SHORT – STORY REVIEWS
A BILATERAL E-TWINNING PROJECT BETWEEN LYCÉE RIBEAUPIERRE RIBEAUVILLE FRANCE
EKONOMSKO-BIROTEHNIČKA ŠKOLA SLAVONSKI BROD CROATIA
ON THE FRENCH SIDE:
Studying languages implies developing various skills but to do so teachers have to be aware of what their pupils are interested in. The theme of thrillers usually wins over most pupils as suspense never fails to catch their attention. We naturally started with the reading skill. It gave pupils the opportunity to learn new vocabulary related to the theme and to work on past tenses. But whodunit stories are much more than that. Writers have to create original characters, to find an interesting plot, to build up tensions and to lead the readers on the wrong track and leave red-herrings. French pupils enjoyed reading one of Ruth Rendellâ€™s short-story and analyzing the way she created suspense and managed to surprise the readers with an unexpected end. Then, naturally, we decided to write short-stories and organize a little contest within the class. The project was motivating. Pupils/groups had code names and voted for the best one. We could have left it there, as it was, but then, thanks to e-twinning, we had the opportunity to get in touch with readers from all over Europe. Why not try this experience? How motivating for the pupils to have readers from another country and have a feedback on their work, on their writing skills and thus have the possibility to improve their ability to write gripping detective stories. After posting our project, we immediately got an enthusiastic answer from a Croatian teacherâ€Ś This is how the project evolvedâ€Ś
Sandrine Krempper, English teacher
ON THE CROATIAN SIDE:
Having successfully finished an eTwinning project with another French partner school, my students were eager to keep on using their English. And there was a post by a French colleague who was looking for a group of foreign students willing to read 18 short crime stories written in English by her students and also willing to write reviews in a constructive way, in order to help her students improve if there was anything to improve… Since young people are not much into reading today as they used to be in the past, I was a bit afraid that the idea of reading 18 stories might put my students off. Luckily, it didn’t. They embarked on reading. Almost unanimously they decided what the best story was in terms of atmosphere, suspense, the use of past tenses and character description. In a way, it attracted them to reading.
So, here are the authors and the stories presented according to the number of votes given, starting with the winner. Each story is followed by the reviews written by Croatian students, who also illustrated some of the stories.
We hope you will enjoy reading this e-book at least as much as we enjoyed working on this project.
Mirta Kos Kolobarić, English teacher
The maniac It had been one month since ten teenagers aged17 had been killed by someone, someone unknown to everyone, even the police. Investigators did not find who this murderer might be. On the crime scene, no blood, no fingerprints or any evidence could be distinguished. No stories like this one was so strange, never the town of Woodboro had known such a fright. My name is Jill, I have been 17 years old for 2 months and I live with my mum, Kate, she’s suffering from an illness which prevents her from living like everybody because she can not refrain tidying up and cleaning everything . Doctors find no fault with her but they know that she has a psychological problem. It was Monday, I really wanted to go to the party that my friend Carter had organised for her 18 birthday. I had not asked my mum yet if I could go there but I already knew that she would not let me go outside at night with this story of murders. I came back home at 5 p.m., my mum was cleaning the desk in the living-room, I decided to ask her now. I started to stay: « Mum, hum, you know Carter? She organises a party for her 18 birthday≠, can I go there? » Her mum stopped cleaning and listened to this question, I continued: « I’m sorry to ask you so late but she just told me that she organised a party this morning. » Kate didn’t reflect a lot before answering and she said: « I don’t want you to go to Carter’s party, didn’t you hear the story of the ten teenagers who were murdered?! » « I’m scared of that, you’ll not go over there! Sorry honey! » I was very disappointed but I would not stay here at home, I had to find a solution, and it was to run away at night, when my mum would be sleeping. I’m not scared of this serial killer because I’ll just run in the street to reach in Carter’s house. Later, I saw my mother sleeping on the sofa, I made a little sound to make sure she was sleeping, and I was right, she didn’t move. I put on a beautiful black evening dress which has a long V-neck.
Then, I took my keys, I switched off the lights and I ran away from my house discreetly. On the road, I came across several of my neighbours who were taking their trash out, the lampposts of the village were all switched on. I was not afraid to be killed because it was only 8 p.m, and people were making the most of* the good weather outside. I took me 25 minutes before arriving to Carter house’s.
During the party, I didn’t drink a lot because I had to come back by foot. I hoped that my mother hadn’t noticed my absence because otherwise* she would kill me! No, it’s an expression but I would be punished for a long time, I think. After the party, I walked in the dark and sinister street, this time, there was no lamp switched on like before the party, but just sounds which were strange for me. I had scarcely walked 20 meters, when I heard someone walking behind me, all at once, I turned around to check that nobody was following me in this chilly damp night. I decided to run like I had never run because my heart was beating very fast, I thought of this serial killer, he could be anywhere but especially anyone. So I had better go back home fast. I remembered that Carter’s father was an investigator. He had said to me that the crime places had been perfectly cleaned with some bleach*. That’s very strange because usually, a serial killer lets his victims strangled and ripped on the floor after killing them, but there; he takes the corpses with him and cleans up the place. I continued walking and I had to stop thinking of that because it scared me a lot! After 25 minutes, there was just a gust of wind, I arrived in front of my door. I noticed that a light was switched on in the cellar. Usually, nobody, not even my mom and I, go to our old cellar because we just put objects that we don’t need any more in it. And especially, my mom has never wanted me to go over there but I have never known why. After noticing that, I looked for my keys in my pocket, I inserted it into the door and opened it gently so as not wake my mom up. I just made 3 steps in my house, I removed my shoes with lots of efforts because I was very tired. I didn‘t switch on the light, so I couldn’t see clearly where I was going. Having removed my shoes, I walked straight ahead because I knew that the staircase was not far, but with an abrupt gesture, awkward as I am, I bumped against the piece of furniture where the my mom’s favourite vase was put. It made a big sound but I noticed that my mom hadn’t heard it because she didn’t come downstairs. When I was ready to go to sleep very discreetly, I remembered that the light of the cellar was still switched on. I was nevertheless sure that I had switched off the lights before leaving. To tell the truth I did not even go to the cellar; that was really strange! I decided to go down there. I slowly opened the door which led directly to the dark staircase. The door creaked and made a sharp noise which resounded across the whole house. 5
When I got ready to go down the stairs, a feeling invaded me: I had the impression that somebody was standing behind me, I could feel a presence. At this moment, I began to be terribly afraid, because I did not dare to turn around. My heart beat in the same way as in the street, I felt exactly the same thing, it was terrifying. But I had to turn around, I took my courage in both hands and sharply looked behind me, there was nobody. I said to myself that I was paranoiac, or it was because I was tired. After my fright*, I hesitated to switch off the lights because for that I had to go downstairs, but my mother did not want me to go there. That was it, I was decided, I went downstairs. Once there, I saw that the cellar was quite sinister, it made me shiver, which did not give me confidence. So, I decided to have a look around the cellar, to understand my mom, but there was nothing, a part this black curtain which hid something. It intrigued me but I was so afraid of discovering what could hide behind. Thus I began to go up the staircase when suddenly I heard a noise, as if a bottle had fallen on the ground. I looked behind me, indeed, a bottle of bleach had fallen to the ground. I went to collect it, and there I saw the curtain which was waving alone, I became so scared that I ran to the other end of the cellar to hide in a corner. I had never known such a fright. I wanted only one thing, my mom to protect me! After a few minutes I decided to go to see behind the curtain, I made some steps, I pulled slightly the fabric*, and then: "BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" A scream had invaded me ears and I shouted as ever! When I recovered, I saw 10 corpses and then, my mother, tilted* above me, with a rag filled with bleach, and I just heard: « You shouldn’t have broken my favorite vase. » « happy hour » Vocabulary help : maniac : crazy person, to make the most of : enjoy every moment of a situation, otherwise: if it weren’t the case, the situation would be different , bleach: chemical used to clean or to make something white, fright: feeling of fear , fabric: material made by weaving wool, cotton, silk… used for making clothes, curtains, … , to tilt: to move into a position with one side higher than the other REVIEWS: The story was incredible for me. It was absolutely n°1 for me with its theme, structure, characters and end. No bad comments on this story. WOW, this is very good story, never expected that ending. It is excellent. I think your story is a good one. I like the red herrings because I think nobody would say that the killer is mum. Your vocabulary is rich. 6
Atmosphere in the story is really good. You have rich vocabulary and congratulations on it. I would not change anything. The story is tense and I couldn’t imagine that her mother is the killer and that her mother would kill her, either. It is humoristic, too because her mother killed her because of the broken vase. Good idea. Story is great. Atmosphere is great and all actions that happen through the story. Your vocabulary is rich and you don’t have to change anything. It is really good. I was surprised how good this story is. At first, I resented when I saw how long your story was, but when I started read I could not stop reading until the end. Great story with great ending. I really liked this story because it is very original and very tense story, which kept me in suspense. The story is absolutely amazing and legendary. Definitely crime story #1. Nothing to blame. Great job. This is the best story I read. I wouldn't change anything. The story contains all parts which story must have. It is amazing story. Almost everything is perfect. And it is a very scary story, too. I am veeeeeeery happy that I read this story and still am in shock how good it is. Story was totally original. I liked it very much, I was terrified while reading it. I would like to congratulate the writer for doing such an awesome story. Well-done! Unexpected ending. Great! It’s one of the best stories I have read. Very nice and shocking. Great job!
Crime short story Harry was a student who was 26 years old and who was in his 6th year of medicine. When he was in high school, he had some neurologic and psychiatric problems. In fact he became crazy and he tried to kill his girlfriend. Thankfully he was stopped by a teacher and the judges said that he wasn’t guilty but he spent one year in a lunatic asylum. After that he started his studies again but he was a man of great abilities and he had his science-based baccalauréat and he entered the faculty of medicine to fulfill his dream: to become an emergency surgeon. It was Sunday and after a long day of boredom in the city, he came back home and he watched TV. He saw a really frightening scene. The news showed a bloody slaughter that happened only 2 hours before. The policemen had found five dead bodies, it was a whole family, and they had been beheaded*. But that was not all; the murderer was so cruel that he had eviscerated the three children and he labeled* the organs. The flash was so disgusting that Harry felt nauseous. What’s more at the end of the report, the journalist said that the slaughter had happened in the Harry’s street. Instantaneously, as he was smart, he thought that the cops would accuse him especially because of his medical past and his studies. Moreover he realized that only a doctor could have the knowledge to label the organs with such precision. The following day, he woke up at 6 a.m. and he worked harder than the other days and he didn’t see time go by. It was 9.00 p.m. when he came back home and the street was very dark. It was a night without moon and there weren’t any streetlights in the Harry’street except one but it always flickered*. Harry was scared stiff of the dark but the idea to meet the killer didn’t frighten him at all. At home he read in the newspaper the interview of an agent of the federal bureau of investigation. He said that the killer certainly had some psychiatric problems. After the dinner, like every evening he was watching TV when the journalist announced a second slaughter. Unfortunately it was for the second time in Harry’s street. At the same time, there was someone at the door and Harry thought who he would die but it was the police. They arrested him and they took away him to the police station. During four hours, they asked him questions. They told him not they had found hairs and fingerprints on the crime scene and moreover, Harry didn’t have an alibi. They put him in jail 8
for a day and during this day nobody was killed. As a result, they casted suspicion on Harry but they released him for lack of* evidence. He felt his medical problems coming out. In the street, when he passed by someone, he imagined him without head, arms and without legs. It was as if his eyes were X-ray and played labeling the guys’ organs. He was sure of it, he was becoming crazy. In the evening, someone knocked on the door. Harry took a butcher blade and he opened the door while screaming. But a strange man wearing a hood entered. Harry recognized him, it was the friend whom he tried to kill when they were in high school. He said “when you tried to kill me, I had been surprised and since the day, I have been having nightmares every night, it’s horrible. I have put your hairs and your fingerprints on the crime scene. I have collected them on your door handle and in the doormat* in front of your door. I AM THE KILLER”. Harry wanted to defend himself and to answer him. But without thinking of out it, he leaped on Harry but he stumbled on the carpet and fell down on the floor. To save his life Harry stabbed him and like the murderer, he eviscerated the victim. Finally he had lost all hope and he threw himself out of the window. Harry‘s neighbors heard a scream and called the police. They arrived on the crime scene followed by journalists. They confirmed their assumption* to the world when they discovered the scene. For them, Harry was the killer. Anonymous
Vocabulary help: to behead: to cut off someone’s head, to label: to fix a label = a piece of paper attached with information about the thing, to flicker: ‘of a light or flame) = to keep going on and off as it shines or burns , lack of: = state of not having something or not having enough of, doormat: piece of strong material near a door that people use to clean their shoes, assumption: supposition/hypothesis
REVIEWS: In the beginning it was mentioned that Harry tried to kill his girlfriend in high school, but at the end of the story the killer was a male friend that Harry tried to kill in high school – it’s a small mistake, so it hasn’t affected that much the meaning of the text. Otherwise, story was tense and had an unexpected end. Great! I like this story a lot because even in the beginning I thought that it would be very good. And it is good because story tense is enough. Only thing I would do is add more crime words.
You have a rich vocabulary, and the action of the story is interesting and follows the course of events. The end of story is a little sad and unexpected because to the world Harry was the killer, and it is not true. It is really interesting and exhaustive. I do not have any bad comments. This story is great. A little bit I expected more action, but the atmosphere is amazing. Story is really good. All parts of it are interesting and you make man keep on reading. The end is also very creative and I don’t think I want to change anything. You should write a book on this theme! The story is great. This was my second best story. I really liked the idea, originality and imagination of yours. It has all possible parts and the action is very interesting and tense to read. Very wellwritten. The story is ok but personally, I think it should be more tense. If you ask me, the characters should be more developed so that story could be more tense. For me, this story is the best. It contains all the parts that the story should have. I wouldn't change anything except that maybe I would add a little more scary parts of the story to make it more tense. It is an excellent story. I also thought that Harry is a killer. But in the beginning of the story it is written that Harry tried to kill his girlfriend and not a friend how it was written in the end of the story.
I think this story should become a book or something - it is that good. I liked this story very much, as you can see. I just can’t decide if Harry did a good thing or a bad one. He would be accused of those murders but I think that the truth always wins in the end and that he should not end his life when he was not guilty. On the other hand, he is guilty for the destiny of that friend - he made him a killer and he probably could not live with it on his soul. Furthermore, the story was a hit!
If you ask me, I would write more crime words in it. The rest of it is just fine. One of the best two stories.Very interesting and amusing. 10
Crime Story -Help! Can somebody save me? I was running in the night breathlessly. It was a chilly damp night with gusts of wind. I was dogged* by someone. My legs were hurting because of the running and my pulse was racing. The town was as depopulated as if a plague had scoured* it, even the restaurant had closed their doors. The only source of light was coming from some street lamps scattered at each corner but I wasn’t able to find my way because of the mist. My reflection in the shop windows didn’t send me back anything good but the worst was certainly the man behind me. I could feel his eyes following me. I recognized his silhouette. I had already seen him on the news on the TV and in the newspaper. His yellow pants too wide, his shirt and his haircut like in the 70s… he could only be Buddy, the serial killer in the guise of a clown. This year he had already stabbed 5 women but he started his slaughter 3 years before and nobody had found anything about his true identity. His “trademark” was a heart-shaped balloon tied to his victim’s wrist*, women exclusively. They all had the same profile: approximately 67 tall and blond-haired. I could not feel concerned but I had the same size and I was golden-haired too. We could say that I was in the right category. My boyfriend has always told me to stay at home the evening because it was dangerous for me. I have never wanted to stay at home just because they say I’m too weak, it’s unfair! I want to live my life too and now I‘m going to die! Maybe I should have listened to them… The street was damp, dismal and silent. I felt as if we were in one of those horror movies: a weak and defenceless woman and behind her a psychopath serial killer in the process of tracking her. I was used to watching this type of movie with my friends and my boyfriend. It was a ritual, a kind of tradition between us. Every month we met and we watched movies in a big room. A long time ago we watched a film titled “it”. It was the scariest movie I had ever seen. Everybody knew that Kate and I had an aversion to clowns. Jenny a friend of mine had really wanted to watch it. She said: “-Well, I really want to watch this movie, I’m interested in the way the clown tracked people! - How scary! Kate had declared. - I totally agree with you Kate I don’t want to watch it! I had said. - But come on girls, everybody is okay! Jenny had begged.” We watched the movie and it was horrible! My boyfriend and the other guys tried to makes us laugh because they didn’t want to show that they were afraid just like us.
That night, in my bed, I had a nightmare in which one somebody wore the same clown costume as Pennywise. I screamed in my sleep and Jake comforted me during a moment. I will never forget this night, 14th February 2009, the night when the murders started. I stumbled* on the pavement. I had to concentrate and focus my mind on my race because I had lost too much speed. The clown was coming dangerously close. His big shoes resounded in the entire street. -Stay here! He shouted. Really funny right! As if I was going to stop and wait for him to kill me… Today I was supposed to spend my evening with my boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. It was supposed to be a perfect night with a perfect lunch prepared by Jake but everything went wrong. My job today had been the same as usual, I work in a hospital as a nurse with my friend Jenny. We finished our work at 6h30 pm after the sunset. The street was dark and the air was dense. I felt as if I was locked in a small room plunged in the darkness, it was almost stifling, I couldn’t breathe properly. She told me: “- I’ve got to go and change clothes. -Are you going to put on an amazing dress? I asked -Er, not this time, I’ll wear simple colorful pants. Jenny answered. -Well I guess you’ll be beautiful as usual, see you. -I hope so, bye bye. She said.” We left the place, and we parted* on one corner of the street. After some few minutes, the silhouette appeared behind a car. It was holding a big knife which blinded me for a second. A thousand ideas raced through my mind but I couldn’t move. To me it was simply impossible that I would be his next victim. I didn’t want to die in those horrible conditions. My boyfriend was a policeman. One day he had described me the murder: “- Well, you really want to hear that sweety? He had asked. -Yeah, of course it’s your work and thanks to what you are going to say I will know what he can do! I had answered. -Okay then for the first victim the clown had slit* her wrist, the second one had been smothered*. But this was nothing compared to his cruelty of the last murders. He slit a victim's throat or he opened her stomach and at the end he left them in a puddle of blood. One day he even wrote on a wall: “your anguish will be a sight to behold”, horrible right? He had said. This person is inhuman! I can’t believe there is somebody like that in this town! I had sworn. My boyfriend’s supervisors said the clown was psychologically unstable and he wasn't a good serial killer because he always changed his manner to kill, he imitated the famous ones. My boyfriend didn't agree with them. He thought the clown was very efficient in his murder and was very dangerous. I knew, he just wanted to protect me. Everybody had his own opinion about this horrible clown. When he started to rush towards me I understood that I had to run as fast as possible. I screamed and shouted I needed somebody’s help. Maybe Jenny was still in the surroundings? After all only 3 minutes had elapsed* since we parted. But nobody answered me. I was lonely in this February night. 12
He was running slowly because of his heavy disguise. Thanks to this fact I was out of Buddy view during one second. I jumped in a small alley, I was just thinking that I needed to hide. And this worked. After half an hour the street was deserted again. I was so scared, I almost couldn't move. I had a quick look at the street, no one. This nightmare was over, he had given up the hunting, I would be able to see my boyfriend again, to wake up another day and to enjoy my life. I walked quickly to my home. When I came inside I felt safe. My dining room was in the dark, the only source of light come from candles scattered in the house. Jake had decorated the house with flowers, balloons and little hearts everywhere. He was standing in the corridor, waiting for me. I ran into his arm, and the automatic light switched on. In the mirror I saw his reflection, he was wearing yellow pants, much too wide for him.
Lerikao Vocabulary help: to dog: to follow somebody closely, to scour: to damage badly, wrist: the joint between the arm and the hand, to stumble: to hit your foot against something while you are walking or running and almost fall, to part: to leave someone, to slit: to cut, to smother: to kill somebody by covering their face so that they cannot breathe, to elapse: to pass by
REVIEWS: The theme of the story was excellent, so as the structure, characters, adjectives and end. The originality on the work! This story is great, but I would change the end of the story because I do not like happy endings in the horror stories. The story is really scary. Atmosphere is very tense from the beginning and it intrigued me to continue reading. Your final twist is half-done, that is the only thing I would change. The story is really scary from beginning to the end. I would change the end â€“ in this way we donâ€™t know what will happen, only that something bad will happen. The story makes me laugh because she and her friends were afraid of clowns and I like the unexpected end. But, I feel the story is a bit messy and there are no links in it. The story is too scary from the beginning to the end. Events are very tense and scary, too. At the end we understood the whole truth, her boyfriend was the killer. The story isn't finished but we know that something horrible might happen. I would change the end and prepare a nice dinner to them and girl would live for many years. An interesting story, I would change the ending because I donâ€™t know how the story will end. 13
Very nice and interesting story to read. I liked the whole action but I think it would be a great story if it was just a bit more tense. In my opinion the story is pretty good. It is tense enough, characters are described perfectly. I like this story a lot. I wouldnâ€™t change much, except the end of the story. For me this is an excellent story. I am glad that this story has a happy ending. I wonder if Jake is a killer dressed as a clown. An interesting story, I would change the ending only because to me a horror story ends with a scary scene. The best story definitely. I really enjoyed it. It has such a good ending. I would like to read many more stories like this; it is terrifying and tense but when I found out at the end that it was just a joke it was a relief. I really liked it. For me, itâ€™s a bit wrong to write a scary story with a happy ending. But thatâ€™s just my opinion. I would change the ending to be a bit scarier, but interesting story with a lot of effort put in it.
Xavier Kubler, Achille Beysang
Crime story It was nearly 11:30 pm when Katy took her car and started to drive along the dark road which separated her house from her workplace. She worked in a small restaurant on the edge of* bankruptcy. She held various odd jobs*, from seller in a souvenirs shop to housekeeper, fighting to pay back the loan of the house she just bought with her boyfriend. The way to her house was not very long, but every night, it left her the time to think about the life she could have had, if only she had worked at school. She thought of everything she could have had, a well-paid job, money, and the feeling that she managed her life. Nevertheless, she was in love. Yes, she was in love. Chris was everything to her. Although he was unemployed, they always fought off adversity together, united during good and difficult moments. Love, probably the best thing that had ever happened in her life. The road she was driving on wasn’t very used, she took then the liberty of driving quite fast, something that she wasn’t used to do. Probably the haste of seeing her boyfriend? Big trees adorned the winding* road. Katy was suddenly taken by panic, in a fraction of a second, and a sudden movement of steering wheel*, she saw her life pass before her eyes. Actually, it’s exactly at this very moment that her life stopped... At last, it was the case before the emergency’s arrival. She was now surrounded by four white walls, as cold and monotonous as possible. She managed to open her eyes. She knew so that she wasn’t alone. She saw his face, his beautiful face that had the gift to reassure her. Chris was sitting next to her bed, in this hospital room she was occupying. According to the emergency doctor, she had been lucky. Chris was crying. “Don’t cry honey, I’m still alive “. That didn’t change anything, he was crying all the same. Katy, tired, closed her eyes and tried to sleep. She knew that her life was hanging by a thread* and that she was living thanks to the machines of the hospital. Suddenly, she met with difficulties breathing. She tried to cry, but she couldn’t. Maybe the grim reaper* was coming back to get back her? She would have liked to tell Chris she loved him but it was too late, she died of suffocation. -Two days later… *Knock knock knock* “– -
is are I
for? Watson? am. 15
- Good, I am Greg, officer in charge of an investigation. You are under arrest for the murder of the woman by the name of Katy Watson. You have the right to remain silent. If you do say anything, what you say can be used against you in a law court. You have the right to consult with a lawyer and have that lawyer present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be appointed for you if you so desire. If you choose to talk to the police officer, you have the right to stop the interview at any time. Follow me.” After having handcuffed* Chris, the officer took him directly to his cell in jail. “What the hell is it?! “ Chris exclaimed. “I’m going to explain you, as if you didn’t know…. Last Friday, you were quietly sitting in front of the television waiting for the drawing of the lottery. You checked the ticket your girlfriend had bought, and you had the huge surprise to see that she had won the jackpot. Unfortunately, for you, you weren’t married, you knew so that you wouldn’t get anything. Although she loved you more than anything, you were persuaded that she wouldn’t stay with you if she became rich; you thought she would prefer to meet someone else, than stay with a good-for-nothing because that’s what you would have done. So, you immediately took your car and you went to the car park of the restaurant where she worked in, and tampered with* her brakes*. Clever, but too bad for you, she did not die in the accident. You had some oil on your hands after ‘working’ on her car. Exactly the same oil that we found on the pillow* of her room, if you see what I mean. Nothing to add. Take him away. »
Vocabulary help: on the edge of: (something) about to happen, odd jobs: small jobs of various types, usually not very-well-paid, winding: having curving shapes, steering wheel :the wheel that the driver turns to control the direction that a vehicle goes in, to hang by a thread: tenir à un fil, reaper: Death, to handcuff: to put a pair of metal rings joined by a chain, used when you arrest someone, to tamper with: to do something to an object, generally with a bad intention, brakes: a device used to slow/stop a vehicle, pillow: piece of soft cloth filled with soft material, used to rest your head on in bed
REVIEWS: It was a great story, without many mistakes in vocabulary or the tenses. This story is very good, it has many twists and turns and deep vocabulary. Maybe there should be some descriptions of characters’ feelings. It is a really sad story, but a good one. It is also instructive because it teaches us how people are willing to do anything for money. The end is very unexpected. I would only expand action a little bit. It is a good and interesting story. I like the theme. End is very unexpected, but that's why it is interesting. You do not have to change anything. I like how the contrast is shown here. A woman who doesn’t need money - just love, and a man who murdered for money. It’s a good story. I like the theme and course of action. End is very good and unexpected but also very interesting. You don’t have to change anything. Good story but needs more descriptions. Very good story, but I think it needs a bit more action and twists. Just to add that it is a great and interesting story to read. Story is not so perfect but it is written in a great way and the arrest speech perfectly fits to this story. The story is very well designed, but there is little sense of the description or crime words and that's what makes the story less interesting. It is a very good story. I am sorry that Katy loved Chris, who did not deserve her love. I would like that she knew that he was the killer. Good story, but needs more descriptions of feelings. This story was also terrific. It had that part which police always say – anything you say can and will be used against you ... And I consider it kind of cool and it surprises me that it had not been told earlier. However, this story was great and I am glad that I read it. Many twists and turns and deep vocabulary. Story is great. Good story but needs more descriptions.
Lucy It's a little American girl, Lucy Black, who lived with her family in a quite big house in California. Lucy was an only child, because her mother couldn't have another one. She was twelve years old. One day, like every time actually, Lucy's mother, Elena, put Lucy to bed. Elena, read a small book to her daughter. The little girl fell asleep like every night. Her mother went down the stairs, (Lucy's bedroom was downstairs). Elena got back close to her husband, who was watching the TV. They were watching “Titanic” and they were absorbed by the movie. They were together, quiet, calm. Obviously, they were in love! This night was particularly rough, the weather was foggy and stormy. Suddenly, they heard Lucy, she was screaming. So, Lucy's parents went to her bedroom, they opened the door of the room, and ... Lucy was contorting herself in her bed, the quilt, the pillow, everything was on the floor, her teeth were chattering, she was all white in the face, she had deep rings around her eyes. Her lips were purple and chapped*. She was drooling*. She was bleeding from her nose. It was horrible, the two parents were terrified. They didn’t know what to do! Lucy looked like a monster, a ghost. Elena and her husband didn't know what to do. So, they locked Lucy in her bedroom, during the night, alone, with nobody. She was in such a state that she could have killed somebody or even herself! It was total panic! All of a sudden, Lucy shouted with a mixture of voices, something that was really strange, incomprehensible: “llevo une dress mit viele colours !llevo une dress mi viele colours! Llevo une dress mit viele colors!”
In the morning, Lucy's parents were in front of the door of Lucy's bedroom. They listened with attention to the slightest noise. But, nothing, they heard nothing, so, the father decided to come to the room. He opened the door, really slowly. First, he only put his head round the door. He looked, in the whole room. He saw nobody. There were just the curtains 18
were that were flying, because, the windows were open. It was so cold in this room that condensation was coming out of the father's mouth when he was breathing. Elena came in the room too. Suddenly, Lucy appeared like a ghost. Elena looked her husband and cried "Well, Lucy is possessed by a devil or a ghost, that's sure! Look at her! It's not Lucy! We must call a ghost hunter! We haven’t got any choice, look at her! “. During the next hour, the ghost hunter came and stayed at the Black’s home with a lot of sticks. It was strange! He reached the room. He had a real shock! He returned and said to the parents “oh my god, there is a ghost, actually, no, there are two ghosts, but, I need to see Lucy to learn more about this situation!” The hunter was very pale. Only his blue eyes were standing out*. So, the hunter came in Lucy’s bedroom. She was sleeping. Her face was really ruined. He put his aged hands on Lucy’s body. She continued, like the previous evening: “llevo une dress mit viele colors !llevo une dress mit viele colors! Llevo une dress mit viele colors!” It was a mixture of voices, and a kind of something that we couldn’t understand, because it was a mixture of languages. After some minutes, he looked at the parents and announced: ”Your daughter has been possessed! There are two ghosts in her body! However their stories are on the one hand amazing and on the other hand really strange. Actually, it’s a woman and her husband, that's the reason why your daughter speaks with two distinct voices. Two years ago, this man and this woman were watching “Titanic” on their sofa and a storm broke. I know that it’s completely crazy! But, it’s not finished. The woman was wearing a really colorful dress. The ceiling had fallen on their heads, and they died. I think, you love “Titanic” too? And that’s maybe because, this couple is jealous of you that's why they possessed your daughter! Can you understand?” The mother said: ”Yes, I see, it’s exact, my husband and I love this movie but what can you do to exorcize Lucy? “, the hunter answered: ”No, I’m sorry… I can’t do anything … Your daughter will … die …” Elena said: ”OOOh my god!!!!!!! My daughter! My baby, it’s impossible, she’s innocent, my poor baby, my poor honey … “She was crying. She couldn’t imagine the fate of her daughter. Lucy’s parents looked at Lucy. She got a big knife from the kitchen. Her parents looked at her with a nasty look, and big, terrified, horrified eyes. She lifted her arms with the knife in her hands, and she bent it in the direction of her stomach. She was getting ready to push the knife in her body. Elena took this knife and … she pushed the knife in herself! A majestic gush* of bright red blood ejected from her body! She couldn’t endure the death of Lucy. Elena died instantly. She was lying, face down, on the floor. There was blood; we could even see the flesh of her stomach, it was 19
disgusting! Lucy's father was so shocked when he saw his wife that he went out with Lucy. They went really far from his house. Two days after, a policemen and a forensic scientist came in Black's home to investigate about Elena. They couldn't understand what happed, they couldn't find some clues, there wasn't any witness, any fingers prints, nothing, just Elena's corpse.
Suddenly, Katherine said to her daughter "Marie, stop immediately this TV, this film is not for your age!!!"
Vocabulary help: chapped: rough, dry and sore, especially because of wind and cold weather , to drool: to let saliva come out of your mouth, to stand out: a person/thing that is very noticeable because it is better/more impressive, ..than others, gush: a large amount of liquid suddenly flowing out of something REVIEWS: The story was very original and greatly written. The stories about ghosts, paranormal things and obsessed people are my type of stories. Otherwise, the end where Katherine yelled at her daughter was unnecessary in my opinion. It is a very good story. It has good descriptions of emotions and feelings of the characters. Maybe it should have more twists and turns but it is very good just like this. It is kind of a horror story because it is a little disturbing. There are some impossible parts of stories, but on the other hand it means that you have vivid imagination. You also have a rich vocabulary. Very interesting and original, but I think that there are too many scary words. At the beginning I thought that the writer copied the story from a horror movie (The last exorcism) but when I read the end, I laughed. Great story! Story is more like a horror. Itâ€™s good but maybe a little bit brutal. Also, some parts of story arenâ€™t possible. Itâ€™s good idea and story is good too, but I would maybe change some parts like ghosts and something like that. I think that this story is great. You have all elements and your crime words are good. I was really surprised that it was a movie. Story was great with lots of interesting parts and I also liked the end of the story because it was keeping me in suspense till the very end.
Story is not bad but personally, it reminds me of something supernatural which is not my favourite type of story. This story is great, but it lacks the description of feelings and what surprised me was the end of it. A good story. It is very intense and a bit scary. I like the end most. This is an interesting story, never could have predicted the end. Really good description of characters. The most interesting thing in this story is that it turned out it was just a movie. It was terrifying to imagine some parts but that is what makes it interesting for reading. Your story has a lot of crime words and that's great. I don't like scary stories without lots of crime words. This is an interesting story. I could not predict the end. It has really good descriptions of characters.
Camille Babe, Alizée Burger
The liar Once upon a time, on a beautiful Christmas Eve. It was snowing and it was dark. Just a floor lamp was dimly lighting the small street. I was alone in this dismal* alley. I was wearing my work uniform, it was red and white and I had to wear a beard and a hood. As you may have guessed it: I am a Santa Claus! I had just finished my work time and I was heading to the mall to get changed. Before I reached it, a tragic event happened. I was near the shop but I felt a presence behind me. When I turned round, I saw nothing just the pale light of the lamp and all the flakes falling from the sky. So I walked away faster. I was stressed. I felt so threatened. I saw a shadow on the pavement. I turned round. I could hear footsteps. I stepped back and I hit somebody. I found myself face to face with my assassin. The last thing I saw, was the shining blade in the light of the lamp. After he had committed the murder, the assassin left the place but what he had not expected was that there would be a witness. That night, the inspector John Connelly was on duty at the police station. He was drinking his coffee when suddenly, the phone rang. “Inspector John Connelly on the phone. What can I do for you? I need help! I just discovered a corpse! Calm down, please. Did you call the emergency? I took his pulse and I’m sure, he’s definitely dead. Right. Where are you? 93 Feet East, Brick Lane, I’m coming immediately with my team. Hurry up please!! “ When the inspector arrived at the crime scene, the investigation began. He took out his notebook and he asked the witness. “Hello, I’m inspector Connelly. So what’s your name? David Brown, the witness said trembling. How did you discover the dead body? And when exactly? I was walking quietly until I heard noises from the street, when I saw the corpse, I panicked, it was horrible. It was about 11.45 p.m. maybe a little more… 22
Did you see the murderer? Yes I saw him. Can you describe him? Yes, he was tall, slim, and a little bit strong! He had got short blond hair, jeans, a green raincoat like fisherman, and I don't remember the rest … sorry! - Well, if you saw him, could you recognize him? - Hum, yes I think so... - Don't worry! I'll solve this case! - Thank you very much for your attention. - This is normal; if you need help I'm here. With the description, John found 4 suspects who were in the neighborhood. The next day, he confronted David and the suspects and the witness hesitated between 2 suspects. He said that in the darkness, he couldn’t see the features of the faces but, he was completely sure that the killer was one of the 2 men. Then, John Connelly questioned one. His name was Bob Figgers, he was nervous, he didn’t seem to be sure of himself. In his attitude, he looked as if he had something to blame. The inspector went to the interrogation room. “Well, Bob what did you last night? -I left my wife to go fishing, he said with a timid voice, - Fishing? Funny idea. Why did you go fish at night? -Because it’s calmer than during day time … - Can anybody prove that you’ve been fishing? - hum... My wife was here when I left home but nobody was on the port, he answered while playing with his hand -Okay, and what were you wearing to fish? -I was wearing jeans, a green raincoat, blue boots and a red cap. - Right. And do you know him? Connelly inquired and showing the picture of the corpse, -Her… no… sorry -Well, we’ll stop the interrogation for now” He left the room and a colleague came to have his impression. John just said : ‘’ I don’t know. He seems to be OK but something in his attitude is wrong. His alibi is weak too. Fishing at night and nobody to see him. And he was wearing a raincoat. Strange activities, aren’t they?” the assistant nodded and told Connelly that they had identified the deceased: he was called Chuck Cooper, he was 55 and I lived with his wife, Blair Cooper. John jotted* down this information. After a coffee, he questioned the second suspect: Peter Hawks. His profile: violent, a rather well full criminal record, always needed money, alcoholic, homeless. Could be a potential murderer because of the many motives.John entered the room. Peter was sprawling on the chair. He seemed to be relaxed and aggressive at the same time. “So Peter, where were you yesterday night? -As usual, I was looking for a place to sleep. You know why? Because I’m homeless. You don’t 23
know what is it to sleep outside, to have no home. -So nobody could prove that, uh? -Nobody, the suspect answered curtly. -Well…. Weak alibi. And do you know this man? - I don’t know! And I don’t care! - You know why you’re here? Because this man was killed, you’re a suspect. You correspond the profile of the murderer. I think you had better answer my questions. Ok? So let me repeat my question: Have you ever seen this guy? - No. -Ok, we ‘re done.” The assistant came to know the point of view of the inspector. John had mixed feelings, even though Peter was very aggressive, he couldn’t say if Peter did the crime. John needed clues to charge someone with murder. It’s what he did during the 3 following weeks. He asked, searched, learnt a lot of interesting things and after a long time of investigation, he finally discovered the truth. It had been 23 days 23 that the dead body had been found. The witness, David Brown, and the two suspects, Peter and Bob, were called to the police station. In the room, the four persons were tense. When John entered, the three pairs of eyes steered on him. He sat down in front of them. After a long silence, Bob, nervously, asked why they had been called. The inspector just replied: “I know”. The three men remained silent, they looked surprised and fearful. John continued: “I know who the killer is. He’s among you. And I’m going to explain how I got the truth. First, my intuition said to me that I had to begin with Bob. Bob who has a very strange alibi and no witness. Except his wife. She certified that at 11.30 p.m. he had left home. That gave to Bob 15minutes to find the victim, Chuck Cooper. You could have been the killer BUT, by chance, a man who works at night on a boat in the port, saw a man matching to your description. So you aren’t the assassin. So, logically, Peter had to be the murderer! I investigated your case, Peter. The typical profile of a desperate killer: needed money, homeless, violent, alcoholic… Lots of motives. Weak alibi. But this night, you drank a lot, so much that you do not remember that you were involved in fight and you spent one night at the police station. Therefore, you’re innocent. But WHO can the killer be if the two suspects that we have are irremediably innocent? I asked Blair Cooper, the wife of the victim, she said that he had no enemy, he was appreciated. He was a man without problem, an honest chap. She added that he might have enemy from his job because Chuck never said anything about that. Chuck’s employer noticed no problem with him. I was stuck. No suspect. So I gave my card to the employer and I left. But I was determined to know the truth. I searched in the past of Chuck: nothing. I searched in his house: nothing. I searched in his police record: nothing. I searched a new track but in vain. When, suddenly, the employer called me. He told me that he had missed something. 24
When he was searching for someone for the job, many people had come for it but nobody seemed to suit for the job. One day, he received a candidate. After the interview, the employer said that he wouldn’t get the job, he wasn’t corresponding the standards. The candidate got furious, He shouted, screamed! He wanted this job! He said, I quote from the employer, “I would kill to have it!”. And this person, the mad person, is you.. David Brown. “ David ran to the door, wanted to open it but it was locked. He was trapped*. “You lost your work, but you have to feed your family, Connelly continued, You didn’t find a job, you became crazy. So crazy that you could kill for a miserable job such as this one. It’s what you did, David and I’m arresting you for murder of Chuck Cooper.”
Vocabulary: dismal: causing sadness, to jot down: to take notes quickly , trapped: when you can’t escape
REVIEWS: The dialogs and adjectives were excellent. The entire story was the golden chest of originality. This story is very good and it has the end I never expected. Well, it could have more emotions and descriptions of feelings, but that is the only thing I would change. Long and amusing story. You have a rich vocabulary and I think you are talented for writing because of vivid imagination. Story contains all the necessary elements. I wouldn’t change anything. I like this story. You elaborated all parts and every part is great. The end is unexpected and that's why it is so original. I do not want to change anything. I like the idea to set the stories theme at Christmas time and that Santa was killed. I like this story. You developed all parts of the story and they are interesting. The end is very unexpected and it’s very good. I don’t want to change anything. I liked this story very much but I expected more descriptions of people.
This story was great as well. I liked the idea of story, but it just needs to be a bit more detailed in descriptions of feelings and characters. The point of the crime story is shown in a really good way. The writer made absolutely intriguing characters which fit perfectly in the story. But, I think it is too predictable, it does not have an unexpected ending. I like this story and from the beginning I couldn't guess the end. I wouldn't change anything. This is a very interesting story. The end is very unexpected. But I think that the reason for murder of Chuck Cooper is not good enough. I liked this story very much but I expected more descriptions of people. It was also interesting story with lots of descriptions. David was wrong when he committed a murder but that is obvious. He did not think about the final result. He should get some psychiatric help for his over reacting before it got too late. At the end I would say that I am glad I read this story Story has an unexpected end. Great!
Very nice story, I like it a lot. You put a lot of effort in it. Nice, but maybe you should include more descriptions.
Russian business One night in a totally lost forest in West Virginia, the full moon was shining down over the big trees on huge and creepy shades; the roots, unearthed, were interlaced like tentacles. Silence was reigning, nothing was moving. Suddenly the silence was disturbed. A woman appeared. She was running as fast as she could, she knew he was still chasing her so she kept running, dodging* branches and roots. She didn't know for how long she had been running, 10 minutes maybe 1 hour or even more. She felt certain that if she stopped, she would die. The more she ran the more she got tired, her breath was getting heavier and louder, each breath became a real torture, moreover she was freezing to death. She could still feel his presence as if he was right behind her but she was so frightened that she didn't attempt to look back. Suddenly, she was so exhausted that she stumbled* on a root, she tried to get back on her feet but something pulled her back, something on her shoulder. She slowly turned her head round. It was a hand, his hand! A hoarse* voice whispered "I gotcha". She screamed. The following week... "What do we have?" Inspector Steven R. Patrick, asked. "We have the corpse of a young Russian woman: Ms. Inna Y. Abramova, 21 according to her ID card. She was shot dead, one bullet between the two eyes with a 22 millimeters gun with a suppressor, there is no serial number on the bullet, we're dealing with a professional killer. We haven't found any clues yet, no DNA, no finger-prints and no powder, he has cleaned everything, but we keep searching. According to her clothes she must a defenseless hooker*. The forensic scientist told me that she was killed one week ago considering the rigor mortis and she had been running at least two miles before stumbling on a root according to the ecchymosis," the policeman answered. "A dissatisfied customer may have killed her," the inspector suggested. "Yes, possible. Some of our patrolmen are looking for her last costumer or any witness who saw her last" the other said. "I will check where she lived... at 1793 Hall Valley Drive, Stonewood, West Virginia," the inspector declared, checking the ID.
After having summoned* a witness to a hearing*, Steven had questioned the last costumer seen with Inna, an old and rich man but his lawyer had exonerated him, he had an alibi, the old man would never had enough strength to chase the prostitute on two miles. Thus Inspector Patrick was stuck, the investigation didn't progress. But one day an idea arose: he realized that he hadn't searched whether she had a procurer*, moreover she was Russian and the Russian mafia had an active part in procuring. Indeed, he investigated about Russian mafia and discovered by infiltrating the mafia network that Inna Y. Abramova had been taken from her family in Russia when she was 17 and had been forced to prostitute herself. If she had refused, the mafia would have killed her whole family. But one week before her death she had found out* that her family had been killed anyway because they had stopped paying the mafia, therefore she had rebelled against them and tried to escape. She never managed to... Steven Patrick decided to stop the mafia and managed to imprison many of its members, but as the saying goes "if you meddle, you'll get your fingers burnt", the godfather without mercy hired* professional killers and assassinated his entire family and stuck their head on several posts* in front of his house. Desperate, crazy and revengeful Steven went on a killing-spree, killing every Russian he saw. Steven R. Patrick was arrested by the NSA and sentenced to death by the electric chair. NikolaĂŻ Glukovski came to his execution, he was surrounded by his guards and he hoped that Steven R. Patrick saw him laugh just before he died because he was the only godfather of the Russian mafia and would remain so for a long time. Bob the sponge. Vocabulary help: to dodge: to move quickly to one side to avoid something, hoarse: sounding rough and unpleasant, to stumble: to hit your foot against something while you are walking or running and almost fall, hooker: prostitute, to summon: to order someone to appear in court, hearing: official meeting at which the facts about a crime are presented to the person who will have to decide what action to take, procurer: the man for whom prostitutes work, to find out = to discover, to hire : to give a job, post: piece of wood/metal set vertically in the ground
REVIEWS: Itâ€™s stereotypical to judge someone by his/hers clothes as the policeman judged the woman and said that according to her clothes she must be a defenceless hooker. Otherwise, the structure and the end of the story were very good.
This story is good with many crime words. Maybe I would change the end of the story because I expected that the end would be like yours – it wasn’t unexpected. It is a good story, very shocking because the girl had been taken from her family and forced to prostitute herself. It also talks about major problems in the world. Story contains all the elements. I wouldn’t change anything. You showed the Russian mafia and I like that. The beginning is very good. Maybe you should work on atmosphere, to make it a little bit more tense. Everything else is good. The story says: Do not interfere with the mafia! and The justice is not always right! It is a good point of the story. I like the story just because you describe how Russian mafia works, their rules and traditions. Furthermore, the beginning is very good. I like how you describe what happened and then after a while how the police work on crime... Maybe you should work on atmosphere, it is not enough tense, the rest is fine. Nice story. It has an expected end, which I liked a lot. Story is very good, but I think it needs a bit more twists and turns so it does not lead to the end as it was expected. First of all, crime story should not have any name from cartoon (like Patrick etc). It destroys the point and sense of the story. Story is very well-written, vocabulary is rich and nice but the main character should not die. Story is good, but isn't too much tense. Thing that I liked is the fact that the story has a lot of crime words so we can improve our vocabulary. It is a good story. I am surprised with the end of the story. I think that NSA should not have sentenced Steven to death by the electric chair because he was crazy. It has an expected end to me but besides that, the story is good. Story is good. It has many details and it is not boring. Again, I am sorry for those victims who died even if they were innocent. Also, Steven did not deserve his destiny just for helping someone and wanting to satisfy the justice. However, story was original and it was worth reading. I really like it because you used a lot of crime words. Predictable end but besides that, the story is good.
Edouard Mertz, Lucas Tasinato Thomas, Sandmann
Hollande’s adventures Françis Hollande was a gentleman, wealthy, elegant and quite generous. He was theCEO of an awesome industry which is other than HOLLANDE CORPORATION. It was at the time the biggest and the greatest carpet trader. Francis’s best friend was Gerard Twoforgod, but he said to him that he wanted to escape to Moscow. Such news really annoyed Francis because Gerard was the principal shareholder* of the corporation; he put many billions of dollars in it. One week after, the stocks* of business of the corporation also quickly decreased* up to the bankrupt of the HOLLANDE CORPORATION.One evening as he was walking in the street, it was a foggy and overcast, the atmosphere was also quite nerveracking. But Francis was so desperate, that he didn’t mind if was killed. He just went to a seedy bar. Also he started to drink some vodka to forget all his problems. While he was drinking he spoke to her bar’s neighbor about his corporation. He declared as he was completely drunk: ”I’m totally fed up about him!! I lost all my corporation just because of him!! I just want to kill him!! Stupid and chubby shareholder!! He’s just a big shithead and a shitass!” As nobody was listening to him, a drunken man also came in the pub. He sat next to Francis and said: “What are you doing here?” “I try to forgot this Fuc**** guy who makes me so hopeless! Francis answered, “and you?” “Yeah ! I’m here because I also got a problem with a guy with whom my wife cheated on* me and ran away with him but I don’t know where.” The man retorted. “Moreover I don’t know who he is I just want to ki….” The two men fell asleep. In the morning at 7 p.m. Francis woke up with a hangover* in a street not so far away from the pub, with a bit of blood on his right hand. He walked alone and desperate in the town and found a newspaper dispenser. He decided to buy one; it was the New York Time. On the headline he read that there had been a murder just behind the pub where he was in a dark street. He continued to read the article and discovered that the 30
victim was no other than Gerard and it was written that he had come back here after a week in Moscow to meet his former colleague because of the fact that the victim had caused the bankrupt of their corporation. The principal suspect was also Francis Hollande, the CEO, despite the fact that they hadn’t any clues for the moment except that he could be angry against him. Francis decided to go to the crime scene to see what happened. He had just arrived when the policeman caught him and took him to a secret room to ask him some questions about the murder. “Okay Francis, started the policeman, first why have you got some blood in your right hand? A murder maybe?” “No! What did you expect?”, Francis retorted. “So what is it!” the policeman exclaimed. “I don’t know what it is! Maybe I fell or something like that… I don’t remember!” Hollande answered “Yeah, all right, why not” the policeman whispered “Well, I’ll get a sample after to find some DNA, so I’ve got other questions for you… Where wa…” He hadn’t finished his sentence when another policeman entered the room: “ Inspector! Inspector! We’ve found a knife in the private room of the pub we have caught the barman come please!” the policeman shouted. The Inspector came and asked the barman why there was a knife with blood on it in the room. This one said that he was a butcher on the afternoon and a barman at night. Of course everybody, the inspector and policemen burst out laughing. But at the moment when the inspector turned round in direction of the pub, he suddenly received a ball in his head, a man ran in direction of the next street: “I killed him! I killed him! Hahaha” he declared. “ Oh my god! It’s Dominic San Kric! Yes it’s him! It’s DSK, the enemy n°1!” a policeman shouted. <<Indeed it was DSK the man who had talked to me the day before in the pub, he ad killed Gerard Twoforgod because of the fact that he was his wife had left him …>> <<Thanks Francis for your report! So the programme is finished I wish you a nice day. It was Henry Goland for the BBC bye!!>>
Vocabulary help: shareholder: someone who ones shares in a company, stock: the value of the share in a company, to decrease: to get lower, to cheat on so: someone who is married and has a regular sexual partner, hangover: the headache and sick feeling you have the day after drinking too much alcohol
Allusion to politics in France: François Hollande = current French president DSK: Dominique Strauss Kahn: French economist whose ‘sexual’ life has been very much talked about in the newspapers last year, especially what happened in New-York. Gerard Depardieu (literal translation : deux = two, par = by, dieu = god) French actor who decided to ask for another citizenship first in Belgium, then in Russia because he didn’t want to pay the very high taxes asked by the government anymore.
REVIEWS: There were some insults and impolite words in the text, which I like as long as they were censured. Otherwise, I found very brave to put similarities of politicians and the characters in the text and I approved it totally. Well, I think this story is very good because I did not except that ending, and the author lead us to wrong expectations. I think it is a great idea because of use of allusions to politics in France, so, it makes story interesting. You should expand actions a little bit. It is interesting, but the story lacks some purposes. It will be better to have a few more unexpected turns and more originality, but it is ok. This story is great because it is unpredictable and funny in some parts. The story told us that things are not always as they seem at first sight. It’s not a bad story but I read some better. Your action isn’t worked out well, but the end is totally unexpected so it makes your story a little bit better. I personally find this story very interesting and would like to see a book with this theme. This story was fantastic with no doubt. I do not have anything else to say but: great story, well written and original. If you ask me, the story would be much better without „comic” end. I suppose it should be much more tragic than laughing and throwing ball at the inspector. The story is good and has a great end. A great story. Very interesting and original. The end is unexpected. For me story very interesting and maybe it could be developed into a longer novel. Story was tense enough. It was obvious at the beginning that that man was going to die but it was unlikely to know who is going to kill him. It is interesting how it coincided that those two guys met at the pub. I liked how all evidence showed that Holland did it and he was almost accused of it when the other guy came and revealed himself eventhough there was no need for that. Till the end I did not know how it’s going to end. Great! I think that story is interesting but I don’t like curses and swear words. But nice story. 33
Femme fatale This is the story of a pretty girl who was living in London with her parents, and her big brother, Travis. The young girl was called Emily. She was long-dark-haired and doe-eyed. The color of her eyes was light blue, sometimes grey when the sun was shining, and lots of boys loved her. At the age of 15, Emily had her first boyfriend, and his name was Tom. He was a good friend of Emily’s brother, and they often played together when they were children. But the boy quickly realized that he didn’t love her. He finally broke up and indulged in his passion which was dance. He was really good and danced during his free time with his friends Devin and Chris. Emily was full of rage but she declared that she had already forgotten him and two days later she had a new boyfriend. Time passed by, and Emily lived a cosy life. One day, while she was buying bred, she saw Tom with a girl walking in the street. Immediately she became jealous. She took her bred and decided to follow them discreetly. She saw their house and knew their address. Emily stayed hidden next to a tree for approximately one hour and she came back home. Currently, she was single and a little sad. She never imagined seeing Tom again… She ate something and went to bed. That night, she couldn’t sleep; there were lots of pictures of Tom in her head. At midnight, she woke up and left her flat. She needed to run to take her mind off things, so she followed the river, crossed the park and arrived in front of Tom’s house. The lights were on and she saw him behind the window. He was reading a book, but suddenly he raised his head and met her gaze. Emily was very surprised. First, she lowered her eyes but then she looked at him again but he wasn’t there anymore. She searched him but she just found his girlfriend who was drawing* the curtains. Angry, Emily returned to her flat, even though she couldn’t sleep. The next day, she went into a clothing store. She wanted to be the world’s prettiest girl to seduce Tom, so she tried lots of garments* and she decided to buy everything she tried. At the cash desk, she heard a voice. Emily turned slowly her head and saw Tom’s girlfriend. Suddenly, she felt like killing her. But she didn’t move. Thirty seconds later, the young man came to join his girlfriend. Then, Emily crossed the shop right on them and she feigned surprise. Tom lost his cheerfulness and looked at her.
“ - Emily? - Tom! Wow, I thought you’d never recognize me! - I’ll let you discuss while I’m looking at clothes. Are you okay, Tom? the girl asked. - Yes, it’s all right, her boyfriend answered. He kissed her and Emily looked away. - So, what are you looking for? he said. - I just want to talk with you! What’s wrong? You look ill-at-ease. Don’t you enjoy seeing me? - No, I don’t. You belong to my past and I don’t want to look back. - But we can be friends, just friends, as before… - Enough! Let me go, Emily.” Tom’s girlfriend (who wasn’t far) listened to the discussion. She felt something was going wrong with this old friend of Tom’s… The lovers bought something and went back to their house. When night fell, Emily decided to go to their home again; she needed to speak with Tom, to be with him. Why had he rejected her? She asked the same question constantly in her mind. It was dark when Emily knocked on the door and it was Jade who opened. “-You?” she said. - Hi. I’m sorry it’s late, but I have to talk to Tom. Can I come in? Emily asked. - Listen: Tom never wants to see you again, neither do I. Is that clear? - Why? I did nothing wrong! - You want to steal my boyfriend! Do you think I haven’t seen anything? Well, I don’t want to hear from you anymore.” said Jade.
Emily was upset. Nobody was allowed to talk to her this way, so she took Jade’s arm and she faced her. But the woman defended herself and she slapped* her rival. Emily recoiled, jumped on Jade to strangle her but Tom’s girlfriend was faster. She took her Swiss army knife from her pocket and stabbed Emily in the belly. The girl collapsed to the ground in a pool of blood. Jade washed carefully her knife to leave no clues when the police would come. She looked at Emily’s corpse and said: “ - I warned you.”
Vocabulary help: to draw curtains = to close curtains, garments = clothes, to slap: to hit someone with the flat part of your hand, to stab: to push a sharp/pointed object into somebody, killing or injuring them
REVIEWS: It was a very good theme of the story – the theme that had a lot to be told about, but the murder happened too quickly which ruined my impression a bit. This story is good, it has enough tension in it, but I don’t like horrors in which a girl kills another girl because of a boyfriend. To me, that is absurd. The story is very interesting. I liked the story because it is a bit mystical and it intrigued me to continue with reading. The end of story shocked me because of Emily’s death, but I wouldn’t change anything because the end like that is needed to complete story in this case. Very imaginative story. Good idea. But, I do not like it because in the end Emily ended up unhappily. I like this story because every girl can put herself in that situation at least once in her life. For me, there is too much jealousy and it is too abnormal. The story is very instructive because it talks about major events nowadays, and everybody is familiar with it. The end is very dark because Emily was killed. Her death is the only thing I would change. In my opinion your story is very good. I am surprised that Emily isn’t killer. The whole story I waited when she will kill Tom or Jade. Maybe you should have finished this story by saying what happened to Jade in the end. The story was very interesting and great to read. I liked the end because it was so unpredictable and original. The story is quite good, characters are very well presented and story simply floats through the mind but I do not prefer these type of crime stories with love affairs. I like this story because it's tense enough but it doesn’t have enough crime words. That's the thing I would change. Story is not bad but I don’t understand why in the end she killed her. She could simply call the police or something. I would even say that she could help her find professional help because she was very jealous and she needed it. I could never expect this kind of ending and it is interesting but it seems like something is missing, maybe a better end. But altogether, it is a good story to read.
I liked this story, in the beginning I expected that Tom would be murdered and it had surprised me when Emily died. Story is good but in my opinion there was no need or reason for murder. It could have been solved in an easier and harmless way . I could never expect this kind of ending and it is interesting but it seems like something is missing, maybe a better end. But altogether, it is a good story to read.
A baby-sitting evening which went wrong Lisa went with her best friend Chloé to Australia during 2 weeks. Her parents offered her this journey for her birthday. They were housed in Sidney in the apartment of one of their friends who had also gone for a trip for some time. When they arrived on site, they visited the apartment, they put down all their baggage, and then Lisa decided to have a shower. She went to the bathroom, and before taking her shower she called her parents to tell them they had arrived. In the bathroom when she was talking with her parents, she heard her friend- who was sitting on the sofa in the living room and who was watching the TV- scream. Two men had entered the apartment. She couldn’t see their face because they were wearing black hoods and black clothing. Frightened and scared, she stopped talking. Her parents asked Lisa why she had stopped talking, and panic-stricken she started to describe the scene to her parents. They said that she had better run to another room and hide in a wardrobe or under a bed as quickly as possible. She listened to her parents, went under a bed and waited silently. During 5 minutes she thought that the 2 men had gone, but all at once she felt somebody pull her legs. She cried, yelled, moved in all directions. But then a man put a hood on her face another, they took her in a car, and drove during a long time. In the car during the trip, she remembered that in many other countries, there were also many other similar abductions* of girls, and at the end, girls were always killed in excruciating pain! And girl’s corpses were always found in a hole between 2 trees in a big, silent and dark forest. Suddenly, she felt the car stop. She heard the 2 men getting out the car, and she thought that she had reached her destination. But after 5 minutes waiting alone in the trunk* of the car, without any light, and without seeing anything, she heard the 2 men return to the car, and the car started again. She was very frightened and anxious. She had no idea where Chloé was, and found something strange, she felt many bottles at her feet in the trunk of the car! She didn’t know what all these bottles were used for, but she knew that they were here! All of a sudden, the car stopped moving; a man opened the door, carried Lisa out of the car, and went somewhere, it was dark. She didn’t really know how long the car had been on the road, but she thought that she had been in the same position during about 2 hours. And now 38
Lisa could just see two lights, one red, and one blue, through her hood. And there was no other noise. When suddenly the light came on, someone took her hood off, and then Lisa saw all her friends and her family in the room, and everybody shouted at the same time: “Happy Birthday”. Everything had been planned: the abduction of Chloé, her own abduction, her parents were aware of everything! She was so surprised; she didn’t know how to react, and what to say!! She couldn’t believe that everyone had played the game to prepare this evening for her birthday, in secret! And then, she spend all the evening with all her family and friends, she danced, laughed, drank the drinks which were in the trunk with her, listened to music, and had fun with everybody! She was relieved and reassured that this story ended well, and surprised that her parents had the idea of preparing a great night like this one! “Little robin” Vocabulary help: abduction: -> to abduct = to kidnap, trunk : part at the back of a vehicle where you can put your luggage or grocery shopping
REVIEWS: The story was not so tense as I expected it would be, but great descriptions of feelings, places, etc. This story is good and it has good character descriptions, but I do not like the end because it is a happy end. I like this story mostly because it is different from other stories because of a happy end; it has a great twist in the end. I wouldn’t change anything. Story is very tense, which is good. I think that parents exaggerated with that surprise, but at the end everything finished well. I would not change anything. I couldn’t imagine that somebody would make me such a birthday surprise. When she was in the car I did not want to be in her skin. Story is very tense and there are unexpected twists. The end is very happy but there was no indication of that. I think that parents went a bit too far, but in the end everything was OK. I wouldn't change anything; the story is good as it is. I liked the story even though this story has a happy end.
I liked the story, but I was just surprised with the ending. I did not expect a happy ending of this story, but every crime story does not have to have bad ending, it also can have a happy one. In my opinion the story is not too tense, but it is very well-written. By that I mean it is interesting and it floats through mind, our imagination starts working. Well-done. Thestory is very well conceived. The only thing I would change is that along with Lisa Chloe should be kidnapped, too. This is not a bad story. I am glad it had a happy ending. I think Lisa's birthday surprise party was not worthy of her fear. I liked the story even though I don’t find happy endings a good way to end a crime or horror story. It was interesting story. I would probably have a nervous breakdown if somebody did that to me. I again liked the good ending of the story and how original and cool her parents are. Still, I think that they are like that only in stories. Good characters’ descriptions. I only don’t like the end because it’s a happy ending. Very funny and story but crime didn’t happen.
Crime Story Chapter 1 I got up that morning at 7.00. I took a generous breakfast with my little radio on, so generous that I didn’t see time passing by. I was already late when I arrived at the police station. We had received a call from a man who was worried about the disappearance of his future wife. - Hey John! One more woman who wants to flee the doubt of the wedding or may be she realized that her future husband is more in love with football than with her! I am joking… - Yes, perhaps, but we have to reassure this poor man… My name is James Conors. I’m a 35-year old detective. I live in a small flat in Chicago, -the city of criminals-! with my girlfriend Jenny and our goldfish Spooky . There was a time I was a journalist for the most famous newspaper of the state. I resigned* to be hired* in the police, I know now that I was born to investigate. I’ve been working with John my partner for 5 years now. I used to spend my childhood in a small quiet village in New Jersey. So I can say that at the beginning I was nearly homesick. Then I met Jenny… Vocabulary help: to resign: to officially tell that you are leaving your kob, to hire:to give a job Chapter2 At around 7.30 p.m. I got a call from the superintendent, Mr Weedman, a small man, with a big round tummy, in fact, everything was round in this man! He told me that the young woman of this morning had been found locked in her car. Unfortunately she didn’t flee the prospect of marriage: she was found, at the bottom of the lake, dead. As usual when a crime happens, the area is closed. A blond, tall woman was lying on the pavement. The forensic was there, examining the victim. - Kate Parker, 26, she works or I should say “she worked” in the pub over there : “The Palm Beach” . She was seen for the last time yesterday night at 1.30 a.m, getting out of her work place. She was found by a fisherman early in the morning… - Was she the only victim? - Yes, she was alone in her car - And the fisherman? 41
He was just coming back from his fishing, the old man is used to fishing on the lake. According to me, she died between two a.m. and five a.m. Okay thanks, Garry. I’m going to ask the fisherman…
The old man was quietly smoking his pipe,watching the moonlight reflected, on the water. I went towards him. - Nice weather, isn’t it? - Yes, we don’t see such a beautiful moon very often. Good evening, I’m inspector Conors; I’m in charge of the investigation about… - Yes, I know and I guess you want to question me about it. I was fishing on the lake, as usual, I was coming back home and impatient to see what my wife had cooked, when the hull* of my boat bumped into something. I leaned over the boat, to see what it was. And then a car and an arm appeared to me. I immediately called the police… - Okay, thank you very much. I give you my card, if you remember something let me know. Vocabulary help: prospect: the possibility that something will happen, hull: bottom part of a ship Chapter3 -
Hello Mr Scott. We found your bride. I think you should sit down. I’m sorry to announce that she’s not alive anymore, she’s dead. No! Not my Kate…it’s impossible! She’s all for me! We are going to get married! I’m deeply sorry! But I have to ask you a few questions. – Oh! No, I can’t! I’m so shocked! I can’t believe it! You must be wrong! I have to question you! I’m sorry! Where were you this morning between one a.m. and five a.m.? I was at home waiting for my wife! Ok! What time does she usually comeback home? Well, she finishes at one thirty and she’s back at about two. Weren’t you worried of not seeing her? No, because I fell asleep. Ok. Did you have a quarrel* with her? Yes, but nothing important, it was just a stupid dispute about the marriage, we didn’t agree about some of her friends I don’t like and whom she wants to invite to our wedding Ok, that’s all right for now! thank you! I’m really sorry for your loss*. I’ll be back tomorrow.
Vocabulary help : bride = future wife, quarrel: dispute/argument, loss: the state of no longer having sth/death of a person
Chapter 4 I went home, I was very tired and I was a little bit shocked too! Five minutes later the phone rang it was Garry the forensic! -Hello Mr.Connors! I have some news about the victim. -Ok, I am listening to you. -She was for sure alive when the car fell into the lake. Her lungs are full of water! And there’s no bruises* or anything of that sort. -Ok! so, she may have committed a suicide! The next morning I went back to the crime area. I noticed there were no braking marks*. So,she might have killed herself voluntary. -Hey Bill! Jim my assistant intervened. It’s a new car! She bought it three days ago. -Hum! Interesting … Is it possible for someone to buy a new car just before committing a suicide? The car is the last model of Porsche. Such a nice machine! Ruined! It would be very stupid to crash voluntarily with such an expensive car! -Ok, it’s not very logical! Hum… she was supposed to get married in a few days, she was happy, and eager to do it. -So, I think we can rule out* the possibility of suicide. If it’s neither an accident nor a suicide… It’s a murder!!! But who wanted to kill her? That‘s what I have to find out. Vocabulary help : bruises : a blue mark that appears on the skin after someone has been hit, braking marks : marks left when a car stops suddenly, rule out: eliminate Chapter 5 I went to Kate’s husband. He was very shocked. He couldn’t believe that someone wanted to hurt his wife. - So, I’d like you to tell me more about her last day Brian. - Ok, What can I say, everything was as usual It was an ordinary day. - So, you didn’t notice anything unusual? - No, I didn’t! He took a glass of vodka…Do you want a glass, he asked me? -No, thank you, not during my service. -Let’s continue. What happened this day? -I know that she had a date at the beauty centre at 9.00.We had lunch together with my parents at home. We talked about the wedding again and again… -Ok. And after lunch? -she went shopping before going to work, as for me, I went back to my office to finish some files… She called me at about…5.30 p.m.to tell that she had a surprise for me and then she went to work at 6.00 p.m. I know she was at the pub she called me again at about 10 p.m. to tell me that she loved me… This morning we were supposed to go to the notary… the rest of the story, you already know it… -Ok. I’ll be back tomorrow. I let you have a rest. -Good bye Mr Conors. Thanks.
Chapter 6 Let’s recap. She had a normal day. Beauty centre- lunch- shopping-pub and then… I went to the shopping mall and there I met kate’s future father-in-law. I know him he‘s got the biggest company of chewing-gum of the country. He works with his son. -Hello Mr. Scott. I’m detective Conors, in charge of the investigation of the murder of your son’s fiancée. All my condolences. -Oh...Hello.thank you.Yes it’s very bad I know.But I think my son will find another girl soon… she was not perfect. Actually I’m sure she had some drug problems… My son was completely blinded by love… -Did she use to taking drugs? -Oh…I’m nearly sure about it. -How do you know that? -Hum…I know her that’s all! So, Mr Conors, I’m sorry but I have to go, I’ve got work waiting for me. It was nice to meet you. - Have a good day Mr Scott. Vocabulary help: father-in-law: your husband/wife’s father
Chapter 7 Drug problems ? The autopsy didn’t reveal any traces of it… Maybe Mr Scott is wrong. I’ll call the forensic and I’ll return and have a closer look at the car maybe I can find some new clues. - There are some chewing-gums, from the familial company of course, a pair of gloves, a lighter and cigarettes, a little dog in porcelain which nods, and what can I see here? A button. It seems to be the button of an expensive suit! Pack it please John. So what else? A pocket mirror, probably fallen from her bag. So, everything seems to belong to her except for the button! According to me it can’t be hers, it looks like the button of a man’s suit. -It can be her husband’s one. -Yes, John I know… but I’ve already seen this button somewhere… Chapter 8 - Hello Brian. - Good morning Mr.Conors. Something new in the investigation? - Hum…You’ll have to enlighten* me. I’ve found this button in Kate’s car. I wanted to know if it’s yours or maybe you know who it belongs to… - Can I have a look...Oh it’s a button from the company’s suits. We all have it for official meetings. May be it’s mine. I’ll take a look at my suit… - Is it yours? - No, it isn’t. Everything’s okay, no missing buttons. So, It doesn’t belong to me. - Hum…Are you totally sure? - Yes, I’ve got only one like this. - Brian, I think your fiancée has been killed by a man from your society. - Sorry? It’s impossible! I know everybody! There are no criminals in our company and besides, Kate got on well with everybody!
In fact, your father is the first suspect… I noticed that he had a strange behaviour* when he spoke about Kate and he doesn’t seem to like her a lot! And… a button of his suit was really badly sewn* and different from the others… Are you serious? My father? Why? Just because he didn’t want you to marry her! Indeed, at the beginning he was completely against our relationship, according to him she was not the kind of woman for me, and he used to say that she was not the right person to be the wife of the future leader of the company, that she just wanted to take advantage of my money. But these last weeks he was more understanding and was even very kind with her, it was not a problem any more. Because he knew that you would never marry her. I learned that He was supposed to order the petits-fours and the wedding cake. Yes, that’s right. The wedding was to take place three days after her death and he still had not ordered them!! You see what I mean? No, not really, what do you mean? He knew that it was not necessary. In fact it’s not just a murder it’s an assassination! He had planed to do it! But how did he do? He made her asleep before crashing her car! How? In fact, He was waiting for her outside the pub. A group of teens saw him talking with her; she was still alive at 1.30 a.m. Then, he let her go into her car, once she started driving, he waved at her, so, she stopped. He pretended she had lost her key. Actually, he had stolen it when you had lunch together. In no time, he got into the car and pressed a handkerchief soaked with chloroform on her nose. She rapidly fainted but before, she clutched on to his wrist, trying to free herself and that’s how she tore off* the button!! As the car was already in the street, he just let it fall into the lake. It was even easier, the street was on a slope. I know it must be even harder for you, but that’s how all happened. I’m really sorry Bryan…
Vocabulary help: to enlighten: to give somebody information so that they understand something better, behaviour: attitude, sewn: repaired thanks to the use of a needle and thread, to tear off: to remove a part of a cloth violently
The photographs were very nice. The text was easy to read because of the chapters. The story is okay, but it can be better. It is missing tension and that can be changed. Wow, great story. It is a long one, but very amusing. Good atmosphere, lots of adjectives, story contains all the elements. You are really talented for writing. I wouldn’t change anything. It is a long story, but I see that the author has made an effort. Congratulations for ingenuity. The plot is interesting and I thought right at the beginning that Mr. Scott was the murder. It is predictable. Story is great. I like how you split it in chapters. Action is great, very tense. It has all parts of story and it’s very interesting. I wouldn’t change anything; it’s just great as it is. Good story, it was like watching a crime movie. I think this story needs more tension. The story was nice to read, but I think there are some more things that can be written to visualize complete and great story. Long, at the beginning boring but as the story goes on it becomes more interesting. I think it is really good and simple story without dramatising and complications. The story is good, but not tense enough. It is a good story. You have good dialogs. But it is maybe a little too long. And Brian did not seem so spellbound because his father killed his fiance. Good story, it was like watching a crime movie. I think this story should develop more to develop tension. This story was also interesting. I actually felt sorry for that woman. She definitely did not deserve it. If you ask me, I would probably make it little bit shorter - I mean, it could all be shown in less text. Everything else was fine for me it had all necessary parts. Your story has great dialogs and a great idea. You put a lot of effort into this story. It is really good.
Magaux-Louise Aigle, Eline Dettweiler
CRIME STORY Hello, my name is Mikael Brand, I am 42 years old and I live alone in a little village called RooseveltIsland. I work in a car repair shop. Today is Monday, May 9, and like every Monday at 7 PM I meet with my brother to go running in Central-Park. His name is John Brand, midthirties, he is a perfect businessman who is married to a lovely wife; together they have 2 children, Marie and Max. They live a perfect life! Everything he starts is a success. He is a model of a successful life! I walk to the park and wait for him; 5 minutes later he arrives and we start our run around the blossoming trees in the green grass of the park. There is a wonderful sunset for us to enjoy, in the most wonderful landscape that I have ever seen. It is in these moments that I forget all my problems and when I almost feel happy. Suddenly, we hear frightening shots, all the people become anxious, everybody gets scared, some children are crying, some other are screaming. Some policemen and journalists are gathering around the super-market, we decide to go there to find out what has happened. It is at this moment that John reminds me that his wife wanted to go shopping for food; this is the
Fear takes over John; he runs to the store, nothing can stop him. I watch him searching everywhere in the super-market to find his wife. I feel his anxiety. I follow him inside, I see a girl with a gun. She looks like a psychopath. She has a look that chills* me. I’m afraid. When I turn around, I see hostages seating on the floor against the shelves*. Among the hostages, I recognize Carry, John’s wife. I don’t know what to do. The girl with the gun looks increasingly scary, she starts to scream,“ this is a revenge for my youth that has been destroyed by teasing and bullying during my schools years. She becomes crazier and crazier, starts shooting
John arrives and pleads for her to control herself, and to surrender. He succeeds! I see her 47
falling down and losing control. She turns the weapon towards her head and pulls the trigger. She is lying on the floor, dead, the blood flowing from her body. I feel relieved from my brother. One more time, he managed to survive and saved everyone. Why is it always him and not me? I cannot accept that. I have nothing in my life, and he has it all. I see the gun, next to the dead body. A horrible idea comes to my mind, I cannot stop the
At that moment, I grasp the gun, tell John that all of his success has been unbearable to me, and without thinking, I point the weapon towards John and shoot. This is the moment that I have been waiting for, for so long. I can hear his last scream, his last breath*, I see him lying down without any movement.... Guilt-ridden*, I surrender* to the policemen. And I tell them the truth. Now, Iâ€™m in jail. I lost everything I had, Now I just have regrets. I am a murderer. I will never forget this day.
Vocabulary help: to chill: to make someone shiver, tremble, shelves: a flat board fixed to a wall for things to be placed on, breath: the air that you take into your lungs and send out again, guilt-ridden: full of remorse, surrender: to admit that you have been defeated and want to stop fighting = to give in
REVIEWS: The theme comes a bit from the Bible – typical jealousy between two brothers (Cain and Abel), so the story is a bit boring, without much tension. The story has a good theme actually, but it can be more crime words. Great idea for story, but I think you should upgrade story a bit, expand actions. There are lots of twists and turns and it makes a story interesting, though it is a bit creepy. Excellent vocabulary. I like the fact that there are a lot of unexpected twists and a lot of characters. I do not have bad comments. This story is, for me, one of the best. The action is full with contrasts and the writer is misleading the readers constantly. This story has no action. It doesn’t contain any tense and it is a kind of boring. You should work on all parts of the story. It is a good idea for a story but it isn’t developed well. Your story is good but I could predict this kind of ending from the start. Maybe you should make some twists. The story did not have so many twists and turns and the end was predictable. Also it is a very nice description of our community. Story is not tense enough and I suppose it would be much more intriguing if the story was not written as some short autobiography. The story is okay, though it does not have so many tense situations. I would work on the plot of the story, because I think that it is not sufficiently explained. I like the story. It shows that some people that are in our surrounding may have some strange feelings for us and they are maybe ready to kill us just like Mikael killed John. I could predict this kind of ending from the start. It needs more twists but it can be compared to real life stories and what jealousy can do to people. This story was very good. I could not guess what was going to happen at the end so it was tense enough and interesting. It also has a message which is that we should never react if we are angry, but wait until we come down, or we will probably regret our acts. Till the end I didn't know who the killer is. That is something that makes this story great, but if I were you I would use more crime words. It is predictable, but nice story.
The San Diego butcher case I’ve never seen a crime scene like this one. No blood. No clues. There was only a corpse, at the center of a hotel room, the number 13, if I remember correctly. This one didn’t bring him luck… I remember that it was the sixth crime, always in San Diego, with the same procedure. Each time, the policemen only found a corpse, in a room emptied of all its furniture. I was called at the fifth crime, because of the magnitude of the events. At this time, I was employed as a secret agent in the FBI. I was their best element, and they were sure that I could solve this case. The first day, three cops were waiting for me in front a motel. These officers gave me a pass* which allowed me to make all the researches I wanted. I found a card with the potential killer’s profile. It said that the murderer was probably a person living alone, without family. It wasn’t a surprise, because most of the killers had a similar profile. Regarding the crime scene, it couldn’t help us, because of the lack of clues. The only one we could find was the injury. Probably an axe, for this crime. To learn more about the murder, we had to find an idea. “And why don’t we investigate around the murder perimeter?” Yes. We had looked for a good idea? We got this one. But after lot of unsuccessful hours, spent front of all the San Diego people, we had got to find a suspect, to keep the people calm. Obviously, to have a serial-killer who was walking calmly in the street could be a source of stress for some people. Therefore, the first person who corresponded, even a little, was considered as the killer. Evidently, he wasn’t the murderer, and we had to bring him back his home. A while after this arrest, the city had regained its peacefulness, and it was this time that the killer choose to strike a new victim. The same scene, the same number of clues. Zero. But this time, the testimony of a witness led us to a house, at the edge of the city. In this one, we only found a grand-mother, and one of my cops said the most intelligent thing I had never heard : “She can’t be the killer Can she?”. I fired* him.
A year went by, filled with numerous unjustified arrests, which never bone fruit… But one day, we received a death threat, of the “San Diego butcher”, as we called him. He didn’t seem to like the attention he received from us. One by one, all my colleagues disappeared. The investigation went faster to avoid further unnecessary deaths. Three months later, I was the last person on the investigation. “Today I decided to write this letter, to tell you that I am leaving the town, because my work is finished. There’s nobody else to kill. Today I have decided to tell you, who reads this Letter, that I will find you, and kill you. My name is James Doughs, and this is the last sentence you will read. Farewell.”
Vocabulary help: pass: official document that shows that you have the right to enter/leave a place, to fire so : to tell someone he has lost his job
REVIEWS: In the beginning it was mentioned that the corpse had been found at the centre of a hotel room, but later in the text it was written that the cops were waiting for the investigator in front of a motel – those two can not be the same. Furthermore, everything in the text was expected and there was not enough of tension. It is good and it has wide vocabulary. I think that story is not tense enough. I think it is a good story, but it could be better. You should make atmosphere a little bit tense. I like the end of story because it is unexpected. It is ok and it contains all parts. But, for me, too much crime. The end is very interesting. I like that the end of the story is scary. The policeman got the letter and he must think about the threat he got from the butcher. I am interested in what would happen in the future with policeman. It’s a very short story but it’s also very good. It contains all parts and it has some tension. The end is also very interesting. Interesting story but it isn’t tense enough. I liked the idea of the story, but it is not elaborated enough to understand the story completely. Honestly, I can’t handle Butcher stories because there are too many of them and they all tell us the same : once upon a time there was a serial killer named Butcher. Unfortunately, that is not enough to satisfy my ‘reading skills’ but I do like the Letter that was introduced into the end of the story. The story is OK and has a very good ending. This is a good story. And for me it is a bit of scary. And end is unexpected. I find this story not tense enough but it can be fixed. This story was the best one for me so far. It actually scared me a little bit. It is very different than others. I think that nobody would expect that ending, it was completely unexpected, just like it is supposed to be. The end which is unexpected and great vocabulary are something special. I am not sure if the tenses were used correctly. Quite good story, I can tell. Work a bit on tenses. But interesting story.
Crime story Homer was a man like the others, a little strong but all the same chubby and a little taller than others. He was married and he had two children, a boy and a girl. Homer used to go to a pub every evening, this pub was the â€œFashion Drugs CafĂŠâ€?, a banal pub like the others but there was a lot of drug trafficking which was not very reassuring... One evening, as usual, he was at the pub but something bothered him, he felt something unusual, something strange, unpleasant. The pub was quiet, calm like every night. Nobody could guess what had happened the night before... As it was a pub where there was drug trafficking, the pub was not a very safe place... All people did not feel safe in the pub, they didn't stay late at night because there were mad men at this place. Some people had been assaulted by a mad man and Homer though it was the case the night before... When he suddenly realized that he was the last one in the pub, he decided to go home because the place was dangerous... But when he went out of the pub, in the dark deserted street, he felt immediately very uneasy. He just wanted to arrive to his house quickly, but he decided to take his time because running would seem too suspicious. Homer had never been so stressed, so anxious, and had never been so scared in his life. Homer was all the more anxious because he could feel a presence, something that was following him, it could be an animal, or a maybe a friend who wanted to escort him back home, as some night, or maybe simply a prostitute... But that, he did not know and could not know unless* he looked behind him but stress prevented him from doing so and encouraged him to walk faster... The more he walked, the more presence behind him stressed him... And suddenly Homer knew who was behind him, before he realized it, he was stopped by the man. At that 53
moment, he saw his life flash by before his eyes, like in the movies where the hero sees his life from his childhood up to now. His fears were real, the man was assaulting him to have drugs. With this sentence in mind, Homer knew that this man was drug addict. Threatened with a knife, Homer couldn't reflect anymore, he thought he was already dead. He just thought of running as quickly as possible. The mad man just had time to touch him with the tip* of his knife. Homer ran without looking behind him, he ran straight and never stopped. Suddenly, Homer was stopped again by the man who was running too. At that very moment Homer was shot dead by the police officer who though Homer was a drug dealer on the run. WWW
Vocabulary help : unless : used to say that something can only happen in a particular situation , tip : end
REVIEWS: The story was quite tense, it would be even better if it was longer than this, with more details and characters.
This story is okay, but I think there are not many crime words but it has an unexpected end.
I found story amusing, even though it is little disturbing because of the sad end. The story also describes major events in nowadays where people persuade other people to do something they donâ€™t want to do, that kind of conflicts often ends tragically. It is instructive story end sends an important message to us, readers.
I really like the story because it was a lot of tense, but I do not like it when at the end of the unhappy ending. 54
The story is educational because the things are not always like we think they are. You shouldn’t be scared and don’t run from your fear. It could be your end.
This story is little sad. Everything happened very quickly. Homer was at the wrong time at the wrong place and he had no luck. End of story is unexpected and very shocking, unbelievable!
This is an okay story but needs to be worked on. Story was very nice to read, but I personally think that it needs more action and twists to be on a higher level.
This story has perfect vocabulary, the expressions through the story are very well presented but if you ask me, it might be better if Homer got shot and died of wounds in hospital.
The story is good, but not enough describes of the feelings and not enough crime words. But the end is very good.
It is not a bad story but I do not understand why Homer, who is a father and family man, goes to such a pub where there was drug trafficking.
This is an okay story but needs to be worked on. It was a fine little story. A lot of things had happened. I am sorry for that guy - I mean he had family but he should have thought about it all before he went into that pub. However, story was interesting and I liked it.
The story is great. It has an unexpected end. I only suggest you use more crime words.
It’s OK story but misses a lot of elements to make it more tense and interesting. You should work on it. 55
Big hunter, Joan, 56 years old is married with Marie, 50 years old. They live in L.A in a little house at the edge of the beach. We are on 2nd December 2008 and it’s Joan’s birthday. As a gift, he wants to offer himself a new life but the problem is that he met a girl while he was hunting and fell in love with her. Her name is Sarah. So, his new life couldn’t be with Marie! His passion for weapons leads him to choose to kill her. This special evening, he plans to kill her in front of the front door at 8.45 p.m. after coming back from the restaurant where they will celebrate his birthday. As expected, they went to the restaurant at 7 p.m. They had diner, drank… Joan was a little bit worried because in a few hours he would kill Marie but the idea to live with Sarah accentuated his determination. At 8.30 p.m., the couple came back in the direction of their house; Marie was walking slowly. She said: “it’s a beautiful evening Joan! Why don’t we stay outside?,” which didn’t please Joan who wanted to respect the schedule and who answered “I’m tired, please, let’s go back home...” At 8.45 p.m. they were in front of the front door. He was going to kill his wife the day of his birthday to radically change his life. At the moment of opening the door, he looked at Marie who was smiling and after closing his eyes he took his knife and stabbed Marie in the heart. The corpse was lying on the stairs outside the door. With his hands covered in blood, he picked the corpse and opened the door. He switched on the lights. At that moment, he saw and heard the guests who shouted: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY! “
The element of tension was lost because we found out the killer’s plans at the beginning of the story. Otherwise, the end was surprising and well-written. It is a good story because of twists and turns, but the story could be tense. I think story contains all necessary parts. The end of the story is really unexpected and I like that, it surprised me. I wouldn't change anything. It is ok, but the story would be better if you used more creativity. I like this story because of the end. I didn’t expect this conclusion. It made me to think what happens next? Story is quite good. It has all necessary parts and I like the end. Maybe you should make it more complicated so when you read it you would expect what is going to happen next. The story needs more action and description but it is good. Story was very nice to read, but I think that it needs a better atmosphere, twists and a bit more action happening. If you just to add that, it would be a great story. Story is hilarious. It is really creatively made. It has crime sense but the end makes it all funny and those two components fit really well together. I like this story because of end. He was probably shocked that everyone found out that he was the killer. But the thing I would change will be place of murder because it's too obvious and isn't too ingenious. It is a good story. I think that Joan did not have to kill his wife Marie to begin a new life. The end is good. The story needs more action but I find it fun to read. It is different than others. I think that he could have solved his „problem” easily without hurting anyone. And as far as I am concerned, he should never be happy in his life. It has kind of satisfaction for me when everybody saw what happened. However, the story was interesting. Story has a lot of twists and turns. Great!
It’s very funny story but a little more action would be great.
Short story The town was in panic. What was going on? This question poisoned their minds. The news of the BBC just revealed the horrible death of a police man in San Francisco’s streets. Inspector Smith of the FBI just began his investigation. Paradoxically he was considered as the best in his domain as well as an unpleasant man. Right now, he was on the crime scene. The victim, a man in is early thirties, was called Chase Moran. Gunshot wound. A piece of evidence was found. It was a cartridge on which the name of the victim was represented. Inspector Smith asked to the ballistics: “What type of gun is it? - It’s a rifle of bore 90.” Regarding that the victim was living alone and hadn’t got family anymore, Smith questioned the patrol: “Who worked with Moran?” Nobody had heard about a bore 90 because everybody in the group had a P95. So, Smith led an investigation among the weapon sellers and learnt that this weapon came from the army. Only one shop sold guns to the army. Inspector Smith went there. He learnt by the seller that the weapon had been sent to an individual who lived two blocs away from here. But, before having time to go, he had a call of one of his colleague: “Come on to 911 San Marina Avenue. A shooting was committed.” Once arrived on the scene and equipped with his bulletproof vest as well as his gun, he noticed he had arrived too late and a second police man was dead. Smith just recalled one of his father’s principal missions. Indeed, he had arrested the thief in a shooting, the man had lost his arm. One of his subordinates discovered an arm prosthesis. He concluded that fingerprints could be found. Without prints, the investigation became more complicated but not 58
impossible. The serial number of this prosthesis was 45184158-848485-47489. Thanks to it, Smith could track a man called Mick Holden. He went to Holden’s house. He discovered with bewilderment*, a man who still had two arms. He asked him who he was and if this prosthesis was his possession. The man answered it was the one of his wife’s, Julia, but she hadn’t come back since the night before. Smith found her thanks to the GPS localization of her phone in a desert street, murdered. The following question arouse! Who had killed Julia Holden? He came back to Mick’s house and announced him: “I’m sorry but your wife is dead.” When he went back to the house without making noise, he discovered Mick, counting the booty* and the bore 90 on the table. Mick Holden was condemned to the death penalty for the murders of two policemen as well as his wife. He had wanted to avenge himself of these policemen. He had killed his wife because he wanted to keep the cash for him alone. By accusing her, he was certain to profit of his new life under coconut trees.. TTT
Vocabulary help: bewilderment: confusion, booty: valuable things stolen that someone obtains
REVIEWS: The author of the text has a big knowledge about the weapons, which was very good. The crime words were excellent. It is okay, but it is not very original and there could be more characters’ emotions and feelings. When you read your work again, maybe you should cut out unnecessary details which add nothing to the meaning of your story. I think you should work little bit on red herrings and twists and turns. But a great idea. Story is really unusual. The outcome of the story was not expected. In the end of story we learn a message, which is great. The story was good because of very detailed description of crime scene but it is a little confusing… I don´t like that it is predictable. Story is very unusual. The outcome of the story wasn't expected. In the course of the story it wasn't suggested how the case will end up. In the end of story we learn the whole truth, which is very surprising. I think that your story is very good. I suppose that you like crime series, just like me. This was one of the good stories that I read, but to be the best I think it needs a bit more tense actions to be completed. In my opinion, the story is not creative enough. I think it should be more tense and the killer should be found by clues and investigation, not just by accident. Story is OK but not tight enough and it does not contain enough descriptions of feelings. This story is not bad but it is not very interesting. I have a feeling that something is missing. It is a good story but something that you always have in books. It needs more intrigue.
It was a real crime story. Everything was explained in the smallest details. As far as I am concerned, this story is fine but for me, maybe too complicated and too many unimportant details are told. It's a great story. I think you should just describe more feelings in it. Nice story, but needs more of something, like excitement. 60
An Unlucky American Idol In California, near Los Angeles, at 1 o’clock, the corpse of Clara Jackson, the wife of the famous singer Mika Jackson , was found dead by the Jacskons’ concierge, in their palace. The forensic scientist discovered fingerprints on the neck of the victim. They asserted that the victim had been strangled. People were shocked by the death of Clara and believed that she had been killed by her husband Mika. Policemen and detectives tried to find Mika, in order to punish him for the murder of Clara. Police car patrols and helicopters were deployed to find the murderer, but he vanished. People were sad and angry at the same time because of the death of their idol, and because of the inability of the police to discover the murderer, who was still on the run. Some paparazzi and policemen waited near the entrance of the Jacksons’ palace but it was too big, Mika could enter discreetly if he really wanted it. Moreover, the Jacksons’ palace was far away from the city, nobody lived around the palace: what a perfect crime place it was! All of the evidence was against Mika. Paparazzi and policemen stayed during one week. Suddenly, a black limousine entered the palace. Policemen curtly stopped it. It was Mika, but he didn’t try to escape. When he was under arrest, he didn’t understand anything. He affirmed that he was in Tahiti during the week for a video, so he couldn’t be guilty of this murder. People were reassured a bit because they couldn’t really imagine that Mika had strangled his awesome wife, but they were still stressed : The murderer hasn’t been arrested yet. But it was just a question of time. The forensic managed to analyse the fingerprints. In fact, the murderer was the Jacksons’ maid. She was so jealous of Clara, because of her fame and her money . Moreover she had a secret love affair with Mika. When Clara discovered the affair between her husband and Sophie, the Jackson’s maid, Sophie didn’t have any other choice: she had to kill Clara. Before she was under arrest, Sophie spoke about her affair with Mika to all the Americans on the radio. Suddenly, Mika was detested by all the American people. He received death treats, and many insults from the Americans. He had a nervous break down. 61
The next day, there was a new victim, Mika had committed suicide, and the Jackson story died with him. YYY REVIEWS: There was no need for such a big similarity with late singer Michael Jackson. Otherwise, the story had been quite well written. This story, in my opinion, is not good enough. It could be changed in the end because it is not odd that the maid kill Clara. It could have more crime words. It is a very good story, brief and simple one. vocabulary.
I wouldn’t change anything.
It is ok and interesting, but there are not any twists or turns. So, it could be better. The story shows the life of famous people. I learnt that their lives are not always perfect. Good story. It’s good story. I like the end when everyone kills themselves, it’s a little bit different from other stories. I don’t think you should change anything. This is a typical TV story. It is good but I think that you should enrich it with more descriptions. I did not like the idea of the story, because it is not as original as the others are. The combination of the acts, intrigue and fame makes this story very well. In my opinion, it would be better if someone committed a murder by accident which leads to the longer and more interesting investigation. The story is OK, but not tense enough. But I like the end of the story. It is not a bad story. It is a little sad. This story shows that famous and rich people are not always happy and satisfied. This is something like the usual TV stories, not that I don’t like it but I think it has a potential to be better than it is now. In this story so much was said in a little text. All the characters ended badly which is not very good for me - I like the good ending in stories but it was not possible in this case. It has been solved on this way. Great idea! I only regret there weren’t so many crime words. It reminded me of Michael Jackson. Interesting. But you should work a little more on it. 62
Short story It was the third body that we found. In the same position, and the victims had been killed in the same way. But this victim was found in an industrial harbour, ripped open* . There was blood everywhere. It made the headlines of all the newspapers of the country. It wasn't the first time the press terrified the population by publishing murder articles this week. Sam had read this newspaper and then he turned round to his friends and he said «Have you seen what happened last night? They found a corpse again! » Cal and Bryan were shocked so they didn't say anything... These three friends were used to going to the same café everyday Sam took a strong coffee, like Cal, and Bryan took a decaffeinated one. Sam was used to take a black towel with him all the time. Sam lived with his sister, she was a little younger than him. He was a carpenter and had always loved his job, but recently, he had become angry, nervous... He came back home late, drank alcohol, and he locked himself inside his office, all night long. His sister thought that he was disturbed* by all these murders, she didn't pay attention to his attitude. Sam had always hated Spanish women, 'cause during his childhood, his nanny was Spanish, and she terrified him, she was violent with him... And, strangely, all the victims were Spanish women. Sam had grown up with this feeling of inferiority, always belittled, frustrated. One day, in the same café as usual, he was talking with Bryan and Cal... Cal evoked the multiple murders again burned himself with his coffee, that upset him. Then they talked about everything, and they returned to their jobs, but Sam, no. Sam went out, and walked alone, in the street, and went back home only at 11,30 p.m.
The next day, in newspapers, another murder article was published, a Spanish woman, again. And this time, found in an abandoned factory. It was such a scary place, it was cold, and only rats could stay here. There was an odor of disinfectant. All the windows were broken, or tagged. We found a black towel on her face. Like the one they found on others victims. Sam talked to the police about Bryan's habits, then they made the link between Bry and and the murderer; it was the same person... 63
Code name : Deceitful Bananas Vocabulary help : to rip open : to tear violently , disturbed: mentally ill
REVIEWS: There was an unexpected ending, which was good. The story was written with a rich vocabulary of scientific words such as “disinfectant”. Well-used past tenses. I did not like this story, but it has a well described character appearance. I think you should work on twists and turns, at the beginning you revealed to us, readers, who is a murder and because of that there is no need to continue reading. In that way the story lost tension. But you had a great idea for the story. You have a vivid imagination and you are very resourceful. The story is very well conceived, but you have not elaborated it in detail – for example, characters are not described enough. Everything else is good. All the time I thought that Sam was guilty and I was very surprised with discovery that Brian was the murder. Well done! This story is very well conceived but you haven’t elaborated it well. You should make more descriptions and make it more perplexing. Interesting story, but you should put more description and actions. I really did not like the concept of the story; it needs a bit more emotions and action to be a good story. Story is interesting, but I think that the characters should be more described. Anyway, it is somehow nice and funny way to find out who the killer is. I don't like this story because it isn't tense enough and feelings aren't too well described. It is not a bad story but it is a little confusing. I thought that Sam was the killer. I didn’t like anything to keep my attention, maybe more action could fix that. Story was good. At the beginning when Sam started talking about murders it was not obvious that he would do that but when we found out that his nanny was Spanish just like the victims it was sure that it was him. As far as I am concerned, his friends should have told the police about him earlier just to check there would be less damage done. The story is a little confusing. At times it was difficult for me to follow it. Ok, but it needs to be worked on. Nothing kept my attention to this story. 64
FRENCH STUDENTS: My name is Ines BEYSANG. I’m almost 16 years old and I live in Guémar, a small village in Alsace. I’ve been living in Guémar since I was born. I’m black haired and brown eyed, I am of Algerian origin. If I were a boy I think I wouldn’t spend so much time brushing my long hair! I’ve got a little sister, she’s called Genna, she’s 8 years old and she’s very tiring sometimes! I also have an elder sister named Melina; she’s almost 21 years old. I’m in my first year in high school but it’s almost the end, already! I can’t help thinking about the summer holidays; I’m waiting for the sun! In our school, we don’t have to wear uniforms but we must come to school with decent clothes. If I was an animal, I would be a Turtle because I like taking my time. I went to England last year in April with my class; it was really cool but a little bit cold! We saw a lot of interesting places and monuments and of course we ate fish and chips. I like hanging out with my friends and more precisely with my best friend Derya, we always find something to do! I’ve known her since I was 3 years old, we’re like sisters. We have a lot of fun together, it’s great. I also like going to the cinema and meet other friends.
We are Margaux –Louise AIGLE and Eline DETTWEILER and we are French girls. We are both16 years old and we live in Alsace. Eline lives in a little town called Kaysersberg and Margaux in Bergheim. We are together in the same class in a wonderful high school. Margaux has got a little brother and Eline a little sister. Our passion is to be with friends and go out to places such as the cinema or to go shopping. But we have other hobbies too. Margaux practices classic dance and Eline plays basketball. And sometimes at the week-end we go running together. We are funny crazy girls, we like laughing with everybody and we are always high-spirited. But at school we are a little bit lazy like every teenager.
My name is Camille BABE! I have lived in Guémar since I was born. I will be 16 years old on the 5th of July My school is situated in Ribeauvillé. I’ve got 2 cats and one dog. They are so sweeeeeeeeeet. I’ve got two sisters, one bigger and one smaller than me. My favorite kind of music is Rock and my favourite band are Three Days Grace and Panic at the disco. But I also love Eminem, who is for me, the king of rap. Music makes me feel happy. What else… I’m not very sporty but every Monday evening, I’ve got Zumba with two of my friends !My favorite activities are reading book, spend time with my friends. They are so important for me. If I were an instrument, I would be a violoncello. You can play every kind of music with.
My name is Achille BEYSANG, I’m 15 years old (nearly 16 actually ^^). I live in a small village called Guemar, which is located in the east of France, just near Germany. I’ve got 2 big brothers called Albin and Arthur, they are 19 (Albin) and 21 (Arthur) years old. My life is great, isn’t it? No, just kidding ;) As you can see in the picture, I play the piano, but just for fun, I don’t take any lessons. I’ve also been playing the drums since I was 6 years old. I totaly love music, because I feel free when I listen to it. I practice sports too, Rugby, swimming, and working out. What else could I say? This summer I’ll go to Portugal with many friends of mine (for example Xavier), for 3 whole weeks. We will travel across Portugal, going from one camp to another… I hope you enjoyed the story that I wrote with Xavier, our group was called : « Ha-nonny-mousse. »
My name is Alice FINANCE, I’m 15 years old, I was born on the 8th October 1997... I’ve got blue eyes and long blond hair. My favourite type of music is rock: I love My Chemical Romance, Rage Against the Machine, Sum41, Blink 182, Queen… I’ve been fond of Zelda since I was 6, and in my spare time I play a lot of video games like World of Warcraft. I like to draw and to play the piano; I’ve played the piano since 7 years. My favourite colour is blue. I’ve got one big brother named Pierre, and a big deceitful cat. T-T My favourite movies are Pirates of Caribbean, Avengers, Raiponce and all the Marvels! I eat all day long. Because food is the greatest thing EVER. If I were an instrument, I would be an electric guitar because I’m always noisy and overexcited!
I’m Tasinato LUCAS, I’m 16, I live, with my two parents, in a wonderful town in Alsace (France), which is called Ostheim. I’ve also go a brother Thibaut and a sister Marianne. I’ve got a lot of Hobbies, for instance I practice Tennis in club, and I’m also fond of roller skate. I I particularly like hanging out with my friends. For example, Last year I went to Bosnia for a camp of 3 weeks this was so great and impressive, this was such as great experience to travel in some countries with my friends and other pupils that’s why if I were an object, I would be an camera in order to take photos of every place in the world.
Hello, my name is Bérangère HALBOUT. I’m 15 years old and I live in Bergheim, a little village. I’ve got two brothers, Lucas and Ernest. I practice the gym. I love reading books. I’m friendly and very curious. If I were an instrument I would be drums because I move all the time.
Hello, I'm Valentin LEBON and I'm 16. I live in a small village in Alsace, in the east of France. I have a big brother called Arnault who is 29. And I have a dog and a cat, « Eclair » and « Gribouille » (Okay, don't laugh about their names, I was only 10 when I gave them those names..) I 've got curly black hair, and brown eyes, I'm 1,72 meter tall. I have started French boxing at the beginning of this year... I essentially listen to rock music, my favorite group is a very well-known one : Linkin Park, but my favorite song is « Skumfuk », by Sum 41. And in another style of music, I like « The Sound Of Silence » by Simon And The Garfunkel, for example... Of course I like playing video games like the inevitable series of « Assassin'sCreed » ! I am fond of comedies, and action or fantastic films («Kick Ass » or « Iron man » for example). I play a bit of the harmonica. I have begun playing of this instrument since my birthday which was in January, this year. If I were an animal, I would be... a great and powerful lion. Because it's cool. No, seriously, I don't know.
My name is Camille COLLIN and I'm 15 years old but I'm going to be 16 on the 13th August. I live in Ribeauvillé and I study in the high school of this town. I've got a little sister, she is called Juliette and she's 13 years old. I've got a dog and a cat. I love reading lots of books (especially stories which are about vampires!) and watching lots of TV series too. I swim one day a week, I practice karate one day a week too. I play the piano but I'm not really good at it. But I like playing the piano anyway. Actually if I were an object, I would be a camera because I find that it's the best object. Thanks to the camera, we can have lots of wonderful memories!! And especially memories with my fiends because I love my friends so much: they are so funny and so amazing.
My name is Edouard MERTZ, I’m 16 years old, I live in Bergheim in Alsace in France. Currently I am studying in the secondary school located in Ribeauvillé next to Bergheim. I’ve got one brother and two sisters. In my free time I like sports and music. Indeed I practise badminton in a club twice a week and I play the guitar (I have lessons once a week). I’ve played badminton for 2 years and I’ve played the guitar for 4 years. I often run. too. And sometimes I go riding with a friend. I have already tried lots of sports like rock climbing, surf but I don’t practise them so often. I like spending time with my friend and going out with them. If I were a animal, I would be a bird because I would like to fly and be free.
Hello, my name is Gautier PHILIPPI! I’m 16 years old; I live in France and more specifically in a little village called Bergheim. I’m in 2nd 1 in Ribeaupierre high school. I live with my parents and my sister in an average home. If I were an animal, I would be a leopard because I’m like this animal! I love being with my friends and my girlfriend like a leopard in a pack. I have goods friends with whom I throw parties or spend very good moments. I’m tonic like a leopard and I love sports. All people know that leopards run fast and I love running and expanding my energy. The sport that I prefer is mountain bike but before doing bike, I have taken part in many competitions of speed skating! I was the strongest! I’m just a sports fan. Apart from sports, I enjoy school but not all the subjects! My favorite subject is economic and social sciences. To put it in a nutshell, like the leopard I’m very impulsive which is not always good. So, it’s a little presentation of me. I hope that you are like me.
My name is Justine MULLER, I’m 15 years old only whereas the major party of my friends are already 16. I have 3 brothers but just one still lives with us. I live in Illhaeusern, a small village next to Guémar, a little village too. Those villages are not really touristic but they are pleasant. Illhaeusern is situated in the east of the France and in the south of Alsace. The weather is very depressing because even though we are in spring, it’s raining all days. Actually, it seems that we are still in autumn, I hope that it will be sunny soon! I was born in Illhaeusern and not in Colmar like the others, my mum couldn’t wait to go at the hospital, so my dad had to do the job instead of the specialists doctors (actually my dad is a doctor too, so it was less difficult for him than for another person who isn’t a GP!). I practice dance every Wednesday, and at the end of the year, in June, we are going to present a show in front of all the village! It's been 6 years that I have learned English, I am doing a European class and I will perhaps go to Copenhagen with my class next year. If I were a movie, I would be a real and sad movie because I would like to make all the spectators cry and I would like this movie to stay in their memory. I don’t like all the vegetables but a lot of them, and I love chocolate because you can eat it in all its forms. If I had the opportunity to know how to sing, I would become a famous singer like Rihanna for example. As far as my character is concerned, I'm a little bit too organised, we can call that fussy and I don't like hypocrite people. I don't know a lot about Croatia, I don't know singers or actors of your country. I wrote the story “The maniac”, I hope you enjoyed it.
Hi! My name is Laura FIX. I’m 16 years old and I live in Bergheim. I’ve got a big brother, Marc, and an older sister, Fanny. I’ve got some pets: two dogs, a cat, a hamster and a turtle. I’m crazy about shopping. If I were a color, I would be green because I really enjoy it.
Hello, my name is Marine PROBST. I’m 16 and I live in Ammerschwihr which is a small village in France. I’ve got a little sister who’s very funny; she’s always laughing! Her name is Eugénie. Kookie is my black cat’s name and my parents are called Pierre and Patricia. I like reading books, watching TV, dancing, being with my friends, English and listening to music like the band Superbus. If I were a superhero, I would have superpowers like being invisible to see everybody without their knowing it and if I had had the opportunity to learn an instrument, I think I would have chosen the piano because I really like this instrument and it produces amazing melodies!
My name is Marion URBAN. I’m 16 years old, and I live in a small village called Guémar, in the east of France. Guémar is situated in an area called the Alsace, it’s as I said in the east of France, and it is at the border of Germany. It’s not a touristic village, but not so far there are some very touristic villages or cities like Ribeauvillé, Colmar, and a little bit farther away there is for example Strasbourg. As I said I’m 16, I was born in Colmar on the 10th of April 1997. Today I’m in what we call ‘classe de seconde’ (which corresponds to grade 10in the USA) in High School. I still have 2 weeks of School, and after that I will have 2 months and 2 weeks of holidays!! I’m really impatient because during the summer holiday, I’m going to leave France. I’m going to Portugal during 3 weeks with my friends. We are about 10 friends and other teenagers who are leaving France. We are going to camp and will visit Portugal, do sightseeing and see its monuments, bath in the Atlantic sea ...It will be incredible holidays. The last thing I can tell you about are my sparetime activities. I dance every Wednesday, and weareprepareing a how for the 14th of June. I have also studied music since I'm 6 years old. I play the transverse flute. And my favorite sport is the badminton, I really like it: I have played it since I have 9 years!!
My name is Julien MEYER, I’m in a high school because I’m 16 years old. If I were an instrument, I would be a guitar because I love doing it. I love playing tennis too, it’s so fun to play with friends!! And I’m about 185 cm, it’s so easy and funny for me. I’ve got one sister who is older than me, she’s called Audrey. I like play music with her, she plays the violin.
My name is Rita MIRETE ! I’m 15 years old and I’ll have my birthday on the 11th of June :D I’ve got a little brother called Léo sometimes he really gets on my nerves but he’s quite funny! I’ve got 3 cats. I have lived in Guémar for 6 years, before I lived in the south of France. I’ve got lots of friends in my village and some others in Ribeauvillé for example because my High School is here. I play chess once a week and I dance twice a week with my friends. If I were a song, I would be Happy from C2C because I think that people should always be positive and happy.
My name is Stuart HUSSON, I am 15 years old and I come from the beautiful village of Kaysersberg, in France. I’m short brown haired and blue eyed. I like spending time with friends, watching TV or movies, and I’m crazy about Football.
Hi everybody! My name is Thomas SANDMANN, I’m 16. I live in Beblenheim, it’s a little village next to Ribeauvillé. I live there with my family. I’ve got a sister, she is 20 and I’ve got a dog called Heaven. My favorite hobbies are playing badminton, tennis and basketball with my friends. I like skiing but it's not always possible in Alsace. If I were an animal I would be a duck because a duck can swim, walk or fly and also because a duck look really funny.
Hello, my name is Ugo PARMENTIER and I am 15 years old. In my free time I like reading, especially French literature because it is diversified and awesome. But it is not everything, I live in the countryside and I am surrounded by the forest that’s why I ride a lot my bike, alone, or with my friends. I will not linger about my hobbies but to finish, I am keen on scooter and I play a little bit video games too. What’s more, I come from France, which is, in my opinion, a beautiful country with a lot of traditions such as its famous gastronomy, and there are a lot various and breathtaking landscapes. To finish with a little philosophical sentence, if I had had the opportunity to be an animal, I would have liked to be a whale, because they are gigantic and so graceful and at the same time, very intelligent and sociable.
My name is Xavier KUBLER and I’m 16 years old. I wrote the story, which is about Katy, as “Ha nonny mousse” and I hope you liked it! I read all your reviews and it was very interesting for us to know what you thought about them. I have blond hair and blue eyes and I’m around 1, 70 meter tall. I love laughing and having fun, and I’m always ready to party. I often hang out with my friends and I also play tennis during my free time. I like quite every sorts of music and I’m a huge fan of series like One Tree Hill or How I Met Your Mother.
Hi ! My name is Baptiste ZANCHET I've just turned 16 and I live in Kaysersberg which is a little town located in the center of Alsace (Alsace is the eastern region of France it's at the French-German border). I'm studying to Ribeaupierre high-school in Ribeauvillé. I've got one sister who is 20, one brother who is 24 and a cat named Isis. When I've free time I usually hang out with my friends or I play computer. I practice judo in my local club, I've the brown belt, but I enjoy playing basketball with my friends (even if I'm bad at this game). I don't play any instrument but if I had to learn to play one, it would be the piano.
Hello ! My name is Florian MILLET, I'm 16 years old, and I live in Sigolsheim, a small village inAlsace (near the frontier between France and Germany). I've got one brother, who's 13 years old, and three pets : two dogs and a cat. I study at the Ribeaupierre high school, in Ribeauville, and it's a cool high school. When I have free time, I love to play Basketball with friends, or play on my computer. I have practiced Basketball in a club, near my Village, for 10 years. I play a little bit the piano, but I'm not so good at this.
CROATIAN STUDENTS: Here are the students who wrote the reviews: 1.
Hello. My name is Ivana Bralj. I am 16 years old. My hobbies are belly dancing and Facebook. I am a very sociable person and love to hang out with my friends. I love to meet new people. I listen to pop, rock R&B and rap. I have two pets, two adorable cats. I live with my parents. My brother lives in Munich, Germany and my sister lives in Baderna, Croatia. I have two nephews and two nieces. I’ve been a Twilight fan since the first book was published. My horoscope sign is libra, but I do not believe in everything horoscope tells me. I am a very good student and my parents’ pride. Hi! I am Veronika Aničić. I am around 1,70 meters tall and I have short black hair and brown eyes. I live in Brodski Stupnik, a village near Slavonski Brod. I live in a small house with my mom and older sister. I am 16. I have 3 older sister who I really love. I love to travel with my sister in summer days and visit cultural monuments. My hobby is photography. Also, I love riding a bike in the wild nature. I really like animals because they are humans’ best friends I have a little rabbit called Kiki. In my free time I like to go to the cinema or go out with my friends on Saturday afternoon. My big wish is to visit the whole Europe. One day, I would like to work in tourism. I am Klara Tuličić. You can recognize me by my ginger hair. I am around 1.75 meters tall. I am 16 and a half. My school is about 20km from Brodski Stupnik, the place where I live. I travel to school by train every day. I’ve trained tae-kwon-do for six and a half years. I do not have any siblings. I love music from ex-Yugoslavia (bands like Azra, EKV) and power /symphonic metal (like Epica, Therion, etc). I’ve been a vegetarian for almost 78 years. I enjoy the nature and like camping and barbecuing (only potatoes and vegetables). I love freedom, travelling, open-minded people. I hate wars, corrupt politicians and I like the meaning of revolution, which is what I think the world needs again.
Hi. My name is Martina Petrović and I am 17. I have big blue eyes and long dark hair. I live in a small village near Slavonski Brod, Bukovlje. I have a big house in which I live with my five-member family. I am the youngest one. I like animals and have two dogs. I like to spend my spare time playing with them. They are always playful. I also like to read books, mostly crime and love stories, so I enjoyed working on this project. My favourite writers are Mary Higgins Clark and Nora Roberts. My friends are saying that I am very sociable and that I have a sense of humour. I have a lot of friends.
Hi. I am Patricija. My hair is long and brown, and my eyes hazel-coloured. I am an outgoing person, friendly, I am always ready to laugh and have fun. I am also ambitious and I use my brain whenever I can! In my spare time I like hanging out with friends and I enjoy reading books. I am 16 and in 4 weeks I will be 17. I live in Beravci, a village near Đakovo, with my parents and 2 little brothers and a sister. I go folklore dancing. I love animals and my favourite colour is brown.
I am Dora Kovačević. I live in Oprisavci, a village near Slavonski Brod. I am tall and I have light blonde hair, green eyes and fair skin. I am bright, cheerful, and always ready to smile and relax. I am 17. I live with my parents and a sister and a brother. My brother Ivan is older than my and my sister Anamarija is younger than me. In my free time I play the guitar. My favourite colour is green because my eyes are green. I love playing with my animals – a golden retriever Luna and 5 cats. I like spending a lot of time with my friends.
Hi. I am Irena Kolesarić. I am a tall girl who loves to play basketball. I train regularly. I have brown hair and brown eyes, too. I am friendly and love going out with friends and having fun. I like all kinds of music, but my favourite bands are Three Days Grace, Stereophonics, Nightwish, etc. My style is different, I like when I wear something special and everyone says: “Wooow!” or “How can she wear that?!” I have two brothers, Domagoj, who is 22 and Krešimir, 19. My father Zdravko works in the Czech Republic and that’s why we live wonly with our mother Goranka. In the future I would like to live in Germany.
I’m Dora Banoža. I am known for my brown, curly hair. I am of medium height. I live in Brodski Stupnik, a village near Slavonski Brod. I’m 16. I live with my parents. I have an older sister who is married and doesn’t live with us. I also have an older brother, Marko, but he is at the university. I also have a little nephew and like to play with him. I also like to play with animals, because I have a dog, Vori, a golden retriever and 3 cats. My favourite colour is blue. My favourite sport is handball, but I don’t play it seriously because my dad thinks it is too rough for me. I always laugh and enjoy listening to pop and rock music. I like all kinds of sports and hanging out with my friends.
Hi. My name is Ela Kilijan. I am 16 years old and I live in a village near Slavonski Brod. I go to Secondary School of Economics. I have wavy blonde hair and I am quite tall. My eyes are blue. I live with mom, dad, granny and three brothers. I am the youngest member of my family. My friends say that I am funny and a sociable person. Sometimes I am stubborn and very emotional. I like pets and have a dog, Labrador. He is my main hobby. We take long walks and I take care of him. Also, I like hanging out with my friends, watching movies, reading books and having fun.
Hi. I am Katarina Bodon. I live in Slavonski Brod. I have two sisters and a brother. My hair is blonde and my eyes are green. I’m about 168cm tall. My favourite colour is blue. I like going out at weekends, since I am an outgoing person. I like to hang out with my friends who are awesome. I love reading books, and surf on the Internet. I used to train tae-kwon-do, but since I started going to high school I haven’t had enough time for that. I have a pet – a dog called Mrvica.
Hi. I am Ivana Lovrić. I am 17 years old. I live in Brodsko Vinogorje, Slavonski Brod. I have a brother and I live with him, my mom, dad and grandma. My mom works in my school as a teacher and my dad works in Croatian Railways. I love stylish clothes, doing make-up and reading quotes on the Internet. My favourite colour is blue. I had a black and white cat called Ella. I love food, singing, listening to pop and r’n’b music. I like to hang out with my friends and chatting on the Internet.
My name is Lorena Karić and I am 16. I live in Brodsko Vinogorje, a part of Slavonski Brod. I have 2 sisters and a brother. I live with them, my mom, dad, granny and grandpa. I dance in a hip-hop group called Sinovi (Sons in English). I love dancing, painting, drawing, dubstep music, rap, hip-hop, r’n’b, pop and techno, too. I love food XD. In my spare time I like to go riding a bike with my best friend who has been in the same class with me since our 6th grade of primary school. I love taking photos of dancers and nature. My mom is a housewife and my dad works in Croatian Railways. My mom makes decorative cakes for birthdays, weddings and so on. I love helping her and expressing my creativity.
Hi. I am Domagoj. I am about 185cm tall and have short brown hair. I am a lifelong and faithful fan of Chelsea FC. You can always count on me if you need any help. I always laugh and try to make other people happy. I also like to play pool.
I am Mihovil Bajan and I am about 170cm tall. I train football regularly and I am a faithful fan of a Croatian football club named Hajduk Split. I am a funny guy for most of people. However, I am righteous and I am always ready to fight for justice.
Hi everyone. My name is Filip Blatančić and I am pretty tall. I go to the gym so I am getting a bit of wide. My favourite way of spending my free time is playing computer games. I am a very good friend and a very communicative person. My friends say that I am very funny. I don’t have any brothers or sisters.
Result of eTwinning project