THURSDAY, APRIL 4, 2019
The Rockaway Times
Page 15
Traveling with Bob and Sandy SOMETIMES IT'S A FLYING CIRCUS By Bob & Sandy Nesoff
Excitement in life is a terrific thing. No life should be humdrum…except when you are flying. The last thing any airline passenger wants to hear is, “Oh my God!” Most airlines, with a notable few, truly try to accommodate the needs of every passenger, especially those who have an unreasonable fear of being where God meant no human being to be…38,000 feet above terra firma. Many passengers have begun taking so-called “emotional support animals” on board. While in some cases that is a necessity, in others, it’s a scam to take a pet on board without placing it in luggage and having to pay an extra fee. A woman showed up at the airport with her “emotional support peacock.” She was told to take a hike. The same held true for the guy with the “emotional support squirrel.” The airline said, “Nuts” to that and now has a policy banning squirrels. One guy failed to give screeners a “heads-up” when he attempted to board a plane with 10 severed heads. We kid you not. Once screeners recovered, it turned out that he was on his way to a medical conference and the heads were needed for demonstration purposes. Passengers on their way to seminars where they are presenters have created problems for airlines. An Israeli security expert in this country, who trains security personnel in dealing with explosives, caused an emotional explosion when a package labeled as a
“Bomb” was found in his luggage. When security finally determined who he was and that the package was of no danger, he was allowed to go on with his “Bomb.” More recently, screeners found a hand grenade in a passenger’s carry-on. After the area was cleared, flights delayed and the wrath of God brought down on the dumbbell’s head, it was determined that the grenade was a souvenir and was inert. There was the character who was discovered with 200 tarantulas hidden in his suitcase. Or the guy who tried to smuggle 51 tropical fish. He had an undergarment with pockets filled with water. He was discovered when security officers actually heard the fish flipping around. One boob of a woman in Barcelona, who attempted to smuggle cocaine aboard an aircraft, had breast implants containing bags of the powder. There were three pounds of the drug when she was uncovered. As bad as these actions were, they pale in comparison to some. There was the woman in Liverpool, England, who attempted to pull a “Weekend at Bernie’s” by bringing her dead husband aboard the plane. She placed him in a wheelchair, hat on his head and sunglasses to conceal that dead man’s stare in his eyes. Must have been cheaper than placing him in a casket in the luggage compartment. There is more...oh so much more. But let’s close with the case of the man who attempted to smuggle $45,000 worth of gold bars onto an airplane, weighing two pounds…in his rectum. Made an ass of himself and was arrested for his efforts. So, next time you think a long flight is boring, check out the guy in the next seat. If he doesn’t move, talk and wears sunglasses, change your seat. Bob Nesoff is an Arverne native and graduate of Far Rockaway High School.
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