Issuu on Google+

St. Lawrence

MARINA _ _ J ohn stow n , Onta ri o _ _

Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

613-925-5560

No Sale

We Copy & Print

"Is your mother home?" the salesman asked the small boy. "Yeah, she's home;' the boy said, scooting over to let him past. The salesman rang the doorbell, got no response, knocked once, then again. Still no one came to the door. Turning to the boy, the fellow said, "I thought you said your mother was home!?" The kid replied, "She is; but this isn't where I live."

• Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying • Document Finishing • Business Cards & Stationery Items • Large Format Printing • Flyers & Brochures • And so much more! 79 -163 Ormond 5t Brockville, ON K6V7E6

8V2 x 11 BIW Copies Someconditionsapply. See storefor 'or details. Offer expires July 16, 2012

T: 613.342.0333 store79®theupsstore.ca

EMP How To Be A

100 FREE The UPS Store

II

The UPS Store

~

WERNETWORK

TRY OUR SIMPLE 3-ST£P PROGRAM

WINNf=R!

$$ EARN EXTRA INCOME $$ $$ 100% COMMISSIONS $$

~~_ ~T~_ . ~.

VISIT WWW.LARRETT.NET

~~;; ~,........

WORK FROM HOME! - PROVEN RESULTS!

1111' Manpower <e R a ndy G las b .. r g .. n I gl as b a r g .. n .coon

= ........------..eLA5~~EN - ~'""W"hat:ever

your lT1.ind can

conceive an.d believe,

it: can achieve, as long as it rhyn"J.es ."

Neighborly Kindness

Innovative Workforce Solutions

ManpowerGroup SolutiliiliS Permanent Placement Skilled Trades Assessments Please Join our Broad Band of Expertise in Workforce Solutions

Virginia Stenner

Branch Manager 105 King StW Brockville On virginia.stenner@manpower.com

613-345-1482

hua-functional-fitness@hotmail.ca

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." said the butcher. A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: Legal Consultation Service: $150

1-

H U A.

613-342-0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

212KingStW Brockvilie, On

FUNCTIONAL

FITNESS

'fiJ Work Out On Your Own 'i! Personal or Group Training 'i! Fitness Classes

www.hua-functional-fitness.webs.com HEARD UNDERSTOOD ACKNOWLEDGED

heather chapman

Want A Permanent Front Page Lug Location?

Call Jon at McGuffy's News

613-342-0250

MANPOWER. COM

Did you know that u.s. citizens and green card holders living in Canada need to file a u.s. tax return?

CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT

www.heatherchapman.ca hchapman@xplornet.com 84 King St. West, Brockville 613-865-9014


TmFine

Little Bear Bookkeeping ~~

www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

"Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$" Ht Start Up ÂŁ" Payroll-ROE's-T4's ~ Bank Reconciliation !f Source Documentation ~ Gov't Remittances

~ Monthly Financial Statements

Patricia Doucette OwnerjBookkeeper<

613-246-6482

Call Jon to Advertise 6133420428

What

'1n The . , OfBrock ville"

Farmer Joe decided to take the trucking company to court. The company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. 1 had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......." "I didn't ask for any details, just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well, 1 had just got Bessie into the trailer and 1 was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again, "Judge, 1 am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Patrolman that he was fine. Now weeks after he is trying ro sue my client. Please tell him ro simply answer the question." The judge denied, he was now interested in hearing about Bessie. "As 1 was saying, 1 had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when a semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. 1 was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. 1 was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, 1 could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. 1 could hear she was in terrible shape. A Highway Patrolman came on the scene. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. The Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "YOut mule was in such bad shape 1 had to shoot her - how are you feeling?"

Guys & Gals Full Service Salon 613-498-9898 Steph Saunders Owner

-

-

2

bellnet.ca 165 King St W

1

5

8

atmosphere ~

4

.

6

2

6

9

Trims Baths Nails ~ V' ;' 0 0 _

9

8

V@UJ(f ~@~~~ d @~ ~If@@mellf' lon, ,nrq, (lng g, onllJ!,;1

Paula Fairfield 613-345-6220 Owner/operator. Brockville, On. By appointment only

8

Krr\rlr\T1

7

Loving

-

1

I

7

3

0

www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

3

4 9

I UN/ROYAlI

HAVE A QUESTION? ~ OR WANT A QUOTE'â&#x20AC;˘ 'FIrestone GOOD/'iEAR

8

7

4

f

Music Notes ~

3

1

BFGoodriclj

I To win a gold disc, an album needs to sell 100,000 copies in Britain, and 500,000 in the United States.

I Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame Nellie Melba ( 1861-1931)

I Music was sent down a telephone line for the first time in 1876, the year the phone was invented.

The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk!


Courtney Sadler Owner 73 King StW Brockville, ON

Science Experiment Make Lemonade Fizzy Drink

Downtown Brockville

There's a lot of people out there that like drinking fizzy drinks, so why not do a fun science experiment that leaves you with your own lemon soda to drink afterwards! Make your own lemonade soft drink with this fun experiment for kids. What you'll need: • Lemon. Drinking glass. Water. 1 teaspoon of baking soda. Some sugar to make it sweet Instructions: 1. Squeeze as much of the juice from the lemon as you can into the glass. ~ 2. Pour in an equal amount of water as lemon juice. ...., 3. Stir in the teaspoon of baking soda. 4. Give the mixture a taste and add in some sugar if you think it needs to be

Great Summer Reading Titles! Give us a call 613-342-5728 Open 7

Days a Week!

VISA .~ This area's #1 supplier of river charts, topographical maps & regional books! Shop Online With Us

www.leedscountybooks.ca

Summer Special! Save 25% OFF

::5 o ~ Z

sweeter. What's happening? tr1 The mixture you created should go bubbly and taste like a lemonade, soda, ~ fizzy drink, if you added some sugar it might even taste like a lemon flavoured soft drink you've bought at a store. The bubbles that form when you add the l"J baking soda to the lemon mixture are carbon to C/) dioxide (C02), these are the same bubbles ....... ...., you'll find in proper fizzy drinks. Of course tr1 they add a few other flavored sweeteners but it's not much different to what you made. If you are wondering how the carbon dioxide . bubbles formed, it was because you created a s::: chemical reaction when you added the lemon (an acid) to the baking soda (a base).

~

8

JIi . -JIi

Exhaust . ~ Brakes/Bearings Struts ti1 Transmission Service

HWY 29 Auto Service #3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On 613-342-5249

.".

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc .

Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129 Call the plumbing & water experts today!

GOULDS 24fl Service san~Tec· PUMPS 3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT. ~

C

Celebrity Quotes "T1 "T1 ~ It is clear the future holds great opportunities. It also holds pitfalls. The C/) trick will be to avoid the pitfalls, seize the opportunities, and get back home by six o'clock. ~ Woody Allen

Z

~

Did You Know?

to

:::0

(J.

~

If you stretch a standard Slinky out flat it measures 87 feet long. There are six ords in the English language with the letter combination "uu." Muumuu, vacuum, continuum, duumvirate, duumvir and residuum.

F· r

The "Calabash" pipe, most often associated with Sherlock Holmes, was not used

(J

lette needed a pipe he could keep in his mouth while he spoke his lines.

tr1

>- •

by him until William Gillette (an American) portrayed Holmes onstage. GilMost Americans' car horns beep in the key ofF.

Dirty Harry's badge number is 2211.

The pupil of an octopus' eye is rectangular.

The shortest French word with all five vowels is "oiseau" meaning bird.

Camel's milk does not curdle.

The ball on top of a flagpole is called the truck.

PALING'S FAMILY FUN CENTRE 1850 County RD 2 East Brockville, ON

613-342-8467 18 Hole Mini Golf - Driving Range Ticket Redemption Arcade Games ~[)uO~W§@l@®[jj) S)UW~@ ~®®@]

Guess The Slogan Famous advertising slogans. See ifyou remember.

I wish I was an - - -

Bring This Ad In

Answer: J;)U;)!L\\ J;)l\.;)W Je;)so


Voice over IP Service all calls in Canada and USA are free Business Service

-

Residential Service

Local Lines - $24.95 Business Systems Network Installation $17.95 - 2 Lines - all features

vOlce2net.ca

Local Service Brockville (613) 704-1248 Kingston (613) 777-0355

ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP • Quality Eyewear • Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience

Rosemary Coleman Owner

GUESS

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

The Canadian Hearing Society Free home or office visits

• improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices· hearing aid batteries

Please call us to find out more about our programs and services Phone 613-498-3933

~

United Way

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V OA7

Brad Sharron, DO 65 George St. Brockville, ON

"SMILE WITH CONFIDENCE!"

• (omplete - partial dentures • Relines· Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!

www.brockvilledentureclinic.com

iJ ·

Denture Specialist

VISA

A Fresh Perspective Plant a Daily Living Garden Plant Three Rows of Peas: Peace of Mind Peace of Heart Peace of Soul

51 King 51. West, Brockville, ON

LicellsedOpticiari

613-345-2110

"e, "

CHS I SCO

.~~;r~:,~~~::~\~:~~,

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ WWW.MCGVFFYSN£WSBROCkVILL£.CA

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Aqua Plus Pools "Your Bridge Over Troubled Water" Contact the Pool Experts today

Plant Four Rows of Squash: Squash Gossip Squash Indifference Squash Grumbling Squash Selfishness Plant Four Rows of Lettuce: Lettuce Be Faithful Lettuce Be Kind Lettuce Be Patient Lettuce REALLY Love One Another No Garden Without Turnips: Turnip for Meetings Turnip on Time Turnip to Help One Another Complete Your Garden with Thyme: Thyme for each Other Thyme for Family Thyme for Friends

to Maintain your Pool or Spa on a Weekly/Bi-Weekly Maintenance Schedule.

Adam Fish Affordable Pricing! Call us for details!

613-340-9556

Water Freely with Patience and Cultivate with Love. There is much Fruit in Your Garden, as you Reap What You Sow.

613-213-1888

Office Pranks

Advertise in McGuffy's

Then collect a group of total strangers, right off the street, and have them sit

Great Results!

around the sleeping person until he wakes up. Then have one of them say to

6133420428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

If somebody falls asleep in a meeting, have everyone else leave the room.

him, "Bob, your plan is very, very risky. However, you've given us no choice but to try it. I only hope, for your sake, that you know what you're getting yourself into." Then they should file quietly out of the room.


Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride and drive a car

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

-----6 -----. MAYFIELD

Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shuffleboard Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

RETIREMENT RESIDENCE

248 Park St., W., Prescott

Monday's - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm

613-925-3784

www.chartwellreit.ca

C/)

~

~

8 ~

Z ~ <:::i

~

t:O C/) ~

~

tT1

~ ~

(')

CJ

C 'Tj

July 6 The Journey Men July 7 Red Line (3-7) July 7J Blues Highway July 20 Gypsy Moon July 27 City Limits

~

t:O

b (')

~ ~

~ ~

tT1

-

R I

(613)4981919

Everything I've ever learned, I learnedfrom Star TVttrs

Never, never, never underestimate the power of

You will find many of the truths we cling to de-

the Dark Side pend greatly on our own point of view •

Just when you think there is no more hope, alas, there is one more.

Never judge a "piece of junk" spaceship from the outside. More often than not, "she's got it where it counts."

To make things easier for all of us please notice this Important Notice About Notices. You may not have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. We notice that some of our notices have been noticed. On the other hand, some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable! It is noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. This notice is to remind you to notice the notices and respond to the Notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed!

>-

A J

Star Tfars

Important Memo

(')

M

Aug J Jack Daniels Band Y Aug 70 Blues Highway Aug 77 Little California Aug 24 City Limits Aug J 7 Gypsy Moon

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

'Tj

~ Z

F

T

Happiness is a Journey We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D. Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

E

a

a

Sam's July & August Line-Up:

:5

A G

Notice Committee

Good Friends I Believe ... that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time, and the beginning of every ending?

Your eyes deceive you, don't trust them.

The Bad Guys can't hit the broad side of a barn.

But, "Only Imperial Storm Troopers are so precise"

McCiuffy's Designed Ads Produce For You! Call Jon (613) 342 0428 This double size ad is available for your business!


Your True Colors

Language Woes Why the English Language is Hard to Learn

An artist is someone who produces things that people don't need to have but that he for some reason - thinks it would be a good idea to give them. ~ Andy warhol

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

The bandage was wound around the wound. The farm was used to produce produce. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. We must polish the Polish furniture. He could lead ifhe would get the lead out. The insurance was invalid for the invalid. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

A Colonels Order Mini Golf A colonel issued the following directive to his executive officers: Tomorrow evening at approximately 2000 hours Halley's Comet will be visible in this area; an event which occurs only every 75 years. Have the men foil out in the battalion area in fotigues, and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case ofrain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the men in the theater and I will show them films o/it.

McCuffy's Designed Ads Produce For You!

613-342-0428 Call for details. This double size ad is available for your business! Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event in McGuffy's News!

Word Ads

Starting at $15.~oHsT (50 Words or Less)

Across 1. Half of a game 5. Bonus game 8. Wind-driven game 10. Not inside 12. Playing course 14. Playing area

16. Hole markers 18. Warmest season Down 2. Sink hole w/one stroke 3. Youths 13-19 4. Sphere

6. Contend 7. Keeps balls in course 9. Distance 11. Appointment 13. Hazards 15. Mallet for hitting ball

Marketing Gone Awry When Clairol presented its new curling iron in Germany, it quickly realized the need for a bit more research. Despite being popular in the United States, Clairol's Mist Stick curling iron was a dud in Germany, and it wasn't until the hair products company translated "mist" into German that executives figured out why. "Mist" means "manure;' and few German women were looking for a manure stick for their long locks. Clairol wasn't alone in that problem; Rolls-Royce was forced to change the name of its Silver Mist to Silver Shadow before unveiling the car to Germans, and liquor producer Irish Mist also had difficulty breaking in to the German market.


Maple Heights Tree Service Serving the Seaway and Ottawa Valley ProfessionaL .. Yet Affordable • Fully Insured , • Tree Removal • Stump Grinding • Free Estimates DOUG CHAPMAN-PRESIDENT 1-877-MAPLE-lO mapleheights@xplornet.ca (1-877-627-5310)

Brother's Advice

~

G of )

Little Brother: "If you broke your arm in two places, what would you do ?" Older Boy: "I wouldn't go back to those two places, that's for sure."

Eastern Ontario's Largest Selection of Orthotic & Comfort Footwear

rteker fTTTTTTTfT.

' g{iJJJ ~~ INF NITV OOStlOES

Gift Certificates Available

The future will be better tomorrow. ~ Dan~ayle

46 K·mg 5t East, BrockVI.,' e, 0n bintime ~ 613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330 J.f~~s

Redundant A ain • • • • • •

clam chowder soup good success climb up hanging down honest truth close scrutiny

Your Business Should SIAIID OUI! and it will in

LOCAL's!

Weird Traffic Laws Strange traffic laws from around the driving world.

Sometimes, what you're wearing -or not- while driving can earn you a fine. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded or barefoot while operating a vehicle. Women can't wear a housecoat while behind the wheel in California. Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited in Virginia. And, in Thailand, you must wear a shirt while driving a car.

New & Old - DrywalljWood ke Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotma

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

I Have Learned I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. ~ Age 39 Crossword Solution

Sudoku Solution

,~

{;

9

P 6

5

Z 8

l

Z l

P

8

~

{;

6

9

5

8

6

5

Z 9

l

~

P

{;

{;

8

6

5

l

P

9

Z

~

9

Z l

~

8

6

{;

5

P

P 5

~

{;

Z 9

8

l

6

l

~

{;

9

P Z

5

6

8

5

P Z

6

{;

8

l

~

9

6

9

8

l

5

~

P

(;

Z

Call Jon for details. (613) 342-0428

Eastern Independent Telecom Refurbishing Centre Quality Refurbished Computers Starting @ $99.00 613-342-9652 Ext# 224 100 5trowger Blvd Brockville, Onto Enter off Central Ave.

Mictosoft· REGISTERED

Refurbisher


Empowering Thoughts The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. ~ Albert Ellis Too often we forget that the great men of faith reached the heights they did only by going through the depths. ~ Os Guinness Losing is a learning experience. It teaches you humility. It teaches you to work harder. It's also a powerful motivaror. ~ Yogi Berra · FLEETTRUCKS · PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT

SPECIAliZING IN: VEHICLE WRAPS

· SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES · REAL ESTATE SIGNS · ILLUMINATED SIGNS

In this world everything changes except good deeds and bad deeds; these follow you as the shadow follows the body. ~ Ruth Benedict

Statistics Source: The Canadian Alzheimer Society • •

Alzheimer Disease is the fourth leading cause of death in Canada Every year approximately 10,000 Canadians die from Alzheimer's

• •

Approximately 1 in 100 Canadians suffer from Alzheimer's disease There are approximately 22,000 people in Metro Toronto with Alzheimer's

The disease occurs in 8% of the general population over 60

Airport Shuttle

Tel: 613-345-4915 www.cwaylimo.com Brockville· Ontario· Canada

ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP

Efl£t&~~ 'I

Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00 or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included)

Birth Order Makes A Difference Worries: 1st baby: At the first sign of distress: a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

~)

3rd baby: You teach your three-yearold how to rewind the mechanical swing.

51 King St. West, Brockvilie, ON (613) 498-2200 Fax (613) 498-2205

Job Application Bloopers Here's a list of silly mistakes people have made while writing their job applications:

BonLen Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment.

features & Benefits Stunning 1& 1 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Heat & hydro included • Secured entrance • Safety walk-in tubs • High speed internet available And much more!

6~

l.

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

2.

"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial instirutions."

3.

"Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation." (Perhaps he meant running.)

4.

"Note : Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job."

5 ads you should check out in this issue! ./ EASTERN INDEPENDENT TELECOM ./ ST LAWRENCE MARINA ./ RIVERSIDE FORD SALES LTD- "WE SELL TIRES!"

~ PLACE ~

903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341 -1195 www.bonlenplace.com

./ C-WAY SERVICES ./ SAM'S BRASS RACKS


McGuffys Brockville Vol 05 Issue 27