4 minute read
A Final Thought
Nip Confidence Wobbles In The Bud
by LEE LAM, Your Startup Partner (the-usp.co.uk)
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When someone is confident – assured, certain of their path – there is a tendency to think of it as a personality trait – you’ve either got it or you haven’t.
But confidence acts more like an emotion – it flows in and out of your personality. It can change in an instant – think of times when you were unsure of how you looked and someone complimented you – it’s such a boost! But then there are times where you feel great, but others disagree – and you want the ground to swallow you up. Ironically, these two things can happen on exactly the same day, wearing exactly the same thing!
There’s no such thing as a confident person. Usually, the people who you think of as confident just have a better ability to regain that feeling more quickly.
Everyone has wobbles. Sometimes they are external criticism of a decision, a comment on your actions. More often it is an internal wobble – a jolt in your self belief that makes you doubt yourself.The challenge is that the longer it is allowed to control your thoughts and actions, the harder it is to remember that it is only a temporary feeling.
So, if you are having one of those wobbles – what can you do to overcome it?
Confidence is based on two things – the sense of control you have over your environment and your beliefs.
Do you feel in charge of your life and if you do, what do you believe you are capable of?
Controlling your environment can feel tough and you definitely lose confidence when you feel that you are having to react to everything. There are three parts to your environment: those things that you have complete control of (your thoughts, your body), those that you can influence (your home, your friends, your family) and those that you have no control over (the weather, global events). With the things that you cannot control at all, you prepare – what would you do if these things happened (mostly, this becomes take an umbrella).
Where you have complete control, remind yourself that you can choose minute by minute what to do.
influence, because here you have a real choice of how to act and react. Rather than worrying, focus on what you want to happen – then look at how you could make that so. Do you need to convince someone to change their mind? Do you need to strike a power pose to give you a boost before that important meeting? Do you need to focus on the bigger goal you want to achieve, rather than focusing on the failures you have getting there?
Confident doesn’t mean that everything goes your way – it means you believe that you can control, influence or cope with whatever life throws at you.
What you believe is the most important piece of true confidence. You may feel like you know who you are, but so much of that is set by others. You know they will judge your actions, so you try to fit in, to be accepted. But that can feel like wearing an ill-fitting suit –You can’t concentrate on anything other than how uncomfortable you are.
People who feel confident have a great sense of who they are, rather than who others want them to be. Their beliefs are driven by self-awareness and a belief that they have intrinsic value and worth. You are worth so much more than you think – how much different would your life be if you really understood that?
Can you change what you believe? Yes, but it is a process.
First you have to recognise the belief that you have. Then ask, where did I get this from? Is it something I think about myself, or is it something that other people have said about me?
Once you know this answer, you ask the final question – is that who I want to be? You get to choose the answer and it can be your first step towards strengthening your confidence and getting back on track. These questions can become a daily practice if needed – they are simple to remember and quick to use – they deal with any wobbles that may come your way.
It is unlikely you will ever will the weather to get better, but for everything else in your world, you have far more control – if you just grab it.
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