** OCTOBER 18 , 3:30 A.M. **
A white female, JA N E SCH L I M M , age 28, dreamed that her live-in boyfriend, a white male, Dan Loden, age 34, shaved his head and got fat. In response, she looked at him funny all the next day. The perpetrator is reported never to have understood what any of that was all about.
** NOVEMBER 30 , 1:15 P.M. **
A white male, K A DEN VA N SLY K E , age two, walking in the Carstens Avenue area, responded to information from his mother, Ashleigh Van Slyke, age 21, that if he stepped on a crack, he would break his mother’s back, by immediately doing so. Ms. Van Slyke then crumpled to the sidewalk and launched into a theatrical and highly convincing pantomime of excruciating back pain, complete with moans of agony and plaintive requests for morphine. The perpetrator then proceeded to scream so loudly and for so long that the two of them were barred from boarding the 1:24 bus to Five Points.
J. Robert Lennon is the author of six novels and the story collection, Pieces for the Left Hand. He teaches writing at Cornell University and at LSA’s Bear River Writers’ Conference. Interested in taking a class at the Bear River Writers’ Conference? Check out www.lsa.umich.edu/bearriver.
SPRING 2011 / LSA Magazine
Published on May 10, 2011