23 Things Men Wished You Knew… But Would Never Tell You To Your Face – By Anna Wilson Have you ever wondered why some men fall in love and stay in love, while others lose interest in women they once loved? Have you ever wondered why some men are just not interested in you, while they fall in love with women who you know you are a better catch than? The thing is, the male mind doesn’t work the same way our female brains do… …You’ll discover that from reading about the first secret coming up soon, but first I wanted to let you know about how this report came about, so you know that the information is real and worth listening to! It all started a couple of years ago when my best friend Michelle got dumped by her husband of 4 years. She was still relatively young at 36, but didn’t have children yet, so the clock was ‘ticking’ so to speak. She had never felt so alone and let down by ‘him’ and was utterly devastated. For starters he had taken about 7 years of dating before they got married, and even after they were married he stalled and stalled before having children. And then he ended up leaving her, and very shortly after met another woman! As you might imagine, her self-esteem was shot to pieces, and her trust for men was at an all-time low. Being a relationships coach, I wanted to help her but being my sister, she only wanted me to give her a hug and support – She didn’t want ‘my’ advice. But I managed to convince her that it would at least be a great idea to hear what MEN themselves have to say. So we devised a comprehensive survey, full of questions that probed men to find out what they REALLY want in a woman, and what makes them stay in love, and why some men lose interest in a woman, and so forth. We managed to get this filled out by 360 men, which we thought was quite an effort and it seemed to be a great number as there were a lot of patterns and recurring themes throughout the answers. Michelle thought she was going to start hating men after the survey as she was expecting some chauvinistic answers, but she was pleasantly surprised and almightily enlightened. Page 2
She discovered men, good ones at least, were as vulnerable and wanting to meet ‘Mrs Right’ as women wanted to meet and be with ‘Mr Right’ Most men didn’t want one night stands and short term flings after all, that wasn’t the issue at all. But men sure did want different things and after analyzing the findings, and doing other research on male psychology, we distilled our findings down to…
…The 23 Laws of Success with Men While success with men depends on a myriad of factors, there are certain basic tenets, or laws, that can be hugely instrumental in helping you attain the kind of successful relationship you would love to have. Not only can these laws of success with men help you attain a good relationship with a great guy, but if you take a little time to familiarize yourself with them and put some thought into each one and how it can be applied to your own love life, these 23 laws can also help you retain a good relationship once you have it. This is important because it seems to be a problem for many women---keeping a man interested and committed to her once the initial attraction and “honeymoon” phase of the relationship has come and gone. Not being able to hold on to a man’s affections for any length of time is a common theme among women from every walk of life. In many cases, you are able to attract men that might be ideal life partners, but you can’t keep them from losing interest and fading out of your life after a while. These laws of success with men can provide help in that area, too. You can discover ways to keep your man interested and committed to being with you…..unlock the mysteries of how some women manage to find and hold the men they want…..and learn things about yourself that are key to being successful with men. Here are the 23 Secrets to Success with Men---read and learn!
Secret # 1 R-E-S-P-E-C-T If men revealed one of the primary things they want and need from a relationship, they might sing you a few lyrics of a tune that amazing songstress, soul sister Aretha Franklin, once belted out: “R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me!” Respect. If you want to be successful with men, it is absolutely essential to show a man that you respect him. You may feel that respect but take it for granted that he knows how you feel without expressing it and chances are---he doesn’t.
Study after study and tons of research on what men want from women have consistently shown that high on the Wish List for most men is respect. This is crucial to a relationship of any kind and even more so when you are in a romantic relationship. In his book “Love and Respect, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says this: “Women need love. Men need respect. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.” He goes on to reveal findings from his study of 400 males in which 74% said that if they had to choose, they would rather feel alone and unloved than disrespected and inadequate. That should be an eye opener for you if you had any lingering doubts about how strongly men feel about being respected in a relationship. Love and respect seem to be completely intertwined to men. What this boils down to is that if a man feels that he isn’t respected, he will feel unloved, as well. Why is respect such a critical issue with the majority of men? It has been theorized that this begins in childhood, when the emphasis for boy children and girl children is on different things as far as interaction with their peers. Boys want to win respect and admiration by excelling at sports or other “manly” type activities, while girls tend to seek love and affection from their playmates. This trend continues through life as men strive to stay on top of their game at the work place and at home. Most males want to be seen as problem solvers, the strong masculine presence that can step in and fix whatever the problem may be. If you treat a man with a lack of respect, you diminish his manhood. This is a state of affairs that will almost definitely have serious and grim repercussions for you eventually, because many men will not stay in a relationship with a woman who emasculates them in any way. Nor should they. In a recent survey of 360 men that asked them to list the top five traits most desired in their ideal woman, respect was alluded to in a high number of responses. Here are a few of the typical comments made by the survey participants: “…..She has to respect and love me for who I am.” “……She has to respect what I do for a living and the career I want to have, without wanting to control me or put me on a different path.” “…..She has to be a person who respects me as I do her.” “…..Loyalty and respect.” “…..Respects me, and knows how to ask nicely and pleasantly when she wants something from me.”
Time after time, when reading the top things these men surveyed want from women, respect was included in the list. So, it seems crystal clear that if you want to make a man feel loved and keep him committed to you and the relationship, it would behoove you to show him the respect he craves. If you have to pretend respect for a man because you don’t truly feel any---you don’t need to be involved with him anyway. Move on. It is important to realize that telling a man you respect him is not going to cut much ice with him if you don’t show it. For example, you could tell a man in words that you have the utmost respect for him, but if you behave toward him in disrespectful ways; that is the message that will come through loud and clear and have the biggest impact. How could you show disrespect to a man? Here is a scenario in which you would announce your disrespect: Your husband or significant other has given the children an order to go to bed at a certain time. You countermand this order and tell them they can stay up past that time. You might not have verbally asserted your lack of respect, but your actions spoke louder than words, didn’t they? Men have a need to be respected. Women who are savvy enough to show that respect will have a much better chance of success with men. It might take a little practice, but showing a man respect is a small thing that will reap big rewards for you!
Secret # 2: Develop a Healthy Self Confidence In order to attract the right kind of men, you must have a healthy amount of self confidence. If you are self confident and feel good about yourself and what you have to bring to the table in a relationship, men who are also emotionally healthy are attracted to this quality. Well rounded, psychologically healthy, self confident men value these traits in a woman and shy away from females who show an obvious lack of self esteem with little or no confidence in themselves. They are astute enough to realize that women with low self esteem are going to be needy….emotional bottomless pits that can never receive enough reassurance from a man no matter how much he expresses his love and devotion. These women will drain the life from a relationship and make their fear of being unworthy of a man’s love a self fulfilling prophecy. Why? Because eventually almost any man will grow weary of endlessly trying to shore up someone else’s feelings of self worth. When that happens, the man usually ends the relationship. Heads up: Most men want a woman who is self confident! In a survey of 347 men aged 15 to 65 and older, when asked about the traits that attracted them to a woman and contributed to their falling in love with a particular female, Page 5
many respondents stated self confidence and high self esteem as being very important to them in these areas. Here are some typical comments from men who participated in the survey: “…..Confidence. Independent.” “…..Likes herself for who she is.” “…..Someone who values herself instead of always putting herself down.” “…..Confidence about herself.” “…..Confidence, good self-image.” “…..She should have a great life going for herself.” Over and over and over again, men listed confidence, self confidence and self esteem as among the five most important traits they look for in a woman. They see such confidence as attractive and when you stop and think about it, this makes perfect sense. If you value yourself, others are more apt to value you, as well. This door swings both ways. For instance, if you attract emotionally stable, healthy men by having self confidence yourself, what type of men do you think you are liable to attract if the opposite is true and you have zero or little self confidence coupled with feelings of low self worth? Exactly. You will either attract men who: (a) Are also emotional cripples and therefore incapable of a healthy relationship since two people with low self esteem don’t add up to one healthy couple, or (b) Bottom feeders with all sorts of issues that deliberately seek out women who have self esteem problems because they are more easily manipulated and taken advantage of. Yes, unfortunately, there are those types of men out there and they can wreak havoc with women who had little self confidence going into the relationship. The good news is that, if you’re self confident and self assured, these men will avoid you like the plague. The last thing they want is an emotionally stable female because they wouldn’t be able to play the little mind games, systematic degradation and ill treatment they enjoy with women who have low self esteem. In fact, they’re cunning enough to realize that an emotionally healthy woman wouldn’t give them the time of day, so they don’t even approach them. Page 6
The lesson here is that to attract the sort of men that would be suitable for a viable relationship, you must be self confident and possess enough self esteem to signal that you are a person of value in your own right.
Secret # 3: Independence is a Virtue Ladies, every day should be Independence Day for you! You should glory in your independence….cultivate it….make being independent a top priority. What kind of independence? Every kind. Financial independence is always nice, of course. But, you should strive to be emotionally independent, too. Now, don’t make the mistake of confusing the term “independent” for being hard to get along with, argumentative or just plain old contrary. These are not attractive personality traits in either gender. Being independent means that you have your own life, your own routine, your own income and are not likely to be emotionally or financially dependent on a man. This is important to many men, maybe even most men, when all is said and done. While men appreciate being perceived as strong and manly, that doesn’t necessarily equate to a desire to have to prop someone else up in every way. In a recent survey of 279 men, when asked what was the one trait they would change about the woman in their lives, if they could; a high number of men responded that they would like for their women to be more independent, or less dependent, which amounts to the same thing. Here are some of the answers from the survey about what the respondents wished they could change about their women that illustrates how vital a role independence can play in a relationship: “…..more emotionally secure and able to live a life with me, not make me her life.” “…..An independent mind.” “…..I wish she had been more independent.” “…..She should have a great life going for herself.” “…..Independence, doesn't need me for everything.” “…..Don’t like dependency on men/using men.”
This was a recurring theme over and over again in the survey. A normal male does not want the role of the be-all and end-all of your entire existence. This puts a lot more pressure on a man than many are prepared to live with. If your guy knows that you have interests of your own, he is less likely to feel pressured to be your everything and then resent you for it. Independent women are perceived as strong and secure, which is a plus with men who are strong and secure. And really---would you want any other kind of man? Probably not. As far as being financially independent, this goes a long way toward maintaining the equilibrium in a relationship. Let’s face it, if you are completely dependent on a man for every facet of your life right down to the food you eat and the clothes you wear….can you really feel like an equal or be perceived as one by your partner? Even if you marry your dream boat and stay home being a full time mommy, you still need to have some financial independence. It might be just “pin money” as our grandmothers called it back in the day, to cover small personal expenses; but it is important to have some money of your own. With the advent of the internet, there are scads of opportunities for stay at home mothers to earn an income online, working the schedule that best suits their lifestyle. If you are still looking for that special someone, your chances of finding and keeping him when he comes along will be much higher if you work at maintaining your independence.
Secret # 4: Learn to Be Happy Alone If you want to be happy with somebody else, you must first learn to be happy alone. Too many women feel restless, unfulfilled and unhappy without a man. Although it is perfectly natural to want a partner for life and romantic love, it isn’t natural to be miserably unhappy without them. One thing you must understand before you can ever expect to be happy in a relationship is that nobody can make you happy. The only person on this earth that can make you happy is YOU. Happiness comes from within. It’s a state of mind….a place you reach inside yourself….a plateau of contentment and sense of well being that cannot be found in any outside source, including a man. The right man will add to your happiness, but you can’t expect any man---no matter how wonderful he may be---to transform you from miserable to happy in one fell swoop. It isn’t going to happen. You need to learn to be happy on your own so that when an ideal man does come along, Page 8
you bring that happiness into the relationship instead of dragging along a load of misery and expecting him to fix it. Besides being a nonrealistic expectation, this puts a huge amount of pressure on any man, more than most of them are prepared to bear and you will probably find yourself alone again sooner or later. Being happy by yourself is not an impossible dream, but it might take some attitude adjustments. When all is said and done, being happy is a choice. You can either choose to be happy---or unhappy. Life is so much easier, and better, when you choose to be happy! One of the main lessons about being happy alone is that you must learn to be your own best friend. You must learn to nurture yourself, to give yourself a metaphorical pat on the back for a job well done and console yourself when something in your life goes awry. If you practice being your own support system and best friend, you will soon realize that although it would be nice to have a significant other to do those things along with you; it isn’t necessary for your sense of happiness and well being. Don’t be afraid of your own company. If you’re the type who rushes frantically around helter skelter, going somewhere---anywhere---to avoid being alone, STOP. Slow down, take a deep breath, and start learning how to be alone without being lonely. Once you have mastered that life lesson, you will have so much more to bring to a relationship. When you are happy alone, you are more apt to attract stable, confident men. Your inner happiness is a magnet to men, they’re drawn to it and want to share it with you. Who wants to be around a Debbie Downer? There is an old saying that misery loves company and it aptly applies to the type of man you attract if you are miserable. If you are unhappy because you aren’t in a relationship, you are bound to attract unhappy men. Two unhappy people that team up aren’t going to magically morph into two happy people. If anything, each person’s misery will be magnified and multiplied by the addition of the other’s unhappiness. So, learn to be happy alone and once you’ve reached that plateau of inner joy….you can start attracting the kind of men that would be good candidates for a life partner.
Secret # 5: Get in Touch with Your Feminine Side Most men are drawn to feminine women. This is not to say that clingy, needy women are attractive to men because in most cases….they aren’t. But, the majority of men glory in the subtle differences between the sexes and appreciate a truly feminine female. Being feminine doesn’t mean that you can’t be independent, self assertive when necessary and able to hold your own in male company. It simply means that you allow your soft, feminine side to show in ways that men find attractive and appealing. Page 9
If you let your gentleness and femininity show, it often brings out the best in a man. Chivalry is not dead and modern men still bask in the glow of being a knight in shining armor for a Lady Fair. While it is important to be a friend to a man, this will only take you so far unless that is all you ever want to be. Men are not attracted in a romantic way to their homies. So, if you want to be perceived as feminine, don’t try to be the same type of pal as a man’s male friends. When asked to name the five traits they look for in a dream woman, a large proportion of the 360 men surveyed listed being feminine, either directly or in so many words. Here are some comments from the survey: “…..Feminine.” “…..Tender and nurturing.” “…..Good homemaker.” “…..Great cook.” “…..Good with children.” “…..Feminine charm.” “…..Sweet and feminine.” “…..Femininity.” “…..Be feminine.” We can probably interpret the traits of sweetness, being a good cook, homemaker and mother as equaling femininity to a lot of men. Men value independence, but they don’t want a competitor. They want a womanly, feminine female for a romantic relationship. There are various ways you can exhibit your feminine side without coming across as too dependent. For example, allow your date to open doors for you. Let him change your flat tire if he wants to, instead of calling roadside assistance. Don’t be afraid to show your softness and tenderness in feminine ways. When you show your feminine traits, this tends to make a man feel more masculine and manly, which is good for both of you. Get in touch with your feminine side. Let it shine through when appropriate and you will find that most men will respond very favorably to it.
Secret # 6: Don’t Be a Control Freak Are you a control freak? Do you feel that you must exert a tight control over every area of your life, including your relationships with the opposite sex? Does it seem likely to you that if you relinquish complete control in a relationship, your male partner will make a mess of things? If you answered yes to any or all of those questions, you will need to overcome your controlling nature if you hope to attract and hold the man of your dreams! Honestly, most men simply do not like a controlling woman. It is a turn-off to the average, red blooded male and a character trait that most don’t feel inclined to overlook. There are multiple reasons for this. First and foremost might be that if a woman strives to control every facet of the relationship and the couple’s life together, it sends the message that she doesn’t consider the man intelligent or capable enough to run any part of the show on his own. Hardly flattering, is it? This sort of control is a put down to the other person in a relationship. It implies that they are stupid, incompetent, ineffectual….the whole enchilada of negative attributes. It shouldn’t come as a surprise to learn that men don’t like being perceived this way, and who could blame them? But, when you insist on controlling everything down to the last little detail….that is basically the message you’re sending a man. If you are a control freak, all is not lost. You weren’t born that way. It was learned behavior and it can be un-learned. If you really want to be successful with men, it would definitely behoove you to start the process of relinquishing control NOW. To illustrate the point that the majority of men don’t like controlling women, let’s look at some of the results of a survey that asked 360 men what frustrated them most about women they had been in a relationship with or married to. Of the 340 who responded, more than a few commented on being frustrated by a woman who was too controlling. Here are just a few of the responses: “…..Controlling.” “…..Feeling forced or coerced to doing something or behaving in certain way.” “…..Too dependent and controlling.” “…..Just trying to have everything their way or no way.”
“…..They want to control the man.” “…..The need to control and to ' sit on top of me ' when I just need my own space.” Obviously, this is a big issue with men and in many cases, is almost certainly a deal breaker. So, take an honest look at yourself and determine whether or not you are a control freak. If you are, start overcoming those tendencies to rule everything with an iron hand or face a future minus a man for a healthy relationship.
Secret # 7: Be a Good Listener If you want a man to listen to you and what you have to say, you need to first learn to listen to him and really hear what he has to say. All too often, we have a tendency to talk at someone instead of with them. This can be the Kiss of Death to a romantic relationship. Nobody, male or female, wants to feel as though they’re talking into a void. Yet, if you are so busy trying to wow a man by babbling on and on about yourself, to the extent that the poor guy can’t get a word in edgewise and you’re so busy thinking about what you’re going to say next that his words don’t even register…..he will feel as though you have tuned him out. Which you have. This is so not the way to win friends and influence people and not the way to attract Mr. Right and keep him interested in you. If you want to be interesting to a man, you must be interested in him. It’s just that simple. Practice your listening skills and fine tune them. The next time you are out on a date, or talking to a man you would like to go out with, do a little less talking and a lot more listening. If you are genuinely interested in him, show it by truly listening to what he has to say. If you aren’t genuinely interested in what he has to say, then cut things off right then and there without wasting any more of your time or his! Don’t try to fake interest, either. Few people have such a lack of perception that they don’t pick up on whether someone’s interest in them is real or feigned. In a survey that asked 279 men that were currently in a relationship what they would change about their partner, being a good listener came up time and again. This is a trait that is important to most men and a wise woman would be well advised to sit up and take notice of some of the responses from the men surveyed: “…..Attentiveness.”
“…..Excellent Understanding & Communicator.” “…..Talk less and listen more.” “…..Talking 'at me' NOT 'with me' Why ... because it means she is not listening or not interested in my views or observations.” And more in this vein. If you are not currently top notch in the listening department, the situation isn’t hopeless. You can learn to be a good listener at any age. Sometimes, men and women alike may chatter out of nervousness. Do you fall into this category? When you are having a conversation with a man you are attracted to, do you sometimes catch yourself rattling on with barely a break to catch your breath, out of nervousness? This, too, can be corrected. When you next find yourself in this scenario, make a conscious effort to control your nervous gabbing and allow the man to speak. When he does---really listen! You will find that being a good listener will greatly enhance your attraction for the opposite sex.
Secret # 8: Keep It Real Sometimes, women want to find the perfect man so badly that they overlook glaring deficiencies or bad character traits in men, hoping that in spite of evidence to the contrary, this flawed individual will miraculously be transformed into someone for a good relationship. In extreme cases, a woman may ignore every red flag the man throws up, literally denying the existence of what is right before her eyes because she so desperately wants a relationship. This is a recipe for disaster and has led to disaster countless times. There is an old saying among country folk: “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.” Colorful, but true nonetheless. No matter how much you long to find the one ideal man, you can’t whip him up out of thin air by crediting someone with qualities he doesn’t possess just because you want him to have them. If a man isn’t kind, caring or compassionate, you can’t imagine him into being any other way. He is what he is and all of your wishing won’t change that. For example, you are out with a man and see him kick a friendly little dog that merely approached him in a non-threatening way. If you are desperate enough for a relationship and determined to find a way to make this Page 13
man someone you could love, you might try to gloss over the incident or conjure up some explanation for why the man was cruel. Maybe he was bitten by a dog when he was a child, you tell yourself, and so is irrationally terrified of canines as an adult and lashed out at the dog out of fear instead of inhumane cruelty. Maybe he was afraid the dog would bite you and kicked it away out of some misbegotten effort to be your protector. If you catch yourself making excuses for a man’s bad behavior…...watch out! In many cases, a man will tell a woman everything she needs to know about the inadvisability of trying to hook up with him long term. He might say, for instance, that he doesn’t like or want children, or that he doesn’t intend to get married, or that he isn’t able to be faithful to any one woman. Instead of taking this information for what it is---the cold, hard truth---some women who intensely want him to be their soul mate in the face of all evidence to the contrary will refuse to heed his all too revealing words. They either tune them out completely, or they spin little fantasies to the effect that even though the man said he didn’t want children or to get married, they could change his mind. It doesn’t work that way, as many women in denial have learned the hard way. If a man tells you he isn’t the faithful type---believe him. If he says that he will never get married---take it to the bank. If he has a bad attitude toward woman and is disrespectful, contemptuous or even abusive---don’t ignore it and try to convince yourself he doesn’t mean it. He does mean it. When those warning flags wave, keep it real and move on.
Secret # 9: Look Your Best Men are visual. Once you recognize this incontrovertible fact, you will understand that smart women work at looking their best in order to be attractive to men. Before getting more deeply into this topic, let’s clarify something: Looking your best and being attractive to men does not mean that you have to be a raving beauty. Not by a long shot. Some of the most legendary women in history, those that had men at their feet, were not considered great beauties. But, these women were fascinating to men because of other qualities. Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Even though men are very visual, who do you think most of them would prefer for a serious, long term relationship: (a) A beautiful woman who was cold, controlling, manipulating, greedy and all sorts of other unappetizing things, or
(b) A woman who made the most of her looks and although not beautiful, kept herself looking nice and was warm, caring, compassionate, undemanding and other things that men value in a female? Right! Beauty alone won’t get you too far with men in the long run. Still, you should always do your best to look your best. This means good hygiene, clean, shiny hair, neat and attractive clothing, etc. A warm, genuine, infectious smile is perhaps one of the most attractive things about anyone and you can count on being attractive to men if you have this kind of radiant smile, regardless of how much physical beauty you possess or don’t possess. A survey that asked men to list the top five traits their dream woman would possess showed how important it is to most males that a woman keep up her appearance. Here are some of the replies: “…..Takes care of herself as in hygiene and appearance.” “…..Taking care of herself.” “…..Attractive.” “…..Neat and inviting at all times.” “…..Attractive - takes care of herself.” “…..Neatness.” Of the 66 men surveyed, a large percentage of them alluded to neatness, personal hygiene and generally taking care of herself and her appearance as extremely important to them. It seems apparent that if you want to attract and hold a man, you should make every effort to keep yourself clean, neat and well groomed. A conventionally beautiful face and body might attract a man in the first place, but these things wouldn’t be enough to keep him around by themselves. In the final analysis, simply keeping up your appearance is what matters the most. Contrary to that old axiom….love isn’t blind!
Secret # 10: Try a Little Tenderness Males have long been leery of allowing their more tender feelings to show, believing this is less macho and makes them seem like wimps. By the same token, they are often Page 15
loath to ask for tenderness from a woman. But, that doesn’t mean that they don’t want it and won’t appreciate tenderness if they get it. When it gets right down to the nitty gritty, men usually like being shown some tenderness and will respond well to it. Sometimes, when a woman treats a man with tenderness, this opens the door for him to reciprocate, which creates a win-win situation for both parties. Although no one would argue that there aren’t many fundamental, inherent differences between men and women, at the end of the day we are all human beings with a lot of the same emotional wants and needs. Think about an occasion when someone treated you with tenderness. Didn’t it give you a warm, good feeling? Didn’t you feel kindly toward the person dispensing the tenderness and view them in a positive light? The average man will react and respond the same way. This doesn’t mean that you should go all misty eyed and syrupy sweet every time you’re with a man. It means that at the appropriate times, when a little tenderness and caring would probably make him feel better if he has had a bad experience or a loss of some sort, you show him some tenderness. You might be surprised at the benefits this will reap for your relationship. When you show tenderness to a man, you are showing him that you genuinely care and empathize with him in whatever it is he’s going through. During hard times, we all like to feel that someone is in our corner….someone that cares for us and is truly sorry for our pain, sadness or whatever other negative emotions are at work with us. Men are no different. If you want to maintain a close, loving relationship with a man, try a little tenderness!
Secret # 11: Communicate Did you know that communication---or the lack thereof---is one of the top frustrations many men experience in their relationships with women? The importance of learning to be a good communicator cannot be stressed enough. It plays a major role in your ability to attract the man of your dreams and keep him by your side; in love with you. Great communication can elevate a so-so relationship to a great relationship and in some cases, save a relationship that is on the rocks. Have you ever felt hurt and frustrated because you felt that a man failed to understand Page 16
what you wanted or needed from him? Did you ever throw up your hands in defeat and walk away from a relationship when your partner just didn’t “get” you, despite what you considered your best efforts? This is a fairly frequent occurrence in any interaction between the sexes for both men and women alike. Why is communication between men and women often such a problem? There is scientific data and a great deal of research to show that the greatest barrier to good communication between men and women is that they communicate differently. This begins during childhood, when girls tend to choose other girls as playmates and boys gravitate toward other boys. Girls and boys develop different communication styles. Girls will usually have fewer playmates than boys and will talk more, confiding in their friends, telling secrets and sharing feelings. Boys, on the other hand, are more likely to play in larger groups of other boys and use language to show their status by the demonstration of their abilities or skills, as well as challenging other boys. So, as time goes on, these two very different methods of communication carry on into adulthood and what do you have then? You have females who are apt to talk more than males and be more open about their feelings, and males who are more action oriented and likely to show rather than tell how they feel. Obviously, this is not conducive to a harmonious relationship. But, it can be vastly improved if you take some time to work on understanding how most men communicate and adapt your own communication style just a bit, to accommodate these differences and facilitate understanding between the two of you. It will be well worth the effort! To give you an idea of just what a hot spot communication is with men when dealing with women, look at some of these responses from a survey that asked men what they would change about their women if they could: “…..Communication.” “…..Lack of communication.” “…..Say what you mean and mean what you say.” “…..I can’t read her mind.” “…..Not in a relationship (6 months) but it seems to always be the communication issue for me.” “…..Very secretive and non-communicative about important issues.”
“…..Want excellent understanding & communicator.” Communication, or the ability to be a good communicator, was also mentioned numerous times in a survey that asked men to name the top five traits they wanted in a dream woman. There can be no doubt that learning how to be a good communicator with the opposite sex is extremely instrumental in your success with men.
Secret # 12: Neediness Does Not Become You Can we tell it like it is? Neediness is a turn off, in either gender and in any relationship. When someone is too needy, our instinct is usually to pull away and get some distance. Needy people, whether they are friends, romantic partners or even coworkers, make most of us feel smothered and frankly, annoyed. To a lot of men, a needy woman is their worst nightmare. Most males, at some point or another, have gotten involved with a needy woman and are exceedingly gun shy about ever having to extricate themselves from this type of female again, avoiding them like Typhoid Mary. If you really want to be successful men, don’t be needy! When someone is needy, they come across as weak, insecure and with low self confidence. They come across this way because they are this way. Strangely enough, a woman might be terrifically strong and self confident in other areas of her life, such as her career, but be a total mass of quivering neediness when involved in a romantic relationship. There are undoubtedly tons of psychological reasons for this phenomenon. However, if you are needy, for whatever reason---get over it! Neediness is unappealing to the average man and if you display that lamentable trait, he’s liable to disappear so fast you won’t even see him take off. As we talked about earlier, men like confident, independent women. Few men are interested in a clinging vine and it’s a safe bet that the ones who would prefer a needy woman are dysfunctional themselves. First, make an honest assessment of your attachment style with men. Are you high maintenance, requiring a lot of time and attention? Do you constantly feel the need for reassurance and reaffirmations of the man’s feelings for you? Would you love being able to hang a GPS device on him and track his movements 24/7? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions…..you are needy. In order to attract the right kind of men and hold their interest, you absolutely must conquer the worst of your neediness.
The same survey mentioned earlier that asked 360 men about the top five traits they looked for in their ideal woman had a litany of answers regarding NOT wanting a needy female. Look at some of the typical comments: “…..Not needy.” “…..Low maintenance.” “…..Independence (doesn't need me for everything)” “…..Isn't a drama queen and needy.” “…..Not so needy.” “…..Independent (not clingy)” It appears patently obvious that neediness is unattractive to men. So, it follows that if you want to be attractive to men, you won’t be needy.
Secret # 13: A Little Mystery is a Good Thing If you think that in order for a romantic relationship to be successful each person should be an open book---you’re wrong. The plain, unvarnished truth is that a little mystery is a good thing. A woman who retains a touch of mystery is attractive to men. She has an aura of mystique that often challenges a man to plumb her spiritual depths and learn more about her. It’s a challenge few men can resist! If you have a compulsion to spill everything about yourself to a man as soon as possible, resist it. Instead, be like a flower, opening one petal at a time….slowly….and never open them all. Bear in mind that men and women both like a challenge and that nobody puts as much value on something too easily come by. As the legendary showman P.T. Barnum once said: “Always leave them wanting more.” This rule is every bit as applicable to being successful with men as anything else in life. It doesn’t mean that you should try to play mind games with a man or tell deliberate falsehoods. Being a little mysterious means letting him know that you have many layers and that everything about you is not superficial. Mysterious women are so attractive to men that songs have been written about them and one of the world’s most famous paintings depicts a woman of mystery….the Mona Lisa. How many have wondered what the enigmatic, ultra mysterious Mona Lisa is smiling about? Page 19
As for songs, Bruce Springsteen’s hit recording “Secret Garden” is all about a mysterious woman who keeps a part of herself to herself. “She'll lead you down a path There'll be tenderness in the air She'll let you come just far enough So you know she's really there Then she'll look at you and smile And her eyes will say She's got a secret garden Where everything you want Where everything you need Will always stay A million miles away” A hint of mystery is intriguing. It’s attractive, challenging and last but not least---it’s sexy in every way! To attract a man and continue to hold his interest, retain some mystery. He’ll love you for it!
Secret # 14: Honesty is the Best Policy When it comes to being successful with men, honesty really is the best policy! As a matter of fact, most men who perceive a woman as being less than honest are quite unhappy about this dishonesty and it can be a major issue in the relationship. Enough so that some men will end the relationship if they don’t believe they can rely on a woman’s honesty in certain areas or every area. Studies have shown that men value honesty in a relationship more than women do, or at least place more emphasis on it. Is total, uncompromising honesty always a good thing? Probably not. Most of us tell little white lies from time to time to spare someone’s feelings. This happens in romantic relationships, as well. For instance, if a man you were in a serious, committed relationship asked whether or not your former boyfriend or significant other was a better lover….what would you say? If the man in your previous relationship really was a better lover---would you say so? Not if you want to keep the man you’re with or spare his feelings, you wouldn’t. As the Arabs say: “It is good to know the truth, but it is better to speak of palm trees.” So there are times when it is better to fudge a little on the truth. On the other hand, there are more times when honesty should be the order of the day and of the relationship in Page 20
general. Men put a premium on honesty and the sooner you understand that, the higher your chances of keeping the man you want. Looking again at one of the surveys mentioned earlier, about what top five traits men look for in their ideal woman; honesty crops up over and over again. Check out some of these responses: “…..Honest.” “…..Honesty and trust.” “…..Honesty.” “…..Honest, straight forward.” “…..Honesty in her attitude to me.” And more in that vein. This was a repetitive refrain from the men who were surveyed. They want a woman who is honest with them. Another survey, asking a group of men from assorted age groups what frustrated them most about women, also received a high number of responses centering around a lack of honesty. “…..That they are not being honest.” “…..Dishonesty.” “…..LYING.” “…..Their honesty and not willing to be open about the issue.” “…..Frustration about women already dated is lack of honesty and commitment.” “…..NOT TELLING THE TRUTH.” “…..Lack of honesty.” Can there be any doubt that honesty is an important issue with men? If you want to be successful with men, honesty is critical to the relationship. But, if they ask you about their sexual prowess as compared to former lovers…..speak of palm trees!
Secret # 15: Fine Tune Your Flirting Skills One of the things men find most attractive and appealing in a purely feminine way is a woman who has mastered the art of flirting. Page 21
Fine tuning your flirting skills can play a huge part in attracting men and keeping them interested once the initial attraction is a thing of the past. Men love to have a woman flirt with them! It’s flattering to their egos, it makes the woman seem more alluring and attractive to them and they perceive a woman who knows how to flirt as sexy and worth their time and attention. Unfortunately, flirting as a feminine art form has waned during the past few decades. This might be due to the whole feminist movement and considered as too “submissive” by some liberated women. But, as wise women know, flirting doesn’t have to make you appear weak or too eager to curry male favor. Almost every normal male will respond favorably to a bit of well practiced flirtation. To be effective in flirting, it must be done correctly. Like so many other things, there is a right way and a wrong way to flirt and sometimes it may seem to be a fine line between the two. Generally speaking, you should flirt in a way that is noticeable enough to capture a man’s interest and attention, but not come on so strong that you seem to be promising more than you are planning to deliver---right away, anyhow. A woman who does this is often seen as a tease by men. This is not a good impression to make as most men don’t like a woman who is a sexual tease. So, you don’t want to cross that line. Your challenge, in flirting, is to get the point across that you find a man attractive and might be interested in getting to know him better without being perceived as a slut or a tease. But, not to worry. You can do it! Try casually brushing against his arm, making and holding eye contact long enough to send a clear signal, lightly touching his shoulder or hand….along with many other flirtatious techniques that would serve you well. Don’t save flirting for capturing a man’s attention and then put it on the shelf once the relationship is cemented. To be successful with men, consider flirting as something that should be an ongoing thing and a way to keep your man wanting to be with you. A word of caution: While most men enjoy female flirting, don’t practice it on their friends or other men while in their presence. They don’t like that at all and why should they? Some women believe that they can breathe fresh fire into a romance that has gone cold by openly flirting with other men, thereby making the current man jealous of them. It generally doesn’t work that way. If anything, this type of behavior would make a man who was wavering in his affections for you decide to leave you that much faster. Practice and hone your flirting skills to increase your chances of success with men!
Secret # 16: Set Boundaries If you want to be successful with men, you must learn how to set boundaries. Boundary setting is not something you hear about every day and perhaps not something you have ever given much thought to, but if you really want to be successful in a relationship, it will benefit you to set personal boundaries. What does it mean when you set boundaries? Basically, you might think of it as drawing a line in the sand and then standing firm behind it, with the implicit understanding that it is not to be crossed. If this sounds hostile or confrontational to you, it isn’t. Setting boundaries goes hand in hand with dignity and respect in any relationship and is a simple matter of making sure you preserve those things. Before you begin to set boundaries, you must decide what your personal boundaries really are in a romantic relationship. For instance, if you are dating a man and he is late for no valid reason or stands you up, will you continue to go out with him? Or will you set some boundaries and stick to them about how much of this sort of thing you are willing to go along with? If a man is chronically very late, throwing a monkey wrench into plans the two of you had made for the evening, will you overlook it and accept it as business as usual? Or will you decide that three strikes and he’s out? Boundary setting might apply to many areas in a relationship. Some things might be more important to you than others. Maybe you can overlook certain things but not be willing to turn a blind eye to others in order to maintain the relationship. Your boundaries will be uniquely your own. Take some time to sit down and think about them, so that you have a clear idea of what they are. This way, when you meet a man and start dating him, you will have those boundaries firmly in place and feel comfortable about them. Knowing what boundaries are important to you is a matter of self awareness. You will have to tune into your feelings to identify the types of things that make you most uncomfortable, or feeling that the other person is violating your personal set of boundaries. Should you keep your boundaries to yourself? No, although there is probably no need to mention particular boundaries if your romantic partner hasn’t encroached on them. But, if you are involved with someone who is crossing the line in some way, you should say so. You don’t have to be combative about it, but be direct and firm. Let the person know that a certain behavior is not acceptable Page 23
and stick to your guns. Men respect a woman who sets boundaries and doesn’t allow herself to be treated badly or have those boundaries ignored. Setting boundaries is healthy and instrumental in being successful with men.
Secret # 17: You Aren’t His Mother Women who want to be successful with men understand that even though most men appreciate a feminine woman with a softer, nurturing side….they don’t want to be mothered. You might think that this sounds like walking a tightrope and it may well be, to some extent. But, if you’re serious about wanting to attract and hold the man of your dreams, this is an area you need to understand. There are various reasons why coming across as motherly in a romantic relationship is a bad idea. First of all, many men perceive a woman as motherly when she constantly tells him what to do, or punishes him in some way, or nags him about this and that, or other maternal type behavior. You can get away with some of this and call it concern for his well being, but only up to a point. If your motherly behavior goes past a certain point, you will discover that your man is responding in a negative way. Men don’t appreciate being treated like children. Besides feeling resentful about being “mothered” in a romantic relationship, this behavior is very likely to sabotage a man’s libido and sexual attraction toward you. After all, what normal male perceives his mother as sexy? So, when a man feels that you are being too motherly, it stirs up all sorts of feelings that will have a bad effect on the relationship. He is likely to see you as being bossy and controlling at the same time his sexual interest in you begins to go south. This is not the way to maintain a relationship! A recent survey asked a group of male respondents what made them lose interest in a woman. A lot of the replies might be reasonably interpreted as their dislike for a woman who acted in too motherly a fashion. Look at some of these comments and judge for yourself: “…..*Nagging*” “…..Bossy.”
“…..Tries to tell me what to do.” If you find yourself sounding maternal, scolding your man like a little boy for not wiping his feet when he comes through the front door, or chiding him because he didn’t eat all of his veggies, etc.…..STOP. You are not his mother. He has, or at least had at some point, a mother and it isn’t you. He wants you to care for him and about him in a loving way, but not in a motherly way. If you want to be successful with a man, don’t act like his mother!
Secret #18: Don’t Try a Makeover Too many woman make the fatal mistake of trying to change a man after they have entered into a relationship and learn to their sorrow that it doesn’t work. This is one of the most critical aspects of being successful with men. Don’t try to change them! If you have this irresistible urge to do a makeover on something, work on yourself or your house, but not your man. Men resent a woman trying to make them over and can you really blame them? Who wants to feel that their love interest doesn’t like them the way they are? A lot of men wonder why, if a woman was attracted to them in the first place, she should set in to change them as soon as possible. From that perspective, one can understand why they’re puzzled. The thing for you to keep in mind, though, is that for whatever reason you want to change and rearrange a man---it isn’t going to work and all you will succeed in doing is alienating him. If you meet a man who seems almost perfect for you, but has a few quirks or traits or habits that you don’t much like, ask yourself if these little faults or foibles are things you can live with long term. If not…..move on. Going full steam ahead with the relationship and keeping your true feelings about what you perceive as his flaws to yourself with the intention of changing him once you are married or at least living together in a committed relationship is a very bad idea. Women who do this are setting themselves---and the relationship---up to fail. What you should understand is that nobody is perfect. You either accept his little idiosyncrasies or not. If you pretend to accept them and then, at a later date, start chipping away at him in an effort to make him different in some way, he will be doubly resentful because you concealed your true feelings for him for an indeterminate length of time. In effect, you will be attempting to make your problems with something about him his problems. He will not like this. Page 25
A group of men were surveyed and asked what had ever made them lose interest in a woman. Quite a few mentioned that they lost interest when a woman tried to change them. Check out a few of the responses: “…..Wants to change me, can't accept me for who/what I am.” “…..Too much criticism of me.” “…..Very picky, demanding and overly critical.” “…..Became less approving and accepting of me.” These comments and many more clearly show that the majority of men don’t take too kindly to a woman trying to change them. If you really want to be successful with men….accept the incontrovertible fact that a man is what he is and trying to make him over into a different version of himself is an exercise in futility, besides being certain doom for the relationship. That femme fatale of the Silver Screen, the legendary Mae West, may have summed up the whole issue about trying to change a man: “Don't marry a man to reform him -- that's what reform schools are for.”
Secret # 19: Compliments Work Wonders A wise woman who understands human nature realizes that all of us want admiration and approval. When it comes to men, flattery may not get you everywhere, but it will take you a lot further than being critical or withholding words of praise or compliments. This doesn’t mean that you should shower a man with saccharine sweet words of praise you don’t really feel, because he will spot your insincerity and feel insulted or demeaned by it. At the very least, he will lose respect for you. So, don’t fawn and flatter in a cloying manner, but do bestow sincere, heartfelt compliments and praise where appropriate. Many women expect a man to be complimentary to them….telling them that they look great in a certain dress or that their hair is pretty and more along those lines. But, these same women sometimes fail to take into account that men like to receive compliments and verbal affirmations of their good qualities, too. The truth is that men need a pat on the head every now and then just the same as women! Is your date wearing an especially nice shirt? Tell him! Does he have a sexy voice? Say Page 26
so! Do you admire his driving skills or something he else he does well? Let him know! Everyone has an innate need to feel valuable, appreciated and receive warm words of commendation from others; especially a romantic partner whose opinion of us often rates just a bit higher than the average friend or coworker. When you are attracted to a man, isn’t it nice when he lets you know that he finds you pleasing in some way? Of course, it is! Men have that need for approval, too, and if you fulfill that need; it will reap benefits for you in the relationship. Don’t think of this as manipulative behavior, because it really isn’t. When you offer genuine words of praise or pay someone a bona fide compliment, it isn’t manipulation. If, on the other hand, you heap praise on someone and pay them compliments you don’t mean in an attempt to curry favor….that is manipulative behavior. Surely, if you are attracted to a man, you can find things to compliment him on. If you can’t manage to dredge up at least a few words of honest flattery for things you admire or approve of about him….you don’t need to be with the man, anyway. If you want to be successful with men, be generous in your compliments and approval! Secret # 20: Be Trusting and Trustworthy Don’t get the idea that because this law is further down the list it isn’t as important as others, because it most emphatically is! Trust is one of the most sensitive issues with the majority of men. They want to be able to trust you and they want you to trust them. It is a hot button issue and one that comes up with regularity in surveys given to men about their relationships with women. When asked in the aforementioned survey what five traits they would want in their ideal woman, being able to trust and be trusted popped up in a high percentage of answers from the male participants, in one form or another. Check out some of these responses and you can get an idea as to just how very important the whole area of trust is in all respects. “…..She's loyal.” “…..Loyalty.” “…..Faithful.” “…..Trust.” “…..Fidelity.” “…..TRUSTFUL.” Page 27
“…..Trustworthiness.” “…..Faithfulness.” When asked in different surveys what caused them to end a relationship or lose interest in a woman, look at some of the answers the male respondents gave: “…..Unfaithful.” “…..Cheated on me.” “…..Having affairs.” “…..Non monogamous.” “…..Jealousy.” “…..Infidelity.” “…..Untrusting.” “…..Cheating or having other relationship apart from me.” “…..A little jealousy is very nice, but extremes get old really quickly.”
Can there be any doubt that trust is a huge deal with men? There are psychologists who theorize that the whole thing with trust and men goes back to the dawn of civilization and up through the ages when men were away from hearth and home for extended periods of time, either fighting enemies or hunting for food. Women were left alone, untended, during these absences and men may have needed to feel that their women were 100% trustworthy to ensure paternity of offspring. This seems logical. There can be no doubts about maternity, since a female is the sex that carries the child and gives birth to it. Paternity, though, is a horse of a different color. Before the time of DNA tests, men had no way of being completely certain a child born to their woman was really theirs. Short of keeping a woman under lock and key during any time they were away from her, there was no way of guaranteeing her faithfulness. This was why chastity belts were invented and we probably don’t have to wonder whether they were a male or female invention, do we? There have been notable tales of warriors and knights who left a trusty comrade to watch over a wife that might be tempted to stray, only to discover upon their return that it Page 28
was a case of setting a fox to guard the hen house because the watcher and watched had developed amorous feelings for each other in the interim. King Arthur, for instance, left Sir Lancelot to guard his queen, Guinivere, and they fell in love with each other almost before the king had ridden over the drawbridge, away from the castle. So, we can understand the origins of men’s need to trust their women. Of course, this is not only a male issue, women need to feel that they can trust their men, as well. But, to be successful with men, you must understand just how serious a matter trust is to them and work at being trustworthy. Men want you to trust them, too, but quite honestly this doesn’t seem to be as critical as their trust in you. If you want to maintain a great relationship with a man, be sure to make him feel secure in trusting you.
Secret # 21: Respect His Space You have probably heard some of the talk about men needing space. It isn’t just so much psycho babble. It’s true. Men need space and women do, too. We all have a need for a small, private and inviolate place where we can retreat within ourselves if the urge strikes us. An inner sanctum, a safe haven for the mind and spirit where we can be completely alone. The long held theory that males have a greater need for “space” than females has been largely debunked during the past few years after studies have shown that married men, at least, actually need less space than their spouses. In his book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus,” author John Gray espoused the belief that men require considerably more space than women and many of us have been operating on that basis. Whether it is entirely true or not, the fact is that men do need space from time to time, just as you do. When a man retreats into his “cave” and makes it obvious he has gone there to be alone and work some things out for himself or merely for a breather from the relationship, you should respect this and not hassle him about it. This is not easy for the average female. When a man vanishes into his cave, for whatever reason, your first instinct might be to poke him with a sharp stick and make him come out. You must resist this impulse!
Leave him alone. Give him the space he needs. In all probability, he will emerge in a good frame of mind, ready to throw himself back into the relationship. Having said that, if a man retreats into his own space too often, you might have a problem. While needing personal space occasionally is natural and normal, a man who does this a lot might not be someone you will be able to sustain a relatiosnhip with as he may have too many personal problems to allow any real intimacy. In this case, you should take a realistic look at his forays into the cave and decide whether or not his excessive need for space is something you can live with….or not. A survey we referred to earlier that asked men what frustrated them the most about women had a goodly number of responses dealing with not being given enough space in a relationship. Here are some of the responses that you might find enlightening: “…..Being clingy, wanting to spend every day with me.” “…..Monopolize my time.” “…..Too needy won’t let me have any ‘me’ time.” All in all, the need for more space wasn’t all that big an issue with the 340 males who took part in the survey, which might bear out other recent research. Still, this is a human need and you can expect a man to need some space occasionally. If you want to be successful with men, give them space when they need it and if this need is excessive…..walk away!
Secret # 22: Cultivate a Sense of Humor It is true that finding the love of your life is a serious matter, but don’t be too awfully grim if you want to be successful with men. The fact is that almost all men want a woman with a good sense of humor. They want a woman who laughs easily and often, who laughs with them but not at them, who is able to find the humor in less than perfect situations and make them a bit easier to bear. Laughter, as they say, really is the best medicine. There are more than a few health benefits associated with laughter, including lowered blood pressure, reduced stress hormones, protection from illness and disease, increased cancer fighting, enhanced memory, alertness, creativity and more. In relationships, humor is exceedingly beneficial. The late Victor Borge, comedian and musician affectionately nicknamed The Clown Prince of Denmark, may have hit the nail Page 30
on the head with his assessment of laughter: “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Laughter is a shared social communication between two people that binds them together in a similar emotion. It builds intimacy, strengthens the bonds of the relationship and creates an immediate atmosphere of happiness and good will that lingers on to make wonderful memories as a couple. Would you be surprised to learn that of the 360 men who participated in the survey asking them to name the top five traits they wished for in a dream woman, a very high percentage listed a sense of humor? The ability to laugh, smile and generally be happy was right up there. It seems that the average man sets great store by a sense of humor. Here are some of the typical comments from that survey: “…..Good sense of humor, able to laugh at herself and at me.” “…..Sense of humour.” “…..Funny.” “…...Humor, can tell a good joke, and get my jokes.” “…..Joyful.” “…..Sense of humor and ability to tease me in a fun way.” “…..And most importantly must have a sense of humour.” “…..Needs to be able to laugh at life.” This same trait was referred to time and again by the male survey takers who ranged in age from 15 all the way up to 65 years old and older. It appeared in an estimated 70% of responses about what these men considered at the top of the list as far as a woman’s traits. Clearly, having a sense of humor will help you attract and hold men!
Secret # 23: Make Him Feel Desirable Ladies, if there was one theme that dominated the surveys referred to here that were given to men about what they look for in an ideal woman, or what frustrates them about women, or why they might have been unfaithful to or even left a woman…..it is sex. Page 31
Sex is a huge, huge issue with most men, based on the survey answers. Are men more sexual than women? Well……they might be. Research has consistently shown that men think about sex more than women and want to have sex more often than the average woman. Roy Baumeister, a psychologist at Florida State University, conducted an in-depth survey of various studies centered around male and female sex drives. What did he find? The surveys revealed that men under age 60 thought about sex a minimum of once a day. How often did the women surveyed report thinking about sex? About 75% less than the men. As men get older, they have fewer sexual thoughts and fantasies, but still about twice as much as women. As a general rule, men want more sex than women at all ages. A woman’s libido is usually more influenced by cultural and social factors than men, and they tend to be more fluid in what arouses them. Men seem to have fairly fixed ideas about what turns them on and are far less likely to be influenced by their environment than women. What accounts for this marked difference in the sex drives of men and women? One prevailing theory is that women are much more hard wired to be choosy about who they have sex with due to the possibility of becoming pregnant, which on some very basic level may be influenced by the desire to have their progeny sired by a male with good genetic makeup. This makes sense! Also, women might be predisposed to want a closer, more committed relationship with a man they choose to have sex with because they instinctively want a man who will be around to help provide for and protect a child should pregnancy occur. Women are naturally more geared toward having these sexual standards than men, since they are the ones who bear children. Having established that most men are more sexual in nature than most women, it should be easy to understand why any woman who wants to be successful with men should take this into account. If you want to attract and keep a man, you must not lose sight of his interest in sex and his need to feel that you desire him sexually. We will go back once again to the survey of 360 men who listed the most important traits they wanted in their dream woman. An interest in sex, being sexy, a willingness to experiment sexually…..this was included in many, many responses. Sex is important to men.
Take a look at some of the responses in the survey, which are typical of more than half of the participants: “…..Sexy.” “…..Enjoys lovemaking.” “…..Wants to have sex with me often.” “…..Willing to have sex in unusual places.” “…..Very sexual.” “…..Has an active interest in sex.” “…..Enjoys sex and intimacy.” “…..Good in bed.” “…..Likes sex.” “…..Sexual nature.” And so on and so on…..sex was mentioned again and again as a top trait for a “dream woman.” There is an opinion shared by some psychologists that men express their love and tenderness for a woman by the act of having sex with her. This is not to say that a man won’t ever have sex with a woman he isn’t in love with, but perhaps you should put some thought into this theory and realize that there may be times when your partner wants to have sex to connect with you on a romantic and spiritual level. If you want to be successful with men, you don’t have to pant after a man in a parody of lust to keep him happy and committed to you. But, you really do need to understand how important sex is to your man and do your best to accommodate him.
In Conclusion I hope you’ve gained great value from discovering these 23 secrets, and I want you to know that this is just the tip of the iceberg! There’s so much more to know and understand about men and how to be the one woman he loves forever. Some women believe in working hard on their careers, their weight, and other things… But when it comes to their love lives, they believe that it should all just happen ‘naturally’ Page 33
and that the right man should just turn up and love them as they are. That’s certainly true in a sense, you should have to change ‘who’ you are, but you sure can grow to understand men a LOT better so that you can MAKE him love you, and so that he can actually SEE and LOVE your best qualities… …So… Where to next? Here’s what I recommend…
…After reading this report, I highly recommend that you watch the following videos: How to Use 1 Simple Skill To Make Him Love You Forever: Conversation Chemistry In this revealing presentation you’ll discover how to talk to men in such a way that he’ll naturally want to open up to you, and so that he’ll naturally feel excited about spending time with you. Don’t miss this. How to Make Him Become Addicted To You: Addict Him To You This ‘for women only’ video will show you how to make him crave you and want to be more romantic towards you. You’ll discover some things about male psychology, that most women will never know.
Discover the truth and the facts about Meet Your Sweet™ Conversation Chemistry PDF, eBook by Mirabelle Summers. Happy reading :) ➽➽➽ Click "...
Published on Jul 9, 2016
Discover the truth and the facts about Meet Your Sweet™ Conversation Chemistry PDF, eBook by Mirabelle Summers. Happy reading :) ➽➽➽ Click "...