Page 26

A Grin at the End

Dear Parrot Heads

Concert etiquette and homework for old duffers

Two events occurred nearly simultaneously this fall. They both A lgotwmeAtoythinking. S AcceptiNg New

and buy one of those $10 margaritas served in the lobby.

pAtieNtS The first wasd whenAI l went I SurANceS AN l tota Jimmy y p eBuffett S oconcert. F iN

The other thing that happened this fall was also a rite of old age. I received an official “Medicare Guidebook” in the mail. At first I thought someone had messed up. I’m way too young for that sort of thing. But the booklet said I need to start doing my homework so I can sign up before I turn 65.

know, what a cliche. An old duffer (me) going to listen to an older duffer (Jimmy).

I was a bit wary of going at first, because most concerts don’t live up to the anticipation. I went to one a few years ago that was terrible. The singer, who shall remain nameless, acted as though she was bored with the whole thing and only talked about her kids, which made me bored, too.

to forget and no taste in fashion, so taking up the P.H.

Lance Large, Kelly Hanh Ramirez, Maria Fife, banner isCarl W Leder, A-OK. I seriouslyMD considered asking forPA-C my money back, except FNP-BC I found mostPA-C P.H.’s to be pretty harmless, but the folks my wife and I left the concert and ran across an Italian festival a few blocks away at Pioneer Square in Portland. The food was great and the music was ten times better than the concert we had left – and it was free. I forgot all about the crappy concert.

who were next to me in the arena were, like a lot of O.D.’s, entitled. They stood up the whole show, so no one behind them could see the stage. All they saw was wave after wave of excess flesh undulating under a blueTreatment of Chronic Illnessand-yellow print shirt. I was hit three times by various unidentified body parts. Ugh. When I got to the Jimmy Buffet venue in Eugene two as Diabetes/Hypertension hours before kickoff, thesuch area had been taken over I had assumed that sort of thoughtlessness was confined by Parrot Heads. For those who don’t recognize the to Costco parking lots, where an O.D. will block a lane Preventative Sports Medicine terminology, a P.H. (Parrot Head) isCare another•word for ten minutes waiting for another O.D. to load his car for O.D. (Old Duffer), except he, or she, is drunk and and vacate the slot. Pediatrics • Geriatrics • Womens’ Health Care wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I guess Jimmy B couldn’t care less who was in the Therapy™ (Physician Weight Loss) WhichFirstLine is fine. If they’re like me, most O.D.’s have aAssisted lot audience, as long as they had forked over the cash to get in

General Medicine

Lance Large, MD

Kelly Hanh Ramirez, PA-C

Medicare is one more example of how the feds can mess up the best of ideas – helping old duffers afford medical care. I read through the booklet a couple of times, and one of my kids asked me what I was doing. “I’m looking for a discount,” I told him. “What sort of discount?” he asked. “For Parrot Heads.” Carl Sampson is an old duffer. He lives in Stayton.

Have your carpets cleaned this December & receive 1 coupon per visit. Minimum charge applies. Residential customers only.

10%off Expires 12-31-17

Maria Fife, FNP-BC


503.769.2641 • 1375 N. 10th Ave., Stayton Hours: Mon-Fri 8am to 4:30pm; Saturday 8am to 4pm

26 • December 2017

Over the years, I have developed what I call a “B.S. Meter” to help me know when someone is trying to jerk me around. In this case, it was the federal government, which, it turns out, jerks around more people that anyone or anything else on the planet.

Holiday Special

5 0 3 . 7 6 9 . 2 6 4 1 •• General 1 3 7 5 NMedicine . 10th Ave., Stayton ofaChronic H o u r s M• oTreatment nday-Frid y 8 a . m .Illness to 4:30 p.m.

such as Diabetes/Hypertension • Preventative Care • Sports Medicine • Pediatrics • Geriatrics • Womens’ Health Care

I waded through the booklet, which read like an IQ test. By the time I was done I felt as though Uncle Sam could take Parts A, B, C and D and shove them up his youknow-what.

Our Town Santiam

Our Town South: Dec. 1, 2017  
Our Town South: Dec. 1, 2017  

Our Town Community News serving Stayton, Sublimity, Aumsville, and the Santiam Canyon