Originating from 18th century Britain and Ireland, a stout is chiefly considered to be a dark, bitter, and distinctly Irish brew, typically with a creamy, impenetrable head. Cobblestone Stout “Straight up fucking delicious.” - Chelsea H “Almost like drinking really strong iced coffee on a cold winter’s day.” - Bodi B Mill Street Brewery - Toronto, ON
Steam Whistle Pilsner King Pilsner “Like a cornfield, broad, vast, “Smells like North End Halifax brewery air.” - Meghan H ubiquitous.” - Yukon D “Tastes like a 24 from dial-a-bottle.” - Sydney G “Minimalist decadence.” King Brewery - Nobleton, ON - David S Steam Whistle Brewery Toronto, ON
Hannenberg Pilsner “Tastes like elves innocently dancing in a forest.” - Amanda J “Like fresh baked buttered bread.” - Noah V Grand River Brewing Co Cambridge, ON
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Although Pilsner is relatively young – it was developed in Pilsnen in the present day Czech Republic in the mid1800s – it is one of the most popular styles of beer today. Made with hard or neutral water and partially malted barley, Pilsner usually has a hoppy aroma, a dense white head, a light taste and refreshing finish. Serve cold.
Ambers are made with a hop-malt balance that usually leans toward the malts, creating a sweet, sometimes caramel flavour. Crystal malt gives it its darker copper or amber colour. ABV 4.5-6%. Serve cool (8-12 degrees celsius).
American Pale Ale
Pale Ale was first used as a term in the early 18th century. It has a pale-golden to amber colour, is usually clear, and often has a bready, toasty, biscuity flavour. ABV 4.5-6%. Serve cool (8-12 degrees celsius).
Amsterdam Big Wheel “Just the right amount of bitterness. Like a girl who plays hard to get.” Dylan H “I just got my mouth washed out with soap.” - Bianca O Amsterdam Brewery - Toronto, ON Iron Duke “Nice and strong, like one of those men in one of those men’s health magazines.” - Alan J “If a philosophy professor was a beer.” - Sydney G Wellington Brewery - Guelph, ON
Tank “Sm house A o “Like oth rid le e Mill a spars down t e bu h Stre t ea e gulle et B sy t” rewe ry - forest - Mark walk Toro W .” - K nto, Am evin ON “Im sterd H agi am “ n T 4 e h En Am e typ if Pr 16 “T glish e ste e o sid rda f b e “V his i Ba eer nt’s C s y a m Cr nill ho Pa B rew to d hoi ee a fl w le mo av bu Al ery rink ce g - To ou inge re ou bbl e Sp r m eg ron t of r al rin ak um to, a 2 e su gs es s ON L st dde h LT th ou ein n D is b ld in P ly tu -C e t rag rne lea er aste ue. d in rvi pop . D ”ew .” e No to a b , O - Te licio ah e V er.” N d R us. ”Da nC Ca ra S
India Pale Ale was developed in England in the 1790s by increasing ales’ alcohol and hop content in order to solve the problem of beer going flat or sour during long ocean voyages. Malts are used to balance the hops, sometimes creating a mildly sweet flavour. ABV 5-7.6%. Serve cellar (12-14 degrees WINNER Celsius).
Plowman’s Ale “Smells like walking into a shop in Kensington that sells grains.” - Bianca O “Maybe Charles Bukowski would like it.” - Amanda J Grand River Brewing Co Cambridge, ON
We endured a series of in-
tense blind tastings for your enjoyment. Judges were either affiliated with the making of the boozepaper or kidnapped from the streets of Toronto and forced to drink numerous types of beer so you wouldn’t have to (but we recommend you do). Thanks to all the participating brewers. Enjoy.
Boneshaker IPA “When the burp is as good as the beer, you’ve got a real winner.” - Noah V “It’s like sleeping with the wrong, sexy person.” - Meghan H Amsterdam Brewing Co - Toronto, ON
Alexander Keith’s Cascade “Sort of tastes like asthma inhaler.” - Isaac T “Like a Florida orange.” - Marsha M Labatt Brewing Co - London, ON
Hawaiian Style Pale Ale “Bitterness balances out sweet citrus; a perfect (tropical) storm.” - Cara S “Hint of honey in a sea of bitterness, like a bee pollinating a field of barbed wire flowers.” - Sebastian G Spearhead Brewing Co - Etobicoke, ON
Lager originated in Central Europe in the early 15th century. After initial fermentation, the beer is stored at low temperatures (a process known as “lagering”) to allow for the production of bottom-fermenting yeast. This yeast is more aggressive than ale yeast, and produces a clean, crisp beer with a smooth finish. Lagers are typically served cold.
Originating in late 17th century London, brown ale has taken on a significantly different connotation than its original meaning. While 18th-century brown ales were brewed from 100% brown malt and lightly hopped, today’s brown ales are of medium strength and are usually low alcohol. They range from brown to deep amber in colouration, and are most often sweet and/or nutty. Chocolate and caramel flavours are also noticeable. Best served mildly chilled for optimum haziness. Black Oak Nut Brown “If you’re into burnt toast this beer is for you.” - Jane K “Tastes like what my grandpa smells like, smoke and old pennies, almost antique.” - Rhiannon W Black Oak Brewing Co - Etobicoke, ON
Spring Thaw Maple Ale “Great faux fancy beer.” - Kevin H “Tastes like it was brewed in the hollow of a maple trunk.” - David S Mill Street Brewery Toronto, ON SCORED FROM 1 to 5 5 - Get off your ass and go get this. I said NOW! 4 - Next time you see this, drop everything and drink. 3 - Order this to impress your beer snob of a date. 2 - Drinkable 1 - We’ll drink it anyway
County Dark Ale “It’s trying so hard to be stoic and strong but really it’s sensitive and needs a shoulder to cry on.” Alan J “Grown-up candy.” - Sydney G Wellington Brewery - Guelph, ON
King Dark Lager “Like caramel’s sweet alcoholic brother.” - Dylan H “Tastes like a hug.” - Isaac T King Brewery - Nobleton, ON Organic Lager “Tastes like it should be served by McDonald’s, the McBeer.” - Lenny P “Not feeling the frat aftertaste.” - Marsha M Mill Street Brewery - Toronto, ON
Creemore Kellerbier “Karate chops the back of my tongue.” - Manaal I “For British rainy afternoons, like marmalade and Wellington boots.” - Lauren P. Creemore Springs LTD - Clearview, ON
Budweiser “Makes me feel happy and sunny.” - Isaac T “Fruity with hints of nut-of-some-kind.” - Yukon D Labatt Brewing Co - London, ON Stella Artois “Smells like dank, tastes like men.” - Odessa K “Bubbles kind of mask any flavour, but as a beer nonconnoisseur, who cares?” - Marsha M Labatt Brewing Co - London, ON Vienna King Lager “Tastes like sticky toffee I stole from my parents.” - Bianca O “Full flavour start with a smooth flush. Just like a prom date.” - Max R King Brewery - Nobleton, ON Spring Imp “Reminds me of all the vegetables I avoided eating as a kid.” - Manaal I “A bit too sure of itself, like too much body spray.” - Lauren P❋ Mill Street Brewery - Toronto, ON