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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 1

ISSUE 3.12 | DECEMBER 2012 | FREE

Inside: Not with a bang but a whimper Pages 4 & 5 Poetry by Troy Forcier Page 8 A closer look at meat Pages 16

the End of the World issue


PAGE 2 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

This is the way the world ends

On the Cover: We’ve known for months (years?) that our December 2012 issue would be dedicated to the end-of-the-world — I mean, how can you not jump on that bandwagon? For the record, no, we here at The Stew Magazine don’t actually think that the world is going to end on the 21st, just like the world hasn’t ended during any of the other end-times prophecies we’ve survived through (see pages 4 and 5 for more on that). But if the world did end, some kind of massive spectacle like portrayed on the cover sure would be exciting, huh?

There have been many inspirations for apocalyptic prophecy in the past, but the current round of end-of-the-world terrors have come courtesy of what most media outlets refer to as the Mayan calendar — specifically, that the Mayan calendar is coming to an end. Many people (us included) say that to interpret the end of this calendar as a sign of the end of the world is more than a little bit loopy, but that hasn’t stopped a good many people from running around, inspiring considerable fear over this world-ending deadline on or around December 21, 2012. But even amongst those who think the world is only weeks away from ending, there seems to be some confusion about what form the end will take. Here are some possibilities:

THE END?  There are plenty of theories about how the world might end on December 21, 2012. Some of those theories even involve John Cusack.

1. Planet X / Nibiru: There is a planet on a doomsday course with Earth, and no one knows about it (or someone does, but they’re not telling anyone, because you’re likely screwed either way). According to some, this approaching planet will collide with ours, causing widespread destruction, and destroying our world. According to others, a near miss will cause our planet’s rotation to temporary cease, causing... well, we’re not even really sure what. Apocalyptic Trivia: This premise is essentially the plot of Lars von Trier’s Meloncholia (a film we recommend!)

and vice versa. While this isn’t an entirely crazy idea — pole reversal is something that has apparently happened in the past — but there isn’t really any reason to think it will happen at the end of the month. Also, most evidence indicates that when the change has happened in the past, it has taken hundreds or even thousands of years to switch, not overnight, which is what the end-of-the-world-ers are predicting. Apocalyptic Trivia: In the last 10 million years, there have been about four or five pole reversals every million years. So it’s a pretty rare occurrence.

2. Reversal of the Poles: North is north and south is south, at least until it isn’t anymore. Some people think the apocolypse of 2012 will result in a reversal of our planet’s poles, leaving north in the south

3. The Aliens Return: Not only are we not alone in the universe, not only have we been regularly visited by creatures from other worlds, but they helped us build the pyramids and craft the Mayan calendar. And

now they’re coming back! We’re not sure why we’re necessarily jumping to the conclusion that their return is going to mark the end of the world, but it’s probably better to err on the side of caution. Apocalyptic Trivia: The television show The X-Files predicted an alien invasion arriving on December 21, 2012 — maybe this is the source of the alien return theory. 4. Astrological Alignment: Though scientists mostly call it a bunch of hooey (though they generally choose different words), there are some who think an alignment of planets and other heavenly bodies will result in a collapse of solar system, or...something. Experts are quick to point out that planetary alignments happen all the damn time and have never resulted in anything even remotely dramatic or

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apocalyptic. Apocalyptic Trivia: The planetary alignment images in Stanely Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey are awfully pretty, though. Of course, maybe nothing will happen at all, and all of this fear-mongering will have been for nothing (hello, shades of Y2K!). So what to do then? Well, assuming you’re not celebrating at your own end-of-the-world party, you could always kick back with an end-ofthe-world film festival, including flicks such as the eerily appropriate 2012, the climately appropriate The Day After Tomorrow, the appropriately Canadian Last Night, and even the above-mentioned Melancholia. However you choose to spend your December 21, 2012, we hope you enjoy it. We’ll see you on December 22. Unless we don’t.


December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 3

Nutrition Facts Serving Size: 20 pgs Servings Per Container 1 Amount Per Serving

Calories 0 % Daily Value* Apocalypses We’re not convinced the world is going to end on December 21, but we’re throwing a party anyway.

Not with a bang, but a whimper

Clear Roads The season has been pretty free of snow lately (and pretty mild to boot). We’re still sporting all-season tire on the Stew Mobile HQ van. Ingredients (or things that helped us get through the last month): Mild weather and a lack of snow; Being able to still make it down Dog Creek Road; Finding generic NeoCitran for the winter colds and flu season; Seeing Christmas lights popping up on houses around the neighbourhood; Getting the Christmas tree set up in the living room (even though we still need to get the damn ornaments on it); Eagerly anticipating the new batch of beer and the chocolate orange port (just in time for the holidays!); Planning baby’s second Christmas; Getting baby her own mini Christmas tree for her room; Watching the baby stare at the Christmas tree like it’s the coolest thing in the world; Actually finding sentimental and suitable Christmas presents before the third week of December; Reading One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish approximately 150 times; Watching the baby reject all the books that aren’t One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; Sleeping in a cold bedroom under two layers of blankets; Getting through final exams; Pots and pots of coffee; Fuzzy slippers.

Pages 4 & 5

Poetry by Troy Forcier

Towards a new beginning

Page 8

Page 13

Holiday music picks Page 16

A deeper look at meat

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PAGE 4 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

Please note that these are only a fraction of the end-of-the-world scenarios that were predicted and failed to pass.

NOT WITH A BANG,

WHIMPER

BUT A

BY TODD SULLIVAN THE STEW MAGAZINE

One of the things I find most strange about the apocalypse is just how popular an idea it is. I don’t mean popular in the sense that people are hoping it will occur (though I’m sure there are a few end-of-the-world proclaimers who’d be more than happy to shout, “Told you so!” as the end of days overcomes us). I mean popular in the sense that people sure can’t stop talking about it, predicting it, preparing for it, and just generally wondering why it hasn’t happened yet. How long have we been waiting for the world to end? Well, it’s hard to say for sure, but I’d be willing to wager it started as soon as someone was able to say, “What happens if the sun doesn’t come up tomorrow?” (or whatever the prehistoric clicksand-whistles language equivalent would be). And yet, even though these predictions have come and gone again, with no end of the world yet in sight, it doesn’t seem to have stemmed the tide of prognosticators, eager to point their finger at an hour glass and shout, “The end is nigh!”

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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 5

The Hollow Men is T. S. Elliot’s most quoted poem. And it’s all pretty much all for that whole bang / whimper thing.

Where we came from It’s hard to say for sure when the world’s end was first predicted, but one of the earliest known examples dates back to 634 BC. It was believed by the Romans that Romulus — an important figure in their mythology — had heard from 12 eagles a prediction of Rome’s longevity. Some interpreted each eagle to represent ten years, leading to the belief that Rome would fall after 120 years. When this prediction failed to come true, it didn’t stop apocalypse fanatics from picking yet another date (something the Romans have in common with many modern predictors), one built around the belief that the number Romulus was told of matched the number of days in a year. This left Romans believing that the world would end in the year 389 BC (or 365 AUC, or Ab Urbe Condita, or “From the founding of the city of Rome.”) Of course the world just kept right on ticking anyway. After Christ The historical figure of Jesus Christ and the spread of Christianity as a religion have both been the basis for a vast number of end of the world prophecies over the last 2000. Early Christians — including, according to some experts, Paul the Apostle — reportedly believed that Christ would return within only one generation of his death, presumably bringing with him the end times. In the year 500, Hippolytus of Rome, Sextus Julius Africanus, and Irenaeus all predicted Christ’s return, proving that even when great minds think alike, they can still think wrong. In 992, Good Friday coincided with the Feast of the An-

nunciation, which had long been believed to be the event that would bring forth the Antichrist, within three years. And because the end of the world loves nothing more than a nice, round number, many others (presumably some who were disappointed by the antichrist’s stubborn refusal to appear) including Pope Sylvester II, pointed to the year 1000 as the date of the world’s end. It’s Not All About The Bible Of course, there have been plenty of reasons to expect the world’s imminent end that don’t have anything to do with religion at all. From 1346 to 1351 the spread of the black plague left many convinced that the world was about to end (likely with good reason). And in 1524, calculations made by astrologers led to the belief that world would soon end by a flood that began in London. When that flood failed to materialize, the revised their prediction to point to the year 1624, with about the same degree of accuracy. Mathematician Michael Stifel calculated that judgement day would begin at 8am on October 19, 1533, because of course you can’t sleep in when the world is ending. Physician Helisaeus Roeslin predicted that the world would end in 1654 based on a nova that he observed in 1572. Yet another mathematician — John Napier — pointed his finger at the year 1688 based on calculations he had made from the book of Revelation. Napier would later revise his prediction to point at the year 1700. Clearly even men of science can fall prey to apocalyptic thinking.

The Modern Era One would think that as we move closer to the present day, the number of ridiculous claims that the world was on the brink of disaster would diminish as we gained more and more understanding of the world we live on, and the massive universe we’re a part of. That hasn’t entirely been the case, though. Camille Flammarion predicted that the 1910 appearance of Halley’s comet might very well spell the end of all life on Earth (though she believed the planet would remain). Seventh-day Adventist Margaret Rowen believed that the angel Gabriel had come to her and told her that the world would end at midnight on February 13, 1925. Evangelist Wilbur Glenn Voliva said that “the world is going to go ‘puff ’ in September of 1935. Not content to only be wrong a once or twice, the Bible Student Movement predicted the apocalypse in 1874, 1878, 1881, 1908, 1914, 1916, 1918, 1920, and 1925. Members of this group then branched off to become Jehovah’s Witnesses, and predicted the world’s end for 1941 and 1975. Because you just never know. The Names you Know and Love Of course there are some names associated with end of the world ravings that just about everyone recognizes. Jim Jones of the Peoples Temple (and the mass suicide in Jonestown) predicted that the world would end in 1967. Charles Manson believed that a massive race war would lead to the world’s end, and may have in fact ordered the Tate-LaBianca murders in an attempt to start that very war. Of course not all the prog-

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nosticators are as recognizably insane as others. Hal Lindsay made a career out of predicting the end-times in the 1980s with such best-sellers as The Late Great Planet Earth and The 1980s: Countdown to Armageddon. In 1976 Pat Robertson predicted that the world would end in 1982. Even Nostradamus, who many consider the psychic of all psychics, failed to predict the world’s end. According to some, he set the date at 1999. Oops! Welcome to a new Millennium Most of you will probably remember the name Harold Camping for his failed prediction of the rapture last year, but you might not know this was not his first failure. Camping initially predicted the rapture for September 6, 1994, and then September 29, and then October 2. He would point his finger one more time — at March 31, 1995 — before sitting back and waiting until after the turn of the millenium. And it’s worth pointing out that the turn of the millennium was, itself, the recipient of a large number of end-of-the-world predictions. Many figured the dreaded Y2K computer bug would bring the world to its knees while others were putting their money behind Christ’s return after 2000 years. Neither side proved to be right in that debate, and the world kept right on spinning. Between the years 2000 and 2012 the predictions have gotten a bit more sparse, probably because few people have wanted to go up against either of those two heavy hitters, though there have been a few smatterings that have come and gone (in a 1990 book, Pat Robertson predicted

the world would end on April 29, 2007). So Now What “This is the way the world ends,” wrote T. S. Elliot in The Hollow Men, “Not with a bang but a whimper.” And after more than 2000 years of whimpers, one can’t help but wonder if there will ever be any bang to be had. Well, never fear, assuming that December 21 comes and goes without the predicted apocalypse, there are still more apocalypses to come. F. Kenton Beshore has modified Hal Lindsey’s predictions to conclude that the world will end between 2018 and 2028. Psychic Jean Dixon has predicted that Armageddon would take place in 2020 and that Jesus would return sometime between 2020 and 2037. According to Rashad Khalifa’s research on the Quran Code, the world will end in 2280. Psychics have little to say about years much further ahead than that, after all what’s the fun of predicting an apocalypse you won’t be around to see? Scientists, on the other hand, do have some predictions they’d like to share. In approximately 500 million years the levels of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere will drop, making the earth essentially uninhabitable. In 5 billion years the sun will swell to a red giant, likely swallowing the earth. And if those aren’t enough of an apocalypse to you, consider the eventual heat death of the universe, in which the universe has diminished to a state of no thermodynamic free energy and therefore can no longer sustain motion or life. Now that’s how you do an apocalypse. todd@thestew.ca

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PAGE 6 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

Why is the end of everything so darn popular? BY TODD SULLIVAN THE STEW MAGAZINE

One of the things that I find surprising about the end of the world is just how popular an idea it is. I don’t mean that in the sense that people are excited at the prospect, and eager for the end to come — though, to be sure, there are certainly those types out there, those who’d love to be able to point at the end of all things and say, “Ha, told you so!” What I mean is that, for such a dreadful prospect, the concept of the end of the world just seems to keep cropping up again and again and again. No one actually wants

it happen, but everyone seems to think that we’re always right on the verge of it happening. I think that’s kind of weird. I have a few theories about why this might be, and I don’t really mean theory in the traditional scientific sense here. These are just some ideas I have, some observations I’ve made, some reflections on the human condition. That kind of thing. The first one is this: Everyone seems to think that things are always getting worse. If you compare the world as it is right now to the world when you were younger, most people naturally think that things were better in the distant past. Crime rates have

gone up, wages have gone down, you can’t afford decent housing anymore, and let’s not even get started talking about the state of the music industry. When you look around yourself and it feels like the very foundation of the world that we live in is crumbling around you, it’s probably not hard to imagine that the end of all things is just around the corner. And, seriously, the rise of Justin Bieber can’t possibly be the sign of anything good to come. The other reason I think that the apocalypse is so popular is this: Everyone likes to think they’re the center of attention.

Now I don’t just mean this in the sense that they think the world revolves around them, and that the end of the world is occurring just as a celestial inconvenience to them — that would be silly. But everyone likes to think that there is something unique and special about their lives and about the time that they’re alive. Everyone likes to think that they’re witness to something that no one else has ever seen, something magical, or even something terrifying. Being the last generation alive before the world ends would suck in so many ways. But it would certainly give your last remaining moments some kind of major cosmic

wow!-factor, no to mention leaving you with something cool to talk about in the next world (if there is one). Hopefully none of this will matter, and the world end that has been predicted (mostly by the crazies) to fall on December 21 of this year will turn out, like all the rest, to be a dud, and we can move on with our lives, joyful in the knowledge that we’d dodged a bullet, and perhaps able to find a renewed sense of purpose from this gift of life. Well, at least until the next kooky end-of-the-world prophecy doomsayer comes along. todd@thestew.ca

SPEAK

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The end of your world may be closer than you know BY JULI HARLAND THE STEW MAGAZINE

Between the end of the world talk and working at the Senior’s Village with some end-of-life clients, I have been spending some time thinking about what I would do if I knew that life, as I knew it, would soon be over. It’s a hard question to answer. I have a wonderful family: three children who make me more proud than I could possibly imagine (even when they get into trouble, make mistakes, and act like primates); a partner who is more patient with me than I could ever expect another human to be (making babies, starting publications, and going back to school at 40 anyone?); fantastic in-laws who love me; I have the honor of being able to work at what I love and go to school for what I am pas-

sionate about at the same time; I have the best friends in the world; I am relatively healthy, have all my cognitive resources (though my hubby questions that at times), and generally have a pretty good love of life and living it to the fullest. So what if I knew that was all going to just disappear? Evaporate into the ether? Or worse yet, deteriorate while I knew I was going to slowly lose the ability to appreciate, or even recognize my blessings at all... I think I would be better able to handle the idea that a gigantic meteor was going to obliterate the planet than I would the thought that I was going to slowly deteriorate until I was too unwell to care for myself and then lose my cognitive abilities. That thought scares me to death. And though that would mean that the world would survive, along with everything in it, for

me it would be slowly dying. So back to the question of what would I do? I think I would grieve, first off. For the life that I would be missing, as well as for the life that I hadn’t lived when I had the chance. And then I would rely on the love of my family and friends as long as they would have me, or I was able. I would create memory books. I would print those kajillions of photos that are stored up in my computer that should really be scrapbooked. I would write songs. I would take up yoga for real this time. I would walk more. I would stop arguing with my partner. I would judge less and love more. I would enjoy the little things. I would eat really good pastries. I would hug harder, read out loud, and tell those I love that I love them all the time. I would write love letters. I would not sweat the small things. And as I sit back and write

this I am reminded that the end of the world could come any minute for any one of us. So why am I not doing those things now? Am I that certain that the world is not going to end soon? Do I know for a solid fact that I have another 40 years to do all the things I want to do? The truth is that I am not, and I don’t. And therefore there is no good reason that I should not be living life like it is about to end. Because it could. Any minute. There are no guarantees. I have a dear friend, (Doug, you know I love you), who at close to 50, packed up everything and began a life dedicated to love and music and sharing them both with everyone he meets. Is he rich? Not in the least. Does he have a fancy home and a flashy car? Hardly. But what he is is loved beyond belief, and happy as the day is long. And if his world came to an end

(God forbid) the world would be poorer for him not being a part of it any longer, yet at the same time so much richer because he was in it and he lived his life well. He didn’t wait until he was given a deadline. He started now. And so, because of people like my friend Doug, and because of the fear of not living while I have the chance, I strive to make this world a better place by living while I am able, to make a mark on the people around me while I have the ability, to create and savour my memories while I still have a hold of them, and to focus more on how I will live my life while I have it rather than what to do when my world is coming to an end. Because if I do it right, when the end comes, I will be able to say: “I’ve lived as much as a woman could. Do what you will world, I am ready.” juli@thestew.ca


December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 7

Question of the Month

Of zombies and dancing horseys Several years ago, Hollywood released a crazy little movie called The Night of the Comet. The storyline was simple: A comet passes by Earth a little too closely, sprinkling comet dust down upon the unsuspecting citizens of earth. The result? All those exposed turn into zombies. The survivors must do what is necessary to keep from getting their brains eaten by the trudging masses of walking dead. In my mind, this is exactly how the world will end. It’s a cool way to go. So, when the end comes, I imagine I’ll be sitting nice and comfy in the chair I use when I’m on air at a local English radio station here in Seoul. About a year ago, I began hosting a weekly movie review segment. I positively love it! I cannot imagine doing anything else as fun as speaking to over a hundred thousand listeners, forcing them to listen to my stumbling speech and crazed on-air tomfoolery. Which is why, when the world ends, I know exactly where I want to be. Zombies will burst into the studio as I banter on, as the remnants of living listeners listen on. Of course, them hearing my screams might not be too comforting. But, as I said, it’s

One Seoul Searching By Michael Jones a cool way to go. That is, unless, Nostradamus’s predictions come true. Have you heard of or seen the latest meme floating around the internet? If not, check your Facebook feed. You’re bound to see it soon. It’s a photo collage. The primary photo is a painting of Nostradamus, the famed prognosticator of prognosticators. Included in this painting, is a quote of his that states: “From the calm morning, the end will come; when, of the dancing horse, the number of circles will be 9.” The collage also includes a photo of the Korean flag, over which is written the statement, “Korea = the land of morning calm or ‘calm morning’”. Next to the flag is a photo of dance and YouTube sensation, PSY, doing his famous ‘Gangnam Style’ horsey dance. Below his dancing feet is a reference to

PSY’s YouTube views, which are likely to hit one billion views (9 zeros or ‘circles’) by December 21st of this year-the supposed Mayan date for the end of the year. Since PSY is Korean, his YouTube views are about to hit one billion, we can clearly draw the conclusion that the end will not come via the hands and teeth of zombies. Instead, the end will be by stomping from the horseydancing feet of Korean PSY and his one billion followers. If this is in fact the case, then I’m honestly frightened. You see, I have no roadmap for figuring this troublesome possibility out. There are a zillion films and stories that show me how to die with dignity during a zombie apocalypse. But how in the heck is a person supposed to go gently into that good night while some crazy donkey stomper is pouncing about all over the world?

Not a good way to go. The truth is, I’ve no idea how the world is going to end. I’ve no idea what I’ll be doing when death decides to trudge (or horsey-dance) it’s way around. Although I sometimes wish I had control over things like that, I’m actually glad I don’t. Being powerless over stuff like that means for me a bit for freedom to sit back and enjoy the gifts that today brings. These days life allows me the freedom to be doing what I love. I’m a lucky man, and for me it’s a good way to live. The truth is, all of us are really only guaranteed this pure present moment. So, along with asking ourselves what we’ll be doing when the world ends, I hope we spend time asking ourselves what we’re doing right now, and if it’s where we want to be. To me, it’s a much more fun way to live, and provides us with many more interesting experiences than scratching our heads and wringing our hands in angst over what might or might not happen tomorrow. Anyhow, that’s enough babbling from me. I wish each and all of you a very merry Christmas--slash-Kwanzaa--slash--Holidays, and a super great New Year! Peace and love be to you all. sevenethics@thestew.ca

INE Z A MAG

It’s the end of the world as we know it. Do you feel fine? Send your answers to letters@thestew.ca

Todd Sullivan todd@thestew.ca publisher / editor-in-chief

“Yeah, I do feel pretty good, actually. And I’ll probably feel pretty good even if the world does end, because we’ve got a party planned that night, so we’ll be surrounded by friends and family. Looking forward to it!”

Juli Harland juli@thestew.ca sales manager / executive editor “I feel fan-FREAKING-tastic. Tired... but fantastic.”

Angela Shephard angela@thestew.ca fine frugality (crafters beat)

Jamie Horsley tonesoup@thestew.ca tone soup (music beat)

Carol Davidson stir@thestew.ca stir (health beat)

Torrey Owen torrey@thestew.ca In My Shoes (city beat)

Natasha Peeman hairdooz@telus.net beautydooz (health & beauty beat)

Terri Smith roads.end.csa@gmail.com Eating Local (food beat)

MEME OF THE MONTH MEME [meem] noun An element of a culture or system of behaviour passed from one individual to another by imitation or other non-genetic means an image, video, etc. that is passed electronically from one Internet user to another

Grumpy Cat Originated at: Reddit As of press time, the vote for the Favourite Meme of 2012 was still running over at knowyourmeme.com (the best source for all your meme needs!), but Grumpy Cat definitely had the lead. Well, actually, Other had the lead, but that’s rather a hard one to write about. You’ve probably seen Grumpy Cat before if you ever visit Facebook, a site seemingly dedicated to the distribution of funny cat pictures. But if you haven’t, here’s a basic rundown. Grumpy cat is a cat that looks grumpy, and his picture is usually accompanied by text that also implies his grumpiness. The original post to Reddit received more than one million views in the first 48 hours. Because, you know, funny cat picture.

“I do feel fine! This is why I'm living in the Cariboo and growing food. Life is good and it needs to change. Did you know ‘apocalypse’ just means ‘change’? Big change!”

Michael Jones jjonesmii@yahoo.com One Seoul Searching (overseas beat)

Laura Kelsey laura@wordsmore.com Poetry Editor “Bring it!”

THE STEW Magazine is an independently owned and operated monthly arts and lifestyle magazine published in the Cariboo Chilcotin. All information contained in this magazine is correct, to our best knowledge, as of press time. Opinions expressed by correspondents and contributors are not necessarily those of THE STEW or its employees. We reserve the right to edit letters to the editor for grammar, punctuation, content, or length. All letters must be signed by the author. THE STEW Magazine accepts no responsibility for correctness beyond the amount paid for that portion of advertising space occupied by the incorrect item. We reserve the right to refuse any advertising or editorials submission which we believe to be inconsistent with the philosophy of this publication. The contents of this publication are copyright The Stew Magazine 2012.


PAGE 8 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

Gentle BY TROY FORCIER Gentle Feel the sunlight roll across your skin, the bounty of the day, the pines above you whisper songs, that the wind is out to play, gaze over your streams and fields, how can anyone own, a piece of you this is no man’s land, cultivated on loan. The eagles cry, the geese will fly back, when the days come warm and gentle, let it soothe you now as winter’s growl digs in, seize the moment, gentle. Your face gets covered reflecting light, the waters turn to stone, softly transformed moonbathes white, as Ular takes the throne, a snowflake falls its reluctant journey, to join you winter’s blanket, the frost is come its day is won and we will rise to thank it. The eagles cry the geese will fly back, when the days come warm and gentle, and the sweat across my brow reminds me how I love this land so gentle.

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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 9 TODD SULLIVAN PHOTO

A VISIT FROM SANTA  December isn’t just the month that the world is supposed to end. It’s also the month when Christmas happens! And Santa was on hand for the WLCBIA’s Winter Light-Up event in Williams Lake.

Play Your guide to where to go and what to do for the month of December


PAGE 10 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

Operation Red Nose is not only a great charity fundraiser, but a good way to get home after partying it up on December 21 after the world doesn’t actually end and you need to drag your drunk ass home.

December 1-31, Williams Lake: If you have been drinking this holiday season and don’t feel fit to drive you can call Operation Red Nose at 250-392-2222. Available each Friday and Saturday night from November 30 – December 31.This is a campaign to reduce drinking and driving and it also raises funds that go towards programs that support youth organizations and amateur sports in Williams Lake. This year the Williams Lake Gymnastics, Williams Lake Skating Club and Blue Fins will be the recipients of fundraising efforts this year. You can also volunteer or get

more information by contacting Dave Dickson at 250-392-8701 or david. dickson@rcmp-grc.gc.ca December 1 - 22, Parkside Art Gallery, 100 Mile House: The Parkside Christmas Bazaar is on. Parkside Gallery is full to the rafters with works from many of the Cariboo’s most innovative artisans, craftspeople, and designers. Our home grown talent brings together the best of the best, for a fun shopping experience. Drop by to see what is new. (No HST, PST, GST, or DDT.) December 1 - 24, Station House Gallery: The

For all the ladies on your list naughty or nice

Lavender Lingerie

250.398.8268 | 275 Oliver St, Williams Lake, BC

Station House Gallery presents their annual Christmas Market. Come and browse the beautiful items built from the Cariboo’s finest artisans. Shop local this holiday and support local arts! Open seven days a week until Christmas. December 11, 5:308:30pm, Horsefly School, Horsefly: It’s the annual Fun(d)rai$er for the Horsefly Christmas Hamper! Potluck, movie (Arthur’s Christmas), snacks & Tea! Come on down, bring an appy or treats! Just in time for the Holidays! Bring quality, gently used clothes/footwear/small treasures and such to swap. It’s a chance to give, and to receive. It is time to go through your family’s closets and drawers and gather up those gently used items that have not received attention for a while. We all have a pile; things that we keep holding on to for no reason...Clothes, Shoes, Bags, Hats, Scarves, Special attire, Boots, Skates, Ski’s, Whatever! We can pass along our old items and take home some new goodies! Donations for the Christmas Hamper Program will be gratefully received and forwarded. Any items leftover will be donated to a worthy organization. Lay out your offerings after 5:30 - swapping and movie

starts at 6:00. If you have any questions please call Chanti @ 620-3592 December 12, 6:309:00pm, Hobbit House, Williams Lake: Mountain Mystics in association with the Hobbit House invite you to an inspiring evening of insight and sharing as we discuss the important astrological alignments at this important juncture in time. What is going on? What to expect this Winter? Set intention for empowerment and creativity in a sacred circle. Look at strategies for sustainability and abundance. Learn to create the future that you deserve. $20 per person at the door.

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Mon-Fri 7:30-4:00 Sat 9:00-4:00

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December 13/14, 7:00pm, Maranatha School, Williams Lake: The Maranatha Players present the musical Peter Panic! Children under 12 and seniors $8.00 Adults $12.00. Tickets available at Wise Owl Toys December 13/14/15, 6:30-9:00pm, Correlieu Secondary School, Quesnel: Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol”. Doors open at 6:30 pm. Tickets: $7 adults/$5 students and seniors; available at Correlieu Secondary School

office or at the door. December 15, 11:00am - 4:15pm, Quesnel & District Antique Machinery Park, Quesnel: Quesnel & District Antique Machinery Park & North Cariboo Metis Association Christmas Party & Sleigh Rides!!! Sleigh rides, singing turkey raffle, giveaways, wiener and marshmallow roast, hot chocolate and Santa! Come out and enjoy a great day! Adults $5.00 Seniors & Students $3.00 children 8 & under free. Admission covers sleigh ride, a hot chocolate, one hot dog and marshmallows. DRESS WARM AND BRING A BLANKET!

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Helping spread the holiday cheer Bring in a donation for the food bank and get a FREE cup of coffee!

Merry Christmas!

Dec. 21-23: 9-6 |Monday, Dec 24: 9-2 Dec. 25-26 Closed | Dec. 27-30: 9-6 Dec. 31: 9-2 | Jan. 1: Closed | Jan. 2: 6: 9-6 We will resume our regular salon hours starting Monday Jan. 7. If you are booked already and would like an earlier date during our holiday schedule, please give us a call and we would love to accommodate you. Thank you to all our wonderful clients, and have a great holiday season!

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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 11

If anyone knows of some great New Year’s Eve parties let us know! We’ll post them on on our blog / Facebook page, or, you know, we may just show up.

December 15, 4:00-11:00pm, Jack o’Clubs Music Hall, Wells: A Winter’s Evening in Wells!! 4:00 pm Cocktails; 5:00 pm Turkey with the Trimmings; 6:30 pm Evening Entertainment by ‘After Eight’. Tickets are $25/person and available at the Wells Legion (250-994-3208) and from Honey (250-9925875). This will be a great evening of fun and entertainment! December 15, 6:00-10:00pm, Bouchie Lake Hall, Quesnel: two rivers Boxing Club Presents Rumble #17!! Ringside Sponsorship Tickets 2 for $50. General Seating $10 @ door. Contact Wally Doern 250-9915061 for Ringside Sponsorship Tickets or for more info. Come out and support your local boxers at this action-packed event! Boxers coming from across B.C. to join in this exciting 10 fight card. December 16, 2:00-4:00pm, St. Peter’s Anglican Church, Williams Lake: It’s the popular Sing & Ring! Bring your own BELL and Join us at St. Peter’s to sing your favourite Christmas songs, hear some amazing performances and get into the spirit of the season! December 16, 2:45-4:15pm, Cariboo Memorial Complex, Williams Lake: The Cariboo Memorial Complex is hosting a Free Skate - starting at 2:45pm sponsored by Surplus Herby’s December 17, 7:00-9:00pm, Chuck Mobley Theatre, Quesnel: Quesnel Live Arts Presents: Jesse Peters & Pear. In concert, Jesse and the Duo “Pear”, traverse a musical path of originals written over the past ten years and classics that give wing to

his vocal range. Audience engaging and musically captivating. Season Tickets (6 Shows & Reserved seating at the Chuck Mobley Theatre) – Adults – $125, Seniors/Youth – $100. For more information please visit www.qla.ca December 19, 6:00am, Ramada (Overlander) Convention Center, Williams Lake: Reserve your spot to attend the Christmas Wish Breakfast Buffet on December 19 at the new Ramada Inn. Donate a gift, and eat breakfast. The buffet starts at 6:00am so book your table time by calling the Ramada directly. Save on Foods is a partner in this event but the breakfast is only being held at the Ramada.

December 19/20, Kersley Hal, Kersley: Cinderella Meets her Prince. Presented by North Cariboo Christian School. Admission by donation. December 20, 8:00pm, Cariboo Hotel, Quesnel: Joey Only Outlaw Show! Bringing the Outlaw Show to downtown Quesnel for the first time since 2008!!! Get your seats early... and then get out of em when the band starts to rock so you can hit the dancefloor hard. Starring legendary bad-asses: JOEY ONLY, LITTLE LEAH, JOEL STERN and BOB CAMPBELL!!

December 21, 1:00-2:30pm, Who has time when Cariboo Memorial Complex, Williams Lake: StrongStart is the game is on?

hosting a Winter Festival at Cariboo Memorial Recreation Complex on Friday, Dec.21 between 1:00 and 2:30 pm. Preschoolers are invited to attend with their parent or caregiver. Come for skating, crafts, a puppet show and more. For more information call 398-3839 December 24, 1:00-2:30pm, Cariboo Memorial Complex, Williams Lake: Come and Skate with Santa!! December 25, 1:00-4:00pm, St. John’s Anglican church, Quesnel: Free Christmas Dinner! Everyone welcome! For information or to volunteer contact Reg or Eileen at 250747-2109 or leave a message at 250-992-6152

December 31, 6:00pm2:00am,Cariboo Hotel, Quesnel: Come celebrate with the Cariboo Hotel on New Year’s Eve. The theme is “A Night at the Oscars” We will be rolling out the red carpet, dress code is FORMAL! Ties for guys. Tickets are $30 dollars and will be on sale by Dec 6th. Live music by Frenzy. Your ticket includes dinner Prime Rib and a champagne toast at midnight. We look forward to bringing in 2013 with everyone. January 11, Parkside Art Gallery, 100 Mile House: dichotomy – A photography exhibit featuring works by photographer Teresa Donck.

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PAGE 12 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

We’re smart. And sexy. Happy Holidays from all of us at The Stew Magazine.

MAGAZINE


December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 13

We don’t know about you, but we could sure go for a Quarter Pounder right about now.

StewSpots Maybe the end is just a new beginning Looking to get your copy on the latest edition of THE STEW Magazine? We’re available for pickup in a variety of places around the Cariboo Chilcotin. Please remember that this list is always evolving, and we’re always looking for new places that our magazine can call home, so if you know of someplace that you think should be a drop-off point for THE STEW, or if you own a business and you’d like to have a few copies of our magazine on your shelves, plus let us know.You can reach us by email at either todd@thestew. ca or juli@thestew.ca. Locations listed in alphabetical order 100 MILE HOUSE 99 Mile Supermarket A&W Alpine Deli & Sub Shop Chartreuse Moose Chevron CRD Library Dairy Queen Donex Higher Ground Natural Foods KFC Lone Butte General Store Marcel’s Boulevard Cafe Nuthatch Book Store Paninos Parkside Art Gallery Pharmasave Safeway Save-On Foods Smitty’s Subway Tim Hortons Velda’s Pasteries & Desserts Visitor Centre Yummers 150 MILE HOUSE 150 Mile Mall Marshall’s Store IN LAC LA HACHE Fast Trac Gas and Convenience Store Clancy’s Restaurant IN WILLIAMS LAKE 7-Eleven A&W Alley Katz Annie’s Attic Bean Counter Canadian Tire Canwest Propane Cariboo Growers Cariboo Memorial Complex Cariboo Spring CRD Library (Magazine & News Section) Central Cariboo Arts & Culture Center Concrete Fitness Cool Clear Water Dairy Queen Dandelion Living Denny’s Restaurant Dollar Dollar Elaine’s Natural Foods The Gecko Tree Greyhound Halls Organics Hobbit House Husky Karamia’s LD’s Cafe M&M Meat Shop McDonald’s Mohawk Mountview Store Movies on the Go New World Cafe One More Slice The Open Book The Overlander Hotel Quiznos Red Shred’s Safeway Sandman Inn Save On Foods Shell Shopper’s Drug Mart Sight and Sound Starbucks Station House Gallery Subway (Downtown) Subway (on the Highway) Tim Horton’s Tourism Info Centre TRU WLCBIA Women’s Contact Society Zellers Restaurant IN QUESNEL 7-Eleven (on the Highway) 7-Eleven (in West Quesnel) A&W Aroma Foods Billy Barker Hotel & Casino Bliss Burger Palace Carry All Books Granville’s Coffee Green Tree Health & Wellness Karin’s Deli Mac’s Museum & Tourist Centre Pier 14 Quiznos Riverside Bistro (West Park Mall) Safeway Save On Foods Shopper’s Drug Mart Steeped Subway Super Suds Laundromat Tim Horton’s (on the Highway) Tim Horton’s (Downtown)

In My Shoes By Eamon Owen Okay, so it’s big shift time, according to people who lived a long time ago. Is their alleged prophecy true? Who’s to say. But let’s be frank, there is a shift happening everywhere. We’re seeing it in ideologies, dietary practices, educational institutions, daily lives, and, well, pretty much anywhere we look, things are changing. As redundant as it to even say, things are changing faster than ever before documented. The way we live is so far removed from practices of people even a few years ago that, I think, and maybe you know, there is massive shift happening. When’s the last time you went foraging for berries? When’s the last day you didn’t see a cell phone, car, television, or hear a piece of recorded music? Can we even imagine what it must have been to live in a world without ‘recorded’ music? Um... I guess once upon a time enjoying music meant you actually had to, well, make music in order to listen to it, as well as be able to make instruments. Or at least know a guy. But I’m getting off track. My point, however small and irrelevant it may be (that’s what she said) is that life today is changing so fast it’s dizzying. And, as you know, like the gravitron at the fair-

ground, it’s accelerating. These are some absolutely mind-blowing times we live in! Granted, there is some really messed up stuff going on, and being perpetuated, by varying power hungry monsters, but that’s always been happening. People will forever fight for power. Forget that and just look around, and look at our own lives, our routines, our comforts, our habits, our clothes, our foods, our beverages, our labours, our passions, our entire way of living. We all have our own style, or attitude, towards how we live, what we do, how we face the audience, and how we carry ourselves from day-to-day through every situation we encounter. And when we think on this we realize how absolutely absurd and even beyond imagination our day to day scenarios are compared to the world of yester-centuries. For instance. I watched a seagull outside a mall try to repeatedly run through a glass window in a vain attempt to earn a paper McDonald’s bag on the far side, possibly filled with something bearing the unearned name of food. My apologies if mentioning McDonald’s has caused a craving for McDonald’s food. I know the the stuff is like crack. Also my apolo-

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gies if mentioning a seagull has caused a craving for seagull. Though it’d likely be healthier to eat the seagull than the McDonald’s food. Healthy for you, that is, though not so healthy for the seagull. Then again, seagull might be unhealthy were it a gull that’d been eating from McDonald’s. By now, if you’re still reading, you’re probably wondering if there is any point to this at all. Maybe you’re not wondering that, maybe you’re still reading because you have nothing better to do, or because that tasteless (but well placed) ‘that’s what she said’ line made you laugh. I don’t know why you’re still reading. Do you? Anyhow, let’s move on. Okay, so what do I see going on in terms of the shift? I see people letting go of fears. I see the emergence of a brave new world. I see people inspiring other

people. I see the taming and conditioning of the human spirit being undone. I see that spirit once again returning to the place of it’s greatest power, fighting to regain what’s been lost. I see the disbalanced human-earth relationship slowly returning to a balanced state. Yes, this is going to be a long time change, but it things do seem to be moving in those direction, don’t they? Will this coming year be the year the shift really gains momentum? If we de-

cide to incorporate positive change into our lives, and start leading the life we know we can lead, then just maybe, we can make this next year one that sticks out in the history books of tomorrow. And, hey, whether the prophecy is correct or not, wouldn’t it be cool, as the people living in this time, to choose to make the prophecy real, and make this the actual time humanity began to heal? Just saying, that would be pretty darn nifty. eamon@thestew.ca

Cariboo Growers The public markets may be closed for the season, but you can still get your fresh, local produce and meats year round at the non-profit store on the corner of Third and Oliver St.

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PAGE 14 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

We’re sort of addicted to the pepperoni sticks from Margett’s Meats in Williams Lake.

Looking deeper at the local meat industry

We’re smart. And sexy.

MAGAZINE

It’s the end of the world as we know it… do I feel fine? It really depends on the day and which side of the bed I got up on. Some days I think about how much positive change I have seen here in our local food system since I returned and I feel good, really good. This is why I am here. I saw that things couldn’t continue as they were and this is why I returned to the Cariboo — to grow food and do my small part to make the world a better, healthier place; a place in which I might actually consider raising a family. But then some days the obstacles seem insurmountable and I see how far we have to go and how little we have to work with and I despair. Last month I wrote about the horrors of the factory farm system of meat production, and promised to follow it up this month with the scoop on local meat. In the meantime, I became aware of some difficult realities that may mean local meat is headed towards collapse. No matter what I write here today I am going to piss off someone. Meat is incredibly political, more so than I would have thought, and I’m not even sure where I stand on the issue. A week ago I attended a meeting put together by a group of concerned meat producers to discuss the proposed changes in regulations for abattoirs and the effects this could have on local meat. For those of you who don’t know, right now all meat that is sold must have been slaughtered at a Class A licensed abattoir. These abattoirs have inspectors on-site to be sure the animals are killed humanely

Eating Local By Terri Smith and the meat handled safely. Right now the two closest Class A abattoirs in our area are Rodear Meats in Beaver Valley, and Chilcotin Harvest in Redstone. Spokin Lake Meats seems to hold the correct license as well, but does not deal with every type of animal. There are many other great butchers around who can do the cutting and wrapping of meat, but to sell this meat the animal must first have been killed at an inspected facility. If you are someone who buys local meat already, or if you are interested in beginning, don’t even bother looking at the grocery store. Save-on-Foods and Safeway have no local meat. Ignore those lovely posters of ranching families on the walls or the display of local cattle brands up near the ceiling. It’s all for show. There is no BC meat for sale in our chain grocery stores. BC doesn’t have the infrastructure to be able to sell our own meat at these chains. The cattle may have originally come from BC, but they were shipped to Alberta or the US to feedlots, then slaughtered and brought back as packaged meat. Pork, lamb and chicken were all raised, killed and processed somewhere else entirely. Your best options for local are places like Cariboo Growers, the Farmers’ Markets

in summer, Margett’s Meats, 150 Mile Meats, (and others that I’m sure I’m missing), or directly from a local producer. And all these options require a Class A inspected abattoir. All of this is about to change. The government regulations are in a process of alteration and the jury seems to be out on what exactly those alterations might be, and what effect they will have. Now, I have asked and I have researched and everyone I spoke with and everywhere I looked gave me answers, but as emphatic as each answer was, not one answer was the same. So what you will get here is my opinion on the state of things as I see it at this time. The issue around local meat is confusing, it is vast and it has farreaching implications. Here’s what happened (google BCAISR for the government report on the review of BC abattoir inspections): In July of this year it was agreed that the Province would assume responsibility for meat inspections by the end of 2013. One of the changes that would happen as a result seems to be that Class D and E licenses would be freely given; this means anyone could kill any of their animals at home and sell the meat. Sounds good? Haven’t we all been hearing that the rules are too strict, that it’s the regulations designed for the mas-


December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 15

All things considered, it would probably be healthier to just be a vegetarian, but it wouldn’t be anywhere near as delicious.

sive scale factory farms that are keeping small-scale mixed farms from succeeding? Here’s where it gets tricky. Class A licensed abattoirs like Rodear Meats were told in the 1980s that they had to comply with new regulations or their meat could not be sold. Some butchers didn’t bother, they just continued doing cutting and wrapping for people’s home consumption of their own farm animals or wild game. The few who did comply spent millions in upgrading. Now that the regulations may change again those places that spent the money to stay in business will be out of business, and with them too will go the last local producers who were trying to market local meat. While it seems that it would be good for more people to be able to sell their own meat locally, these sales could only be direct. The new licenses would not allow for retail sale. Most of the meat sold at places like the Farmers’ Markets, Cariboo Growers, and Margett’s comes from Rodear Meats. Without

Rodear there would be no local meat to speak of, if the words of the 20 people at that meeting last week were any indication. Most of them stated that without Rodear they

would have to stop marketing locally. For some this means commodity markets only and for others it means going out of business. Chilcotin Harvest

is a six hour round trip for most people in our area. It is just too far. And not a single person there was comfortable with retailing uninspected meat.

If we lose Rodear Meats, we lose local meat in the Cariboo. Local meat is expensive. But it must be. The cost of production is high. The costs along the way are high. But it’s worth it. If I could have one wish this Christmas it would be that all meat sales in BC would be BC meat. I will be continuing this series on meat over the next few months as I have barely scratched the surface here, and may not have even angered anyone yet. I will tell you more as I learn more, but if you want to continue to have the option of buying local meat, then, buy local meat! And you could always email your MLA, MP, the Minister of Agriculture, and the Premier, but don’t ask me what you should be requesting of them. I have no idea what the new system should look like and neither do they. All I know is that it really is the end of the world as we know it; now it’s up to us to create the world as we want it. Now what is it that we want? roads.end.csa@gmail.com

A time for

discovery. With Christmas just around the corner many of us are starting the great task of shopping. We have a huge assortment of great things to meet everyone on your list. Tea pots for granny, bath and body products for mom, seeds for the gardener, roto-tiller for dad, jewellery for the girlfriend, funny t-shirts for uncle, and you can give the present of life this year by giving live tropical plants — we have a huge assortment in all shapes and sizes

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PAGE 16 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

In some other alternate dimension, all the members of Aerosmith actually pursued careers in quantum physics.

The Tone Soup Christmas music-giving guide Power piano ballad with sad country fiddle solo and perfectly executed flamboyant Steven Tyler vocals, and gooey, cheesy, emotionally over the top lyrics. Yep that song’s gonna be all over breakup mix tapes of the future. Be warned: This album will not be appreciated as a Christmas gift once it has been listened to.

It’s December and by the time you read this you’ll probably be frantically looking for last minute gift ideas for those hard-to-buy-for people. And sometimes guessing at musical preferences and albums you’ve never heard before can make giving new music a nerve-wracking experience. Well, I’m here to offer a little advice on some of the most recent releases on shelves in the past month. Aerosmith’s Music From Another Dimension is exactly that. It sounds like Aerosmith, but they’re an alternate reality Aerosmith where they’re old and crotchety and releasing comeback albums after more than a decade by reusing old ideas with new and shittier lyrics.

The sober Aerosmith is not the coolest Aerosmith ever committed to an audio recording. If you listen to this album as background music without really paying attention to it, you might think you’re listening to the other songs from past albums that you never listened to because they were mostly lame versions of the other stuff on the album. The one song that stood out to me as a half decent rock anthem was “Beautiful,” and then the word is whispered and the song pauses and the whole mood is lost. Lame. Then I read something that convinced me to take another good listen to the power ballad “Another Last Goodbye.” It really is the quintessential power ballad.

Experimental electronic / electro / synthpunk genius duo Crystal Castles have presented us with the results of their third experiment, affectionately known as (III). The experiment is intended to prove the hypothesis that electrohouse could be combined with shoegaze to create an entrancing effect. And the hypothesis has been proven correct. The effect is very entrancing, but it is never comforting. It is cold and eerie and gloomy and sometimes even quite bracing. It opens as “Plague” swells to the eerie echo of a lost voice behind a dirty synth, backed by a dull

heartbeat-like thump. “Insulin” will surge, crystalline, through your veins like the most perfect example of witch house (witch house is a genre, in case you’re not familiar). And they finish off with the chill-inducing “Child I Will Hurt You” which sounds like a lullaby from the Snow Queen. This could be the new gothic sound. Many are raving about it and, fuck, am I loving it! Give it to the freak on your list.

But who is really the master of music to make your skin crawl? None other than the great Trent Reznor, that’s who. And when he’s joined by his beautifully breathy wife and long-time pals, Atticus Ross and Rob Sheridan, it can only mean more music that will send chills up your spine as you sway along. An omen EP_ is the sophomore EP leading up to How To Destroy Angels’ first studio album which is to be released in early 2013. This EP seems to be full of better ideas and

Tone Soup By Jamie Horsley better execution than their first. The most amazing and moving song, “Ice Age,” even begs a possible new genre: Industrial Country. It’s a very big step forward for HTDA and makes me much more excited for the forthcoming album. An omen EP_ is for anyone who lost hope after hearing How To Destroy Angels’ first EP. This album will be well received by most any Nine Inch Nails fan, and if they frown when they open it, I promise it will turn upside down when they listen to it.

Christina Aguilera’s vocals are pretty stunning and her new album, Lotus, easily demonstrates that her spot on

NBC’s The Voice is well earned. But that sometimes gets lost in pop bombast, and those songs usually get deservedly written off as trite (try “Around the World” and “Circles”). But this album has as many gems as it does bits of gravel. “Sing For Me” is her beautifully uplifting answer to Katy Perry’s “Firework,” and is likely aimed at all the friends and fans of The Voice. This album has taken a lot of criticism, and musically, maybe it deserves some of that, but this is a Christina Aguilera album and she and her voice are easily the highlight of this album. Long time Christina fans, and fans of The Voice, will enjoy this album most. But if it’s female vocals you’re looking for, Lana Del Rey’s new Paradise EP proves she is the real diamond in the rough, like the most amazing diamond ring that you found in a sleazy downtown pawnshop.

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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 17

A drinking contest between Ke$ha and Lady Gaga would be a pay-per-view worthy event, and we’d be first in line to watch.

She adheres to her Hollywood sadcore style with a slightly more mature, yet in no way less sexual, manner. The overall sound is much more sombre and less poppy than the majority of the Born To Die album. Obviously this time around she has less to prove and more freedom to do her own thing. Paradise is the perfect thing to tide fans over until her next full LP.

In an attempt to warm up the winter season Pitbull has attempted to contribute to Global Warming by heating up the dance floors with some hot, sexy, Euro club beats. His rhymes are either ego- or sex-centric. Often both. The onstage guests are numerous as are the reused hooks. Never the less, he brings a sexy party. The beats will make you wanna

dance and the suggestive lyrics (especially when combined with alcohol and a club scene) will probably make you wanna fuck. As is his direct intention in songs like “Everybody Fucks” in which him and his buddies, Akon and David Rush, try to convince girls to “love me tonight girl we won’t meet again,” by saying “I know you don’t do these type of things on the first night. We both know it’s wrong, but fuck it cause it feels right.” Later he brags about his conquest in “Last Night” while Havana Brown’s sexy voice sings his praises: “I can’t believe what we did last night. I wanna say oh my god that was so much fun. I’ll never forget it, telling everyone about last night” and he replies with “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happened in Miami, never happened.” I laughed. Ignoring the reworked hooks that make some of this album surprisingly catchy, I’m gonna call Global Warming sexy club beats for those with loose morals. I have loose morals. Then Ke$ha crashes back onto the scene with Warrior and makes Pitbull look like a gentleman with her non-stop, unapologetic, in-your-face style that

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explodes with glitter and aggressiveness. While some songs reuse some of her most favourite and familiar beats and lyrical themes (see “Crazy Kids” for a complete rehash of “We R Who We R”), songs like “Gold Trans Am” prove Ke$ha is the female Motley Crue or Def Leppard of the modern hardcore pop scene. She can probably drink Lady Gaga under the table, and she’d eat that Rihanna chick for breakfast and shit her out by dinner. Warrior builds on the foundations of her last album and somehow improves on them. Is she actually improving or is she just growing on us like like a meth addiction? If you like your party more raw and glitterfree, Green Day has kicked it up a notch for ¡Dos! the second release of their current trilogy of albums. It opens with a nice little acoustic number called “See You Tonight” and then gets right to the point when Billie Joe Armstrong starts the party by declaring

“Oh baby, baby, it’s fuck time!” But “Lazy Bones” is the real self-loathing party punk that we’ve come to know and love from Green Day. After the slightly less than wild “Wild One,” “Makeout Party” kicks us back into a rock orgy. Then there’s some funkiness and more rock and more rock until we arrive at the eerily groovy “Nightlife” and then they kick it up for one last party moment before Billie sings a sombre acoustic ballad called Amy, rumoured to be about the late Amy Winehouse. ¡Dos! is for all the fans of Green Day’s mainstream success. The release of the third album of this trilogy, ¡Tré!’s, has been pushed forward to December 11 and the full trilogy is likely to make the perfect Christmas gift for the die-hard Green Day fan on your list. Now if you still can’t decide what to get for them, stick to the gift card. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! tonesoup@thestew.ca

Sometimes it’s just as good to give as it is to receive.

MIX

These are the songs that rocked our world during the last 30 days

Todd Sullivan Johnette Napolitano - ‘The Scientist’ Cake - ‘I Will Survive’ Alabama 3 - ‘These Boots are Made for Walking’ Jamie Horsley The Killers - ‘Miss Atomic Bomb’ Train - ‘Feels Good At First’ Nine Inch Nails - ‘Zero-Sum’ Laura Kelsey Devendra Banhart - ‘First Song For B’ Marion Williams - ‘Mean Old World’ Terry Jacks - ‘Seasons in the Sun’ Terri Smith Tool - ‘Aenima’ (Apocalyptic! Ffavourite line:“Some say the end is near, some say we’ll see armageddon soon, I certainly hope we will, I sure could use a vacation...”)

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PAGE 18 | THE STEW Magazine | December 2012

The PEN/Faulkner Foundation is an outgrowth of William Faulkner’s generosity in donating his 1949 Nobel Prize winnings, “to establish a fund to support and encourage new fiction writers.”

2012 award winning books at the CRD Library We’re nearing the end of 2012, and several of the major literary book and film awards (internationally and nationally) have already been decided. Here is a selection of some this year’s winners at the library now. B.C. Book Prize: Hubert Evans Non-Fiction Prize The Hubert Evans Non-Fiction Prize, established in 1985, is awarded annually as the BC Book Prize for the best non-fiction book by a resident of British Columbia, Canada. Gill, Charlotte. (2011). Eating dirt: deep forests, big timber and life with the tree-planting tribe. Vancouver: Greystone Books. Charlotte Gill, a tree planter with twenty years of

experience, recalls her career amongst clear-cuts, and outlines the fraught and complicated intersection between human civilization and the natural world through the lens of the logging industry. With stunning and poetic prose, Gill explores the subculture of tree planters, a motley tribe who live between the contradictions of ruin and the beauty of new growth, and within the tangled relationship between environmentalists and loggers. Sure to appeal to anyone who appreciates beautiful prose and has an interest in one of our province’s most valuable resources. Man Booker Prize The Man Booker Prize for Fiction is a literary prize

awarded each year for the best original fulllength novel, written in the English language, by a citizen of the Commonwealth of Nations, Republic of Ireland, or Zimbabwe. Mantel, Hilary. (2012). Bring up the Bodies. Canada: HarperCollins. English novelist Hilary Mantel delivers a sequel to her 2009 Man Booker Prize winner Wolf Hall, which told the tale of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn through the eyes of Thomas Cromwell. In Bring up the Bodies, Mantel continues this fascinating exploration of the politics and attitudes of Tudor society. King Henry has now grown disenchanted with Anne Boleyn. Thomas Cromwell is ready to bring her down, but not without a ferocious struggle from Anne

and her powerful family. Terrifying, gripping, sharply intelligent, and sure to appeal to fans of historical fiction. Orange Prize for Fiction Launched in 1996, the prize celebrates excellence, originality and accessibility in women’s writing from throughout the world. Miller, Madeline. (2012). Song of Achilles. New York: Ecco. Achilles, son of sea goddess Thetis and King Peleus, is strong and irresistible. Patroclus is an awkward young prince who has been exiled from his homeland. In spite of incurring the gods’ fury,

Achilles and Patroclus come together by chance, and forge a deep friendship. Word arrives that Helen of Sparta has been kidnaped. In search of a glorious destiny, Achilles joins the cause to siege Troy, and is reluctantly followed by Patroclus. Madeline Miller weaves masterful story of the spectacle, courage, and tragedy of the Trojan War that will thrill readers with an epic portrayal of ancient Greece. PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction The PEN/ Faulkner Award for Fiction is awarded annually by the PEN/ Faulkner Foundation to the authors of the year’s best works of fiction by living American citizens. Otsuka, Julie. (2011). Buddha in the Attic. New

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December 2012 | THE STEW Magazine | PAGE 19

Nigerian scams are known as ‘419 scams’ because of the section of the Nigerian penal code that addresses fraud

York: Alfred A. Knopf Set nearly a century ago, Buddha in the Attic chronicles a group of young Japanese women brought to San Francisco as “picture brides”. Organized in eight remarkable sections, we learn of the extraordinary lives of each of these women across their lifespan: from their difficult journeys to San Francisco, their fearful first nights as new wives, to their difficulties grappling and raising children within America. A novel Vogue describes as “a stunning feat of empathetic imagination and emotional compression, capturing the experience of thousands of women.” Ethel Wilson Fiction Prize (B.C.) The Ethel Wilson Fiction Prize, established in 1985 as one of the BC Book Prizes, is awarded annually to the best work of fiction by a resident of British Columbia, Canada. Edugyan, Esi. (2011). Half-Blood Blues. Toronto: Thomas Allen. It’s Paris, 1940, where a brilliant twenty year old black jazz musician, Hiero, is arrested by the Nazis and never heard from again. Fifty years have passed and Sid, his

friend and fellow musician, reveals the relationships, affairs and betrayals that determined Hiero’s fate. Gifted B.C. storyteller Esi Edugyan leads readers through a mesmerizing world, filled with desire, music and conflict in a novel the Quill and Quire describes as “engrossing and unforgettable”. Giller Prize The largest annual literary prize in the country, the Scotiabank Giller Prize awards $50,000 to the author of the best Canadian novel or short story collection published in English and $5,000 to each of the finalists. Will Ferguson. (2012).

419 Will Ferguson takes readers into the tangle of lies that is 419, the world’s most deceptive Internet scam. When Laura Curtis, a solitary editor in a cold northern Alberta city, uncovers that her father has died as a result of one of these scams, she sets forth to find her father’s killer. Description is detailed and intense; from the chill of Alberta, to the dank humidity of the Niger Delta. 419 expertly combines disparate storylines: the tar sands of Canada, the pervasive legacy of colonialism, and Nigerian email scams. Ferguson weaves these threads into a suspenseful mystery. As the jury of the 2012 Scotiabank Giller prize noted, “Will Ferguson’s 419 points in the direction of something entirely new: the Global Novel”.

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THE STEW Magazine 12-12