with you.’ ‘Jason, you’re gay,’ I reminded him. ‘Am sure I can also perform with a woman,’ he replied. ‘Jason, you cannot be serious!’ My voice was hitting the high notes. ‘Balan, I was just suggesting. I don’t even know if Gina is in love me,’ he tried to console me. ‘It will get my mother off my back too, ‘ he added. ‘Still the very thought, it frightens me,’ I told him. * My mother telephoned me to give the wonderful news, as she called it. Jason had proposed to Gina and she had accepted. They were already talking of the wedding day. My mother was checking for an auspicious date. A few minutes later, Jason walked into the flat. From the look on my face he knew that I had already been told. He said he wanted to be the one to tell me. But now he knew that my mother had beaten him to it. ‘Balan, this will make it all so much more cosier for us. I do like Gina. And I do like the idea of having children. I love you and we can still spend time together. No one will suspect anything.’ That was the first time he actually said he loved me. Yet, some thing went cold within me towards Jason. He wanted everything, me and my sister, for himself. I did not know how he could have us both. Jason and I said little about the wedding from then on. My parents thought it was wonderful that my friend was marrying Gina. At Jason’s request, I agreed to be his best man. Jason and I continued to sleep with each other. On the night before the wedding, we made love in a frantic fashion which neither could explain. In the morning, we dressed in my bedroom for the wedding ceremony. Jason looked handsome in his bridegroom suit. Here we were, two men who loved each other. In some countries, we could have been on the way to our own wedding. As I adjusted his tie, a strong pang of love surged through my being. I drew him to my body and held him in an embrace I never held a man before or will ever again. As I kissed, I knew that I would never kiss this man again. * I did not make it to my sister’s and Jason’s fifth wedding anniversary. Just like I never went for any of their earlier anniversaries. My mother constantly asks why I see so little of my best friend. My sister assumes something has gone sour between Jason and me. I do not care to know what Jason thinks. He wanted more than he 91
LIJLA Vol.5, No.2 August 2017