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The Lover


How does Lover friendship differ from the Regular Guy/Gal archetype? For the Regular Guy/Gal, it is important to fit in and belong, but not to stand out. Lovers, by contrast, want to know that you are one of their best friends, that you really know them, and that they are really special to you. In this sense, the Lover can be the archetype of a group of friends who feel like they really know one another. They are connected not just by superficial allegiances, but by something much deeper. Vonnegut named this more intimate connection (than the “granfalloon”) the “karass.” In his mind, people who enjoy such a relationship are incarnated together for a reason, and they feel a special closeness. For many, this level of intimacy would not necessarily be explained in terms of incarnation. Rather, it might be earned, based on the time invested in building and sustaining it. Whether the love is romantic or of the friendship variety, the Lover’s self-esteem may derive from the sense of specialness that comes from being loved. At its worst, this can lead to a pathetically desperate need to be loved that can drive someone to promiscuity or to stay in an unfulfilling or even abusive situation. When a person has a stronger sense of self, the Lover can be expressed without so much compulsion. At its best, it offers deep, abiding, intimate connection between people—the kind that fuels marriages (or friendships) in which love really does last forever. Lovers think of themselves as being wonderfully appreciative of others. Lovers may be known as However, they typically dislike compartners, friends, intipetitors who threaten to supplant them mates, matchmakers, enin the affections of others. Associated thusiasts, connoisseurs, with the Lover archetype, therefore, sensualists, spouses, team may be an underside of competitivebuilders, harmonizers. ness that is generally unconscious and unacknowledged, with the result that jealousy can lead to very meanspirited behavior. When the Lover archetype is active in an individual’s life, he or she will want to look not only good, but, indeed, beautiful or handsome. The underlying desire is to attract, give love, and express affection in intimate and pleasurable ways. In friendship and in families, this propensity can include cuddling, sharing the secrets of one’s

Profile for Lewis Lafontaine

Mack, Margaret - Hero and Outlaw Archetype  

Mack, Margaret - Hero and Outlaw Archetype