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TransKyAdvocate By Tuesday G. Meadows Transgender Dysphoria Blues, Part 2 “They hold their breath not to catch the sick.”

S

ince I started to transition, I have

140 miles per hour, but it still was not

wanted to see her grow up. I made her a

given more and more thought

enough for me. Daylight driving on the

promise that I would stop being reckless

and reflection to my own experience of

interstate, passing cars in the emergency

with my life and be there for her future,

Gender Dysphoria. In Part 1, I discussed

lane, eventually got to be boring and not

full-time as a woman. My decision to

the broader topic of GD; in this part, I

enough risk. I soon progressed to driving

stay alive and to make my transition

will discuss my own experience.

at those high rates of speed at night with

later did not make my GD disappear. In

For a long time, I lived only going

my lights off, and next going the wrong

fact, it was there every day, every week,

forward, never looking backward. So it

way, and finally with my eyes closed. At

every year.

was very painful for me to even think

that rate, my recklessness was going to

I did fulfill my promise to my daughter

about events in my life. Living life

end very soon, and I was not only going

and I saw her grow up. However, I

only for the moment meant that I was

to take out myself but potentially some

continued to struggle with my emotions

engaging in high risk activities. At the

innocent person.

and my physical health. I wonder now

time, I would not have said that I was

There was a great disconnect between

if the stress of GD contributed to my

suicidal, but that I was causing my wife

the person I knew I really was and the

heart disease and coronary bypass at the

so much pain because I wanted to be a

person that I had to be every day. I could

age of 43. Last year, I started to fulfill

girl that would she be better off without

not block or bury my need to be a girl.

my promise and began the transition,

me in her life. Now I know this was part

Every single day of my life as far back

including hormones. I have also started

of my gender dysphoria.

as I can remember I knew that I was

to seek perspective and support with

Maybe it was hard for me to recognize

female. I also knew my family needed

therapy. My friends and family often ask

what was going on with me at the time,

me to be there for them emotionally and

if I am happy now. My answer is, “Well,

or I thought I was “just being one of the

financially, and I did not see a way then

at least I am me, now.” And, in case you

guys.” From the consumption of large

that the two needs could be compatible.

were wondering, my biggest supporter

amounts of alcohol and drugs to standing

I had no idea how to solve this great

is my daughter; not too long ago she told

on the rail of one of the highest bridges

conflict going on inside of my head

me, “You should have done this sooner.”

in the state, I was taking risks that did

except to keep taking risks.

You may write me at tmeadows828@

not seem to be excessive to me at the

However, one morning, I woke up

gmail.com or follow me on twitter at

time. I bought a high-performance sports

after a night of excess and looked at my

TuesdayM@trishgigi. Now Tuesday’s

car that could easily hit speeds of 130 to

3-year-old daughter and just knew that I

gone with the wind!

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LinQ November 2014, Vol. 36, No. 11  

LinQ is the only monthly magazine that focuses on Kentucky LGBT issues.

LinQ November 2014, Vol. 36, No. 11  

LinQ is the only monthly magazine that focuses on Kentucky LGBT issues.

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