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March 2011 - Le Nurb



Big Society bashing

I P My Personal Tutor


Fantastic Frisbeeing



Student places cut as VC profits from massive payrise

Brunel University Professor Chris Jenks (pictured on the right) is controversially profiting despite the recent cuts to higher education Ben Vallely There will be funding cuts for universities across the country, and tuition fees have just gone through the roof. How much do you think the top bods at Britain’s universities get paid relative to – say – David Cameron? According to the Daily Telegraph, EVERY Vice-Chancellor in the country gets paid more than the Prime Minister. On top of that, approximately 800 other members of university staff across the country were paid more than the incumbent at Number 10 Downing Street. Worryingly, though, Professor

Chris Jenks, our own ViceChancellor, comes second in a list rating Vice-Chancellors on the size of the payrise they received on the previous year’s salary. He was paid 18% more than last year, which makes his total salary approximately £280,000! The only Vice-Chancellor with a higher raise was at Plymouth, with a raise of 20%. Throughout the country, there were 11 ViceChancellors who received a raise of 10% or more. No wonder most universities are happy with the tuition fee increase. Although the Universities UK body are supporting the increase


March 2011

of fees, the document which ViceChancellors across the country have signed to vouch their support for the fee raise has not been signed by Prof Jenks. Andrew Kershaw, a Brunel University spokesman, said, “The Vice-Chancellor is ultimately responsible for everything that happens at Brunel and therefore the role of Vice-Chancellor is one that requires considerable experience and knowledge. Like in any profession the leadership role in a University is rewarded accordingly. However, the decision on what pay the ViceChancellor receives is taken by the

University’s Council, a body drawn from amongst the staff and a number of independent members from outside the University. In the most recent survey of 152 ViceChancellors’ salaries our ViceChancellor was 74th. “The University’s Remuneration Committee did make an exceptional salary increase of £12,000 in June 2009 because of the successful performance of the University both in managing its finances sustainably and in the national Research Assessment Exercise which brought increased funding to Brunel.”

... Zein Owfar Poverty has always been an epidemic that has faced human beings throughout history. This epidemic has become a part of our lives that some of us do not even consider its existence just because it doesn’t affect us directly. On top of this, some of us have become so ignorant that our definition of poverty just stops at people who cannot afford to eat. Even though this is one of the biggest factors of poverty, it is not the only factor as a person in poverty is also an individual who cannot afford the basic necessities of life - Shelter, clean water, food, electricity, medical support and clean clothes. Currently, there are 1.4 billion people in the world living in extreme poverty. That’s 1.4 billion people living on less than $1.25 a day – That is less than 77 Pence a day. We spend more than this to buy a can of coke. Also our ignorance as human beings has also led to a constant rise of global hunger since 1969. In 2010, there was an estimated 925 million people who did not have enough to eat – This is more than the population of The USA, Canada and the European Union combined. As well as this, 65% of these people are from seven countries; India, China, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Pakistan and Ethiopia. And the belief that people in poverty are only from developing countries is to an extent true as 98% of the 925 million are from there; however, 2% are not – they are from developed countries. When these statistics are looked at closely... (continued on page 7)

01895 25 25 25

Uxbridge Cowley Denham

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Le Nurb - March 2011

2 Welcome


Gaz Corfield - Editor As this issue hits the stands, we’ll have moved into the UBS Elections. This is where you elect the people who run the student union for the coming year. As your elected officers decide what the union’s £1m annual block grant gets spent on, you should vote wisely! This month’s centrespread contains the full elections timetable, from nominations right up to the declaration of the winners. Do participate; it’s probably the most important thing in the UBS calendar! In other news, we’ve just discovered that the University is seriously making moves towards joining the University of London. This is a brilliant thing; your degrees (not mine ‘cos I’m too old) will be issued by one of the oldest universities in the world, and you get to abuse the University of London Union’s facilities!

This Month...

The Team







FILE FORMAT Please send articles as an MS Word compatible document (.doc or .docx format), with a filename containing your article headline, and your name. We do not accept Microsoft Works (.wps), Publisher (.pub) or OpenOffice documents (.odt), or any other proprietary format.

11 15

Berlusconi banged up for buggery?

Beware Royce letting agency!


Elections, referenda, and tea


UBS elections and OWW timetables





27 28

Music, fashion and funky design

More Letters to the Editor, and job ads!


Your shame, framed, and you’re to blame


Match reports by people who play with balls

Editor Acting Chief Designer Chief Sub-Editor Secretary Ninja Designer

Gaz Corfield Robert Hunt Katrina Muhly Josie Daw Vic Jeganathan


News Editor Amy Blackford Sub Editor Sharna Lee Heir Designer Enya Williams


Marise Jeyarajah


Features Editor Natasha Prayag Sub Editor Kashfia Kabir Designer James Burchill


Arts & Reviews Editor Paul Dunn Sub Editor Emma Butcher Designer Adam James


Sport Editor Ben Vallely Sub Editor Greg Stuart Designer James Squire

IMAGES Images should be .jpg or .png format and attached separately. Please don’t embed images into Word documents: this compresses them too much for use on the page. You should, however, include the image file name, and any image credits (who the photographer is) at the end of your article. Images you submit must not be copyrighted by another individual or organisation. Please don’t just nick pictures off Google Image Search; we can’t use them 99% of the time! SEND TO: - Enquiries, advertising & complaints - News articles - In-depth articles on a given topic - Reviews and arts articles - Everything sport-related ISSUE 8 CONTENT DEADLINES: Articles: Monday, April 18th. Advertising: Wednesday, April 20th. All articles and pictures © their respective authors unless otherwise indicated. Views expressed are those of the writers and do not reflect the official position of UBS or Brunel University. All comments and complaints about content in Le Nurb should be addressed to the Editor in the first instance: Complaints will only be entertained where it can be proven that an article or graphic is: factually inaccurate; breaches the Press Complaints Commission’s Editors’ Code of Practice; breaches the National Union of Journalists’ Code of Conduct; breaks the law; or encourages readers to break the law. No complaint that fails to satisfy at least one of these criteria will be upheld. Published by: Union of Brunel Students, Cleveland Road, Uxbridge, UB8 3PH. Printed by: Harmsworth Printing Derby, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2BH.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

News 3

Smoking policy review Ollie de Kretser Brunel is divided over a plan to introduce designated smoking areas on campus after complaints about the current smoking policy. The university’s health and safety department has received mixed feedback on its plan to put a 4m exclusion zone around each building on site and introduce designated smoking areas. Students and staff have previously complained about people smoking outside entrances to buildings and smoke rising into their windows when people stand immediately outside halls. Most non-smokers agree that adding smoking areas will be an

improvement, while others do not think this will be enough; they would prefer to see a complete ban. Interim Head of Health and Safety and occupational psychologist Robin Phillips, who is helping the University with this plan, has said that because anyone is free to smoke, he would much rather see the campus made suitable for smokers and non-smokers instead of a total ban. The feedback did provide helpful suggestions about the positions of the smoking areas, though some smokers are concerned they may have to rush

from lectures to smoke before they need to go back. Brunel student Bryn Mayer is a smoker. Commenting on the new policy, he said, “I’m fine with them having these smoking areas as long as I don’t have to walk far every time I need a smoke.” Thousands of students, staff, and members of the public use facilities on campus everyday, making this a very difficult task for the health and safety department. Mr. Phillips said, “We have to try and accommodate everybody but it’s a bit of a marmite situation... we do not want to make smokers feel persecuted.” The smoking areas will not be


Campus smoking policy to be suitable for all covered in the short term but attractive smoking shelters are available and, if funds allow, will be placed around the campus. There is currently no set date for when this new policy will go ahead, but all the signs and posts

Collaborative Research Network Chris Thorne Brunel University launched their brand new Collaborative Research Network (CRN) on February 16th, hoping to help UK manufacturers prosper in the fiercely competitive global market. The CRN will provide UK industry with access to Brunel’s extensive manufacturing capability and create new opportunities for innovation in knowledge transfer, cross-disciplinary research and industrial collaboration. Professor Cheng explained that the new CRN was needed now because the nature of manufacturing has fundamentally changed. In the last few decades,

manufacturing has moved from comprising those activities which take place within the factory walls to a multi-skilled, multidisciplinary cycle of activities combining research, design and development, production, logistics, service provision and end-of-life management. Cheng says, “The Innovative Manufacturing CRN will enable UK manufacturers of all sizes to access in one place the expertise they need.” Over 70 delegates from industry, professional bodies, Brunel, and other universities attended the launch event, which featured a variety of guest speakers.

Collaboration between both academia and manufacturing in the UK was highlighted as crucial if the government is to succeed in its drive to generate long-term sustainable growth by pushing UK manufacturing into increasingly high-value and high-tech areas. Dr Richard Bateman, coordinator of the Innovative Manufacturing CRN, added that despite widespread public perception, manufacturing remains critical to the UK’s economy. “Manufacturing accounts for 14–15 per cent of the UK’s GDP and 50–55 per cent of exports and employs three million people. Most people are

surprised to hear that the UK is the sixth-largest manufacturer in the world,” he says. The CRN will draw on the expertise of the 500 researchers working in manufacturing across the university, including those from Brunel’s specialist research institutes. Closing the event, the Vice Chancellor Professor Chris Jenks emphasised the University’s commitment to working closely with industry for the benefit of society and described the launch as “a strong signal of our intentions here at Brunel.”

A brave new cashless world? Will Armstrong Bring items to trade to SU reception anytime Monday to Friday. Bazaar is on 11th March 2011 from 11-3pm in Academy.

Issue 8 out April 28th

Welcome to the world of swapping. Gloom is looming, credit is crunching, and it is still too expensive to turn the heating on. Given the ever-more realistic prospect that none of us may ever find the proper job we need to fend off the dreaded Student Loans repayment man, it is time to be realistic about our spending habits. As the term wears on and the overdraft inches out a spot further, it can be difficult to justify food purchases to yourself, never mind the whimsical wardrobe additions we all indulge in from time to time. With each successive financial low in the economy at large, the swapping movement gathers pace nationwide as people latch on to the concept of satisfying the thrill of the new without the accompanying emptying of the purse. Swapping events are cropping up in various forms nationwide, with events held at a

range of locations around London. Welcome to the FreeBrunelGumtree Bazaar! It’s what we like to call “A FreeCommerce World.” This is Brunel’s FIRST trading event ideal for trading of all goods, old and new. What makes this event so unique is the fact no money is required. How to get involved: Simply bring your items you wish to trade to the Student Union reception (between Locos and the Academy) anytime Monday to Friday, whether it be vintage clothing, used books, digital and electronic goods, DVD’s, toys, party frocks, jewellery, accessories, music, fancy dress, and so on, in exchange for BrunelGumtree Credits. You can trade as many items as you want, not only are there no restrictions to what you can trade, but no money is needed to acquire an item. All we ask is items are of good quality, clean and your proud to hand them on. Large sacks of items are gratefully received and people who bring along anyone else with too much stuff for one person to enjoy. Spend those BrunelGumtree

Credits you have acquired to purchase whatever takes your fancy. Any items left unswapped or unclaimed will be sold, money raised will go to charity. Join the FreeBrunelGumtree Bazaar Facebook Page for further information. And post items that you are going to be swapping or

items that you desire. Become part of Brunel’s cashless community, while saving money and helping protect the environment. One persons trade is another’s treasure! Happy Trading! FreeBrunelGumtree Team.

are ready. If anyone has any suggestions about the proposed smoking areas, please email healthandsafety@

News In Brief World record for kissing A couple from Thailand have broken the world record for the longest kiss by making out for over 33 hours. The couple were not allowed to sit or sleep during the attempt but were allowed to eat, drink and go to the toilet as long as they didn’t break their embrace. Such a Sili name change Residents of the Welsh town Sili have voted to change the name of their town after being sick and tired of being exposed to ridicule. After one too many jokes, a local resident said ‘Many people said the town name was silly.’ Personally, the LeNurb team quite like it.

The Condom Finder A new app for the iPhone was launched on Valentine’s Day, showing users where they can find the nearest free condom in New York City. The app also provides a ‘quickest route’ feature in case you’re in a rush.

Too Dumb For Sex A man has been banned from having sex after authorities felt he was too stupid to know what he was doing. The man, whose IQ is 48, will not be given sex education as experts felt the experience will leave him ‘confused.’

net_efekt Save a little money and swap!

1. Read paper, 2. Recycle paper, 3. ?????, 4. Profit!

Pot Advice A man from Conneticut has been arrested for possession of marijuana after he phoned the police asking how much trouble he would be in if he started to grow it. The 21-year-old was asked whether he was in the process of committing a crime to which he responded, ‘possibly.’

Le Nurb - March 2011

4 News

NUS President to step down Gaz Corfield Aaron Porter, the embattled president of the National Union of Students, has announced that he will not be seeking re-election at this year’s annual NUS conference. Porter’s re-election manifesto – not due to be released for another two months – was leaked to political journalist Harry Cole late in February. In it, he claimed to have secured a “historic partnership with UCU and other trade unions,” despite the NUS conspicuously failing to support a demonstration in London that was organised by UCU and other national trade unions. Speaking to the Press Association, Porter said, “I feel immensely proud of what we’ve achieved this year. I feel we are going into a new landscape next year, and I think we need a fresh start to ensure NUS moves forward. I’m pretty proud of what

we’ve done, and it’s best for the NUS and me to have a fresh start.” During Porter’s time as president the NUS has lurched from crisis to crisis, with serious internal splits forming amongst the NUS leadership over his poor handling of the London demonstrations and their aftermath. It is rumoured that Mark Bergfeld, a spokesman for the shadowy Education Activist Network, may stand for the NUS presidency after Porter’s departure. “I am confident there will be a new leadership to reflect growing anger among students over fees and jobs despite the democratic deficit within the NUS which makes it very difficult for a left wing candidate to win,” said Bergfeld. Porter claimed that a “moderate” candidate would run against Bergfeld in the April election.

Overseas students hit by new visa restrictions The plans included raising the students’ language requirement, lowering their rights to work, and an overall decrease in the number of foreign students studying in the UK below degree level. There is also a proposal to improve the accreditation process and to provide regular reviews of universities, colleges, and schools to detect bogus education providers. The report that pointed out the faults in the new policy was carried out by the vice chancellor of the University of East Anglia.

He indicated that foreign students bring in £5bn a year for the economy through their fees and off-campus expenditure. Overseas students are normally charged higher tuition fees than those from the UK, but Britain prizes itself for its multi-cultural society both in and out of universities. Professor Acton, the vice chancellor of the University of East Anglia said: “To implement the proposed measures as they stand would amount to a hostile act against Britain’s universities.”

Uxbridge crime ‘average’, say Met police Tom Scott Levels of crime in Uxbridge and Hillingdon have been classed as “average” according to a new website. According to the website, police. uk, there were 382 reported crimes within a 2-mile radius of Brunel University during December alone. This means that crime in the Brunel area has been classed as “average” in comparison to the rest of the country. This statistic has come as surprise to many, especially considering that two men were stabbed in Uxbridge High Street and a car set ablaze on February 19th., which was launched on February 1st, highlights all cases of crime and anti-social behaviour and places them on Google Maps, allowing users to view crime in their local area. Due to the popular demand of the public, the site crashed on the day of its launch after receiving almost 75,000 hits a minute.

It became one of the most popular government-based websites in history, with almost 400 million hits on its first day. The website is not without controversies, however; many have questioned the accuracy of the site, and some fear it could affect house prices in certain areas. Policing Minister Nick Herbert has defended the site, saying: “This will enable people to see exactly what’s going on in their street.” According to, levels of burglary, robbery, and vehicle crime are low near to Brunel University, yet certain hotspots are high in both violent crime and anti-social behaviour. Numerous incidents of antisocial behaviour have occurred along Cowley Road, Hillingdon Hill, and outside student nightspots in Uxbridge town centre. The website also reveals an astonishing 124 reported crimes in Uxbridge High Street alone.

Metropolitan Police Uxbridge not a hot-spot for crime?

Coffee stabbing Gaz Corfield Two men were stabbed in Uxbridge’s Caffe Nero on the morning of Saturday 19th Feb as shoppers went about their daily business. The men were in Cafe Nero on the High Street at about 11am when the stabbing occurred. Police and the London Ambulance Service attended the scene and took the two men to Hillingdon Hospital. Artan Doni, 30, of Park Road,

News 5

Berlusconi ‘bunga bunga’ bash blown

Lidyanne Aquino

Bess Browning Increased restrictions on higher education are causing yet more controversy with a proposed restraint of student visas. Brunel has thousands of international students and this new policy could result in dire circumstances. A study by the Higher Education Policy Institute said that the anticipated plan could lose the economy billions of pounds as it would completely cut the numbers of foreign students coming into the UK.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Uxbridge, appeared at Uxbridge Magistrate’s Court on Feb 21st and was remanded in custody. A witness who did not wish to be named said, “I popped out of the shop for a fag and then I saw blood on the pavement. It was really scary.” Anyone with information about the stabbing is asked to call Hillingdon Police on 020 8246 1447 or Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111. I think Le Nurb is a pretty cool guy. Eh encourages recycling and doesn’t afraid of anything...

Abigail Dede Italian Prime minister Silvio Berlusconi is set to stand trial in April for engaging in prostitution with a minor and abusing his power. The media mogul turned politician is said to have allegedly paid for sex with Karima El Mahroug, the then seventeenyear-old night club dancer who goes by the stage name ‘Ruby the Heart Stealer.’ The incident is said to have taken place at one of his infamous parties at his Milan residence on Valentine’s Day last year. Berlusconi, 74, is denying the charges against him. Speaking at a press conference in Rome he said, “I am not in the slightest bit worried,” but declined to comment further on his upcoming trial. If found guilty, Berlusconi could face a maximum of fifteen years in prison. However, in leaked prosecution documents published by Italian Newspaper La Repubblica, Mahroug, now 18 said, “I told him

the truth: I was a minor.” Although prostitution is not a crime in Italy, the legal age is 18. Berlusconi is further alleged to have used his presidential power to get Mahroug off theft charges. She was arrested for stealing £2500, and upon being questioned by police she claimed she was the granddaughter of the deposed Egyptian president, Hosni Mubarak. This latest scandal is one of many to have hit Berlusconi. He has been embroiled in a series of scandals involving wild private parties, where young women would receive gifts or money when they attended. He has also been chastised for appointing former ‘showgirls’ to official posts within his cabinet. Many Italians are fed up with their president’s antics. Over the weekend, thousands of women descended on the streets of Italy in protest, calling for Berlusconi’s resignation. One protester said, “His dalliances with young women humiliate the sex as a whole and degrade female dignity.”


No, you’re not sticking that up there!

Prisoners barred from compensation bid Chris Thorne The High Court has blocked an incredible set of compensation bids from prisoners unable to vote after last year’s general election. A staggering 585 criminals have launched claims against the government who believe that their human rights were breached. Mr Justice Langstaff, one of the country’s leading judges, said, “The courts could only rule on laws currently applicable in the UK.” The decision follows the recent debate instigated by MPs Jack Straw and David Davis, both who strongly opposed the government’s plan to give prisoners serving up to four years

the vote. However, MPs have voted to keep the blanket ban despite the fact it has been ruled incompatible with the European Convention on Human Rights (ECHR). The House of Commons decision is not legally binding but will place immense pressure on ministers to go against the Strasbourg court. The government’s main legal advisors informed Prime Minister David Cameron that he could defy the ECHR ruling, in a document leaked to the Times. The PM has previously warned that he would be pained to take on the latest legislation but would be powerless to stop it. Despite this, legal analyst Clive

Coleman does not believe the UK will suffer severe sanctions from the European community. “The Council would be loath to press the nuclear button and would look for some other form of sanction. “However, the consequences for the UK in terms of its international human rights reputation would be severe, [and] weaken its position in dialogue with non-EU states such as China and Zimbabwe.” A suspension is also a possibility, and such a decision would leave the UK with Belarus as the only major European state outside the council. Extensive dialogue between the government and its legal advisors is expected in the coming weeks.

Inflation spike Jade O’Donoghue After a surge in VAT and oil prices this January, inflation has hit an all time high. The UK Consumer Price Index annual inflation rate sat at 3.7% in December, but this month it was announced by the Office for National Statistics that it rose to 4% in January. This is double the Government target of 2%. The average price of petrol has gone up, hitting a record high of £1.27 a litre. Alcohol has risen by 6.7% from December to January with spirit prices swelling the most. The UK Consumer Price Index measures the prices of goods and other services that we frequently spend money on. After a spike in the value of crude oil and VAT increasing to 20%, the cost of living in the UK has risen significantly. Inflation is calculated by working out the percentage change in

these prices, compared to what they were this time last year. Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne, speaking to the BBC this week said, “It’s not just Britain alone, you’ve got higher prices around the world.” He added that the only way to curb inflation was to “get tough” on the budget deficit. The Bank Of England are predicting inflation to remain high over the next year and warn that the recovery from the increase in food and fuel prices will not be smooth. One way they might try to subdue this is to increase interest rates, which would in turn effect mortgages and savings accounts. Jimmy Carr on Channel 4’s 10 O’Clock Live said, “You know all that money you haven’t got? Well it’s now worth 4% less than it was this time last year.”

Gas cylinders cause fire in Cowley shed Amy Blackford Emergency services were called after a shed caught fire in Bosanquet Close on Sunday 6th February. The street, which is home to many Brunel students as well as young families, had to be evacuated as a safety precaution. Resident Claire Mason said: “I was in the Hub at the time, having a Sunday roast, when my housemate saw our neighbour’s status about having to call the Fire Brigade, so we rushed back home. It was clear the fire was being a

tough one to put out; they were here for a while. There was a lot of speculation about what had caused it. I didn’t know when I was going to be able to get back in so I went over to my friend’s house after they told us to leave.” Residents were allowed back into their homes just over 2 hours later. It is thought a number of gas cylinders were involved, which caused the hazard zone to be instigated. The fire destroyed several wooden fences across the houses. No one was injured.

Ben Watts

Fire causes residents’ removal All your recycling are belong to us

Le Nurb - March 2011

6 News

Blazing BRITs! Daisy Adamson This year’s sensational BRIT awards were held on the 15th February at the O2 arena and hosted by James Corden. The awards show, which has been running since 1977, played host to many of our amazing A-list celebrities, including Cheryl Cole and Fearne Cotton, who both presented awards. Take That opened the show as a five-piece band, performing their new single ‘Kidz,’ and left the show as winners of the ‘Best British Group’ category. Tinie Tempah and Arcade Fire came up tops at this year, receiving two awards each. Performances included internationally-renowned star Rihanna who sang a medley of songs from her number one album, Loud, and managed to win the Best International Female award. Adele performed ‘Someone Like You’ from her new album 21. The song went straight to number 1 in the iTunes chart following her performance. Arcade Fire, a seven-piece indie rock band from Montreal, Canada, performed ‘Ready to Start.’ The band walked away with awards for

both Best International Band and Best International Album. Tinie Tempah, the only act to be nominated for four awards this year, performed a medley of his songs, including ‘Written in the Stars,’ ‘Miami to Ibiza,’ and ‘Pass Out.’ The 22-year-old Londonborn rapper walked away with 2 of the awards he was nominated for (Best Single with ‘Pass Out,’ and Best British Breakthrough Act.) The singer posted on his twitter page, “Wowowow! So overwhelmed! Had the night of my life & got the 2 BRITs I’d wished for..The ones that were voted for by the fans! THANK YOU!” Other winners of the awards designed by Vivian Westwood were Plan B for Best Male Artist, Laura Marling for Female Artist. Best British Album of the Year went to Mumford and Sons. Other awards include: Critics’ Choice to Jessie J; Best Producer to Markus Dravs; Best International Breakthrough Act to Justin Bieber; and International Male Solo Artist to Cee Lo Green. All performances from this year’s BRITs are now available to buy on iTunes; proceeds go to the BRITs Trust Charity.

on Sunday 13th February. It was the British Academy of Film and Television Arts (BAFTA) awards, for which stars gathered underneath Lancashire County Council

The King’s Speech, nominated for 14 BAFTAs!

News 7

Libya turmoil continues


Shoruk Khaddour February 17th saw the revolutionary fire of the Arab world spread to Libya. Inspired by the revolutions in Egypt and Tunisia, Libyans took to the streets in the thousands all over Libya. The main objective? To ensure the resignation of Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, who over threw the old Libyan regime in a coup d’etat in 1969. He has been the leader of Libya since then. Since February 17th Gaddafi has done everything in his power to ensure the protests cease, enabling him to cling onto power. Reports that he hired foreign mercenaries from Ethiopia and

Kenya to kill the protesters have been confirmed by many news sources. Gaddafi himself as well as his son, have appeared on Libyan State TV denying this as well as denying that Libya was in chaos because of the protests. Foreign media and journalists were denied entrance into Libya until a couple of days ago, but only after Colonel Gaddafi had ensured the streets of Libya were clean and the buildings freshly painted. International reaction has been slow. Both the UN and the EU have “condemned” the use of violence against the Libyan people and America is now calling for sanctions to be imposed on Gaddafi and

his family, as well as trying him for war crimes in The Hague for this blatant genocide. Many Libyan ambassadors around the world have resigned in anger over the violence being used against the peaceful protesters. Libyans continue to fight. Cities like Benghazi, Albayda and Misratah are now in the hands of anti-Gaddafi protesters whilst Tripoli, the capital, is continuing the resistance against the tyrannical rule of this dictator. In his last speech to the nation Gaddafi said, “I cannot leave my country, I will die a martyr.” What is clear is that Gaddafi has nowhere to run and no friends to turn to. Correct at time of printing.

openDemocracy Colonel Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi, President of Libya

Schoolgirl “poisoned teachers’ kettle”

Our home-grown Cheryl Cole presented an award.

King’s Speech victorious Celebrate St Patrick’s Day! Hayley Baldwin Once again, another ceremony to praise the famous and fabulous was broadcast across the nation

March 2011 - Le Nurb

umbrellas onto the red carpet outside the Royal Opera House. The King’s Speech – starring Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush and Helen Bonhma Carter – won seven awards in total. The drama tells the story of the newly-appointed King George VI struggling with a stammer which deems him unfit as a king. The British film received a staggering fourteen nominations and was competing against other blockbusters such as Black Swan and The Social Network. However, it maintained its reign and won many awards, including Best Film, Outstanding British Film, Best Actor and Best Original Screenplay. Other awards included Best Director, which was presented to David Fincher for his work in The Social Network. Natalie Portman took Best Actress for her performance as a perfectionist ballerina in Black Swan, and Toy Story 3 took Best Animated Feature Film. The BAFTAs also commended the action film Inception. The brains behind the scenes won ‘Special Visual Effects’ and ‘Sound and Production Design’. BAFTAs may be over for another year, but the Oscars are just around the corner! The King’s Speech, Black Swan, The Social Network, and Inception will all be up for nomination again. It will be interesting to see how successful our British film will be across the pond! So I herd u liek recycling?

Bess Browning The 17th March marks St.Patrick’s Day, a national holiday in Ireland usually celebrated with a feast. However, Ireland isn’t the only nation to celebrate the festivities – London will host St.Patrick’s Day with a parade throughout the city. Though St. Paddy’s Day is actually on the 17th March, London will hold celebrations on the 13th with

free entertainment throughout the day in Trafalgar Square. The festival will take part from 11.30am-6pm and will include ceili dancing, traditional Irish music, celebrity MCs, and Irish speakers. It is unknown whether the speakers will speak before or after partaking of their sacred national beverage.

Xenia Coudrille A student from a school in Torbay, Devon has been arrested on suspicion of poisoning two of her teachers. The 17-year-old girl was arrested at her house and then later released on bail pending further questioning from Devon and Cornwall police. The supposed poisoning stemmed from a substance which had been found in a kettle in the school staffroom, resulting in two teachers complaining of nausea and stomach cramps. The complaint was made to an officer who was already present

after being called to a separate unrelated incident. Detective Constable Steve Fleetwood said: “The inquiry centres on claims that an allegedly noxious substance may have been put in a kettle which caused two members of staff to fall ill with stomach problems. We later arrested a 17-year-old girl on suspicion of poisoning. She was questioned in Torquay on Thursday and then released on bail pending further enquiries”. So far, the claims against the girl remain unsubstantiated, but police enquiries are ongoing. A

Andrew Kusnetsov

Andrew Kusnetsov If you hated your lecturers, would you?

Private universities to be approved

Tom Scott

Department for Business, Innovation and Skills Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

spokesman for the school said: “While investigations are ongoing, there is a limit to what we can say or do, but as soon as that investigation is completed, we will conduct our own inquiries to see whether we need to take any further action ourselves.” For now most of the details remain under wraps due to legal restrictions on confidentiality, although neither member of staff involved in the incident are understood to have suffered significant illness or permanent damage in the alleged poisoning.

David Willetts, Higher Education Minister, believes in the privatisation of higher education

Gaz Corfield Universities Minister David Willetts has announced that the government will not release its plans for the future of higher education until later this month. The White Paper, originally scheduled for release in March, will be delayed until May once Mr Willetts has seen how “price setting works this spring”. Under the government’s plans, private institutions will also be granted degree-awarding powers. It is thought that these institutions will be run along the same lines as Bucks New Uni. In a speech to vice-chancellors at Universities UK in Woburn House, London, Mr Willetts said the current system made it impossible for colleges to teach degrees on behalf of leading universities. Government proposals include adopting a “de-regulatory approach” and allowing further education colleges to affiliate to universities. Mr Willetts said: “Unless universities can prove that there will be a commensurate and very significant improvement in the education on offer, it is difficult to see how such an increase could ever be justified. Candlejack says recy

Aaron Porter, president of the National Union of Students, said it risked unfairly advantaging those whose parents could “flash their wallets” and buy their way into higher education. Ministers estimate universities will charge about £7,500 on average. Cambridge, Oxford and Imperial College have all announced their intention of charging the maximum tuition fees of £9,000 per annum. In a related development, more university places are to be made available for students who can afford to pay their tuition fees upfront and do not require help with living costs. The extra places, which would not count towards a university’s permitted annual quota of new students, are thought to be a method for ministers to increase places available without burdening the taxpayer. Sally Hunt, general secretary of the University and College Union, said: “David Willetts has spoken passionately about the need to safeguard the UK higher education system; however, his actions make a mockery of those previous promises.”

News In Brief Cheerleading win nationals Brunel’s cheerleading team won their national championships. Congratulations guys and gals!

Gnome alone 5000 garden gnomes were scattered across Liverpool street station to mark the release of the new film, Gnomeo and Juliet. The gnome flash mob was seen holding Oyster cards and mobile phones and, unlike everyone else at the station, seemed oddly happy to be taking public transport.

Load of rubbish A council in Newcastle has been questioned after asking householders to sort their rubbish into 9 different bins in order to promote recycling. The worst fear for people living in small flats is the struggle to find a place to store all the bins, which is ironic as most northern flats are full of rubbish anyway.

Chocolate is a fruit Researchers at the Hershey’s factory have discovered that chocolate is technically a type of fruit. Dark chocolate contains more antioxidants and polyphenols than most fruits, meaning that most people are getting much more than their 5-a-day.

Ladle beats tiger A Malaysian man has avoided certain death from a preying tiger after his wife beat the giant cat with a ladle. The man, who was out hunting, decided to run away and climb a tree to safety until his wife came to the rescue, armed with nothing more than the kitchen utensil.

Le Nurb - March 2011

8 Union News

President Priya pontificates... Priya Pallan This term seems to be busier than ever for UBS. With four campaigns and One World Week all in the next month we are buzzing! One of the biggest events in the spring term is coming up: the elections. It is astonishing how quickly an officer’s term flies, it feels like only yesterday I was running for VP Academic Representation in 2009. Have you ever considered running for an officer or chair position in UBS? If the thought has crossed your mind, even for a split second, I would strongly urge you to run. I can’t stress enough how amazing this opportunity has been. Over the past two years, first as VP then as President, I have been on a steep learning curve and developed numerous invaluable skills. I can even go so far as to say that I have learnt more in the

past two years about myself and human nature then I have in my life so far. I wouldn’t know where to begin in listing the events, activities and projects I have been involved with, it varies from high profile events such as the Feedback Bug, Freshers Week, OWW, the National Demo and FACE, to behind the scenes issues working with the University on setting policy and strategic planning; topics that will affect students for many years to come. No one day is ever the same as President, that is the best part of the role. One minute I’m sitting on University Council representing the student voice, and the next I’m hosting charity events like the fabulous Brunel’s Got Talent. As amazing as this role is, there are difficulties you have to face and conquer. As an elected representative I represent students with a wide variety of opinions and views. Trying to find the middle ground can be difficult, learning that you cannot please everyone is something I will take away with me from my

Varsity is coming!

time at UBS. Being involved in so many different things also means that I have a crazy work load and I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like to with students; learning how to organise your time, or ever harder, learning how to say ‘no’ is something you will have to learn over your term as an officer. Being the nominal head of a charity with a turnover of £1.5 million has its perks, the transferable skills I have gained makes my CV stand out and raises my employability which is so important in the current graduate environment. I’ll leave you with a piece of advice someone gave me before I came to university: the average person spends most of their life in a hamster wheel, being comfortable and doing things because that is the way it has always been done. By doing something different and stepping outside your comfort zone, only then can you truly grow as a human being. Pick up your nomination form today from UBS Reception.

Joel ‘Greenwood’ Brasher-Jones Hello Brunel! I hope you are all on top of your work, and had a good rest in your reading week, if you had one. This term is now in full swing, and as the exams draw nearer there is still lots to cheer about. Sports fixtures are coming to their end which means there will be joy with promotion and tears with relegation. This year has been superb for Brunel sport. We still have lots of teams in cup and league battles so, as always, I encourage people to go down and watch some sport. We also have the biggest competition of them all: Varsity, against our arch rivals St. Mary’s College. This battle will be on the 30th March, which is the last Wednesday of term, so there are no excuses not to watch! There is also the back end of the Give it a Go campaign, so

Sam Middlewood

Personal Tutoring at Brunel is being reviewed. The University and the Union are working in partnership to find out the views of both students and academics

with regard to what’s hot and what’s not when it comes to Personal Tutoring. For many students, having a Personal Tutor doesn’t mean a lot.

(continued from cover)




...Personal Tutor ing is a key developme nt too


u with rs can assist yo ...Personal Tuto an? Pl t en pm lo ve De your Personal ...Personal Tutors are the best peop le to talk to if you don’t feel you’re on trac k? ...your Personal Tutor should be your academic point of contact during your entire time at Brunel?

you n help rms? tor ca fo u s T e l c a n an Perso cumst ...your igating Cir it with M

...your Personal Tutor can give you a reference for that graduate job? ...your Pers onal Tutor is there to SU you? You sh PPORT ould meet re gularly to ke them up to ep date.

...the University and Union are working together to review Personal Tutoring. Wh at would work best for you?

HAVE YOUR SAY AT brunelstu den

Ceiling cat is watching you recycle

More students than we would like still don’t know who their Personal Tutor is, and some of these have even made it to their final year. This is bad news indeed! A Personal Tutor is there to support you as a student. They are the first point of contact that you have with any academic matters. If you are one of these students who doesn’t know who your Tutor is, or they haven’t really improved anything for you, or helped you develop while you’ve been here then use your voice: Take a few minutes to answer some questions, and tell the University how you want your Personal Tutoring system on your course to be. There is a lot more to Personal Tutoring than someone who gives you your reference (although obviously this is something they do), but how can they give you a fantastic reference to secure that job if they don’t know you? Developing the relationship will your Tutor is key, and if there are barriers in the way of you getting to know them the University needs to know: Take the time to give your opinions, and things change for the better. This is my priority campaign for the year, and I can’t do it without your help. Without you it won’t be the success it needs to be. For current students, for future students, for Brunel, use your voice on Personal Tutoring. FIND OUT MORE

Union News 9

Global Poverty Project to visit Brunel

get involved in those activities at the start of March. If you have not had a go at anything then please do. Remember, all the activities are FREE! RAG will be holding a pirate invasion this term. For those of you who don’t know what a pirate invasion is, it a mass of Brunel students invading another student union, raising money for charity. Sign up will be at UBS reception and places go quickly. The destination is a surprise!!! Easter is coming so that can mean only two things. Revision and tour. For those lucky enough to go on tour I advise that you set out your revision out carefully. You will struggle to do any while you’re out there because there’s so much going on! Good luck to all sports teams and societies putting on events!

Middlewood launches new personal tutoring campaign Hopefully as you read this you will be seeing, or have seen, the I Love My Personal Tutor campaign posters, and maybe even completed a short survey on the topic.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Martin Zaranyika

60% of them are women. This is horrifying considering that women make up a little over half of the world’s population. If these statistics really speak to you and feel like you want to do something to help eradicate this epidemic, you’ll be glad to hear that during One World Week, the Brunel Campaigns Chair and his team have worked closely with the Law, Politics and other societies and clubs to help get in one of the leading groups campaigning to end extreme world poverty, The Global Poverty Project, to come in and give their famous and effective 1.4 Billion Reasons presentation on the 8th March 2011. The event will run from 5pm to 7pm and will be held at the Howell Theatre in room H001. Please come along, everyone is welcome and it’s on a first come, first seated basis.

Feb SA meeting Shocking tactics of local letting agent uncovered Tom Scott

Officers, Chairs, Trustees, members of Student Assembly and Ben Moxey (Chairman) all met at 6pm on Thursday 24th February in the University’s Council Chamber. The meeting was declared quorate with 28 members present. After members dealt with arising matters from previous meetings, Assembly members presented their motions for debate. Firstly, Tom Scott (Media Chair) presented a motion to amend Bylaw H in the UBS Constitution, which governs the Media Committee, Le Nurb and Radio Brunel. Peter Smallwood then presented two amendments to the motion that he felt were necessary to allow a free press at Brunel, including a section about freedom of speech. Assembly narrowly voted in favour of this addition and another addition is to be presented at the March meeting. Assembly then voted in favour of the overall motion for amending Bylaw H. Next, Priya Pallan (SU President) then presented a motion to commend assembly member Keith Fung for his outstanding contribution to establishing Brunel’s AIESEC, classing him as “the definition of what a student assembly should be like.” Student Assembly voted overwhelmingly in favour of the commendation. Hadrian Tulk then presented his motion to lobby the University for the establishment of a co-operative retail outlet. This motion failed at

January’s meeting due to a lack of knowledge on Hadrian’s behalf. However, after discussion with the VP Academic Representation (Sam Middlewood), the motion was presented to Assembly with updated information and was passed. The final motion was presented by Will Armstrong (Environmental Chair) who wanted the Union to support the campaign against the trading of tar sand oil with Europe. Whilst most Assembly members did support the idea, many felt that not enough information was given, with an emergency meeting being proposed. However due to both time constraints and quoracy issues, the motion was eventually passed to avoid this emergency meeting. Finally on the agenda was the election of assembly members onto Union committees. Zein Owfar requested to be removed from both the Disciplinary and Elections and Referendum Committees, which was accepted. Ben Vallely, Ben Moxey and Sarah Forey were elected onto the Elections and Referendum Committee. Paul Dunn, Ben Vallely and James Ward were elected onto the Disciplinary Panel. Finally, Martin Zaranyika was elected onto the Appointments Committee in support of the SU President. The meeting ended with the celebration of Tasha Shackell’s 22nd birthday and the next meeting is due to take place on Thursday 31st March at 6pm. Any student may attend an Assembly meeting; for more information email


The ARC have recently seen a number of students who are either currently renting or have rented properties last year via the local letting agents ROYCE. Students have been ripped off because the Royce letting agency failed to protect their deposits and failed to be transparent about their fees and charges. Students were faced with extraordinarily high fees, lost their holding deposits and had great difficulties in negotiating with the agents. You do not have to put up with this! The ARC have been working closely with the London Borough of Hillingdon and the Trading Standards office who have begun investigating Royce If you have had any problems with Royce please make sure you provide evidence to either the ARC or Trading Standards so that you can resolve your problems.

Royce are currently carrying out actions which may constitute criminal offences. If you rented a property via Royce and had difficulties with them, then please give a statement to Trading Standards who are currently building a court case against Royce. Unless you come forward and are prepared to give information to Trading Standards then Royce will still be in operation and even more students will be out of pocket. Trading Standards have confirmed that they can accept information and statements from two groups: - those who are prepared to make a statement but ask for confidentiality; their names are never revealed to Royce. - those who are happy for their names to be known and who can make a statement which might be used in court. The more non-confidential statements, the better and stronger the case against Royce will be. Unless you put your money where your mouth is and provide the statements, Royce will continue to  target – and rip off – students. We would strongly urge all students who have had any dealings with Royce to contact Trading Standards as soon as possible. Their contact details are: Stephen Pearson, Trading Standards Service Environment and Consumer Protection Group London Borough of Hillingdon, 3S/01, Civic Centre High Street, Uxbridge, UB8 1UW Phone 01895 277453 / Fax 01895 277443 Email If you are still unsure please contact the Advice and Representation Centre (01895  269169;  to have a chat with one of our advisers about this with no obligation. All matters are dealt with in confidence.

WRITE FOR US! Le Nurb accepts submissions from any Brunel student. See page 2 to find out how to get involved!

Yo dawg, I herd you like recycling, so I put recycling in your recycling so you can recycle while you recycle

Le Nurb - March 2011

10 Radio Brunel

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Features 11

NUS membership is a luxury we can’t afford From the Studio: Featured Shows Unsigned

Sam Lester It’s that time again and I’m writing another introduction to the Radio Brunel section of Le Nurb! Continuing our amazing year we’re happy to announce the launch of Unsigned, a brand new show presented by James Innes (from Saturday Mornings) which aims to support some of the best new talent from Brunel and the wider UK music scene. Watch out for interviews with unsigned bands and the best of the new music on Radio Brunel. Give it a listen - it’s really very good. I’d also like to invite you to join us at Radio Brunel. We’re currently planning the team for next year so watch out for a new campaign that aims to get more of you involved in every aspect of the station. Thanks for listening and if you’ve got any feedback to give us (or you just want to say hi) just get in touch via the website remember it’s your Radio Brunel, we couldn’t do it without you! To find more info and to listen live, visit us online at

Every Sunday 7-8pm James Innes (from Saturday Mornings) presents the latest unsigned bands and under-theradar music. With live interviews and great music this is one show you can’t afford to miss.

Straight Flava

Every Wednesday 9-10pm Each week, Aaron and Ibrahim present Straight Flava In Your Ear, the best source for smooth grooves and straight bangers, with the latest R&B, bashment and funky house.

Don’t Panic

Every Wednesday, 7-8pm Every Wednesday night, Chloe, Michaela and Mark enjoy great music, topical chats and witty highlights, including their weekly invention, which makes the world a better place!

For the full Radio Brunel schedule visit:

45-second Literature James Keal 3guys1mic is a small West London based audio conglomerate. The three guys are Josh (lives near a playground), Sam (invented the word ‘Vicarious’) and James (raised by kittens). Each week 45 seconds of perfection are laid bare and excreted into the audio veins in the form of an audioplay. Audioplays are not to be confused with pregnancy tracking iPhone apps. Here’s an audioplay titled ‘A Haddock Wanders’. Please do not feed the haddock: Darius was a haddock. Darius was a healthy haddock, thus was unsmoked. Darius had always been a resident of southern Bristol, as his parents had moved there when he was very young to follow the work. Of course, he was not born in the West Countr y as he was a haddock and that would be

ridiculous. Darius had a Japanese post man called Mei Ling. Every morning he would sit by the front door awaiting his subscription of Masala Weekly. He would then peck Mei Ling’s hand as it protruded through the letterbox. “Owwweewa!” Mei Ling would scream. And that is why Brighton Pier burnt down. That’s the audio play for this time, hope you enjoyed it! Check out more audio banter from the 3guys1mic team every Wednesday, 5-7pm.

Music Review: Tourist History by Two Door Cinema Club Josh Harrington Welcome to the music bit, this is the last second content that I threw together which is intended to amuse, interest and above all titillate you. This will hopefully lead you to a brief and concise exclamation at how hilarious you have found me, this exclamation can often be summarised as “lol”. Soon comes the point at which I share my views about the album in this form of communication which although ancient is not without flaws, you cannot argue that my views are entirely or in part, wrong, which they might well be. So I have had an idea, if you read this article and want to give me some feedback then please do, email me music@, tar. Right here we go with the meat, as she said vicariously. The review this week is of an upand-coming, love that phrase, band known as Two Door Cinema Club and their new(ish) album, “Tourist History”, released 1st March 2010. Let’s begin at the beginning,

with the first song of the album, “Cigarettes In The Theatre”. It is, in my opinion, an excellent footstomping song which makes you that little bit happier for having listened to it. There are a number of songs which simply seem to meld together on the album and this could be seen as a serious failure. However, instead I believe its quite a positive quality, it shows that they have directed the album very carefully. This direction has given the album an essence, its some of the happiest Indie music I’ve ever listened to. It might not be your cup of tea but you can hopefully appreciate the album for its soft and gentle nature, its a pleasure to listen to. There are a number of songs which stand out as favourites for me, ones that make you bounce along no matter whether you hear them in a Club or they turn up on your iTunes. The lyrics might not be quite on a par with those in a Shakespearian production but I don’t think that’s what they were

Two Door Cinema Club really going for. Instead the words are easily followable, both in terms of sing-along-ability and in terms of morality. I’m jabbering again, sorry. Here we go with those favourites I was on about. “Something Good Can Work”, but why? Its for a reason I mentioned earlier, cheeriness. It’s happy, it’s nice; makes you feel all warm inside. “I Can Talk”, again you must be thinking, why?! It’s the balance between the choruses Polluted planet? DO NOT WANT!

and verses in this song that work so well together, the verses are in some parts quite lowly which then allow the chorus sections to seem much better and well sculpted than they might do in another setting. “Undercover Martyn”, my definite favourite song on the album. Alex Trimble’s pure and hauntingly beautiful voice can be heard best here. Also the video is a lot of fun and reminds me of the Mystery Jets’ “Young Love”. “Eat

That Up, It’s Good For You”, this quiet song seems to capture their essence really well, its not over confident or showy just allows you to tune into what I assume their brainwaves sound like. The album is worth a listen from beginning to end, no song is easily skippable. Anyway, don’t let my views sway you in any direction, make your own choices and your own favourites. Go enjoy it.

Gaz Corfield With the National Union of Students’ leadership dissolving into rival factions in the wake of the failed tuition fees demonstrations, should UBS renew its affiliation in the next academic year? Everyone remembers the demonstrations organised by the National Union of Students (NUS) in the run-up to Parliament’s vote on lifting the cap on tuition fees. Although the NUS “consistently condemned” the violence in the 10th November and 24th November protests, it is that, along with the attack on the Prince of Wales’ car, which the student protests are remembered for. It won’t surprise anyone that UBS is affiliated to the NUS. What will surprise you, however, is the cost of this affiliation: £44,874 in the year 2009/10. Put another way, that sum would fully subsidise almost 5 student places under the new £9,000 tuition fees regime. The main benefits of NUS membership, as explained to me by ex-UBS president Nat Foster a year ago, are training courses and national conferencing opportunities for our full-time sabbatical officers (priced at £600); the NUS Extra discount card (which costs you £11); and a chance to send delegates to the annual NUS conference, where the union’s policies and campaigns for the year are voted upon. In addition to these, there are also commercial deals available for things like bar stock, stash and favourable rates with outside companies. However, from personal experience I know that the NUS’s favoured suppliers aren’t particularly good. I placed the first Le Nurb of this year with the NUS’s preferred printing company, who I shall not name here. I was shocked when the invoice came back; despite switching from high quality glossy magazine stock to newsprint (which is one of the cheapest grades of paper you can buy) we were still paying more or less the same price. On phoning around for quotes, I was even more surprised to discover other companies quoting us about 30% less per print run. You won’t be surprised to learn that we changed print suppliers for November’s issue! However, despite their massively inflated prices, the NUS’ services arm claims to be able to save money for student unions by encouraging them to trade through them. Whilst UBS does own a (very small) share in NUS Services Ltd, the company claimed to have saved UBS £44,879 last year. Put another way, our affiliation fees (£44,874) minus the purported “savings” (£44,879) gives us a net benefit of just £5 over the year. Why bother? The NUS also suffers from

a serious democratic deficit. Although the organisation claims to represent students across the country, when was the last time you personally voted for an NUS candidate? That’s right, you never have. You elect your “NUS Delegates” from UBS, who then go to the NUS national conference and vote there on your behalf. Unless you specifically take the time to find out who the candidates are, and then lobby your delegates to vote for one of them, you (the ordinary student who NUS claims to represent) are kept well away from the ‘democratic’ process. As the trade unions of this country, such as the Universities and

Although the NUS claims to represent students across the country, when was the last time you personally voted for an NUS candidate?” College Lecturers Union and Unite, allow all of their rank-and-file members to vote directly for their favoured candidates, it’s plain that there is no political will within the NUS hierarchy for their people to make themselves accountable to those they represent. Do we call this corruption, this deliberate separation of the wannabe political class from its electorate? I’ll let you decide for yourself. Finally, we have the NUS’s total failure over the tuition fees vote. Aaron Porter, NUS President, failed

Michael James Shaw Aaron Porter, President of the NUS. Is his leadership really worth £40,000 of our money? to influence MPs to vote against the Bill which allows the raising of tuition fees to £9,000. Instead, he presided over a single march through London (the rest were organised by shady groups such as the Education Activist Network, who have no apparent means of

support or funding) and spent the rest of his time ineffectually bleating about violence. When he made a rare public appearance in Manchester, racist abuse (“Tory Jew”) was hurled at him and he needed a police escort out of the area for his own safety.

If this is what our national voice does on our behalf – organises marches that ruin the public perception of students, fails to influence the political process to our advantage, and fails to provide a material benefit to us – then we are far better off out of it.


Friday April 29th 2011 tickets: £40 // available now available from I am in your base recycling your d00ds

Le Nurb - March 2011

12 Features

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Features 13

‘Big Society’? It sounds like gibberish to me! Sharna Lee Heir Sharna looks at the newlyelected Tory-led government and discusses whether Cameron’s ‘Big Society’ is a big load of nothing. Since David Cameron grasped the reins in May 2010, it’s fair to say politics was trying to revamp itself. The idea of the ‘Big Society’ came to our attention last year, or maybe it didn’t? The point is, what does it want from us? It seems to be subjecting our society to some undesirable repercussions. I question whether or not their regimes really target the right people. Or, are we being foolishly blinded by gibberish? One minute I’m interested in the Big Society, and then I’m not. Politics is excruciatingly tedious; it’s monotonous and dull reality suppresses the joy of life itself. Have you ever wondered where our money goes? Are you upto-date with the government’s principles? Maybe you just can’t find the time to care? Well, I certainly wouldn’t blame you. The coalition government could be labelled a lot of things. What it is not, is impressive. Politicians sing to the crack of dawn about ‘what will happen’. Well I say actions speak louder than words. I wonder why volunteers are being targeted over businesses. I spoke to Jackie Sear, founder and chief executive of Empowering Action and Social Esteem (EASE), to get her take on the Big Society.

What is your understanding of The Big Society? “The big society is the government’s reinvention of what the voluntary sector has been doing for years. It is local people taking an active interest and involvement in their community taking more responsibility in the environment, services, activities, and even take over the running of local provision.” How well do you feel David Cameron is getting his idea across? “I don’t believe the ideas are getting across, in my opinion the timing is wrong as the financial cuts in the voluntary sector are having a massive impact on the sector’s ability to survive.” To what extent do you feel the Big Society is covering up the budget cuts by getting volunteers/ voluntary sectors to support? “The problem is that Conservatives do not live in the areas (like Copley). Working with residents is a long term project; they will need at least 5 years to prepare residents on estates to do this. They are not prepared to put in the investment and are making financial decisions that are having a detrimental impact on the individuals and groups in the community.” To what extent do you feel the people who are not responsible for the financial crisis are the ones who will be suffering the most due to the cuts? “Absolutely, have a look at the Robin Hood Tax campaign. If the government taxed a small percentage extra on the banks

they would make enough money to prevent the massive cuts that are reaching the people most in need; organisations being cut are under more pressure than ever.”

What is the Big Society? The Big Society revolves around the concept of volunteers and voluntary organisations being in the “driving seat” (as Nick Clegg described) of public services. Prime Minister David Cameron first brought about the idea for the Big Society last year. However, it failed to kick start and has landed its debut this year.

Do you feel those who are responsible for the financial crisis are expected to be part of the Big Society in the same way as others? “There is some talk about private sponsorship, but as I understand it there will be a big society bank where groups can apply for loans and this will be funded by private investors. I don’t believe that the take up by private companies has been good, and I don’t expect Cameron to put pressure on those organisations that are his allies for the sake of communities like ours.” Has EASE been directly affected, and if so, how? “We have had to cut our youth services and after-school clubs; we have tightened our working practices and spending, and have not received funding through applications to grant giving organisations because of the increased competition. EASE also believes that this is an opportunity for a different way of working. Partnership working has always been the keys to our success and we believe it is this partnership that will help us ride the storm. As an organisation as a whole, we seem large and rich to funders, but the reality is the individual projects are running on a shoestring. We are looking at different business models to ensure that we can continue to deliver the same level and quality of service.”

Round two. Ding, ding. On 10th February 2011, Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, delivered a speech on the future of the public and outlined the main principles.

Equality Clegg commented that he is “passionate about equal opportunities,” and will “never accept the idea that it’s ok for children from poorer backgrounds to do worse at school than their wealthier classmates.” According to him, “public services are the key to unlocking the potential of every child.”

Failing standards Clegg feels “we are a wealthy nation,” so “why do we allow our public services to fall behind?” Surely that’s something he should be answering. “British people deserve world-standard public services.”

Unresponsiveness David Cameron: Champion of the Big Society. I spoke to members of the public to get their views on ‘The Big Society’ and the Coalition. “It is not fair to expect more from those who are more needy.” “They are right to bring change. We needed change. But I think it could have been implemented better.”

Tea, coffee, hot chocolate? Ben Smith Step out of the academy after twelve on a Friday night, and you may be surprised to see a small group of coat-wearing students huddled around a few pushedtogether tables. The students will be serving a range of hot drinks and biscuits; the recipients will be boys shivering in tight T-shirts, with girls trembling in even tighter dresses. Steam rises above their heads; the servers press down on silver thermos flasks, handing out another drink before picking up a cup in readiness for the next order. The Christian Union has been doing its weekly hot drinks stall

for several years now. The origin of the event is beyond the memory of even the oldest current members – there is a photo in the Meeting House of two young people with some familiar-looking flasks, their hair already dating them back to the nineties. My first experience of the event was as a Fresher. I’d been turned off by the clubbing, but wasn’t keen to spend my first nights at Brunel alone in my room – I remember the crush of students in the concourse, crowding around the table and gabbling orders for drinks I’d never made before, spitting out more reasons for (dis)belief in God than I could handle. It was a way of engaging with people that I’d never experienced – a sharing in something so simple, and yet sometimes so profound. Forward a year and a bit. I’ve been out in the cold at least forty

times. I’ve met a whole range of people: undergrads, post-grads, old duffers on their way back home from the pub. I’ve seen guys with their heads between their knees on benches; I’ve seen girls crawling over the paving slabs on all fours. I’ve reached a record of six layers of clothing (T-shirt, hoodies and coats), and I’ve heard some very sad things from students whose openness, I’m sure, was not entirely caused by drink. And then afterwards, every time, I’ve tramped home with my housemate at three a.m., to collapse into bed until the sunlight brings me back into consciousness. Why do we do this? That’s the question on most peoples’ lips – especially when they discover it’s free. “What? No way. I’ve got to give you something.” Recycling is not a meme

Apparently, “we can and must do more, harnessing choice and flexibility as the catalyst for better services.” When I see it, I’ll believe it.

I’m pretty sure there’s been at least one occasion when we’ve had to stop someone drunkenly giving us the contents of their wallet. But, yes, the drinks are free.

“In the small hours of the morning, with no work to cloud our minds and no music to mask our thoughts, perhaps there’s a unique space to consider who we are and where, if anywhere, we’re going.” And they’ll stay that way. The second thing most people do is look at the banner in front of the table and say, “Oh, okay. The

“I don’t understand why everyone is so bothered about politics and the government; people get so wound up and end up pointlessly stressing themselves out.” “I’d be lying if I said I understand what is going on.” “I don’t think it is fair for the

government to increase student fees. They are poor enough as it is, without having to owe what they do not have.” It is unclear whether the Big Society will positively impact the right people. Fixating the Big Society towards voluntary organisations and not businesses

Christian Union.” Things can go either way from there: perhaps the student will just want to finish their drink and be off – which is fine – or perhaps they’ll stick around and have a chat. We’ll talk about anything, really – our courses, workloads, music, the existence of God... Why do we do this? We do this because we believe that the God revealed in Jesus Christ is someone intensely interested in ordinary people and ordinary places. If that’s the case, we want to have this attitude too. What you learn, however clichéd this may sound, is that no two people are the same. Everyone has their own beliefs, their own hopes and their own fears. Perhaps there’s something about the sheer strangeness of the setting that makes us look harder at ourselves, and what we’re doing. In the small hours of the morning, with no work to cloud our minds and no music to mask our thoughts, perhaps there’s a unique space to consider who

we are and where, if anywhere, we’re going – in which case I gain as much from this time as anyone else. Whatever way you want to look at it, the CU will be out again this Friday at twelve. Once more, we’ll be making up the drinks, and, once more, we’ll be aiming to share the love we’ve found in the person of Jesus Christ – whether that’s through something as simple as handing someone a cup of coffee, or as involved as explaining what He means to us. Feel free to join us – whether this is the first time you’ve said hello, or whether you’ve come over several times before. Because, in the end, this is where we think Jesus would be if He were in bodily form on earth today – not stuck in a church somewhere, staring at the stained glass windows, but on the concourse where real life happens, as the human beings He loves stumble around and swear and enjoy a bit of conversation on a cold winter’s night.

seems like an attempt to pull the wool over our eyes. Why should charitable organisations be burdened with the government’s mistakes? Of all people, it is certainly not their responsibility to pick up the pieces. Targeting volunteers may not necessarily be the right way out of a difficult

economic climate. I’m certainly not is a right way certainly saying wrong way.

Furthermore, saying there however, I’m there is a

Affordability This is where it gets tricky; Clegg has a solution: “The state must intervene to allocate money on a fair basis, to guarantee equality of access in our schools and hospitals.” He further explains the concept of “Community Right to Challenge,” which allows “communities and charities to trigger a procurement exercise for local public services.” This will not be extended to “challenge to businesses.”

It was a dark and stormy night...and tea was served. Bitches don’t know bout my recycling

That’s an easy one. People who know me seem to know who I am – so, obviously, I must be the person they know. They recognise me by my physical appearance, by my voice, my personality, maybe even by the smell of the detergent I use to wash my clothes. They know me as a son, a partner, a student, a friend, a colleague, a stranger, the Brunel Brain Awareness Week administrator… It’s easy to understand ourselves through the perceptions of others. Things get more complicated, however, when we try to think of ourselves independently of our social lives. Indeed, would the ‘I’ in me even exist without you? Some would propose that ‘I’ am immaterial. Potentially, the entire physical world (including our brains) is a demonically-imposed illusion; the fact that ‘I’ can think about this, no matter how illusory the world is, means that ‘I’ do in fact exist on some ethereal plane. Nevertheless, the fact that numerous cases exist where injury to the brain has resulted in drastic changes to an individual’s personality,

“I wonder: what will ‘I’ look like after another two hundred years of neuroscience?” few thousand volts through them, I would create a hungry sentient being. After all, I’d just be replacing carbon with steel. Some contend that we will never know the true nature of our

subjective conscious experience - or indeed how ‘I’ can ruminate upon my eating habits - because the complexities of the brain outweigh its intelligence. These sceptics, whilst not denying that mind is bound to the physical, argue that the very cognition we wish to elucidate is paradoxically the constraint to its elucidation – and that science could never explain what it ‘feels like’ to see red or taste a cup of coffee. Whilst an entirely possible prediction, it is in fact an empirical error to demarcate something as unsolvable just because it is as yet unsolved. If perception, action, attention and memory were fully explained, who’s to say that there would be something left out?

Maybe ‘I’ am incompatible with the physical sciences because ‘I’ have been misconceived… After all, the physical sciences would have a hard time trying to explain the nature of ‘vital spirits’ – which did ‘exist’ in the Middle Ages, but have since been explained away by hundreds of years of biological research. I wonder: what will ‘I’ look like after another two hundred years of neuroscience? Attempting to bridge this explanatory gap between brain activity and our experience of the world are the contributors to Brunel’s first ever Brain Awareness Week. An initiative of the Dana Alliance for Brain Initiatives, Brain Awareness Week is the international campaign to increase public awareness about

Avoiding card fraud: it’s a good idea Liam Reynolds

Card fraud is an increasingly problematic crime as banking becomes more accessible. It is an extremely unpleasant experience, as Liam describes. Imagine the end to a perfect weekend: you have been out with your partner or friends just having a good time, maybe to see a film, a nice dinner, even a little spot of shopping. You check your e-mail – surely no harm in seeing who has sent you a little message? You notice an urgent e-mail from your bank, informing you that your account will be deactivated due to a series of invalid online log-ins. You start to panic, and rightly so. You blindly follow the link and type your card details into their allocated areas. You hit go. It doesn’t go. Nothing goes. A message in red font informs you that your details are incorrect. You try again. And again. And again. Nothing. Going back to check your e-mail, you realise, through a haze of confusion and worry, that it’s a set up and you have been royally mugged.

Card fraud can hit you in your own home these days. People can manipulate and frighten you into giving your details through false pretences. I am one of these fools so morosely inclined as to sign away my own money into the hands of, what I would call, a ‘lazy mugger.’ In the good old days, people would at least have the decency to – heavy handily, I might add – take the card from you. The term ‘cyber-mugging’ is something that has often frightened me more than being mugged out in the open, another situation I have unfortunately been unlucky enough to have experienced.

Now I know what you are thinking: “Oh, here we go, I’m going to wait for hours on end losing more money on this call than I will from my account.” To most students this is an actual possibility; however, these lines are developed to address your enquiry as quickly as possible. Simply state to them what has happened and bang you are on the record. Go to your branch and inform them of your situation, have a new card sent to you and it’s done. For those of you who are unlucky enough to have very quick-fingered muggers, you will need to fill out a series of forms that state you have been a victim of fraud and you have lost

X amount of money. That money may take time to get to you, but at least you know it is on the way. You can also be smarter and get clued-up on what you can do to avoid being a victim of fraud. Firstly, at an ATM, always shield your pin – memorise where your numbers are on the pad and put your wallet or hand over it. This will stop any cameras from picking up your pin and nabbing your funds. Secondly, when shopping online, make sure the website you are using is secure. You will find a little padlock at the top right hand corner of the website to indicate whether this is so. Although you cannot guarantee whether

your numbers will be pinched, it shows that the website offers a security from these issues. As well as this, when shopping online, most banks will offer you a smart check system. What this means is when you make a transaction on any website, a screen will appear asking you to enter random numbers or letters of your password. Obviously, without the full password there’s no stealing, which is good for you and bad for the cheeky so-and-so who is attempting to have his or her way with your valuables.

MONDAY 21 FEBRUARY 13:00 Nominations Open

WEDNESDAY 2 MARCH 13:00-14:30 - ACADEMY, HAMILTON CENTRE Thinking of Standing Workshop

TUESDAY 8 MARCH 13:00 Nominations Close

TUESDAY 8 MARCH 18:00-20:00 - LC061, LECTURE CENTRE Candidates’ Briefing

MONDAY 14 - SUNDAY 20 MARCH Campaign Week

TUESDAY 15 MARCH 18:00 - UBS ATRIUM, HAMILTON CENTRE Candidates’ Question Time

Candidates for President, Vice-President Community Welfare, Media Association Chair, RAG Team Chair, Societies Guild Chair, and Sports Federation Chair.

THURSDAY 17 MARCH 18:00 - UBS ATRIUM, HAMILTON CENTRE Candidates’ Question Time

Candidates for Student Trustee, Vice-President Academic Representation, Vice-President Student Activities, Academic Diversity Chair, Campaigns Chair, Environmental Strategy Chair, Equality & Diversity Chair, Volunteering Chair, and World Students Chair.






In the good old days, people would at least have the decency to take the card from you.

No worries, though, you’re not alone in your time of need. Help is at hand! What you need to do is call the bank and inform them of your situation and they will put you through to the appropriate line.


01 1

As Brunel’s first ‘Brain Awareness Week’ approaches, Sean Williams asks: “WHO AM I?”

the progress and benefits of brain research. Since 1996, around 2,600 schools, universities, and hospitals from 82 countries, including many institutions across the UK, have participated in this week-long celebration of the brain. The first Brunel contribution to this event is jointly organised by Dr. Alex Nowicky from the School of Health Sciences and Social Care, as well as Dr. Adrian Williams and Dr. Andrew Parton from the School of Social Sciences. This public event will provide a series of short talks, posters and demonstrations designed to promote brain health and showcase Brunel’s own contributions to neuroscience research. Ultimately, neuroscientists aim to document how ‘I’ am affected by the structure and function of the brain. Accordingly, you will find talks on the science of magic, the scientific study of consciousness, dyslexia, dyscalculia (the maths equivalent of dyslexia), pain perception, and many more! If you have ever wanted to know more about one of the most complex organisations of matter in the universe, then this event is for you. The series of talks will take place in the Darwin Room in the Hamilton Centre on Tuesday 15th & Thursday 17th March 2011; 13:00-18:00. Feel free to pop-in at anytime. For a detailed schedule of events, visit or e-mail

lec tio ns 2

Sean Williams

destroyed previous memories, and sparked delusions, suggests that ‘I’ am engendered from physical processes. My brain is composed primarily of oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. In turn, these atoms are derived from differing configurations of quarks and leptons. In fact, every single object in the universe is a composite of these elementary particles. So then, how can ‘I’ think about what I want for tea, whilst the chair I’m sitting on can’t? Is it simply because my chair doesn’t need to eat to survive? A single neuron, akin to my chair, can’t think anything. However, when billions of these interconnected brain cells send electrical impulses back-and-forth, ‘I’ somehow start being able to think of ways to satiate my hunger. Maybe if I welded a few billion metal chairs together, before sending a

Centrespread 15


The Brain that ate the ‘I’ in ‘Me’

March 2011 - Le Nurb


Le Nurb - March 2011

14 Features


! R E W O P


Final Voting



Results expected any time after midnight. Your password strength is weak, old man

Oh god how did recycling memes get here I am not good with computer

Not recycling is similar to dividing by zero, if you do it the world will end

Le Nurb - March 2011

16 Centrespread

One World Week is an events packed week aiming to celebrate Brunel’s Community through appreciation and understanding, the week will be held from March 7th – 11th 2011 at Brunel University. During these 5 days, Brunel Campus comes alive through a series of parades and performances, Cultural exhibitions and Workshops, debates and discussions, a whole host of Sports and games, as well as celebrations and night events all catered towards celebrating our community – whether this be Brunel, local, national or global.   It is an entirely non-profit initiative, involving the whole of campus, staff and students alike, in its aim to encourage awareness of and positive action on issues which affect our One World.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Full Programme

Throughout the week... Brunel wishing Well - Atrium UBS RAG will join Brunel’s Catering department during One World Week in raising money to supply a Brunel University pump to provide fresh water to people living in remote parts of Africa. So part with your change and make a wish!

Tuesday 8th - International womens day

Monday 7th - Campaigning for Burma

The Union aims to co

ntribute the followi

ng during the week

: “increase Engagem ent and cohesion in the celebration of Br “create a fun, inclusiv unel’s diverse comm e and engaging Envir unity”, onment to improve Experience” and the student and sta ff “to encourage stude nts and staff alike to sh ar e their unique experie Educate others to cu nces, and help to ltures often different to their own”

One World... One Brunel

The Burma Play a comedy of terror at Brunel University.

Howell Building, Brunel University Advance Tickets £4 Staff and £3 student – can be purchased at the UBS Reception (Hamilton Building) or Online via For ticket information Further information

A popular entertainer struggles to restore his damaged memory by going over his life and times, and those of his country. All he can recall is darkness and fear. His colleague pushes him to face the past. Re-playing their repertoire of gags, wordplay and sketches prompts blazing insights into his present circumstances. Along the way, Burma’s history is told in a series of ingenious quick-cutting scenes, in turn darkly funny, poignant, and tragic.

tsman omic” The Sco i-c ag tr tly an efi “D

Canada vs. Kenya (ICC Cricket world cup) - Locos

12 - 6pm Photo exhibition: “Even though I am free I am not” – Atrium Award winning exhibition by James Mackey who travelled the world to photograph former Burmese prisoners of conscience. They ask for what most of us take for granted: freedom and human rights 12 - 6pm 1 - 1.30pm 3 - 3.30pm 5 - 8pm 6 - 7pm 8 - 9pm 7pm 8pm 10pm

Make your own Carnival costume – Atrium (Free) Mandarin Language class – LC005 (Free) Czech Language class – LC015 (Free) Film screening: This Prison Where I Live and Burma VJ – Academy (Free) Release a candle on the Pond for Political Prisoners in Burma - The Pond (Free) UBS Give it a go: Free Judo session – Exercise studio (Free) Mardi Gras pre Flirt party - Locos Blackpool vs. Chelsea (Barclays Premier League) – Locos UBS Presents @ The Academy Flirt Mardi Gras // £3.50ADV

r, perf a write ing to o s t n le do ta g of the they are Sandit in a ld h e w m superb elieve in hor Pam with Play is a ho obviously b of theatre. Aut a m r assion u B tor w arian p story. ning “The c e it e v n ir e a d l u m d f hu er an er formers oving and pow ly research and ths to unfold h ma from u r m o la a B m o f e t h y o ur sc into crea a histor ive, vulnerable mbined utting words s o e c t s a a ic h n ford ift for p ated, commu nded, n, sensit some g id Bowe table and grou pd v u a ly D t . an awe t n n a e oles.” ru y, const the pres ptimistic, insc ook on many r o t n The pla io t t o olonisa aynes, mlessly British c tile, and Cilla B mers who sea r sa fo and ver wo superb per t bria e h m t u e r we il, C a M g n Eveni

Northern International Theatre’s touring production of The Burma Play is supported by The Co-operative Bank. The bank’s Ethical Policy excludes finance to oppressive regimes; it considers Burma a special case for action and declines to provide financial services to the regime or to any company with a significant presence in that country.

India vs. Holland (ICC Cricket world cup) – Locos (Free)

10.30 - 2pm Explore the UBS Playground – Atrium (Free) Come down to the Atrium dress up as what you wanted to be when you were younger and join the UBS for a Playground Picnic. 10.30 - 5pm Exploring Natural disasters photo exhibit – Atrium (Free) 11 - 5pm Natural disasters film day – Academy (Free) 11am - 12.50pm Deep Impact Film 1.00pm - 2.50pm Twister Film 3.00pm - 5.00pm The Day After Tomorrow Film 3.30pm 5 - 5.30pm 10pm

Pool competition - Locos Czech Language class – LC105 (Free) Blackout Rave Switch off campaign @ The Academy // £3.50ADV

FRIday 11th - a day for change

11 - 3pm

Free Brunel Gumtree Bazaar – Academy (Free)

11.30 - 4.30pm Change the World Fayre – Upstairs Atrium/Newton rooms (Free) Come along and be inspired, find what you can do to change the world, whether it’s signing up to volunteer abroad or supporting a charity come and find out what YOU can do. 1 - 1.30pm 1 - 3pm 5 - 6pm 6 - 7.30pm 6.30 - 9pm 7pm 10pm

Mandarin Language class – LC005 (Free) Fair-trade ready steady cook – Quad UBS Give it a go: Tough Rugby – Sports Hall (Free) UBS Give it a go: Frisbee – Netball hall (Free) The Burma Play – Howell building (£3) Global pre party – Locos Global @ The Academy // 99p entry before 11pm

Proceeds from performances will go to support the Burma Campaign UK. Recyclingcat is recycling

All day 12 - 2pm

“Hands Off” Pancake day – Locos How to look good (Ladies only) – Darwin Room

12 - 3pm Women’s Spa day – Atrium (Free) Don’t miss out on your free goody bags, ladies! 1 - 2pm Salsa class – Atrium (Free) 6 - 7 pm UBS Give it a go: Women’s only Dance class – Exercise studio (Free) 7 - 8.30 pm UBS Give it a go: Squash – Squash courts (Free) 7.30pm “Hands off” Pancake eating competition – Locos 7.45pm Barcelona vs. Arsenal (UEFA Champions league second league) - Locos (Free) 10.30pm Brassic Ladies Night @ The Academy // £1.50ADV

Thursday 10th - Water Scarcity awareness day

9.30AM Trip to Natural History Museum– Meet at Wilfred Brown reception – Pond Earthquakes and volcanoes are the most dramatic manifestations of the power of nature. Discover what causes these violent and destructive events, what they feel and look like, and how scientists work to predict them. 10am

A story told with flair, biting humour, virtuoso performances and original live music, The Burma Play sprints through the long history of the twentieth century to bring the nightmare of Burma bang up to date.

“A unique show that sen sitively evokes the long suffering of a people through bittersweet co medy... beautiful music ... snappy and sensitive writing... excellent actor s... polished directing... wonderful to see such a committed piece of the atre” Fringe Review


Wednesday 9th - Exploring natural disasters

6.30 pm Friday 11th March (1 hour & post-show discussion)

Centrespread 17

Your carbon footprint is OVER 9000!

10am Sri Lanka vs. Zimbabwe (ICC Cricket world cup) – Locos (Free) 10.30 - 6pm “Water, water, water everywhere….?” – Atrium (Free) UBS and Raleigh International join forces to raise awareness of Water Scarcity through this beautiful and dark collection of photos taken from a range of photographers and volunteers who have experienced and seen the effects of water scarcity first hand. 11 - 4pm World Fayre (UBS) – Newton rooms (Free) Come and find out what YOUR Union has to offer and help us make the Brunel Map! 1 - 2pm Belly dancing class – Academy (Free) 2 - 3pm African dance workshop – Academy (Free) 3.30 - 4.30pm African dance workshop – Academy (Free) 5 - 5.30pm French Language class – LC107 (Free) 5 - 6pm UBS Give it a go: Cheerleeding – Sports Hall (Free) 7 - 8.30pm UBS Give it a go: Tamborelli - Netball Hall (Free) 7.30pm Poker tournament - Locos 7.30pm Thursdays are funny @ The Academy // £5ADV With Carl Donnelly and James Acaster 10pm Brunel International presents ‘Bringing cultures together’ @ The Academy // £2ADV

Oi, cut it out

Le Nurb - March 2011

18 Centrespread

UB SE lec tio ns 2

01 1

Could you be the...?





Engage with the University, local community and media. Represent Brunel students and UBS as an organisation. Lead the Student Officer team to ensure that it is effective.

Ensure effective academic representation within the University structures. Oversee the institution-wide Student Reps scheme. Ensure the student voice actively contributes to courses and services. Run campaigns and lobby the University on key issues.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

To AV or not to AV?

Features 19

VICE-PRESIDENT STUDENT ACTIVITIES VICE-PRESIDENT COMMUNITY WELFARE Responsible for development of all UBS Sports Clubs and Societies. Oversee activities within the RAG Team, and supporting the RAG Team Chair. Work with external bodies and relevant parts of the University to further the aims of UBS in relation to student activities.


Responsible for the development of the student community, and student welfare. Oversee some Union services. Run campaigns on issues such as sexual health, alcohol and drug awareness, housing, and stress. Enhance the profile of students.


Organise and co-ordinate the Union’s charity work. Co-ordinate events and fundraising activities. Select the charities that the Union will be supporting.

Review the Union’s equality and diversity commitments Ensure the Union caters for all student groups Raise cultural awareness and interaction on campus



Oversee the development of the Union’s sports clubs Set the sports clubs’ budgets with VP Student Activities Look at ways of increasing sports participation


Identify the campaigns that the Union needs to run Promote and run them in innovative, exciting ways


Oversee development of societies, and help set budgets Look at ways of increasing awareness and participation Promote diversity of societies and their student members

Oversee the Union’s Environmental Policy implementation Suggest how to improve its environmental performance Help run awareness-raising environmental campaigns

MEDIA ASSOCIATION CHAIR Oversee and organise Le Nurb and Radio Brunel Co-ordinate student writers, radio presenters, and content Ensure diversity of content and the students involved


VOLUNTEERING CHAIR Improve numbers and quality of volunteering opportunities Raise the profile of opportunities and volunteering Promote the benefits of volunteering to students


Represent the interests of World Students at Brunel Ensure the university is responsive to relevant issues Organise events and emphasise Brunel’s diverse nationalities

Represent the interests of various groups at Brunel Identify issues of particular relevance to those groups Ensure the University is responsive to these issues

Nominations are open now and close on Tuesday, 8 March at 1pm Imma let you finish, but the haiku were some of the best recycling blurbs of all time

Reminder: Children aren’t allowed to vote.

Alex Mitchell Alex describes the recent campaigns for and against the Alternative Vote. If you, like many, are unsure how to vote in the May referendum, then read below for more information on the different systems so you can decide which is fairer. On May 5th, the UK voting population will turn out (probably not in their masses) to vote on the first full scale referendum since 1973. Their votes will decide whether or not the UK will continue to use the current voting system to elect Members of Parliament. The system on offer to voters is the Alternate Vote (AV) system. AV will not be a new system to many students, as it is the system that we use in Student Elections here at Brunel. SU elections for single posts, e.g. SU President, take place under a preferential system. The only difference between the two systems is that Parliamentary elections will not feature a ‘none of the above’ or RON option like our elections, more than likely out of fear that it would beat some current MPs. Under the proposed system, quite simply, voters will rank their preferred candidates in order of preference and those with the lowest votes are eliminated and their votes reallocated until one candidate has over 50% of the votes. Sounds fair, I hear you say? Well not to everyone. In fact, the system has drawn criticism from both voting reformists

and those who wish to stick with the status quo of First Past the Post (FPTP). Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, one of the biggest champions of electoral reform, called AV a “measly little compromise.” The

Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg, one of the biggest champions of electoral reform, called AV a “measly little compromise.” Lib Dem manifesto wanted full proportional representation and the Conservatives campaigned to keep FPTP. This is in effect a system that nobody wanted. Members of Parliament are relatively split over the issue. Stephen Twigg, the MP for Liverpool Walton who famously defeated Michael Portillo in 1997, told Le Nurb, “At every General Election, thousands of voters are effectively disenfranchised as they are forced to either vote tactically for a party that is not their first preference or vote for the party they support, but see their vote make no difference in the result of the election.” Supporters of AV argue that the current system by and large endorses a two-party system, and evidence by opinion pollsters suggests that many voters do not vote for the party they most closely identify with. Mr Twigg went on to say: “The Alternative Vote puts an end to this disenfranchisement by putting an end to tactical voting and allowing every voter in every constituency the opportunity to

influence the outcome of the election. The other problem that AV solves is every MP will be elected with over 50% of the vote, which only one in three MPs is currently elected with.” Stephen Twigg lines up alongside many of the new generation of Labour MPs and Lib Dem MPs and a small group of Conservatives in a cross party group that will be campaigning for a ‘yes’ vote in May. Other pro-AV supporters argue that political parties are only interested in the 10% of constituencies that are marginal and only those within those seats who are floating voters. The IPPR think tank assesses these swing voters at 1.6% of the electorate. They argue that AV would put more power in the hands of more voters. Some Labour MPs, however, have decided to campaign against the Alternate Vote system. One of those is former acting Labour Leader and Minister under Tony Blair, Margaret Beckett. In a recent interview she said, “This is so important it has to rise above party politics. Only three other countries use AV and one, Fiji, is abandoning it. It led to a significant drop in the number of people voting in Australia – that’s why they had to make voting compulsory. AV doesn’t help democracy, it stands in its way.” Neither side of the argument is taking the campaign lightly. The ‘Yes’ campaign has appointed organisers in every region and has also commissioned Blue State Digital, the pioneering internetled campaign consultancy critical to Barack Obama’s presidential success to work on Buddy Jesus says recycle

their online and media presence. The ‘No’ campaign has signed up a number of former Labour “big hitters,” including John Prescott and David Blunkett, and have reportedly received a number of large donations. Current opinion polls put the ‘Yes’ campaign ahead, but the ‘No’ camp insists it is still all to play for. They are banking on the arguments that AV allows second choices to win and that in the current climate, AV will cost too much money. The ‘Yes’ campaign has launched its campaign with a whole host of celebrity endorsements, including Eddie Izzard and Helena Bonham Carter. Despite the government agreeing to a referendum, it looked at one stage as if the referendum would not go ahead with the House of Lords

debating amendments up until the eleventh hour. Had they succeeded, the referendum and democracy would have been stopped by a small number of unelected peers. How the referendum will go in May, only time will tell. It may be a historic change that would surely be seen as a huge victory for Nick Clegg. Or, the system may remain the same as it is now and politics will likely continue in the same two party conditions that currently exist. Whatever happens, politics needs a major overhaul. We can no longer have areas were politicians end up with a ‘job for life.’ This may be the first step to large scale reform, an elected House of Lords and greater democracy, or perhaps not. Who said politics changes nothing?

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FREE HAIR CUTS AND COLOUR Free haircuts and colour for gentlemen at Horsepower hairdressing by our second year student. All cuts and colours supervised by fully qualified stylists!

Le Nurb - March 2011

20 Arts & Reviews

Russell Howard wows crowds at the O2 Arena Bess Browning He doesn’t need to insult everyone under the sun like Frankie Boyle and he doesn’t use stupidity as comedy like the Little Britain duo. He picks out the unseen humour in everyday scenarios, and brings with it an understandable wit reachable by all ages, cultures and mentalities. At only thirty - young in the comedy world compared to peers Dara O’Briain and Andy Parsons - Russell Howard has taken Britain by storm. On Saturday 19th February, he took over the stage at the O2 in Greenwich, attracting fifteen thousand fans from all over the country. His aim was to entertain.

The result was fifteen thousand people in hysterical laughter. Swapping mammoth ego for humour we can all relate to, Russell Howard is a normal guy, different from every other comedian in British humour today. He invites the audience into his life to experience laughter like none before. In his show Right Here, Right Now, he shares stories about his mother, brother and pet hates, exploring each dimension of everyday life but making every aspect side-splitting. Not only a heartthrob with young teens - ‘marry me’ was repeatedly shouted by groups of young girls in the crowd - but admired

by an older generation too, his audience range was so wide, it’s hard to tell if Howard has a target audience at all. Russell has not just made a name for himself within standup comedy but has mastered television shows too - he is frequently seen on the BBC’s Mock the Week, with guest appearances on 8 Out of 10 Cats and Never Mind the Buzzcocks. He hosted his own show Russell Howard’s Good News, which gave a hilariously different stance to the week’s news. Russell has been touring with his Right Here, Right Now show throughout February and has sold out at every venue, showing just how successful this young comedian is. He is on par with some of the finest in British comedy and stands out from the crowd as a young, innovative figure, fresh from the old comedy we know and love. His humour is simple but genius and he shows that you don’t need to offend in order to amuse… apart from a few worthy digs at the royal family (“Who actually gives a f**k about the royal wedding?”) and Justin Bieber (whom he called a colossal c**t). You know you agree. Suggesting hamsters should wear capes, talking about getting caught masturbating aged fourteen, and discussing sexual encounters where he can’t get “If You’re Happy and You Know It” out of his head, Russell picks up on stories that you’ve always wanted to discuss but never had the guts. His humour can be a little silly and I’m sure there will have been many members of the audience trying not to laugh, but they would have undoubtedly struggled to hold back the giggles.

PSP 2 vs. Nintendo 3DS Craig Rogers This year is going to be a big year for portable gaming. The Nintendo 3DS is arriving in March, and we will see the development of gaming on smartphones, with a new app rumoured to allow you to play PS1 games on your Android smartphone. The PSP 2 lacks a set-in-stone release date but is expected to be released in time for Christmas. So, to prepare you for all of this, we thought we would give you the run-down of the two big ones: the 3DS and PSP 2. The PSP 2 comes equipped with a 5 inch OLED touch screen with both Wi-Fi and 3G capabilities; this means games can be easily downloaded. This is because Sony has decided to scrap the use of disks in favour of a more ‘app store’ style, with all the games being bought online and saved on internal memory. It also has cameras on both the front and back. What is truly revolutionary about the PSP 2 is the controls: for the first time ever it has dual analogue controls, just like the PS 3’s controllers. The controls are on the rear of the console, so it fits more naturally in the hands, a technology that Sony has recently bought a patent for. Finally, the HD quality of the PSP 2 will only be rivalled by the PS 3. There has been no official announcement on how much it is going to cost, but early reports suggest it will be of similar price to the 3DS, meaning you could be looking at £200 to £300.

VERDICT Russell captured the audience from his opening line. Throughout his energetic and riveting performance, he exceeded in hilarity and won over everyone, even the most sceptical of spectators. 88888

Buraka Som Sistema

Akeem Maull-Nicol With advanced tickets sold out and only a number left on the door, fans outside buzzed with anticipation for Buraka Som Sistema’s live set at XOYO on Saturday 29th January. The doors opened at 9pm to a huge flock of people still in good spirits, despite being wrapped in the vicious cold and after all the limited door tickets had gone.

Upstairs, and in the warmth of room 2, DJ collective BOUNTY took the room by storm, throwing down old school hip-hop classics, electro and Garage. DJs Martelo, Khalil, Josey Rebelle, Morosky, Radi Dadi provoked most people upstairs to let loose and take to the dance floor so vigorously that by 1am, at the start of Buraka Som Sistema’s set downstairs, most were tired from the nonstop ‘skanking’ that took place upstairs.

When midnight was washed away and 1am loomed, the crowd scurried downstairs to see the eclectic four-some from Portugal take to the stage. Crowd surfing, head bopping, sweat, stage hopping, vodka drinking and absolute carnage unfolded downstairs in the main room. The different beats and loops had the crowd in a trance and viciously moving to each edgy and abrupt beat.

Most of the changes with the 3DS are cosmetic, with Nintendo deciding to give it a new look with its new piece of innovative technology. The major change? The implementation of 3D gaming without the need of any 3D glasses. You can also play 3D movies on it without the glasses. Other new features are relatively small in comparison, such as backwards compatibility (being able to play games from any other Nintendo handheld platform) and the addition of the Mii, a character that represents you on-screen as seen in the Wii. Due for release on the 25th March, most major retailers are selling it to you for £219.99. As tempting as the new 3D technology is, £219.99 is very steep for the 3DS, especially as Nintendo usually market their handheld consoles at children. The novelty of the 3D screen will wear off after a few weeks, just like it has in the cinema. They haven’t done enough to justify selling it at that price. For roughly the same price you can get a PSP 2 (although you may have to wait a little longer), which offers you so much that has never been seen before on a handheld console. The price will be steep, but we have come to expect that from Sony. They always make every penny spent worthwhile. With all its new innovations I am very much looking forward to the release of the PSP 2.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Hamlet Hugh Frost-Wellings Let me paint the picture for you: I had been invited to see what I was told was a production of Hamlet at the Globe. Being a huge fan of this play, I was naturally delighted. Off we went to Waterloo and had a nice wander along the riverbank towards The Globe on an equally very nice evening. So far, so good. Halfway through our stroll, I was informed that we had arrived at our destination, but we were nowhere near the Globe. It was at this point I was told we weren’t going to the Globe, but in fact seeing a Globebacked production of Hamlet at BFI Southbank. “Ok,” I thought, “so I wasn’t seeing a play of Hamlet, but a filmed version. No problem. I like films!” We went into BFI Southbank, picked up our tickets and sat down to dinner at one of the restaurants they had inside. I was told a little more about what we were about to see; it was a German production of Hamlet, with subtitles. It was an interesting interpretation, as Hamlet was being played by a woman, Asta Neilsen (ok, I’m all for new interpretations.) It was also made in 1920 and was a silent

Arts & Reviews 21 movie with live music. This was not what I had bargained for. We took our seats in the auditorium, I, somewhat reluctantly, and the film began. Had I not had such a large meal, I would probably have had to literally eat my words. The film was amazing. It was remarkable how much was conveyed with so few words. The ‘new’ interpretation of Hamlet as a woman, having to grow up as a man so to inherit the crown of Denmark, and creating an interesting love-triangle between him/her, Horatio and Ophelia, was a very intriguing one which certainly left me with things to think about and certainly made me require a re-read of the script. The live music was also excellent. For a pianist to play without a score for a sustained period of time is always a great feat; for this to happen in conjunction with a silent film and set the mood so perfectly is truly staggering. All in all, this was a great night out, albeit unexpectedly. The event lasts until April, and I thoroughly recommend it to historians, film students, theatre enthusiasts, and anyone studying Shakespeare. All tickets are discounted for students or, in many cases, free.

No Strings Attached

Ivan Reitman Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher RUNNING TIME: 108 minutes DIRECTED BY: STARRING:

Sumita Deb No Strings Attached demonstrates a stereotypical dream situation for guys. Emma (Portman), a trainee doctor, does not want to be involved in a relationship and decides to have a “friends with benefits” arrangement with Adam (Kutcher). There is no teasing or coyness with Emma – she is a straight-up and to-the-point with what she does not want. Emma makes it clear from the start that she does not wish to, or have time to be in, an emotional relationship. Adam initially goes along with this after being traumatised by the fact that his ex-girlfriend is now dating his father. However, it is clear that Adam is a romantic and will fall in love with Emma. A guy’s dream situation, however, is not necessarily all it’s cracked up to be. When Adam falls in love with Emma and wants more than their current arrangement, Emma wants out.

James Blake debut album Early concept models of the PSP 2 and 3DS

Buraka gave an energetic performance, keeping the audience on their toes for the next song. He was joined onstage by a leopard-suit-clad woman who kept the crowd pumped and engaged at all times. On countless occasions, she opted to grind with scantily clad women and cheekily shook her rear at the crowd. The night neared its end when they performed the smash hit ‘Sound of Kuduro’; the placed just erupted into madness. Summing up the night, a great energetic performance by our Mediterranean comrades who

Your recycling only makes my penis harder

wowed and dazzled the crowd for a good 3 hour period. £15 well spent.

bratha Kalaf Ângelo of Buraka Som Sistema performing

Asta Nielsen, star of the 1920 silent film adaptation of Hamlet

Akeem Maull-Nicol This month saw the release of experimental artist James Blake’s self-titled debut album. The Universal Records artist rose to prominence at the back end of last year, when he was

There are little quirks in the film, for instance when Emma does reluctantly agree to go on a date with Adam. Instead of bringing her flowers, he brings her a bunch of carrots, with the carrot shoot being the stem and the carrots acting as flowers, are brilliant. Both Kutcher and Portman are loveable and of course great to look at. It is great to see a film where the flawed characteristics of the lead character is not explained as being due to some event in the character’s past or upbringing which must be solved in order for the characters to progress. Emma’s wish to be alone is just how she is – it’s not down to some past trauma. The supporting cast are amazing in this film and provide the majority of the comedic value. Without them, the film could have been a complete flop. The best part of the film, which is absolute genius, is when Adam makes a period mix CD for Emma for when it was that time of the month. Credit also must go to Stefani Scott for playing the teenage Emma at the beginning of the film; her mannerisms are spot on

to Portman’s. The editing of some of the scenes that featured in the trailer was different to the actual film, which was a shame, as the versions in the trailer were a lot funnier than the final edit of those scenes for the film. Additionally, the extra scenes involving the supporting cast in the end credits were totally unnecessary as well as not being very funny. This is a hilarious film. Yes, the film is predictable (just like with every rom-com) and the final scene in which Kutcher and Portman arrive at Emma’s sister’s wedding is disappointing. For Portman, this is not her best film, but when she has made so many amazing films, this does not necessarily mean it’s terrible. As a whole, it is a romantic comedy which actually works and will make you laugh.

made runner-up to singersongwriter Jessie J for the BRIT Awards’ Critic’s Choice. For the most part of 2010, the electronic composer was putting together his 11-track album. The UK really paid attention to the workings of Blake when he released his cover of Leslie Feist’s 2007 track “Limit to Your Love”, which just fell shy of a Top 40 chart entry and earned a staggering 3 million hits on YouTube in only four months. Deptford-born Blake takes listeners on an emotional journey with his new album, the song ‘The Wilheim Scream’ being the most poignant. A melancholy feel resonates heavily throughout the album, which at times makes it a hard listen, but nevertheless still makes James Blake one of the most innovative and exciting pieces of music to emerge from the UK in recent times. Blake uses electronic sounds,

auto-tune and piano loops assisted by his moving vocals to highlight and convey the story of his life; and he executes it with precision, like any good album should. “I Never Learnt to Share” exemplifies this point where Blake reveals the truth about his childhood. The lack of lyrics and emphasis on repetition hits home and makes the album even more emotive as well as endearing. Blake appears to use no mask for a veil in his music, and offers the listener a laid-bare account of his life whilst simultaneously leaving the critiquing to the public. The former Goldsmiths student flirts with a range of genres, which makes the album at times confusing and lacking structure but Blake and his potent voice dismisses the constraints of structure and commit to the romance of the arts, and, by doing so, have produced a flawed but brilliant album.

So here’s this giant enemy crab... recycle!

VERDICT A great role-reversal romantic comedy which is actually funny, unlike many of the other romcoms out there. 88888

Le Nurb - March 2011

22 Arts & Reviews To check out more articles on Brunel style this month go to:

CollegeFashionista to host event with Juicy Couture Jade O’Donoghue CollegeFashionista is teaming up with Juicy Couture this month for a night of shopping, style, discounts and competitions. On the 10th of March, international fashion website CollegeFashionista will be heading to London to host this student-oriented evening of fashion at Juicy Couture’s Bruton Street branch in London. Local Style Gurus who write for the website will be out and about, snapping fashion photographs and styling attendees at the event dubbed

“Not On A School Night.” In addition to this, student shoppers will receive a 20% discount on their purchases and there will be competitions to get involved with throughout the evening. CollegeFashionista is an international website that features weekly columns written by Style Gurus from a variety of universities all over the world. The event at Juicy Couture follows on from similar nights held in US stores last year where the clothing retailer made thousands in just two hours from fashion conscious

Having it large Jade O’Donoghue They say size doesn’t matter, but to follow this Fashionista’s trend, it does. At a time of year when clothing seems to get shorter and tighter, she’s showing us how to do it oversized. From her thick-

framed glasses, to the large satchel bag on her shoulder, this Fashionista has gone BIG. The most striking element of her outfit is the oversized cable knit cardigan. With toggle ties and a low slung hood, it’s far from your average jumper.

university students. CollegeFashionista founder Amy Levin is very excited about bringing the event to the UK. She says, “Juicy’s clothing and accessories are a favourite of our readers. We’re really looking forward to uniting the brands together.” Everyone is welcome to the night at the Bruton Street branch of Juicy Couture in London. It’s completely free to attend. If you would like to join in, RSVP to JuicyLondon@ and your name will be added to the guestlist. Oversized is the most stylish way to wear your knitwear, as it can be a clever way to play with your proportions. This Fashionista has done this with the high-waist on her jeans to elongate her legs. Pashminas are one of my favourite accessories; the chunkier the better. They can be flung around your neck to not only keep you warm but also add style and colour to an uninspiring outfit. Celebrities are fans as well – from Kate Moss, to Taylor Momsen – everyone loves to be papped in a pashmina. I adore the design on this one and the warm colours look great with the colder stonewash of the denim. Even in her footwear, the oversized trend has followed through with this striking pair of hefty heels. These vintage tan wedges buckle at the ankle and give a spring feel to the outfit, in spite of her cosy cardigan. Ankle designs were seeen in Versace’s spring/summer collection and Christian Louboutin had his fair share of wedges. After finding this Fashionista on campus, I’ve changed my mind: Maybe sometimes the best things come in oversized packages.

Hats off to her Eleanor Perkins So, the time is now! One – maybe two – days a week, we are graced with the sun. It shines down on us and we can’t help but smile. We’re so energized to see summer in sight; we just want to embrace it. Maybe jumping up and down is a bit extreme and perhaps it’s a bit too early for sunglasses, so I’ve got an alternative for you all. I am absolutely for hats as a playful spring/summer accessory. This Fashionista is rocking her feathered trilby from Topshop. It has attitude and completes her feisty look along with her leather leggings and animal print bag. Feathers themselves are huge for spring, along with tassels so experiment away. Be creative. This Fashionista’s whole boychic meets girl-chic look is an enormous success, but it is her hat that we’re all looking at and all wish we had the confidence to wear. If I could give you all confidence in a box, I would because I know it takes some guts to wear a hat, but please

don’t rule it out. Break that barrier. There are so many to choose from and they’re perfect for a bad hair day, not to mention for the festival season too. The most popular are the straw hat, the wide-brim floppy hat and the trilby; all functional and all flattering. This Fashionista proves they look hot with short hair just as much as long hair. A personal favourite is the floppy hat. It’s sophisticated and very ‘70s. Anna Friel has been seen out for lunch posing in hers, and my – she looked gorgeous. The floppy hat is girly and very bohemian. If you’re undecided and want to experiment, head into Primark, they have them on sale for as little a £4. You can’t go wrong. I say invest, invest, invest!

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Frame & Shame 23


HINT Work with neutral colours such as cream, black, brown, red, orange or brick. However, for summer, I see big, bold and bright! Be brave, Marc Jacob style.

HINT Aubin and Wills is undoubtedly the best place for good quality oversized knitwear. It can be quite costly, but the good news is they’ve got a sale on right now! Some of it’s less than half price so it’s worth getting in there quick. For a cheaper option, try H&M’s menswear department.

All photos by Le Nurb chief photographer Adil Khan Deshmukh

Recycle - I’m on a horse

Batman can recycle in space

Difficulty: 55555

Difficulty: 55555

ROB’S TIME: 10m 32s














9 8





2 5






5 9






5 1





2 3 7












ROB’S TIME: 10m 2s




Crosslogic Dinosaurs

Avoid eating any foods that don’t begin with a vowel this month. This may seem hard at first, so we present you with our recommended breakfast; eggs, apricots and Oreos.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21)

Birds think you’re worthless. That’s right. The entire ornithological pantechnicon has completely floccinaucinhilipilificated your scrawny arse. You maschalyperidrosistic cacafuego.

CANCER (June 22-July 22)

You will find out that you were adopted, or, that you are in fact dead and have been living amongst people for years without realising. Bad luck. No need to be crabby, though.

LEO (July 23-August 22)

Your bathroom mirror is for cleaning last night’s excesses off your face. Spending hours admiring your flabby self instead is embarrassing when the cleaner finds you singing Rick Astley.

VIRGO (August 23-September 21)

Somewhere over the rainbow is a large pot of gold. You’re not a leprechaun so you won’t find it. You’re the Tin Man, therefore you are heartless. Meaning eternal singledom. Enjoy.

LIBRA (September 22-October 22)

We have bad news for you. You’re actually a seagull. Get out there and fly around as you please, crapping everywhere and eating whatever you want. After all, what’s the difference?

SCORPIO (October 23-November 21)

Your inhibitions for this month will fall away when a Sagittarian makes an appearance around the 25th. Failing to notice this will result in sudden death. Also, watch out for goats.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21)

What were you thinking going out dressed like that? You have no doubt isolated any chances of finding love for the rest of the year. Sort your face out, and watch out for Cancer(s).

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 20)

Snake charming is a hobby that needs practice. Just like social skills: good until you stop practising, and snap! You’ve been bitten and you’re going to die in Hillingdon Hospital.

AQUARIUS (January 21-February 19)

Prestidigitation is your forte. Well, you look like it should be. Buy a cheap black cape, a top hat and a cane. Then cut yourself in half with a giant steam-powered knife and fork.

PISCES (February 20-March 20)

Jupiter’s position tells us that you will feel melancholy for most of the month, while Neptune indicates much joy for you. Ask your psychiatrist about bipolar disorder.

Find as many words as possible using letters from the grid. The words must be four letters or more, and contain the central letter, but each letter may not be used more than once. There is at least one word that uses all nine letters in the grid.

ROB’S SCORE: 21 in 10 mins







Ratings: 10-15 average

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9


TAURUS (April 21-May 21)








4 6

ROB’S TIME: 33m 23s




You share your star sign with Adolf Hitler. Try and avoid any genocidal tendencies you might have this month, and marching on Poland is right out. Even Danzig. You heard.

Difficulty: 55555


16-20 good

E D 21-25 excellent

26 godlike

“Thanks, Gran!” Difficulty: 55555

Grandma Jackson knitted a jumper for each of her five grandsons for their birthday this year. Since each of her grandsons had a different interest, she designed the jumpers to match. Determine the name of each grandson, the design on their jumper, the colour of each jumper, and the month of each grandson’s birthday.

Last Month’s Answers


1. Frank didn’t get a yellow jumper. Elliot’s birthday was in January but he didn’t get a brown jumper. Alan didn’t get a cowboy design. 2. The five grandsons were Joe, the boy who got the dinosaur jumper, the boy whose birthday was in March, the boy whose jumper was brown, and Frank. 3. Peter’s birthday was one month before the boy who had a cowboy design, but it was also after the boy whose jumper was red. 4. Joe got a green jumper but no truck design. Frank’s birthday was not in May. 5. The boy whose birthday was in March got a hockey jumper but it wasn’t Alan. Joe’s birthday was in September. 6. The boy whose birthday was in April got a blue jumper with no dogs.

Elliot Frank Joe Peter January March


ARIES (March 21-April 20)

Easy Sudoku

Easy 6




Coffee Break 25

5 2 7 1 6 9 3 8 4

8 6 3 7 2 4 9 5 1

1 9 4 5 8 3 6 2 7

7 5 1 6 3 8 4 9 2

2 8 6 9 4 1 7 3 5

4 3 9 2 7 5 1 6 8

9 4 2 8 1 6 5 7 3

3 7 5 4 9 2 8 1 6

6 1 8 3 5 7 2 4 9

Hard Sudoku


All the puzzles are tried and tested by the Le Nurb team, and you can see the fastest time next to each one. Your prize for beating us? A sense of smug satisfaction, and a warm, glowy feeling in your midriff.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

1 3 7 8 6 4 2 9 5

6 8 2 3 5 9 4 1 7

4 5 9 2 1 7 6 3 8

5 1 4 9 8 2 7 6 3

2 7 8 6 3 5 9 4 1

3 9 6 4 7 1 5 8 2

8 4 3 5 2 6 1 7 9

9 2 1 7 4 3 8 5 6

7 6 5 1 9 8 3 2 4


Le Nurb - March 2011

24 Coffee Break

First Name

Last Name























John Longland Sept 2009 - Feb 2011 John Longland was the deputy manager of Academy for the past 18 months. He is well known for his love of beanie hats, and has moved on to continue his career in Cambridge. John has been instrumental in helping design all the new Academy nights such as Thursdays Are Funny and Chillout Lounge. He will be sorely missed by the entire bar and nightclub staff and everyone at UBS is forever grateful for all his hard work. Joe Greenwood Sept 2008 - April 2011 Joe Greenwood was the Democratic Support Co-ordinator for the Union of Brunel Students. During his two and a half years here, Joe has helped with rewriting the constitution for the way the Union is run and is the unsung hero for all student officers. He is even working voluntarily during the election period. He has a passion for cycling and gets annoyed at people who confuse him with Joel Brasher-Jones (who is nicknamed Greenwood). The whole of UBS will miss him dearly and would like to thank him for all his hard work. Chris Folkerd Sept 2001 - April 2011 Chris Folkerd has been at this university so long Le Nurb has it on good authority that he knew Brunel personally. Chris has completed his 10-year stint at the university after requesting extension after extension. He finally handed in his thesis on 28th February 2011. Chris has held so many positions at the Union that we would have to print an entire edition of Le Nurb exclusively to list them all, but we salute him for his loyalty. Chris once said: “The uni pay me to be here as a researcher and recently I celebrated because the total they have paid me exceeded the total I paid them.” As Chris has literally nothing left to do here, I think everyone at the university will join me in saying ‘Chris… GO AWAY!’

April May

What’s the next letter in this sequence: X L C D ? M - they’re Roman numerals, in ascending order.

Brown Green Red Yellow

WHAT?! Not sure where to start? Read Clue 6 carefully we’ve filled in everything it tells you at first.

The recycling is a lie




Behold, the nowpermanently wonky box!

Punctuate these words: that that is is that that is not is not is not that it it is That that is, is: that that is not, is not. Is not that it? It is. What’s the next number in this sequence: 1, 23, 124, 1251, 26127, 128129 ? 1301311 - integers starting from 123 are shown in groups of digits that increase in length by one each time.






ands, dam n, dons, doo damns, dams, dam son, dam m, doom sons, s, dots, m mastodo astodon, ns, mods , mood, m nomads, oods, nod san s, nomad stands, sto d, sands, soda, sod , as, sods, s od, tads, to tand, ad, toads

Go recycle stuff, kthxbye

Ratings: 12-16 a verage 17-22 g ood 23-28 e xcellent 29-00 g odlike

Le Nurb - March 2011

26 Coffee Break

We need designers! If you freak out in M&S because you noticed how much they use Helvetica, or our blatant wasting of space in this column, you may be the person we are looking for.

Final Year Student?

Be in the official Brunel University Yearbook

Visit: Final Deadline: Friday 1st April The Yearbook team will be in the SU Atrium

on 15th March from 12 til 3:30pm Come and look through last year’s Brunel Yearbook Have your photos taken with your friends to be published in the Yearbook

Lived It. Loved it. Treasure it.

Contact to get involved.

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Letters to the Editor


Dear Sir, In response to the Le Nurb article ‘Do They Know It’s RAG Week at Brunel?’ I can only express my shock and apologise that the writer was looking forward to being part of RAG week and felt they were unable to do so. I apologise that the stall RAG had during Freshers’ Week allowing students, such as the writer, to put themselves on RAG’s email list, the two Facebook groups and separate event for RAG week and the Le Nurb article published were not public enough. I would now like to offer an invitation to anyone, especially the writer, to attend RAG meetings held every Monday at 8pm in LC011, which have been held weekly since the year began. I recognise the writer’s frustration that there was no online donation system but I point out that we were unable to do this for legal reasons. I would also suggest that in future the writer follows the example of many of his fellow students who raised money by hand. For instance the Rowing Club was able to raise £500 during RAG week using this method and the Kilimanjaro team have been able to raise £10,000 using this method. I question the remark the “select few” who read Le Nurb knew of RAG week. Thousands of people read Le Nurb every month, who I do not regard as a “select few”. Furthermore I would like to bring the writer’s attention to the clubs and societies who helped to advertise RAG week. Some example include: rowing; women’s hockey; BUMS; Rugby League; Cricket and the History Society. All these examples and more were able to advertise RAG week through Facebook along with Brunel RAG’s two Facebook groups. I understand that RAG could have leafleted around halls but as the writer pointed out, a lot of leaflets are distributed in halls and at the risk of “spamming” people, RAG chose against it. I do however recall that RAG’s academy night “Emergency Services” was advertised in the academy wall planner. If the writer has memorised the next fortnight’s schedule for academy, did he memorise RAG’s academy night? What’s more, did he attend? I would like to say again a big thank you to everyone involved in RAG week. I can reveal that RAG Week raised £1200 through the aid of many clubs, societies and dedicated individuals. Stef Archer RAG Chair

Dear Sir, In the last issue of Le Nurb, Radio Brunel was accused of not preparing enough for RAG Week as there was no online donation form which made raising money for RAG even

You just lost the game. Now recycle

Coffee Break 27


The PCC advertises hundreds of opportunities thorough our online vacancy listings. Whether you’re looking for part-time work, summer internships or graduate jobs, you’re sure to find something of interest. Below is a just a small selection of what we have available this month - visit our website to view more.

Part-time jobs while you’re studying

Apply now!

Tuition Centre


Brunel University

Student Sales Rep/Liaison

A-Level Science Teacher

Residences Student Mentors is a company that offers university students the ability to order food online from their favourite local takeaway restaurants. We are currently expanding our operations and are looking for ambitious and talented students to help recruit and manage restaurants in various university towns throughout the UK.

The company specialises in providing tuition to children for English, Maths and Science. We have 2 positions available: 1. Chemistry teacher to teach GCSE & A-Level chemistry2. Biology teacher to teach GCSE & A-Level biology.

Various seasonal positions at Ascot Racecourse

Pay: £7 to £13 per hour Vacancy Number: 16312

Pay: Starting wage £7.50-£10 per hour. More than £10 per hour once fully trained. Vacancy Number: 9060

Are you working part-time alongside your studies? Could you be Student Employee of the Year 2011? Get your employer to nominate you now -

Sodexo Ltd (trading as Ascot Hospitality) are recruiting Casual Hospitality Staff for the Royal Ascot and the summer race meetings. We are looking for: - Waiting staff - Bar staff (over 18s only) - Food Service Assistants - Bar/Kitchen Porters - General Assistants - Table/Glass Clearers. Pay: £5.93 per hour Vacancy Number: 16264

Netcom Software Marketing Assistant

The Money Club



Cashier & Kitchen Porter

Whole sale shopping services have vacancies for Telesales persons to work in our Datchet office.

Yumchi is a Chinese Food Service providing yummy Chinese Food to our customers. We have a team of exceptional people and are looking for exceptional additions to our team. Working hours are flexible; work environment is fun, fast paced and very rewarding. is seeking a capable Marketing Assistant to work on software lead generation campaigns: telephone , web and presence at exhibitions. You will be literate and well spoken, graduate or study a relevant discipline ? marketing, management or business studies. You will work closely with the core member of Netcom?s team. This is an exciting opportunity to be involved, from the start, with the marketing of a new software application to three vertical market segments.

Pay: £6 per hour Vacancy Number: 14920

Pay: NMW Vacancy Number: 15963/15964

Pay: NMW + travel and bonus Vacancy Number: 16225

- Are you interested in working with people, helping others, as well as being a guide and role model? - Are you interested in supporting students who live in residences? - Would you like the opportunity to develop your skills? - Will you be a registered student at Brunel University next academic year? - Would you like the opportunity to contribute to creating a community on campus? - Would you like to combine all this into a paid job? - Are you available 2 nights per week between Monday and Thursday inclusive to work 3 hours, between 4.45pm and 9pm on a rota basis (with some flexibility to work additional hours if needed)? - Can you commit to attending a full 1 week training course from 11 September 2011? Then you might like to consider being a Residences Student Mentor. Pay: £10.25 per hour Vacancy Number: 16240

Brunel PCC National Summer Recruitment Fair - 23rd May 2011. See the PCC website for more details.

See for details of how to apply. Need help with your job applications? The PCC has a team of 7 Careers Consultants to assist you with your career choices and job applications. To find out how to arrange a time to see a Careers Consultant, visit our website or call 01895 266 840. more difficult. An online donation form was an idea of both myself and the RAG Chair as it would have been an excellent resource to raise money. However, as the UBS is not a recognised charity and does not currently have a charity number (which in the upcoming weeks, I understand it will do) we are legally

unable to have an online donate form. Regardless Radio Brunel was able to raise over £160 with the contributions of the amazing DJ’s who participated in the 120 hour broadcast. This is a credit to the hard work put in by the 40 people who took part and also a significant amount raised for RAG Week. I Recycling: Epic Win

do hope the writer of the article researched properly into why we were unable to have that facility before writing the article. Tom Scott Media Chair

WRITE FOR US! Le Nurb accepts submissions from any Brunel student. See page 2 to find out how to get involved!

Le Nurb - March 2011

28 Sport

Brunel Sports: Results Team

M.Badminton 1 M.Badminton 2 W.Badminton M.Basketball 1 M.Basketball 2 W.Basketball M.Fencing W.Fencing M.Football 1 M.Football 2 M.Football 3 M.Football 4 M.Football 5 W.Football 1 W.Football 2 Golf 1 Golf 2 M. Hockey 1 M.Hockey 2 M.Hockey 3 W.Hockey 1 W.Hockey 2 W.Hockey 3 Lacrosse Netball 1 Netball 2 Netball 3 Netball 4 Netball 5 Netball 6 Rugby League M.Rugby Union 1 M.Rugby Union 2 W.Rugby Union M.Squash 1 M.Squash 2 M. Squash 3 M.Table Tennis 1 M.Table Tennis 2 M.Tennis 1 M.Tennis 2 W.Tennis M. Volleyball


M.Badminton 1 M.Badminton 2 W.Badminton M.Basketball 1 M.Basketball 2 W.Basketball M.Fencing W.Fencing M.Football 1 M.Football 2 M.Football 3 M.Football 4 M.Football 5 W.Football 1 W.Football 2 Golf 1 Golf 2 M. Hockey 1 M.Hockey 2 M.Hockey 3 W.Hockey 1 W.Hockey 2 W.Hockey 3 Lacrosse Netball 1 Netball 2 Netball 3 Netball 4 Netball 5 Netball 6 Rugby League M.Rugby Union 1 M.Rugby Union 2 W.Rugby Union M.Squash 1 M.Squash 2 M. Squash 3 M.Table Tennis 1 M.Table Tennis 2 M.Tennis 1 M.Tennis 2 W.Tennis M. Volleyball

9th February 2011 Score Opposition

N/A 5-3 Walkover to Brighton N/A 71 - 66 52 - 41 127 - 101 119 - 116 1-2 1-3 1-2 5-0 3-1 4-0 4-5 0-6 0-6 1-3 9-0 0-1 0 - 0 Lost on Golden Goal 0-4 1-1 14 - 19 60 - 18 37 - 22 N/A 68 - 20 Unknown N/A N/A 25 - 40 17 - 27 12 - 42 5-0 N/A 3-0 9-5 6 - 10 4-8 2 - 10 12 - 0 0-3

N/A Surrey 2 Brighton 1 N/A Sussex 1 UCL 1 Sussex 1 ≠Imperial 2 Brighton 1 St. Mary’s 2 Reading 1 TVU 1 St. Mary’s 6 Chichester 1 St. Mary’s 1 Bucks New Uni 1 Surrey 1 Durham 1 Portsmouth 2 Royal Vets 1 Bath 1 St. Mary’s 1 Imperial 2 Reading 1 Cardiff 1 Kings 1 N/A Brighton 1 Roehampton 2 N/A N/A Brighton 1 Brighton 2 UCL 1 Portsmouth 1 N/A Royal Holloway 2 Oxford 1 Middlesex 1 Imperial 2 Roehampton 2 Gloucestershire 1 Reading 1

23rd February 2011 Score Opposition

N/A Unknown Walkover to Brunel N/A Unknown 56 - 30 135 - 100 N/A N/A Postponed 0-0 Postponed N/A 3-0 N/A N/A N/A 2-3 4-1 3-1 N/A 2-5 0 - 10 14 - 9 N/A 28 - 33 41 - 45 42 - 27 22 - 21 18 - 21 N/A Walkover to Brunel Postponed Unknown 3-0 1-2 0-3 N/A 17 - 0 12 - 0 12 - 0 4-8 1-3

N/A St. George’s Medics 1 Royal Holloway 1 N/A Surrey 1 Royal Holloway Surrey 2 N/A N/A Sussex 1 St. Mary’s 2 Portsmouth 5 N/A Portsmouth N/A N/A N/A PO Oxford Brookes Reading 2 Surrey 2 N/A Royal Holloway 1 Royal Holloway 2 Portsmouth 1 N/A Chichester 1 Brighton 2 Brighton 3 Bucks New Uni 2 LSE 3 N/A Surrey 1 Imperial Medics 2 Hertfordshire 1 Hertfordshire 1 Royal Holloway 2 Reading 3 N/A Bucks New Uni 1 Kingston 1 Royal Holloway 2 Exeter Surrey 1

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L L W W W L W W L L L W X W W ? L W W W L W L L W L L L L W

Streak W W W L L W W L W W X L L W W W W W L W L X W

Streak W L W W W W L L L W W W L L L L W L L L X L W W L ? L L L W W W L L L W L

L L W W W L W W L L L W X W W ? L W W W L W L L W L L L L W

W L W W W W L L L W W W L L L L W L L L X L W W L ? L L L W W W L L L W L

W W W L L L W L W L L W L W W W W W L W W W L L L L W -

? W ? W W X W L W W L L W L L W W L W ? W L L W W W L L

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Sport 29

Brunel Sports: Fixtures Team

M.Badminton 1 M.Badminton 2 W.Badminton M.Basketball 1 M.Basketball 2 W.Basketball M.Fencing W.Fencing M.Football 1 M.Football 2 M.Football 3 M.Football 4 M.Football 5 W.Football 1 W.Football 2 Golf 1 Golf 2 M. Hockey 1 M.Hockey 2 M.Hockey 3 W.Hockey 1 W.Hockey 2 W.Hockey 3 Lacrosse Netball 1 Netball 2 Netball 3 Netball 4 Netball 5 Netball 6 Rugby League M.Rugby Union 1 M.Rugby Union 2 W.Rugby Union M.Squash 1 M.Squash 2 M. Squash 3 M.Table Tennis 1 M.Table Tennis 2 M.Tennis 1 M.Tennis 2 W.Tennis M. Volleyball

Would you kindly recycle?

16th February 2011 Score Opposition

N/A N/A Walkover to Brunel N/A N/A 67 - 50 Walkover to Brunel 35 - 134 0-3 2-3 N/A N/A N/A 2-1 1-3 Walkover to Brunel 2-4 N/A N/A N/A N/A 1-5 1-0 9 - 19 31 - 29 45 - 26 40 - 33 34 - 32 Postponed 40 - 6 20 - 42 35 - 17 Postponed 100 - 0 3-2 1-2 1-2 5 - 12 8-9 N/A N/A 10 - 2 N/A

N/A N/A Bucks New Uni N/A N/A Bristol 1 City Aberystwyth University Cardiff 1 Portsmouth 3 N/A N/A N/A UWIC 1 Brighton 1 Hertfordshire 1 Royal Holloway 1 N/A N/A N/A N/A Imperial 1 Imperial Medics 2 Chichester 1 Durham Bristol 1 St. Mary’s 1 Portsmouth 3 LSE 2 St. George’s 4 Warwick St. Mary’s 3 Uni of Arts 1 Kent 1 Sussex 2 Kings 1 Surrey 2 Kent Kings 2 N/A N/A Brighton 1 N/A

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W L W W W W L L L W W W L L L L W L L L X L W W L ? L L L W W W L L L W L

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W.Badminton 1 M.Basketball 1 Golf 2 M.Hockey 1 Netball 5 Netball 6 M.Rugby Union 2

TBC Majon’s 1 Reading 1 UWIC Roehampton 2 Imperial 3 Portsmouth 2



W.Badminton 1 M.Fencing M.Football 4 M.Hockey 3 Lacrosse M.Squash 1 M.Tennis 1 M.Volleyball

Sussex 1 Portsmouth LSE 1 Portsmouth 4 Chichester 1 Sussex 2 Reading 1 Bucks New Uni. 1



M.Football 4 Netball 3 W.Rugby Union

Bucks New Uni. Kingston 1 St. Mary 1

9th March 2011



Sports Hall Sports Hall Stockley Park Golf Course Multi-use Astro Netball Hall Netball Hall Site 5

16th March 2011




Sports Hall Exercise Studio Site 5 Multi-use Astro Cemetry Pitch Squash Courts Outdoor Courts Netball Hall

23rd March 2011

Adil Khan Deshmukh

13:00 13:00 14:00 15:00 TBC 14:00 14:00 13:00 13:00



TBC Netball Hall Site 5


March 9th, final home game, bring the ntoise

Cricket: Heads held high after Indoor defeat

Tom Leonard Team: Simon Bell (Captain), Tom Leonard, Ben Woodhouse (WK), Scott Doody, Chris Blunt, Adam Warden It was always going to be a tough test for the Brunel Cricket Indoor side, who were drawn in the ‘group of death’ along with National Premier League side Cardiff and Southern Premier League side Exeter. Hard work had gone into the preparation for the BUCS National Semi-Finals, and it almost paid off. Brunel, captained by Simon Bell, won the toss and opted to bowl. With the use of the first new ball of the day, Brunel’s openers Adam Warden (1-30) and Chris Blunt (129) found some swing and pace. Initially the Cardiff batsmen played well and eased to 21. The last ball of the second over, however, drifted down the leg side and clipped the batsman’s leg, with a diving Tom Leonard taking a good catch. Brunel had to wait until the sixth over for their next wicket, when good keeping from Ben Woodhouse saw Bell (1-32) have the batsman stumped from a wide. Suddenly Leonard (2-24) found his length and nicked an edge off the batsman, with Scott Doody holding onto the catch. This was followed with another fine edge the very next ball, taken by Woodhouse, two in two and Cardiff were now 79 for 4. After Blunt’s run out and Warden’s wicket in the final over, removing Cardiff opener Rees for 55, Brunel fancied their chances, chasing 118 in their allotted 12 overs. Leonard and Bell started positively, scoring off almost every ball and, despite Leonard receiving a nasty blow to his wedding tackle, both players retired on 25, with the score at 55 for 0. However, Cardiff then brought on their best bowler and an England-style batting collapse ensued. Doody was caught

for just 4. Woodhouse was run out (a very dubious decision!) for 7 and Blunt nicked behind for a duck. Warden also tried his best but was out for 3, leaving Leonard and Bell to salvage a win at 75 for 4 with only 3 overs left. Unfortunately the form Leonard showed earlier in the game did not make a reappearance, and he was caught without adding to his score of 25. He then promptly ran himself out supporting Bell, the last man standing, as the need for runs became too great. Bell batted superbly for his 39 not out. Brunel were all out for just 85. The game against Exeter was a similar affair. Bell won the toss and decided to bowl first. The same opening bowlers started well, restricting Exeter to just 46 from the opening half of the innings. The opposition, having got their eye in, began scoring freely from this point. Both Exeter openers retired and the rest all chipped in with double figure scores. None of the Brunel bowlers could find a breakthrough, and wickets weren’t taken until the 10th and 12th overs, when Leonard and Blunt both threw in direct hits to run the batsmen out. Exeter finished on the same score as Cardiff, 117 for 2, leaving 118 for Brunel to find. Brunel’s run chase was hard fought and brave. Exeter employed some aggressive bodyline bowling but this wasn’t enough to stop Brunel keeping up with the run rate. Leonard was first to go for 20, but not before receiving another hit to his long-suffering privates! Bell departed soon afterwards for 18 and again the middle order didn’t really have an answer. Woodhouse and Doody both went for 7 respectively and Warden was caught, albeit after a sublime shot, for 4! Despite the inevitability of the oncoming defeat,

Chris Blunt showed the true spirit of the Brunel team, scoring a gutsy 20 despite receiving blows to the head, chest and arm, which pushed Brunel to 100, but not quite over the winning line. Brunel can take many positives out of the tournament. The bowling, fielding and keeping was excellent and they did not make it easy for the Premier League teams to win. Big thanks go to the reserves; Will Knibbs, who scored; and Sam Fieldhouse, who took some lovely photos. My last word is a quick preview to the Outdoor Summer season. Some of you may or may not be aware that Brunel 1sts were promoted into League 1A and retained the League Cup last summer, whilst our 2nds narrowly missed promotion from 3A. This year we arguably have the strongest squad we have had for a long time, with many great players to choose from! Hopefully this year the 1sts and 2nds will see promotion success and cup success too! Below are our home fixtures and it would be great to see some support – it will give you a break from revision, if nothing else! Our home game venues are yet to be decided but it looks like Uxbridge, Ickenham or Harefield Cricket Clubs may host us! Updates will be posted on www. Brunel 1: 27th April vs. Brighton 1s - Home 8th May vs. Kent 1s - Home 11th May vs. Portsmouth 1s - Home Brunel 2: 27th April vs. Portsmouth 3s - Home 11th May vs Brighton 3s - Home 18th May vs Reading 2s - Home OBJECTION! Recycle...

Adil Khan Deshmukh Chris Blunt performing a well executed cut shot

Le Nurb - March 2011

30 Sport

March 2011 - Le Nurb

Sport 31

American Football: Burners chase playoff berth Adil Khan Deshmukh It was a bitterly cold and overcast afternoon on Site 5, where the Brunel Burners looked to continue their march towards securing a place in the playoffs. The Burners went into the match off the back of a two-game winning streak, having shut out the Imperial Immortals and the Surrey Stingers to leave their tally standing at 3 wins, 3 losses. Meanwhile, Oxford Brookes University (OBU) Panthers came to Brunel with a dismal 1-5 record behind them. On the opening drive of the match, the Burners managed to use their defensive play to force a three-and-out, pushing the opposition back towards their own goal. The Burners were unable to capitalise on this early advantage as they were forced to punt the ball away.

Orion Modebe illegally horse-collar tackled

In the first quarter, the Panthers’ offensive line blocked very well, gaining significant yards. The Panthers’ offensive blocking allowed one of their Running Backs to rush for the opening touchdown of the game. Panthers decided to attempt to go for two extra points but were halted by the strong Burner defence, leaving the score at 6-0. OBU took this momentum and hit Bru hard with a second touchdown run, helped again by some excellent blocking from the offensive line. In the whole match, not a single kick for goal was attempted, with both sides opting to try and put the ball back in the end zone for two extra points. OBU failed to tack on the two points for the second time, leaving the score at 12-0. The Burners did not let their heads drop in spite of the twelve point deficit, and they were rewarded when they scored, in

bizarre fashion. Quarterback Joel Brasher-Jones had his pass tipped by the opposing Cornerback on the goal line. He failed to tip to safety, however, instead pushing the ball into Tight End James Putnam’s willing hands for a 12yard touchdown pass. The Burners, much like the Panthers, opted to attempt for, and subsequently fail to gain, two extra points, leaving the score at 6 – 12. The momentum had shifted significantly in favour of the Burners as OBU struggled to get any form of offence going and Brunel levelled the scores when Running Back Orion Modebe rushed for a 2 yard score. The Panthers were already teetering towards impending doom, having seen their significant first quarter lead wiped out by the Bru offence. On the cusp of half time, the Burner defence decided to get in on the act when Cornerback Tom

McGinty intercepted an OBU pass and took the ball to the house for a 40-yard interception TD return. The comeback was underway and Brunel went into the half 20-12 up after they successfully passed the ball back into the end zone for two extra points. In terms of excitement, the second half picked up from where the first half had left off, with high scoring mixed with some controversial calls from the referees. Early in the third quarter, Orion Modebe was brought down illegally by an opposition player pulling his facemask. Everybody on the sideline could see that there was a facemask on the play but the officials missed it - and photographic evidence clearly showed that a bad call had been made. Head Coach Tyrone was left incensed. In terms of calls by the officials, it didn’t get much better for the Burners

after that. On a subsequent OBU drive, an offensive player should have been called for offensive holding on Defensive End (DE) Jermaine Hagan. The referees acknowledged that there was a hold but decided not to penalise OBU for it. Hagan was infuriated at the opposing player and was called for unsportsmanlike conduct. The opposing player aggravated the situation by first cursing at and then ‘shushing’ Coach Tyrone. It was the kind of disrespect that no coach or player should be subject to and, to compound it further, the referees accused Coach Tyrone of using a derogatory comment and ejected him from the game. A few plays later, Brunel were penalised for pulling the facemask in a tackle. The Burners were rightly penalised for a penalty on the play, but it should have been for a horse-collar tackle. Some might say that justice was served

as Brunel were still penalised, but in American Football it is key to know what you’re being penalised for. OBU capitalised on the poor decisions by the referees, scoring their third rushing touchdown of the game and levelling the scores at 20 apiece. This would be OBU’s last glimpse of victory, however, as the Burners bounced back immediately with a 6 yard touchdown run by Modebe, his second of the game. The two extra points were tacked on, with the Burners regaining their 8 point half time lead. Modebe then secured his hat-trick of touchdowns with a 15 yard run to make the score 34-20. The OBU Quarterback tried his best to keep them in the game, making a glorious 60 yard pass which was mercifully picked off by Safety James Yates on the next play. In American Football, it tends to be the team who wins the turnover

battle that ends up winning the match. That was not the case in this game, which had a total of 9 turnovers. Brunel gave away two interception passes, lost two fumbles, and had the ball stripped on another occasion. OBU’s quarterback was picked off on three separate occasions and gave away one fumble, which occurred straight after an intercepted pass. wwAt the end of an emotionally charged match, the Burners emerged as deserving winners, still hoping to make the playoffs with their current record standing at 4-3. FINAL SCORE

Brunel Burners 34-20 OBU Panthers

Ultimate: Mixed success for Frisbee

Squash: Brunel on form for silverware

Jamie Edwards The first weekend of February saw Brunel host a warm-up tournament for the South East Regional Championships. The tournament brought seven universities together to compete in a round robin for top spot. Brunel entered two teams with the help of a few pick-up players. Brunel 1s came away as tournament champions, winning all of their games except a hard-fought 6-6 draw against Roehampton. Most notable was a closely-contested match against DeMontfort Demons, which ended in a 10-7 victory for Brunel. Brunel also entertained two Swansea teams that weekend, defeating our rivals with two more victories for Brunel! On the back of their successful warm-up tournament, Brunel went to the Regional Championships with high spirits; we had to finish 6th out of 23 to reach the Nationals. This was always going to be a tough task, with two of the best teams in the country attending. The day started early, with teams leaving Brunel at 7am, and during a two-hour drive most of the team caught up on some much-needed sleep! Our first game against Kent 2s went according to plan with a win, 15 - 2. After a decent break, it was time for our second game against Royal Holloway. This was a game we had to win, but Brunel were 2-0 down within 5 minutes. We soon bucked our ideas up and started trading points again. The match became extremely physical, with both teams throwing themselves at every disc, but a few individual mistakes and a serious injury to Jack Burgess resulted in Brunel

Gary O’Brien As the weeks draw in on the 2010/11 season, Brunel Squash are in an excellent position to pick up some trophies this year. We must acknowledge the fantastic efforts of the 3s. In their first season, the boys secured a mid-table position in 3A and put together a fantastic cup run, losing out in the Quarter Finals against a strong Surrey 2s team. The 2s also bowed out in the Quarter Finals to Kings College 1s. They put in a strong league performance this season but nonetheless missed out on winning 3A on the last day of the season. The 1s still have two matches left in the league, and it is a busy end to the season for them. Sitting top of 2A and yearning to

get back into 1A, their matches are against lower league opposition to confirm the league win. They are also to play Kings College 1s away in the Semi Finals of the SE Conference Cup. At the weekend of 19th February, Brunel competed in the prestigious Roehampton University club cup. They were missing their usual #1 and #2, but this gave a chance for 4 middle order 1st teamers, and prospective women’s captain Jo Barnard (for 1 female player was compulsory) a chance to shine. They did this superbly, surpassing 1A winners Imperial and only narrowly losing the semi-finals to Durham. The 3rd and 4th place playoff was a tight affair against Surrey 1st; the match being decided on the last

game. Brunel clinched third place and won tickets to the World Open at Canary Wharf. This prize was presented by Alison Waters, England #2 and current world #3. The teams have performed incredibly this year and they deserve to be rewarded with the prospective prizes. We wish Adam Southey, Dom Trewin, Gary O’Brien and Steve Nichols every best wish for BUCS on 25th/26th February and hope for continued success next year including the first BUCS league appearance for a Women’s team. Please come and support matches when Brunel playing at home. If you are interested in playing visit www.

David Archer Brunel 3s’ hopes of reaching the Semi-Finals of the cup were dashed as Portsmouth 3s scored a winner just fifteen minutes from time in the late afternoon sunshine. Brunel began the game sluggishly, allowing Portsmouth time and space on the ball. Pompey should have been ahead after two minutes when a ball over the top split the home team’s defence and presented a one-onone opportunity that the Brunel fans were grateful to see fly well over the crossbar. Brunel began to grow into the game and forced a corner and a few crosses that Portsmouth’s keeper gratefully claimed. Unfortunately, a simple ball over the top after

21 minutes left the away side in on goal, an opportunity which Pompey’s number 19 took by slotting into an empty net after linking well with his teammate. Portsmouth then went in search of another and found it three minutes later, after the ubiquitous number 19 controlled a cross on his chest, brought the ball down and finished with aplomb, beating keeper Tique at his near post. Brunel responded well to this goal, with a good build up leading to an audacious volley wide. A few moments later, they again came close to pulling one back, with an effort going just over the bar. Brunel’s perseverance was rewarded with just five minutes remaining in the half, when Danny

Horshoe bulleted a shot from 25 yards, into the top right hand corner, after some excellent buildup play. The rather sparse crowd went wild, but Portsmouth nearly silenced the throng moments later when they should have restored their two goal lead. Their striker, on his hat trick, was put through and tried to go around the keeper. But alas, he went too far and the ball trickled out for a goal kick. In the second half, Brunel chased an equaliser and dominated the early exchanges. They attacked down the right wing and whipped in a dangerous cross that Pompey’s keeper fumbled but managed to gather eventually, despite a zealous Brunel forward putting in a challenge that left the keeper

being 8-5 down when the claxon went. This meant the game points-cap was 9, so we were still in with a shout. Brunel gave an amazing display of Frisbee, with two mammoth points going our way to bring the score to 8-7 to Holloway. We all thought this was our game, but a quick Holloway point block and an end zone play gave them the winning point. We were disappointed with the result, especially after having beaten them at our own tournament a few weeks earlier. This dampened our spirits, but knowing we could still reach Nationals spurred us on. There wasn’t time for a rest; we were straight on again, playing Portsmouth Sublime. We were all physically drained, and this was not going to help us in playing the current national champions. Brunel just couldn’t compete on the same level as Pompey and another serious injury to Joss Coombes saw us lose the game 15-2. At the end of the group stage, Brunel had finished third, which meant a crossover match with the hosts, Chichester Cobras. Brunel walked away with this match with a 15 -5 victory which produced a lot of laughs and some amazing layouts on show. This win seeded us 11th at the end of the first day, which kept us in contention for a top 6 finish if we beat 6th seeds Surrey Scorpions in the first game on Sunday morning. On the back of a beautiful night’s sleep on a Sports Hall floor, we were all ready to go. Surrey on the other hand, who had slept in their own beds, looked in much better shape as we lined up. Scorpions took an early lead and with our injuries we struggled

to match them, going 8-0 down at half time. Nevertheless we came out fighting, clawing back 4 points in a beautiful display of liquid Frisbee. In the end, Surrey were too strong and with the extra men for subs, the final score was 13-4. We didn’t go down without fighting, though; the Surrey captain admitted they had to work hard for their points, and no point was an easy one. This now left us out of running for Nationals, so the consensus was to enjoy our last two games and show what we could achieve when we relaxed. Close rivals and friends, Reading Dragons, were our next opponents, and what with both teams having nothing to lose, went all out for the win. The match was tight at the end, finishing 10-9 to Dragons, but Brunel should have won had it not been for a few drops in the end zone. This loss resulted in Brunel playing Sussex Mohawks 2s in the last game of the day. Everybody was feeling it at the end of the day, and the pitch conditions weren’t exactly ideal (much the same for the whole weekend) but regardless, Brunel produced their best Frisbee of the whole weekend, wining emphatically 12-7 with a few great scores by Stewart Bailey. This brought an end to a tournament of highs and lows, and we came away feeling pretty happy overall, with some great team performances.

Adil Khan Deshmukh

3rd place Brunel receive award from Alison Waters and Paul Lindsay

Football: Thirds dumped out of Cup


Brunel 12 - 7 Sussex Mohawks 2s

Adil Khan Deshmukh

Chairman Jonny Mudd gets low to release the disc

He only exists if you’re recycling him - now try not to bin him

And on that bombshell, recycle

down for a few minutes. Craig Bartlett urged the team on to find the equaliser and they did just that with half an hour left on the clock. Mathieu Cannon was fed the ball nicely, executed a neat turn and tucked the ball sweetly into the bottom left hand corner to bring the scores level. Portsmouth were struggling to get the ball as Brunel piled on the pressure and looked as though they might complete the turnaround. They almost found a winner through the efforts of the number 13 and number 7, with the latter performing an acrobatic overhead kick, but the shot flew straight at the keeper. Chaos struck fifteen minutes from time, however, as confusion at the back allowed Portsmouth to regain the

lead through a simple goal into an empty net. Portsmouth sprang into life as they again found the dangerous edge that they’d had for most of the first half. Tique was forced into a brilliant save to deny Pompey a fourth. Whilst Brunel still created chances of their own, with Danny Horshoe being particularly effective down the left. When he was brought down on the edge of the box, Brunel almost found an equaliser from the resulting free kick but had their effort cleared off the line. Ultimately, Brunel’s secondhalf dominance and pressure went unrewarded as Portsmouth celebrated a hard-fought 3-2 win and moved through to the SemiFinal of the Cup.

Le Nurb - March 2011

32 Sport

Le Sport

Rugby Union: Brunel destroy St. Mary’s Adil Khan Deshmukh

Sam Randles beats last man to score wonder try SPORT CONTENTS




Fixtures & Cricket


American Football


Squash & Football


Rugby Union

How we’re doing

Brunel vs. St. Mary’s

Adil Khan Deshmukh The sky was blue, the sun was out – perfect conditions for rugby on Site 5 – and it doesn’t get much bigger than Brunel vs. St. Mary’s! The occasion for these two enemies being pitted against each other was a quarter-final clash in the South East Conference Cup and the tension before kickoff manifested in an eerie silence around the ground. One thing was for certain: both teams were pumped up for this clash and emotions would almost certainly run high. Brunel came out of the blocks quickly, with centre Sam Portland going in under the posts for the opening try of the match. Minutes later, Bru scored again, with Portland following a free-flowing move after winning our own lineout ball. St. Mary’s just couldn’t deal with Portland’s powerful running as he drove Brunel over the game line again and again. Fly-half Tom Stokes made it two conversions out of two, bringing the score to 14-0. From the ensuing kick-off, what can only be described as very sloppy play allowed St. Mary’s to get back into the game. Brunel inexplicably failed to secure the ball from the initial punt and an opposition player took advantage to go over for a converted try. Midway through the first half, Brunel regained their two-try cushion, with full back Sam Randles going over in the corner to make it 21-7. Meanwhile, a moment of brilliance came from scrum half Alex Pugh, who jinked past a defender after picking the ball up from the back of a ruck before beating another two players to go over near the posts for a converted try. A second act of sloppy play from Brunel allowed St. Mary’s to score their second try of the match, with a couple of missed tackles allowed

an opposing player to go over in the corner. The score at the half was 2812 after Stokes missed a penalty on the stroke of half time with an underpowered kick. The second half was a much lower-scoring affair, with only twelve points being taken in total. The half was notable, however, for a moment of magic by Randles. A clearance kick from St. Mary’s was caught by Randles on Brunel’s 10m line. He then proceeded to break through St. Mary’s initial defence line and used his blistering pace and agility to beat half of the Simmie team, before sending the crowd wild by going over under the posts. It was probably one of the best tries scored by a Brunel player this year, made all the sweeter by coming against archrivals St. Mary’s. St. Mary’s saw a glimmer of hope early on in the second half after another case of poor tackling from Brunel allowed them to score their third try of the match. The last 25 minutes of the match were battled out in the midfield, with neither team putting significant pressure on the opposing side. This was partially due to the number of penalties each side gave away and the fact that the game turned sloppy, with handling errors cropping up all too frequently. This didn’t put a dampener on celebrations at the full time whistle, with Brunel entertaining the fans with their customary ‘Disco’ celebration. The performance from Brunel was a joy to behold at times, with the team playing to their true potential, despite missing a few key players. The team played with the freedom and speed of a unit that is high in confidence. If they perform to that potential consistently, then Brunel Rugby could find themselves picking up silverware this season.

Fencing: Brunel within reach of honours Christopher Mollard With the Men’s team sitting at the top end of the table and already through to the SemiFinals of the BUCS Cup, 2010/11 is proving to be a successful season with a real possibility of both league and cup glory. There was a disappointing end to the first term ,with a close match against Surrey 1s resulting in the only loss inflicted upon Brunel Men this season. But after an extended league break, the Men’s team, led by Alex Williamson, kicked off with four wins in as many games and are now looking to go one better than last year and book their place in the Final of the cup. First, though, they must overcome Surrey 1s in the Semi-

Final, a team with whom Brunel have built up something of a rivalry in recent years. Hopefully, Brunel’s good run of form will be the difference and allow them to blaze through to their first cup final. The Women, led by Monique Wright, also had great success at the beginning of the season, storming off the line to place first in the league by the end of December, before having a dip in results due to absences and injuries. Once everyone was back and fully fit they put up a better fight but could only maintain their mid-league position. The women’s league finishes by the end of January followed by the cup. Brunel defied the odds as they defeated Imperial 2s (a team Please recycle

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they lost twice to this season) by 3 points to take their place in the second round. They travelled to Aberystwyth to stake a claim for a place in the quarter-finals...results to follow. Having only been formed a year ago, the women’s team has done fantastically well to have come this far in the knockout cup and a top half finish would be a result worth celebrating. At the end of November, several fencers travelled to Gloucester to participate in the BUCS Individual Championship. The results achieved show how far the club has progressed in recent years with positive displays in all weapons.

Adil Khan Deshmukh

Katie’s delight after winning Silver

Issue 7 2010/11