Dummies’ Guide to an MBA -
Inside this Issue
Q #1: What is an MBA?
“Dummies’ Guide to an
Ans: An MBA is a two year course where people learn to say “value proposition”, “disruptive change” and “distortionary change” without ever getting to know what these words mean. By the end of these two years you will be using sentences like “The value proposition of the product promises to create a critical inflexion point beyond which point disruptive change cannot be stopped”. You will also learn the most important skill of life: knotting a tie.
MBA” By Venkataramana Reddy
“On Conformity” By Manish Mishra
“Under the Scenes Food Joints” By Tushar Nanda
“LitCom’s Guide to Trolling”
TAPMI Breaking News
When someone says something, reply “that is a very right brained way of thinking”. Nobody knows what you are saying. This makes you sound cool.
Q #2: I am an engineer. Does it help? Ans: We know why you are here. You are here because you didn’t know the meaning of words such as “obsequies”. This meant that you flunked GRE. This then meant that your plans of doing an MS, balding, posing at Times Square, getting married and procreating were foiled by default. That, my friend, is exactly why you are here. But I digress. If you think that you are a quant jock because you strategically read six questions from S. Chand & Sons to pass your sixth semester exams (in the second attempt), then you are mistaken. Knowing Fourier Transforms doesn’t give you a competitive advantage (for more on competitive advantage, read Michael Porter. On second thought, don’t. You will waste an entire trimester trying to understand what perversion in him made him write something like that). And last I checked, microprocessor 6681 wasn’t a part of any MBA syllabus. Q #3: Professors keep saying that you have to be more “right brained” in your thinking? What does that mean? Ans: It is generally a euphemism for saying that you don’t have a brain. Well, actually, some dude in some part of the planet came up with this really bright idea, that engineers use their left brain more and people who scored badly in their tenth and hence took up commerce (a general practice in India) use their right brain more. He could be right. But what’s more important is to know when to use these two words. When someone says something, reply “that is a very right brained way of thinking”. Nobody knows what you are saying. This makes you sound cool. Easy peasy.
Q #4: Our batch is diverse. Will that help in the placements? Ans: When a batch consists of doctors, bored housewives, masseurs (also called physiotherapists) and slaves of the IT industry, it cannot really be considered as diversity. It means that men/women with nothing better to with their lives turned up at a group discussion where they discussed topics such as “Is the IPL a bane or a bad thing?” [Yes we know what bane means. No error there]. After
hitting frequencies that are not healthy for the neighbors ear drum, you were called for a “personal interview”. Here, an angry man with a deep voice and a French beard would’ve asked you profoundly existential questions such as “tell me something about yourself”. After clearing the last hurdle and getting your offer letter, you came here without a clue about what to do. As for what happens next refer to question #1. Infinity loop – That’s how we roll!
On Conformity “Those willing to trade liberty for security deserve neither” -
As part of his famous show Art Linkletter had a sign placed on an interstate highway that said, “the state of Tennessee has been closed for 24 hours” and TV audiences ROFLed away as car after car screeched to a halt, unable to understand or go past that sign. It’s not hilarious, if you ask me, it’s dangerous.
The fabled king Dashrath ordered his eldest son to go in exile for 14 years and the epitome of probity Lord Rama obeyed. Many believe this to be the reason of India’s thousands of We are a generation which has years of occupation by foreigners. grown up following protocols. The society and its institutions, Laws, when they go Adding that extra w to a URL, against our moral beginning from the family itself leaving that subject line empty or fabric, deserve to be place a lot of importance on our making that one mistake in our broken. Orders which need to adhere to their codes, go against the welfare passwords can incapacitate us. norms, laws and what not. A of people should be Hence we face no problems in “populace that follows diktats and defied. Institutions, taking orders from the state, the falls in line makes for order and the when they have a say market or the authorities. absence of order means anarchy” in our lives, have to be is what they would have us But in a world which is questioned. believe. Right from childhood, we increasingly being ruled by Big are asked to conform to “the word”, which we Business, Political elite (illuminati?) this degree do, in our naivety and selfish tendencies. What of obedience will prove suicidal. Though order we forget though, is that every institution’s has its merit but if enforced as a rule and foremost objective is self-preservation. Hence, allowed to go unquestioned, there`s no the society helps you as long as you serve its stopping Big Brother from making us do purposes, being a good businessman, anything. engineer, citizen but the moment you want to We are meek spectators when the forces deviate, you are a vagabond and an antiopen fire on protesters, hundreds of people social element. Hence, countries have been are displaced to set-up a business, million year known to sacrifice entire races, the few for the old forests are cleared for industries the sake of “the many”.
avenues of speaking up are rapidly shrinking. Dissenting is a sin qua none and the freethinker a persona non grata.
we think we will be spared. With I would like to share these words of a survivor of the Nazi holocaust.
As we go out into the world a few months from now, we will have to face a lot of these situations like “industry me aisa he hota hai”, etc. Now the choice belongs to us if we are willing to take on that extra inconvenience of being who we are, or another statistic, a binary record in the databases being sold by credit card companies.
“First they came for the communists, but I didn’t speak up, for I wasn’t communist.
Laws, when they go against our moral fabric, deserve to be broken. Orders which go against the welfare of people should be defied. Institutions, when they have a say in our lives, have to be questioned. Many a time we see an injustice happening to someone else, a decision which impacts ‘the other’ and not us. We decide not to protest as
Then they came for the Jews, but I didn’t speak up, for I wasn’t Jewish. Then they came for the Catholics, but I didn’t speak up…. And then they came for me, but no one spoke up For no one was left.” There has always been a certain degree of allure in some people for authoritarian dispensations. But that’s the problem with riding a tiger, isn’t it? You can’t get down when you want to. As for those who will still vote for order, well, we all have studied history. So, gesundheit.
Under the Scenes Food Joints -
Couple of hundred bucks in your pocket, two South Indian fish curry accompanied by the days to go before your dad deposits some vegetable of the day and tangy lime pickle. If juice in your account; ran short of places to it’s your day you can also chew upon the hangout with your buddies for a decent tuck Sukka Bonda (Squid). Leave from here in? Well guys, no need to fret. Presenting some satisfied, with your pocket lighter by only 50 kickass joints sub 2.5 kms from TAPMI where you bucks! can get some well deserved break from the RASOI: I can imagine the look the vegetarian lovely mess food. Statutory Warning: are giving me. The fact is that Not for weak of heart or those you can please everyone in If you are lucky to go unwilling to get their hands dirty or this world ☺ . Welcome to on a Sunday, you can sharing an unrelated phobia to try dig in some Daal Baati Rasoi. It is located beside SPOT local delicacies!! churma, an authentic on Sigma stand. This a joint run Rajasthani preparation. by a family from Jaipur serving UDAYA: This place is opposite the All this and unlimited homemade vegetarian food. 'Bacchus joint’ Swathi inn. Just take servings for 35 bucks All the northies would simply the first building on the fork to only. get nostalgic having this home industrial area. A nondescript like food. For the southies, this is what we guys crowded place with lovely smell of fried fish! were missing here. :P You are on the right track. Enter here to satisfy those deprived taste buds for excellent fried No, seriously. My roomie (a Mallu) swears by fish of various sorts and sizes. In the main this joint’s name. Anyway, there are 3 course, you have steaming rice with spicy preparations consisting of Daal and two
Subzies with choice of Paranthas or Rotis and rice. If you are lucky to go on a Sunday you can dig in some Daal Baati churma, an authentic Rajasthani preparation, all this and unlimited servings for 35 bucks only. ADARSH: Another non-vegetarian joint similar to Udaya but having a larger arsenal. It is located opposite to SPOT, beside the Xerox/computer shop. Regular spread of fish preparations; fried, Tava, Masala etc. For Fish
phobic guys, you can try the chicken sukka/masala/chilly. All guaranteed lip smacking food. Also excellent Biryani is also in the offing. Try to get your hands on the amazing Lassi served here. In short, this is the place you want to be in, to fulfill your nonvegetarian cravings. Forgot to mention, all of this is for less than 100 bucks! Coming up next: Under the scene local joints in Manipal main town!
LitCom’s Guide to Trolling In Internet slang, a troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal ontopic discussion. The 5 commandments of trolling: Know your audience – A good troll, much like a good joke is only as good as the target audience.
Strike while the iron is hot – Context and timing matter more than the wittiness of your troll. Keep it simple – No one has the patience to read an essay for a brief laugh. Keep it short and sweet. Let the context and timing draw laughs. Pick the right meme template - A right template is half the job done. PJ’s are your friends – A poor joke, if presented well, draws more laughs than the most sophisticated of memes.
TAPMI Breaking News A few weeks ago, a PGP-2 student, while exploring a website for his CRBR assignment, accidentally booked a one way airplane ticket from Los Angeles to Miami while sitting in his TAPMI hostel room. After entering an entire form of elaborate and creative fake data, the student entered his actual credit card number at the end and clicked OK. He was scheduled to fly on the 20th of July from LAX airport L.A. at 13:00. The ticket was then swiftly cancelled and money refunded after debiting a juicy penalty (sigh of relief).
Taking a page
out of the “Shubh Arambh”
AD campaign of Cadbury, current VP Rahul Dara approached the senior Boys hostel at 11:45 pm with a 1’1/2 Kg box of Kaju Katri a
day before the first year induction. Six seniors ended up gobbling up the entire box, upon asking these six on what their views were on the same Rahul becoming the new VP for PGP-1 one of them said “Pehli baar dekhke hi I knew… Ladke me potential hai.”
Giving new meaning to contextual irony, a PGP-1 student wrote Manipal’s PinCode in the space provided for writing her answer book serial number during a mid-term examination. What’s the contextual irony? The column title clearly said answer book serial number and this happened during the MNCN exam.