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For 95 Points Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. However, they decided to party instead. So, when they went to the test, they decided to tell the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just abour everything. Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to separate classrooms to take the exam. Each shrugged and went to two different parts of the building. As each sat down, they read the first question. "For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom." At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued... "For 95 points, tell me which tire it was."

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Legal Advice A doctor and a lawyer met at a party. Having not seen each other for some time they struck up a conversation. It was difficult to follow as they were constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're our of the office?" "I give it to them;' replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bilL" The doctor was shocked, bur agreed it was worth a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills, then he went to place them in the mailbox. Picking up his mail first, he found a bill from the lawyer

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The parents of two boys (14 and 16 year-olds) went on a trip for the weekend with friends . They left early Friday morning and the boys were left alone at home. That evening the younger boy made the suggestion that they take their dad 's car and go to the disco. The 16 year-old boy could drive a bit but was too scared. After some nagging he gave in and off they went to enjoy the evening. When they got back to the car after a lot of discothequeing, they noticed a huge dent in the rear of the car - someone must have bumped into the car and drove off. Frantically they phoned their friends to find a panelbeater/spraypainter to fix their dad's car. Finally they found one and the car was fixed properly. They parked it back in the garage that afternoon. Their parents returned the next day but the boys were too terrified to say anything about the accident. The father went to get something from the garage, came back very amazed and said to the family in the lounge, "A miracle has happened! A guy drove into the back of my car on Thursday and now it is fixed without a scratch! "

5

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Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

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Courtney Sadler Owner

73 King StW

1987 •

Canadian sprinter Ben Johnson sets a new world record (Aug. 30) for the 100-metre dash.

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Free Trade goes into effect . Heather Erxleben becomes Canada's first acknowledged female combat soldier. One-dollar bills are replaced by the one-dollar coin, popularly called the "loonie."

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Ben Johnson sets a world record and wins the gold medal at the Seoul Olympics in Korea (Sept. 24). Testing positive for steroids, he is stripped of his medal two days later.

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When it does not exist, design it. ~

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What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse? ~ The Codfather!

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Science Experiments

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You will need: • 1 oup of w"h;ng ,od,

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• A spoon for stirring

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Strive for perfection in everything you do.

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Famous Quotes

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Down town Brockville

Need a special Book? Give us a call

At S PIANO SHOP

to Take the best that exists and make it better.

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Brockville, ON

• Food coloring

Try It! 1. Take the cup of washing soda and pur it into a plastic bag. Crush the lumps with a rolling pin or similar object. 2. Empty the bag into a bowl and stir in 5 or 6 drops of your favorite essential oil such as rosemary, lavender or mint. 3. Stir in a few drops of food coloring until the mixture is evenly colored. 4. Pur the mixture into clean dry containers and enjoy as you please. What is the science to it? Bath Salts are typically made from Epsom salts (magnesium sulfate), table salt (sodium chloride) or washing soda (sodium carbonate). The chemical make up of the mixture makes it easy to form a lather. Bath salts are said to improve cleaning and deliver an appealing fragrance when bathing.

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Tank Of Fish

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Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Hey! You know how to drive this?"

51 King 51. West, Srockville, ON

Descriptive

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

Canadian Hearing Society

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

Free home or office visits

• improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices· hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services Phone 613-498-3933 TTY 1-877-817-8209 \ ~ Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 •

United Way

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A Fresh Perspective Five Truths of Accountability I've been speaking on or writing about PERSONAL AC, COUNTABILITY since 1995-and I've come to believe there are five truths that are self-evident: 1. Everybody wants everybody else to practice personal accountability. Enough said. 2. Individuals make exceptions for themselves when it comes to accountability / responsibility/ ownership: Example: IfI earned an annual income of, say, $65,000 back when the real estate market was peaking, but bought a half million dollar home-and then lost that home-it was due to "predatory lending." But if a neighbor flies to Vegas, gambles away his entire net worth and comes back broke, we think, "Wow. That was really stupid. What a foolish thing for him to do!" Sometimes, we need to say that to ourselves, and then ask The ~estion Behind the ~estion (QBQ), "What can I learn from this experience?" 3. I am more effective in all roles-father, mother, professional, spouse, friend, volunteer-when I practice personal accountability. 4. Life is more enjoyable-downright more fun!-when I walk on the High Road of Personal Accountability. 5. It's simply the "right thing to do." The wrong things to do are blame, whine, point fingers, play victim, become entitled-and expect others to bail me out of my bad choices. Now, if you don't agree with these five ideas-that's just fine. But that's the way I see it. John G. Miller Author of ... 'QBQ! The Question Behind the Question"', 'Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power ofPersonalAccountability; 'Outstanding! 47 Tfays to Make Your Organization Exceptional', http://www.qbq.com/Denver. Colorado, USA 303-286-9900 John@QBQcom


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CALL FOR ENTRIES JUNI;: 28TH -1000 Island Mall, Brockville If you're 65 or over, shore your musical gift with us and you could be Chartwell's next Senior Star Champion! Please stop by Mayfield or Rosedale to pick up your egistration form to participate. [ntries due by June 4th.

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Live Entertainment ~ Billiards ~ Darts ~ Shuffleboard Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays Monday's - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm -12pm

A G E

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Sam's May &June Line-Up:

What are You Chasing? Ever hear about the greyhound races? Those dogs are fast! They run so fast because they're chasing a mechanical rabbit that they never quite catch. A friend told me that one day on a racetrack in Florida an interesting thing happened: the rabbit broke so the dogs caught it! You would think the dogs would be happy to finally catch the rabbit after all those races in which they couldn't quite get a bite out of him. But actually when they caught the mechanical rabbit, they didn't know what to do! They became confused and depressed-they lost their putpose. In fact, I was told they never recovered and were ruined as race dogs. (Maybe it's because mechanical rabbits don't taste very good!) Made me wonder what kind of things I am chasing in my life. Ifl catch them will they be worth it? Or will I look back and shake my head in disbelief? Something to think about. What are You Chasing?

May 11 Backlash May 11 Blues Daddy 3-7pm May 18 The Journey Men May 15 Loaded 6 String

M A J

June 1 Blues Highway ~ I June 1 Relay for Life ~ Charity Event 7pm (Pool/OartsiGamesiKaraokeiPrizes)

June 8 Journey Men June9 GenIX3-7

24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

(613)4981919

Quotations Quotations: Prosperity

Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want. ~ Albert F. Geoffrey True prosperity is the result of well-placed confidence in ourselves and our fellow man. ~ Benjamin Burt

May is Speech and Hearing Awareness Month Almost 25% of adult Canadians report some degree of hearing loss while over 50% of Canadians over the age of 65 have a hearing loss. The Hearing Care Counseling program at The Canadian Hearing Society (CHS) provides counseling, education, and support services to hard of hearing adults ages 55+, their family, and caregivers. Through office or home visits, we provide support in understanding hearing loss, managing difficult listening situations, and improving communication. We offer a wide variety of communication devices such as amplified telephones, TV listening devices, and alerting systems so you can live safely and independently in YOut home. Services for younger adults aged 16 - 54 and mental health services are also available. May is Speech and Hearing Awareness month . - a great tIme to contact us! For more information please call 613-4983933 (TTY: 1-877-817-8209), visit us at 68 William Street (2nd floor, Centre Pointe Plaza, Brockville), or email usatinfo@chs.ca. Our website is www.chs.ca Sue Baker, Program Assistant and Angela PagnieUo-Mande, Hearing Care Counsellor. (right to left)

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United Way Leeds & Grenville Change starts here.

Call (613) 342-°428 to have your businessfeatured here!

Prosperity in the form of wealth works exactly the same as everything else. You will see it coming into your life when you are unattached to needing it. ~ 1¥tzyne Dyer

McGuffy's News Website!! Attention Readers! Now even more fun, McGuffy's News has now websites in Brockville and Prescott. You can go to www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca or www.mcguffysnewsprescott.ca and view our virtual paper and also check our JOKE OF THE DAY! (You can even submit a joke-clean of course!) Or see our VIDEO OF THE WEEK! Or CHECK OUT THE MOST COMPREHENSIVE COMMUNITY EVENTS CALENDAR IN THE AREA (you can submit events for non-profit groups i.e. schools/organizations etc) and also view our COMMUNITY PHOTO GALLERY (You can send in your own pictures of events/ pets/ cars/boats/ children/ awards/ school! funny photos/ garden/ fishing/ etc. Anything you want to send to share with readers/ and the community. We will also have Sudoku and Crosswords you can play, on-line games and a lot more!!!! Check it out today and share with friends and family that McGuffy's News is now on-line in your area!!!


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Celebrity Quotes There's been nothing bur discipline, discipline, discipline all my life. ~

1.

In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.

2.

In Florida, women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.

3.

In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

4.

Citizens are not allowed to attend a movie house or theater nor ride in a public streetcar within at least four hours after eating garlic in Indiana.

Celine Dion

Fresh Fish

8 Foot Alligator Croiky! See Ya Later Alligator! It is bad enough to have a mouse scampering around the house bur imagine hearing a noise, then turning on the light to find an eight foot alligator in your kitchen! That's what happened to 69 year old Sandra Frosti of Tampa Florida. The burgling gator pushed its way through a screen porch door probably in search of food, walked through the house until it was discovered by Frosti in the kitchen. Luckily, neither one was hurt.

Across 4. Holy _ _ 6. Hungry predator fish 7. Common edible sunfish 8. Small minnow fish 10. Small freshwater pike

12. Large marine sport fish 13. Small Fish 14. Freshwater game fish 1S. A clupeid

Down 1. Small salmon like fish 2. Large-headed catfish 3. Crowded into cans S. Cod-like marine food 9. "Finnan haddie" fish 11. Small sunfish

Job Search Jargon Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long time veteran looking for a change of pace, this job search jargon should help you get on your way... CAREER-MINDED: We expect that you will want to flip hamburgers until you are 70.

CANADA What's weird:

SELF-MOTIVATED: Management won't answer questions

â&#x20AC;˘ Canadians consume more macaroni and cheese than any other nation on earth .

SOME OVERTIME REQYIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend

â&#x20AC;˘ There are no snakes, skunks or poison ivy on the island of Newfoundland

DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.


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Interesting Facts

~

G ol ) 1.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

2.

Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the

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3.

The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

4.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

5.

Marilyn Montoe had six toes. (rumor)

6.

All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

7.

Gift Certificates Available

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Beauty OfA Woman The beauty of a woman isn't in the clothes she wears, The figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman isn't in a facial mole; But true beauty in a woman, is reflected by her soul.

The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes; Because that's the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

It's the caring that she cares to give, the passion that she shows; And the beauty ofa woman with passing years only grows.

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Heather Chapman, B Comm, CA, CPA

New & Old - DrywalljWood ke Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotma

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Call Jon for details. (613) 342-0428

Eastern Independent Telecom Refurbishing Centre Quality Refurbished Computers at Amazing Prices!!! 613-342-9652 Ext# 224 100 5trowger Blvd Brockville, Onto Enter off Central Ave.

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Your business, your needs, our Help

'1

Freedom 55 Financial

A division of London Ute Insurance Company

Doug Phillips Financial Security Advisor

613-342-4401, ext. 251 ,-1o...IIJ. doug.phillips@f55f.com

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU Financial Security Advisor ~~

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Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

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"Parents and Children

JJ

Making the decision to have a child-it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ~ Elizabeth Stone Mother is the name for God in the lips and hearts oflittle children.

~

Wil-

liam Makepeace Thackery And so our mothers and grandmothers have, more often than not anonymously, handed on the creative spark, the seed of the flower they themselves never hoped to see -- or like a sealed letter they could not plainly read. ~ Alice

-walker

Most children suffer too much mother and too little father. ~ Gloria

Stein em

Airport Shuttle

Statistics

Tel: 613-345-4915 www.cwaylimo.com Brockville· Ontario· Canada

You cannot feed the hungry on statistics. ~

David Lloyd George

ROSEMARY'S OPTICAL SHOP

D

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EYE!)'IEAR LOOKS 'I

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.

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or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included) 51 King St. West, Brockvilie, ON (613) 498-2200 Fax (613) 498-2205

BonLen Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with shopping, medical care & entertainment.

Features & Benefits Stunning 1& 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Safety walk-in tubs • Sma II pets welcome • Protected by secu rity entra nce • All heat & hydro included • High speed internet available • Social activities & occasional group meals • All windows with blinds • Free laundry facilities with energy efficient appliances • Community room protected by power generator in case of power loss And much more! O~ ~ P LAC E ~

903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341 -1195 www.bonlenplace.com

Bizarre Real Lift Animal Laws 1.

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.

2.

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.

3.

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.

4.

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

5 ads you should check out in this issue!

./ Wine Kitz Customer Appreciation Sale ./ Hwy 29 Auto Service ./ Riverside Ford - We Sell Tires (email for a quote) ./Aqua Plus Pools ./ Pauline's Lingerie

Mcguffys News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 19  

Mcguffys News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 19

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