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toronto’s student community paper

Rebel With A Cause By Rehaana Manek Mississauga-Erindale NDP candidate Shaila Kibria has a bedroom in her office. It’s a spot where she can visit with her family, where kids are preoccupied with movies, and where she can catch up on a few hours of shut-eye between campaigning. “In my platform, children are first,” says Kibria, “whether it be issues of childcare, home care, education, youth programming, or university, I feel that our community wants to put children first, but our government is at a disconnect with that.” Kibria’s main focus is on equality for working families, stemming from the obstacles she faced from the university and the government while trying to start a child care facility at the University of Toronto at Mississauga (UTM). “Our university campus didn’t have childcare, I’m a mom of three, I needed a degree, and I didn’t know how to do that without childcare on campus.” Kibria took action with other student-parents and took over a room with the Student Union, she then ran as President and Vice-President of the student union in order to

raise awareness and funding. “It was hard because I'm a mother and I'm playing politics with the kids, but the kids were actually more grown up -I underestimated the student population. Our student unions want to do something about these issues. We attracted media, and the university was so embarrassed, and I didn’t realize that’s all it took.” UTM is now creating a larger child-care facility to support these parents. “This brought me to a realization: I cannot believe the government is so disconnected with its people.” Much of Kibria’s work surrounds food banks, on and off campus, “The government got a $40,000 pay increase, and our food banks are going broke. I'm going to give back my pay increase. Part of this campaign is to shake up this government.” Kibria’s family fully supports her shakedown. “It is quite the balancing act, but it’s not impossible. My partner brings the kids, so I see them everyday. My kids help, they wear the Shaila Kibria shirt, and they give their friends my pamphlets.”

While having a minority woman run is opening doors to those who may not have thought before to participate, Kibria faces a hard opposition. Kibria’s appearance is presenting a problem – where her validity as a representative of Canadian citizens is called into question, as a woman of colour but also as a Muslim. “A woman opened the door, and you think she’s a woman, a comrade; but then she asks ‘How long have you been here?’ and I think she means in Mississauga, but she means in Canada. She says that people get their citizenship so fast these days how can they know the issues? I was born here, I know the issues.” Kibria’s hijab is also a source of conflict, but she believes that for her, it’s a source of strength. “The general public still needs to know my hijab doesn’t mean oppression, it was something I had to do in hiding from my parents, because they wanted me to assimilate. I fought to wear it, it’s my right, it’s my right not to spike my hair, or colour my hair, but rather cover my hair as my expression. It’s my rebellion for society.”

the inside: the newspaper Profiles Brother Ali

pg. 5 The Neglected Garden

pg. 4 Can Being Fat Save Your Life?

pg. 12 Endings of Articles

pg. 2 & 5

Touchy Topics -From 9/11 To Anti-terrorism By Clayton Book

Laura Kusisto arguing for the government at the Hart House debate.

October 4 2007 Vol. XXX No. V

The words "Nine Eleven" marked the opening for the September 26th Hart House debate, and how appropriate when the resolve is: This House Would Fight the War on Terror without sacrificing Civil Liberties. Nine-One-One is the all-terror catchphrase of our modern lexicon. Yet, it carries an implicit connotation that such atrocities against humanity threaten us so severely that the sacrifice our civilian freedoms to executive government officials can secure our safety, democracy, and lives. Guest speaker Kent Roach, Chair of Law and Public Policy at the University of Toronto, commended the debaters for addressing what he considers "the defining issue of our time". Nicholas Shkordoff questioned the war on terror's aims; stating how previous executive powers were granted (sometimes unconstitutionally) during war times with a clear goal in mind -such as ending

Hitler's fascist regime. The Opposition's Jeremy Opolsky centered his argument on terrorist crimes being graver than conventional crimes and thus requiring proportionate counter measures, like torture. He argued that the government must do something to make the people feel safe, lest they succumb to the democracy-dissolving fear that terrorism inspires, while simultaneously provoking populous rage indiscriminately against ethnic groups. The government's Laura Kusisto delved into the philosophical heart of civil rights; how hard it is to win them once they are taken (or surrendered); how anti-terrorist law is unconstitutional; and how surveillance and no habeas corpus evokes insecurity, and how such unethical tactics are already unfairly ethnocentric. She ended on a strong point by stating that Guantanamo doesn't work and See HH Debate cont. pg. 5

Harper’s Cuts Slash Women’s Advocacy Groups By Aya Kiriliuk With the election race coming down to the wire, the Tory image has taken another hit with the uproar over budget cuts to women’s groups. Last fall, Harper’s government announced that federal funding would be redirected from advocacy and research organizations to groups providing direct services to women. While some see this as the latest cog in Harper’s grand scheme to repress Canadian women (along the lines of his opposition to subsidized child care and veiled voting of Muslim women), such an alarmist and short-sighted position misses the important future implications of the new policy. See Women’s Groups cont. pg. 2

4 October 2007

2 the newspaper Women’s Groups cont. from pg. 1 Status of Women Canada (SWC), the federal government agency dedicated to the promotion of gender equality and full participation of women in Canadian society, is the central locus of the funding policy changes. As the umbrella agency managing funding requests from a variety of women’s groups, the shift in SWC’s grant program criteria could mean that certain groups will have to close their doors. The latest organization affected by cuts to their programs is the National Association of Women and the Law (NAWL), a lobby group for gender equality in legal issues such as the criminal code and pay equity. Status of Women Minister Josée Verner says that the government is not responsible for the closure of NAWL’s national office, claiming it is “a result of [NAWL’s] inability to receive adequate financing for its operations through fundraising.” NAWL can still apply for non-advocacy funding from SWC should they choose to do so. While there is nothing to stop groups formerly

funded by SWC from raising money privately, as most environmental lobby groups do, NAWL board member Pamela Cross says the solution isn’t that simple. “Environmentalists have more favor with the public than we do,” she admits, which may explain the current social zeitgeist which forced Harper to reverse his former position on climate change while allowing him to stand firm on the SWC changes for now. Conservative pundits insist the redirection of funds away from women’s advocacy groups is a response to the needs expressed by their female electorate, who would rather see tax dollars used for direct service delivery including job counseling for immigrant women, assistance for female entrepreneurs, and more spaces in established women’s shelters. Clearly the crux of the dispute is not over the importance of funding for women, but the central role of the interest group lobby in Canadian politics. In our political culture, the language of rights entitlement is non negotiable, and any organization representing the cause of

Life is a Cabaret Old Chum, Come to Buddies’ Arthouse Cabaret! By Amanda Campbell Vaudeville is alive and well at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre (BBTT). The artists in the Cabaret were asked to dream up their performances inspired by queer pop culture from the turn of the 20th century to the present and the result is a big, flashy array of merriment, overlapping a subtle, yet poignant, socio-political commentary on the history of

queer culture and its reception. From the moment of entrance into the theatre the audience is greeted with warmth and tongue-in-cheek humour by Keith Cole (the MC). Jonathan Monro plays the impeccable piano and singing in his dreamy voice, while Paula Wolson sings fresh renditions of classics

a demographic sub sector of society feels that government is bound to support their activities under the aegis of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. This position clashes squarely with Harper’s policymaking, which advocates collectivist values over individualist ones, and would rather turn women’s issues over to NGOs and charities than bureaucratized social services. The website for the right-wing women’s group REAL Women Canada supports the changes to the SWC mandate, arguing that in the past SWC funding gave preference to “ideologically feminist women’s groups and not others,” and applauds Harper’s efforts of “gaining control of our national agenda instead of allowing it to be dictated by special interest groups.” Former Status of Women Minister Beverley Oda suggested that the work of feminist advocacy groups like NAWL “weakens the ability of the equality of women to be instilled throughout the government departments, agencies, and offices.” Others disagree with the softening of the SWC

mandate, including MP Irene Mathyssen, who warns, “This is a very clear effort to de-politicize the women's movement,” and NAWL Board member Pamela Cross, who points out that, “These are ideologically driven cuts that demonstrate a defective concept of women’s equality and democracy.” Supporters of women’s lobby groups believe that women are underrepresented at all levels of government, and have no recourse through democratic channels to advance their agenda. While funding regulations for government agencies change constantly, the Conservative policy direction is likely to remain relatively constant should they win another term in office. By scaling back the social side of government, Harper is hoping to neutralize the burden of his party’s right-of-centre ideology on the public and create more efficient service delivery to all sectors of Canadian society. When Ontarians head to the polls on Wednesday, we should carefully consider if the benefits of his policies outweigh the costs.

like ‘Material Girl’. The music continued throughout the evening, inter-spliced with a hilarious (and flawless) performance by Stephen Lawson as Judy Garland, which is a fearless comment on the state of feminism today, a profoundly intelligent look at the Catholic Church, and a moment of communal spirit as the audience burst into ‘Sing if You’re Glad to be Gay’. The Cabaret uses an effective mixture of live performance and beautifully ed-

ited audiovisual material by Aaron Pollard, which invite the audience to interpret how these performances contradict or connect the story. In relaying this to you, it sounds artsy and immersed in queer culture. That is true, but Arthouse Cabaret is fun, sexy, charming and gracious. So everyone: grab those stilettos and run down to BBTT and catch this show! Arthouse Cabaret runs until October 20th at BBTT.


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Editor-in-Chief Joe Zabukovec

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4 October 2007

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Are You Ready to See WhyNot Theatre’s Hamlet? By Niya Bajaj & Samhita Gupta the audience and allows the individual an awareness of their role as the storyteller. I spoke with Jain and Bugaj after the show and they confirmed that that was the effect intended. Jain explained, “In the real play ‘What is it you would see?’ is a line Horatio says to Fortinbras near the end, but for me it is the key question for why we are doing Hamlet again. It’s the question we don’t let ourselves be engaged with. It’s really to get the audience to think. What did you come here to watch? I’ll tell you a story, is what Horatio says afterwards, and it’s awful, and terrible, there’s trickery and misunderstanding and Fortinbras says ‘Lets haste to hear it?’” Inspired by Robert LePage’s Elsinore’s filmic quality, Jain notes “LePage really made it so it was for me and for my culture. It was really visual and I got it. The words and the pictures matched and I was like ‘Wow, that’s what we’ve got to do with the play.’ He also rips apart the text, moves things around, and turns things upside down on their heads. I love the idea. And our script too, it’s disgusting, I’ve moved things around, I’ve ripped pages, it’s a mess. But in

Illustration by Yoojin Guak

Staged at the Toronto Dance Theatre, Ravi Jain and Katrina Bugaj’s cinematic production of The Prince Hamlet opened on September 21st and runs until October 21st, 2007. This fresh retelling sees the text torn asunder and then thoughtfully rearranged to tell a more concise story. Doing so demonstrates the directors’ deep respect for and adept handling of the poetic language within the text, while cutting the run-time to one hour and fifty minutes. Jain, Bugaj, and their diverse cast spent the first week of rehearsals working to comprehend the exact story the bard was trying to tell. They finally chose to focus on the psychological aspect of the text and the Prince’s struggle with “how to be”, as opposed to his vacillation between “being” and “not being”. Rife with ghosts and shadows, the staging is wonderfully dark and brooding, appropriate under the shadow of Hamlet’s melancholy. The team put on a captivating, high-energy, physically dynamic performance that engaged the audience from the very opening with Horatio’s pointed question “What is it you would see?”. It challenges

the jock talk

by Alan Osadetz

My Much Anticipated “Carte Blanche” Experience I know, I know. Your initial perception of me based on previous ‘Jock Talks’ would likely have you believing that I am not be much of an art enthusiast. As it turns out I am very knowledgeable of all the fine arts and consider myself to be

a very “right-brained” person. I have donated numerous photos of myself flexing with no shirt on to charity auctions, all of which sold for upwards of five dollars. Whenever I’m out at night (most likely intoxicated)

that mess you find out why this thing works.” But didn’t reconfiguring the text while respecting Shakespeare’s language and poetry create a contradicting tension? “No!” they said together. “It was a good creative tension,” said Bugaj. Jain followed by explaining that “Respecting the text and the language means trying to really understand how it works…Then it is a different kind of rip. It’s not irreverent, haphazard ripping like it would be if you were cutting lines just to make it shorter. We didn’t want to just make it shorter. We’re trying to tell the story.” When asked what the story of Hamlet is to him, Jain said “For me it’s really about a young man who’s trying to understand how to live. I think Hamlet’s line ‘I do not know/Why yet I live to say ‘This thing’s to do;’ is something we’ve all said to ourselves. I thing the murder and the revenge in the play is a vehicle for understanding how do we keep moving forward in life and do the things we have to do in spite of all the things that have been behind us, and how do we deal with the burden of the person we must be in the future and let go of what was… The realization that he comes to

at the end is just to be, to ‘ let it be.’ ‘The readiness is all’ he says at the end before the fight.” And a readiness is what WhyNot Theatre’s production of Hamlet asks you to bring to

their show; a readiness to hear the tale of Prince Hamlet once again as you have never heard it before.

and I walk past some really intricate graffiti, I’ll stop and let my imagination go wild. Some very pondering questions arise while I observe what others consider vandalism, such as; “I wonder what all the fucked up letters spell?” and, “I wonder precisely how high on crack this person was while they spraypainted this?” and finally “how many TVs they stole and STDs they contracted that night?” Being the true connoisseur I take a couple slow steps back, slowly stroking my chin in an intellectual fashion, and announce the words “Oh, how quaint!” so the people walking past me know that I’m an art expert and that I’m better than them. So Saturday night -the night I had been anxiously awaiting for more than two days- arrived. “Carte Blanche” was here! As the sun went down I prepared to be truly awestruck by what was anticipated to be the art world’s

equivalent of a movie in which Arnold Schwarzenegger, Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Sylvester Stallone are all pinned against each other in a kill-or-be-killed death match (no weapons allowed), and with an intricate side plot in which Jessica Biel and Beyonce fall in love and get it on many times (and they show everything with lots of close ups). Like a kid on Christmas morning, I gleefully hit the streets of Yorkville expecting all the lasers, explosions, and sculptures of naked chicks touching each other a true contemporary art enthusiast could ask for. However, I had my spirits crushed at the sight of unthinkably long line-ups. What spectacle could be so amazing for people to wait so long to see? So, I was naïve enough to wait in line for one of these pieces of shit. I’m not going to specifically review everything I saw,

but the highlight of the night for me was what I initially believed to be an engineering thesis project done by a chimpanzee with Down syndrome. It was a wood platform with three white cubes on it. One of the cubes was connected to an electrical socket and was vibrating. I wish I could describe it in more detail, but that, quite literally, was all it was. After browsing through an art gallery that sold $20,000 canvasses that reminded me of my Grade 2 finger paintings I was ready to go home and jab a pencil in my ear until the searing memory of the last 3 hours was gone. The worst part of it all is that earlier that day I had one of the best deltoid workouts of my life and was sure to pick up an 8 or a 9 at the bar that night. Seriously! I was putting up my normal flat bench weight on the military press! Perhaps contemporary art isn’t all it is made out to be.

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The Enchanted Garden By Chris Le Page Lewis Carroll, folktales and memories inhabit the mind of Jude Griebel. Curious enough fodder for a young man’s imagination you might say, but it is a strange and powerfully evocative collection in which he draws inspiration from. Scenes from The Neglected Garden, Griebel’s latest exhibition Bau-Xi Gallery portrays personal recollections and castles in the air of his youth utilizing the decaying backdrops of abandoned houses once used as playful refuges. His ground stagings are bland interiors and bringing the outdoors inside creates shining bright flora and fauna plucked from children’s storybooks. These ochre and earthtoned rooms are home to carpet gardens growing from the floor and fluffy rain clouds hovering above like displaced lampshades. Scale is also manipulated; the stoic characters inhabit more space within a diminished

realm which creates a heightened sense of awareness. Rabbits, mice and birds act as guides or foils for the young souls that are intertwined in the unfolding mysterious and sometimes supernatural adventures. Griebel engages the viewer and calls upon their sense of youthful fantasy in presenting scenarios that are imaginary, but also accessible to any reminiscent adult. The artist states that “combining fiction with real experience has become a tactic in my work for the elaboration of figurative, as opposed to literal truths”. Plants provide a pivotal role as a metaphor for symbolizing both physical growth and the impermanence of one’s existence upon the material plane. ‘In The Boy Who Was Full of Weeds’ we see a collapsed pile of clothing upon the floor, shoes and all, and where there once stood a body all that is sprouting are grass chokers.

A Scene from Jude Griebel’s The Neglected Gardenw at the Bau-Xi Gallery Portrayed in other il- is played out; a hand protrudes lusory pieces: a girl, bird and forth from a flowered soil patch rabbit anticipate an oncoming to deliver a note to the intended storm from above; in another a boy. These rooms are where prostrate, pensive boy receives a missing key from a mouse. ‘In A youth can turn the familiar Message is Delivered From Be- into their own set of playthings low’ the most paranormal event and where the world of reality

Afganistan Debate hits Sidney Smith By Victor Rohm Last Thursday, the Near and Middle Eastern Civilizations Students Union’s (NMCSU) held its first event of the year, “Afghanistan: The Continuing Legacy of Colonial Occupation”. A near capacity lecture hall in Sidney Smith was greeted by a member of the NMCSU, who welcomed the audience warmly and then followed up by stating the main aim of the

event: to sensitize people to the current situation in Afghanistan. What unfortunately followed was an irrational tirade against the western world from a small and nervous man who hadn’t even been introduced to the assembly. After some Q&As, the crowd was blasted with the shocking images of an amateur communist propaganda video. Ironically, in spite of an

invitation to think critically at the beginning of the lecture, spectators were only presented with a selected array of facts and arguments, all leading in one direction: against the USA, the “bourgeois media” and the “white, supremacist, racist and colonialist state of Canada”. Naturally, the speech was skeptically received by the audience. One young woman even commented by saying,

“who is this guy?!” Others just left not wanting to waste any more of their time. Fabricating information with only one half of the story the speaker went on to complain for more than an hour. Any problem in the world had one cause: America and Canada. Whether it was instability in the Middle East or global poverty: it was all North America’s fault. To make this simplistic view of the world even worse, the speaker didn’t propose an alternative to NATO troops in Afghanistan. With an arrogant declaration, he insinuated that “if you want it or if you don’t want it” the Afghan “puppet”

and the imagined are blurred. Griebel succeeds in capturing a time in which we all have peered through the looking glass, refusing to be confined to the stringent adult actions of reality

government will soon be defeated. As vague as this statement was, he hinted that leftist student groups in Afghanistan might be the ones to make the difference. Thirty years ago two power-hungry communists took over Afghanistan by way of a coup. The resulting Marxist reforms deeply affected the culture and tradition of local populations. Not being able to cope with the rebellions, the leftist government called on Russia for help and that is when the trouble in Afghanistan began. It just appears foolish to think that Afghanistan would ever be taken over by communists again.

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Band Profile: Brother Ali Most of the stories written in the press about Brother Ali start off by telling readers that he’s an Albino. He’s from Minnesota. He’s not black. In short, he doesn’t have the superficial characteristics that one might expect in a rapper. That story has been told enough times, and Ali’s lyrics tells it better than any interviewer anyhow. When I spoke to Ali over the phone while he took a breather on tour, I wanted to delve into other aspects of his style that make him exceptional. Ali has been making music as a part of the Rhymesayers collective since 2000’s Rites of Passage EP. Ali has stood out from his contemporaries in hip hop since he is both sober and religious in a line of work where neither of those are all that common. I asked Ali how he felt about being so far removed from the emcees that dominate the hip hop headlines. He responded, “I don’t really see what I’m doing as being opposed to what the trends may be. I’m just doing what’s right for me. Some people come from nothing and they spend their time fantasizing about having the best of everything or the most expensive everything and then over the course of a year

or two, all of a sudden they can have it. It wouldn’t make sense for me to write about that because those questions just aren’t a part of my reality. It symbolizes something in certain instances, to be able to go to a club and buy a bottle of crystal and pour it out because now you can afford it after having nothing your whole life and you got it because you’re talented. But if you don’t come from a situation like that then it may not speak to you.” Ali is in full promotion mode, working to build on his previous releases with his latest work, The Undisputed Truth. As a so-called conscious emcee, I wondered if Ali felt like there is a disconnect between the people who listen to his music and the people who most directly experience the things he rhymes about. He shared a story about coming up as an independent rapper. “All of us when we decided to become rappers, when we were coming up in the eighties and thinking we were gonna be emcees, I think none of us thought that our audience was gonna be who it is today. I can’t speak for anybody else but I know for myself, I understand the idea of ‘preaching to the choir’, but the choir

By Steven Borowiec

still has some things that they haven’t figured out yet. I may have some experiences that a lot of the people who listen to me may have experienced. I can still show them a different side of life. I think the average person doesn’t even realize the things that get installed in their mind, their paradigm and the

way they view the world that they don’t even recognize them, they don’t even know that they’re there. I came into music feeling like I wanted to show people something, I wanted to open people’s eyes.” After I spoke to him, I felt like it’s Ali’s realness and genuine passion for what he does that sets him

apart from other emcees much more than his complexion or religious affiliation.

teresting argument of all came from an audience commentator who attempted to enlighten those present with a highly elegant parable of terrorism being the symptom of a worse and, paradoxically, more treatable

cause: socially structured global inequality, which is Sociology 101. Really, it is. He proposed that we, the people, use our power to help the world rather than lose our power to seal the fates of others.

Brother Ali will be performing with Blueprint, BK One & DJ Rare Groove at the El Mocambo on Saturday October 13.

Benevolence: No Gift for Viewers By Liz Went I suppose I had unfairly high expectations of Morris Panych’s new play, Benevolence. Two years ago, Michael Redhill’s Goodness graced the very same stage at the Tarragon Theatre, dealing with similar themes through a script that was at times provocative, emotional, and deeply moving. Sadly, Benevolence is no Goodness. Panych, as writer and director, has chosen to address the notions of charity and generosity through lewd humour, shallow characterization, and a script that leaves the viewer completely unsure of Panych’s intention and motivation. The play focuses on the relationship between Oswald, a drab orthodics salesman (played with comic deftness by Tom Rooney), and Lomy (the hilarious, but slightly unbelievable Stephen Ouimette), a homeless man ‘inspired’ to help Oswald change his life as repayment for Oswald giving him $100. Thrown into the mix is Oswald’s girlfriend Audrey (Jennifer Wigmore), and Jackie (Gina Wilkinson), the prostitutewith-the-heart-of-gold. While the actors struggle valiantly, neither has enough material to elevate the characters beyond simple plot devices designed to get cheap laughs. The biggest problem is that the plot, and the play

as a whole, doesn’t seem to go anywhere —everything still feels very much like a workin-progress. It could probably benefit from additional workshopping, so Panych can take the time to figure out what he’s trying to say, and then create a way to say it without having to resort to exposition instead of action, or using humour to disguise the script’s other shortcoming. The bright spot in this production was the superbly sleazy set by Ken MacDonald, who turns the interior of a porn theatre into an exercise in audience self-awareness; the audience is faced with rows and rows of empty, dirty seats, like a mirror reflecting the worst of our world. I wanted so much more from this show. I really wanted to leave questioning the nature of generosity and benevolent acts, forcing myself to re-examine my own treatment of the homeless in Toronto, but Panych’s treatment left me confused and uncertain. Perhaps a more benevolent act would have been to wait until Panych and his cast had a more solid, compelling treatment of a tighter, more workable script.

HH Debate cont. from pg. 1 that Jeremy's "new kind of war" needs humane proportionality, not just some civil-stealing grandeur. The government's proposition won 16 to 12 by public vote. However, perhaps the most in-

4 October 2007




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8 the newspaper

the sticky stuff

by Shannon Thorndyke

4 October 2007

the science

Sex, Love, and the Stuff that comes between…

Hello. I have never written to a newspaper before, so take it easy on me. I am 21-year-old physically fit and semi-attractive guy. I have no problem meeting girls and getting laid on a regular basis. My problem is getting repeats. I am not sure what I am doing wrong but I think it may have something to do with the size of my penis. It isn’t that big. Actually, it’s pretty small. No girl has ever said this to me and it may just be in my head. I am just wondering if you had an opinion. -Jeff Lucky for you Jeff, I am full of opinions and I promise to take it easy on you! I haven’t actually seen your penis with my own eyes so I cannot really tell you whether it is, as you suspect, a tiny weenie or if it is run-ofthe-mill average stock. What I would ask is what are you using as comparison? Mainstream porn has painted a rather unrealistic picture of the female and male bodies as well as the way that pleasurable sex is performed. The men are muscu-

lar, thrusting, hung beasts and the women are large breasted, toned, shrieking nymphs. As you may already know this is not reality. I Googled “average penis size” and the first entry was from The Alfred C. Kinsey Institute for Sex Research. The Kinsey study found that of the white college men studies the average length is 6.16 inches and the average girth is 4.84 inches. This site also lists results from a more recent study that took place at The University of California, sampling 60 men, finding that the average length 5.1 inches long and 4.9 inches in girth. Take out a tape measure, measure from the point where the penis meets the body along the top to its tip (erect), and see how you measure up to these results. Your problem may not be rooted in the actually size of your genitals, but possibly in the way in which you are using them. From what I understand many young men acquire their sexual knowledge and the basis for future sexual performance

from the aforementioned “school of porn”. The lessons that men learn from this popular tutorial method lack substance when it comes to actual female pleasuring power. Folding your partner into a pretzel while you sweat and grunt above her does little to ensure her satisfaction. Furthermore, the women in porn (as well as the men) are acting. No girl loves the taste of cum. Make sure that not all your moves are adaptations from your favorite video. Once again, I cite the importance of communication. Ask your partner what she is into and how she “likes it”. A little dirty talk can go a long way in getting things heated up and setting the stage for a hot night. If this problem is rooted in the bedroom and not with other personality issues, this should help. If she still doesn’t call you for a repeat….maybe she just isn’t that into you. Until next time... Send your sex and relationship questions to

Timothy Ryan Answers Some Q and A’s This week I am going to answer some interesting (and some pointless) science questions that you are just dying to know about: Why does it feel like my bladder is the size of a walnut when I drink? Alcohol is great. But it does more than turn 4’s into 9’s while making all of your friends “the funniest person you know”. Urination is dramatically increased because alcohol is a diuretic that blocks vasopressin (an anti-diuretic hormone) from regulating the osmotic gradient of the blood. This all takes place in the kidney whose main job is to remove wastes from the blood and excrete them along with plenty of water into your bladder, as urine. Initially, when this is done, the kidney excretes a lot of water with the waste. If none of this water is reabsorbed, you dehydrate. Vasopressin works in the collecting tubule of the kidney by increasing its ability to reabsorb water and thus con-

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centrate the urine making that gorgeous yellow colour. Alcohol blocks this process so all of the water your kidney excreted with the waste proceeds to your bladder making your urine clear and frequent; hence Gatorade the morning after. This is also the reason why it is not the overall amount of fluids, but the total alcohol content that affects urination frequency (i.e. one pint of beer will make you piss as much as a good-sized shot of Jagermeister). This also contributes to your waking up with no saliva in your mouth, and a tongue like a cat. How fat would you need to be to be bulletproof? Short answer, Roseanne Barr. The real answer is about 1400 pounds. I’m not quite sure if someone this big does exist even in the sadistic world that is The Jerry Springer Show (the closest I’ve seen is just above 1000 lbs.). A 9 mm handgun bullet travels at approximately 45000 cm/s. It is slowed by human flesh at a rate of 750 cm2/s meaning a bullet will penetrate approximately 60 cm into human flesh before it comes to a halt. In addition, the bullet will cause one cubic centimeter of damage to surrounding tissue for every centimeter it penetrates. Even then, the shockwave produced by the impact may cause serious internal damage to critical organs. Eat up. Why do some people who have had heart surgery have to take antibiotics when they have dental surgery? Patients suffering from a leaky valve or a very narrow valve may need a heart valve operation where a substitute (often metal) valve is placed inside the body. If this patient later has a dental procedure, say a tooth removal where an open wound may be generated, we know that bacteria from the mouth can spread easily around the body and can seed around the heart valve causing a possible case of infective endocarditis (inflammation of the inner layer of the heart). Antibiotics are given at the time of the dental procedure to people who have had heart valve surgery to prevent that infection from occurring.

Good luck shooting your way through this!

Issue 5 - October 4 2007