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Is the glass half full? That depends on your state of mind. Depression distorts your perception of everyday life. Some days seem to drag on endlessly, yet others fly by in a blink of the eye. Why? How can the day affect your mood? A good night’s sleep leads to a beautiful morning, you get up early, go to work and before you know it.... it’s time to go home. Was it really the day or were you just in a good mood? Your mood affects the way you see the world. Happy thoughts shield you from everyday problems. When your mind is busy thinking happy thoughts, there is no room for annoying problems. A good mood shines like the sun. Your happy face tells the world, “Don’t ruin my day with your problems”. The day doesn’t control your mood; you control your mood.
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Some people are “grumpy”. They are always in a bad mood and are quick to tell you about all of their inconveniences. They act as though the world is out to get them. It’s easy to blame life’s problems for their bad mood. But their bad mood can be caused by depression. We all experience depression at sometime in our life but when you experience bad days often, it may be a serious illness. Depression feeds on negative thoughts. A friend of mine was very depressed. She told me she that her rent was too high. When I told that I saw a place for half the amount that she was paying she said, “Oh no, I would never want to move.” She just wanted to complaint. Her perception was that the landlord was charging her too much and should lower the rent. Depression can take over your life, if you let it. Controlling depression is difficult but not impossible. A doctor can prescribe medication or you can take charge of you moods yourself. Happiness does not come easy and you have to work for it. In order to control your depression, you must change your perception. When you wake up in the morning do you feel happy? Your first thoughts of the day will help set the mood for the entire day. Thinking that the day will be a good day will greatly increase the odds that the day will be good. Tell yourself, “I’m going to be happy today.” Smile! When you smile and take a deep breath, you feel better. Next look in the mirror. Do you see all of your flaws? Ignore them. When you are depressed, you seek out anything that will keep you depressed. You have the same face as you had when you were in a good mood but your perception has changed. Smile again! When you smile you look so much nicer.
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Changing your perception will allow you to climb out of a depression. When a problem arises, think of a positive outcome. When you are depressed, even the smallest of problems can seem overwhelming. Earlier this evening, my cell phone stopped working. Since I was in a good mood, I wasn’t very upset. Instead, I went to my computer and researched which phone I would buy as a replacement. Had I been depressed, my thoughts would have turned into self pity. Then I would have blamed it on my bad luck or the phone manufacturer. I would have stewed for hours. Instead I accepted the fact that phones break!
Perception is based on past experience. I could have focused on the aggravation of buying a new phone. But instead, I chose to think of the positive experience of learning to use a new phone full of new features. Try to find a good side even when there is no good side. Let’s say that my car breaks down tomorrow. I would be very upset, but if I think back to the time my car broke down when I was a poor college student, it fades in comparison. I’m so glad that I’m not driving that old clunker. The good side is that I can afford to fix it now! When faced with a problem you can change your perception by thinking of all of the outcomes and choosing the positive one. Ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Come up with a solution for the worst case scenario. Then, think of the best scenario. Once you know what you are dealing with, you’ll be able to come up with a solution. Recently I had to practice what I preach. I was working on a project when my laptop stopped working. At first I panicked. Then I began to think. I had a deadline that was quickly approaching so I had to keep calm. I made a few calls and was told that it would take a few weeks to fix my laptop. My worst case scenario was that I wouldn’t get the work done in time. The solution was that I could hire someone to complete the work. But the best case would be to buy a new computer and finish the work on time. However, the new computer would not have the same software and I would be forced to quickly learn new software. Once I knew the problems that I was facing and the solutions for each of the problems, I was able to think positive and get the job done on time.
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Living with depression is like trying to see at night with dark glasses. The darkness prevents you from seeing clearly. Throw those dark glasses away and replace them with rose colored glasses. You’ll be surprised what you are missing. Look around and see the beautiful sky, feel the wind on your skin and smell the flowers. Life is too short to waste on depression.
Teaching a dog to stop doing what he’s been selectively bred to do over many generations can be difficult. Using physical barriers, such as fencing your pet to prevent access to passing cars, is a short-term solution, but your pup will be happier if you account for his instincts instead. Here are some suggestions to help your dog safely satisfy his instincts, while having a little fun!
“You can’t have your cake and eat it”
Some people feel this form of the proverb is incorrect and illogical and instead prefer “you can’t eat your cake and have it (too)”, which is in fact closer to the original form of the proverb but very rare today. Other rare variants use “keep” instead of “have”. The proverb literally means “you cannot both possess your cake and eat it”, “you cannot eat the cake and keep it” or “you can’t eat the cake and have it still”.
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LivingLBI Gazette is a monthly magazine published by Lisa Ball edited by Judy Horowitz. To advertise call Lisa at 609-312-9747
Just Ask Darla
My friend told me that someone she knows is a liar and a cheat. She cheated on the test that we all just took. Since I don’t really know her, my friend thinks I should rat her out. Should I? Friend of a Friend Dear Friend,
Cheating is wrong but you do not know for a fact that she has actually cheated. Your friend told you. So in this case, I would stay out of it. If your friend can prove that she cheated, then your friend should bring it to the attention of your teacher. Otherwise, I’d say, don’t gossip! I wish you luck, Darla
Aries ~ March 21 - April 19 Look forward to a stress free spring. Everything will be going your way and expect a little extra this month! Taurus ~ April 20 May 20 A lost love will re-enter your life. This time maybe for good. Kept in mind that you both have changed, it won’t be the same. Gemini ~ May 21 - June 20 Every time you walk into a room, all eyes will be on you this month. Maybe you lost a little weight? Everyone wants to know. Cancer ~ June 21 - July 22 This is your month to change jobs or get a raise in your current job. You are at the top of your game this month. Leo ~ July 23 - Aug 22
Depression causes the inability to see the future. Your mind locks into today’s problems. You can’t find your way out. It’s a heavy weight to bare. Try to think beyond the depression. Get your mind off of your problems. DREAM. Picture yourself in two years. Where do you want to be? Think about your future without your current problem. Let’s say your problem today is lack of money. Your car needs work and you just don’t have the money to fix it. You start to panic, thinking that you are stuck and you can’t see how you will make the extra money you need to fix your car.
You spiral down into thinking of the worst case scenario. You will never be able to fix your car and you Don’t you think it is time to get rid of your secu- will lose your job and won’t be able to pay the rent. rity blanket? You are only as good as you think you are. Start thinking highly of yourself. Virgo ~ Aug 23 - Sept 22
Why in the world do you sabotage your efforts? You take a perfectly good day and turn it into a mess. Just try to chill out this month. Libra ~ Sept 23 - Oct 22
STOP- Think about what your day would be like if you didn’t have that problem. Everything else would be the same but your car wouldn’t need to be fixed. How do you feel now? Are your shoulders relaxing?
Keep things in perspective. One problem is manageable if you don’t let it take over your entire mind. When in doubt...think positive. You have a bad Once you can compartmentalize your problems, habit of thinking the worst. The worst is never as you’ll be able to solve them one at a time. bad as you think.
Scorpio ~ Oct 23 - Nov 21
When you understand that problems are inevitable and you should always prepare for them, you will This is your month. You are full of good energy be less stressed. For example, if you plan ahead for and good things will come your way. Everything car repairs, then when the car breaks down, you will you touch will turn to gold. have the money to fix it.
Sagittarius ~ Nov 22 - Dec 21
Why not step out of your comfort zone this month? Take a chance! You may win big this month. Be careful where you spend it. Capricorn ~ Dec 22 - Jan 19 Big changes are coming your way. Don’t be afraid, things will all work out. You will see the benefits this month, with no regrets.
Aquarius ~ Jan 20 - Feb 18 Everything is coming up roses. Your garden will be in full bloom this spring. Stop and smell the roses. In other words...things will go your way. Pisces ~ Feb 19 - March 20 What a great time of the year to plant some seeds. If you tell your mentor your great ideas, they will come to fruition.
When you plan your future, plan it with problems. If you allow yourself to foresee problems, you will be able to solve them before they ever happen. Plan your future wonderful life, with solved problems.
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An Unapologetic Voice
What that college professor failed to teach us --or perhaps, I had to learn for myself--was that we cannot be true to ourselves until we first learn who we are--and decide "To thine own self be true."--William Shakespeare we are worthy of living as we are--daily. We do this by The sentence was scrawled on the chalkboard in front of our Hunter College classroom. The year was 1968. working hard and loving deeply and playing fair and I, a Hunter College sophomore, silently yearned to become refusing to allow ourselves to be anesthetized by daily distractions. By resisting the temptation of being robbed a part of something important. The wind howled as late of our own experience by vicariously accepting another's winter flurries silently drifted down from a limitless gray as our own. Perhaps, the greatest secret I learned that day sky. I was fascinated as tiny white snowflakes began to as I observed the urban doves on that precarious perch was accumulate on the gray cement window ledge. The frozen that I could begin to grow to behave like a person who stars transformed the drab ledge into an object of beauty, loved herself by learning to respect myself enough to pay a symbol of hope. Suddenly, the colorless slab of concrete attention to the process of selecting my food with care, became a perch for a pigeon, taking refuge from the day, devoting the time to preparing a delightful meal, honoring and the bird was immediately joined by another. the moment by setting a lovely table with a seasonal Lost in that simple urban moment, I found napkin (even in a college cafeteria) and lighting a scented meaning in that sentence. In that instant, the yearning tea light candle to soften the moment at night. I could stopped. I knew that behind the thick glass, surrounded learn to create the opportunity to strengthen my body and by sky and skyscrapers, sirens and soot, the pigeons were cooing. Shamelessly and unconsciously true to themselves. thoughtfully nurture friendships and learn to breathe as if I, too, would take flight into a limitless sky--someday. I, too, Some forty five years later, I am true to myself. would rest when weary. Nothing vital or important has ever happened in a moment of convenience or expedience. Life cannot RREM possibly be relished "on the run". Nothing of value is free or easy. On that day I learned that within a wide sky and a narrow cement ledge, a Custom Homes, Custom Modular Homes & House Raising Specialists gray world waited for me beyond a square cinder block classroom with fluorescent lighting and a professor earning his www.pricehomegroup.com pay by talking. Within a noisy crowded world and amidst snow that soundlessly NJ RREM Approved Builder - Locally Owned & Operated made its presence known on a patch of The Price Home Group is a RREM approved Builder ready and able to accept all “Pathway B” grant recipients. grass and the bare branches of a tree waiting for spring, somewhere, in that world, my self was waiting for me to be true. “We carve out the world with words; we sculpt our world with deeds.” The Tern Tern The Kingfisher The Hummingbird The
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Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be baygulls!
Motivation What are you goals for this summer? Lose weight? Learn something new? Transform your entire personality? Yes, some people need to completely change their personality. What makes up a personality?
Actions • Attitudes • Behaviors In psychology, there are five factors that determine different personality types. The big five factors are:
Openness is appreciation for a variety of experience. Conscientiousness is planning ahead rather than being spontaneous. Extraversion involves going out with friends and being energetic. Agreeableness is, as it says, being agreeable. Neuroticism refers to worrying or being vulnerable. What areas should you change? How open are you to new experiences? Can you open your mind to new
Disappointment is an inevitable part of life. Disappointment is merely a collision between one’s ideal (expectation) and reality (what happens). We are most vulnerable to disappointment when we are hurt by those we trust or love the most. Where we invest our hearts the most is where we can be hurt the most.
ideas? Get organized. Plan your future, don’t just let time fly by. Once you plan your day, plan your month and year. You’ll feel in control of your life. Get involved in your neighborhood. Meet with friends, run the race, join a club and enjoy a night out. Most of all, stop worrying. We worry about everything. Worrying does not change the outcome. Preparing yourself for different outcomes will help relive worrying. The unknown grips us with fear. If we plan for the worst and think about the best outcome, we can settled for the middle. Not great but not bad....middle of the road. Average is good. It is not full of drama, nor is it boring. It is just the road we travel. Live an less frantic life. Be like everyone else. Forget about being the best, stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Be part of a team and blend. Motivation is catching. Focus on your strength.
Our best armor--and our most valuable tool-against pain of learning to face and accept and heal from life’s disappointments, will always be purposeful, positive, proactive behavior: actions that we can trust will be in our own best interest and reflect our best self, as we sculpt our own best lives . Behaviors and habits that instill greater self respect, heightened self esteem, and autonomy are our reward for restraint and reflection. We, alone, must make this happen. Of course, revengeful and reactive behavior have no place in a life that is forgiving, once we realize that it is ourselves we must forgive...for being vulnerable to human foibles: others’ and our own. “Two wings lift a person up from earthly concerns: simplicity in intention, and purity in feeling.” --Thomas Kempis Judy Horowitz
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