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Independently owned & operated

Rick Burt C.E.T. Sales Representative 1417 Maplewood Drive Direct: 613-498-7547 2 storey/4 bedrms Office:613-345-2121 ext 316 $367,500 C21burt@ripnet.com Worth a Look!

116 King Street W., Brockville, On

Breathtaking Home!!

Helping You Make The Right Move!

SPECIALIZING IN:

VEHICLE WRAPS

PROFESSIONAL SIGNS

Check us out at : www.tntdynamitesigns.com

C - Way Services Airport Shuttle

Independent Carefree Retirement Living

BonLen Place offers an independent Yet active adult lifestyle combining the advantages of serene country setting with nearby shopping, medical care & entertainment. Features & Benefits Stunning 1 & 2 bdrm suites • Stainless steel appliances • Rich cherry cabinetry • Heat & hydro included • Secured entrance • Safety walk-in tubs • High speed internet available And much more!

903 County Rd 21 R.R. # 4 Spencerville,On 613-341-1195 www.bonlenplace.com

Issue 26

doug.phillips@f55f.com

613-342-4401, ext. 233 gord.phillips@f55f.com Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

Empowering Thoughts All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. ~ Author Unknown At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros. ~ Paul Freund An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. ~ Author unknown, commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

Brockville and 1000 Islands

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons

Head Office: 306-446-2710

www.mcguffysnews.com McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

Change In Will The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.” “That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”

Your Princecraft Mercury Argo Dealer

613-925-5560

Johnstown, On

boat@stlawrencemarina.com

We Copy & Print

100 FREE

• Colour Digital Printing & Photocopying • Document Finishing • Business Cards & Stationery Items • Large Format Printing • Flyers & Brochures • And so much more! 79 –163 Ormond St Brockville, ON K6V 7E6

8½ x11 B⁄W Copies

Some store forfor Someconditions conditionsapply. apply.See See store details.Offer expiresJuly May16, 31, 2011.

T: 613.342.0333 store79@theupsstore.ca

Father: “I hear you skipped school to play football.”

$$ $$

Son: “No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it !”

$$ $$

Star Wars Funnies

www.cwaylimo.com Brockville • Ontario • Canada

Your Booksonal Per oday! T Visit

613-342-4401, ext. 251

Financial Security Advisor

Tel: 613-345-4915

Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00 or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included)

Financial Security Advisor

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU

PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS · FLEET TRUCKS · PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT · SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES · REAL ESTATE SIGNS · ILLUMINATED SIGNS

Doug Phillips

VOL. 5

Townsman Ltd., Brokerage

Quick Joke

-5497

“Visit my listings!” www.c21burt.com

Your business, your needs, our help

"Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars " • Never trust men in dark helmets. • It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. • When all else fails....jump! • If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. • Always check the background of people you want to get intimately involved with, they may be your relatives. • You may have family members in surprisingly high positions. • Before you kill someone make sure they aren’t your father. • Know the difference between power socket and a computer terminal. • No matter how tasty that hunk of meat looks on that pole on that forest moon, don’t grab it; it’s probably a trap. (Or: when you see a piece of dead meat impaled on a stake in the woods, LEAVE IT!!!!!!!!!)

You Should Check This Out! ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

5 ads you should check out in this issue! C21 Rick Burt – Sales Representative - Townsman Ltd., Brokerage Empower Network Rosemary’s Optical Shop Steve & Sons Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Mayfield Retirement Residence

Get With The PRO`s Oil Changes Starting at $29. 99!

Open 7 Days A Week!

New Boss A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, “Son, how much do you make a day?” The guy replies, “150 dollars.” The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, “Have you seen the UPS driver?? I asked him to wait here for me!”

Want A Permanent Front Page Lug Location? Call Jon at McGuffy’s News 613-342-0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

9 minute oil change! No appointments! And Warranty approved! Free Fluid Top Offs! Free Maintenance Inspection! Tire Sales & Changes Overs!

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hua-functional-fitness@hotmail.ca

Brockville, On

NOW OFFERING Work Out On Your Own Personal or Group Training Fitness Classes

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Innovative Workforce Solutions

ManpowerGroup Solutions Permanent Placement Skilled Trades Assessments Please Join our Broad Band of Expertise in Workforce Solutions

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613-342-0250

MANPOWER.COM


www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$” Start Up Bank Reconciliation Gov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’s Source Documentation Monthly Financial Statements

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper

613-246-6482

613 342 0428

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. “Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?” “Yep.” “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.” “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

What Do You Want To Reflect?

“In The

Of Brockville”

Guys & Gals Full Service Salon

613-498-9898 Steph Saunders Owner howyouwear@bellnet.ca 165 King St W Brockville

Loving atmosphere Trims Baths Nails

Paula Fairfield 613-345-6220 Owner/operator By appointment only Brockville, On. www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

PRICE

ALWAYS

Q: Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages? A: Because there were so many knights!

HAVE A QUESTION? OR WANT A QUOTE?

Q: What was Camelot? A: A place where people parked their camels!

Email the Experts! thetireguy@riversideford.ca

Riverside Ford Sales Ltd Brockville, ON

613-345-1909 Oveerars 15 Yerience Exp

Floor Refinishing

Fully Licensed & Insured

For All Your Hardwood Needs Specializing in refinishing Old Wood Floors

“Restore Your Floor and More”

www.dklflooring.com

Chris Plume 613-349-4500 chris@dklflooring.com

Q: How did Columbus’s men sleep on their ships? A: With their eyes shut! Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A: At the bottom!

Q&A

BEST

Question & Answer

Silly Quote A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

SAM’S BRASS RACKS Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

248 Park St., W., Prescott

613-925-3784 www.chartwellreit.ca

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.MCGUFFYSNEWSBROCKVILLE.CA !

Call Jon to Advertise

The F.B.I.

Roles And How We Play Them Whenever I’m disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. “Guess what Mom,” he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: “I’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.”

Saved By The Bell

Monday’s - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm Sam’s June & July Line-Up:

June 29 Full Circle

July 13 Blues Highway

July 6 The Journey Men

July 20 Gypsy Moon

July 7 Red Line (3-7) 24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

(613)498 1919

Birth Order Makes A Difference The Layette: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colorcoordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have are clean and discard only the ones with the scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people darkest stains. alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered Good Question a “dead ringer.”

Music Notes • Bob Dylan’s first professional performance was as opening act for John Lee Hooker at Gerde’s Folk City in New York, 1961. •

Before they were known as Journey, Steve Perry called his band Golden Gate Rhythm Section.

Kenneth Edmonds was nicknamed Babyface by funk guitarist Bootsy Collins.

The world’s largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Centre, New York, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the Guinness Book of World Records.

In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours.

Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time? Yes, if you stand back to back.

Little Bear Bookkeeping

Celebrity Quotes Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. ~ Miss Piggy

Your True Colors Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. ~ Fran Lebowitz


The Telemarketer

McGuffy’s Designed Ads Produce For You!

613-342-0428 Call for details.

This double size ad is available for your business! Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event in McGuffy’s News!

Word Ads Starting at $15.00+ HST

Call J 613-342-o0n 42 Today! 8

(50 Words or Less) jon@mcguffysnews.com

Across 2. Strive to win 5. Earth 7. Thrilling 8. Soft wet earth 9. Competing 11. Collision

14. Large Crash 15. Tip over bike 16. A set race path Down 1. Velocity 3. 2 wheeled vehicles

4. Large number of people 5. Expose to injury 6. Leap 10. Doing something 12. Fail to start 13. Extreme

Interesting Facts 1. Every day, between 12,000 and 14,000 tons of solid waste are disposed at the Fresh Kills Landfill in Staten Island, New York. 2. The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs. 3. As much as six percent of the world’s population may experience sleep paralysis, the inability to move and speak for several minutes after awakening. 4. Tide has 70 percent of the market share for detergent. 5. Forty percent of the American population has never visited a dentist.

Heartache I Believe... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

Ever Wonder? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Give us a call 613-342-5728

Open 7 Days a Week!

www.leedscountybooks.ca This area’s #1 supplier of river charts, topographical maps & regional books! Shop Online With Us

Summer Special! Save 25% OFF

Exhaust Struts We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

Examine Your Heart

Brakes/Bearings Transmission Service

HWY 29 Auto Service #3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On 613-342-5299

Man: My doctor has advised me to give up golf. Friend: Why? Did he examine your heart? Man: No, he had a look at my score card.

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129

Riddle

Ikea, known for having products with unique monikers, decided to give a newly designed children’s mobile workbench the name “Fartfull.” While the word means “speedy” in Swedish, American parents weren’t so quick to buy the desk for their kids. In the end, IKEA was forced to pull the item from its collection.

Great Summer Reading Titles!

The Solution . . . Fold one fuse and put another fuse next to it, light all three ends. When the fuse with both ends lit goes out, immediately light the other end of the lit fuse and light a new fuse. When the second fuse goes out you will have threequarters of an hour left burning on the third fuse.

Quick

Marketing Gone Awry

Motocross

Courtney Sadler Owner 73 King St W Brockville, ON

The Puzzle: In front of you are several long fuses. You know they burn for exactly one hour after you light them at one end. The entire fuse does not necessarily burn at a constant speed. For example, it might take five minutes to burn through half the fuse and fifty-five minutes to burn the other half. With your lighter and using these fuses, how can you measure exactly three-quarters of an hour of time?

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.MCGUFFYSNEWSBROCKVILLE.CA !

Wanted hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

We telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone. One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached. I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”

CROSSWORD

In A Hair Salon Window ...

Brain Teaser

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!!

Funny Signs

Call the plumbing & water experts today!

24/7 Service

3526 County RD 26, Prescott, ONT.

Need an electrifying ad?

Bizarre Laws In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

Marveling At The Moon Laika, a stray dog trained and chosen by the Russians for the expedition, became the first living being to go into space. He also became the first death. He died from overheating a few hours after the launch. Ham the Chimp was the first living American being that traveled into space. He was also called Astrochimp. On January 31, 1961, Ham was secured in a Project Mercury capsule. He had been trained to perform tasks while in the capsule, and he did everything he was asked to do. His flight lasted 16 minutes and 39 seconds. The capsule then splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean.

Call Jon (613) 342-0428

Bring This Ad In

Paling’s Family Fun Centre 1850 County RD 2 East Brockville, ON

613-342-8467

18 Hole Mini Golf - Driving Range Ticket Redemption Arcade Games

Chipwagon Style Food Coupon

18 HOLE MINIATURE GOLF 2 persons / $9 (Limit 2 coupons per group)

Expires 07/18/12

Coupon

DRIVING RANGE 2 Baskets / $9 (Limit 2 coupons per group)

Expires 07/18/12


Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!

At over 140 Locations in Brockville/Athens North Augusta/Lyn Mallorytown & Rockport

Itrix

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

Canadian Hearing Society

Free home or office visits • improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

Aqua Plus Pools

“Your Bridge Over Troubled Water” Contact the Pool Experts today to Maintain your Pool or Spa on a Weekly/Bi-Weekly Maintenance Schedule. Adam Fish Owner

Affordable Pricing! Call us for details!

613-340-9556

Put fo

Your In HERE!

Denture Specialist

Christie Aluminum Products

• Complete - partial dentures • Relines • Repairs • Soft Liners • Implant dentures No Referrals Necessary!

Custom windows that are a perfect fit! An air tight investment! High quality, energy efficient vinyl windows and doors!

Excellent Service for over 14 Years! Dentures made on site = Time+Cost Effective Maximum benefits from the most advanced denture technology

51 King St. West, Brockville, ON

Phone 613-498-3933

“Smile WITH CONFIDENCE!”

613-213-1888

Advertise in McGuffy’s

Great Results! 613 342 0428

jon@mcguffysnews.com

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario 613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

A Fresh Perspective Redefining "Victim" As a salesperson, trainer, speaker, and author since 1986, I know how easy it is to complicate a message. I've done it. I also know, as I'm sure you do, that when it comes to "free speech" and a democratic system, it can get messy. Opinions, theories, ideas, and "political positions" can become confused, twisted and self-serving. We have media that will do just about anything to pull in one more viewer, set of eyeballs, or long-term subscriber. But, let's give the media the benefit of the doubt by admitting truth: It's our human nature that makes us want to turn to watch the "car crash of human life" that's within our sight. In other words, we are both fascinated by and feel compassion for ... The Victim. But now it's time to unwind and uncomplicate this whole "I'm a victim!" mantra that has crept insidiously, dangerously, and destructively into our society. Here we go: * If I am mugged on the street, I am a victim. If my employer reduces my benefits, I am not a victim. * If a tornado knocks my house down, I am a victim. If someone makes more money than I do, I am not a victim * If the nearby river rises and my home now sits under water, I am a victim. If my bank charges ATM fees, I am not a victim. * If a thief steals my 60" flat screen, I am a victim. If I cannot afford a 60" flat screen but my neighbor can, I am not a victim. * If "the plague" strikes my family, I am a victim. If my employer won't pay for my continuing education, I am not a victim. * If a [3]Black Mamba escapes from the zoo and enters my home, biting me on the ankle and I am sick for months—I am a victim!!! But, if I am a new college grad with large school loans—I am not a victim. To be blunt, there isn't much in life that justifies me throwing a Pity Party for One. What is justified is working hard to eradicate this "everybody's a victim" mentality that abounds, because when I play victim I serve no one. Not even myself. The cure for victim thinking is simple: [4]Personal Accountability. Just ask QBQs such as, "What can I do to contribute?" "How can I be my best today?" and "What can I do to own my decisions?" These powerful questions will move me forward. And when I move forward, I stay out of the unproductive and wasteful trap of victim thinking. PS: After I eliminate my own victim-itis, it's time to help youth do the same. Here's the tool, now ready for purchase!: John G. Miller Author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ Denver, Colorado, USA 303-286-9900 John@QBQ.com

Maple Heights Tree Service Serving the Seaway and Ottawa Valley Professional...Yet Affordable Tree Removal Stump Grinding

Fully Insured Free Estimates DOUG CHAPMAN – PRESIDENT 1-877-MAPLE-10 mapleheights@xplornet.ca (1-877-627-5310)

Golden Soles

Silent Company

Eastern Ontario's Largest Selection of Orthotic & Comfort Footwear

I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. ~ Age 24

Gift Certificates 46 King St East, Brockville, On Available

My Dear Pet

613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Quick Quote

Rosemary Coleman Owner

Brad Sharron, DD 65 George St. Brockville, ON

www.brockvilledentureclinic.com

ROSEMARY’S OPTICAL SHOP • Quality Eyewear • Contact Lenses • Eye Exams Arranged • 24 Years of Experience

613-345-2110

Don’t live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. ~ Wendy Wasserstein

DisSenio cou r’s nts

Freeates Estim

Statistics Statistics of Heart Attack (Source : Heart & Stroke Foundation) 1. 1 in 4 Canadians will contract some form of heart disease 75,000 Canadians suffer heart attacks each year 2. Heart disease costs the Canadian economy approximately $19 billion every year in medical services, hospitalization expenses, loss of income and loss of productivity 3. The rate of death among patients hospitalized for heart attacks has been decreased by half, from 16 per cent to 8 per cent 4. 1 in 2 heart attack victims are under the age of 65 Sudoku Solution

Crossword Solution

New & Old - Drywall/Wood Mike Dowdall, Owner thepainterman3@hotmail.com

Advertise Your Spa Specialties.

Call Jon for details. (613) 342-0428

Starting @ $99.00


www.littlebearbookkeeping.ca

“Good Bookkeeping Makes Good Cent$” Start Up Bank Reconciliation Gov’t Remittances

Payroll-ROE’s-T4’s Source Documentation Monthly Financial Statements

Patricia Doucette Owner/Bookkeeper

613-246-6482

613 342 0428

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.” The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. “Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?” “Yep.” “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.” “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”

What Do You Want To Reflect?

“In The

Of Brockville”

Guys & Gals Full Service Salon

613-498-9898 Steph Saunders Owner howyouwear@bellnet.ca 165 King St W Brockville

Loving atmosphere Trims Baths Nails

Paula Fairfield 613-345-6220 Owner/operator By appointment only Brockville, On. www.mydoggroomerpawla.com

PRICE

ALWAYS

Q: Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages? A: Because there were so many knights!

HAVE A QUESTION? OR WANT A QUOTE?

Q: What was Camelot? A: A place where people parked their camels!

Email the Experts! thetireguy@riversideford.ca

Riverside Ford Sales Ltd Brockville, ON

613-345-1909 Oveerars 15 Yerience Exp

Floor Refinishing

Fully Licensed & Insured

For All Your Hardwood Needs Specializing in refinishing Old Wood Floors

“Restore Your Floor and More”

www.dklflooring.com

Chris Plume 613-349-4500 chris@dklflooring.com

Q: How did Columbus’s men sleep on their ships? A: With their eyes shut! Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A: At the bottom!

Q&A

BEST

Question & Answer

Silly Quote A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad. ~ Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919)

Your parents helped you cross the street safely, learn to ride a bike and drive a car

Now they need you to help them make the right decision

SAM’S BRASS RACKS Big Screen ~ NHL Package ~ NFL ~ Nascar Sundays

248 Park St., W., Prescott

613-925-3784 www.chartwellreit.ca

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.MCGUFFYSNEWSBROCKVILLE.CA !

Call Jon to Advertise

The F.B.I.

Roles And How We Play Them Whenever I’m disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he’d set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. “Guess what Mom,” he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: “I’ve been chosen to clap and cheer.”

Saved By The Bell

Monday’s - Pool League 7pm Thurdays - Karaoke Fridays - Live Entertainment 8pm - 12pm Sam’s June & July Line-Up:

June 29 Full Circle

July 13 Blues Highway

July 6 The Journey Men

July 20 Gypsy Moon

July 7 Red Line (3-7) 24 Perth St, Brockville, ON

(613)498 1919

Birth Order Makes A Difference The Layette: 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colorcoordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a “bone-house” and reuse the grave. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have are clean and discard only the ones with the scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people darkest stains. alive. So they thought they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they? would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered Good Question a “dead ringer.”

Music Notes • Bob Dylan’s first professional performance was as opening act for John Lee Hooker at Gerde’s Folk City in New York, 1961. •

Before they were known as Journey, Steve Perry called his band Golden Gate Rhythm Section.

Kenneth Edmonds was nicknamed Babyface by funk guitarist Bootsy Collins.

The world’s largest disco was held at the Buffalo Convention Centre, New York, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the Guinness Book of World Records.

In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK set a world record by disco dancing for 408 hours.

Is it physically possible for you to stand behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same time? Yes, if you stand back to back.

Little Bear Bookkeeping

Celebrity Quotes Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. ~ Miss Piggy

Your True Colors Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. ~ Fran Lebowitz


The Telemarketer

McGuffy’s Designed Ads Produce For You!

613-342-0428 Call for details.

This double size ad is available for your business! Advertise Your Non-Profit Community Event in McGuffy’s News!

Word Ads Starting at $15.00+ HST

Call J 613-342-o0n 42 Today! 8

(50 Words or Less) jon@mcguffysnews.com

Across 2. Strive to win 5. Earth 7. Thrilling 8. Soft wet earth 9. Competing 11. Collision

14. Large Crash 15. Tip over bike 16. A set race path Down 1. Velocity 3. 2 wheeled vehicles

4. Large number of people 5. Expose to injury 6. Leap 10. Doing something 12. Fail to start 13. Extreme

Interesting Facts 1. Every day, between 12,000 and 14,000 tons of solid waste are disposed at the Fresh Kills Landfill in Staten Island, New York. 2. The average human scalp has 100,000 hairs. 3. As much as six percent of the world’s population may experience sleep paralysis, the inability to move and speak for several minutes after awakening. 4. Tide has 70 percent of the market share for detergent. 5. Forty percent of the American population has never visited a dentist.

Heartache I Believe... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

Ever Wonder? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Give us a call 613-342-5728

Open 7 Days a Week!

www.leedscountybooks.ca This area’s #1 supplier of river charts, topographical maps & regional books! Shop Online With Us

Summer Special! Save 25% OFF

Exhaust Struts We Help Keep Car Repairs Affordable!

Examine Your Heart

Brakes/Bearings Transmission Service

HWY 29 Auto Service #3012 Hwy 29, Brockville, On 613-342-5299

Man: My doctor has advised me to give up golf. Friend: Why? Did he examine your heart? Man: No, he had a look at my score card.

Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Inc.

Ph: 613-925-0000 Fax: 613-925-0129

Riddle

Ikea, known for having products with unique monikers, decided to give a newly designed children’s mobile workbench the name “Fartfull.” While the word means “speedy” in Swedish, American parents weren’t so quick to buy the desk for their kids. In the end, IKEA was forced to pull the item from its collection.

Great Summer Reading Titles!

The Solution . . . Fold one fuse and put another fuse next to it, light all three ends. When the fuse with both ends lit goes out, immediately light the other end of the lit fuse and light a new fuse. When the second fuse goes out you will have threequarters of an hour left burning on the third fuse.

Quick

Marketing Gone Awry

Motocross

Courtney Sadler Owner 73 King St W Brockville, ON

The Puzzle: In front of you are several long fuses. You know they burn for exactly one hour after you light them at one end. The entire fuse does not necessarily burn at a constant speed. For example, it might take five minutes to burn through half the fuse and fifty-five minutes to burn the other half. With your lighter and using these fuses, how can you measure exactly three-quarters of an hour of time?

VISIT OUR NEW WEBSITE WWW.MCGUFFYSNEWSBROCKVILLE.CA !

Wanted hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

We telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone. One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached. I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”

CROSSWORD

In A Hair Salon Window ...

Brain Teaser

How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese!!

Funny Signs

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24/7 Service

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Need an electrifying ad?

Bizarre Laws In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking “at a woman in that way.” A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a “pair of horse-blinders” wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

Marveling At The Moon Laika, a stray dog trained and chosen by the Russians for the expedition, became the first living being to go into space. He also became the first death. He died from overheating a few hours after the launch. Ham the Chimp was the first living American being that traveled into space. He was also called Astrochimp. On January 31, 1961, Ham was secured in a Project Mercury capsule. He had been trained to perform tasks while in the capsule, and he did everything he was asked to do. His flight lasted 16 minutes and 39 seconds. The capsule then splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean.

Call Jon (613) 342-0428

Bring This Ad In

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Coupon

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Pick up McGuffy’s News every week!!

At over 140 Locations in Brockville/Athens North Augusta/Lyn Mallorytown & Rockport

Itrix

613 - 498 - 2200 Fax 613 - 498 - 2205

Canadian Hearing Society

Free home or office visits • improve communication • improve safety in your home • assistive listening devices • hearing aid batteries Please call us to find out more about our programs and services

TTY 1-877-817-8209

Or visit us at 68 William Street, Suite 205 Brockville, Ontario K6V 0A7

Check out what is happening daily for local community events @ www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca

Or submit your event to us to post on-line for FREE!

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Advertise in McGuffy’s

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jon@mcguffysnews.com

900 Industrial Rd, Prescott Ontario 613-925-5374 (cell) 613-802-2874

A Fresh Perspective Redefining "Victim" As a salesperson, trainer, speaker, and author since 1986, I know how easy it is to complicate a message. I've done it. I also know, as I'm sure you do, that when it comes to "free speech" and a democratic system, it can get messy. Opinions, theories, ideas, and "political positions" can become confused, twisted and self-serving. We have media that will do just about anything to pull in one more viewer, set of eyeballs, or long-term subscriber. But, let's give the media the benefit of the doubt by admitting truth: It's our human nature that makes us want to turn to watch the "car crash of human life" that's within our sight. In other words, we are both fascinated by and feel compassion for ... The Victim. But now it's time to unwind and uncomplicate this whole "I'm a victim!" mantra that has crept insidiously, dangerously, and destructively into our society. Here we go: * If I am mugged on the street, I am a victim. If my employer reduces my benefits, I am not a victim. * If a tornado knocks my house down, I am a victim. If someone makes more money than I do, I am not a victim * If the nearby river rises and my home now sits under water, I am a victim. If my bank charges ATM fees, I am not a victim. * If a thief steals my 60" flat screen, I am a victim. If I cannot afford a 60" flat screen but my neighbor can, I am not a victim. * If "the plague" strikes my family, I am a victim. If my employer won't pay for my continuing education, I am not a victim. * If a [3]Black Mamba escapes from the zoo and enters my home, biting me on the ankle and I am sick for months—I am a victim!!! But, if I am a new college grad with large school loans—I am not a victim. To be blunt, there isn't much in life that justifies me throwing a Pity Party for One. What is justified is working hard to eradicate this "everybody's a victim" mentality that abounds, because when I play victim I serve no one. Not even myself. The cure for victim thinking is simple: [4]Personal Accountability. Just ask QBQs such as, "What can I do to contribute?" "How can I be my best today?" and "What can I do to own my decisions?" These powerful questions will move me forward. And when I move forward, I stay out of the unproductive and wasteful trap of victim thinking. PS: After I eliminate my own victim-itis, it's time to help youth do the same. Here's the tool, now ready for purchase!: John G. Miller Author of ... ‘QBQ! The Question Behind the Question®’, ‘Flipping the Switch ... Unleash the Power of Personal Accountability’, ‘Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional’, http://www.qbq.com/ Denver, Colorado, USA 303-286-9900 John@QBQ.com

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Golden Soles

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I’ve learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. ~ Age 24

Gift Certificates 46 King St East, Brockville, On Available

My Dear Pet

613-342-7111 cell 613-340-6330

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Quick Quote

Rosemary Coleman Owner

Brad Sharron, DD 65 George St. Brockville, ON

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Don’t live down to expectations. Go out there and do something remarkable. ~ Wendy Wasserstein

DisSenio cou r’s nts

Freeates Estim

Statistics Statistics of Heart Attack (Source : Heart & Stroke Foundation) 1. 1 in 4 Canadians will contract some form of heart disease 75,000 Canadians suffer heart attacks each year 2. Heart disease costs the Canadian economy approximately $19 billion every year in medical services, hospitalization expenses, loss of income and loss of productivity 3. The rate of death among patients hospitalized for heart attacks has been decreased by half, from 16 per cent to 8 per cent 4. 1 in 2 heart attack victims are under the age of 65 Sudoku Solution

Crossword Solution

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Starting @ $99.00


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116 King Street W., Brockville, On

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Issue 26

doug.phillips@f55f.com

613-342-4401, ext. 233 gord.phillips@f55f.com Freedom 55 Financial and design are trademarks of London Life Insurance Company.

Empowering Thoughts All that stands between the graduate and the top of the ladder is the ladder. ~ Author Unknown At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros. ~ Paul Freund An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. ~ Author unknown, commonly attributed to Benjamin Franklin The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. ~ Aristotle

Your Local WEEKLY McGuffy’s Edition

To Advertise Contact Your Advertising Specialist Jon: 613 342 0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

Brockville and 1000 Islands

www.mcguffysnewsbrockville.ca Great Summer Prices On New Fishing Boats & Pontoons

Head Office: 306-446-2710

www.mcguffysnews.com McGuffy's Business and Career Opportunities Across Canada!

Change In Will The patient shook his doctor’s hand in gratitude and said, “Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will.” “That is very kind of you,” said the doctor emotionally, and then added, “May I see that prescription I just gave you? I’d like to make a little change…”

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Father: “I hear you skipped school to play football.”

$$ $$

Son: “No I didn’t, and I have the fish to prove it !”

$$ $$

Star Wars Funnies

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Your Booksonal Per oday! T Visit

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Financial Security Advisor

Tel: 613-345-4915

Single vision eyewear lenses & frames $129.00 or 1 year supply $199.00 Acuve advance plus (free trial fitting included)

Financial Security Advisor

Gord Phillips, REBC, GBA, RHU

PORTABLE RENTAL SIGNS · FLEET TRUCKS · PAINT PROTECTION · HEAVY EQUIPMENT · SOLVENT PRINTING · VEHICLE STRIPES · REAL ESTATE SIGNS · ILLUMINATED SIGNS

Doug Phillips

VOL. 5

Townsman Ltd., Brokerage

Quick Joke

-5497

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Your business, your needs, our help

"Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars " • Never trust men in dark helmets. • It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. • When all else fails....jump! • If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. • Always check the background of people you want to get intimately involved with, they may be your relatives. • You may have family members in surprisingly high positions. • Before you kill someone make sure they aren’t your father. • Know the difference between power socket and a computer terminal. • No matter how tasty that hunk of meat looks on that pole on that forest moon, don’t grab it; it’s probably a trap. (Or: when you see a piece of dead meat impaled on a stake in the woods, LEAVE IT!!!!!!!!!)

You Should Check This Out! ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓ ✓

5 ads you should check out in this issue! C21 Rick Burt – Sales Representative - Townsman Ltd., Brokerage Empower Network Rosemary’s Optical Shop Steve & Sons Plumbing, Heating & Water Services Mayfield Retirement Residence

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New Boss A business owner decides to take a tour around his business and see how things are going. He goes down to the shipping docks and sees a young man leaning against the wall doing nothing. The owner walks up to the young man and says, “Son, how much do you make a day?” The guy replies, “150 dollars.” The owner pulls out his wallet, gives him $150, and tells him to get out and never come back. A few minutes later, the shipping clerk asks the owner, “Have you seen the UPS driver?? I asked him to wait here for me!”

Want A Permanent Front Page Lug Location? Call Jon at McGuffy’s News 613-342-0428 jon@mcguffysnews.com

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Mcguffys News Brockville Vol 5 Issue 26