MILQUETOAST PSYCHO

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we’re going to get it taken care of - finally, but we’ve got so many things that need to be done around the house.” That was certainly true, Matt thought miserably as Bill and Lisa smiled at his inability to fix anything and his general refusal to do any but the most simple chores. He’d mow, dust, wash dishes, and take out the garbage; otherwise, most things were, to him, a matter for some professional to tackle, or something to be put off and allowed to take care of itself. Matt quashed a reverie involving Bill and Lisa’s expression of surprise as he garroted them, telling himself not to think such things. He had to stop it. Dangerous, Matt reflected, even as he marveled at the odiousness of his neighbors’ moon faces, Bill’s framed by infuriatingly greyish-red curls and Lisa’s mug flanked by two thinning curtains of flat, black hair. Matt felt at his own high widow’s peak. Unfortunately Noonie wasn’t done. “We’ve been having a time with the sink lately. The thing won’t drain. We use the plunger. Drano. What would you do?” Matt chewed the insides of his cheeks. Billy and Lisa looked at each other. “You want to take this?” she asked her husband. “Sure, honey,” Bill cooed, making goo-goo eyes at his big old wifey. Chewing his lip, he made a show of thinking over Noonie’s question. The thought of running over Billy flashed in Matt’s mind despite his determination to avoid ugly-thinking. “Do you have a plumber’s snake?” Billy asked. Lisa nodded as if to say - I knew it - a plumber’s snake. “Uh, no,” Matt said, wondering what that was. With a name like plumber’s snake, maybe he didn’t want to know. Now they were expecting him to multi-task. Billy launched into a long monologue about Matt’s turning off the water somewhere. Then, as far as he could tell, he was supposed to somehow unscrew the pipes under the sink. Lisa

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