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Chas Jackson

ASK CHAS

Hi Diane, I understand where you’re coming from. You never want to scare away a potential mate by brining up the status of your relationship over appetizers on your first date. In the same regard, no woman wants to always be a bridesmaid and never a bride. So when is the right time to bring up the “So what are we?” conversation? Ideally, it’s before sex. It’s before you’ve met each other’s friends. Frankly, it’s before a lot of things. In this world of instant gratification in which we live in, it’s better to know before you’ve completely invested in something all by yourself. Does a title matter? Of course a title matters! You wouldn’t have brought it up if it didn’t matter to you. Humans often tell on themselves. If you simply listen to someone, they’ll reveal a lot of their wants, and aspirations for their lives. This can include whether or not they’re looking to be in a relationship. If a guy’s constantly lavishing in his freedom or bachelorhood, slowly back away while it’s still safe. On the other hand women often want security, at home, on the job and in a relationship. Having a title of girlfriend, fiancé, or wife grants that security in virtually every social setting. No one wants to bring their “special friend” of 5 years around their grandmother. Are we “Just Friends?” Do you go out on dates with your friends? Do you kiss your friends? Are you sleeping with friends? If you answered “No” to any of these questions then there you have it! You are NOT friends with a guy if you’re doing all of that. Now whether or not he wants to shout it from the rooftops, change his relationship status on Facebook, and introduce you to his mama just yet—I’m not sure. Lets not get ahead of our selves. However, don’t downplay those romantic phone calls that last well until the wee hours of the night either. A man wants a confident woman. A lady who knows what she wants in life and in a potential mate. A woman who tip toes around the “What are we?” conversation will be watching all the other couple’s skate alone from the bleachers. So when is the best time to bring it up? The minute you ask yourself, “Am I in a relationship?” is the second you should ask the other person involved. If a man is deliberately making time for you, it’s pretty safe to say you’re his lady. Nowadays, asking the actual question is merely a formality that is not only necessary, it’s reassuring. Put an end to that question mark that’s been looming over your head once and for all. That way you’ll know whether or not to cancel or renew your accounts on those dating sites. 22

Send your relationship questions to askchas@mahogany-magazine.com

When dating, when is the right time to bring up the question about a relationship or commitment?

Does a title really matter? Should three months roll around and you not know whether you are in a relationship or just friends? Diane G. Memphis, TN

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