The Louisiana Jam, Vol. 1, No. 12 - 11/21/13

Page 12

by Nicole Shuff Arabie

Forgive Yourself This is the old me and where I was: stuck in mud unable to move, submerged in thoughts of revenge, karma, and self-pity, even if only for a moment. Maybe it’s just part of the way I learn my lessons, rehashing and embedding it all into my brain, and why I don’t want to go there again with that particular person or incident. After awhile, I am alerted to the suffocating feeling of toxic anger overtaking my life, and I miss the way the light felt on my skin and in my heart. Many times, I’ve had to ask God to help me with it because I just can’t get there on my own. My prayer would go something like this. “God, please show me what you see in this person/situation because I don’t always see things


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like you do and I am not seeing anything positive in this individual right now. I would rather think about revenge.” It’s honest, and I believe my communication with my God needs to be that, even if it's raw and real. I am still human and need Him to transform my eyes to see a purer vision. We all hide who we are from others from time to time, but there are no secrets from Him. He knows my heart. I’ve just learned through my personal journey how incredibly important forgiveness is in order to have any kind of fulfilling life. When God uses me to see within and behind the clutter in myself, and others, this selfforgiveness is brought to the surface. Forgiveness, for me, is the key.

Resentments and any unfinished forgiveness just blocks the gifts of the spirit. Before I learned the power of forgiveness, I carried around weights that crippled me at times. I began running away, especially from those who broke my heart into a million pieces, or threatened my basic needs. But, I did learn that once you enter the kingdom of heaven on earth, it’s hard to go back and live in a self-imposed hell. The sooner I got rid of that negativity, the better. While in prayer/meditation I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, and saw my own face within: sad, lost, hurt, and unrecognizable. It shocked me. I have forgiven many people through the years. I know how important that is, not only to my serenity, but also for my health and wellbeing. I am confused why the prayer/meditation impacted me so profoundly with tears, sadness, and sense of unfinished business, just when I thought I was doing better. Apparently not. My body and my reaction were telling me otherwise. And then I realized I needed to forgive myself. Really? I knew how to forgive others, but me? I sat there as tears flowed and wrote this list: • I need to forgive myself for speaking and judging myself so harshly.

• I need to forgive myself for having unattainable expectations, ones I would never ask of someone else. • I need to forgive myself for allowing others to treat me with unwarranted disrespect and going back for more. • I need to forgive myself for the incredibly poor choices that have taken over my life from time to time. • I need to forgive myself for failing to speak up for what I believe in. • I need to forgive myself for forgetting where I came from, and what I am to do while I am alive. • I need to forgive myself for treating loved ones and friends with disregard. • I need to forgive myself for believing my needs and desires weren’t as important as everyone else’s. • I need to forgive myself for not forgiving myself. • I need to forgive myself for not always loving myself. In the next issue: Forgiving Myself, Part Two: Writing a letter from my True Self, addressed to God. To book a Soul Matters session with Nicole Shuff Arabie, call (337) 540-6573. You can also go to her Facebook page at

Volume 1 • Issue 12

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