higher than yourself? If so, how do you connect to your divine source? I ask people to really think about those questions – to think about them with “purposeful thinking.” Many people who have experienced childhood abuse live by default, in fear or anxiety, and not on purpose. If one does not know how to truly think purposefully, then one lives a life according to the whims of their emotions or someone else’s desires. We must understand how the brain and the subconscious work together when childhood trauma has occurred. I am a firm believer that educating ourselves about the function of these combined energies will help untangle the mess that keeps us living in self-sabotaging ways. As for therapy, it is good – very good. It helped me. But it only went so far. I was determined to go further in my healing process, and have come to understand that personal growth and development is a lifelong pursuit. Shame and humiliation are not words one wants to be associated with. The truth is, though, one will act like a puppet – not in control of one’s own life – unless the strings of shame and humiliation are cut. And so, how does one detox from the deeply embedded poisons of self-sabotage and habitual thought patterns that drain energy and confidence?
BEGINNING THE DETOX The subject of childhood sexual abuse, or any type of abuse, is a big ugly wheel with a lot of complicated spokes. To begin a detox, one must go from the inside to the outside to above and beyond. What do I mean by that? That one must understand that what goes on in our heads creates our outer lives, which, in turn, puts energy into the possibility of rising above the abuse and embracing a life of transformation that will lead us beyond our self-sabotaging beliefs and into a thriving mindset. Here are a few steps to begin the process of dismantling the negative power of past trauma or abuse within your psyche.
BECOME AWARE When your intuition is shouting and you are not listening, unsettling things keep happening. One remains a victim. What are your relationships like? Is life easygoing or is it filled with trauma and drama? Do you look at others and wish you had their life or relationship stability? Seek awareness. Take notes on your own behaviors and thought patterns. Do not judge them, just observe them. When awareness occurs, we can then seek information to guide and help us.
AWAKEN As you become more aware, you will see patterns that are self-sabotaging or hurtful to others. It is important to wake up to the fact that this is not a positive way to live. Self-sabotage can cost you loving relationships, friendships, a positive work environment, or even the pursuing of your dreams. The good news is that no one needs to live with the
effects of hidden shame and inner pain that veil the psyche. Our brains are incredible machines that, properly channeled, can change deep-rooted self-sabotaging belief systems and transform them into healthy and positive habits that lead to the peaceful inner life we desire in order to produce the outer life we dream of living.
TAKE ACTION When we get tired of the inner pain that keeps us from truly living, growing, and transforming, we either hit an emotional bottom or we come pretty close to it. That is when there is only one thing left to do: Take action. For some reason, most humans are hard-pressed to heed wisdom and good advice when they hear it; but the pains of life have a way of making us either wake up and take action or, if we ignore them, keep falling down the rabbit hole of victimization. Action, therefore, is required to take responsibility. We must look for help – for people, books, therapies, workshops – anything that will help lead us back to our true self. This action can bring about selflove, which, in turn, gives us inspiration and motivation to understand that what has happened to us does not define us. Action is what it takes to reveal that the deeply rooted shame and embarrassment we have been harboring can be detoxed out of our psyche. You must take action – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically – to bring about healing.
CREATE PURPOSEFUL THOUGHTS We have upwards of 65,000 thoughts that, every day, bubble up from our subconscious. In many instances, the understanding of our thoughts are unbeknownst to us; and, depending upon the predominant thought patterns we have, we glom onto ones that may make us feel bad without even knowing why. We then blame others or circumstances for our unhappiness and problems, which are, in reality, being fed by our own subconscious. Thinking on purpose is a vitally important skill that needs to be developed. To do that, be mindful throughout each day of your behavior, feelings and thoughts. By doing this, toxins will become exposed. Once you become aware and awake to these inner toxins, the process of changing your thinking begins. It is in our thinking that a new life can then be created. You would be amazed by what purposeful thinking can accomplish. There are newer neuroscience meditations that can help with awareness and thinking patterns. Hypnotherapy may also be helpful, as well as coaching and mentoring. Detoxifying our subconscious can help us be more content, loving, caring, empathetic and successful human beings. We become more conscientious and aware when the journey of life is greeted with gratitude and growth. When we become more aware and awake to what is holding us back, we can take the proper action to
transform our lives. What is holding you back? If not childhood abuse, then perhaps it is some other toxins that have infiltrated your thought patterns and subconscious belief systems and are stunting your growth and well-being. Remember, every person is meant to have a life in which they can shine. You are meant to shine! So become aware and awake, start thinking purposeful thoughts, take action, and show the world – and more importantly, yourself – just how brightly you can shine!
Meet MARYALICe Maryalice Coleman is the author of “Shatter Shame and Shine,” (BalboaPress, 2014) and the creator of the “Change Your Aim Change Your Life” workshop. An inner-life coach and mentor, her passion, compassion, and effectiveness in helping women around the world to heal their lives and fulfill their dreams, springs from her own recovery from the pain of childhood sexual abuse. In addition to her university degree in applied psychology, Coleman stays current on leading-edge research into neuro-plasticity and the brain’s capacity to outgrow limiting patterns that developed in response to trauma. Through formative experiences, a lifelong pursuit of personal growth and development, and 20 years of facilitating support groups, workshops and mentoring sessions, she has created a process of compassionate, empathetic, and focused coaching. Her in-depth workshop, known as “The Living Room Effect,” helps educate and inspire women, leading to dynamic, transformational personal growth and development. For more information on Coleman and her work, click on www.womensgrowthnetwork.com. May 2016 LIFEAFTER50.COM 19