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Independently owned & operated

116 King Street W., Brockville, On 48 Cedar Street In Maitland $244,000! Well Maintained 3 bdrm Bungalow

Rick Burt C.E.T. Sales Representative Direct: 613-498-7547 Office:613-345-2121 ext 316 Helping You Make The Right Move!






FAX: 613-925-1556

C - Way Services Airport Shuttle

Tel: 613-345-4915 Brockville • Ontario • Canada


Designed & made in Canada Different colours & frames to choose from Exclusive to Brockville & only in Rosemary’s Optical Shop!

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

It isn’t what the book costs. It’s what it will cost you if you don’t read it. ~ Jim Rohn God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with. ~ Billy Graham Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. ~ Waldo Emerson Use what talents you possess, the woods will be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best. ~ Henry van Dyke By the time a man realizes that his father was right he has a son telling him he is wrong.

Issue 05

F Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition ree!

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada! Head Office: 306-446-2710

VOL. 5

Townsman Ltd., Brokerage

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. ~ Helen Keller The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr

Quick Funny

“Visit my listings!”

Empowering Thoughts

Perfect Hearing An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

Bacon Roll-ups

Brockville and 1000 Islands

We Pack & Ship • Packaging Supplies

Some conditions apply. See store for details. Offer expires to February 13th, 2012.

• Shipment Protection for your items • And so much more! 79 –163 Ormond St Brockville, ON K6V 7E6

T: 613.342.0333


ViSalus Independent Distributor

The Shake That Tastes Like A Cake!

1 loaf white bread, crusts trimmed 1 8-oz. package softened cream cheese 1 pound slice bacon Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Cut each slice of white bread and each bacon slice in half. Spread each slice of bread with the cream cheese. Roll the bread tightly, wrapping the bacon slice around the roll. Secure with toothpicks. Arrange the roll-ups in a single layer on a medium baking sheet. Bake for 30 minutes or until the bacon is no longer pink and the bread is lightly toasted. Serve warm. Enjoy!

Start Your 90 Day Challenge!

613-341-7846 613-803-1309

Get With The PRO`s Open 7 Days A Week

9 minute oil change! No appointments! And Warranty approved! Rust Proofing $79.99! Snow Tires From 59.99!

Snow Tire Installations Available!

Finish The Slogan


103 Broome Road , Brockville ON

Famous advertising slogans. See if you remember.

Visit our New Location at

Dial Soap

Thousand Islanders Chorus Singing Valentine Here is something you don’t see or hear everyday. This Valentine’s Day on Tuesday February 14th surprise your loved one with a special singing telegram from the Thousand Islanders Chorus. If you are in the Brockville area and wish to have the chorus visit your sweetheart, Mother, friend in their home, business, restaurant, retirement home the chorus will sing 2 songs and bring a rose and chocolate to have a Valentine’s Day Gift to remember. Call Gidget @ 613-345-0628 to arrange the visit ($35) or a phone call singing telegram ($15) long distance charges may apply. For ladies interested in singing A Cappella style and maybe joining a rehearsal or finding out information about the Thousand Islanders Chorus go to “Find your Voice and Let your Spirit Soar”

Fire Dog's Duties

A school teacher was delivering a bus full of children home one day when a fire truck drove by. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one girl. "No," said another, "he has to be for good luck." A third child proclaimed. "No silly, they use the dogs to find the fire hydrant!"


We share a commitment to serve our community. Thank you newspaper readers for voting us #1 for all your insurance needs.

P045003CN 12/04

For ALL your Cabinetry needs...

(Hillcrest Plaza) Near Tincap BerryFarm

613.865.7444 Open: Tues to Fri 10 - 5, Sat 10 - 2 See Store for Details

February Cash & Carry Only!

SEE OPPORTUNITY. SEE WHAT’S Rick Beer, Agent 522 King Street West Brockville, ON K6V 3T2 Bus: 613-342-9076

State Farm • Canadian Head Offices: Aurora, Ontario •



30% OFF

4504 South Ave

All IN-STOCK Cabinets & Vanities

30% OFF


This double size ad is available for your business!

Canpar Select or UPS Express

• Custom Packaging

Aren’t you glad you use ______ ? Don’t you wish everybody did?

Call Jon (613) 342 0428

$5 OFF

• Worldwide Courier Services

Feeling Young We are Your Accounting & Income Tax Service Specialists! • Accounting, Bookeeping & Consulting Services • Deliquent Tax Filing Specialists • Personal & Corporate Income Tax Returns Marc Wigle (613) 499 4944

Mobile Vacuum Sales & Service

Central’s - Canister’s - Upright’s New & Used Vacuums We Repair Most Makes & Models

613-802-4477 FREE Delivery ~ FREE Pickup ~ FREE Estimates

Random Facts

What Do You Want To Reflect?

“In The

Of Brockville”

Guys & Gals Full Service Salon

613-498-9898 Steph Saunders Owner 165 King St W Brockville

City Full A-1Service Radiator & Tire For Your Vehicle Brakes - Exhaust - Tune-ups Suspension - Computer Diagnostic, Safety Inspections - Emission Testing

Check your anti-freeze or coolant for your car! Winter service package $49.95!

Shawn Pittman Lori Plume

Best Advertising Slogan These are the nominees for the Chevy Nova Award. This is (said to be) given out in honor of GM’s fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. “Nova” in Spanish means, “It Doesn’t Go”. •

163 Perth St., Brockville, ON 613-345-0311

The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”

You’re Reading this so

Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”

your customer will see your business card sized ad here also!

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”

Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”





61 KING STREET EAST BROCKVILLE, ONTARIO TEL: (613) 345-5613 FAX: (613) 345-6473

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.

A Blast From The Past Remember the T.V. show 'Mad About You' ? Can you guess who’s that playing the piano on the theme?

A. Why it’s Paul Reiser himself.


In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes the stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.” Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man “could bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat”. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or “upper crust.” Glad you live today? Be thankful.

1. The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. 2. Mr. Rogers is an ordained minister. 3. John Lennon’s first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles. 4. The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. 5. There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball. 6. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand on a keyboard 7. Our bodies use approximately 2,500 calories of our daily intake of calorie-laden food to fuel the body. 8. Many birds have an eye on each side of their head. Each eye sees a completely separate area.

Rebus A Rebus is a picture or word representation of a name, work or phrase. How fast can you guess this one?



McGuffy’s Designed Ads Produce For You!

613-342-0428 Call for details.

This double size ad is available for your business!

Amazingly So We usually refer to it by 3.63% of it’s rightful name: L.A. The full name of the city of Los Angeles is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula”. How’s that for a mouthful?

Pirate Humor Two pirates pass each other on a ship’s deck. “Aye, captain!”, says one. “Shouldn’t that be ‘Aye, aye, captain!’?”, asks the captain. “Ehh... I believe in an ‘Aye’ for an ‘Aye, aye’.”

Tongue Twister Try saying this four times as fast as you can!

Shy Shelly says she shall sew sheets.

(Shifting Gears)

Need Help?

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 89 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.” “Really!? Like a newborn baby!?” “Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

Those Were The Days

True Colors I don’t paint things. I only paint the difference between things. ~ Henri Matisse

Maple Heights Tree Service Serving the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable Tree Removal Stump Grinding

Fully Insured Free Estimates DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT 1-877-MAPLE-10 (1-877-627-5310)

Very Punny

Monday’s - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm AGE OF MAJORITY

Sam’s February Line-Up:

Feb 3 - JourneyMen Feb 10 - Blues Highway Feb17 - Gypsy Moon Feb 24 - City Limits

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON (613)498 1919

Guides to Good Writing 1. It’s better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive. 2. Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object. 3. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should. begin with a capital and end with a full stop

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.


Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shuffleboard Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .


Canadian Facts Rudolph A. Marcus ~ The Nobel Prize in Chemistry 1992 – for his contributions to the theory of electron transfer reactions in chemical systems. Marcus was born in Montreal, Canada, where he attended McGill University. Willard S. Boyle – The Nobel Prize in Physics 2009 – for the invention of an imaging semiconductor circuit – the CCD sensor – shared with Charles K. Kao and George E. Smith. Willard S. Boyle was born in Amherst, Nova Scotia.

4. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase. 5. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.

Across: 3. Order 8. Civil War battlefield 10. His full first name 11. Slim 13. Where he was shot 15. Moral

16. Basic unit of society 17. The Union Down 1. Primary 2. Formal discussion 4. Remembrance 5. Opponant of Lincoln

6. Leader of U.S. 7. Celebration day 9. Wed 12. Outstanding 14. Competent

Logically Speaking

Today's Riddle

Flo, Moe and Jo live side by side on Main Street. Each won top prizes in

My head and tail are both equal,

their favorite flower category at the annual garden show.

My middle slender as a bee.

Who lives in what color house and grows which flower?

Whether I stand on head or heel

Flo doesn’t grow irises. Joe never painted his house blue. The gardener who

Is quite the same to you or me.

lives in the red house is the one that grows irises. Moe’s passion is for roses.

But if my head should be cut off,

The one who loves sunflowers doesn’t live in the yellow house.

Directly I to nothing change. What am I???


Flo - blue house, grows sunflowers. Moe - yellow house, grows roses. Jo - red house, grows irises.

The matter's true, though passing strange -

It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s a.......lawn chair? They do it on TV all the time. It’s a classic comic setup. Even Winnie the Pooh did it! Looks easy. Kent Couch thought so after seeing a story on TV and decided to fulfill a childhood dream to fly in the sky! While most do it in a plane, hot air balloon, or at the very least, a hang glider, Couch did it in his lawn chair! The fellow in the collapsible pilot seat lifted off from Bend Oregon and attracted a lot of attention as he flew over the small community of Cambridge Idaho where he touched down in a field outside of town. Landing gear: a Red Ryder BB gun for popping balloons for landing. Rigging a lawn chair with GPS trackers tied to 150 helium filled colorful party balloons, Couch did what he set out to do – fly across the great state of Oregon; a trip that took 9 hours and covered 235 miles. Couch trained rigorously for the corporate sponsored flight by taking hang gliding and skydiving lessons and although he has made 2 earlier lawn chair flights (one in which he has to deploy a parachute after popping too many balloons with the BB gun), it was this third try that made it worth the $6,000 price tag.




Courtney Sadler Owner 73 King St W Brockville, ON

Tips for a Well Behaved Dog

Why do hurricanes travel so fast? ~ Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.

Real Ads The following are real ads, classified and otherwise, published in newspapers. 1. Free one can of pork and beans with purchase of three bedroom, two bath home. 2. American flag, 60 stars. Pole included $100. 3. Free puppies. Part German Shepherd, part dog. 4. Whirlpool built-in oven—frost-free. 5. Full-sized mattress. 20-year warranty. Like new. Slight urine smell.

Sign At Real Estate Office

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.

Need a special Book? Give us a call 613-342-5728

Open 7 Days a Week!

Check out our New Arrivals This areas #1 supplier of topographical maps and river charts. for 2012! Gift Certificates make a greatt gift!

We are your #1 Gift Store for your child’s educational Toys/Puzzles/Puppets/Clothing/Accessories/Cards

Tracy Seed Owner

87 King St West 613-345-7925 ext.101 Brockville, ON

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

24/7 Service

3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.

Ask about our short term and convalescent stays! MAYFIELD


Call 613-925-3784 for more details!

248 Park St. W., Prescott


Residential, Professional Office, Business Cleaning Services COME HOME TO A CLEAN HOUSE!

Call Today For A Free Estimate!

Serving Brockville/Prescott and Surrounding Area! Leticia Navarro 613.246.6889 (cell)613.640.1565 Owner/Manager

Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!

At over 140 Locations in Brockville/Athens North Augusta/Lyn Mallorytown & Rockport


“Let Us Restore Your Natural Smile!”

“A Total Approach to Health & Fitness”

A true health & wellness center focused on your success! Physical fitness & nutritional programs tailored to meet your needs. 100 Stewart Blvd. Brockville (Inside Quality Hotel)

We offer: Pool/Squash Sauna/Steam Room Hot Tub Private Fitness Gym Personal Training

613-345-2110 Brad Sharron, DD 65 George St. Brockville, ON

613-345-1400 (ext 163)

This Valentine’s Day Romance The Woman You Love!

156 King St. West Brockville, On


Thousand Islanders

Women’s A Cappella Chorus

We’ll help you and let your spirit soar! Wednesdays 7-10pm First Baptist Church, 9 Pine St. Brockville

Membership: Gidget 345-0628 Performances: Barbara 345-6649

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Call Jon for details. (613) 342-0428


Rosemary Coleman Owner

• Quality Eyewear • Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience


51 King St. West, Brockville, ON

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

Canadian Hearing Society

Free home or office visits • improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services

Phone 613-498-3933

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Christie Aluminum Products

Loose? Cracked & Worn? Over 5yrs old? In Your Pocket? Missing Teeth? Causing Gum Pain?

Custom windows that are a perfect fit! An air tight investment! High quality, energy efficient vinyl windows and doors!

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario 613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself ? Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

All In Stock

Dark night ... and etc.

the staff didn’t know how he had opened his eyes. He just looked at his two boys as they played near his bed. At the funeral the priest said that, among other things, he had given Jack a special blessing which meant that all the people around the world who were praying for “the unknown soul” at that moment, their prayers would go to Jack in his hour of need. I thought this was amazing. An obscure but suffering alcoholic prayed for by people around the world! His two little boys were so brave at the grave side, as they struggled to come to terms with what had happened to their dad. The police had found a most unusual item at the scene which puzzled them greatly as to how it wasn’t burnt. It was a blue plastic container, like one used in a kitchen, which contained all the photos of the boys with their dad when they went and stayed with him during school holidays. It was found in the vehicle scarcely affected by the heat. The edges of some photos were slightly yellowed, and the contained slightly warped, but apart from that, the photos were still intact. What a great gift the boys were left with. To treasure and remember their father.

Winter Footwear

I thought to myself

Delete out

25% - 35% Off

Gift Certificates Available 46 King Street East Brockville, ON

Automatic ATM machine

A Fresh Perspective What the fire didn’t burn My sister’s husband was an alcoholic, which saddened my sister who was a sober alcoholic herself. They had separated and he lived just a ways from her and their two boys. She received a phone call saying that he was sober and was coming to see the boys, aged 9 and 7, and would that be OK. She said that it would and he said he would be there in a few hours. Later, she received a phone call telling her that her husband had been in a car accident, sober but swerved to miss a dog. He was seriously burned - 60% of his body but was still conscious which was a miracle in itself as he had been given strong drugs for the pain, he was determined to see his boys. They asked him how he was, and he replied, “Oh, I’ve had a bit of an accident, but that’s enough about me, how are you two?” They spoke for a little while but their dad had to go to the burns unit in the capital city for urgent treatment, so they sadly said goodbye and he was wheeled away. He lived for 10 days, and the boys were able to visit him on two occasions in that time. On the last occasion their dad had his eyes open and watched them, but he couldn’t speak as he was still heavily sedated. Again,

Golden Soles

Redundant Again!

Good Questions

Pauline’s Lingerie Romantic Lingerie Bras & Panties Sleepwear Swimwear / Cruise wear Accessories

• Complete - partial dentures • Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!

Take The Test Are Your Dentures?

Comfort Diabetic Socks

613-342-7111 Cell: 613-340-6330

Famous Quote I always advise people never to give advice. ~ P. G. Wodehouse

The Dog’s Diary 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

Glen Rickerby Mortgage Agent


12:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

Your Local Mortgage Solution 43 King St. W., Suite 202, Brockville, ON K6V 3P7


Mark Reilly

Mortgage Agent

(866) 840-7533

With access to over 60 lenders, we will work with you to find the one that best suits your needs! We give you “The Power To Choose” call today!

5:00 pm – Dinner! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! Sudoku Solution

Crossword Solution

Residential & Commercial

Gas ~ Oil ~ Propane Furnaces Heat Pumps ~ Boiler Service ~ Ventilation Repairs & Service to Farm Equipment Joe Cooke Owner

24 Hour Emergency Service 613-802-0384


Insurance and investment solutions that fit your life. I can help.

Anna Trakas 613-545-9660 ext 2265 © Sun Life Assurance Company of Canada, 2012.

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