mad sounds think pieces
an ode to live music written by EMILY ZHENG photography by JORDAN RANDALL featuring KARLEY RICHARDSON
"You're supposed to roll your hips in time / You're supposed to see your age rewind / You're supposed to pull me like the sun pulls the earth" I'm belting my heart out to "If You Didn't See Me" by JR JR. I look at my beautiful friend as we dance to the tune, smiles plastered on our faces. This is our celebration of youth, our anthem for reckless abandon. Ever since I went to my first concert two years ago, I've been addicted to the movement of live music. How it puts you in that late night vulnerability, and I always end up swapping secrets with the friends who go with me. The collective energy of the crowd shamelessly singing off-key. The timeless magic of dancing to your favorite songs in person. At my last concert, I remember my friend Claire grinning, "You don't know how much I needed this." But hearing that opening song, I realized that I did. We both sought to forget all the petty worries we normally obsess over. We wanted hair tangled, sweat sticking to our skin, boundless silliness. We wanted to dance until we were dumb. Besides forgoing all the mundane problems, concerts are about remembering. Seeing just how booming and vibrant life can be. Live music forc-
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es me to look at all the small wonders through a magnifying glass. And then, I become the girl with this big, silly smile on her face like she's fearless. Present. Things might not always be okay, but this moment is hers. No one can take that away. I'm at a Capital Cities concert. I'm screaming the lyrics and dancing with an energy usually meant for solo-dance parties in my room. A man approaches me: "Oh my god, I love your enthusiasm. You're awesome," and we high-five. I beam back at him. As I reflect on the night, I know this is what I want to be: larger than life, unapologetic, free. His words are a small token for my shamelessness, and I let myself live audaciously. I let myself take up space. When you strip back all the expectations, who we are becomes fuzzy. I'm a soon-to-be college student going to UCLA next year. A passionate writer. Asian American. But I'm also a girl who likes taking pictures of her friends, eating chili lime potato chips, and writing long emails. Die-hard romantic. Concert enthusiast. Self-proclaimed philosopher of existential questions.