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Martingrove

February 14, 2012

Beaconette

Your Guide to Love!

Photo: Jasmine Chugh

Inside:

s ’ e n i t n e l a n o V diti E Volume II


Are you hopelessly in love with someone? Does the mere sight of that person create a whole flock of butterflies in your stomach? Do you want to talk to/ ask this person out? Well, your fellow MCI students can help you out. I went around Martingrove asking your peers what they would and wouldn’t do and here’s what they have to offer:

Guys

1

Never actually make him a sandwich.

Do not interrupt him while he’s playing COD. He needs his guy time. He will end up loving you more when he doesn’t have to pause his game every 5 seconds to answer a text from you.

2

1 2

Never EVER tell her you think she’s PMS-ing. EVER. One wrong move, and you’re done for.

3

3

Never tell a girl she looks bad, even if her face looks like it has been frosted in makeup.

4

Don’t bore her with irrelevant conversations that make no sense (ex. Yo dawg, I prestiged in COD even doe i loafted from tyme. I mossed for bare tymes ahli-NO).

5

Never ask a girl to make you a sandwich.

4

Fat is never a word in your vocabulary when you are talking to her. Try starting off with the three simple words, “You look good.” Believe me it works wonders.

5

There you have it MCI.Those were the dos and don’t from your fellow peers. But hey, who knows? Your perfect match could be a make-up caked cat and hockey lover that loves making you sandwiches!

2

Gals

Raman Dhaliwal

1 2

Don’t compare him to better looking, better dressed celebrities. Guys have feelings too! Nothing about Bieber. Try the Leafs instead. If he doesn’t like the Leafs, well I don’t know why you’re talking to him... Don’t stalk him. That’s just creepy.

Both

Don’t talk about your love of cats. Unless they like cats. Then cats are good. Go cats!

Don’t be a Tammy/Tommy texter in front of them. If you really liked this person, you wouldn’t look like you wanted to marry your cell-phone.


A Guide to

LOVE

... I think.

It’s that time of the year again. Everyone’s favourite overly-commercialized holiday when anyone who has found and established a partner can relish in the fact, while you gorge yourself on chocolates you bought yourself, all while you watch The Notebook for the fiftieth time at home sniffling into a tissue. (Or, you know, just cry over Tumblr couples). But if you don’t feel like going through the latter this year and letting your happily taken friends rub how happy they are in your face, you can join the hordes of teens trying to find dates for Valentine’s Day. Sure, you could go out to meet people, but that’s hard, and requires a certain amount of physical exertion that you’re too lazy for at the moment. Not all hope is lost, though. You go to a school positively full of possible candidates... I think. Either way, you’re stuck here for at least another five months, so you might as well try. If you’re interested, I did prepare some tips to help you impress your crush (THAT I TOTALLY DID NOT MAKE UP) so you can thank me later. FIRST STEPS: When approaching your loooove interest, be casual. Try to start up a conversation to see if you have anything in common. If you’re socially awkward, you might lose most of your cognitive skills and your ability to speak fluent English while talking to them. Your eyes might also begin to twitch. That’s okay, play it cool until your brain

STAFF

Staff Advisors Mr. Kay Mrs. Parsonson Mr. Sommerfelt

Mariel Lepra starts functioning properly again. Works every time. BODY LANGUAGE: So, you need to show this person you like them, yeah? If you’re a girl, play with your hair and bat your eyelashes; that always works in the movies. If you’re a guy, try to pull off one of those sexy smirk whatsits, just make sure it looks like an actual smirk and not an expression that reads “I may kill you in your sleep.” COMPLIMENTS: Keep ‘em short and concise... and normal. Depending on who you’re trying to impress, “You look aesthetically pleasing” sounds creepy. So does “Your eyes... they’re like pools of pristine blue water... and your lips... they’re like...” etc, etc. On the other side of the spectrum though, don’t say anything like “OMG yur so hawwtt.” Because that just sounds trashy. You have to find a happy medium with these things. And for the love of all that is holy, DON’T use any pet names.

“Depending

on who you’re trying to impress, ‘You look aesthetically pleasing’ sounds creepy.” Armed with this tiny, yet useful arsenal of clichéd love tactics, you can go into the unforgiving world of relationships with confidence. You could always rub how happy you are in your other dateless friends’ faces, but that would mean being an awful hypocrite. So instead, resort to awkward hugs and holding hands in public, instead of PDAs. No one likes those. Now, get out there and show the world how happy you are! I just hope you realize when it comes to getting your new boyfriend/girlfriend a gift you’re on your own.

Management Editors Editor of Layout Sharleen Fisher Drini Cami Michelle Han

Photography General Council Cover Photo: Jasmine Chugh

Head of Production Emily Pollock

3


Start Here

Where Will You Be in 10 Years

4 Katie Chen


5


6

Photo: Jasmine Chugh and Prasaanth Sridharan

MC I’s coup cutes les! t


Single’s Corner

Denton Liu Isaac Thiessen

Every Valentine’s Day, it seems that more and more people are remaining single. In fact, a new study finds that almost 17 million Canadians are looking for love at the moment. If you are reading this and you happen to fit into that demographic, this article is for you! Why look up to your already partnered friends? Think of all the things that you can do, all while your friends are being tugged by the hand to a night of staring at flickering candles!

1 Sing loudly...to yourself! 2 Hang out with smart people (aka nerds). 3 Play video games!

Is he/she dragging you out on a date? Did you have that one level left that you wanted to defeat? No problem, singles! With no one tugging you by the hand to leave the house and eat a romantic dinner, you can finish as many levels as you want! Driving in the car when your favourite song by Brittney Spears comes up? No problem! With no one riding shotgun with you, you can belt out whatever tunes you like, even if it’s Justin Bieber’s “Baby!” Instead of hanging out with all the cool people from which your potential suitors will most definitely come (don’t argue about it, of course they will come from the groups of, “cool people.” You don’t want to get together with someone on the fringes of society) take time to increase your intelligence by hanging out with nerds and geeks. In a relationship, this is a definite no-no; but as a single you can take full advantage of the intelligence that hanging out with these “fringe people” offers!

4

Buy chocolates...for yourself!

Chocolates - everyone loves them! They also show affection when you give them to someone; but, just as you hand over the box, that feeling of regret over losing an entire box of heaven hits you like knowing you’re the only one out of your friends who is still single. Thankfully, you will feel safe knowing any chocolate purchased will remain safely in your possession, away from the opposite gender’s grasp.

5

Extra Sleep

A study finds that almost a quarter of the Romeos and Juliets out there check-in, and expect to be checked-in with (via text message), hourly between 12 and 5 AM. This Valentine’s Day, all singles should be glad to be free of this responsibility . Enjoy the extra sleep! So, as you can see, there are many options for all you singletons reading this. Instead of sitting in front of your computer with a box of tissues on Valentine’s Day, looking at the Facebook pictures of your friends looking all cute together, do all the things you used to do before you had that special pair of eyes to impress!! This Valentine’s Day, deal with it like those wise people on the fringes of society do. Forever Alone... and proud of it!!

7


Sharleen Fisher Jessica Kim

C

Horoscopes

C N A

Don’t let any heartache you may have suffered this month keep you from having a good time. You’ll find that your friends more than make up for it and soon you’ll be perfectly cheery. For all the Cancers out there that are in search of a certain someone, you may find that opposites really do attract and your expressive, sentimental personality will be balanced by an easy going, logical Pisces.

ES

ER

Are you tired of being single? You’re in luck this Valentine’s Day! Be your confident and caring self and your dream partner will come along in less than a week! All you have to do is follow a special ritual: you must wink once at your first period teacher every morning for the next three days! The opposite gender will cling onto you in masses, but keep your eyes open for Aries in particular as they are said to be most compatible with proud, passionate Leos. Good luck!

LE O

A RI

Love is in the air this month, making it the perfect time to tell that special someone how you feel. Look to the planets for advice and keep your eyes open for your match, an air sign like Gemini will balance you out most effectively. Look no further than English class, but be careful not to let your impulsive, fiery nature intimidate. Geminis are intelligent and love to be challenged, so use your bold nature to start up a lively conversation and let your compatible nature do the rest.

TA

IN EM G

O

8

You tend to seek perfection when looking for an ideal partner. Being selective is important, but if you are in a hurry to be in a relationship, you have to be realistic and lower your expectations. The planets say that you don’t have to search for very long, as your soul mate sits right in front of you in math class! Thank the heavens for your fortune - this person will have half of your heart. Strike up a casual conversation and you will find yourself falling head over heels in a matter of minutes. Make sure you don’t hesitate for too long because your luck will fade by the end of the month.

RG

Dearest Gemini, you have a lot of love in your life already! You most likely have a lovely celebrity crush and you probably like some fictional character. You’ve got friends and family; you may even have an adoring pet who’s waiting for you to come home and feed it right now. Isn’t that enough? If it’s not, you may want to stock up on some lucky charms. And under no circumstances should you be in the presence of fermented milk products for the next 12 days.

VI

I

US

UR

There’s going to be problem after problem, but don’t fret! Everything will turn out okay in the end. This Valentine’s Day, your mission is to muster up enough courage if you want to spark a conversation with your crush. After all, you do have that amazing taste in music! Good luck. Your compatible sign is Virgo.


C IC PR A

US

LI

BR

Ah, Valentine’s Day, a beloved day for many Libras out there, as your romantic personality is happiest when in or around love. Especially with an outgoing, loving Aquarius. This month is bound to be a great one, whether you’re spending it with someone special or not. If however, you find it hard to be alone with such a romantic nature, keep in mind that many types of love exist and you only need to look to your friends and family to find it.

RN

A

O

If you’re looking for love in your period 3 classes, you’re going about it all wrong. No wonder you’ve been so unsuccessful. But don’t lose hope, the planets smile upon you in period 2. Luckily, next week Venus will be at its strongest, so seek out a Taurus and go for it! For optimum success, remember to fully groom your fingers. Nobody likes beastly, crooked nails.

UA RI

Q A

SC

RI U

A

ITT G

ES

SA

Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor! Such wonderful things surround you, what more are you lookin’ for? Under the sea you’ll find a lovely (and extremely compatible) Cancer just waiting for you to make the first move. You’ve already got some pretty good chances, but if you iron your socks 30 minutes before wearing them for a week, Mars will imbue you with a little extra confidence and ambition.

SC

Watch out, Sag! You’re heading for a world of trouble if you don’t think before you speak, ESPECIALLY with that one teacher who’s been hounding you for a while now. Love is in the cards come Valentine’s Day! That special one you’ve had your eye on will begin to pay more attention to you and your naturally bubbly personality. Take a chance! Your compatible sign is Leo.

PI

S

IO

RP

O

Your extremely loyal and sensitive nature makes it difficult to find a suitable partner. However, the planets are signalling that you may be able to find your perfect match this month! If you have anyone special in mind, make sure that you tell him or her how you feel because it’s very likely that feelings are mutual this time! Try to pursue a Pisces if you are seeking to be in a long-term relationship; you will satisfy each other’s needs and cancel out the negative traits.

This is the perfect time to just have some fun because you’ve been feeling a little too stressed out with your schoolwork. However, you’re naturally smart and that has definitely come in handy. You’ll have a chance encounter with your crush soon and they’ll definitely remember your name after that. Have fun! Your compatible sign is Sagittarius.

9


Adam Kozak

A NERDY

7:45 8:45 Valentine’s Day 9:50 When someone says “nerd,” 11:25 you think of someone who dresses up like Captain Kirk and speaks in Klingon, or someone who always carries an extra Atari 2600 controller in their pocket in case of gamer emergency. Generally, they are people who are too wrapped up in their own world to be among us normal people (who know that it’s all about Jersey Shore and Modern Warfare 3). Most importantly, come Valentine’s Day, they are the people who stand at the end of the gym talking about nerdy things, stare at girls creepily and cry themselves to sleep. Well, news flash. That’s not how it works with us (mostly). As a member of the nerd herd who desperately grips that last piece of normalness, I am going to clear up the issue of nerd’s Valentine’s Day once and for all. Here’s what really goes on in Geek Castle on World -1. Okay, so we do let out some water through the eyes. But hey, we have that right. We are anime people after all, and what’s an anime if a main character doesn’t cry at some point? At least we cry in the night when no one’s around and we leave it at that, all right? We’re not sob stories at Valentine’s Day; we just happen to interpret it differently. So what for you is Valentine’s Day, to us is “Awkward Silence Day.” Don’t judge, eat fudge.

10

Wake up to video game music. Get to school and realize it’s Valentine’s Day. Buy candy at Bear’s Den and promptly run to class. Sigh with relief that you can avoid an awkward in-class conversation about Valentine’s Day.

11:35 11:45

Meet up with nerd buddies and talk about nerdy things and give out candies.

11:55

Awkward silence ends with someone bringing up love and such, conveniently interrupted with an invitation to your house for a nerd party, to which everyone agrees without objection.

Get randomly interrupted by someone who loves Valentine’s much more than you; they wish everyone a good day without giving candy.

Rest of the day... Walk home with nerd buddies, conversapunctuated by awkward silence and 3:05 tion evil looks at the poor guy who mentions Valentine’s Day AGAIN.

3:15

Plop down in front of television to play Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Super Smash Bros., etc.

5:30

Awesome “Valentine’s Day” dinner (as announced by parents) spent in awkward silence (hating parents right now)

6:45 8:30 9:00 11:00

Sit down in front of TV again to watch anime. Say goodbye to friends. Go to bed. Wake up, cry.


Photo: Jasmine Chugh and Prasaanth Sridharan

t s e t u c s ’ s! I C M couple

11


Diana Pham

Artist

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2012-02 Beaconette