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TransKY ADVOCATE by Tuesday G Meadows

On Femininity


“Well, who are you? I really wanna know. (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?) Tell me, who are you? ‘Cause I really wanna know. (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)” Who Are You, The Who

everal times I have been complimented by someone saying that I “acted and looked” feminine. I wanted to say to them that this is my life and not a performance and that for me this is not a compliment. Like so much of the rest of my selfhood, my femininity is up for scrutiny. It is as if someone is saying, “Well, look at how feminine you are, you almost pass for a real girl.” As for so many other questions in my life, I went to Google to help define “femininity.” The first definition read: “The quality of being female, womanliness — she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels.” I will admit that I do wear makeup on most days and on occasion I do wear high heels. I do not think that either of these things celebrate anything. I wear makeup to cover some of the splotchy skin on my face. When I wear heels it’s two-fold, it looks good with some of my outfits (personal preference) and I feel powerful and in control in most situations. I embrace being a feminine transgender woman, but I am also multi-dimensional, like everyone else. My biggest role model for femininity was my mom. Her femininity had nothing to do with what she wore or did with her

makeup. My mom was confident and tough as nails. She never took a back seat to anyone, especially any man (including my dad). She was also sensitive, kind, and caring. My mom bore 6 children, volunteered everywhere, took care of our household finances, was the decisionmaker for all family matters, and was always politically active. She also was my confidant when I was a teenager. Those are the qualities that taught me how to be a woman. I know I am a woman. I know I have my own type of femininity. One of being confident, sensitive, kind, and caring. I have resolve, and like my mom a certain type of toughness. If you think being a feminine transgender woman is easy, you are not paying attention. Our society is very harsh and judgmental. No, I didn’t lose the human gender or sexuality lottery like some people might think. I do not think I was “born in the wrong body.” What difference does that make anyway? The only mistake that occurred was that I was assigned male at birth (AMAB) by my doctor who delivered me. I was not “born a man” [sic.]; I have always been female. I have no idea why I was born with the outward characteristics of a male

instead of female. Some studies suggest biological variations may cause this to happen. Scientists will figure that out long after I am gone. I have only had one brain and that brain has always been female. I did not transition medically and socially to be female, I did it to be myself. I didn’t change my brain. Never mistake my kindness for weakness. Never-ever mistake me being feminine for me not being a strong individual. I will always be kind but I will not be taken advantage of by anyone. Also, I’m always feminine but that might not fit into “your” definition of feminine. I am proud to be a feminine transgender woman. I embrace my femininity, celebrate my life, and will continue to stand up to those that aggressively ask the question, “Who are you?” I do appreciate all of the individuals who accept me and all gender variant people for who we are. As for anybody else who wants to keep questioning me, my message is: I am happy being me, neither your disrespect nor your backhanded compliments will change that. You may write me at or follow me on Twitter @trishgigi. Now Tuesday’s gone with the wind. Q


October 2016 LinQ  

LinQ is the only monthly magazine that focuses on the Kentucky LGBTQ... community. LinQ is published monthly by and for the Pride Community...

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