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FAZILLAH I take my mind to the sound of chiming of bells, to the sonorous mellow-pitched rings, the heavenly sounds that makes me doubt my existence and I arrive at the voice of Fazillah, this is how she sounds. The journey to Zaria comes to mind because this is how I met her. The voice of Fazillah holds so much beauty to my hearing. I felt of pure heart being able to listen. I remember looking at her feet and looking away while she spoke for fear that the eyes to the captivating voice be beyond my comprehension. Fazillah, her name is of grace and divergence. Your regular gifted track athlete who trains barefooted. Now this how I embody her essence.

FAZILLAH: Here are clouds not afraid to change. FAZILLAH: When you look at them, you will always find a friend. You are not allowed to be alone, even these ants care. FAZILLAH: The only thing we are good at is change, we cannot retain ourselves. I have a problem Fazillah. FAZILLAH: You have always had yourself. You have to forget you, this way when you seek yourself, you find a new you. FAZILLAH: Life is beautiful even with the pain. These clouds know not where they will fall yet they do not resist change. FAZILLAH: Where are you now? With you Fazillah. FAZILLAH: What you retain of yourself will not avail you now. You continue to repress yourself. FAZILLAH: Why are you yourself? You continue to measure your worth in stillness. There are planes to live in. You cannot run forever. Do you want to be here Fazillah? FAZILLAH: I am here as long as you want me to. Do you want me to be here? My existence is bound to what you choose to become. FAZILLAH: I have begun to tire of your evasiveness. What am I to do Fazillah? FAZILLAH: There may be endless vertigo at the onset of your becoming. FAZILLAH: This paradigm shift is pertinent to you finding something to care about and caring deeply. FAZILLAH: If it is someone, thrust yourself into the endless abyss knowing fully that is solely and entirely your choice. What about you Fazillah? What happens to you? FAZILLAH: ‌ What happens next? You know who you are before change. What if you become what you are not, Fazillah?


FAZILLAH: We are everything we can be. You are alive now. Do you want to become what you are not? It is everything or nothing. Maybe Fazillah, just maybe I am eager to become what I am not. This is only the beginning. Life is beautiful this way. Goodbye.

Fazillah  
Fazillah  

Introspection

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