“We have preconceived notions of what an abuse victim looks like, and you stood here and told us your story, but you don’t look like it.” Angela stood in front of her speechless Speech Class taking in the words of her teacher.
ANGELA T. JONES is an author, publisher, creative entrepreneur, and brand strategist… and she is what a survivor of domestic violence looks like. Domestic violence is an equal opportunity offender, effecting any race, age, class, education level, social status, gender, sexual orientation, or faith. How is that possible? Because the problem isn’t the victim’s, the problem is the abuser. Angela’s life is a world a part now from that abusive relationship of her early 20’s. When asked how it all started, she makes it clear, she wasn’t raised this way and neither was he. She grew up in a hardworking, middle class family with opportunities and ambition. Indulged with ballet classes and classically trained in piano, Angela was raised by her supportive grandparents. They bolstered her self esteem in the face of bullying by showing their tall, skinny, glasses-wearing granddaughter examples of tall women she could admire. As far as self esteem, she had a healthy basin full. Then her grandfather passed when she was 12, just before he could have any talks with her about boys. By 17, an Angela had mothered a son with an immature 21 year old guy from the mall. He was good looking, well dressed, and had self esteem problems… but he was not her abuser. He was just the prototype. She was 23 when she married the man who endangered her. Though he looked different, he had the same insecurities as her son’s father, only worse. Though his parents divorced when he was young, there hadn’t been any abuse in his background. Her father-inlaw even warned her husband to stop abusing her, or else he would intervene. He had never been married and there was no record of domestic violence charges on file. For the first five months of their marriage, everything was harmonious. There were no arguments or verbal abuse. Then one day, he hit her. He apologized, and begged not to be put out of the house and for three years, he wasn’t, even though it happened again and again.
When asked why she stayed, sh “Fear of failure, fear of being a mother. I felt I would be judged single mother. I felt walking aw was failing. I didn’t realize I wa going to be a failure if I left.” When asked how she got up th courage to leave, she said: “I had an epiphany: I said to m ‘you have a lot of control over happens next.’ You’re letting th world have too much say on w best for you.” I realized, if you your story, no one can use you against you.”
During the final year of their marriage, Angela was pregnan twins. Her husband was excite about the babies and didn’t ab her during the time. However, 5 months into the pregnancy, sh into labor. Her son and daught where born and died on the sa day. Somehow, Angela knew h husband had been responsible a few months later, after testin doctor revealed her husband h given her chlamydia which ind early labor. On the morning sh to return to work from materni leave, he husband came home being out all night and shoved into the doorframe bruising he She told him he needed to be g by the time she got home from A PPO and divorce papers wer served by the police.
Angela’s Word’s of Advice:
When a woman experiences Domest Violence and doesn't report it, she's allowing that man to get away with it the future and she doesn't even kno There are situations when it's isolated, usually there’s a pattern. Men count on women to keep their secret as victims. need to do more than post pictures of a we need to name and charge our abus
Published on Oct 3, 2014
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