September 20, 2012 – Lovely County Citizen – Page
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Community Writing Program Spotlight Getting real about growing old As I approached 60, I thought a lot about retirement. On one hand, I wanted to leave my current position and do something different. On the other, I worried about preparing financially for retirement. Unfortunately, no one told me how to prepare emotionally and psychologically. The first Monday I woke up and didn’t have to go to work was heavenly. After a few months, I was restless. Prone to introspection, I now had plenty of time to think about the meaning of my life. What was I supposed to do? What kind of schedule should I keep? Shouldn’t I be helping someone? Where were the rewards that I used to get from working toward a better job evaluation, a higher salary, a promotion? No one said, “Job well done.” I missed that. Life seemed empty and pointless. I was lonely. I missed the daily interaction at work, at restaurants, and on the street. If I wanted to see other people, I had to take action to make it happen. I wanted meaningful encounters, not just
Next Community Writing workshops: n Saturday, Sept. 22, Intro to Fiction, $45 for the day. n Saturday, Oct. 6, Fiction II, $45 for the day. n Sunday, Oct. 14, Poetry with Don Lee, $25 for the afternoon n Saturday, Oct. 20, Memoir with Laura Parker Castoro (lauracastoro. com.) $45 for the day. Saturday, Oct. 27, Fiction III, $45
get-togethers with others to pass time. I even started to brood over how much time I had left to pass. When I met someone new and went through the customary introductions of name and job, I was lost. What was my job? My identity? I had no label, no title. I felt that people dismissed me when I announced that I was retired. Usually, the new acquaintance didn’t even ask, “Retired from what?” I felt shuffled into a box I didn’t want to be in. In retrospect, I realize I was dismissing myself. I felt like a nobody. By the second year of retirement, I speculated that others might have comparable difficulties transitioning into retirement. I brought the topic up with other women approximately my age and learned of similar, and different, struggles. Some women are financially unable to retire. Some are raising grandchildren or caring for elderly parents. Some face life alone following the deaths of parents and husbands. Most of us feel that we face these challenges alone. As we age, our world shrinks. We have less contact with peers. We seldom have opportunities to discuss our true feelings about being old—our fears, secret desires, satisfactions, and dreams. Most of us don’t ask our friends such blunt questions as, “How do you feel to have a wrinkled face?” Instead, we talk superficially about the people who are getting face-lifts and other cosmetic surgery. Furthermore, we don’t ask others if they resent the time they spend taking care of elderly parents, if they feel fulfilled in their current lives, or if they have intimate and baffling physical issues. I’m reminded of a comment by Albert Einstein: “There is
Alice French is retired from a career in television, having been a producer and host of a daily women’s talk show. Her book, “Happy Birthday, Adjusting to Life’s Changes as Birthdays Keep on Coming,” is based on her conversations with hundreds of women over 60. The book candidly discusses the many challenges of aging including finances, caregiving, sex and grief. Happy Birthday is available from Amazon.com and can be ordered through the BookNook in Pine Mountain Village and Sew in Heaven in Holiday Island.
To support the emerging local writers of the Community Writing Program at the Writers’ Colony at Dairy Hollow, the Lovely County Citizen is providing space each week to showcase their work. Pieces will be selected by the program manager, and students must have taken at least one workshop in the Community Writing Program, which was launched on July 21. Selections from instructors and student mentors of the program will also be presented. For more information email alisontaylorbrown@me.com.
so much coldness in the world because we do not dare to be as cordial as we really are.” We play the role, but in truth, we yearn to be ourselves—to be real. I started to dream of friends who would help each other navigate honestly through the years after sixty. A community of women who understood like no other group could. I wanted to talk about what shaped us into the women we are today and how we could consciously learn to age happily. Where we could learn from each other all the baffling surprises associated with growing old. A community of women to hold our hand in the hard times, quietly telling us how they made it through. And to celebrate our success when we found a path that suited us. This dream rattled around in my head for ten years. Circumstances in my life came together and opened unexpected doors, and I started taking action to create such a community. I invited women to attend small group discussions to talk about what it’s like to be our age. I didn’t know if anyone would come to these discussions, but soon the groups were in full swing. Women were enthusiastically joining and returning week after week. I detected a hunger for getting real about growing old. I discovered that, as old women, we aren’t giving up on life. We want to live life to the fullest until we’re gone, but that isn’t always easy to do. By sharing our sorrows, fears, frustrations, and roadblocks, as well as our joys and adventures, we’re no longer alone in the process of aging. We embrace each other and our ages with pride and a sense of belonging to a special society. What a stimulating experience— intimate and intellectual! At last, I’ve
This Week’s Author: Alice French
found my dream community of women sixty and older. With them, I’ve talked about every topic under the sun that relates to living life in the golden years, as people euphemistically say. Aging is a complex process full of upheavals, complicated relationships, health issues, and unconventional living arrangements. From our decades of living, we’ve learned valuable lessons. We’ve achieved a measure of wisdom and happiness. We have a significant perspective on life-as-we-knew-it in the twentieth century and an understanding of how we want to live in the twenty-first. We’re proud to be old women,. to have survived, to be coping today. We’re so confident about our place in the world that we call ourselves little old ladies. That’s what people call us behind our backs, anyway. So we’re bringing it out in the open and embracing it. My friends and I are enthusiastic about sharing our ideas and encouraging other women to form their own groups, intentional circles of friends where the conversations are about navigating the years beyond middle age. As pioneers of aging in the twenty-first century, we want to help you and other women grow and be old with elegance, simplicity, and beauty, surrounded by interesting, nurturing friends who enrich your life and allow you to enrich theirs. Alice ‘s book, “Happy Birthday, Adjusting to Life’s Changes as Birthdays Keep on Coming,” gives detailed instructions on forming a conversation group of your own, to create the support network that we need as we age. Her book is available on Amazon.com and at the BookNook in Pine Mountain Village and Sew in Heaven in Holiday Island.