ELFE NUR REYANY
Scrawling On A Trip
Copyright ÂŠ 2009 Elfe Nur Reyany All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.
For Boyd Mark Andrew
DialoguesDialogues These were written to avoid staring for too long at a bustlingfilled window that only reflected my own sorry-for-itself face. Perhaps I should try writing with tea too. A lighter tone may emerge. Black bitter coffee would probably get me writing jokes for crackers. It shouldnâ€™t be too difficult. Iâ€™m in a foreign land. Never mind, never mind.
Everything has changed tremendously - the tone, the moral climate, the sights and sounds all seemes too unfamiliar. You don’t know who to turn to. You don’t know if you’ll be safe alone. It’s as if all your life you’ve been held by the hands and now you’re on your own. I have no clue what I got myself into. I said yes to several things but no to many things. I got scared. Taking chances are too risky. But taking the plunge seemd like a better deal than just idling off like a mouse.
Fourty Threerty-Three A: Year after year sunk in your lifelong mess muttering to yourself who else you’ll never be the same after this you’ll never be the same after that. B: Or talking to yourself who else out loud imaginary conversations till you were hoarse and they all sounded the same well on into the night. C: Hard to believe you even told anyone you loved them or anyone till just one of those things you kept on making up to keep the void out just another of those old tales to keep the void from pouring in on top of you. D: For God’S sake did you ever say I to yourself in your life. Could you ever say I to yourself in your life’s turning point that was a great word with you before they dried up altogether always having turning points lugged you out and wiped you off and straightened you up or was that another time?
You can live for years next door to a big pine tree.
Paint brushes, cameras, laptop, videos, photographs, curtains, black stool, air purifier, red blanket, black cushions, stained clothes, damp towels, art books, useless phamplets, magazine cutouts, arguing, wrestling, tickling, walking, holding hands, grocery shopping, shoveling, showering, shaving, kitty cat, pet food, cuddling, the truth, lying, role-playing, chicken rice, lunch date, black thrift stores, domestication, life. I gave my heart and soul to you and you make me feel so bohemian.
We all need a little bit of courage sometimes.
Let others bemoan the maliciousness of their age. What irks me is its pettiness, for ours is an age without passion... My life comes out all one color. Kierkegaard
In Solitary I Found Myself Two Zero Three I have always been a solitary individual and though I may have been ridiculed and sometimes discriminated for my â€œunusualâ€? behavior I continued to be in such a state because I thrive in it. It is true that many creative human beings are unable to develop mature relationships because they are extremely isolated - musicians, writers and great poets alike. Because of these few people humanity may not be the way they are, people who were alone a lot, who are able to listen deep into what their soul is trying to say. I dived into several pitfalls. I have kept silent to many grieves. I lied, pretended and played a joyful theatrical piece for everyone else to see. To them, I will never fail. To my downfall, when I do, nobody believed me. When that really happens, I isolate myself. Why the need to depend on others when others are not as conscious as I am with regards to human emotions, to not see the pain and presume the fortitude that I played. For how long can I hold? Even a savage bull needs to sleep.
Castles only exists in fairy tales, my friend.
A documentation of my trip to indonesia.