Roots and Branches

can’t console and make people think everything is going to be alright.

Especially when I know that things are not going to be alright.

The doctor came in and asked if he could speak with me outside. The outside part of the question is usually what lets people know that the news will not be good. But I knew from the moment she fell asleep over her bacon and eggs that the news would not be good. And it wasn’t. If we had let my mother go to sleep that night, she would not have woken up. One of my babies could have found my mother dead.

How awful a thought is that?

My mother had fluid around her heart. The fluid caused her heart to work harder than normal. That extra work led to the exhaustion and falling asleep. And finally, there it was - possible death. I am sick of those two words.

My mother’s needs were too great for the local hospital so she was transported by helicopter to the Washington Hospital Center. There she was kept in a comatose state while air was forced into her lungs.

For a while I didn’t think my mother was walking out of that hospital.

She stayed there for weeks while they tried to get her back in shape and for the bulk of that time she was completely out. I don’t remember all of the medical details and terms but basically she was unable to breath through her normal airway and the doctors were forced to perform a tracheotomy. She was really depressed after that. I was disgusted and deeply saddened by that hole in my mother’s throat and believe I hated it just as much as she did. But it was necessary to save her life and I just tried to look at it from that light.

As the days and weeks passed I watched as her prognosis got better each day. I am not saying that it wasn’t a rough time. It was. On all of us. We were up and down the highway everyday and night. I was sick of that hospital. But she was getting better. I could see it. I had 180