Journaling has saved my life at least once. And if it has saved me once, it has saved me countless times. This magazine is a journal of sorts. It is random, it is colorful, it is completely personal. I will get raw and open here. I will dance around issues until I’m ready to ready to face them. It’s real life. I’m not perfect, but I am always seeking wholeness. Journaling has saved my life because it has been my self-medication. During long bouts of depression, I would write just to figure out the dark chaos that was writhing inside me without words. In my journals I have been able to give words to the ugly pain. From there, I have been able to send healing words back inward. This journal is a young version of one of my greatest and oldest desires. Healing is my ultimate goal. We’ve all been wounded in some way. If you’re into healing, come with me as I search for the balm in all living things. All we need is one drop.
My camera, my pen, and I, Kana Kavon
The sun is forgiving, everyday rising to greet me. I can only accept such love, although it is not always easy. I turn my head, hoping to be excused from such brilliance, but it is impossible. The sun is already within me. Humbly, I accept this, my solar destiny.
Respect each moment.
“The oak sleeps in the acorn…” Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts by Funkadelics
Growing My Green heart This summer, I began gardening. It wasn’t planned. In fact, it seemed to be a result of my excited impulses. One day in late spring of this year, I was moseying through the farmer’s market. I happened across a great sale on several plants like tomatoes, peppers, and several different herbs. So I ran for a box, came back, and selected several plants to take home. I chose sage, stevia, peppermint, golden jubilee tomatoes, green chilis, and sweet bell peppers, I took them home and placed them in a sunny spot in my backyard. I decided to get some nice clay pots and organic potting soil for them. But, I realized that these plants needed something more. They needed to be planted in the earth. In the next week, I was busily tilling the soil in a 2x4 foot area in my front yard. As I dug with the hoe and shovel, I thought that I had chosen the driest, rockiest, most impossible place to plant. I unearthed several bricks, a flannel jacket, and random pieces of glass and wire cable. I kept digging. After breaking up the soil, adding some organic compost and water, I let the soil sit over night to get ready for planting. The next day in the evening, I planted. After 3 weeks of waiting, I just knew that nothing was going to grow. I was nervous that I had chosen the wrong place. Too much sun? Not enough? Bad soil? But the very next week, I began to see small yellow flowers pop up on my tomato and bell pepper plants. Before I knew it, I was giving thanks for—and eating!— delicious golden tomatoes that I had grown! I must say that gardening is a personal, intimate experience. As I cultivated my small garden, I had no idea what to expect. I had to come up with my own measures for supporting my plants and protecting them from bugs and creatures. I had to be patient and faithful enough to know that my labor is never
vain. I had to water and sing to my plants. I learned so much about myself as I interacted with my plants. I excitedly showed my garden to visitors and always gave them a stevia leaf to chew as a sweet reminder of the rewards
of growing and being grown.
She is called Sharea. Sharea is a fierce poet. Sharea is beautiful, isnâ€™t she? Sharea captures the moments that make breath miraculous. The moments that you might forget to see. Sharea sees. Sharea, poet.
The wind blows
Just to carry my kisses the distance.
The past sits upon my shoulder Whispering Wisdom into my ear
portraits are poems.
Photography by Viktor Le. Poetry by Kana Kavon
II Chronically given to day dreaming at night.
Self Portrait Nos. 2 & 3
III Should be fuller like the moon Is tonight. Round supple Glow casting slight shadows Mind phantoms dance, daring eyes to catch hold and kiss But then there's this: The light.
Self Portarit No. 7eight9 And was fulfilled. Glimpses of me Were all I could give, Though intensely. I was simply Learning my Own Light. Selah The only way I could know Was in fragments Of living and life. Selah Here about me rests the night Impatience has met my backside Anxiety has forgotten my name Shame has eaten my cyanide. Only wisdom remains To be gathered like Grains of wheat There are stomachs to fill Palates to sateâ€Ś I am the bread Maker.
Auto Retrato Numero Cinco: Growing Up It is becoming less difficult to hear my own voice It is becoming less difficult to follow my own heart It is becoming less difficult to see my own growth It is becoming less difficult to know that I know.
Addressin’ my TRESSES About 3 months ago„I cut all my hair off„again. Yes, it was emotional. Yes, it was spiritual. For the past seven years, my hair has been anything but a fashion statement. It has been a canvas; it has been my protest banner; it has been “come hither if you dare” untamed mane; it has been my ICAN’TTAKEITANYMORE clean slate.
My hair usually tells what
emotional time of day it is for me. For the past two years I sported chunky locs that most people really loved. Me, well, I wasn’t too attached. To me they were the grounding that I desperately needed in life. But two months ago, began feeling the need to release. Yes, it came after the end of the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. Yes, I wanted to deny the fact that my wanting to cut my hair had anything to do with the breakup. But it did. It had to do with that and so many other areas of my life that needed releasing. I went back and forth for a few days about it. But when my mom told me that she had cut her hair off, I told her I’d call her right back and I
ran for the scissors and chop chop chopped them off.
Then I headed to the barber shop and asked to be cleaned up with a nice fade„Not too clean in the front About two weeks later, I
had an emotional breakthrough. I realized that for the past three years I’d been deeply and
darkly unsatisfied. In that moment, I decided to become undepressed. It was easy as that. But then, it wasn’t. It means making the choice every single day to think positively. It’s like quitting nicotine. Crazy as it sounds,
unhappiness is an addiction for
many people. We simply get so used to it that we are afraid how life might actually be on the brighter side.
For me, getting happy means: 1) 2) 3) 4) 5)
Imagining only the most wonderful, delightful outcomes in every situation. Forgiving my Self. For real this time. Being content with every moment. Accepting people exactly as they are„always finding something to love. Patience, patience, more patience„growth is such a gradual change.
To pull this together to a neat conclusion„my hair is my happiness gauge You can read an extended version of my hair story here on my friend Neytiri’s blog www.afrodeshiak.blogspot.com. It’s a pretty dope site if you’re into natural hair, Afro-Latin dancing, good food, or just a good laugh every now and then!
Is Your Hair Hungry???Feed it!!! Banana Avocado Deep Conditioning Smoothie Recipe and photograph by Valerie Marman
Ingredients: ½ ripe banana ½ avocado 2 tbsp. water 2 tbsp. coconut oil 2 tbsp. olive oil
Directions 1. Peel banana and avocado and cut them into slices. 2. Place banana & avocado slices, water, and both oils into blender. Blend on high for 30-45 seconds (or until mixture is nice and whipped). 3. Part freshly washed and damp hair into 4 sections. Apply generous amount of hair smoothie to each section. 4. Use fingers to detangle hair as you apply smoothie. 5. Cover with shower cap and let sit for 30 minutes to 1 hour. 6. Rinse thoroughly and style beautifully!
The benefits of this deep conditioner are: moisture, shine, strength, curl definition, and that it leaves your hair feeling great!
His name is Maurice. We ride the bus together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I know asked. I finally asked because he kept sitting time, slipping glances. And it made me want to
for approximately 3 minutes his name because I finally so near me, facing me every smile every time.
I first started seeing him this summer. Well, I first started smelling him. He sat right in front of me. I looked up because I smelled Cool Water cologne. And there was this head of thick, long locks. I got off a few minutes later. We played the same scenario a few more random times this summer. He got on at the same place each time. I got off at the same spot each time. 3 minutes later. Once, I told him, “Nice locs,” because they are nice. Thick, without being Rasta; cared for, but not groomed. And a slight curl, like he wore them in two fat french braids at night. I looked into his face when I said it. His eyes were dark wildflower honey brown. His lips were full and taut. His skin was roasted cashew brown. He wore his pants low and his tshirts white. He always smelled like cool water. Recently we began catching the bus together regularly. He made it a point to sit near, but always kept me visible. Once, he sat right in front of me, but turned completely to his right so that our eyes could not help but make perpendicular intersection. He pulled out a small, round container of Carmex. With two fingers he rubbed the balm onto his lips for the next 30 seconds. I tried my hardest not to laugh. Not because it was funny or absurd. I wanted to laugh at how extremely well disguised this act of sensuality was. And how shared. I could not laugh. No. So, I pulled out my lavender shea butter and rubbed my hands until it was time for my exit. Remember, we only have 3 minutes together. Less if the light at his stop is green when he gets on. He always looks with such intent and interest, and still he says nothing. He has such direct indirections. Today, I spoke. It was rainy. The bus was fuller than usual. I sat at the back of the bus, where I’ve never sat on that route. When he got on, he came to the back and sat facing me, again. I pressed a smile away. Adjusted my backpack. Got my umbrella. Avoided his eyes some more. Honey brown eyes. But, after I pulled the bell for my stop, I looked at him, almost laughed, and said, “What’s your name?” I thought he said Morris. “Morris?” He shook his head. “Maurice.” He leaned forward to repeat it. I nodded. “I’m Kana,” stood, and got off the bus. 3 minutes.
KITCHEN KORNER Vegan Curry Cauliflower Soup Recipe and photo by Ryan Maxwell Ingredients:
5 cups water o or 3 cups vegetable stock & 2 cups water 2 medium potatoes (Russets or Yukon Golds) 1 cup coconut cream (not coconut milk!) 1 ¼ cup frozen cauliflower 1 vegetable bouillon cube 1 tsp. powdered sage 2 tsp. garlic powder 2 tsp. onion powder 3 bay leaves 3 tbsp. yellow curry ½ tsp. turmeric 1 tsp. cayenne 3 large garlic cloves 1 medium onion Directions: 1. Add all ingredients except cauliflower into a deep pot. Bring to a boil. 2. Simmer until potatoes are tender. 3. Add cauliflower. Simmer until cauliflower is tender. 4. Pour half of the mixture (approx.. 2.5 cups) into blender. Blend well (approx.. 1 minute) Add blended mixture to unblended mixture in pot. 5. Garnish with fresh cilantro 6. Enjoy!
Is your mouth watering??? Check out Ryan’s blog at http://plethorawhisk.tumblr.com/
INVEST IN ALOE! Aloe vera is amazing! Cultures around the world have been hip to the amazing powers of aloe for millennia. I recently began using aloe for several different reasons and it always blows my mind! My good friend gifted me with a lovely plant that I’ve been cultivating since summer! You can find these plants for rather low prices (I’ve even seen them at Walgreens for less than $7!). Aloe is great for so many things! Here are the ways that I’ve personally found it useful:
A natural, non-drying hair gel. I lightly spray my hair with water, apply aloe gel straight from plant, then apply light layer of coconut oil.
A cooling salve for heat burns—Burn yourself while cooking? Peel some aloe and apply the gel! It soothes IMMEDIATELY!
A perfect skin moisturizer. After a shower, nothing keeps my skin moisturized all day like aloe vera gel and a light layer of coconut oil to keep the moisture in!
An internal cleanser—eat the clear flesh of the plant and it keeps you regular and kicks out bad bacteria in the stomach!
A remedy for ulcers—great for internal stomach ulcers and external skin ulcers Check out aloe…such a powerful plant will change your life.
Singing Notes of Thanks I thank you, Great Spirit, for endowing me with life. Many thanks to the many Spirits who accompany and assist me along this journey. I give grateful thanks to my mother and father, whose abundant creative energy flows through me and keeps me fulfilled and fortunate. Thank you to my Sisters who always support and nourish meâ€”emotinally, spiritually, and physically. Special thanks to contributors, Valerie , Ryan, & Viktor Le. Many thanks to the children and young adults whom I teach. I always learn from you. Many thanks to President Obama for giving a damn. Many thanks to my Self for believing and growing. Many thanks to you for communing with me.