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BREWERS DROOP

“unless you’ve bagged yourself the female drinking equivalent to adam richman, it’s likely you’ll end up drinking less than you even did to begin with.” night out on the town with the lads. The phrase “why have a burger, when you have steak at home?” resonates amongst anxious other-halves. And while we wholeheartedly agree, that still won’t stop us from scoffing a large doner upon rolling out of a club at 4am. Devonshire Doc Dr.Henry Robinson points out this common phenomenon only too familiar in the world of twenty-first century lovers tiffs- “alcohol myopia”. “When intoxicated, our brains can only see into the near future, therefore we seek immediate gratification” he explains. And being so willing to disregard your real-world commitments understandably doesn’t end well when your girlfriend is miles away at home, and you’re surrounded by semi-naked girls mentally undressing you from just across the bar. You immoral stud. But before you go stumbling back home to a sleepy girlfriend, consider Ash’s further words of wisdom: “a similar reciprocal association was found for negative drinking contexts and beliefs, such as domineering power and assertiveness.”

THE GLASS IS HALF FULL

But it’s not all doom and gloom and bottle-hurling across the living room- Similar studies conducted by the American Sociological Association have found that coercion of drinking habits is a somewhat inevitable process- that subconsciously, couples eventually influence one another to the point of drinking the same amount anyway. Think of it as peer pressure, but with less chanting and more likeliness not to die alone, surrounded by cats. So unless you’ve bagged yourself the female drinking equivalent of Adam Richman, it’s likely that us blokes could actually end up drinking less than we even did to begin with, and in turn, our other halves consuming more. (And no, this is not justification to crack open a bottle of that delicious sparkling zinfandel stuff, you are technically still a man) “Drinking in the relationship is complex, and depending on how people do it and what kinds of beliefs they hold about it, it really can be a double edged sword.” Whilst there’s no solid answer we can deliver to this argument, we can attempt to distract you from that fact with some lovely shiny meaningful puns. Then we’ll put a lid on it. When was the last time that a slippery nipple ended in sex on the beach? And was the longest lasting relationship you had after this tropical encounter with crabsOr did it result in five years of slow comfortable screws? Whilst booze can open so many doors (and subsequently, legs) it can equally close them. As rounded individuals, we can overlook a minor liver bruising for the sake of almost guaranteed regular sex. Anyway, all this investigating has been exhausting. Anyone for a drink? fhm

WANT MORE?

Of course you do, numbnuts. Check out www.girlmeetsboymeetsbar.wordpress.com (we won’t tell your Missus)

MARCH 2013 fhm 088

the rum diaries We sent FHM’s resident man eater/ booze monkey out to terrorise the UK’s fine male population. Read, learn, and recoil in horror at her series of drunken dating disasters (...and possibly hide behind the sofa so she doesnt find you)

The sober date ' Inevitably, before long I addressed the Elephant in the room- the taboo ‘D’ word. “So, without being blunt… why don’t you drink?” In all honesty I was half hoping for some horrific-near-death-experience-turnedreformed-alcoholic Jezza Kyle-esque tale. The answer I actually received, in spite of being comforting that I wasn’t sat facing some sort of lunatic- was a bit of an anti-climax...”

The guy 8/10 The date: 8/10 Drunk-o-meter: 0/10 Pro’s: No hangover, remembered the night, didn’t make a tit of oneself Cons: Felt like a 12 year old again

The drunken date “Before I know it, we’re out in a packed town, downing our own body weight in Sambuca shots. How exactly I made this transitional phase from ‘impress me I’m your date’ only a few hours ago to ‘I bet I can outdrink you LAD LAD LAAAADS’ is anyone’s guess. Predictably, we return to familiar ground- second base, trashed in a club surrounded by strangers. Just your modern day Romeo and Juliet...”

The guy 7/10 The date: 6/10 Drunk-o-meter: 9/10 Pro’s: Err, it was...memorable Cons: Loss of brain cells, loss of underwear, loss of dignity

The internet date aka ‘the date we got high and broke onto a pier’ “Yes, whilst internet dating may be endless amounts safer than the widely-accepted drunkenmeeting-in-a-club method, I still fear that at the other end of the computer screen there may be a 60 year old Nigerian sex killer lurking under the guise of a baby-faced rugby-playing God. That and the fact my mum’s been on her fair share of dubious sounding dates courtesy of plentyoffish.com...”

The guy 5/10 The date: 4/10 Drunk-o-meter: 6/10 Pro’s: Beautiful seaside views Cons: Potential criminal record


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