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Lasting, forever intimacy, is is what Isearch, am in Lasting, forever intimacy, what I am in ever search, New new discoveries; Will it New developments, developments, new discoveries; work? Will itpure, ever work? My heart values clean love, My heart values pure, clean love, no where, seems to be above. No one,Nonoone, where, seems to be above. Betrayal, mistrust, violation; IsIsall Ifree. see; Betrayal, mistrust, violation; all I It’s all I can do, to be set see; It’s all suffocated, Isuffocated, can do, completely to be set mined; free. Disrespected, underDisrespected, completely undermined; Trusting in in authority has caused me tobehind. beme left Trusting authority has caused to be left behind. Hiding in the just givinggiving it and all away; Hiding in thedarkness, darkness, just it Not understanding there is brilliance gloall away; ry just at bay. Not understanding there isjust brilliance and glory at bay. Do they find me attractive? Will they look my Do they find me attractive? Will they way? look Searching confused, distorted, eachmy andway? every Searching confused, distorted, each day. and every day. lavishly, completely and WhoWho willwill lovelove memelavishly, completely whole? and whole? Not perversely, not co-dependently, not acting Not perversely, not co-dependently, a total fool? not acting a total fool? Findingsafety safety ministering to my Finding and and ministering to my each and each and every need, every need, Clean, relations. Lord, I Lord, beg! Clean,healthy healthy relations. Lord, I beg! Lord, I plead! plead!I Learningtoto trust again, running to Learning trust again, running to the light; the light; Feeling safeitand and free thisthis is my Feeling safe freeagain, again, isplight. myis .voices Giving all away, not realizing my life plight. priceless, Giving it alleach away, not realizing my life is priceless, Doing all I can day, to keep myself from Doing all I can eachself day,from to keep mycrisis. crisis. I’vewised wised up up now. trying to play it I’ve now.No Nolonger longer trying to cool. it cool. Giving all away, away, almost leftplay me lonely, hard Giving it itall almost left me loneand cruel. ly, hard and cruel. Realizing life is dark sided as canbe, be, Realizing life is the dark sided as can I’ve been given the gift of a brighter life; I’veLiberated, been given gift of a brighter exhilarated, completely setlife; free. L a s t i n g , f o r e v e r i n t i m a c y , i s w h a t I a m i n s e a r c h , N e w d e v e l o p m e n t s , n e w d i s c o v e r i e s ; W i l l i t e v e r w o r k ? M y h e a r t v a l u e s p u r e , c l e a n l o v e , N o o n e , n o w h e r e , s e e m s t o b e a b o v e . B e t r a y a l , m i s t r u s t , v i o l a t i o n ; I s a l l I s e e ; I t ’ s a l l I c a n d o , t o b e s e t f r e e . D i s r e s p e c t e d , s u f f o c a t e d , c o m p l e t e l y u n d e r m i n e d ; Tr u s t i n g i n a u t h o r i t y h a s c a u s e d m e t o b e l e f t b e h i n d . H i d i n g i n t h e d a r k n e s s , j u s t g i v i n g i t a l l a w a y ; N o t u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e r e i s b r i l l i a n c e a n d g l o r y j u s t a t b a y . D o t h e y f i n d m e a t t r a c t i v e ? W i l l t h e y l o o k m y w a y ? S e a r c h i n g c o n f u s e d , d i s t o r t e d , e a c h a n d e v e r y d a y . W h o w i l l l o v e m e l a v i s h l y , c o m p l e t e l y a n d w h o l e ? N o t p e r v e r s e l y , n o t c o - d e p e n d e n t l y , n o t a c t i n g a t o t a l f o o l ? F i n d i n g s a f e t y a n d m i n i s t e r i n g t o m y e a c h a n d e v e r y n e e d , C l e a n , h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s . L o r d , I b e g ! L o r d , I p l e a d ! L e a r n i n g t o t r u s t a g a i n , r u n n i n g t o t h e l i g h t ; F e e l i n g s a f e a n d f r e e a g a i n , t h i s i s m y p l i g h t . G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , n o t r e a l i z i n g m y l i f e i s p r i c e l e s s , D o i n g a l l I c a n e a c h d a y , t o k e e p m y s e l f f r o m c r i s i s . I ’ v e w i s e d u p n o w . N o l o n g e r t r y i n g t o p l a y i t c o o l . G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , a l m o s t l e f t m e l o n e l y , h a r d a n d c r u e l . R e a l i z i n g l i f e i s d a r k

Lori Falabella

1


a m

l o v e , W hN o woi l l ol o n v e e m ,e l anv ios h l yw , cho me p r l e e t e ,l y a b o v e N o t p e r v e r s e l y , n o t c o - d e p e n d e n t l y , n o t a. c t F i n d i n g s a f e t y a n d m i n i s t e r i n g t o m y e a c h B e tC rl e aa n y, ah e la l,t h y mr e il ast ito nr s .u Lso rt d ,, I vb ei g o! Ll s e e ; I tL e’ a sr n i an g l t lo t rIu s t c a ag a ni n , d r u non ,i n g t t oo D i s r e Fse epl i en g c s ta f ee da n ,d f sr e ue af g fa i on , ct hai st ies G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , n o t r eda lei z ri nm g mi y n l ief T r u sD ot i in gn a gl l I i c na n eaa cuh td ahy , ot or ki e te py m y hs e l e f t b e h i I ’ v e w i s e d u p n o w . N o l o n g e r t r y i n g t H i Gd i vi i n n g gi t ai l ln a w t a yh , ael m o d s t al erf tk mne e l o sn esl y R e a l i z i n g l i f e i s d a r k s iad ew d aa s y c ; N o t LuIi b’ nve er da bt eeeed n,r egsxi hvt ei aln a rnt ah tede dgi,i fnct o gom fp la te tbher li yeg hsrte g l o r y j u s t D o t h e y f i n d m e a t t r a c t m y w a S e a r c h i n g c o n f u s e d , d e v e r y d W h o w i l l l o v e m e l a v i s w h o l e N o t p e r v e r s e l y , n o t c o a c t i n g a t o t a l F i n d i n g s a f e t y a n d m i n i e a c h a n d e v e r y n C l e a n , h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s b e g ! L o r d , I p l e a d L e a r n i n g t o t r u s t a g a i n , n i n g t o t h e l i g h t ; F e e l i n g s a f e a n d f r e e a g t h i s i s m y p l i g h t . i n

h ,

N e w

i s c o v e r i e s ;

W i l l

v a l u e s

p u r e ,

w h e r e ,

s e e m s

s t ,

n

t o

v i o l a t i o n ;

d o ,

t e d ,

t o

b e

I s

s e t

m e

e v e r

w o r k ?

l o v e ,

b e

a b o v e .

a l l

I

B

s e e ;

D i s r e s

f r e e .

c o m p l e t e l y

c a u s e d

i t

c l e a n

t o

Tr u s t i n g

u n d e r m i n e d ;

b e

l e f t

b e h i n d .

H i d i n g

N o t

j u s t

g i v i n g

b r i l l i a n c e

t i v e ?

i t

a l l

a n d

W i l l

i s t o r t e d ,

a w a y ;

g l o r y

t h e y

e a c h

d e v e l

l o o k

a n d

u n d e r s t a D o

j u s t

a t

m y

w a y ?

e v e r y

b a y .

d a y .

W h o

N o t

a v i s h l y ,

c o m p l e t e l y

e p e n d e n t l y , i s t e r i n g

t i o n s .

s t

d

t o

a g a i n ,

n o t

m y

L o r d ,

f r e e

c h

n o t

I

e a c h

r u n n i n g

t h i s

r e a l i z i n g

d a y ,

t o

k e e p

w h o l e ?

a c t i n g

b e g !

a g a i n ,

a n d

m y

a

a n d

t o t a l

I

p e r v

F i n d i n g

f o o l ?

e v e r y

L o r d ,

t h e y

S e a r c h

C l e a

n e e d ,

p l e a d !

t o

t h e

l i g h t ;

G i v

i s

m y

p l i g h t .

D o

l i f e

m y s e l f

i s

p r i c e l e s s ,

f r o m

c r i s i s .

I ’

G i v i

w .

N o

l o n g e r

a l m o s t

l e f t

t r y i n g

m e

t o

l o n e l y ,

p l a y

h a r d

i t

c o o l .

a n d

l i f e i s d a r k s i d e d a s c a n b e , i v e n t h e g i f t o f a b r i g h t e r l i f e ; x h i l a r a t e d , c o m p l e t e l y s e t f r e e .

c r u e l .


t o

s e a r c h ,

d i s c o v e r i e s ;

b e

W i l l

i n g Ma y th eo a tr ta vl a l fu eo s o p lu ?r e , h e er ee, ds e, e m s a n Nd o eo nve e, rn oy w n o r d , I p l e a d !

i t

e v e r

w o r k ?

ori Falabell

s e e m e s?

l ao pnmde n tw s , h n oe wl

c l e a n

l o v e ,

l a t i o n ; I s a l l I f r e e . t hb e lei g h s t ; e t dm y, p l ci g oh t m p l e t e l y u n . d ; e i s p r i c e l e s s , m e t o b e laf sf r o c m ac r u i s is s .e d i n d . o p l a y i t c o o l . ,, h ja r ud sa n td c rgu ie l v. i n g i t a l l ;a n b e , ; e eter f lr ieif ees . b r i l l i a n c e a n d a t b a y . t i v e ? W i l l t h e y l o o k y ? i s t o r t e d , e a c h a n d d a y . s h l y , c o m p l e t e l y a n d ? d e p e n d e n t l y , n o t f o o l ? s t e r i n g t o m y e e d , s . L o r d , I d ! r u n a i n ,

B e t r a y a l , I t ’ s

m i s t r u s t ,

a l l

p e c t e d ,

I

a u t h o r i t y

i n

t h e

f i n d

o

m e

h e a l t h y

c a u s e d

j u s t

t r u s t a n d

a l l I

a w a y ,

c a n

n o t

w i s e d

u p

n o w .

i n g

i t

a w a y ,

N o

I

b e g !

t h i s

k e e p

l o n g e r l e f t

m y

w a y ?

a n d

m y

b a y .

d a y .

w h o l e ?

a

a n d

t o t a l

e v e r y

L o r d ,

I

p l e a d !

t h e

l i g h t ;

i s

m y

p l i g h t .

l i f e

m y s e l f

t o

l o n e l y ,

i s

f o o l ?

n e e d ,

t o

t r y i n g

m e

a t

a c t i n g

r u n n i n g

t o

j u s t

e v e r y

e a c h

r e a l i z i n g

a l m o s t

l o o k

n o t

b e h i n d .

a w a y ;

a n d

m y

a g a i n ,

d a y ,

l e f t

a l l

t h e y

t o

s e e ;

u n d e r m i n e d ;

g l o r y

e a c h

a g a i n ,

e a c h

’ v e

a l l

i t

L o r d ,

f r e e

I

c o m p l e t e l y

m i n i s t e r i n g

r e l a t i o n s .

a l l

b e

a n d

W i l l

a b o v e .

f r e e .

t o

g i v i n g

l a v i s h l y ,

t o

i t

m e

d i s t o r t e d ,

s a f e

a l l

s e t

c o - d e p e n d e n t l y ,

a n d

L e a r n i n g

b e

b r i l l i a n c e

m e

n o t

F e e l i n g

t o

b e

I s

c o m p l e t e l y

a t t r a c t i v e ?

l o v e

s a f e t y

i n g

i s

c o n f u s e d ,

e r s e l y ,

v i n g

h a s

t h e r e

w i l l

a n ,

d o ,

d a r k n e s s ,

n d i n g

v i o l a t i o n ;

s u f f o c a t e d ,

i n

h i n g

c a n

t o

p r i c e l e s s ,

f r o m

p l a y

h a r d

c r i s i s .

i t

c o o l .

a n d

c r u e l .

R e a l i z i n g l i f e i s d a r k s i d e d a s c a n b e , I ’ v e b e e n g i v e n t h e g i f t o f a b r i g h t e r l i f e ; L i b e r a t e d , e x h i l a r a t e d , c o m p l e t e l y s e t f r e e .

3


collection of words: 1995 - 2010


This book is dedicated to myself!

07 09 10 13 15 17 19 21 23 25 27 29 31 33 35 37 39

Speechless Lasting Honest Just stupid Priceless Lonely Soul Hungry Deception Bullied Blind Faith Skin Deep Exhausted Murder Me Destiny True Friend Laziness Voices

41

{Lori Falabella}

Voices

5


s

Speech less p

e

e

c

h

l

e

s

s


Speechless Speechless, voiceless, quietly screaming inside. No one listening, makes people cry. Whispering, shouting, no one even looks. Trying to make a difference, you have to create a hook. People looking on, afraid to involve care? Being able to stand afar, with a blank, and cold, hard stare. Can they see the truth of the real situation? Doing nothing with truth and knowledge, is pure frustration. Listen to the inner voice on your journey of life, Paying attention to the twinges in your gut, not allowing strife. Capturing hearts, inspiring others. Challenging, rewarding, these are my druthers. Standing up, reaching out. Respecting wishes, erasing doubt. Finding strength, eliminating stress. Running away from being speechless.

7


Lasting, forever intimacy, is what I am in search, New developments, new discoveries; Will it ever work? My heart values pure, clean love, No one, no where, seemsabove. to be Betrayal, mistrust, violation; Is all I see; It’s all I can do, to be set free. Disrespected, suffocated, completely undermined; Trusting in authority has behind. caused me to be left Hiding in the darkness, justaway; giving it all Notliance understanding there is briland glory just at bay. Do they find me attractive? Will they look my way? Searching confused, each and distorted, every day. Who will lovepletely me lavishly, comand whole? Not perversely, not aco-dependently, not acting total fool? Finding safety and ministering to my each and every need, Clean, healthybeg! relations. Lord, I Lord, plead!I Learning to trust again, running to the light; Feeling safe and free again, this is


Lasting Lasting, forever intimacy, is what I am in search, New developments, new discoveries; Will it ever work? My heart values pure, clean love, No one, no where, seems to be above. Betrayal, mistrust, violation; Is all I see; It’s all I can do, to be set free. Disrespected, suffocated, completely undermined; Trusting in authority has caused me to be left behind. Hiding in the darkness, just giving it all away; Not understanding there is brilliance and glory just at bay. Do they find me attractive? Will they look my way? Searching confused, distorted, each and every day. Who will love me lavishly, completely and whole? Not perversely, not co-dependently, not acting a total fool? Finding safety and ministering to my each and every need, Clean, healthy relations. Lord, I beg! Lord, I plead! Learning to trust again, running to the light; Feeling safe and free again, this is my plight. Giving it all away, not realizing my life is priceless, Doing all I can each day, to keep myself from crisis. I’ve wised up now. No longer trying to play it cool. Giving it all away, almost left me lonely, hard and cruel. Realizing life is dark sided as can be, I’ve been given the gift of a brighter life; Liberated, exhilarated, completely set free. 9


Honest Girls to Boys, Women to Men. Compared, then separated, over and over again. Do you lead, or do you follow? Pity, shame and fury, will you wallow? Perceptions, deceptions, misguide your life. Constant turmoil, suffering and strife. They Guide, we seek, Departure of life’s never-ending critique. Playing the victim, trying to claim attention. Accountability needed, for this intervention. Listening ONLY to authority, is our ancestors ways. This has lead us, to dark and dreary days. Distorting the truth in selfish fulfillment, Confusion, insecurities, mental illness present. Covering up, making up, for all the poor decisions. Not necessarily on a righteous path, awaiting serious revisions. Burying our secrets in addictions finds us lonely. Scrambling for happiness. People reach out, if only.


Living in accordance, is consenting to torment. Realizing you have choices, do not waste time to lament. Get started with the healing, get ready to depart. Protecting your mind, your soul & especially your heart.. Scandals, lies, and continuous deceit. Violations that only seem to repeat. Poisoning the mind, starting at birth, Most of us never knowing our success, or our worth. Over run with pain, torment, and resentment. Pleas for forgiveness, truth and contentment. Trusting, respecting, having faith in love. When I follow others lead, I am merely a boxing glove. Used, abused and broken down from within. Evil, dark, sinful experiences, shocking from our kin. Walk away, starting fresh and anew. Leaving behind betrayal, deceit; being honest with YOU!

11


ed, creates my anxiety. Excuses, excuses, excuses! Enough of t his crap already!

Wat ching as life‘s wast ed, creat es my anxiet y.

Ignorant and st upid, is t he way of societ y.

Excuses,ofexcuses, Enough this crapexcuses! already! Put go your together, people getlife ready. Put your life t oget her, people go get ready.

Carelessly offering advice, not qualified t o discuss.

Just a lit tle knowledge, makes some people dangerous.

Just a people little knowledge, some dangerous.makes Carelessly offering advice, not qualified to discuss. People in posit ions t hat offer t hem t o lead.

Bleeding you, draining you, growing ever so host ile.

Dependency, co-dependency, it is sick, repulsive and vile.

Not working t heir pot ent ial, mot ivat ed only by greed.

People fer themintopositions lead. that ofNot working their motivated only by potential, greed. Do people believe it’s okay living so unaware? Lacking basic knowledge, seems t hey do not care?

Will t he st upidit y ever end, or will it last forever? People pass on t hese t rait s; Oh, how I wish it would sever.  Working and working for knowledge you so desperat ely deserve. When you least expect it , you are t hrown anot her curve.

Dependency, co-dependency, it is sick, repulsive and vile. Bleedingever you,so draining growing hostile.you, Claiming ignorance in life, is absolut ely no excuse. Int elligence and knowledge, will we ever produce?

Will theitstupidity ever end, or will last forever?

People pass on these traits; Oh, how I wish it would sever.  Working working fordeserve. knowledge you and so desperately

Just stupid: Ignorant and stupid, is the way of society.


Ignorant and stupid, is the way of society. Watching as life‘s wast-

Just stupid Ignorant and stupid, is the way of society. Watching as life‘s wasted, creates my anxiety. Excuses, excuses, excuses! Enough of this crap already! Put your life together, people go get ready. Just a little knowledge, makes some people dangerous. Carelessly offering advice, not qualified to discuss. People in positions that offer them to lead. Not working their potential, motivated only by greed. Dependency, co-dependency, it is sick, repulsive and vile. Bleeding you, draining you, growing ever so hostile. Will the stupidity ever end, or will it last forever? People pass on these traits; Oh, how I wish it would sever.  Working and working for knowledge you so desperately deserve. When you least expect it, you are thrown another curve. Do people believe it’s okay living so unaware? Lacking basic knowledge, seems they do not care? Claiming ignorance in life, is absolutely no excuse. Intelligence and knowledge, will we ever produce?

13


Huge, gaping wound. Too deep to see. Empty hollow soul, wanting to fill it with glee. Quieting the mind, controlling my every thought. Fighting the violence, revenge I plot. Hope, nor happiness, lives inside this being. Haunted by torture, looking for a meaning. Deep, dark secrets

u g e ,

hidden within my soul.

g a p i n g

n d .

To o

l l o w

d e e p

s o u l ,

t o

Buried in torment, fighting

s e e .

w a n t i n g

t o

f i l l

i t

not to let them rule. Be

w i t h

honest, don’t be fearful, go

g l e e . e t i n g

t h e

m i n d ,

F i g h t i n g p e ,

n o r

u n t e d

e p , i n

t h e

d a r k

t o r t u r e , s e c r e t s

t o r m e n t ,

e s t ,

d o n ’ t

b e

t h e

m i n d

o f

t

t h e

a s

I

a n d n e s s

i n

s e l f

o n l y i s

y o u ,

n o t

h e

t r u t h

n g

c h a n g e y o u r

g o

b e i n g .

t h e m

t h e

o r

y o u t h .

t h e

o c e a n .

i n

a w a y i s

m o t i o n .

y o u r

j u s t

t a k e s

a

s i g n

t h e o f

c e r t a i n l y

o u r s e l v e s

f r e e i n g

Running fast as I can. Living in denial. Turning

truth m y

i n

w h i n i n g

i s

not resisting the motion.

t r u t h .

d e n i a l .

h e a l i n g ,

Pushing, shoving waters,

r u l e .

L i v i n g

w h o

is like floating in the ocean.

s o u l .

t h e

d e c i d e s

w i t h i n

s o u l ,

m y

l e t

f l o a t i n g

o r

my youth. Weathering out the traumas

m e a n i n g .

s i n c e

w a s h e s

mind of terror, ever since

p l o t .

t h i s

a

s e e k

I

t h o u g h t .

r e s i s t i n g

f o r g e t t i n g ,

a n d

t o

e v e r

o n l y

p i t y

f o r

w i t h i n

n o t

l i k e n o t

c a n .

a d d i c t i o n s ,

o w i n g

i n

i s

e v e r y

i n s i d e

h i d d e n

t e r r o r ,

w a t e r s ,

f a s t

l i v e s

f e a r f u l ,

m y

r e v e n g e

l o o k i n g

f i g h t i n g

t r a u m a s

n n i n g t o

v i o l e n c e ,

h a p p i n e s s ,

b y

s h o v i n g

seek the truth. Cleansing the

c o n t r o l l i n g

i s

s e c r e t s ,

n o t

s m i l e .

l a m e .

b l a m e .

b e i n g

n o t

a n

w e a k .

f o r

e a s y

l e a r n i n g

i t s

t h e

m e e k .

b a t t l e . o k a y

t o

t a t t l e .

to addictions, only washes away your smile. Wallowing in self pity or whining is just lame. You and only you, decides who takes the blame. Forgiveness is not forgetting, or a sign of being weak.Accepting the truth and healing, is certainly not for the meek. Provoking change within ourselves is not an easy battle. Filling the hole in your soul, freeing secrets, learning its okay to tattle.


Lonely Soul Huge, gaping wound. Too deep to see. Empty hollow soul, wanting to fill it with glee. Quieting the mind, controlling my every thought. Fighting the violence, revenge I plot. Hope, nor happiness, lives inside this being. Haunted by torture, looking for a meaning. Deep, dark secrets hidden within my soul. Buried in torment, fighting not to let them rule. Be honest, don’t be fearful, go seek the truth. Cleansing the mind of terror, ever since my youth. Weathering out the traumas is like floating in the ocean. Pushing, shoving waters, not resisting the motion. Running fast as I can. Living in denial. Turning to addictions, only washes away your smile. Wallowing in self pity or whining is just lame. You and only you, decides who takes the blame. Forgiveness is not forgetting, or a sign of being weak. Accepting the truth and healing, is certainly not for the meek. Provoking change within ourselves is not an easy battle. Filling the hole in your soul, freeing secrets, learning its okay to tattle.

15


L a s t i n g , f o r e v e r i n t i m a c y , i s w h a t I a m i n s e a r c h , N e w d e v e l o p m e n t s , n e w d i s c o v e r i e s ; W i l l i t e v e r w o r k ? M y h e a r t v a l u e s p u r e , c l e a n l o v e , N o o n e , n o w h e r e , s e e m s t o b e a b o v e . B e t r a y a l , m i s t r u s t , v i o l a t i o n ; I s a l l I s e e ; I t ’ s a l l I c a n d o , t o b e s e t f r e e . D i s r e s p e c t e d , s u f fL o c o m p l e t e l y u n a s tc- a t e d , d e ri n m g , if on r -e d ; T r u s t i n g i n a u t h oe v re r i i tn t yi m a hc y ,a i ss w hc a at u s e d m e t o b e l e f t Ib a em hi n i s ne a dr c .h , N e w d e v e l o p m e n t s , n e w d i s c o v e r i e s ; W i l l H i d i n g i n t h e d a r k n e s i st ,e v e jr uw osr kt ? g i v i n g i t a l l M y h a e a w r t av ayl u; e s p u r e , c l e a n l o v e , N o t u n d e r s t a n d i n gN o to n he , en or ew h e ri e s, s e be mrs it ol lb ei aab onv ec. e a n d g l o r y j u s t a t b a y . D o t h e y f i n d mB ee t r a ay a tl , t mri sat rcu stt , i vvi oel a ?t i o nW l o o k m y ; I is la ll l I t s ehe ;e y I t ’ s a l l I wc aan y d ? o , t o b e s e t f r e e . S e a r c h i n g c oD i ns r fe s up e sc t ee d d, s, u f fdo cia ts e td , oc or m tp lee t de l ,y u en d ae r cm ihn e d a; n d e v e r y d a y . W h o wT ir uls tl i n gl ion va uet h o m a n d r i t e y h a ls ac avu si e s d h m e l tyo , b e cl e o f tm b ep h i ln de. t e l y w h o l e ? N o t p e r v e r s e l Hy i ,d i n ng ion tt h e cd oa r k- n de s es , pj u es t ng idv i en gn i tt al l yl ,a w a ny ; o t a c t i n g a l c ?e a n d g l o r y j u s t a t b a y . N o t u n d e r s t a n d i n tg o t h te r a e li s bf r iol l o i a n F i n d i n g s a f eD to yt h e ya f ni n dd m ema ti t n a n d r a ci t s i v t e ? e Wri l il n t hg e y l to ook m m y wya y ? e a c h S e a r c h i n g ceo nvf ues er d ,y d i snt oer tee dd, ,e a c h a n d e v e r y d a y . C l e a n , h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s . L o r d , I b e g ! L o r d , I W h o w i l l l o v e mpe l l aev ias hdl y !, c o m p l e t e l y a n d w h o l e ? N o t p e r v e r s e l y , n o t c o - d e p e n d e n t l y , n o t a c t i n g a t o t a l f o o l ? L e a r n i n g F i tn doi n g ts ar f eut ys atn d am ign ias tie rni n, g t ro um yn e na c hi na n gd e vte roy n te e hd , e l i g h t ; F e e l i n g s a f e C l eaa nn, dh e a lft hr y er eel a t iao ng s .a Li o nr d ,, I tb ehg ! i Lso r d i, sI p lm p l i g h t . e a dy ! G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , n o t r e a l i z i n g m y l i f e i s L e a r n i n g p t o r t ir ucs t e a lg aei ns, sr u, n n i n g t o t h e l i g h t ; D o i n g a l l I c aF n e g as acf eh a n dd far eye , a g at i no, t hki se i es pm y pml i gyh ts. e l f f r o m e e l i n G i v i n g i t a l l a wca yr, in os t i r s e a .l i z i n g m y l i f e i s p r i c e l e s s , D o i n g a l l I c a n e a c h d a y , t o k e e p m y s e l f f r o m c r i s i s . I ’ v e w i s e d u p n o w . N o l o n g e r t r y i n g t o p l a y i t o. oN ol .l o n g e r t r y i n g t o p l a y i t c o o l . I ’ v e w i s e d u p nco w G i v i n g i t a l lG i vai nwg ai t ya l, l a aw aly ,ma lom os s tt l e lf t e mfe tl o n m h a r d e l ye , h a lr do ann de c lr uy e ,l . R e a la i zn i n gd l i fce ri s u d e a r lk .s i d e d a s c a n b e , R e a l i z i nI ’ vge b le ei n f g ei v e ni tsh e dg i af t ro fk a bs r ii g dh t ee r dl i f ea; sL i b ce r aa t end , b e , I ’ v e b e e n g i v e ne x h itl ahr a et e d ,g c io mf ptl e t o l i f e ; e l yf s e a t f rb e e r i g h t e r L i b e r a t e d , e x h i l a r a t e d , c o m p l e t e l y s e t f r e e

Priceless

Priceless


Priceless Lasting, forever intimacy, is what I am in search, New developments, new discoveries; Will it ever work? My heart values pure, clean love, No one, no where, seems to be above. Betrayal, mistrust, violation; Is all I see; It’s all I can do, to be set free. Disrespected, suffocated, completely undermined; Trusting in authority has caused me to be left behind. Hiding in the darkness, just giving it all away; Not understanding there is brilliance and glory just at bay. Do they find me attractive? Will they look my way? Searching confused, distorted, each and every day. Who will love me lavishly, completely and whole? Not perversely, not co-dependently, not acting a total fool? Finding safety and ministering to my each and every need, Clean, healthy relations. Lord, I beg! Lord, I plead! Learning to trust again, running to the light; Feeling safe and free again, this is my plight. Giving it all away, not realizing my life is priceless, Doing all I can each day, to keep myself from crisis. I’ve wised up now. No longer trying to play it cool. Giving it all away, almost left me lonely, hard and cruel. Realizing life is dark sided as can be, I’ve been given the gift of a brighter life; Liberated, exhilarated, completely set free 17


a m s o h u n -I g r y ; cIa n n co t a e na t . n o t R u n n i n g t o e s c a p e t h e e a t . R u p na i nn, fir onm gm y th eoa d , et os mcy af epe t e. t h e p a i n , f r o m m y h e a d , I a m s o h u n g r y ; A c h i n g f o r w h a t I n e e d . t o m y f e e t . a m

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II


Hungry? I am so hungry; I cannot eat. Running to escape the pain,from my head, to my feet. I am so hungry; Aching for what I need. Feed me, comfort me, love me. Do not let me bleed. I am so hungry; Acting a total fool. Welcoming sweet pleasures. That‘s the “golden rule.” I am so hungry; Failing to see the bounty. Feelings up and down. Resentment and anger mounting. I am so hungry; Not sharing from inside. Empty, hollow blackness. Feels like I have died. I am so hungry; Do you have enough to spare? Hunting, looking, searching. Who will ever care? I am so hungry; Someone feed me please! Generously giving. Helping me with ease. I am so hungry; Thought you’d always be there. Leaving me through separation, abandonment, death, is it ever fair? I am so hungry; I think I might starve. Beast of a yearning. Hunger I carve.

19


Q u i e t, d a n g e r , t r u t h a n d p u r pose. Hushed, bullied; Is it worth it? R e s t o r e s a lvat i o n , f a i t h , p r o tection. Weak, absent & anemic, all m e n ta l d e c e p t i o n . Liberties, rights, independence. Turn the tide, just mend our fences. S ta n d - u p, wa k e - u p ; C o l d h e a r t s d i v i d e . A b s e n c e o f l e a d e r s h i p, during the time we bide. I n wa r d , u p wa r d , c o m f o r t, i n s i g h t. D o n ’ t b e i n t i m i d at e d t o p u t u p a f i g h t. No captives, no force; Is no d e f e n s e at a l l . A c c o u n ta b i l i t y, s t r e n g t h , p u r p o s e . I s i t your call?

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Deception Quiet, danger, truth and purpose. Hushed, bullied; Is it worth it? Restore salvation, faith, protection. Weak, absent & anemic, all mental deception. Liberties, rights, independence. Turn the tide, just mend our fences. Stand-up, wake-up; Cold hearts divide. Absence of leadership, during the time we bide. Inward, upward, comfort, insight. Don’t be intimidated to put up a fight. No captives, no force; Is no defense at all. Accountability, strength, purpose. Is it your call? Not defending and minding the gate? Divine purpose, find our fate. Shock, awe, intimidation; With no change, there’s elimination. Life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Dedicating our worth, Executing the madness. Freedom costs us; So real, so true. What are your treasures? What will you do?

21


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Bullied Are you ruled by fear? Do you know how to live? Taking, taking, taking. Past traumas we re-live. Inspire others to reach outside their fears. Doing what they can not alone to get through the years. Not being so afraid to live, this idea we forget. Life ending without peace, this is a true threat. Fearing hurt, disappointment, shame or loss. Take control, show them all who’s boss. Disturbed minds, aggressive actions, insecurities, there is ‘Danger’! May be people you know, may be a stranger. Some kinds of stress offers flavor, spice and challenge. An opportunity to motivate, we need to find balance. Strong-minded, clear headed; Present in soul and spirit. Living without regards to fear, adopting courage, I inherit.

23


FAITH blind


Blind Faith Putting faith in others was my first grave mistake. Believing, trusting, giving, looking for a break. Believing they could do what I know they are able. Leaving it up to them , left me confused and unstable. Why I placed my efforts in backing their potential? Seeing and grasping my own greatness, is 100% essential. Acquiring faith in self again, I will no longer subdue. Addressing my needs and wants, this life I will Construe. Just because people “don’t mean to hurt you,” doesn’t make it any less destructive. Making excuses, placing blame, makes life unproductive. I no longer have faith in the humans that exist. Watching them steal & rob me blind, has left me angered and pissed!

25


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e f mirror o r m iwill t inever e s , be the same, Looking inD sthe c a r s , s a g g i n g , “ b u bumpy, t w afrumpy; i t ,toIblame. Lumpy, want some one t h e r e ’ s m o r e , ” y , b u m p y ging, , f“but r u wait, m p ythere’s ;scars, I Deformities, sagmore,” “ A g “Aging i n g g r ato c e f ass; u l the “ graceful“ my Using potions settle score. m y a s s ; U s i n g p o i o s t s e too, t catch you my. friend, s o m t et l Life nn will oo s e o t e h e t c b o l r a e m . e Thethe mirror always shows truth in the end. i f e w what i l l I’m looking for, Inner “ Lbeauty, is c a t c h y o u t o o , m y f r can’t i e n through d , Sure as hell rely on this to get me the body, door. i t i e s , s c a r s , s a g g i n g , You never know how deformed your body can be, T h e m i r r o r a l w a y s s h o wtoo s t h be e Taken with grace, humbly; You can set free. t r u t h i n t h e e n d . w a I iknow t , h e r e is ’ deeper s m o than r e , my ” myt beauty skin, I n What’s n e r “ b us, e alies u - only most valuable about each one of within. t y , i s w h a t I ’ m o Warming o k i “beauty” n g f o r , I lhope my will truly inspire, hearts, stirring a fire.

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Skin Deep Looking in the mirror will never be the same, Lumpy, bumpy, frumpy; I want some one to blame. Deformities, scars, sagging, “but wait, there’s more,” “Aging graceful“ my ass; Using potions to settle the score. Life will catch you too, my friend, The mirror always shows the truth in the end. Inner “ beauty, is what I’m looking for, Sure as hell can’t rely on this body, to get me through the door. You never know how deformed your body can be, Taken with grace, humbly; You too can be set free. I know my beauty is deeper than my skin, What’s most valuable about each one of us, lies only within. I hope my “beauty” will truly inspire, Warming hearts, stirring a fire.

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27


T i r e d , w e a k a n d e x h a u s te d at t h e e n d o f e a c h d ay. Rushed. hurried, working, never seems enough time to p l ay.

T i r e d , w e a k a n d e x h a u s t e d at t h e e n d o f e a c h d ay. R u s h e d . h u r r i e d , w o r k i n g , n e v e r s e e m s e n o u g h

t i m e t o p l ay.

E x t r e m e d e m a n d s a n d p h y s i c a l p r e s s u r e s , l e av e s u s d o w n i n t h e d i r t .

N o t u n d e r s t a n d i n g p r i o r i t i e s , l e av e s m e e x h a u s t e d , f r u s t r at e d a n d h u r t .

Extreme demands and physi c a l p r e s s u r e s , l e av e s u s d o w n i n t h e d i rt. N o t u n d e r s ta n d i n g p r i o r i t i e s , l e av e s m e e x h a u s t e d , f r u s t r at e d a n d h u r t.

K n o w i n g “ e n o u g h ’ s e n o u g h , ” i s a va l u a b l e l e s s o n i n l i f e . G o i n g a b o u t i t a l l w r o n g t h o u g h , j u s t c u t s YOU l i k e a k n i f e .

B a l a n c e w h i l e p r o t e c t i n g y o u r t i r e d a c h i n g b o n e s . Q u i e t ly e x i t i n g t h e s i t u at i o n ,

careful not to throw stones.

Offering a reason is a personal choice if they ask.

Knowing “enough’s enough,” i s a va l u a b l e l e s s o n i n life. Going about it all wrong though, just cuts YOU l i k e a k n i f e . Ot h e r w i s e , e n j o y i n g a p e a c e f u l e x i s t e n c e i s m y l i f e ’ s o n l y t a s k .

Exhausted

Balance while protecting your tired aching bones. Q u i e t ly e x i t i n g t h e s i t u a -


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Exhausted Tired, weak and exhausted at the end of each day. Rushed. hurried, working, never seems enough time to play. Extreme demands and physical pressures, leaves us down in the dirt. Not understanding priorities, leaves me exhausted, frustrated and hurt. Knowing “enough’s enough,” is a valuable lesson in life. Going about it all wrong though, just cuts YOU like a knife. Balance while protecting your tired aching bones. Quietly exiting the situation, careful not to throw stones. Offering a reason is a personal choice if they ask. Otherwise, enjoying a peaceful existence is my life’s only task.

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29


urde

I am being murd e r e d , y e t, I a m still alive? H o w i s t hi s p o s s i b l e ? ? Thi s doesn’t even jive. I look the same, except I’m no l o n g e r r e a l ly me…… Wh o i s t o b l a m e for the changes I see? Wh a t ? Wh e r e ? S o m a n y, m a n y questions….. Never any answers, just numb sensations. Li f e ; D e a t h ; Murder…..It all changes who you are. M ay b e y o u ’ r e s e t f r e e ? M ay be, you are left scarred? “Be strong,” “ h av e f a i t h . ” “ B e h o n e s t, ” “ w o r k hard;” No compromise


Murder Me I am being murdered, yet, I am still alive? How is this possible? This doesn’t even jive. I look the same, except I’m no longer really me… Who is to blame for the changes I see? What? Where? So many, many questions… Never any answers, just numb sensations. Life; Death; Murder…..It all changes who you are. May be you’re set free? May be, you are left scarred? “Be strong,” “have faith.” “Be honest,” “work hard;” No compromise equals no holds bar. Words of wisdom, all met with good intensions. None comfort these maddening inventions. When death forces itself upon you, figuring out what to do. Is lonely, dark, scary and blue. It’s torturous pain, unbearably, insane! Are you living in fear or simply living in vein? “It’s okay to be scared,” “just be brave,” Re-invent a “new you.” Do you give in? Oh, what to do? What are you made of? How much pain will cause death? Will it cost you your life? What will be left? Will you give into the darkness? Or, will you go to the light? Do you have the strength to stay alive? Will you try and fight?

31


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……ria rof gnipsag ,sselefil dna ydoolB ?erac neve yeht od ,dnuora lla elpoeP .pleh rof gnidaelp ,gnimaercs ,gnilleY .pley a gnitpmettA .gnippils ytilaeR .egdel eht no gnireteet ,htaed ro efiL .egde eht morf raelc gnipeek ,gnithgfi ,gnihsuP .enigami ylbissop yam uoy naht resolc si tI ?gniggal uoy era ro ,deraperp uoy erA .rekam ruoy teem uoy yad eht eb yam yadoT ?rekaf a uoy era ro ,gnola yalp uoy lliW .ecsiophcirn uoYg.esfooohcruoYa i r … … Bloody and lifeless, ga P e o p l e a l l a r o u n .d ec,iovdlao nfi rutoh y semyoceeb v lliwe tnahWc a r e ? Y e l l i n g , s c r e a m i n g , p l e a d i n g f o r h e l p. . y a d o t r o , w o r r o m o t , y retsyeYe l p . R e a l i t y s l i p p i n g . A t t e m p t i n gada L i f e o r d e a t .h , t e e t e r i n g o n t h e ts ugoy, fikroe,oeg upoiy n fI .ygdaecr elb e,deararperpflerBeodmg et .h e P u s h i n g , f i g h t yian edge. I t i s c l o s e r t h a n y o u m ay p o s s i b ly i m a g ine. A r e y o u p r e pa r e d , o r a r e y o u l a g g i n g ? T o d ay m ay b e t h e d ay y o u m e e t y o u r m a k er. W i l l y o u p l ay a l o n g , o r a r e y o u a fa k e r ? You choose. Your choice. W h at w i l l b e c o m e s y o u r f i n a l v o i c e . Y e s t e r d ay, t o m o r r o w, o r t o d ay. B e p r e pa r e d , b e r e a d y. I f y o u g o , o r i f y o u s t ay.


Destiny Bloody and lifeless, gasping for air‌‌ People all around, do they even care? Yelling, screaming, pleading for help. Reality slipping. Attempting a yelp. Life or death, teetering on the ledge. Pushing, fighting, keeping clear from the edge. It is closer than you may possibly imagine. Are you prepared, or are you lagging? Today may be the day you meet your maker. Will you play along, or are you a faker? You choose. Your choice. What will becomes your final voice. Yesterday, tomorrow, or today. Be prepared, be ready. If you go, or if you stay.

33


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35


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37


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Voices

Noise and more noise inside my head. Thinking, thinking, thinking, wishing for dead. Insomnia, nightmares, extreme night terror Not able to hear silence, deafness I dare. When alone my thoughts become loud and annoy. Souls wandering, murmuring in the darkness, stealing all joy. Awaiting daybreak, seems time is crawling. Dark visions and voices, like I am falling, falling, falling. Fearful, terrified, looking for calmness with these thoughts. Somewhere between denial and trite advice, ever so caught. Tuning into the chaos my subconscious binds. Peace and serenity, please fill the mind! Taken by surprise, the demons we carry. Voices screaming and shouting, can we ever bury? Heavy, harsh chatter speaking to the soul. Changing the tune of the noise, this is the goal. Turning off evil, shutting down hatred to a whisper. My noise, my voice, needs to be crisper. Ignoring tragedy and violence, wherever created. Voices stealing joy, must be eliminated. Claiming the peace the soul desperately desires. Stomping on woes, putting out fires. Knowing you deserve a quiet existence. The mind storming with interrupted resistance. Opening the gateway of past and present. The legacy of traditions, building resentment. Hesitating to accept resonating disruption. Justifying lies, normalizing corruption. Are we trapped, do we choose havoc in our head? Meditate, relax, visualize. This is what is said. Easier said than done, unless you train. 39


Lasting, forever intimacy, is is what Isearch, am in Lasting, forever intimacy, what I am in ever search, New new discoveries; Will it New developments, developments, new discoveries; work? Will itpure, ever work? My heart values clean love, My heart values pure, clean love, no where, seems to be above. No one,Nonoone, where, seems to be above. Betrayal, mistrust, violation; IsIsall Ifree. see; Betrayal, mistrust, violation; all I It’s all I can do, to be set see; It’s all suffocated, Isuffocated, can do, completely to be set mined; free. Disrespected, underDisrespected, completely undermined; Trusting authority has caused me tobehind. beme left Trustingin in authority has caused to be left behind. Hiding in the just givinggiving it and all away; Hiding in thedarkness, darkness, just it Not understanding there is brilliance gloall away; ry just at bay. Not understanding there isjust brilliance and glory at bay. Do they find me attractive? Will they look my Do they find me attractive? Will they way? look Searching confused, distorted, eachmy andway? every Searching confused, distorted, each day. and every day. lavishly, completely and WhoWho willwill lovelove memelavishly, completely whole? and whole? NotNot perversely, not co-dependently, notfool? acting perversely, not co-dependently, a total fool? not acting a total Findingsafety safety ministering to my Finding and and ministering to my each and each and every need, every need, Clean, relations. Lord, I Lord, beg! Clean,healthy healthy relations. Lord, I beg! Lord, I plead! plead!I Learningtoto trust again, running to Learning trust again, running to the light; the light; Feeling safeitand and free thisthis is my Feeling safe freeagain, again, isplight. myis Giving all away, not realizing my life plight. priceless, Giving it alleach away, not realizing my life is priceless, Doing all I can day, to keep myself from Doing all I can eachself day,from to keep mycrisis. crisis. I’vewised wised up up now. trying to play it I’ve now.No Nolonger longer trying to cool. it cool. Giving all away, away, almost leftplay me lonely, hard Giving it itall almost left me loneand cruel. ly, hard and cruel. Realizing life is dark sided as canbe, be, Realizing life is the dark sided as can I’ve been given the gift of a brighter life; I’veLiberated, been given gift of a brighter exhilarated, completely setlife; free. retirw a ro teop a flesym redisnoc ton od I dna flesym gnisserpxe yojne tsuj I .yas rep -ne ot dah I emit eht gnisu flesym dnuof ym ni detaerc gnieb sthguoht eht niatret egnahc efil suoires a decneirepxe I .niarb emit lluf ym evael ot dah I nehw 6002 ni ,esruN deretsigeR sa sraey 01 fo reerac I .noitidnoc traeh gninetaerht efil a ot eud -yna sa segnahc fo temag a hguorht tnew L a s t i n g , f o r e v e r i n t i m a c y , i s n w h a t I a m i n s e a r c h , i dna ,secnatsmucric eseht ni seod eno N e w d e v e l o p m e n t s , nedeisw d i s c o v e r i e s ; W i l l i t e v enireht morf gnirevocer saw I sa dne eht w o r k ? M y h e a r t v a l u e s p u r e , c Il .sedraown fo noitcelloc eseht detaerc I tuo l o v e , N o o n e , n o w h e r e , s e e m s et hot fo bgneilaeh evah ot desselb neeb evah a b o v e . B e t r a y a l , m i s t r u s t , v i o l a t i o n ; foInos itisanalrtl ehtIni luos eht osla dna ydob s e e ; I t ’ s a l l I c a n d o , t o b e s e tdedfiorvaeI e.ne. ht ecnis secneirepxe efil eht D i s r e s p e c t e d , s u f f o c a t e d , c o m p l e t e l y u n d e r m i n e d ; revewoh ,tnalpsnart traeh a rof deen eht Tr u s t i n g i n a u t h o r i t y h a s c a u s e d m e t o b e l e f t b e h i n d . eht ni reverof luos ym demrofsnart evah I H i d i n g i n t h e d a r k n e s s , j u s t g-zai mva iybndgednui otrrusanel elb evah I .ssecorp a w a y ; N o t u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e r e i s b r i l l i a n c e a n d g l o r y j u s t a t b a y . syaw ni em deripsni evah taht elpoep gni D o t h e y f i n d m e a t t r a c t i v e ? W i l l t h e y l o o k m y w a y ? yreve dna hcae evol I .dezilaer reven yeht S e a r c h i n g c o n f u s e d , d i s t o r t e d , e a c h a n d e v e r y d a y . dna gnilaeh ym ni ecnatsissa eht rof eno W h o w i l l l o v e m e l a v i s h l y , c o m p l e t e l y a n d .efil fo yenruoj siht no htworg lanosrep w h o l e ? N o t p e r v e r s e l y , n o t c o - d e p e n d e n t l y , n o t a c t i n g a t o t a l f o o l ? ,sdneirf ym ,nerdlihc ym ot sknaht ynaM F i n d i n g s a f e t y a n d m i n i s t e r i n g t o m y e a c h a n d e v e r y n e e d , C l e a n , h e a l t h y r e l a t i o n s . L o r d t,aht Isecnatniauqca wen eht dna ,ylimaf ym b e g ! L o r d , I p l e a d ! evirts ot em hsup ot efil ym otni emoc evah L e a r n i n g t o t r u s t a g a i n , r u n .yad yreve ssentaerg rof n i n g t o t h e l i g h t ;

F e e l i n g s a f e a n d f r e e a g a i n , t h i s i s m y p l i g h t . G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , n o t r e a l i z i n g m y l i f e i s p r i c e l e s s , D o i n g a l l I c a n e a c h d a y , t o k e e p m y s e l f f r o m c r i s i s . I ’ v e w i s e d u p n o w . N o l o n g e r t r y i n g t o p l a y i t c o o l . G i v i n g i t a l l a w a y , a l m o s t l e f t m e l o n e l y , h a r d a n d c r u e l . R e a l i z i n g l i f e i s d a r k

:tcatnoc moc.oohay@allebalaFiroL

collection of words


I do not consider myself a poet or a writer per say. I just enjoy expressing myself and found myself using the time I had to entertain the thoughts being created in my brain. I experienced a serious life change in 2006 when I had to leave my full time career of 10 years as Registered Nurse, due to a life threatening heart condition. I went through a gamet of changes as anyone does in these circumstances, and in the end as I was recovering from the inside out I created these collection of words. I have been blessed to have healing of the body and also the soul in the transition of the life experiences since then. I avoided the need for a heart transplant, however I have transformed my soul forever in the process. I have been surrounded by amazing people that have inspired me in ways they never realized. I love each and every one for the assistance in my healing and personal growth on this journey of life. Many thanks to my children, my friends, my family, and the new aquaintances that have come into my life to push me to strive for greatness every day.

contact: LoriFalabella@yahoo.com

concept + design: Š 2010 by Harald-M. Lehnardt, dolceVita: Fine Arts & Communication www.dolcevita.net 808.779.8289 41


collection of words: 1995 - 2010

concept + design: www.dolceVita.net

Lori Falabella .voices


Voices