“REPEATED” BY JOHN ARLONE GENTUGAO

REPEATED

By John Arlone Gentugao

“Maria Linda Smith! I’m begging you to get up from your bed now! It’s Monday, come on!” I rose up because of my dad’s yell. I already told him before not to shout my whole name but he still kept doing that because he knew I hated it. I ran immediately to open my door and to stop him from repeating my full name but when I opened the door, I saw right away my dad’s angry face with his two arms folded across his chest. “Ow...umm so-sorry d-ad” I faltered while trying to give him a huge grin to lessen his mood but I know it still failed.

“You know what maria lind–

” When I knew that he would say it again, I slammed my door immediately before he could proceed. “Dad, I told you already that do not call me by my name, just call me Ree!” I said aloud. “I am your father and I can do anything I want, so get ready there and go to the kitchen because your breakfast is ready” he replied calmly. I felt relief when my dad walked away from my room as I heard his footsteps in the distance. You know what? When I always catch my dad and even my mom calling me by my name, it makes me feel horrible. I have no idea why they chose this name even though there are lots of names that are available out there—All I can say is I have weird names as well as parents. Anyways, I am used to this scenario since it always happens to me every morning. My dad was strict with me ever since and in fact, he is still not accepting for who I am and what my gender was— Yes, I’m lesbian; I love girls. I confessed to them before about my sexuality but only my mom understands me. I began asking about my sexuality when I met a beautiful girl in high school. Her name is Emma but unfortunately, she has a boyfriend and they have been together for 4 years now. Emma is the only girl that I can vibe with and we became best friends when we are in the same class. She is always there for me whenever I have problems and in every activity I have in school, she is always there cheering and supporting me. I told her about my sexuality and she still accepts me wholeheartedly but I have never had a chance to confront my feelings to her—honestly, I am afraid because I don’t want to ruin our friendship as well as her boyfriend’s relationship, so I have no choice to keep this secret until my last breath. After I took a bath and did some of my hygiene, I packed up my things inside my blackcolored Nike backpack. To be honest, my parents gave me a lot of expensive bags; mostly handbags and feminine bags, which I hate. I kept some of them in my cabinet and gave the others. I don’t know why they continue to buy me girly stuff despite my true sexuality. Since I don’t have an interest in girl’s stuff, I am glad that in our school there are no rules against dress codes, so I can wear whatever I want. Now, I'm dressed in my favorite dark blue pants, Timberland boots, and a black trucker jacket with a plain white shirt inside. However, there were little bastards everywhere in our school, and some of them were annoying, so I can't consider our school to be a harmonious community. I hate make-up, yet I have a lot of it because it is always a gift from my mother on my birthday. I have a lot of dislikes in life, especially when it comes to my hair. My mother forbade me from cutting my hair into a pixie cut, but no one can stop me from doing it.

REPEATED

By John Arlone Gentugao

As I walked down the stairs, I smelled the aroma of freshly cooked pancakes and bacon drifts across our ground floor. My mother noticed me and approached me, kissing me on the cheeks many times and hugging me tightly as if I were still a child. “Mom, please, I’m already a teenager!” I tried many times to escape her tight hug, but my mother is as powerful as Hulk, so I have no choice but to give her also a hug because she will not stop as long as I will not do the same way she does. “Hello sweetie, ” she said in a sweet voice. “Good morning! Breakfast is ready, so you should join us” she added.

I responded to her with a smile as a sign of yes. My mother has a habit of treating me like a child, but I've become used to it since I've lived here for more than a decade. We finish our meal and we only have a little conversation during our breakfast. I put on my backpack and said my goodbyes when I heard the horn of our school bus approaching the house. Speaking of the bus, I had a nightmare about one last night. As far as I remember, we were on our way home at night when our bus was hit by a huge car in an intersection—and I have no idea what happened after since it was blurred and interrupted by my father who woke me up. It was both terrifying and strange, but I don't believe it will happen in real life because it was only a dream.

I responded to her with a smile as a sign of yes. My mother has a habit of treating me like a child, but I've become used to it since I've lived here for more than a decade. We finish our meal and we only have a little conversation during our breakfast. I put on my backpack and said my goodbyes when I heard the horn of our school bus approaching the house. Speaking of the bus, I had a nightmare about one last night. As far as I remember, we were on our way home at night when our bus was hit by a huge car in an intersection—and I have no idea what happened after since it was blurred and interrupted by my father who woke me up. It was both terrifying and strange, but I don't believe it will happen in real life because it was only a dream.

When I entered the bus, I saw Emma in a second to the last row of seats waving at me which made me smile. I take a seat next to her, and she greets me with a cheerful Good morning. My day was complete because of her beautiful look and soothing perfume. She is talking passionately, then here I am, listening to her intently. Everything felt surreal, I can feel that everything around us is moving at a slow pace. I never noticed that we arrived at school. Sad to say, we are not in the same class so we need to exchange goodbyes. She shouted from a distance, “See you later in lunch and after class!” I smiled and nodded back to her as a response. She took a medicine course while I took law. I don’t want to be separated from her because she is like my knight and shining armor but the problem is I have no passion when it comes to medicine.

While I am walking to our room, I saw the very famous bullies or Iet say the daughters of devils, which look like coming in my way—they labeled themselves as ‘queen bees’ but that’s a lie because they are like cinderella’s stepsisters and never reach the standards of being queen bees. They bullied everyone here in school, including me. They have never been reported and dropout in school because of the fact that their parents keep producing money here. “Oh! Hi... ” they greeted me with fake smiles. I didn’t respond and greeted them. “By the way, you are lesbian right?” the first girl asked sarcastically.

REPEATED

By John Arlone Gentugao

“Omg, so… is there a tendency for you to fall in love with us?” the second girl added with disgust in her face. When I moved my head around, I saw a lot of students looking at us and some of them were leaving the place, afraid to be bullied by these two devils. I saw the two spoiled brats laughing at me as I turned my sight to them. Usually, I never bother myself talking to them because for me they are non-worthy opponents but surprisingly… “Yes, I love girls but not to the two of you, ” I said. “Look at your lips, red as blood—did you sip blood? I think the answer is—yes, since you two are monsters—very disgusting monsters… and please be ashamed of yourselves ‘cause it looks like someone slapped you very hard on your cheeks. ” They were shocked and speechless the way I talk to them as I can witness to their faces but I don’t feel contentment. This is why I took my water tumbler out of my bag and I poured it on them. They have nothing to do but to have the face of disbelief and a wet look. Many students are praising me and at the same time, laughing at the devils. I heard someone saying ‘deserved’ and that is right, they deserved what happened to them.

It was already noon when we finished our morning class. I remembered what Emma said so I had to walk to the cafeteria to have lunch with her. However, when I stepped inside the cafeteria I instantly saw Emma together with her boyfriend ‘tom’ in the first row of tables. They are having quality time together and they look like they are enjoying themselves. I didn’t understand how I feel towards them—maybe I am facing jealousy again. Well, I am not in the right place to say that I am jealous. That's why I need to control it and accept that I have no chance with Emma anymore because she is straight and taken. I don’t want to interrupt them so I leave and eat my own lunch in our classroom.

After the class, I was surprised because Emma was waiting outside our room. She approached me immediately and asked, “Why did you not appear in the cafeteria? I thought we would have lunch together?” As I am looking at her facial expression, it says that she was very disappointed with me. I calmed myself first before I replied to her “Oh... I am sorry Emma. I just need to finish my assignments on time” I know I lied but I need to do that. Emma can forgive easily and this is one of the features of her that I like the most. Currently, we are now fine since she accepted my apology. We are now on our way home through the same bus that we used this morning.

The bus was quiet since all of the students are sleeping, including Emma. She falls asleep on my shoulder. She made me more in love while I am looking at her sleeping and because of her angelic face, I can’t control and stop myself from looking at her. Not until—when our bus was hit by something hard without even a warning that caused this to be an upside-down position. Many students woke up and they were confused while suffering from the unconsciousness they felt and the injury they got. Like them, I have many wounds all over my body, my shirt was ripped off and covered by blood.

All of us are begging for help. Some didn’t survive the crash along with our school driver. When I remembered Emma, I moved my sight to her but I was surprised as I saw the metal tube impaled to her chest. I tried many times to wake her up hoping that she is alive. I began to feel the tears in my eyes. I can’t believe that my best friend is now gone. The one that I love the most was not breathing anymore. I know it’s too late but I still took this chance to tell her how much I love her “Emma… since you’ve been around, I smile a lot more than I used to... ” Even though I'm having a hard time speaking due to pain, I still do my best to deliver it loud and clear. “You will always be my rainbow and my sunshine. Emma… I love you more than you'll ever know” I kissed her on the lips and hugged her tightly as I could. 38

REPEATED

By John Arlone Gentugao

All of a sudden, I felt unexplained pain on my head and I found myself screaming because of it, while the surrounding was slowly turning dark.

I opened my eyes gradually but it was blurred at first. I saw someone’s figure in front of me and I figured out that it was my mom—She is jumping because of happiness and she keeps repeating the words ‘Thank you, God!’ While my dad is also happy and he is calling someone on the telephone, I don’t know who? I heard indistinct sounds coming from a machine and I felt a tube inside my mouth. When the door opened, I saw a doctor and nurses. I suddenly realized that I am confined in the hospital. They check my condition and after that, they talk to my dad.

Meanwhile, my mom came to me and said “I am so happy! sweetie because you are saved in miracles” then she kisses me gently on the cheek. I notice the scars throughout my body and I don’t feel my legs. I asked my mom about what happened but she said that I’m not still ready for it and it’s better if I take a rest first.

I glared at her,

“Mom, I don’t want to raise my voice here because I still have no enough strength to do that, but please... I need answers right now!” Finally, I begged her to tell the truth “I was told by a doctor not to tell you everything that happened that night because it might trigger you, but since you are begging, here it is...and I know you are a strong girl, ree ” Wow, did you just see that? She called me ‘ree’ ... I can’t believe it. She touched me on cheeks and added, “That night, all of the students didn’t make it to the top except you, they found you unconscious but still breathing… you got burn scars all over your body. The students were burned because of the explosion. I am happy that you survived, sweetie... We are here for you and we are ready to spend our money on your medicines... Sweetie, you were here for almost 1 year because you were comatose and the doctor told us that there’s damage to your legs, so… you can’t walk anymore… ” I saw sadness through the eyes of my mom as her tears were falling also. I began to cry because of the tragedy that happened to us.

My face was in disbelief because why did God let this happen to us? Lots of questions formed in my mind, and I began to feel the exact unexplained pain that I felt in the accident. I can’t endure this anymore, so I scream which made my parents worried. I closed my eyes and when I opened them—I found myself on the bus. “Are you fine, Ree?” asked Emma. I saw her worried looks while many students were laughing at me. I have no idea why they are laughing because I was confused at first about how I could get here? Am I now in heaven? Is this heaven or hell?

“I think you had a nightmare…

” she added. I gave her a bewildered look because of what she said. “Are we going home now?” I asked her. “No, we’re still on our way to school… ” I became very confused about what was happening to me.

I try to slowly process everything that was on my mind. I realized that It’s only a dream or should I say, a nightmare from the beginning up to the end. It was all a lie and only in my mind. I was right about dreams, it will never become true. Nothing has happened, it was only my imagination because I fell asleep on the bus and I still found myself sitting here. I am very happy because no tragedy happened but not until someone shouted, “check your pants, girl!” After that, they laugh.

I was curious so I checked it and I was surprised because I never notice and feel that I peed on my pants which is the reason why they are laughing.

REPEATED

By John Arlone Gentugao

I was curious so I checked it and I was surprised because I never notice and feel that I peed on my pants which is the reason why they are laughing. I looked at Emma and whispered, “Why didn't you tell me about this?” She replied, “I supposed to say that ree… but you look confused at first, so I don’t want you to be bothered because you look like your still processing everything” I was so humiliated by everyone and it is like I just want the earth to swallow me at this time. They are still laughing as if there is no tomorrow. I became so pissed off at them. All of a sudden, I yelled ‘stop’ and all of them were shocked and at the same time afraid because of my furious look towards them. The driver stops the bus and I took this as an opportunity to leave here, especially in humiliation. Before I left, I looked at Emma and she was worried. I gave her a smile as a sign of 'I am fine’ and she also responded with a grin.

I am standing on the sidewalk street right now. I saw a taxi in the distance and I waved my hands. I am glad because It looks like the driver noticed me. I was stunned as I entered the taxi and it was because of the driver. “Hi, Mister, may I just ask, did we meet before?” The driver was confused. “I don’t know you and I have never met an ugly and stinky young woman like you. ” What did he just say? I was in disbelief because I never thought he would say that. Because of that, I gave him my glaring look. I focused my eyes on his face and all of a sudden, something entered my mind and it was my dream—suddenly, I remembered the driver and he was the doctor in my dream, which is the reason why he is looking familiar to me. I am confused because I thought that doctor was not a real person. I ignored everything that I was thinking because I know it is just a coincidence. The vehicle is not still moving and I asked him why. He replied, “I will never start this car if you are not going to pay me first, you know what? If you have no money, go out!” His voice really looks like my dad. Since I don’t want to argue with him anymore, I just give him money.

Finally, the wheels are starting to roll. As the vehicle moved, we heard a deafening sound. I look back because it is where the sounds are coming from. I become startled by what I’ve seen. The taxi stopped and I took it as my chance to go out with the driver. The deafening sound continues. I saw our bus and it was on fire. It crashed and upside down.

As I turned my sight to my surroundings, I saw a lot of faces of disbelief and surprise. The bus keeps exploding. Some people ran away but I was never bothered about it. I keep slapping my face, hoping that it is just a dream—I want to feel the pain in my head just like what I’ve felt in my dream but nothing happened and—it is not a dream anymore. The accident happened in real-time and in the real world. Even though it has not happened at night, still, my dream became true and it was real. Our bus was hit by a truck and both were engulfed with flames.

I never saw students coming out. I felt hopeless. I kneel down as I feel debilitation. My tears began to fall. My emotions are mixed—I felt anger, sadness, and guilt. Guilt because I was selfish, I never warned them for what I have dream especially, Emma. But I am not sure at that time. I heard mixed sirens and I can’t figure out whether it’s an ambulance or fire truck. I still heard explosions. I never bothered to leave the place even though it was dangerous because of its exploding debris. In fact, I was the only left person on the scene because all of them ran away.

I screamed and screamed not until someone touched me and I saw two nurses trying to pull me out from the place. I tried to escape from them but It was not enough and I only found myself lying in an ambulance-wheeled stretcher while being stunned by what happened. -END40