The
Daily
Spread
17th November 2011
Late London Edition
EXCLUSIVE It’s the end of the jar for Lord Marmarati and conduct unbecoming of a member of the
licked his last butter knife.
Marmarati.
Be-squish the yeast worm
Weeks of Suspicion Lord Marmarati first stumbled from grace in
to be named described Lord Marmarati as “a
August when his own butler spied him having an
yeast worm that deserves to be squished by the
illicit pre supper snack of marmalade. Rumours
shoe of justice”. Another said that “upon the
spread faster than Marmite over muffins that the
morn I shall savour my XO all the more for the
ex-great leader’s tongue had been turned by the
knowledge that our dark elixir has been saved
citrus poison.
from such grave danger”.
Treachery and perfidy
A punishment to fit the crime
Lord Marmarati was then seen dining on
Presiding Judge Renfrew Wilson sentenced
marmalade with Lady Marmaladi and was
Lord Marmarati to be Marmited and feathered
later found to have placed a large order for
followed by 10 years hard labour in the glass
marmalade and to have holidayed in Seville,
blowing factory.
Esteemed readers, The Daily home of the Seville orange, the devil in fruit Spread can exclusively form that birthed the sticky venom. Our reveal that, following weeks fallen Lord also made a series of suspicious of suspicion, Lord Marmarati communiations via the electric telephone hath been this very eve to Denmark. Most shocking of all was the found guilty of treason in a relevation, before the court of Marmarati Law court of Marmarati Law and that he plotted with the Marmaladi to endanger sentenced to Marmite and the precious formula of XO. feathering followed by 10 years hard labour in the glass Mounting evidence blowing factory. Lord Marmarati protested his innocence right Before an audience of Marmarati members, a jury of his peers found Lord Marmarati guilty of consorting with the Marmaladi, squandering Marmarati riches, endangering the future of XO
A member of the Marmarati who did not wish
Long Live Lord Mamarati In accordance with ancient Marmarati Law, a new Lord Marmarati was elected post haste, without further ado and with notable absence of brouhaha. Candidates Master Spreader David Titman, Senior Ambassador Nathan Pask and Master Blender St.John selflessly volunteered for the role, and although all present agreed the trio were good and worthful candidates, the gathered parties hearts and minds were with
to the very last. But in the face of mounting
Master Blender St.John. He pipped the post and
evidence, his besmirched reputation proved
is thusly elected Lord Marmarati. Long Live
as difficult to cleanse as pyjamas stained with
Lord Marmarati.
Marmite during a midnight snack, leading one observer to conclude that Lord Marmarati had
Read more of his daring escape on page 2...