Page 1

Playmaker: Looking for the Canuck Love

Japanese Develop Urban Camouflage

the newspaper

toronto’s student community paper

Whatever Happened to the Toronto 18? Cancellation of preliminary hearings extends trial of accused

Terrorist Bomb Plot? No... Just a Car

It Ain’t Easy Being Green Jack Layton discusses what individual Canadians can do to combat climate change

By Sean Liliani & Mike Anderson

By Arsheen Devjee On June 2nd 2006, 18 Toronto residents were arrested on terrorism charges. Of the 18 men and boys who were arrested, 9 are currently in the Maplehurst Correctional Complex in Brampton, 3 in Toronto Don Jail, and 6 have had all charges against them dropped. In the 16 months since the arrest, those still in jail have gone through many incidents with the courts and correctional facilities. Having endured 23 hour bouts of isolation and physical abuse from jail guards, the latest ordeal has been the cancellation of preliminary hearings last September. Preliminary trials are held as a way to gauge if there is enough evidence to merit a trial, and for the Toronto 18 and their lawyers, the September 25th hearings would have given them a chance to see what evidence the crown has prepared. Everything raised in court, from evidence to cross examinations, is kept inside the court because of a publication ban, which makes it illegal for anyone to publish material regarding the trial’s proceedings. Despite a publication ban that restricts information from reaching the public, the Crown –after about 2 months of preliminary hearings– decided to cancel the continuation of such proceedings this September. With no exposure to the Crown’s evidence, the accused have been left in the dark concerning the future of their trail. There may have been many reasons for the cancellation of the preliminary hearings; one reason stands out above others: when investigating the Crown’s supposed “star witness”, Mubin Shaikh. In an article published on September 25th 2007 in the

November 1 2007 Vol. XXX No. VIII

On Monday, October 29th 89 Chestnut was shaken at the possibility of a potential bomb. However, there was no bomb. No one was hurt. Toronto Star, Thomas Walkom introduces Mubin Shaikh as the man that can’t be shut up. Despite the publication ban, “he’s been interviewed by the Star, the National Post, the Los Angeles Times, the CBC and most recently the BBC.” In April, Shaikh was arrested by Toronto police in an un-related matter and accused of assault after he supposedly attacked two 12 year old girls. McLean’s magazine has also not been shy of poking fun at Shaikh, when in an October 8th article printed that, “Shaikh has accused the Mounties of stiffing him out of money, told reporters that some of the 18 suspects are innocent, and admitted to Maclean's that he snorted cocaine on the taxpayers' dime.”What does this

mean for the preliminary trial? Perhaps the Crown could not stand its “star witness” turning this historic case into a laughing stock, and thus took matters into their own hands by shutting it down until trial, which will not be starting soon. What does this mean for the Toronto 18? Shaikh’s inability to respect the publication ban means that those whose charges could have been dropped in this preliminary hearing will have to wait until next year to gain their chance at freedom.

the newspaper will be publishing a series of articles which will delineate the happenings and whereabouts of the Toronto 18 since their arrest 16 months ago.

This past week the newspaper sat down with federal NDP leader Jack Layton to talk about environmental policy and the role that all Canadians can play in our planet’s current climate change crisis. With green being the new black these days, it seems that everyone from fashionistas to smart car driving CEOs are on the clean energy bandwagon. But for those of us who think that the pop culture saturation of everything green means the problem is good marketing. But it’s up to behind us, Mr. Layton’s current NGOs and governments to put university tour is here to tell us in place mechanisms so that otherwise. With some disparag- these so called ‘green efforts’ ing remarks for Canada’s cur- are exposed and the ones that rent energy policies, Mr. Layton really work are identified for spoke to UofT students earlier the consumers in a clear way this month to tell us how we are with the energy star program falling short. and things like that”. It turns out that in spite A big part of Layton’s enof an envivironmental ronmentally “...they are realizing that platform infriendlier volves taking consumer if they can wrap them- government culture, the subsidies message is selves in a green patina out of the not getting of some sort it will be oil industry through to and putting good marketing.” decision money into makers. sustainable We asked Mr. Layton what energy development. he thinks of the commercialized We asked him what kind of branding of buzz words like plans the NDP would have in ‘green’, ‘clean’, or ‘sustainabil- store for Canadians if they were ity’ and if there is any way that elected to power. those trying to make a buck off “We say create a fund that the green trend could be dilut- will pay for people to have their ing or discrediting the actual houses renovated and then it can movement. be paid back out of the energy “Everybody’s trying to saving and then that money can climb on board because the be loaned to somebody else. Pepeople are very concerned and ter Tabuns and I have built such they are realizing that if they a fund here in Toronto called can wrap themselves in a green the Toronto Atmospheric Fund patina of some sort it will be See Layton cont. pg. 7

2 the newspaper

1 November 2007


Last Wednesday the newspaper went to the CASBY’s to conduct a few interviews. However, there was one question that needed asking and the newspaper was the one to do it: what the fuck is with this mainstream ska shit?



Last Wednesday I went to the CASBY’s (Canadian Artists Selected By You) to do a few interviews and hopefully find an answer to a question I had been mulling over for the past year or two. In 2005 Bedouin Soundclash released their single ‘When The Night Feels My Song’ and MuchMusic and Toronto mainstream radio played it on heavy rotation until ears were bleeding. Since then, there has been an influx of a ska-based genre of music flooding the airwaves and it was high time I found an explanation for it. At the CASBY’s I found three people who I thought might hold the answer, since they were either actively participating in the genre or just had a reputation for being an intelligent observer of music. I questioned Swav Pior (drummer of Ill Scarlett), Greg Fisher (bassist for Saint Alvia Cartel), and Alan Cross (program director of CFNY in Toronto and the host of The Ongoing History of New Music). This is what I learned.

MySpace it's just become more popular.

the newspaper vs. Swav Pior of Ill Scarlett

the newspaper vs. Greg Fisher of Saint Alvia Cartel

Swav Pior: People have always enjoyed it [ska genre]; it's just been more underground. Now because of the internet and

The newspaper: Is it more of a Canadian/Toronto thing? SP: I don't know man, I don't really pay attention to what's going on outside. Like, the bands I like are the bands I like and it's just about what's popular with the fans. I think a lot of it had to do with Sublime, and now that that's gone other bands are starting to come in and are taking over it …that legacy or whatever you want to call it. The newspaper: Sublime was 10 years ago. There's been this huge gap for that sound.

News Editor Steven Borowiec

Greg Fisher: I think everything goes in cycles and that just seems to be the na-

Managing Editor Sean Liliani Arts Editor Niya Bajaj

Associate Editors Timothy Ryan Art Director Brendan Keen

Serving up a good time Every time since 9T6!

Weekly Events: Man vs. Martini MONDAYS Toonie TUESDAYS

Alan Cross: Ska seems to come in ten and twelve year cycles, and maybe we're just ready for it now. Last time we had a lot of the ska stuff was with Sublime and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones which would be about the middle nineties, which would be about ten or twelve years ago. Then we'd have to go back to the late seventies with the Specials and the English Beat. Before that you'd have to go back to the late sixties, which is where reggae came out of and ska really began in the late fifties in Jamaica. So every twelve years or so we'll see that emergence of ska music.

Open Mike WEDNESDAYS NOW PODCASTING (from our website)

Thirsty THURSDAYS TGIF! (Thank Guinness it’s Friday)


All Day Breakfast and Canadian Tire Money at par every weekend! Game Room with plasma available for groups FREE WIRELESS INTERNET PROVIDED BY:

Copy Editor Rehaana Manek

Contributors Shannon Wheeler, Stephen Notley, Tamika Nguvu-Royes, Sherrie Chang, Arsheen Devjee, Mike Kuo, Tia Maryanne Kim, Mike Anderson, Kevin Vildirim, Elizabeth Hilborn, Stefania Yarhi, Victor Rohm, Garth Mercer, Drew 1 Spadina Crescent, Suite 245 Toronto, Ontario, M5S 1A1

the newspaper vs. Alan Cross of CFNY

SP: Yeah …we got on the radio basically through Barry Taylor who's a really good friend of ours and maybe there's a lot more of it [ska genre] now. I haven't really noticed, because before us Bedouin was the only thing on the radio like it.

the newspaper Editor-in-Chief Joe Zabukovec

ture of the world. Punk rock and it’s offspring has been a steadily growing thing for a long time. And ever since it became popular in the nineties with bands like Blink 182 and the thing that it came from -the whole NOFX and Rancid thing- it sort of spread to a lot of kids. And Sublime was at the head of that too. Since then it's kind of germinated. Now there are actually bands of that ska genre that are actually of a quality that allows them to get on mainstream radio. That's just my perspective.

editorial:(416) 593-1552 fax: (416) 593-0552



the newspaper 3

1 November 2007

Pink Japan

the science

Famed Author and Sex Educator Comes to Innis College By Sherrie Chang On October 23rd I attended a lecture and photo tour on the hidden and often misunderstood world of Japanese sexual culture by the famed author and sex educator, Midori. Held at Innis Town Hall and presented by The Mark S. Bonham Centre for Sexual Diversity Studies and Come As You Are, Midori engaged the audience in a humorous and eye-opening display of the seedier side of Japanese life –Love Hotels, erotic comic books and coffee shops, fetishes, and the oh-so-precariously cute. Midori began her tour by describing the real day-to-day lives of those in Japan; it is a fast-paced, busy country, where people work hard and play even harder. Love Hotels were created to compensate for tiny living spaces and lack of privacy in the home. For as little as $20 US, one can rent a spacious room (of many colourful themes) for themselves and their lover, whether it be a man

Midori’s 2006 novel, Master Han’s Daughter and his mistress, a man and a sex worker, or two women –all without ever having face-to-face contact with another human being.

She illustrated how children and teenagers, for whom every second of their lives are prescribed and private contact with the oppo-

site sex is extremely rare, have their lusts, fantasies, and ideas of sexuality developed through reading erotic comic books and other forms of animation. Just as Maxim magazine instill ideals of the buxom blonde in our society, comic books in Japan instill ideals of females who are extremely cute, innocent, and inexperienced; passive in their sexuality. Specialty coffee shops have servers who attend male gamers dressed as characters from a comic book –a schoolgirl, maid, animal, etc. The fetish for and eroticization of the “cute” is very prevalent in Japanese culture. Weaving the thread of Japanese vs. American culture throughout her exhibit, Midori provided insight on how people react to the environment around them and how narrow our Western bourgeois views of sexuality really are. While all humans have an innate sexual drive, the various manifestations of this drive are boundless.

Timothy Ryan Attempts to Be Scientific But Is Really Just Ranting This week ‘the science’ uses behavioural science to explain the moneyleeching, whore bartender who served me at the CASBY’s Awards. Before I begin, let it be understood that the show was incredible; loaded with one spectacular live performance after another. But I digress… We (‘the science’, editor Joe, and photographerfor-hire Justin) entered the Kool Haus proceeding to use our complementary drink tickets within 10 minutes. Following this, the three of us spontaneously formed a semi-circle, opening toward the bar, the looks on our faces in agreement; we needed to become intoxicated for this great night. Our friendly editor Joe bought the first round, three beers - $14.25 CAD. Remember

that number. Soon after, it was my turn to buy. I approached the bar, behind which was a very attractive bartender. She was tall in her high heels, with long, straight brunette hair that fell beside her face down to her bust. Her artificiallytanned face looked almost Mediterranean, brown eyes bathed in dark makeup, chiselled cheek bones. She was dressed in black, her petite back open, exposing her leopard print bra; she was dressed to work the crowd and make money. But she wasn’t working the crowd. She had a dead and lazy look in her eyes as though she hated every moment of her existence. Finally, it was my See Science cont. pg. 8

The Survivors Project Innis College Hosts Panel Discussion on Hardships African/Caribbean Youth Face in the GTA By Tamika Nguvu-Royes During the Planet in Focus film festival hosted by Innis College from October 24-28, there was a screening of a film entitled The Survivors Project: Voices From the Inside Out created by filmmaker Larc Trotman. Trotman himself has been touched by violence as his brother was murdered in front of their apartment building in Toronto. This tragedy which became a motivating factor for him to reach out to youth he has done via the medium of the visual arts The film enunciated some of the volatile issues that are affecting youth from African and Caribbean communities in Toronto. His film focused on the Rexdale community and followed the life of a current gang member. Following the forty-minute screening there was a riveting panel discussion. The panelists included another regular on the Toronto film scene Suddz Sutherland, Kofi Belfon originally from the Malvern community (a

PhD. Candidate at Guelph), Jaberi Lindsay from Breaking the Cycle Youth Gang Violence Exit & Ambassador Leadership Project, and the moderator Kirk Cooper. One of the issues raised by panelists Jaberi Lindsay summarized the concerns that plague many “at risk” communities in the GTA. He posed the question "Where in Toronto is it okay to be a young person and not be criminalized?" Lindsay only stated what many youth from the African and Caribbean communities encounter on a daily basis: the result of systemic racist practices that continuously uphold stereotypes as reality. Youth in these “at risk” communities realize that their presence is not welcomed and are consistently marginalized and face discrimination on various levels. The panelists highlighted the economic, social, and political problems that exacerbate the problems within these communities. One of the main is-

sues was the impact of the Safe Schools Act that has seen a disproportionate number of youths from the African and Caribbean communities suspended or expelled. This only furthers the alienation of these youth who eventually see the school system as an adversarial combative institution. The panel emphasized the need to create safe receptive spaces for youth to raise their concerns and have their voices heard in supportive non-judgmental environments. Unfortunately, once the discussion became lively and engaging the panelists were hurriedly rushed off the stage and advised that they could use the cafeteria next door to continue the discussion. Obviously, this dampened the atmosphere amongst those in attendance and only served to illustrate the same tensions of needing to be heard in this setting that the youth themselves encounter on a daily basis.

If you could apply yourself one more time, it might be worth it. The Awards of Excellence will once again recognize the achievements of our most outstanding students. Until Monday, November 26, 2007 at 5:00 p.m., the University of Toronto Alumni Association invites students to apply for these 2008 scholarships and awards.




As many as three scholarships of up to $10,000 each for international students in their second, third or fourth year of an undergraduate program. The award recognizes academic performance and extra-curricular leadership.

A scholarship of up to $16,650 awarded to a graduating student demonstrating academic achievement and extra-curricular involvement in his or her undergraduate career.

A fellowship of up to $25,000 recognizing a doctoral candidate, in second or third year, for his or her academic excellence, extra-curricular activities and involvement in university life.

For forms and further information, please visit or contact Ruth Zuchter at 416-978-2171 or Division of University Advancement J. Robert S. Prichard Alumni House 21 King's College Circle

4 the newspaper

1 November 2007

Band Profile: Playmaker

By Tia Maryanne Kim

Fresh from their UK tour Playmaker discusses the lack of support in Canada for up-and-coming bands Their name might insinuate no work and all play, but don’t let that deceive you. This band’s got brains. While other acts seem to support the stereotypical "deadhead garage punk-band" motif, Playmaker is definitely not one of them . "We always knew what we wanted to get out of the business,” declared frontman Chris Barry, sitting at a cluttered Tim Horton’s just beside Lee’s Palace, where his band played at 11pm last weekend. Playmaker was conceived in St. Catharines, On., during Barry’s and bassist Melody Van Schaik’s high school days. Introduced through mutual friends, drummer Eric Hutt, who was banging away by age 12 and playing his first bar gig at just 14, joined the cast. The band, originally titled “The Strange,” underwent several lineup changes and had as many as six members at one point. The shift was the shedding of a musical skin, which saw The Strange start off as straight and rock-laced with pop undertones, and have now evolved to their current sound. Though the three are selfdescribed “metal heads”, their music style mixes a funky fusion of ska, rock, and a disco-y head-bopping tune that is hard to categorize. But this unique sound was something Canadian music fans had never been exposed to. They did discover success with their debut CD Volume 1 selling out its copies on the first day of release, and Chris and Eric even hosted “Strange Catharines", a show on CBC that outlined the music scene in the city. Still, they had a tough time establishing a solid fan base here at home, so after completing a tour of Western Canada,

Playmaker ventured across the Atlantic to play some gigs in England, where Barry was born. “People here are turned off because they can’t immediately pigeonhole [our music]… people like to know what they're getting before they get it," says Barry. The trio feels the people in England are more open-minded compared to Canadian mu-

“The trio feels that people in England are more openminded compared to Canadian music listeners” sic listeners, and these rockers have a mouthful to say about the state of musical politics in our nation today. They insist the music business here is inbred. The Canadian Radio-Television and Telecommunications Commision (CRTC) is a government agency regulates airtime and what constitutes "Canadian content". According to the website, (www. the rules dictate "All radio stations must ensure that 35 per cent of their popular musical selections are Canadian each week," and it's rumoured they may bump that up to 45%

per cent. But just like communism, it's ear-pleasing only in theory. Realistically, these regulations work solely to support the existing state of popular music. What we hear on the radio is our Nickelback and Avril to stay on the "safe" side -the side that doesn't lose anyone money. "Thats why so many bands are struggling to get out. Bands like Metric and Tokyo Police Club failing to catch on globally is shocking; these are bands that should be exploding globally," the lead singer disputes. "The whole point should be to get new music out, "Hutt says. "We've been getting beat over the head by bands like Nickeback and Sum41 for the past 5 years." "How are those bands still wining junos when no one gives a shit about them," adds a frustrated Barry. In 2005, Indie Pool, Toronto band and advocate for distributing independent music services, protested on behalf of Canada's unsigned artists in Ottawa to change the current Canadian content rules to support the country's indie artists. No positive changes have been made to date. Though they voice powerful opinions on Canadian music and are passionate about the dismal state of support for up-and-coming bands, the trio aren't a stuffy serious bunch wallowing in self- pity. With a hearty combination of brains, booze, and a uniting love for good music, Playmaker is aiming for way beyond Canada and England.

Dissed Discs the newspaper reviews some new albums

A Fine Frenzy One Cell in the Sea Alison Sudol is A Fine Frenzy, she’s quite attractive, and her music is generally boring. She’s backed by Virgin Records, so the CD is over-produced and the packaging is very well done. However, for such an artsy presentation she is really laid-back and explicitly mainstream. Soundtracks for chick-flicks and maxi-pad commercials will definitely be knocking at Alison’s door with some dollars. In fact, she is featured in Dan in Real Life in a track with Sondre Lerche already and you can expect more where that came from. She has a wonderful voice and for her first album the quality of writing is impressive. I ex-

pect that her yearly income will be quite high. Virgin has probably invested wisely on this investment. If you feel like giving her disc a listen, then I suggest waiting for a day when you don’t respect yourself. Other than that One Cell in the Sea is about as interesting as -HEY TINFOIL! I just found some tinfoil and it’s SO SHINY. Wow, this is great. I mean you’re just sitting around and all of the sudden you find tinfoil. This is just awesome… what was I talking about before? By Joe Zabukovec

Trigger Effect Dare to Ride the Heliocraft It really is getting easy to break into the Canadian independent music scene these days. It seems that all a band needs to do is write an intelligent, concise album that will both inspire the listener and invite them back to explore the tracks in more depth. With this in mind, the question begging to be asked after listening to the hardcore band Trigger Effect’s Dare to Ride the Heliocraft is “How did this Montreal based band convince a record label to release this album?” Clocking in at the longest 21 minutes ever, the album gives the listener just enough time to ask this question approximately five hundred and thirty seven times. With the legendary band Refused cited as a main influence on this record, Trigger Effect has failed to progress

past the sound of the countless other bands that view hardcore music solely as a means of sonic intimidation. The indistinguishable eleven tracks found on the album all blend into one wave of equally interchangeable distorted guitar riffs and loud gang vocals, while lacking the raw emotion and creativity that has defined the genres definitive releases. Although credit must be given to the band for song titles that seemingly depict scenes from Rob Zombie’s film catalogue (Dropping Acid Into the Eyes of Your Enemy remains a favourite of mine), this album is as forgettable as anything you will hear in what has, otherwise, been an excellent year for music. By Kevin Vildirim

NOTICE OF REFERENDUM CORRECTION: Please note the correction in paragraph 2(b) of the proposal. In the originally published and posted version of this notice, the monetary figure was printed as $16.00. The correct figure, as reflected in this second and revised version of the notice, is $14.25. UTSU elections and referenda administrative staff apologize for the error.

The University of Toronto Students’ Union (UTSU) will be holding a referendum in conjunction with UTSU’s fall 2007 by-elections. Those eligible to vote in the referendum are members of UTSU, including full-time undergraduate students, registered at the St. George campus. PROPOSAL & QUESTION

BACKGROUND The St. George campus of the University of Toronto is one of the only Canadian university campuses without a large studentcentred community facility. Students at the Mississauga (UTM) and Scarborough (UTSC) campuses both enjoy one – but students at St. George do not. In 2005, the University of Toronto Students’ Union (UTSU, formerly the Students’ Administrative Council) conducted a plebiscite and found that a majority of students voted in favour of building and financially contributing towards such a facility. An interim project planning report, approved by the University’s Governing Council on June 25, 2007, describes a “Student Commons” facility that would provide the following kinds of space and services: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

24-hour student space commuter space prayer space club offices and space lounge space study space meeting rooms healthy, affordable and diverse food options (e.g., Halal, Kosher, vegan) rehearsal space used bookstore large multi-purpose space offices for student organizations food bank workshop and design space bicycle repair space space to sell discounted TTC Metropasses for longer periods of time space to provide UTSU services more effectively and efficiently

The Student Commons would be managed, operated, and governed by students – therefore protecting the Student Commons from commercialization, corporatization, and privatization. UTSU envisions the Student Commons as a nexus of student community, co-operation, and communication. The Student Commons would be built with a view to achieving Leadership in Energy and Environmental Design (LEED) certification. The Student Commons would be an accessible facility. The University has conditionally approved construction of the Student Commons on “site 12,” located on the west side of Devonshire Place, just south of Bloor Street. It is expected that construction would commence in September, 2008.

UTSU is seeking the support of its members registered at the St. George campus to demonstrate that we are fully committed to contributing financially towards the construction and operation of the Student Commons. The proposed student levies being requested would be less than the similar levies being paid by UTM and UTSC students. The University would match student contributions to the Student Commons at a minimum rate of 50%.

VOTING PERIOD Wednesday, October 31 to Friday, November 2, 2007 9:00 am - 6:00 pm, daily

VOTING LOCATIONS Alumni Hall (St. Michael’s College) Medical Sciences Building, Stone Lobby Sidney Smith Hall, lobby Trinity College, Larkin Building Warren Stevens Building (Athletic Centre) Woodsworth College Residence

Be it resolved that: 1. Every member of the University of Toronto Students’ Union (“UTSU”)* registered at the St. George campus (“St. George Member”) shall contribute financially to a Student Commons facility (“Student Commons”) on the express condition that the Student Commons shall be managed, operated, and governed by students through UTSU. 2. For construction costs of the Student Commons: (a) beginning in the summer session of 2008, and until the opening of the Student Commons, every St. George Member shall contribute up to $5.00 per session; and, (b) upon opening of the Student Commons, for a period of no more than 25 years, every St. George Member shall contribute up to $14.25 per session. 3. For operating and capital renewal costs of the Student Commons, upon opening of the Student Commons, every St. George Member shall contribute up to $6.50 per session. 4. Financial contributions collected from St. George Members for operating and capital costs of the Student Commons shall be adjusted annually to a maximum of ten percent (10%) in order to address inflationary cost increases.

Are you in favour of the proposal, as appearing above? o




* NB. “University of Toronto Students’ Union” and/or “UTSU” refers to the Students’ Administrative Council of the University of Toronto, Inc.

News, information, updates, and official notices in relation to the referendum, including any changes relevant to this notice, will be posted to the UTSU website ( Please note that advocating committees are required to register in accordance with UTSU’s Charter for Referenda. Inquiries should be directed to UTSU’s Chief Returning Officer by telephone (416-978-4911 x 228) or via e-mail ( Please note that, at the time of this publication, “University of Toronto Students’ Union” and/or “UTSU” refers to the Students’ Administrative Council of the University of Toronto, Inc. (“SAC”).

Approved by the Chief Returning Officer of the University of Toronto Students’ Union (SAC), October 2007


1 November 2007

the newspaper 7

On This Side of the Page... On This Side of the Page... Elizabeth Hilborn Tia Maryanne Kim Bravely Defends the Viciously Attacks the Soup-Strainer Flavour-Saver become more dynamic like Martin Luther King Jr. Or maybe you’ll be more creative, like Mark Twain or Frida Kahlo, or more entertaining, like Charlie Chaplin, Jimi Hendrix or even Sonny Bono. Embrace Mr. Tickles, the push-broom, the cookie-duster and the cum-catcher, because a moustache by another other name looks just as sweet.

Exactly two thousand, three hundred and seven years ago, something nasty happened that would come to haunt our precious souls here and now in the 21st century. This phenomenon, the enemy of style and class, eventually bore the name ‘The Moustache’ and was born into this world by the Scythians, a nation of horse-riding Eurasian nomads back in 300 B.C. This hideous, fuzzy cesspool leeches itself onto the intricately curved

Illustration by Ryan James Terry

The handlebar. The Dali. The Fu Manchu. The porn star. Whatever you call it, the moustache is bold, different and hilarious. Loosely defined as “hair grown above the upper lip”, moustaches come in all colours, shapes and sizes. Some are trimmed, while others are outright unruly. Once a symbol of military rank, the moustache is now considered a sign of masculinity or virility. It can also create an aura of mystery, or it can just make you look awesome. Pop culture icons Hulk Hogan, Borat, Mario, Wario and Luigi all have moustaches. Beloved hockey players Wendel Clark and Lanny Macdonald became famed for their adventurous mos. Without the ‘stache, Tom Selleck would have no career, and the world would have no Magnum P.I. Geraldo without his moustache would just be Maury Povich. The Groucho Marx Halloween costume would just be a pair of glasses and a nose. Unfortunately, the moustache has faced discrimination over the years. Uber-villains Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein, and Joseph Stalin all had mouth-brows and the moustache has also developed a strong association with child molesters. This discrimination can cause people to forget that some of history’s greatest minds, bodies and souls also sported moustaches; Einstein, Nietzsche and Ghandi all had impressive soup-strainers. Past and present sex symbols Clark Gable and Johnny Depp sport lip-ticklers and are sexier for it. Growing a moustache is a choice, and the right one at that. It can give your face that extra something it’s been looking for (and probably desperately needing). What would Ned Flanders be without his nose-neighbour? Or Ron Jeremy without his flavour-saver? To those opposed to moustaches, I ask you to seriously reconsider. Take a vacation from yourself and make an appointment with Dr. Fuzzenstein. Once you start growing your moustache you may find that you’ve got more in common with other famed moustache greats. Perhaps you’ll

edges of the human’s upper lip, inhabiting its host body and brainwashing its victims into believing the ‘stache’ was something of stature and sexiness. Throughout its history, our furry enemy evolved itself into various species. Notable ones include the following: the “Handlebar” – bushy and dropping alongside the mouth to the lowest limits of the chin; the “Pencil or Mouthbrow” – narrow and straight like a pencil (hence the name); and, the “Toothbrush” – nothing more than a bold and thick inch-wide chunk in the middle. The case of the world’s deadliest and most dangerous strain of moustache came to us from Ahmedabad, India, living on the lips of Bajansinh Juwansinh Gurjar and measuring 12 feet 6 inches long in 2004. It had not been cut for 22 years and was the longest and most ferociously uncontrollable moustache ever recorded in history. Ew! These tragic cases like the one of Mr. Gurjar, took the lives of regular earthlings, and historical figures of our society as well, such as Adolf Hitler, Charlie Chaplin, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Frieda Kahlo. Fortunately for the good of human race, the presence of this vile monster has steadily declined throughout the years. With the discovery of the “’Stache’ Serum” in the underground laboratories of Transylvanian castles, the general population has firmly developed an anti-mustache mentality, exhibited through our cultures growing army of lip-fur protestors. Nowadays, any human beings chillin’ the streets of Toronto sporting a “muzzy” (as known by our chums in Liverpool) shall be banished from society. The prickly beasts are the trademark of villains and badboys of films and TV shows, and the mandatory must-have accessory for pedophiles and creepsters across the world. Log on to to vote for the winner. Come back next week for the results!

Jack Layton and His Moustache Talk About Environmental Policy Layton cont. from pg. 1 and something called the Better Building Partnership.” Our conversation with Jack confirmed suspicions that the technology and know-how is out there, it’s just not being used. One of the major problems with the issue of climate change is that any progress is often held back by the pettiness

of partisan politics. We asked Jack what it’s like dealing with the Conservative party and if there is any hope in working with them: “I went to them right off the bat with our five point plan. The Conservatives don’t believe in the direction we’re recommending and were quite clear in saying so. The government must be changed. That’s why

we voted against the speech from the throne; we think the government must be changed and we would like to convince people that that’s essential”. On the whole Mr. Layton and his moustache are correct but when it comes down to it he is just another politician who speaks the language of partisan politics. This is not an issue that should be versed in terms of

NDP vs. Conservative, left vs. right or us vs. them. It will be a cold day in hell (climate change reference intended) when the NDP is elected to power so it is up to the average citizen to advocate, protest and work with the decision makers who are now in power in order to properly fight climate change.

8 the newspaper

1 November 2007

The Smallest Bits of Story Ending the narrative at the appropriate time instead of letting it run on and on and on and on and... By Niya Bajaj


On October 26th and 27th Trinity College hosted “Particles of Narrative,” a conference focused on the use of language and metaphor in children’s literature. Organized by Dr. Deirdre Baker, the conference featured prestigious young adult authors who primarily pen fantasy tales, thus sharing both passion and understanding for the semi-scientific aspects of engaging writing. Philip Pullman, of The Golden Compass and His Dark Materials fame, delivered the opening address with Poco a Poco: The Fundamental Particles of Narrative, outlining his recipe for a powerful and engaging narrative. He encouraged writers to take a formulaic, almost scientific approach by building a narrative around the smallest units of life. This can include something as simple as pouring water into a glass, which he demonstrated on stage and which was imitated by the following presenters. Kenneth Oppel, responsible for Silverwing, Redwing, and Darkwing, bravely argued both in favour and against sequels and prequels, saying they can be merely an easy way to make money, but can also be an avenue for character development. He also amusingly remarked that if done improperly, the sequel/ prequel may backfire because children often have an innate sense of where a story should

Other notable speakers included Meghan Whalen Turner, who said rather strikingly “a good fantasy is that which shows us something is a metaphor that helps you deal with things that are difficult in the world around you...and it helps you grow up.” She raises a crucial idea about children’s literature, insisting that a good author not only helps their readers grow, but also tells stories that grow through their readers. Other interesting speakers included Sarah Ellis, Professor Linda Hutcheon and Mark Turner, a rather unexpected addition from the Cognitive Science Department at Case Western Reserve University. Scene stealer and final presenter, Tim Wynne Jones was probably the most impressive act of the weekend. With his amusingly titled “Entropy Means Nothing to Me”, Wynne Jones emphasized the importance of metaphor, as a crucial ingredient to any good story and a source of order and comfort to readers and writers alike. Overall, the conference, appropriately scheduled just before National Novel Writing Month – November – likely inspired a number of participants to try their hand at incorporating metaphors more actively into their lives and into their writing.

Toronto Fashion Week Come one, come all! By Stefania Yarhi A big ol’ tent. Fashionistas and victims alike had to look no further than Nathan Phillip’s Square for Spring 2008 style. Executive Director, Robin Kay, of the FDCC (Fashion Design Council of Canada), says that this tent has catapulted Toronto’s industry into the international sphere. Never before has Toronto centralized its shows; and as tacky as a big tent may seem it was nothing but très chic on the inside. Greeted by doormen on your way in directly to your left Jeanne Beker of Fashion Television had set up camp interviewing designers and models before and after the shows. Having everything all at one locale made it accessible and media wasn’t scrambling around the city from one runway to another frantically. Another first for Toronto’s fashion week was the maroon pass for general admittance. This was the first week that the FDCC opened its doors to the public—aside from closing the barriers between the insiders and the outsiders, the passes have helped with the funding of the event and those to come. Unfortunately, despite the Industry pass, there were still some shows that were just outside my reach. The jumpstart to the week, Monday the 21st, was industry insiders only kick-started by Tevrow+Chase, sponsor Joe Fresh, and the hushhush finale of Project Runway. Overall the collections

were lackluster, boring and the furthest thing from innovative fashion-forward designs. The crowd pleasers were definitely the younger, more urban and “underground” designers that put on a spectacle. Damzels in this Dress, GSUS Sindustries, Joeffer Caoc, Nada Yousif, and Bustle were this lass’ favorites. Spring is all about bright, fresh blocks of colour with a side of rock ‘n roll. Half the fun of a fashion show is the show, the clothes are the raison d’être. Once you’ve got everyone there you may as well entertain them—it makes for lasting impressions. One big pet-peeve is asking models to do more than just walk: do not under any circumstances ask them to act, please. Instead of complaining about Toronto’s fashion week not being international let’s just keep pushing it and making it bigger. The tent was a step in the right direction and now the major plan of action should be getting our Canadian ex-pat designers back to show. Dean and Dan Caten of D Squared should be showing here—or at least making guest appearances. There was a new-and-improved patented white paint specially formulated by Para Paint to perish away skid marks. Unfortunately the guys never tried to walk on the shiny paint before they painted the runway with it. Models were flying all over the place, one poor girl fell twice, coming out and going

back in, almost knocking off her fake eyelashes. The shows were a who’s who of the Toronto scene. The runway was flocked by MTV hosts and MuchMusic VJs— along with other on-air personalities. Jeanne Beker the Queen of fashion, our own Anna Wintour shall I say. It was great to see Toronto all-out in it’s Sunday Best lookin’ all fine. The fashion industry is such an insiders’ game. I walked in the Tuesday evening and felt so out of place. Funnily enough after a couple of nights of shooting straight over to the shows after a full day at the office I felt like I belonged; even begrudging all the “general” passes (the general public who just got in the way). The tent made viewing multiple shows really easy. It could stand to be bigger because all the sponsor kiosks and bar and V.I.P. and media lounges took up a fair share of milling room. The shows ran smoothly without too many hold-ups the schedule was adhered to. The big test is now for the Fall 2008 shows in March of the same year. Everyone’s already wondering where will the tent be this time? (Robin let it slip that there will be another tent.) Who will be showing in the Fall shows now that the international submissions have been pouring in. It’s a waiting game and the question is what colour will be the new black?

Timothy Ryan Uses the Scientific Term “Money-Stealing Whore” Science cont. from pg. 3 turn to be served, she informed me of this not by asking me what I would like but simply resting her hand on the bar, and pointing at me. I ordered three beers and placed a $20 bill on the bar. She gave me the beer, took my money and returned with two loonies, which she kept in her hand, looking at me as if to say, “You’re not going to take two dollars change are you?” And I certainly wasn’t. Thus, I turned and walked back to my group and I realized the little whore charged me $18 dollars. I looked at Joe and asked what he paid; he reassured me of the number mentioned that I had asked you to remember. At this point I was fucking livid.

It’s no wonder she is making no effort to work the crowd, let alone ask them for their order using English words; the bitch is tipping herself with other people’s money. I look at Joe and Justin and I instruct them to shot-gun their beers. I need to get another round -and by “another round” I mean get my two cents in with this wench (without being removed from the awards show). I approach the bar, another $20 in my hand. She makes lazy and stupid eye contact with me and I inquire with a sarcastic look on my face, “How much are three cans of Canadian?” Wench: “18 dollars.” the science: “That’s funny, because that bartender beside you is charging $14.25.” (Awkward

pause.)“Is this a different bar from where that other bartender is standing 6 feet away?” Wench: “Yeah.” I leaned across the bar and said loud enough so that only the two of us could hear, “You’re not that hot.” With a look surprise and disgust she stormed away. This is science: behavioural science. And although it isn’t equation manipulating, number crunching work yielding quantitative results, it is the science of our daily lives; the science of common sense which unfortunately isn’t so common. In particular, this activity was a demonstration of neural-decision sciences which studies the cognitive processes involved in decision making in higher

organisms. So what makes one bartender rip people off while others do not? There are four factors that contribute to this bartender’s behaviour. The first is genetics; she is not a bright individual. The second is attitude, which is developed through the lessons one is taught throughout their life. It is the degree to which the individual has a favourable or unfavourable evaluation of the behaviour in question. Your parents instill most of this attitude upon you during your childhood years. Thirdly, there may be circumstances that cause her to justify her behaviour to herself; the only explanation that I could potentially tolerate. Finally, social norms can play a

role, specifically the influences that social (or peer) pressure has on the individual, causing them to perform the behaviour or refrain from doing so. This obviously wasn’t a contributing factor because she was the only bartender tipping herself. In conclusion, no one can be exactly sure of what makes people come to the decisions they make. That’s why these behavioural sciences must be taken with a grain of salt. There are so many variables involved in the behaviours we display each day. But please, don’t be a money-stealing whore.

UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO STUDENTS’ UNION (Students’ Administrative Council of the University of Toronto, Inc.)

NOTICE OF ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING The Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the University of Toronto Students’ Union (U.T.S.U.) is scheduled for November 15, 2007, beginning at 6:00 pm, in room 2117 of Sidney Smith Hall (100 St. George St., Toronto). The complete AGM agenda, including any proposed amendments to U.T.S.U.’s Letters Patent and bylaws, will be available on the U.T.S.U. website ( U.T.S.U.’s audited financial statements for the 2006-2007 period, as reproduced below, will be on the agenda for receipt. The complete set of audited financial statements, including accompanying notes, is available on the

U.T.S.U. website. Auditors for the current period (2007-2008) are to be appointed at the AGM. AGM information, including news, updates, corrections or changes will be posted to the U.T.S.U. website ( For information, U.T.S.U. members, including full-time undergraduate students registered at the St. George and UTM campuses, may contact either Faraz Siddiqui, Vice-President Internal and Services (, or Andréa Armborst, President (president@ Telephone: (416) 978-4911. UTSU head office: 12 Hart House Circle, Toronto, Ontario, M5S 3J9. STUDENTS’ ADMINISTRATIVE COUNCIL OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO Balance Sheet as at April 30

General Fund

Current assets Cash $ 2,850,168 Short-term investments (note 3 and 9) 1,044,000 Accounts receivable 88,888 Inventory 24,833 Prepaid expenses and deposits 37,951 Due from General Fund and Wheelchair Access Fund (note 4) Due from General Fund (note 4) -

To the Members of Students’ Administrative Council of the University of Toronto We have audited the balance sheet of Students’ Administrative Council of the University of Toronto as at April 30, 2007 and the statements of operations and changes in fund balances and cash flows for the year then ended. These financial statements are the responsibility of the Organization’s management. Our responsibility is to express an opinion on these financial statements based on our audit.

4,045,840 Investments Equipment (note 5)

We conducted our audit in accordance with Canadian generally accepted auditing standards. Those standards require that we plan and perform an audit to obtain reasonable assurance whether the financial statements are free of material misstatement. An audit includes examining, on a test basis, evidence supporting the amounts and disclosures in the financial statements. An audit also includes assessing the accounting principles used and significant estimates made by management, as well as evaluating the overall financial statement presentation.

52,639 $ 4,098,479

Current liabilities Accounts payable and accrued liabilities $ 2,795,581 Canadian Federation of Students membership fees payable (note 6) 1,169,337 Due to Wheelchair Access Endowment Fund (note 4) 6,479 Due to Wheelchair Access Fund (note 4) 3,971,397 Fund balances Invested in property and equipment Externally restricted Internally restricted Unrestricted

Chartered Accountants, Licensed Public Accountants July 19, 2007

52,639 39,000 35,443 127,082


536,515 -









158,758 2,697,406 227,674 2,610 24,680



431,304 31,105


$ 5,161,692

$ 3,730,893





$ 2,795,581

$ 2,078,696

















(3,338) -

536,515 -






$ 5,161,692

$ 3,730,893


52,639 (3,338) 575,515 35,443

31,105 582,266 (204,138)

See accompanying notes


(1,098,668) 1,507,901

536,515 -

251,026 409,233







$ 3,376,866 1,044,000 88,888 24,833 37,951



5,799,793 1,808,203 7,632,982


17,799,042 9,665


7,628,061 7,618,054 -

974,231 346,804 189,711 174,305 115,382 32,242 185,490 258,000

2,552,927 9,665


9,665 421,639




4,566,697 1,785,782 5,955,526

782,911 382,425 179,640 202,485 122,508 23,608 221,308 108,917

6,383,975 5,943,376



$ -

General Fund


105,211 431,304



Operating activities Excess (deficiency) of revenue over expenses Items not involving cash Amortization Gain from sale of investments

(6,089) 157,051

(3,338) $

(154,300) 150,962


32,242 (18,151)


Wheelchair Access Fund


Wheelchair Access Endowment Fund (note 2)






32,242 (123,362)






138,786 (22,223) (13,271)





$ (1,098,668) 23,608 (16,505) (1,091,565)

217,041 46,197 652,177
















Cash flows from operating activities






Investing activities Investments (short-term and long-term) Purchase of equipment

1,671,557 (53,776)


536,515 -

2,208,072 (53,776)

(1,429,040) (38,366)


(198,036) 1,085,608 -

See accompanying notes

Excess (deficiency) of revenue over expenses Fund balance, beginning of year

Expenses Operating Human resources Administration and office Clubs support Orientation Campaigns, projects and events Amortization Services and programs Wheelchair accessibility projects

Health and dental plan premiums Health and dental plan opt-out refunds TTC Metropass program Canadian Federation of Students membership fees (note 6)



942,800 389,962 206,250 169,525 125,750 236,944 -


300,115 (173,033)




1,085,608 30,873



5,799,793 1,808,203 7,632,982

974,231 346,804 189,711 174,305 115,382 32,242 185,490 -



Changes in non-cash working capital items Accounts receivable 138,786 Inventory (22,223) Prepaid expenses and deposits (13,271) Accounts payable and accrued liabilities 725,702 Canadian Federation of Students membership fees payable 83,729 Due to/from Wheelchair Access Fund (157,356) Due to/from Wheelchair Access Endowment Fund 6,479

(173,033) $

(1,102,244) 929,211



108,953 258,000 1,914,849

4,566,697 1,785,782 5,955,526


36 108,917



258,000 782,911 382,389 179,640 202,485 122,508 23,608 221,308 -


102,864 103,700 14,206,218











105,211 102,864 103,700

6,383,975 5,943,376

1,878,867 2,344,016

7,628,061 7,618,054

2,129,731 Health and dental plan premiums TTC Metropass program

Fund balance, end of year

1,007,436 279,210 134,536 202,379 115,872 112,061 85,183 54,719 1,374,886 364,137 157,291 203,944 98,827 248,430 99,513 5,899 9,665 $ 105,211 $ 88,004 14,860 $ 88,671 15,029 $ 1,007,436 279,210 134,536 114,375 115,872 87,536 85,183 54,719 $ 1,374,886 364,137 157,291 115,273 98,827 128,190 99,513 5,899 1,303,874 $ 264,800 157,583 110,200 128,546 55,000 105,728 4,000 $ Revenue Operating Membership fees Health and dental administration Convocation rentals Designated fees Orientation Investment income Services and programs Miscellaneous/other

526,698 -

Statement of Cash Flows Year Ended April 30


2007 Wheelchair Access Endowment Fund 2007 2006 (note 2) Wheelchair Access Fund 2007 2006 2006 Actual 2007






$ 4,098,479

Budget 2007 (unaudited)



In our opinion, these financial statements present fairly, in all material respects, the financial position of the Organization as at April 30, 2007 and the results of its operations and its cash flows for the year then ended in accordance with Canadian generally accepted accounting principles.

Statement of Operations and Changes in Fund Balance Year Ended April 30 General Fund

2007 Wheelchair Access Endowment Fund (note 2)


Auditors’ Report


Wheelchair Access Fund

Cash flows from investing activities






Net increase in cash










$ 2,850,168



$ 3,376,866

Cash, beginning of year Cash, end of year

See accompanying notes

914,742 $




1°/°-°1°Ê1/ÊUÊ-ÌÕ`i˜ÌÊ i˜ÌÀiÊ,œœ“Ê££x /i\ʙäx‡nÓn‡x{™{ÊUÊ “>ˆ\ÊÕ̓JÕÌÃÕ°V>






"ÕÀÊVœ˜ÌÀ>VÌÊ܈̅Ê̅iÊ// ÊvÀiiâiÃʜÕÀÊiÌÀœ«>ÃÃÊ«ÀˆViÊ՘̈ÊˆÌÃÊiÝ«ˆÀÞʈ˜Ê>˜Õ>ÀÞÊ Óään°Ê/…iÊ// ʅ>Ãʈ˜vœÀ“i`ÊÕÃʜvÊ>Ê«ÀˆViʈ˜VÀi>ÃiÊ̜Êf™È°ääÊ«iÀÊiÌÀœ«>ÃÃ]ÊivviV̈Ûi ˆ˜Ê iVi“LiÀÊvœÀÊ>˜Õ>ÀÞÊiÌÀœ«>ÃÃÊÃ>ið

"V̜LiÀÊΣ]Ê œÛi“LiÀÊ£]Ê œÛi“LiÀÊÓ 1°/°-°1°Ê«Àœ«œÃi`Ê>ÊÀiviÀi˜`ՓÊ̜Ê̅iÊ-Ì°ÊiœÀ}iʓi“LiÀÃÊ̜ÊÃÕ««œÀÌÊ>ʏiÛÞÊ ÌœÊ…i«ÊLՈ`Ê>Ê-ÌÕ`i˜ÌÊ œ““œ˜Ã°Ê/…iÊLՈ`ˆ˜}Ê܈ÊLiʓ>˜>}i`]ʜ«iÀ>Ìi`Ê>˜`Ê }œÛiÀ˜i`ÊLÞÊÃÌÕ`i˜ÌÃÊqÊ«ÀœÌiV̈˜}Ê̅iÊ-ÌÕ`i˜ÌÊ œ““œ˜ÃÊvÀœ“ÊVœ““iÀVˆ>ˆâ>̈œ˜]Ê VœÀ«œÀ>̈â>̈œ˜]Ê>˜`Ê«ÀˆÛ>̈â>̈œ˜°ÊÌÊ܈ÊLiÊ>ʘiÝÕÃʜvÊVœ““Õ˜ˆÌÞ]ÊVœœ«iÀ>̈œ˜]Ê >˜`ÊVœ““Õ˜ˆV>̈œ˜]Ê«ÀœÛˆ`ˆ˜}Êë>ViÊvœÀÊÃÌÕ`i˜Ìð

// ÊiÌÀœ«>ÃÃiÃÊ>ÀiÊ܏`Ê`ÕÀˆ˜}Ê̅iʏ>ÃÌÊxÊLÕȘiÃÃÊ`>ÞÃʜvÊi>V…Ê“œ˜Ì…ÊvÀœ“Ê £ä\ääÊ>“Ê̜ÊÈ\ääÊ«“°ÊœÀÊ>ÊvՏÊˆÃÌʜvÊÃ>iÃÊ`>ÌiÃ]ʏœV>̈œ˜Ã]Ê>˜`ÊÀՏiÃÊ«i>ÃiÊۈÈÌÊ ÜÜÜ°ÕÌÃÕ°V>Ê>˜`ÊVˆVŽÊº// ÊiÌÀœ«>Ãû°

Ó{‡"1,Ê-/1 /Ê-* ÊUÊ 1 Ê" -ÊUÊ "1/ ,Ê-* ÊUÊ*,9 ,Ê-*


"1  Ê-* ÊUÊ-/1 9Ê-* ÊUÊ"" Ê  ÊUÊ / Ê,""-ÊUÊ,  ,-Ê-* 1- Ê ""-/", ÊUÊ  9  Ê, *,Ê-"*ÊUÊ, Ê1/‡*1,*"- Ê-* 7",-"*Ê Ê -

Ê-* ÊUÊ" -Ê",Ê-/1 /Ê",

</" -

 /9Ê",   Ê 6 ,- Ê"" Ê"*/" -ÊUÊ "Ê// Ê /,"*--Ê ", Ê-/1 /Ê- ,6 -


1°/°-°1°‡Ã«œ˜ÃœÀi`Êœœ`Ê>˜`Ê œÌ…ˆ˜}Ê >˜ŽÊ­-Ì°ÊiœÀ}i®ÊˆÃʜ«i˜ÊiÛiÀÞÊÀˆ`>ÞÊvÀœ“Ê £Ó\ääÊ̜ÊÎ\ääÊ«“°Ê,œœ“Êxä]Ê iÜÊ œi}i½ÃÊ7i̓œÀiÊ>°Ê­L>Ãi“i˜Ì® *i>Ãiʍœˆ˜ÊÕÃʜ˜Ê7i`˜iÃ`>Þ]Ê iVi“LiÀÊxÊ>ÌÊ>ÀÌÊœÕÃiÊvœÀÊ̅iÊÈÝ̅Ê>˜˜Õ>ÊÀi>`ˆ˜} œvÊÊ …ÀˆÃ̓>ÃÊ >Àœ°ÊÊ«ÀœVii`ÃÊ܈ÊLiÊ`œ˜>Ìi`Ê̜Ê̅iÊvœœ`Ê>˜`ÊVœÌ…ˆ˜}ÊL>˜Ž°

EFK@:<ÛF=Û8EEL8CÛ><E<I8CÛD<<K@E> /…iʘ˜Õ>Êi˜iÀ>Êiï˜}Ê­®ÊœvÊ̅iÊ1˜ˆÛiÀÈÌÞʜvÊ/œÀœ˜ÌœÊ-ÌÕ`i˜ÌýÊ1˜ˆœ˜Ê­1°/°-°1°®ÊˆÃÊÃV…i`Տi`ÊvœÀÊ œÛi“LiÀÊ£x]ÊÓääÇ]ÊLi}ˆ˜˜ˆ˜}Ê>ÌÊÈ\ääÊ«“]ʈ˜ÊÀœœ“ÊÓ££ÇʜvÊ -ˆ`˜iÞÊ-“ˆÌ…Ê>Ê­£ääÊ-Ì°ÊiœÀ}iÊ-Ì°]Ê/œÀœ˜Ìœ®° /…iÊVœ“«iÌiÊÊ>}i˜`>]ʈ˜VÕ`ˆ˜}Ê>˜ÞÊ«Àœ«œÃi`Ê>“i˜`“i˜ÌÃÊ̜Ê1°/°-°1°½ÃÊiÌÌiÀÃÊ*>Ìi˜ÌÊ>˜`ÊLޏ>ÜÃ]Ê܈ÊLiÊ>Û>ˆ>Liʜ˜Ê̅iÊ1°/°-°1°ÊÜiLÈÌiÊ­ÜÜÜ°ÕÌÃÕ°V>®°Ê 1°/°-°1°½ÃÊ>Õ`ˆÌi`Êwʘ>˜Vˆ>ÊÃÌ>Ìi“i˜ÌÃÊvœÀÊ̅iÊÓääȇÓääÇÊ«iÀˆœ`Ê܈ÊLiʜ˜Ê̅iÊ>}i˜`>ÊvœÀÊÀiViˆ«Ì°Ê/…iÊVœ“«iÌiÊÃiÌʜvÊ>Õ`ˆÌi`Êwʘ>˜Vˆ>ÊÃÌ>Ìi“i˜ÌÃ]ʈ˜VÕ`ˆ˜}Ê>VVœ“«>˜Þˆ˜} ˜œÌiÃ]ʈÃÊ>Û>ˆ>Liʜ˜Ê̅iÊ1°/°-°1°ÊÜiLÈÌi°ÊÕ`ˆÌœÀÃÊvœÀÊ̅iÊVÕÀÀi˜ÌÊ«iÀˆœ`Ê­ÓääLJÓään®Ê>ÀiÊ̜ÊLiÊ>««œˆ˜Ìi`Ê>ÌÊ̅iÊ° ʈ˜vœÀ“>̈œ˜]ʈ˜VÕ`ˆ˜}ʘiÜÃ]ÊÕ«`>ÌiÃ]ÊVœÀÀiV̈œ˜ÃʜÀÊV…>˜}iÃÊ܈ÊLiÊ«œÃÌi`Ê̜Ê̅iÊ1°/°-°1°ÊÜiLÈÌiÊ­ÜÜÜ°ÕÌÃÕ°V>®°ÊœÀʓœÀiʈ˜vœÀ“>̈œ˜]ÊVœ˜Ì>VÌÊiˆÌ…iÀÊ>À>âÊ-ˆ``ˆµÕˆ] 6ˆVi‡*ÀiÈ`i˜ÌʘÌiÀ˜>Ê>˜`Ê-iÀۈViÃÊ­Û«ˆ˜ÌiÀ˜>JÕÌÃÕ°V>®]ʜÀʘ`Àj>ÊÀ“LœÀÃÌ]Ê*ÀiÈ`i˜ÌÊ­«ÀiÈ`i˜ÌJÕÌÃÕ°V>®°Ê/ii«…œ˜i\Ê­{£È®Ê™Çn‡{™££°Ê1/-1ʅi>`ʜvwÊVi\Ê£ÓÊ>ÀÌÊ œÕÃiÊ ˆÀVi]Ê/œÀœ˜Ìœ]Ê"˜Ì>Àˆœ]Êx-ÊΙ° *i>ÃiʘœÌiÊ̅>Ì]Ê>ÌÊ̅iÊ̈“iʜvÊ̅ˆÃÊ«ÕLˆV>̈œ˜]ʺ1˜ˆÛiÀÈÌÞʜvÊ/œÀœ˜ÌœÊ-ÌÕ`i˜ÌýÊ1˜ˆœ˜»Ê>˜`ɜÀʺ1°/°-°1°»ÊÀiviÀÃÊ̜Ê̅iÊ-ÌÕ`i˜ÌýÊ`“ˆ˜ˆÃÌÀ>̈ÛiÊ œÕ˜VˆÊœvÊ̅iÊ1˜ˆÛiÀÈÌÞÊ œvÊ/œÀœ˜Ìœ]ʘV°Ê­º- »®°

the newspaper 11

1 November 2007

You Wouldn’t Rob A Poor Defenseless Pop Machine Japanese Products Designed to Dupe Would-Be Robbers By Victor Rohm Like brave ninjas using camouflage on a dangerous mission, the modern Japanese uses her skirt to escape danger. Confused? Japan has one of the lowest crime rates in the world, one seventh of US values, yet concern about petty street crime is growing. To answer this demand for security many new means of protection have been set forward. For example, a skirt that unfolds into a pop machine or a schoolbag with a GPS tracking system. Ms. Tsukioka, a 29-yearold fashion designer explains that the skirt she conceived could quickly be unfolded, put over one's body to look like

an ordinary pop machine and elude pursuers. Another one of her inventions is a bag that, once opened and dropped on the ground with one’s valuables inside, will look like a common manhole and prevent a robbery. Although still in the experimental phase with her life saving ideas, Ms. Tsukioka is confident that the "manhole bag" and her other articles will be market hits. So far, 20 of her hand-sown skirts have been sold at $800 a piece. On a more high-tech level, anxious parents can equip their child with a Kevlar school uniform or a GPS-enhanced rucksack that will notify them of their little angel's whereabouts at all times.

Dan in Real Life Starring: Steve Carell Dane Cook Directed By: Peter Hedges By Garth Mercer Generally, romantic-comedies don’t carry much weight and often leave you feeling listless. However, the new film Dan in Real Life -directed by Peter Hedges and starring Steve Carell, Juliette Binoche, Dane Cook, and Emily Blunt- is quite honestly a lovely and moving picture…not to mention really funny! The story takes place

“Carell shows himself to be a true actor with depth and subtlety ”

I know criminals are supposed to be stupid, but pop-machines generally don’t have feet.

around a family gathering in the country, where a whole slew of events leads to humour, altercation, awakening, and (of course) love. Carell does a wonderful job playing Dan Burns, who is a widower, and a father of three daughters. He is seeking new love with Marie, played by Binoche, and the pair display good chemistry; you really do end up caring about the outcome. Perhaps that’s why this particular romantic comedy works; the dialogue and the

acting (from the entire cast) is real and believable…even if it takes place around a set of circumstances that are, at best, unlikely. Carell shows himself to be a true actor with depth and subtlety. Binoche is, of course, her usual charming and luminous self and delivers a good performance. One unexpected standout was the fantastic performance by Brittany Robertson, who played Cara. Definitely a talent to look for in the future.

This film has something for practically anyone but is a particularly good date movie. You will leave the theatre with a sense of satisfaction knowing that you got a pretty good bang for your entertainment buck. Having sung my praise, this movie isn’t for the Oscars. But it’s not meant to be. It’s just a pleasant, well executed romantic-comedy. If that’s your cup of tea then go see it -and enjoy!


12 the newspaper

the sticky stuff

by Shannon Thorndyke

1 November 2007

Where the Fuck is This?

Sex, Love, and the Stuff that comes between… Hey Shannon, This may sound trivial, but I have a real question that needs serious advice. I hope you can help me. Halloween is a wicked time of year for most heterosexual males because the majority of girls dress exceptionally slutty. This is good. Well, for the past two years these beautiful intoxicated ladies adorned in little or no clothing, have surrounded me and I haven’t been laid either time. I have sex on a pretty regular basis with, what I believe, are good-looking girls. This leads me to believe that it must be the costume that I’m wearing that is preventing the imminent orgy from happening. Two years ago I was a deck of cards -lame. Last year I wanted to showcase the biceps, so I was Guile from Streetfighter. Still, nothing. This year I want the sexiest costume that you can think of. Who would you do? -Constantine

Great question, and timely indeed! I am a huge geek lover -i.e. glasses, skinny, loves comic books and action figures kind of a gal. So for me the hottest and most doable costume would come in the form of a Nightwing/Gambit/Wonder-Woman. I imagine that this also applies to other women mainly because I have seen at least three different girls on different occasions wear the screen-printed shirts that read “I Love Geeks!” –by the way, they were hot. This genre of costume will not only shows off your bulging biceps and ample package (spandex), but it will appeal to the fantasy that many women create for themselves. You know, the “damsel in distress/I want to be rescued by a man” bank of fantasies. Another notable option would be a vampire. Not some

I’l Sudoku You! This Week’s Problem

cheesy plastic teeth and crusty blood one either. An Interview with a Vampire -Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt style vampire. There is something so incredibly seductive about the long hair, loose open flowing shirt, and tight pants. I would easily jump into an orgy with a looka-like if encountered at a Halloween Bash. I think pirates are hot this year. Not really my thing, but if done right could appeal to both of the aforementioned markets. Have a nice time and don’t eat too much candy! Contact me with your relationship and sex questions


Last Week’s Solution

You know who put his finger on last week’s photo? Kimberly Forbes. He knew that it Sidney Smith, Room 2011. Nice work Kim.

Toothpaste for Dinner

comics Bob the Angry Flower

Photo by... we can’t even tell you! You’ve seen it before, but you just can’t put your finger on it... If you can, e-mail the newspaper at First correct answer gets a prize.

By Stephen Notley

By Drew

The Zenlightened Ones By Mike Kuo

Issue 9 - November 1 2007  

toronto’s student community paper Cancellation of preliminary hearings extends trial of accused “...t...

Read more
Read more
Similar to
Popular now
Just for you