That’s All I Can Remember Melanie Katz, Part 9
Staring out of the second floor window, the antennae on the rooftop began to rock back and forth. Our brownstone began to shake; Mom was napping in her bedroom. I walked closer to the window, and hopped on the couch. The noise began to roar louder. “Wait, Wa . . . What’s she doing, what’s going on?” I could make out two women and a man’s voice in the background. There was a tiny speaker box in my ear; it hurts, sort of like a really bad ear infection. I was about 2 years old, I wondered what they wanted. “Mom!” “I felt it too sweetheart, it was an earthquake.” She was pretty shaken up, and immediately called her Mom. “Mom . . . but Mom, somebody’s talking in my ear, I hear them, and they want to know what I’m doing. It hurts Mommy, my ear hurts.” I complained all day that day, my Mom finally laid my head on her lap. She looked in my ear with a flashlight, expecting to see an ear infection. “Oh my gosh, wait, I’ll be right back”. She rushed to the kitchen to retrieve a sandwich bag. I hopped back in her lap, and she said, “Okay, be extremely still, okay hun, and don’t move.” A slight pinch, then relief, “Ah, that’s feels better Mommy. I’m tired.” She dropped the tiny black box into a sandwich bag. “I’m taking this to the lab to have it analyzed”. “Yeah, amin-lized”, as I drifted off to sleep.
Dad was on the couch reading “The Seven Wonders of the World”. I loved that book; there were photos and descriptions of the most beautiful places on earth. I tried to interpret what they were built for; I think they were just showing off. Who had the best and most massive monstrosity in all the land? “Come on Mel, up, up, up.” Mom dressed me up in my favorite dress today, my hair with bedazzled pigtails. “It’s time for your photoshoot Mel”. I hopped on the table, gave my best pose and smile. When the photoshoot was over, we hopped on the couch and kicked our feet in the air with laughter. “Come on Mel, do it!” She
turned on the television and my favorite show was on. The theme music came on; I would run down the hall and slide into the living room on my knees. My hair laid on my shoulders had become a part of the routine. “Yeah, Mel!” My head rotated my bright red hair in circles to the music. That’s my show; I’m there, just for that moment. Just waking up to the sun shining bright, so bright in my face, and I try to rise to my feet. My legs swung around and were planted on the ground. My body jerked forward, my head hung toward my thighs. I looked at my left arm; there was a huge red and purple mark, and a needle mark, an insertion point. I’d been drugged. I tried to stand; my vision was blurry, almost gray. I stumbled to my car; I drove for miles, until I reached a parking lot. I just sat there in the parking lot, trying to pull it together. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that. Before I knew it, I was there for about 4 hours before I’d gotten myself together. It was just the tip of the iceberg. There was no sign of forced entry anywhere in my home. I don’t know who it was or why. Sometimes I wake up with a bloody rectum, bruises, scars, no one sees anything. I’d asked the neighbors, there’s no sign of anyone on camera going in or out of my home. How is this possible? I was there alone. Melanie Katz, was no longer Melanie Katz, I’d become someone else. Often staring into space as if it was all a dream, I felt nothing. Hurt from people who worshipped, scorned by people who claimed a religion that called me the Devil. I no longer believed, I don’t believe, it’s just a hoax like everything else. So fake, fake people, fake occurrences, faux feelings exhausted by some of the same things they tucked away that I’d succumbed. I’d been through nothing; there were horror stories beyond belief. I still find myself thankful, forgiving, jovial, and excited for the next day. Unbreakable, I’d become. That’s what pisses them off the most, be unbreakable. When you should be crying, smile, when you feel pain, laugh, when you feel anger, dance, when you feel alone, sing. Everything they wanted you to hurt about was all make believe. We learn to train our brain, you know, for different things. To awaken for work every morning, to build a routine, or recurring moments for life sustaining tasks.
At night sometimes, is the best time to walk, to look toward the stars. Stargazing, through my telescope, Mom pointed out Mars. That night years ahead I’d walk as an adult, it’s cloudy, humid. I looked into the sky, I don’t know what I was thinking, and I closed my eyes it began to pour. Torrential rain, I lifted my hand toward the sky, a bolt of lightning struck, so loud, so bright. Afraid, I walked a little faster to the door, looking back and into the sky. There it was again, thunder lightening, pouring rain. I must be off my rocker. I sat in the kitchen, shaking with fear. I’d better go lay down. It had been 2 years, he’d been away on business. There was a knock on the door it was him. “So your back?” Melanie still doesn’t know what her husband does for a living, sometimes he didn’t come home. He’d been away for 2 years this time, she had no choice, she just let him in.
A Memoir by Melanie Katz Series 1, Part 9