Page 1

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Template 1


October 2010

ELECTION SPECIAL 99 bottles of beer on the wall Ben BenMoxey Moxey

UBS staged its annual Freshers’ Fayre on September 21st. This year’s Fayre was on a far greater scale than any previous Freshers’ Weeks. Since the move to the IAC in 2009, the Fayre has continued to grow in size and the number of clubs represented has grown exponentially. This year set a record for attendance, with over 7000 people, staff and students alike, passing through the doors. A truly great achievement for all those involved in the project. The event went smoothly with very few hitches, though one student had to be treated by the St. John’s Ambulance crew for pulling a muscle in their shoulder after trying to carry off too many freebies. However, the Fayre did begin with some controversy occurring the previous night. As part of the ‘goodie-bag’ that all students at the Fayre received, several thousand bottles of Frosty Jack cider were also delivered. This, cider from one of the UK’s leading brands, was supposedly included to give students a fun time. (or a hangover – Ed.) At 7.5% ABV this stuff is lethal. In addition, putting alcohol into the Freshers’ goodie-bags would would have been vastly short-sighted. What about those students who don’t drink? Those who refuse to on religious grounds? What about the message

it sends to the Freshers? Thankfully the Student Officers, elected to be your voice on all matters in the Union, took up the issue immediately. They pressganged a group of Contacts to hoist the offending liquor from the IAC and return it to the brewers. Reports that the Contacts were screaming and crying whilst doing this were later found to be untrue. Some students who saw this started moaning that the Union should have kept it, maybe selling it behind the bar or mixing it into cocktails. Sadly, while the bar manager would love nothing better than to flog free booze for a tidy profit, it was a gift and shouldn’t be sold on. More to the point, accepting the offending alcohol also flaunts the union’s Responsible Drinking Policy. Many students were outraged that the cider wasn’t given out. But that outrage should be aimed at the brewery, Aston Manor, and the student marketing firm BAM. The fact that they think it acceptable to push such high strength tramp-brew onto students, most of whom are away from home for the first time, is disgraceful. Students do not need more pressure to drink; there are enough sources of cheap booze out there without UBS pushing free alcohol in your face … so well done UBS for saving us from the evils of the world.

Roomic Cube

Eastern Gateway construction starts

into a new administration building, complete with a state-of-the-art auditorium. Building work has finally begun on the Ever noticed the building site by the Kingston Lane entrance to the university? project, with the majority of the materials Believe it or not, this area is set to transform arriving on site in a ‘just in time’ movement. Think of it like a flat packed building from Ikea if you will; all of the columns, stairs, lift shafts and floor slabs will be assembled off site. Many critics have complained about the delays experienced with this project, also questioning its financial significance, particularly as university funding is placed under further constraints by the government’s Comprehensive Spending Review. Amy Blackford

Please Recycle

Le Nurb - October 2010

2 Welcome Template

Foreword from the Editor

This Month...

Submitting Your Articles


FILE FORMAT Please send articles as an MS Word compatible document (.doc or .docx format). We do not accept Microsoft Works documents (.wps) or any other proprietary format.

Everyone seems to have liked the September issue, which is a nice reward for all the time and effort that went into it. This issue is a nice short one. UBS News has been temporarily replaced by the Autumn Elections manifestos in the centre pull-out section, Coffee Break has the solutions to last month’s Sudokus (congratulations everyone who solved the evil one) and the horoscopes are as cheerful as ever. To answer a few questions: no, I don’t get paid for being editor; yes, I am a fulltime student; and no, we don’t have any expenses budget whatsoever. Everyone involved with Le Nurb is a volunteer through and through! Talking of which, please do come and volunteer with us. People often ask me “why didn’t you run an article about so-and-so?” My answer is always: “Le Nurb can only publish what it receives. If we don’t receive any articles about a given event, how can we cover it?” If you want to see us covering issues that are close to you, come and write about them! See the panel to the right for details of how to get involved. In the wider world, we have the impending NUS “Stop Education Cuts” demo on 10th November (more about that in November’s edition), Labour are lurching to the left (and the political wilderness) after a union placeman was appointed as their party leader and, as I write this, the Chilean miners should be out of their collapsed mine in a few hours. Vince Cable’s also just accepted that universities should be able to charge what they please for degree courses; a move that will drive student debt through the roof. Never let it be said that the Lib Dems are a student-friendly party: they have consistently lied over and again on their tuition fee policy. On that cheerful note, see you in November!

Brunel and the wider world







Images submitted alongside your articles must not be copyrighted by another individual or organisation. Please don’t just nick pictures off Google Image Search; we can’t use them 99% of the time!


ARTICLE LENGTH Articles should be no longer than 450 words unless discussed in advance with the Section Editor.

19 Gaz Corfield - Editor


La Belle Paris and the Tory Engineer

All the candidates, all the details

Films! Music! Poetry! Pubs.

Uxbridge campus: a photographic history





Brain-teasers and the comic strip

Netball victory & kayaking trip


Editor Gaz Corfield

IMAGES Images should be .jpg or .png format and attached separately. Please don’t embed images into Word documents: this compresses them too much for use on the page.

SEND TO: - General enquiries & complaints - News articles - In-depth articles on a given topic - Reviews and non-news articles about the arts - Everything sport-related DEADLINE FOR INCLUSION IN ISSUE 3: Monday, October 25.

Four Words from the Chief Designer

News Editor Amy Blackford Features Editor Natasha Prayag Arts & Reviews Editor Paul Dunn Sport Editor Ben Vallely


Chief Designer Vic Jeganathan Designers Robert Hunt Adam James James Squire Enya Williams

“Ha! I have minions!” More from Vic next month.

All articles and pictures © their respective authors unless otherwise indicated. Views expressed are those of the writers and do not reflect the official position of UBS or Brunel University. Published by: Union of Brunel Students, Cleveland Road, Uxbridge. UB8 3PH

Issue 3 out November 4th.

Printed by: Harmsworth Printing Derby, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby, DE1 2BH

Please recycle this newspaper, it’s the right thing to do...

October 2010 - Le Nurb

News 3 Template

Drug smuggling air hostess jailed for seven years Amy AmyBlackford Blackford Elphia Dlamini, 42, was jailed for importing drugs on Friday 24th September 2010 at Isleworth Crown Court, after pleading guilty. Dlamini, originally from Cape Town, was arrested at Heathrow Airport in July after a random stop and search procedure with sniffer dogs. It was later revealed that she had intended to smuggle £120,000 worth of cocaine into the country.

Brunel aims to boost Metals Industry

Peter Avery, assistant director at the UK Border Agency’s criminal and financial investigations directorate, said: “This drug smuggling attempt is particularly serious because this woman has sought to abuse her position, thinking the UK Border Agency would pay less attention to airline and airport staff.” Dlamini previously pleaded guilty to importation of drugs at Uxbridge Magistrates’ Court.

Mad House Photography

Tube Strikes lead to cancelled lectures Amy Blackford Despite the ever-increasing number of Londoners ditching public transport and cycling or walking to work, the London Underground strike during Sunday 3rd and Monday 4th October still caused major disruption for many. After plans to axe eight hundred jobs, members of the RMT and TSSA unions began their second twenty four hour strike of the year. The majority of tube services were either cancelled or majorly delayed. Howard Collins, chief operating officer of the London Underground, claimed that “only 30% of tube trains were running.” The London Underground is the third busiest metro system in Europe with a huge five million people affected by the tube strike. With around twenty universities in London and a large percentage of student living off campus, critics argue the unfairness of students who are paying £3290 a year in tuition fees when their learning is disrupted because lecturers cannot get in to teach. Brunel University was just one of the

many universities affected by the strike. The Piccadilly line was cancelled and the Metropolitan line experienced major delays. Alternative modes of transport were used with students even paying for taxis to get to lectures. Denise, 21, an off-campus first year Biomedical Sciences student at Brunel, usually takes the Piccadilly line. During the strike, however, she had to pay over ten pounds to get a taxi.. “With tuition fees being so high, I cannot afford to get taxis often”. Despite the unrest of people nationwide further strikes are planned for the 2nd and 28th of November.

Claire ClaireMason Mason Brunel University plans to renovate UK metals manufacturing with a new Engineering and Physical Sciences Research Council (EPSRC) funded research centre. The university has launched a £9million metal engineering centre which promises to update the UK’s manufacturing sector. The research centre plans to make a significant contribution to the £17billion a year metals industry through the expansion of advanced technologies for re-use, re-manufacture and recycling of secondary metals. Professor Zhongyun Fan, Professor of Metallurgy at Brunel University, will direct the Innovative Manufacturing Research Centre for Liquid Metals Engineering (LiME). He said: “The metal industry has traditionally been strong in the UK, but in recent years it has fallen into decline due to the economic downturn and competition overseas. As a sector that employs 400,000 people and brings billions into the economy, the Government has recognised the need to invest in new research and new technologies that will secure a future for key manufacturing industries (that) depend on a supply of highperformance metallic materials.”

Also contributing to the development of the research centre are 15 industrial partners from across the supply chain, as well as industry trade bodies and knowledge transfer networks. They will invest £4.6million towards the project, with the remaining investment from EPSRC totalling £4.5million over a five-year period. Professor Geoff Rodgers, Pro-ViceChancellor for Research at Brunel University, said: “The launch of LiME is a significant event for Brunel University. It positions Brunel as an internationally leading contributor to research in manufacturing, a sector vitally important to the UK economy. The LiME programme will develop a portfolio of innovative metal processing technologies, which will allow greater levels of metal recycling, thereby substantially reducing both the world’s energy consumption and its CO2 emissions. Access to these technologies will allow the UK metal casting industry and its customers to improve their competitiveness in global markets.” The news of the project was first announced in January by Lord Mandelson, the then secretary of State for Business, as part of a £70m investment in EPSRC centres across the UK.

Famous British comic dies after series of strokes Rosie Hayes The late comic actor Sir Norman Wisdom has died aged 95. Performing in over 20 films throughout his life, he began his career in 1948. After Charlie Chaplin, Wisdom was regarded as one of the biggest comedy figures of his time. With a career that spanned seven decades and 32 sitcoms, his movies, continuously highlighting the plight of the underdog, were popular with the young and old.

Sir Norman’s slapstick style was always portrayed with sensitivity and charisma, happiness and laughter being the result. His askew cap and ill-fitting uniform became his trademark look, though in reality he was a perfectionist who would often rehearse new sketches for up to a week. The Billy Marsh Associates, the agency responsible for Wisdom’s discovery in the 1950s, called him “a beloved comic genius.” Sir Norman became very popular in Albania, as his films were the only ones allowed to be played in the previous communist dictatorship.

Seriously, recycle, we mean it.

Knighted in 2000 as Sir Norman Wisdom, he was a favourite of the Royal Family. He kept fit for many years, still performing stage acts into his eighties. The actor died at a nursing home on Monday 4th October 2010 on the Isle of Man after suffering a series of strokes over the past six months. He was said to have physically and mentally declined during his last days. One thing is for sure, however: he will be most certainly be remembered as one of Britain’s most successful screen comics.

Le Nurb - October 2010

4 News Template

Increase in University Fees Image: René Ehrhardt

Iranian President stuns UN conference

Anujit Kaur

Mahmoud Ahmedinejad triggered outrage at the last UN summit conference, claiming that the unforgettable 9/11 attacks were an ‘inside job’. Whilst the remaining world leaders discussed the possible reduction of global poverty, Ahmedinejad took the opportunity to blame the US government for the supposed terrorist attacks in September 2001, saying “some segments within the US government orchestrated the attack to reverse the declining American economy and its grip on the Middle East, in order to save the Zionist regime.” Ahmedinejad’s unexpected speech sparked an outcry both in and out of the UN headquarters, New York, causing the present American delegates to walk out of the assembly hall shortly after the allegations were made. Surprisingly, the controversial President did receive some applause as he walked off the UN stage. US State Department spokesman P.J Crowley has responded to Ahmedinejad’s statement: “We know exactly who did it, they’ve admitted it, the facts are not in dispute, so for the President of Iran to come here and make the suggestion that somehow this was an American plot, is simply outrageous.”

Gaz Corfield

Image: Ivan Walsh

Universities and university students across the country await recommendations over the future of fees. A report in the Sunday Times stated that Lord Browne was considering raising fees to £7,000, with the option of a further £3,000. It was also suggested that wealthy students could avoid excess charge by paying in advance. It is widely expected that students will have to repay their loans at a high interest rate. This will allow institutions to provide better

care over the poorer students by prioritising their funding over the middle classes. Ministers would then risk uproar if these plans go ahead, and may rebrand this tuition fee increase as ‘graduate-contributions’. Browne is also expected to suggest a decrease in student loans and grants. This is intended to enable increased focus on poorer students. If this plan goes ahead middle-class students can expect to be in £80,000 debt after a three-year degree and living costs. We await Browne’s suggestions this week.

PM and Labour leader go head-to-head at question time Gaz Corfield In a frank exchange on Wednesday, Prime Minister David Cameron and Labour leader Ed Miliband clashed over proposed spending cuts. Miliband accused the Conservative prime minister of implementing cuts to child benefits that would “squeeze middle earners”. Cameron retorted that the better off should be “doing their bit” towards reducing the deficit. He also claimed that the Labour leader’s stance meant that less well-off families would be “subsidising” the benefits paid to wealthy families under the current system. Referring to the Labour party’s trade union paymasters, Miliband also claimed that the narrowly-averted BBC strike, due to have taken place during the Conservative party conference, would have favoured David Cameron’s policy announcements by closing down coverage of them altogether. Throughout Question Time, Miliband was very much on the offensive, seeking to lay verbal traps for his opponent. However, the Prime Minister’s robust approach to Miliband was characterised by reminders that the current financial crisis was caused by Labour’s mishandling of the British economy. Esther Mcvey, Conservative MP for Wirral West, also questioned the Prime Minister on the graduate tax proposed

by Vince Cable, the Lib Dem Business Secretary. Cameron soundly rubbished the idea of a graduate tax: “It doesn’t work and [the scheme] wouldn’t pay for itself until 2041.” Lord Browne’s report into tuition fees recommends that graduates pay commercial levels of interest on student loans, but also says that the threshold for repayments should be raised to £21,000.

Twenty-three Communist Party elders have made a plea for political change in China. A letter outlined their demands regarding freedom of speech and censorship. This comes before an important party conference that will shape the future of the country. Party elders want free distribution of newspapers from Hong Kong and to abolish book publishing restrictions. The signatories have also asked for respectful treatment of journalists. In addition, their demands suggest new laws should be passed ensuring the safety of journalists exploring corruption and scandal within the government. This would be accompanied by breaking the link between government censorship and the media. Although the politicians want to remove the power of China’s cyber-police, comments on Twitter about the proposed reforms are already being deleted. Whilst evidence of the letter’s existence is being destroyed, it creates political problems for the ruling regime. The letter’s signatories were once powerful officials, so the government will face trouble dealing with the criticisms effectively without giving the letter substance.

UBS 1 - Liquid 1 Lancashire primary Le Nurb Reporter Two weeks ago, Joel Brasher-Jones (Joel BJ) braved the perils of Uxbridge town centre and went into Liquid, an infamous den of iniquity. Unfortunately, after being caught promoting the Academy, Joel BJ was promptly removed from the premises. This follows an incident where the general manager of Liquid was refused entry to the Academy. As Academy’s admissions policy only allows Brunel students or bona fide guests of Brunel students to enter the venue, this was not surprising. In an act of petty spite, Liquid’s manager retaliated against UBS by banning the Academy’s manager from his club. Le Nurb awaits the next development with interest.

News 5 Template

Communists demand Strategic Defence change in China and Security Review

Image: jlcwalker

Sharna ShamaHeir Heir

October 2010 - Le Nurb

school in drugs scandal Shoruk Khaddour

Four primary school pupils have been suspended from their Lancashire school after being found with Cannabis. The nine-yearold boys were found with small amounts of the Class B drug at Cherry Fold Community Primary School in Burnley on Friday 1st October 2010. Police were called to the school after the drugs were found on the pupils and they have been excluded from the school pending an investigation. The boys were issued with youth referral orders after the police had spoken to them and their parents. Deanne Marsh, acting head teacher at the

If you don’t recycle, it’ll only end up in the River Pinn; think of the fish!

The coalition government’s long-awaited review of the UK’s defence capabilities will be delivered on Monday 18th October. Over the summer, speculation has run rife about the content of the review, with many commentators speculating that large cuts will cause the cancellation of key MoD projects. Amongst the most talked-about items have been the Royal Navy’s two new aircraft carriers. Hailed as the future of the RN’s ability to defend British interests abroad, the carriers are currently billions of pounds over budget. Supporters of the scheme claim that having two carriers is vital to maintain an effective blue-water fleet, whilst others point out the huge costs associated with completing the vessels. It is thought that one carrier may be launched as planned, with the other being placed into “extended readiness” as soon as it has been completed; effectively mothballing it. Air defence has also come under close scrutiny, with the Royal Air Force’s new Eurofighter Typhoon jets facing determined criticism from commentators within the Army. Senior RAF officers point to the increased threat from the resurgent Russian Air Force, which in recent months has stepped up spy flights over the North Sea towards UK airspace. There are also grave concerns regarding Argentina’s intentions towards the Falkland Islands. Christina Fernandez de Kirchner, Argentina’s president, has been notably belligerent towards the UK in her recent speeches. A British fishing trawler was also stopped by an Argentine warship earlier this week. It is thought that large cuts to the RAF and RN may encourage the Argentineans to repeat their ill-fated attempt to invade the Falklands in 1982. school, said the pupils were “currently not at school while investigations are carried out into an incident at the school”. She added: “It would not be appropriate for me to comment further as we take our pupils’ confidentiality and safety very seriously and we are still looking into all the circumstances.” According to local reports, the mother of one of the suspended boys claimed that some of the drugs were being dealt by the boys for as little as 50p. A police spokeswoman said: “We were called to the school following reports that four children had been found in possession of cannabis” Lancashire police have said there is no evidence the pupils were dealing drugs on school grounds.

Sana SanaUqba Uqba

daniella zalcman

Postgrad Welcome Party successful Gaz Corfield The annual Postgraduate Welcome Party was held on Wednesday 6th October in the John Crank gardens. Organised by the Graduate School, the party was held in a purpose-erected marquee. Entertainments included a cocktail bar, a shisha café, a bouncy castle and a giant chess set. Turnout for the party was high, with many students coming directly from lectures. Unfortunately, the queues for the bar and the barbecue proved too long for many attendees, and many drifted away as the evening went on. All of the elected Student Officers were present throughout, and at the conclusion of the outdoor event they led the remaining revellers into the Academy, where the party continued until 2am. Highlights of the evening included the barbecue and the band, Classix, who rocked the audience with a selection of classic rock covers dating from the 80s to the present day.

Courtney Cox splits from husband Anujit Kaur Friends star Courtney Cox and husband David Arquette have announced they are separating after eleven years of marriage. Rumours surrounding their split include an emotional affair between Cox and her Cougar Town co-star, Brian Van Holt. The couple, who met on the set of Scream in 1996, have officially announced their trial separation. Arquette added Cox is “the greatest woman [he’s] ever met.” The couple claim they still love each other deeply. Cracks in the Hollywood pair’s marriage came to light when Cox’s Friends costar and best friend Jennifer Aniston split from husband Brad Pitt in 2005.

News in Brief Whole new SHAG week

Students at a US University, Duke, have seen their dirty washing aired on the net. Karen Owen drew up a 42-page document reporting on her ‘horizontal academic studies’, in which she ranked 13 of her conquests, awarding each a mark out of 10. While most scored well, Subject 2 only received a 1. Poor bugger.

Degree fees to rise

Under a new report being presented to the Government this week, it’s likely that the tuition fee cap will be lifted, seeing fees rise to near double the current £3290 limit. In addition, the present ‘zero’ rate of interest on loans could make way for a ‘real’ rate. The Lib Dems are said to be opposed to the changes and are expected to vote against their Coalition partners.

Who has the ticket?

Last Friday’s Euromillions jackpot is still unclaimed, say officials. The British winner of the £113m jackpot has not come forward to collect their winnings. While officials have urged people to check behind sofas and in wallets, I think it unlikely that any of our readers will have bought the ticket; you have already entered the biggest lottery of all, a British University.

“This is an ex-parrot!”

Trading Standards have recently issued a warning to all pet lovers looking to make a new addition to their homes. The problem comes from a number of purchases of pets, including parrots, offered at low prices by internet sellers. Subsequently, when said pet was delivered it was found to have passed on, gone to meet its maker ... you know the rest.

Kiwi TV host in racist slur

Paul Henry, a top New Zealand TV host, has been sacked after footage showing him laughing at the name of the Chief Minister of Dehli circulated the Internet. Shelia Dikshit, 72, was so offended that the Indian government has called for the New Zealand High Commissioner to investigate the ‘vulgar and insensitive comments’.

Well Oil Be!

Terrible pun aside, this year’s top Halloween costume is a BP boiler suit, spattered in oil. More than 10,000 outfits have been sold already, mainly through the site of the manufacturer, FunWorld. The VP of Fun World had this to say: “We like to add a bit of social commentary to the celebrations. The holiday is about horror, and people are horrified by BP’s actions.”

Argentina complains about noisy neighbours

WRITE FOR US! Le Nurb accepts submissions from any Brunel student. See page 2 to find out how to get involved!

If you haven’t seen any fish in the Pinn, it’s probably too late for them.

The President of Argentina, Cristina Kirchner, has publicly complained about the MoD’s military tests currently taking place on the Falkland Islands. She went on to describe the Royal Navy as ‘pirates’ and declared that the British government was behaving like an ‘Imperial power’. She made the comments on the microblogging site Twitter. Wow, what an age we live in. Argentina have computers. Wow

Brunel Graduate out of Strictly

Goldie, the DJ, actor and recent Brunel honorary graduate, has been ejected from hit BBC show Strictly Come Dancing. After he called the show ‘a bit of a pantomime’, viewers showed him the door, even though the judges awarded him higher points than Anne Widdecombe and Peter Shilton. In other reality TV news, X Factor happened. And isn’t that wonderful for all of us.

Le Nurb - October 2010

6 Features Template

A Tory Engineer’s Reflection on Vince Cable’s Address to Conference The Tory Engineer On Wednesday, Vince Cable delivered a speech at the Liberal Democrat conference, no longer as the deputy leader of the party, but as a senior minister in government. Leaked extracts suggested that Mr Cable would launch a massive assault upon free-market capitalism, large businesses and the much vilified bankers. The full speech was not the Communist Manifesto it was hyped up as, but the minister’s comments were deeply worrying to many in the financial sector. So, now he is an active participant at the Treasury, rather than just an outside commentator, what do the proposals for the Secretary of State for Business, Innovation and Skills mean? A few suggestions were sound. Splitting up large banks into retail and investment is a necessary move. Bailing out bankrupt institutions consolidates failure, especially at the top, by allowing incompetent or selfish directors to keep hurting the economy, safe in the knowledge that the company they control is too big to be allowed to fail. Separating people’s hard earned savings from risky but lucrative market trading would mean no more rewards for individual stupidity in the sector. Cable spoke of new sources of income for the country; high tech industries can potentially be the big earners for Britain. The minister identified a lack of personnel holding back further developments, not only of high end science and engineering graduates, but also the multitude of skilled workers who learn their trades in college and the work place, instead of lecture halls. For too long, British education has been shoving more people into

academia, and it’s great that this minister and the Conservative, David Willets, want to tackle both the practical separation between higher and further education, as well as the snobbish cultural preference for academic studies over hard work. So much for what was good. While this is not going to be popular in a university paper, higher education cannot continue to be under-funded as it currently is, and the shortfall is going to have to come from students. Cable wants a graduate tax so that his party can avoid a u-turn on the letter of their manifesto commitments against tuition fees. Never mind that it is against the spirit of their promises to protect students from being charged more, as long as they can weasel their way from actually having to backtrack on something specific, it’ll do. But, why go against a range of fees for different institutions? Why not let people work out how much they might expect to earn based on their talents and then pick a university with a course fee that accurately reflects what they’ll be able to pay back? Why charge the same amount for degrees in different subjects when both the course costs and the industry demands are not the same? Why punish people who do a cheaper degree but then manage to command a higher salary, but reward people who do expensive degrees and then fail to put them to use? The argument is that tuition fees deter poorer students, and while it’s currently true, there is no reason why wealth should be the determining factor. What’s needed is better guidance, a more helpful Student Loans company and degrees whose price tags clearly reflect their value in the market place. Once these are in place, students from any background will be able to judge whether a particular subject and institution is right for them. The only remaining unfairness to students from poorer backgrounds will be a result of the educational gap between state and private

schools. That’s not an argument against tuition fees. That’s an argument for school reform. Step forward, Michael Gove. Cable had greater themes, attacking capitalism in general. To do this; he roped in one of the great economic theorists, Adam Smith, who championed free markets. Luckily, Adam Smith is over 200 years dead and therefore unable to point out the minister’s selective and unrepresentative quoting of his vast tracts of theory relating to relatively unfettered markets. Cable, completely against the spirit of Smith’s The Wealth of Nations, argued for more regulation using a quotation that in its complete form suggests how dangerous regulation can be. He also wants to channel money into small, non-property businesses. He wants to ‘pick winners’, something the government is spectacularly bad at doing, even when it does it for moral reasons. For example, the recent recession was linked to the US Government tinkering with the housing market, allowing poorer American families to get onto the property ladder, but keeping interest rates artificially low for too long. Government is often more short sighted than individual corporations. Finally, Vince sounded off on bankers, calling them ‘spivs and gamblers’, but claimed he was not seeking retribution. Maybe not. But, he’s certainly handing out populist rhetoric to a public and a party that is. The financial sector is one of Britain’s most significant assets; all its resources will be needed for any investment in technology initiatives, and it needs to stick around afterwards as well. It’s no use switching from being dangerously reliant on the financial services to being dangerously reliant on technology. The UK needs diverse sources of income and we should not be undermining any sector of the economy because of public resentment based largely on a ‘damn the rich’ mentality. Yes, some directors were greedy and incompetent and didn’t deserve bonuses from public money, but they only received that money as the previous government insisted that the banks be saved. Reform will help prevent this in future. Attacks on the bonuses of staff in general ignores both the dangers of

Laura Thornton There are always risks to having a good time. While many people prefer not to think about the dangers when they’re out partying, there are some things you need to be aware of, especially if you’re in a new area. One of these dangers is that of having your drink spiked, as Laura Thornton recounts. “It pretty much started as a normal night out. I watched a friend’s band playing on the Quad, then headed to Liquid. I didn’t drink very much beforehand, certainly not enough to be falling over. “The double vodka Red Bulls were extremely cheap so of course that was the obvious choice! Unfortunately, the small amount of Red Bull used didn’t mask the taste of the vodka, making it very easy to slip something in. That’s the last thing I remember until about 3am.” Laura’s drink had been spiked, and when she came to her senses, she was in hospital. She was lucky enough to be with a friend, rather than whoever had drugged her. One troubling aspect of this story is the reaction of the door staff at Liquid: “From what I’m told,it was pretty clear that I was not merely drunk, but when I fell over, the bouncers just threw me out,without making sure I

Rrita Recica

Steve Punter

Vince Cable, Business Secretary increasing price, and wage fixing measures and the possible effects on the industry from pushing away good employees. It is worrying to think our economic policy may be being determined by a man whose first instinct in crisis is to pander to vengeful anti-rich sentiments from the public. This article was written before Lord Browne’s report into higher education funding was published.

Couch surfing was previously known as crashing at a friends’ house, although the couch surfing project uses a much broader meaning of the term “friend”. I first heard about couch surfing whilst accompanying Linda, my next door neighbour, as she walked her capricious Pomeranian, Cookie. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of months so we began our catch up session as we fruitlessly begged Cookie to empty his bowels. After the routine update on her romantic situation, she told me she had just gotten back from an amazing weekend in Milan. I casually asked where she had stayed, and when she replied, “I went couch surfing” I stared at her with bewilderment. I asked who she knew that lived in Milan, assuming she stayed with some old friends. “No,” she said, laughing, “I met this guy on the CouchSurfing website, and he let me and a couple of friends stay with him”. “You met him online?” I said, with obvious disdain. “I spoke to him beforehand months in advance, you’re supposed to get to know them to be safe.” Linda urged me to go on the website before being judgemental. She was too late, of course; I had already begun lecturing her on the perils of being in unfamiliar places with people she met on the internet, especially looking the way she does (she is a part time model). Linda patiently ignored me while she went on to tell me about Claudio, her host, and his girlfriend. They had taken her sightseeing during the day and clubbing by night. All this without paying for accommodation, plus she


Exhibit A: A vulnerable drink

They’re all dead because of a lack of recycling among students.

you’re leaving with and where you will be. You know how much you can drink; know your limits! o If you think you’ve been spiked, tell someone. Better to have a few moments’ embarrassment at the hospital than a more unfortunate experience.


Your new home away from home? had made ‘good friends’? I was warming to the idea. “I was a lot more materialistic before I went couch surfing,” she said, “I’ve become more humanitarian.” Couch surfing is one of those things you don’t notice until it’s been pointed out to you, and then you wonder how you missed it. I took Linda’s advice and went on the website, at which point I quickly realised that this was not just a hippy-esque hobby; this was an actual tight-knit community, and an established programme with over one and a half million users. It was everywhere. The Facebook fanclub boasted over 50,000 fans, YouTube had page upon page of home-made documentaries, and the internet was generally awash with anecdotes of eventful journeys to Singapore and Australia. My prejudices were progressively vanishing. Their mission statement was centred on

That’s the trouble with free speech... Ben Moxey

how hot they may be. If they want to buy you a drink go with them to the bar and watch them. o Never drink left-over drinks. (Yeah, yeah, you laugh now, but after the loan runs out it becomes more enticing as an idea.) o Never leave without telling your friends who

Features 7 Template

Couch Surfing

Drugged in Liquid was okay. It was somewhere around this point that I fell over again, hitting my head, and the police called an ambulance. “I’m told I wasn’t with it at all, I was paranoid and delusional. When asked for my date of birth I gave 30/19/23. I didn’t trust anybody; I was convinced that I was in a TV show, that my friends and the hospital staff were conspiring against me, so I kept trying to run away. “The next day I was very ill and unable to get up and do anything. I was incredibly lucky that I was looked after by my friends but other people might not be so lucky. So keep an eye on your drink and look after your friends. After all, isn’t that partly what University is all about?” We at Le Nurb would recommend sticking to the venues on campus for your nights out, as the staff here have a greater understanding of the needs of students than those of clubs such as Liquid. However, wherever you decide to go, Laura has a few simple tips that you can follow to keep safe: o Never go out alone to a place you don’t know. o Buying drinks for someone else? Take a friend to the bar with you. o Never abandon your drink! o Be alert; this will never happen to you if you and your group look alert and prepared. o Drink from bottles; they’re harder to spike and allow you to place your thumb over the top. o Don’t accept drinks from strangers, no matter

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Geert Wilders is a Dutch politician and leader of the Party for Freedom, the third biggest party in the Netherlands. Or at least, that’s what Wikipedia says. What it doesn’t say is that he is a total prick and needs to shut his pie-hole. See, that’s the trouble with free speech; it’s a two way street. The controversy all started when Wilders founded the Freedom Party in ’04. For ‘freedom’, read ‘racism’, rather like how it’s now also synonymous with ‘nationalism’ and ‘Nick Griffin’. He split from his original party after they took issue with his policies, saying “I found myself on the right of many a meeting”. The Party for Freedom’s main policies are to enforce tax cuts, to de-centralise ... oh, and that Judeo-Christianity should be the only religion and all immigrants should fall in line. The other headlines from them are ‘no immigration from non-Western (i.e. nonwhite) countries’, ‘ethnic registration’ and a hijab tax. So far, so UKIP. Well, it seems that Geert, as well as having a party, has a platform for his views; his 2008 film, Fitna. While only being 17 minutes long, it plays like a poster for his ludicrous views; at most times bordering on offensive and occasionally swerving into being terrifying. Here, Wilders exposes the truth about

Islam: it encourages violence, terrorism, antisemitism, homophobia, etc. etc. For him he said it was “a call to shake off the creeping tyranny of Islamization”. Since English isn’t his first language, we’ll let his use of ‘Islamization’ pass, but that doesn’t excuse the shameless bigotry. Don’t worry though; he “doesn’t hate Muslims, he hates Islam”. That’s fine then! Attacking another’s faith is truly the act of the scared or ignorant. Religious persecution is nothing new. Look at the Catholics of 1600s Britain, the Jews of 1930s Germany the current attitude toward Muslims in America, but not many men are as vile and ignorant as good ole’ Geert. In August 2007, he wrote an open letter to a prominent Dutch daily newspaper saying that the Koran, Islam’s sacred text, was “a fascist book” and that it should be outlawed in the Netherlands. He then went on to compare it to Mein Kampf. Like a racist thunderstorm he rumbles on; “The book incites hatred and killing and therefore has no place in our legal order … take a walk down the street and see where this is going. You no longer feel like you are living in your own country. There is a battle going on and we have to defend ourselves. Before you know it there will be more mosques than churches!” The main source of Wilders’ current legal problems is the aforementioned film; the Home Office placed a ban on his coming to the UK to promote preventing him from screening his vile film in the very seat of our Parliament. They took particular issue with several scenes; such as a caricature of the Prophet Muhammad, with a

enlightening and inspiring journeys, with one member testimonial by Matilda from Sweden, a radiant 38-year-old mother of two and area sales manager for Oxford University Press, saying it had removed all her prejudices. I gradually discovered that Linda wasn’t the only couch surfer I knew. Toby and I studied journalism last year at university, before he suddenly left the course. He was a free-spirited romantic and a talented guitarist, sometimes playing gigs in local pubs, so I wasn’t too surprised when I heard rumours that he was busking somewhere in Europe. I eventually caught up with him online, where he told me about his travels. He first heard about couch surfing from his bearded friend, Alex, at university. He was dubious

bomb on his head next to a countdown timer. Footage of 9/11 and the Madrid bombings are shown, with a voice-over from the standard crack-pot imam: “Allah is happy when nonMuslims get killed”. It is these imams that Wilders rolls out whenever he wishes to prove ‘Islam’s fury and danger’. The trouble is that every religion has crackpot nutters and they all love spouting antipolytheism polemics; for Muslims,there are the imams who attach themselves to Al-Qaeda; for the Jewish faith just look at the hard-line stance towards Jesus in the Bible, or Israel’s policy on Palestine; and for Christians you only need look at America, the land of the free and home of the KKK ... and now there’s Wilders. This all comes to a head with Wilders standing trial in the Netherlands (proving that the Dutch aren’t laid back about some things) on five counts of inciting hatred and discrimination, including describing Islam as a fascist religion, Moroccan youths as violent and for calling for the banning of the Koran. With his censure looming, is Wilders penitent? “I am fighting for one thing: the preservation of our culture, which is based on Christianity, Judaism and humanism - and not on Islam … While Islamization of our society grows, the political elite looks in the other direction and ignores the real problem, namely, the impending loss of our freedom. I am fighting not against Moslems [sic], but against the influx of a totalitarian ideology called Islam.” So that’s a no ... In the end, his main argument is that he has a right to say these things, that they are his views and that he has the right to ... wait for it ... free speech. Now, how much you agree with this is up to you, and while I am quite liberal, I personally don’t approve of people using free speech to

Do you see what your wanton lack of recycling has done?!

at first about the website, because it reminded him of facebook with the profile pictures. He typed in the word “guitar” and “Salzburg”, and was impressed by the flood of people living in Salzburg that play/are interested in the guitar. Unfortunately, couch surfing is not always reliable, and his host’s last minute rain-check left him homeless in Salzburg on the first night. Ever the optimist, Toby visited an internet cafe where he broadened his search to the last 30 people that were online in Salzburg. He ended up staying with 28-year-old Stephanie, with whom he became romantically involved, and is revisiting in April. During his visit, he made $160 in a weekend, busking outside the Dom (Salzburg Cathedral). He theorises that tourists and residents are used to hearing classical music in the historic home of Mozart, so his contemporary style had a welcome reception. Now living in Hinnang in Bavaria, Germany, Toby plans to make a ‘eurotrip’ visiting 10 countries, and 28 cities, using only the money he makes from busking. On March 8th he will begin with Sofia – Bulgaria, travelling by train and coach, then go to Serbia, Hungary, Slovakia, Austria, the Czech Republic, Germany, the Netherlands, Belgium, and finally, France. He has secured a host in each city through the Couch Surfing Project. Toby’s been told cautionary tales by fellow surfers, and has been given safety tips, in case of robbery, by his father – mainly involving the anal insertion of a £50 note. Toby intends to write a book chronicling his travels, entitled The Busker’s Guide to Europe. His A4 folder joins him on every journey, in which he asks every person he meets who makes an impression on him to write or draw something about their time together. Unperturbed by his friends’ warnings, he will pursue his soulsearching journey. He has described couch surfing as a fulfilling experience he feels “privileged” to have had. “I made some of my best friends through this, I can truly say couch surfing is now a huge part of my life, and has fulfilled me in ways nothing else could.” bludgeon each other. It’s the legal equivalent of saying “I think you are a knob ... no offence” Ah! ‘Cos you said ‘no offence’ then I can’t take offence and that makes it all better. Right? Here’s the trouble with free speech; it’s a two way street. So since Geert Wilders is a firm believer in the right of all to express their views without fear of retribution,here’s my response. Geert Wilders, 47, born in Venlo, Netherlands, currently residing in The Hague, is a twat. Nothing more than a fearmongering, hate-pedalling, evil, bigoted, nasty, disgraceful excuse for a human being. I hope he is found guilty, I hope he is dragged away and locked up, I hope he is asked to do community service as well, I hope that service forces him to clean all the toilets of all the mosques in Holland and I hope that every Muslim in Holland has diarrhoea on that day.

DESIGN FOR US! If you’re reading this ad and are disgusted by our choice of typeface, we need you! Email to get involved.

Le Nurb - October 2010

8 Features Template

Bella and Bella’s Most Excellent European Adventure: Paris Annabel Mountford Home, after the extremities of a university lifestyle is dull and boring. So when I received a phone call two-weeks later from my friend, Christabel, asking if I wanted to InterRail around Europe for a month, I immediately agreed (Student Loans had decided to finally give me my loan three days after my exams, so I was up on the cash front) and a week later we left. 5am, backpack-clad, smiles upon our tired faces and wearing the most ridiculous walking shoes you’d ever seen (still the prize possession of my shoe collection; purple velvet, peacockfeather-patterned with gold trim) on my feet, we were ready to set off. My friend had offered/ been forced to take us to the white cliffs of Dover to see us off. She basically threw us out of the car and drove away. We decided the cheapest way to get to the other side of the channel would be by ferry; and cunning as we are, we’d been sneaky and told Norfolk Ferries (who don’t take foot passengers) we had bicycles in order to get the cheapest deal. However, when asked where our bikes were, we replied that they had been stolen en route. They very rudely turned us away. Who can blame them? We hadn’t even left the country and already things were going wrong! In the end we crawled over to P&O Ferries, complimenting the lady on the desk, and after wishing her a happy birthday we managed to score half-price tickets. To be honest, I think she just felt sorry for us. Before I go on, I want to tell you that to make this European adventure more ‘fun’, we’d decided not to plan anything; basically, be spontaneous and see where the wind takes us. Just a word of advice though; if you’re planning on travelling any time soon: PLAN AHEAD. Even if you’re only

...if you’re planning on travelling any time soon to anywhere: PLAN AHEAD.

going to Scunthorpe or your aunt’s house. We arrived in Calais an hour later, got on a bus to the station and very excitedly attempted to ask for a ticket, in French, to Paris. Neither Christabel nor I had spoken French since GCSE, which must have been obvious; the woman spoke back to us in English. We were on the train for about 5 hours, nearly missing the final connection because of Christabel’s

...once you’ve gazed upon this metal monument for more than 10 minutes and taken silly pictures there isn’t much you can really do. bladder, but finally we had made it to our first destination: Paris. Leaving the station, we breathed in the Parisian air (it smelled like rain and urine, the same as London), looked at the gloriously romanticised city in awe ... and panicked. It was 6pm and we had nowhere to sleep, eat or rest. The backpacks that had excited us but a few hours ago were now a hindrance, and we were exhausted. We managed to find a corner among the noise and started to search through our Travelling Europe by Train book, which we were smart enough to buy, for somewhere to sleep. After phoning the several campsites suggested in what we now called ‘our Bible’ (we had a tent and thought camping would be cheaper than hostels) and not finding anywhere, and, well, not understanding anyone, we decided to try a few hostels; obviously starting with the cheapest first. They were all booked. By this point I was chain smoking and Christabel was twitching; we had both started snapping at each other. I have this uncommon dislike of speaking on the phone, so Christabel was doing all the work, I naturally smoked some more and finally we managed to get a hostel at thirty-five Euros a night, and considering we had budgeted to fifteen euros a day, this wasn’t a good start. We decided that we were going to place our essentials in our day bags, so we could put our massive backpacks into storage and travel round Paris with more freedom. After working out the Parisian Metro, which obviously required more shouting at each other, we exited the station, took a wrong-turn, walked a mile, turned back, walked another mile and finally found the hostel, which was surprisingly nice. As it should have been, costing nearly double the price of a Travelodge.

After showering, resting, making up a song, and generally making ourselves feel better, we decided to go out for dinner. We had both decided that in every country we go to we wanted to try the local delicacies. I want to state now that I am renowned for my fussy eating; if it’s not unhealthy I won’t eat it. So, we found this dainty, little restaurant in a back alley of Paris and settled ourselves in. At this point we came to our next challenge: the menu was in French, the waiter spoke only French and in the end it was all a bit of a lucky dip. I scanned the menu for words I knew and very adventurously ordered the Spaghetti et Tomate (spaghetti and tomato if you hadn’t guess). Christabel went for a cheesy-bready-tomato-thing purely because the waiter’s hand actions whilst trying to describe it were deeply erotic, and he had a nice arse. The next day we decided to do the typical tourist thing and visited the Louvre and Eiffel Tower. The Louvre was beyond beautiful, the decoration and architecture alone were just breathtaking, but as you can imagine, once we’d seen the Mona Lisa we started getting a bit silly; taking pictures of all the marble penises that were everywhere. We soon left after realising we were being watched by the guards. Or, rather we tried to leave: finding your way out of the Louvre is impossible, especially if you’re in hysterics. Next was the Eiffel Tower, which you would think would be easy to find considering the sheer size of it. However, once again we managed to get lost, argued some more and finally stumbled upon it completely by accident. Now, I can appreciate architecture and art as much as any ex-art student; however, once you’ve gazed upon this metal monument for more than 10-minutes and taken silly pictures there isn’t much you can really do. There was

We Have A Tea Urn and we’re not afraid to use it!

Next meeting: Wednesday 27th October 5-7pm Isambard Amenity Building Follow us on Twitter (@BrunelTea) and Facebook Yes, the fish are all dead, and it’s your fault! Unless you recycle, of course.

no point in attempting to ascend it, as we were already over our daily budget again, so instead we found a crêpe stall nearby with none other than the most stereotypical Italian man you could ever meet. After receiving many ‘Molto Bellas’, we decided we had made a new best friend. Well, I had; he kept creeping up behind Christabel and making her jump out of her skin. Anyone else that teases The Bellend (Christabel) as much as I do is a friend for life. As in London, there are many tourist stalls, except in Paris the owners follow and pester you. I was obviously a target; when someone speaks to me I always reply, “I’m never rude and my friend is fit.” Christabel has this beautiful talent of appearing to have ‘Fuck Off’ written across her face and if need be she has no shame in saying it (even though she’s one of the loveliest people I know). I on the other hand find it intensely hard to ever be rude, or be involved in any confrontation. Therefore, I had to put up with being followed. We sat about trying to blend in and act French; I smoked, Christabel drank coffee (I’m caffeine -intolerant) and eating crêpes. We must have looked anything but French. If you’ve ever been to Paris, you know that instead of pigeons,they have sparrows. At first you think

We sat about trying to blend in and act French; I smoked, Christabel drank coffee and ate crêpes.


they’re cute, but they soon start to attack you for food. You’ll also know that everyone except the tourists are incredibly thin and dressed so fashionably it makes your bank account weep. We were in trackies. Whilst sitting there looking French, we suddenly realised we were late for our train to Bern in Switzerland. With a lot of “oh shits” and “oh fucks” we ran to the station, realised we were okay for time and collected our bags from storage. When we got there, I realised that I had in actual fact lost the locker ticket: another twenty euro fine. Yet another disapproving look from The Bellend later, we caught the train on time. After a very brief, yet entertaining, visit to Paris not very much had happened; except loss of expense and a lot of smoking and shouting. If you’re going to go travelling, as much as seeing Paris was lovely and one of those things you have to do in your life, go when you’re not at university, or go there on a family holiday. It was one of the most expensive cities we visited and wasn’t nearly as much fun as some of the other countries we visited.

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Features 9 Template

From the Archives: Twisted Firestarter (November 1997) (Editor’s note: This is quite funny for a number of reasons. One, this idiot printed a sensitive letter and then left it out in public for anyone to read. Two, he did something bone-headedly stupid and got caught. Three, his worst fears came true when the sensitive document ended up in the hands of Route66. For those of you who weren’t at Brunel in 2004 (Chris Folkerd, take a bow!), Route66 was Le Nurb’s tabloid magazine predecessor.) On Friday 31 October, a number of students returned to a room in Chepstow Hall on the Uxbridge campus, before proceeding to Uxbridge to celebrate a 21st birthday. At some point, the campus security informed the group that the residence regulations insisted that the use of fireworks within and around the residences is both unacceptable and prohibited. From a document that Route66

has obtained, it is clear that the group “collectively accept that at some stage during the evening, fireworks were set off from [one student’s room]”. The document makes clear that a certain Matthew J Fish accepts that “this was a foolish, irresponsible act carried out drunkenly in the spirit of the occasion, the blame of which lies solely with myself ”. Mr Fish adds: “I express my remorse, and accept full responsibility for the unfortunate affair.” Mr Fish’s luck didn’t run out there, Route66 is sorry to report. He might well hope “that my name will be kept out of the tabloid press (ie Route66)”. Let us hope that this is the last time such a document - an apology to the university - is accidentally printed halfway through a project belonging to the Editor’s flatmate. Mr Fish has since been awarded the route66 fortnightly award for “Services to the Tabloid Press”.

Brunel Disablity and Dylexia Society

BDDS Find us on Facebook

How to abuse your postgrad privileges Richard Burgess

So, you’ve completed your undergraduate studies, graduated, got a job/taken a gap year/ bummed around and decided that you miss university so much so that you want to come back and do a postgraduate degree ... or maybe not. There are many reasons why more and more people are returning to studying these days: you may have been sent by your current employer to enhance your skills or maybe you just want to further enhance your future career prospects. One thing you must do while you’re here is work hard. Let’s face it, you haven’t paid over four thousand pounds to come and mess around; especially since the Local Education Authorities won’t give you a loan for postgraduate tuition fees (unless you’re PGCE, lucky you!). You are only here for a short time as a postgrad student and you must

use this time wisely; you also want to get the most from your money you are spending being here. I myself am a postgrad student, having had the privilege of being an undergraduate here, wherein I graduated this summer! Despite being very familiar with Brunel, I have spent the last two weeks (three, if you include freshers’) on the prowl for anything that I may not have noticed before. When I was an undergraduate I developed a stereotype of postgrad students as intelligent, well-dressed, coffee-drinking individuals. Basically, oozing maturity. I was, at times, very envious of the postgrad get-togethers; the coffee morning (and afternoon) meetings, the special room in the library and the eternal question, “what on earth is in the Graduate School?” I have now found out. Basically, being a postgrad is awesome! (Well ... so far). You get lots of free stuff, and that’s just one layer of the cake. In the past three weeks I have consumed: 3 cups of coffee, 3 cups of tea, 1 orange juice, 1 onion bhaji, 1 vegetable samosa, 1 iced jam doughnut, 4 bourbon biscuits, 1 beef burger and 1 Cosmopolitan cocktail (I feel like Carrie from Sex And The City!) But there are many other advantages

10 Break-up Methods to Note Anujit Kaur

“It’s not you, it’s me. I know you’ve heard it before, but it really is.” One of break-up’s favourite lines, on par with the thirty-second call, or the two hour call being a draining argument ultimately ending with a split, and the crueller text-dump. Below are ten regular break-up methods you may have experienced or heard about. Some are pathetic and half-hearted attempts at ending relationships, and some, just downright mean. All true, tried and tested.

10 9

I’m a guy: may be followed by “pre-op.” This method is brave, and funny.

You’re too good for me: Meant to sound nice, but in reality what the dumpee hears: “I was with you to pass the time, but now I find you boring.” Completely uninventive, cruel and on similar to “I need a break” or “I want to try something new.”


“I want a baby”. Whoever came up with this one (probably a woman) screams genius! (unfunny bitch more like - Ed.) Note: genuinely wanting a baby may also result in a break-up.


Although this method lacks originality, it is simply funny. Known commonly as “going through a tunnel” or the more appropriate, “you’re breaking up” this can be used in numerous awkward situations. It sounds something like this: “I’m (crackle) breaking up (crackle) you (crackle) over!” Switch off phone.

girlfriend to the other sex.


Cheating may be a psychoanalyst’s dream, but sometimes the subject just wants to break-up. Obvious consequences include; getting a bad reputation, but can paint the dumper out to be a good guy, especially if they “made a mistake and have to tell the truth.” The end result can go either way as a partner may forgive and forget, and the method lacks spark and is a coward’s way out.


Cheating without intent: This is technically not a break-up method, but guarantees the cheater will be dumped (or tortured). Okay, so maybe it doesn’t guarantee it, but is the end result the majority of the time. Now, most of us are not famous movie stars or platinum selling artists (and I may just put highprofile politicians into this category) but, in this age of snapping and tagging it is easy to get caught out doing the nasty with someone other than your one and only. Result: dumped!


This next method is extreme and tremendously cruel. Used by some, where drastic measures are not needed, it may sound like something from Friends. Moving country for ‘work’ or ‘family’ and deciding that you must stay, leaves the other party feeling doubly-depressed: i) they feel they drove their partner away, and ii) have no-one to focus their pay-back on. This method may incur additional expenses, mainly international calling rates and flight costs. Note: in some cases, where one party wants the other to move with them. Their intentions can be misconstrued.


Ultimatum time: “It’s them or me!” Easy and guilt-free. The party making the choice may be the real dumpee, but gets satisfaction in saying they called it quits. This method may be the nicest way of dumping someone. Or maybe, faking your own death. It has been done.


“I’m gay!” (or “I was experimenting” in some cases) can be the most heartrending words one can be told. It may seem like an easy way out, discounting keeping up with rumours, but the partner left will be plagued by the thought that they turned their boyfriend/

Drum roll, please! One of the most common ways to break-up is the Facebook relationship status change. Not only is this a horrible and cowardly way of breaking up with someone, but everyone who is socially connected knows who dumped whom first. There is no redeeming feature, honour or glory in this method, which is twice as bad if you are on the receiving end of the change in status. Note: not so great when one party thinks that they only had a fight.

to being a postgrad than just free food. Here are a few things I recommend you do while you’re here: Take a trip to the Graduate School. Accessible 24/7, it is located in the Halsbury Building (adjacent to the quad) and inside you will find a kitchen and Common Room. (I’ll skip the details and let you go there and see for yourself!) While you’re in there, be sure to go upstairs to the Graduate School Reception and introduce yourself. I assure you the staff on the reception are lovely; very welcoming and willing to help you with almost any query that you have. You can also pick up a free lanyard (see, more free stuff). Also, note, on Tuesday mornings, the Staff visit the Common Room so you can meet and have a friendly chat about anything and ... wait for it ... free tea, coffee and biscuits, too! While you are there; you can also see about getting a locker. (Yes, I know; it’s like being back in high school). Just ask the hospitable staff at reception and they will register you a locker, simples! They are incredibly useful; not just for books and papers, but also to keep your coat or bag if you’re off to the Academy as: 1) the bouncers don’t let you take bags inside and 2) you won’t have to pay to put your coat in the cloakroom (see, even more money saved). But, be quick as there are only a limited number of lockers

available! At this point I would like to remind you to NOT to leave valuables in the lockers, just like you wouldn’t leave them in your car. Okay, so now you’re thinking: “Why is this crazy man telling us all of this?” Well, I want to make sure that everyone receives as much as they can from Brunel while they are here. It is your life after all. If there are any undergraduate students reading this, and you are considering returning for a postgrad degree after, then I have some good news for you. If you return to do a postgraduate course having graduated from Brunel, and you are self-funding your own tuition fees, you receive 10% off. 10% off equals £400 which equals awesome! Whatever you decide, make sure that you visit the Placement and Careers Centre, first floor in Bannerman Centre. Why? Well, firstly you have to come here if you’re hoping your studies will get you a decent job. Brunel has one of the top Placements and Careers Centres of all UK universities, and was said to have the best University Placement Office of 2010! Now, you don’t get that for sitting on your backsidet doing nothing. Trust me: they are super good at what they do. I’m up to my word limit now, so I will leave you with one question: What on earth was Cheryl Tweedy thinking when she didn’t pick Gamu?


The first person we see recycling gets a free fish and bowl! (Fish and bowl not included)

Le Nurb - October 2010

10 Features Template

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Template 11

Cheerleaders: Dim-witted Barbie or Athlete?

hundreds of teams across the UK, it is no wonder cheerleading has become the fastest growing sport of this decade. So, what exactly is cheerleading? What do cheerleaders do? Is Cheerleading even a real sport? These have to be some of the most common questions and longest-running debates ever, and it also doesn’t help with these stereotypical ‘dumb-blonde’ style films popping up every so often, showing cheerleaders to be nothing but a bunch of skinny, sexually-orientated, overlydramatic teenage girls flying through the air. In past times, you would expect to find cheerleaders on the sidelines of a basketball or football match. They would be there to cheer for the teams that were playing and to perform at half time. Cheerleading was about supporting team members and representing a school or university. It doesn’t seem to be such a bad idea; having a few people cheering you on from the sidelines, supporting you and representing the educational institution. This level of enthusiasm is apparently categorised as stupid behaviour.

It will never cease to amaze me how people can mistake the chanting, dancing and sheer happiness and pride in what cheerleaders do, as dim-wittedness. As a result of this preconception, this style of cheerleading is pretty much dead, but the stereotype hasn’t died with it. In fact, anyone still practising this style of cheerleading, cannot even call themselves a cheerleading team, they are now classified as dance teams. To real cheerleaders, cheerleading is something more than wearing a cute uniform and walking around saying, ‘Hey! I’m a cheerleader!” I’ve witnessed these cheerleaders first-hand, with both male and female cheerleaders, and the sport is their life. It is not something they do to pass time; it is something they do because they live and breathe it, just like any other athlete does for their own sport. And that’s ultimately what they are; athletes. Cheerleading has evolved since the days where you could associate it with pompoms and sideline chanting. It now combines a range of gymnastics, stunts, dance, jumps and acrobatics. It requires an immense level of dedication, commitment, patience and teamwork and is, in fact, one of the best workouts you can do, burning calories and toning muscles faster than many sports. I mean, do you think it is easy for a girl to stand singlelegged in a heel-stretched position, with only a guy’s hand as her platform to stand on? When it comes to cheerleading, the level of skill placed into stunting alone is enough to inspire awe in anyone. Think three-levelled pyramids, human trampolines launching cheerleaders into the air, triple airborne twists, some of the most incredible, flexible shapes being pulled whilst standing

single-legged on someone’s hands, and now you’re thinking along the right lines of what cheerleading really is. Not only does cheerleading cater for all, both male and female with a refreshing lack of discrimination about shape and size,compared with other sports. Take basketball for example, the taller you are, the more chance you have of making the team. There is no such thing as too tall, too small, too fat or too skinny when it comes to cheerleading. Teams can be mixed gender, all girls or even all boys. Surprised? Well you shouldn’t be. We are well past the days of sexism. There are also different levels of teams ranging from level one to six; one being the most basic. This allows people of all abilities to take part in cheerleading and even enter the national or worldwide competitions that happen throughout the year, giving people the opportunity to compete against other teams. These competitions have a full award ceremony at the end, just the same as any other respected sport. Even Special Needs teams compete in these competitions. Sports require skills, competition and strategy; cheerleading has all of that. Personally, I cannot see why cheerleading is not encouraged, especially for the younger generation. It can teach people life skills that they might not otherwise learn from a school, such as trust, confidence and pride. With a better understanding of exactly what cheerleading is, I see no reason why society shouldn’t be able to move on from the stereotypical way of thinking and start taking cheerleading as seriously as any other sport.

a few relevant statistics; the UK is the world’s second biggest arms exporter, behind the US, with a market share of about 20% and annual sales of about £17bn in 2003, the arms industry is partial to presenting itself as a key player in the UK economy. However, looking at the broader picture, the industry accounts for a mere 1.6% of all UK manufacturing exports. A miniscule percentage when considering the atrocities on human life these weapons eventually carry out. To begin to understand the point in time when the practice of arms trading came under fire, we must look at the Cold War, where arms trading from one country to another was a vital foreign policy tool of the world’s superpowers and their allies. The business of arms transfers were employed to befriend apathetic states, to strengthen alliances and to help countries engaged in conflicts where the superpowers could not risk pledging their own commitment or armed forces (sound familiar?). Thus, it can be justly observed that by supplying the state of Israel with arms, Britain is, in principle and in practice, aiding the progress of an agenda it approves of without exhibiting any direct involvement. Again, looking back at the Cold War era, the arms industry was often condemned by the general publict, predominantly for their part in providing weapons to the developing world. However, exactly like modern times, the arms industry was confident that the government would defend it due to their role in the UK’s own defence programme. With this feeble rationale in mind, does this then justify their practice of supplying weapons

that more often than not, end up being used against innocent civilians? And if so, how far can a government defend their arms dealers? Whichever way you chose to look at it, the reality is that as soon as military arms leave the factory door, they leave the control of the manufacturer and then subsequently fall into the hands of drug cartels, child soldiers, extremists and other such criminals. Many of those that chose to defend the UK’s arms industry in its off-shore arms deals are quick to point out that one must make a distinction between ‘small arms’ and ‘big arms‘. Small arms are rifles, grenades and light machine guns; big arms refer to tanks, heavy machine guns and missiles. However, even in economic terms, the practice of exporting small arms is a great deal more difficult to defend. First off, they don’t generate a remotely significant amount of money for the UK economy, and providing they actually do fall in the rightful hands, they are definitely not efficient in deterring war between states. Despite having their lawful use by the police force or other such legitimate organisations, they can play an enormous role in the corrosion of law and order by governments, thereby increasing of chaos across districts. In its reluctance to regulate the arms industry, has the UK government not learned its lesson with past cases such as Uganda? Ten years ago, the cost of an AK-47 there was equal to that of a chicken. Or does our government choose to forget this fact, along with the small detail that since 1997 the UK has supplied over 20 countries involved with civil wars with weaponry, including Pakistan, Russia, Nigeria

and Israel. Countries the UK is quick to criticise on their weapons programs. If one takes the view that it is wholly unethical to supply other governments with weaponry, an important question comes to mind: How does one begin to decide which states to sell military arms to and which not? There has been an undeniable decline in the number of military dictatorships, and sales of military arms to countries such as Brazil or Germany are less contentious than they were 30 years ago. However, the problem is still to determine the nature of the weapons, if any, that should be sold. Particularly to governments such as Israel, who are involved in unbalanced and widely controversial wars. The mainstream viewpoint to this question seems to run along the lines of: as long as we are not selling warships, aerial radar systems or anti aircraft missiles, then it’s okay. With that said, it certainly did not take warships to massacre Armenians in Turkey during WW1, nor to systematically exterminate millions of Jews under Nazi Germany. Regardless of whether you wish to take the stance that the arms trade is an ethical business that is essential for the UK economy, or whether you believe it to be made up of companies that have a business interest in blood-shed, It is important to weigh up humanity against monetary gain and then see where that leaves you. Smash EDO is holding their next demonstration is on the 27th October and several in November. If you want to find out more, please visit

Monica’s Dad

Shomari Anderson

“Ready? OK! And five, six, seven, eight!” I don’t doubt you’ve heard this chant before; probably on the TV. I bet the first thing that came into your mind was a bunch of slutty teenage girls in short skirts, prancing about on the grass with pompoms calling themselves cheerleaders. That image was probably derived from some American teen film you’ve watched. (mmm, yes, yes it was! - Ed.) That’s where most stereotypes come from anyway, film and TV. Because of this, I bet that this is your idea of cheerleading, right? You may find that your view is very wrong. Cheerleading is quickly becoming one of the most popular sports in Britain. With

Peace or Profit? Sarah Tawfiq

On a gusty October evening, a spectrum of miscellaneous characters stream through the chipped doors of the Inn On The Green pub, pile into a dimly-lit room and shuffle fervently onto hard plastic chairs facing a small platform at the end of the room. Six figures sit assembled on the stage, narrating the trials and tribulations they received in the name of ending senseless death. One speaker, Chris Osmond, takes the podium to speak ardently about a cause he so devotedly fronts: Smash EDO. A small movement which, according to Osmond, began with “a few people banging pots and pans outside the EDO factory gates”, campaigns for the imminent closure of the EDO arms factory in Brighton. In the last few years, Smash EDO has employed various campaigning tactics including rooftop occupation, street blockades and property damage in an effort to shut down the company. “From the streets to the offices is where we need to take this fight!” declares Osmond to a roaring audience. For those not familiar with EDO, it is an arms factory that presents a strong and direct link between the UK and the occupation of both the Palestine and Iraq. Now, to rattle off

Did you know that recycling can be both fun and rewarding?

Election Candidates Student Trustee

Academic Minority Students Chair

Tushar Merwanji


I am a second year student rep for my course with broad shoulders and enthusiasm for our Union. I will make those decisions regarding management and administration to improve our Union. Trust in me to be your Student Trustee!

Are you a PG or PT or even a mature student? Well if you’re finding student life tough, boring or lacking, vote for me, for change for minority groups. I understand the difference between being UG and PG.

Student Volunteering Chair Keith Fung

Alex “FEDEX” Mitchell

I would like to be more involved in UBS’s operation as YOUR Student Trustee. I would like to contribute in overseeing UBS’s operation, offering my opinions in UBS’s strategic development and policy formulation. Please vote KEITH as YOUR 1st Choice.

Having been a voluntary worker for several year, I understand the benefits of volunteering and the increased employability it provides, particularly in the current economic climate. I will deliver on providing more voluntary opportunities for you.

Promise Phillips

Anderson Nyenwe

Please vote for me because I have the zeal and the passion to move the Union forward.

I wish to help people see the value of volunteering in terms of the joy and support they bring to those they help and in terms of their own aspirations.

Try making a game out of recycling.

Le Nurb - October 2010

12 Template

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Template 13

World Students Chair *

Mike Santo Valentino Portera

Sam Aylett

Hadrian Tulk


No statement submitted.

Give me the vote for World Students Group Chair and through experience and the close ties I have with Brunel’s international department I can get the job done right, and get international students the representation they deserve..

I am a committed, open minded person seeking to draw on his experience from responsibilities at Brunel to enhance conditions and enjoyment for all. Being an active part of and aiding this community has been drive since day one!

As this positions makes a difference upon the policies + campaigns of UBS I would want to be a leading part of it to help bring out the best Brunel Union can serve to its students. I am confident that I can make the right decisions and serve the students to the highest of my capabilities.

Community Student Assembly Member Zein “Zeeno” Owfar


Ben Moxey

Adiat Anna-Faith Shinaba

I am currently in my second year doing Politics & Sociology. Being a liberal enables me to believe in a progressive world and in this sense a progressive Brunel. I believe the Student Assembly is where is starts in Brunel.

I have often been described as enthusiastic, confident, crazy, intelligent . . . to mention a few. Vote for me to see me in action.

Hi! I’m Moxey! After 5 years here I feel I finally have a grip on what goes on in this Union and University. Vote for me for Student Assembly, to keep the Union honest and accountable

I care about the oneness of the Union, University and students and through my role, hope to strengthen student participation in the University’s decision making process. If elected, I promise to be selfless in my role as Student Assembly Member.


Keith Fung

Ben Vallely

James Ward

I was in the Student Assembly last year and it was certainly a rewarding experience to understand more about UBS, monitor the work of the Student Officers and provide suggestions to them. Please vote KEITH as YOUR 1st Choice.

As a Student Assembly member in 2009/10, and with experience working in different departments of the Student Union, I feel I can challenge the President, VicePresidents and Chairs to ensure that they do their jobs properly and professionally.

A vote for James is a vote for questions. This election is all about inquisition and democracy, something I understand well through my subject. As a political student I understand the need to perform checks and balances - something I will do. We all want the best - vote for the best - vote for me.

I believe the post should be given to a highly responsible person, who is capable of handling the pressure of the post. And I know for a fact that I possess all the qualities neede to maintain that position.

Business School Student Assembly Member Promise Phillips


Yashovardhan Mehta


As a member of The Student Assembly last year, I know the importance of this position and the importance of the Student Assembly. If you give me the chance I will voice the concerns of the Brunel student.

It takes only one person to make a difference. I want to be that person. Please vote for me and I will make sure that your voice is heard.

As this election will not only mean a great deal to me but I would like to make a great deal of difference to brunel and what I now call my home. Brunel has done and given a lot to me and I would like to give back and do something for the college in the smallest ways I can. A change for the good here would benefit not you or me but “us”. So help us and vote for me, YASH MEHTA.

I am an ambitious, enthusiastic person who would like to become part of Union of Brunel Students and who better to work with other than my own peers! So think no further . . . go and vote for me!!


Kavi Agarwal

With rising tuition fees and politicians cutting back where they hope no one will fight back, us students seem to have no say about our future. Together we will remind them that WE are the future. United we succeed! Vote Arv.

While people may apply for the positions for its status’ sake, I am commiting myself to the prosperity of Brunel University with total dedication and hard work. I pledge to the betterment of Brunel.

Brendan Cogan


I want to bring your ideas to the heart of the Union, and use them to make it a better place (to party).

You should vote for me because I am committed to providing a voice to all students at Brunel University and I want to make changes that will benefit everyone. I have already done a lot in the University community and have a good idea about what students want!

Remember, if you find yourself lagging behind, snatch recyclable items from the hands of random people.

NUS Delegate Middlewood

Joel “Greenwood” Brasher-Jones

As current Vice President of the UBS, I believe I am in a fantastic position to represent you as the Brunel Student body, at the National Union of Student National Conference.

Vote Greenwood #1 for NUS Delegate. I have been here for more years than I can remember so I have seen changes that I want to show off at National Conference.

Avina Patel

As a Student Union VP, I work closely with the NUS on a daily basis & have invested interest in how they run. With my knowledge of the UBS, I will be the best candidate to vocalise the UBS’ needs at the National Conference.

Le Nurb has not spellchecked any candidate’s statement, nor altered their images in any way other than by converting them to black and white.

You’re doing it for the environment, anyone who objects is clearly a self centred git who hates baby seals.

Le Nurb - October 2010

14 Template

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Arts &Template Reviews 15

Let Me In

Length 115 mins Certificate 15 Director Matt Reeves Starring Kodi Smit-McPhee, Chloë Moretz, Richard Jenkins.


Length 94 mins Certificate 15 Director Nick Whitfield Starring Ed Gaughan, Andrew Buckley, Jason Isaacs


Ed Gaughan & Andrew Buckley Paul Dunn

Will Orpin Matt Reeves’ follow-up to Cloverfield is a reimagining of the Swedish vampire film Let The Right One In (released here last year), itself an adaptation of John Avilde Lindqvist’s novel by the same name. Moving the action from Stockholm to New Mexico, the story follows lonely, bullied schoolboy Owen (Kodi Smit-McPhee) and his friendship with Abby (Chloe Moretz), a mysterious girl with who moves in next door. They both come from fractured families and soon bond through mutual loneliness, but when a series of grisly murders rock the community, Owen begins to wonder if his new neighbour hides a sinister secret. Comparisons with Tomas Alfredson’s film are inevitable and it retains much of the original’s desolate, sombre mood - perhaps unsurprising as in places it is a scene-forscene, shot-for-shot remake. Although adolescent angst is a timeless theme, the illustrative Romeo and Juliet parallels used here have been done before (in Twilight). It would have been more interesting to update the story for the 21st Century rather than setting it in 1983, seemingly for no reason other than to fill the soundtrack with David Bowie and Culture Club songs. Kodi Smit-McPhee (The Road) is an

engaging and sympathetic lead, using his saucer eyes and Jagger-esque pout frequently shot in unforgiving close-ups - to touchingly convey Owen’s isolation and inner turmoil. Kick-Ass’s Chloe Moretz is less ethereal than her Swedish forebear; she doesn’t convince as an old soul in a 12 year-old body and isn’t helped by the CGI, which jarringly transforms her into SpiderMan every time she succumbs to bloodlust and gives her a sub-Exorcist growl and facial lesions. American heavy-handedness also affects Michael Giacchino’s overblown score - to which Reeves reverts too often, as if unsure of the film’s sense of atmosphere which is carefully established in an effectively restrained opening. However, the child actors have good chemistry and hold the attention throughout. Despite a few misjudgements, the heart of the original - an affecting coming-of-age story - remains intact and the wider audience which this adaptation seeks are likely to be satisfied, if not blown away.


Despite some stylistic heavy-handedness, the lead actors have genuine chemistry, providing a heart to what could have been a bland remake. 88888

Best of the boozers: The Load of Hay Paul Dunn The Load of Hay is a quiet pub, just a short walk away from the university. It serves a good variety of lagers, ales and other drinks, as well as some decent food. Over the past year or so, this unobtrusive free house on Villier Street has become host to several of Brunel’s societies - chiefly Film, Cult Film and Sci-Fi - who have found it convenient to withdraw to after their weekly meetings on campus. I spoke to Dain Lewis, head barman and son of the landlord, about why he thought Yes, there are baby seals now, they’re in the Arctic relying on you recycling this student publication.

this was: “It’s got a lovely atmosphere; we never have any problems. This is probably the quietest pub in Uxbridge.” The seclusion of the place probably plays a part in this atmosphere, but it’s not the only factor in play: the building itself is well proportioned, with small tables at the front, and longer ones at the back. This is where the visiting societies usually gather to socialise and discuss their activities. The beer garden to the side is absolutely amazing, with wooden seats and tables carved in a manner to suggest that, rather than being built, they have grown naturally over the years.

Skeletons, the directorial debut of Nick Whitfield, has been described by critics as “The finest cult film to have come from Britain since Withnail and I”, and it is therefore quite sad to have seen it bypass the collective consciousness of cinema goers completely. However, it’s easy to see how this happened; the film is so idiosyncratic and original that it must have been a hard sell to distributors, and as a result has been forced to rely on film festivals and art house cinemas around the country. The film stars Ed Gaughan and Andrew Buckley as Davis and Bennett, an odd couple who travel the country risking madness, the wrath of their boss and the possibility of turning Bulgarian, all to complete a bizarre and mysterious job. Since the film takes such relish in revealing exactly what this job entails, I’m not going to spoil it for you, but I will say that there are some thematic similarities with this summers’s blockbuster hit Inception. Having said that, you definitely shouldn’t expect any other similarities between the two films; Skeletons is quirky and understated, making the best of its small budget. The heart of this film is definitely with Another major influence on the clientele is the variety of drinks available; being a free house, the Load of Hay offers an array of ales from various breweries, as well as the standard lagers. “Prices aren’t too bad,” continues Dain, “obviously, being a pub, they have to be at a certain level because of tax, but we keep them as low as we can manage.” The influx of students into this quiet sanctuary is largely well tolerated by the regulars, as long as they don’t get too unruly. “Generally the students who come here are quite chatty, but not too loud. They fit in well with our regular clientele, and are pretty courteous, always saying please and thank you when they order; that doesn’t sound like

Random Recycling Fact: Fleeces can be made from recycled plastic bottles.

its characters; Gaughan’s performance as Davis is cynical and sarcastic, while Buckley gives his character an endearing awkward charm and optimism, providing a well-balanced double act. Jason Isaacs (best known for playing Lucius Malfoy in the Harry Potter franchise) manages to steal every scene he appears in as ‘The Colonel’, and Paprika Steen delivers an eccentric, off-kilter performance seemingly designed to make the audience feel ill at ease. Tuppence Middleton plays the mysterious and silent Rebecca very well, managing to seem mischievous and remote. Middleton is still a relative newcomer to films, and after this performance I expect her to do quite well. Overall, Skeletons is a film I can easily see becoming a cult classic, and with its recent DVD release, it will hopefully reach a wider audience. Make sure you check it out, either on DVD, or at one of the screenings being held around the country.


While the lack of a big budget is obvious, those with a liking for the idiosyncratic should appreciate the bizarre feel of this film. 88888

a big thing but it all adds to the atmosphere, and you don’t get that with some of the other places in Uxbridge.” So, if you’re in a contemplative mood, and feel like going somewhere different for a quiet drink with friends, I recommend the Load of Hay.

Le Nurb - October 2010

16 Arts & Reviews Template

Electric Six - Zodiac Paul Dunn Most of you will have no idea who this band even is, while a few may remember them vaguely as being a one hit wonder from 2003. However, the term really shouldn’t be applied to Electric Six; they actually had ... two ... no, hear me out. While they’ve never recaptured the mainstream success of Gay Bar or Danger, High Voltage! (see, you do remember them) Electric Six have kept up an impressive output of catchy dance rock tunes, and last month saw the release of their seventh album, Zodiac. The reason for their obscurity is not hard to see; while an occasional silly hit can be a success there’s no real demand for a constant stream of such songs, and E6 refuse to take themselves seriously, much to the consternation of some music journalists. If you haven’t figured it out yet, I guess I’ll come out of the closet; I LOVE Electric Six. In my opinion, rock music needs more tracks you can listen to with a big grin on your face. However, love is never easy. While each of their albums has a few great songs, often, they’re surrounded by tracks which, while not bad, are (perhaps even more damningly) just plain

forgettable, the only major exceptions being their debut, Fire, and last year’s KILL. A month ago I probably wouldn’t have admitted that, but Zodiac drove the point home for me. The album starts off great, and for a while it had me convinced of its greatness; the opening song, After Hours, is bombastic and delicious, and American Cheese follows it well with a catchy beat and frontman Dick Valentine’s signature over the top delivery, but the initial momentum just wouldn’t carry the whole 50 minutes. A solid cover of Rubberband Man by The Spinners nearly saves it, but most of the second half just blurred into one for me. Still, if you haven’t heard them before, or liked what you heard in Gay Bar, I highly recommend giving a few of their songs a listen, and to start you on the right path, I may as well give you a list!


Not a purchase for anyone other than hardcore Electric Six fans. If you’re not into them already, check out our recommendations of the best of their previous work. 88888

Mark MarkUlrich Ulrich The last thing any of you reading this will want is another reason to be staying up until 3am, frantically tapping at the keyboard and straining the aching muscle between your ears in a desperate quest for words that make sense. Most of you reading this will probably already be suffering from caffeine-addiction, and your doctors could well be worried about the effect even more work could have on your wrecked system. So, allow me to be completely irresponsible and suggest that you do more of it. Consider it a challenge, right here, right now. I am challenging you (yes, you) to write a novel. Now, at this point I can hear some of you saying that you have already resolved to do this at some other point in your life. Congratulations. Now, do it in a month. That is the challenge: 50,000 words in a month. Now, no doubt, you probably have all sorts of questions. Chiefly: “Why the hell should I do that?” Quite rightly, too. I am not going to lie, and suggest it’ll make you a tonne of money; most of the Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month) entries have never even edited their novels, let alone published them. But you see, that’s okay, in fact, that’s kind of the point. Inside everybody, there is a story to tell. Here’s your chance to get it all out; to write it all down and get that warm feeling of accomplishment. But it doesn’t have to be good. You don’t even have to show anyone. This is yours, your own novel: do with it what you will. Quality isn’t important, it’s all about the quantity. In fact, when I’ve previously entered this challenge, I have enforced a strict “no editing as you go along” policy which often results in ridiculous manuscripts that make me sound like I’ve been on drugs for thirty days and nights. I shall not pretend that it is all fun; a lot of the time it’s hard, it’s demoralising and you enter long stretches where you despise yourself because you just cannot seem to get a single word down on the mockingly-blank page. But, the highs you receive from it are dazzling. You’ll have days where you’ll write double, maybe even triple your daily word target, and then there is that final smug glow when you’ve completed it. When you are a novelist. You might not be a very good one, you might not be a published one, but you will be one, and that is something no one can ever take away from you.


Fire! Flashy She’s White We Were Witchy Witchy White Women Señor Smoke KILL Vibrator Egyptian Cowboy One Sick Puppy Switzerland I Buy The Drugs I Shall Exterminate Everything Around Me That Restricts Me from Being the Master Down at McDonnelzzz

But this isn’t an advert, so I’ll balance it out by telling you that there is a good chance your partner will get annoyed at you for only ever thinking about your plot. Your friends might start to worry that you’re dead, because they’ve failed to see you for a while and you may fall ridiculously behind on your reading. Of course, I know all this first-hand and yet, as I stare at the novel I have written (it stands proudly on my book shelf ), I’m reminded that frankly, I do not care. November is coming; by the time you’re reading this it’ll already be October, and that can only mean one thing: it’s novel writing time.

Once you’ve finished reading this paper, recycle it as a hat

Arts &Template Reviews 17

Professional Profile: Salvador Dalí

Become a Novelist “Lonestar” Nillz Marco in 30 Days

Length 48:29 Released September 28, 2010 Genre Rock Label Metropolis

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Alone in the world With no shoulder to lean on or uphold As my life unfolds Piece by piece Like a tease To reveal the blank pages The emptiness, the loneliness Not forgetting the bitterness which has been a rubber To the inked memories of my lover That were written on my heart Where did it start and how Did it all fall apart Cannot blame you for your departure As my mind draws caricatures Of the times we had Spent in the light of the night I would give anything for you to shine Down on me So hear my plea. The twilights we spend together are stuck in my memory Yet I really shouldn’t be Spending my days looking into the skies Praying death was just a disguise And that by sunrise You’ll be back in my arms. Looking out the Glass House.


Age: Dead (Jan 23rd, 1989 - age 84) Field: Painting, drawing, sculpting, photography, writing Training: San Fernando School of Fine Arts Unique Selling Point: Surrealist insanity and melty clocks Main inspirations: his mother, Picasso, Miró, Diego Velázquez’s moustache

Born in Figueres in 1904, Dalí’s eccentric behavior often caught the public’s eye more than his Surrealist artwork. Most of us remember him for his painting of melting clocks (it’s called The Persistence of Memory) and possibly the Lobster Telephone (1936), which is the subject du jour. Made for Surrealist art collector Edward James, the Lobster Telephone is Dalí’s most famous and well known sculpture, but it was a lot more than simple aesthetics. While Dalí was fairly uninterested in performing the act, he was nonetheless obsessed with sex. There is probably a good chance that his turbulent childhood is partly to blame; his mother and father convinced him that he was the reincarnation of their first child, also called Salvador, who died as a

toddler before the eminent artist was born. He combined the two seemingly unrelated objects, a lobster and a phone; with the intent of creating something subtle yet sexually provocative (think aphrodisiacs and dodgy phone sex). He followed a similar formula when he made Object for Gala, combining the shell of another noted aphrodisiac and the image of the muse and love of his life. However, it is very subtle humour so it tends to be lost on most, save seasoned art critics and the extremely dirty minded. It only makes sense considering what a provocative character Dalí was. He made art to shock.

Your authentic Indian Meal Deal at

Any main meal including a pint for just


Includes Carlsberg beer or any draught soft drink or fruit juice.

Tuck into any authentic main for just


Brunel Counselling talk to us about anything


Chicken Tikka Masala Tender chunky pieces of roasted chicken tikka meat in a creamy medium spiced sauce combining yoghurt, cream and tomatoes.



Chicken Korma A mild and creamy aromatic dish with tender chicken breast pieces cooked with yoghurt, cream, coconut and a hint of spice.

Sweet Potato, Chick Pea and Spinach Curry Chunky sweet potatoes tossed in a rich, smooth coconutflavoured sauce, with chick peas and spinach.

To make an appointment with a counsellor phone us on

01895 265070

Lamb Rogan Josh Tender pieces of succulent lamb in a rich tomato and herb sauce with onions and red peppers.

Beef Madras Tender pieces of beef in a hot sauce with onions, tomatoes, coconut and chillies. Recycling: It’s like taking something and using it again, but fun!

Le Nurb - October 2010

18 Arts & Reviews Template

“So you’re telling me you made a time machine... out of a DeLorean?!” For all you fans out there, surely no further explanation is needed. That’s right it’s Back to the Future. However you may be wondering why I am writing a review to a film released in the 80s; one has been seen by many film fans old and young. Well, it has been 25 years since the original release of Back to the Future, and in celebration of this fact it is being re-released in cinemas on October 1st and is available as a trilogy on blu-ray on the 25th of October. Back to the Future tells us the story of high school senior Marty McFly accidentally going back in time to 1955 in a time machine built by Scientist Doc Emmett Brown out of a car. While in 1955 Marty finds that he does not have any plutonium to return to 1985 and has also prevented the incident which sparked off his parents’ love. With the help of a younger Doc Brown Marty is set on a task to get his parents to fall in love and return back to the future. So why go and see this film in the cinema? Most of us have seen it already, especially me. Well the answer is simple; it’s our chance to see a classic on the big screen. Most of us had not even been born when this film was released in 1985, and a film such as this was made to be seen on the big screen. What makes this film different to other time travel films is that the makers -

Bob Gale and Robert Zemeckis - transport Marty only a few decades to the same location - Hill Valley, unlike other films where time machines travel several centuries and space to a completely different world. Here Marty is able to see the teenage problems his parents were faced with and realises that life is not all too different for him in the 80’s. This is why the film is still seen today; it is still comparable to our lives 25 years on. Every single tiny detail of this film – including such details as twin pines mall becoming lone pine mall - has been thought about. The relationship between Doc Brown and Marty works so well that we all want a scientist like Doc Brown in our lives. It is the 80s’ Casablanca, regardless of what decade we are in, or how far technology advances, a film like this will never fade away and be forgotten about. It deserves our appreciation; who knows it may be another 25 years before we get an opportunity to view such as classic on the big screen again.

Then & Now 19 Template

Then and Now Being a bunch of nosey sods, the editorial team started poking through the archives to see what our illustrious forebears had done. Imagine our surprise when we came across a box of photos of campus circa 1990. Here they are, reproduced alongside modern-day snaps taken from the same angles.


Back to the Future: Classic film that practically defines the 80s. Genuinely original, especially in the use of time travel as a plot device.5/5 88888

If you don’t recycle, it’ll only end up in the River Pinn; think of the fish!


Sumita Deb Sumita Deb

October 2010 - Le Nurb

You see; anything can be recycled, even words!

Le Nurb - October 2010

20 Coffee Template Break

Coffee Break Last Issue’s Answers

Evil Su-Doku

Difficulty: 55555



Difficulty: 55555

9 6 1 4 8 3 5 2 7

5 7 4 2 9 6 3 8 1

8 3 2 5 7 1 4 6 9

1 8 9 3 2 5 6 7 4

46 25 73 97 61 8 4 12 59 38

7 1 5 6 4 9 8 3 2

2 4 6 8 3 7 9 1 5

3 9 8 1 5 2 7 4 6

8 3 5 1 7 6 9 4 2

1 7 4 9 3 2 6 8 5

2 9 6 8 4 5 7 1 3

9 2 8 7 6 1 3 5 4

6 4 3 2 5 9 8 7 1

5 8 9 3 1 7 4 2 6

3 1 7 6 2 4 5 9 8

4 6 2 5 9 8 1 3 7

7 5 1 4 8 3 2 6 9





Difficulty: 55555




Tennis Portlands









Anne Carlos Clive Margaret Stephen 18

Coffee Template Break 21



Average Su-Doku

October 2010 - Le Nurb

Target Time 12 mins. These five people share a love of tennis. Using the clues below and the grid on the left, can you work out at which club each of the five plays, what their surname is, and how old they are? CLUES 1. Margaret joined Worthies club last summer, and hopes to still be playing when she hits 40. 2. Stephen isn’t at Bartletts, whose member is the second oldest and isn’t a Kelly. 3. Anne, the youngest player, isn’t a Harrison, and doesn’t play at Overhampton, the club of Mr Osuna. 4. Racquets only has male members - Carlos would never join it and Margaret Kelly can’t! Clive is the second oldest player, being junior to Stephen Atkins.

Aries (21 March-20 April) Nothing good will happen to you this month. Or anyone who knows you. Or lives in the same building as you. Or that man who sold you your food.

Libra (22 September - 22 October) A little bird tells me that you’re utter filth in bed. I say a little bird, it’s common knowledge now. Start charging for your services, you might as well earn some cash for it.

Taurus (21 April -21 May) Somehow you survived from last month. This is impressive and the gods like you for it. Have a drink on us and charge it to the SU President.

Scorpio (23 October - 21 November) Death, doom, decay, plague, pestilence. None of these will happen to you – this is a happy month with lots of loving attention from your other half. Buy them gifts.

Gemini (22 May-21 June) You’re living the dream. Sure, it’s actually a nightmare where giant blades of grass chase you around the lecture centre wielding paperclips, but you’re living it, dude!

Sagittarius (22 November- 21 December) While everyone else gets cool mascots for their star sign, you get a half-man, half-horse. So basically you are a freak. Join a circus. Or run the marathon and say it’s an outfit

Cancer (22 June-22 July) The concordance between Jupiter and Alpha Centauri means that you’ll inherit eleventy bazillion pounds this month. Now kill all your rich relatives without being caught.

Capricorn (22 December - 20 January) Six months from now you’ll be utterly furious. This is because it’s going to snow and health & safety will ban you from going outside in case you die. Arseholes.

Leo (23 July- 22 August) Work is the curse of the drinking classes, said Oscar Wilde. Go curse yourself repeatedly, you lazy bastard, and stop failing your degree.

Aquarius (21 January - 19 February) In trying to pick up a 5p from the floor, you slip and fall. While on the floor, you find Jesus. He was under the sofa. I always said it’s in the last place you look.

Virgo (23 August-21 September) We are the priests of the devil. Preach our message to the masses, you vile corrupter of souls. Then take pictures and distribute them on Facebook.

Pisces (20 February - 20 March) You decided alcohol is not for you. All your friends now love you because you’re duty driver. Forever. This is so depressing you drive off a bridge and kill everyone.

30 43 55 61

First Name


Tennis Club


Bartletts Overhampton Portlands Racquets

Editor’s note: The original cartoon from the print edition has been replaced. Le Nurb apologises to Doug and Toby for using their likenesses without permission.

Worthies Unless you do it in your dissertation; that’s not recycling, that’s plagiarism.

Plagiarism is the only form of recycling we don’t encourage.

by Victor Jeganathan

Le Nurb - October 2010

22 Sport Template

A Cornish Beach Break

Kop for sale! Ben Moxey

Freaking awesome, dude!

Lee Bond Yes, it’s a tad late to be harping on about Cornwall’s miles and miles of golden sands. Newquay is regarded as the best place in the country for those searching for a near perfect wave. But for one weekend a year, the eyes of the surfing community are moved away from Fistrals multimillion pound artificial reef to a much more

quiet and reclusive corner of north Cornwall. When you cast your mind to kayakers your mind tends to drift to slalomers slamming down a course at breakneck speed, or some nut job bombing it down a 30ft waterfall in no more than a piece of molded plastic and a carbon-fibre helmet. You wouldn’t, however, expect to see hoards of semi-hung-over university boaters bobbing on the horizon. The River Legacy Season of Carnage kicked

16 down, only 3 to go… Ben Vallely There are three races remaining, and five drivers technically still in contention for the Formula One title … who will win? My best guess will be that both titles will head to Milton Keynes, one via Germany or Australia, the other via one-way ticket straight to Red Bull headquarters. For those of you who braved silly-o-clock on Sunday October 10th, the Japanese Grand Prix proved to be another Red Bull Racing masterclass. After Qualifying had been postponed till the Sunday morning due to heavy rain, Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber locked out the front row of the grid, and would hold position until the chequered flag fell at the end of the race that afternoon. Despite the Renault of Robert Kubica briefly separating the two until his rear-right wheel fell off behind the safety car (nobody knows quite what happened there) Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber were in a class of their own all afternoon. Jenson Button raced with a completely different strategy to Lewis Hamilton to try and gain an advantage within the team, as well as a different

strategy to both the Red Bulls to try and gain the initiative in his fight for the retention of his crown as champion. Unfortunately it didn’t work out for him, and had it not been for Hamilton’s gearbox problem, Jenson would have finished behind his team-mate again and slipped even further behind in the title race. The F1 circus now heads to Yeongam for the inaugural Korean Grand Prix, at a track which has only just been given the green light to hold the race by the FiA, less than two weeks before the scheduled race start (as opposed to 90 days as stated in FiA regulations). A track that should in theory suit the McLarens of Button and Hamilton due to its high speed layout, could bring the title race swinging firmly back round in their favour. Only time will tell if the dark horse of Maranello will spoil the party for either of these two teams. Alonso still lies within Webber’s grasp at the top of the standings. Can the prancing horse come good in the final furlong? Or will he fall at the last hurdle? Korea, Brazil and Abu Dhabi could well prove to be the ingredients for the greatest title conclusion in living memory …

off its tour of the UK with style. Honestly, as a surfer myself, they could not have picked a better weekend - rolling out the big boy waves at 6ft, cloudless skies and enough cheap alcohol to put half of the university to the sword. The event catered well for the Brunel freshers who were well represented, keeping the swim count in the single figures, with some outstanding performances by Matt Smith, Chris Patterson and Brunel ‘Old Boy’ Richard Green (who

graduated so long ago no one can quite remember exactly when). Next stop on the River Legacy calendar is the legendary Teifi Tour from 29-31st October. Bring your swim booties and the creekers, this one is going to get messy. For more information about Brunel Kayakers search Brunel Kayakers on Facebook or get in touch via our mini-site on the UBS website (we are listed as the Canoe Club).

Upcoming BRUNEL HOME fixtures Please note all fixtures are subject to change. Timings are estimates. Not all fixtures may be listed so keep an eye out! Wednesday 20th October 2010 Men’s Badminton 1s Men’s Basketball 1s Women’s Fencing Men’s Football 1s Men’s Football 2s Men’s Football 4s Women’s Football 1s Women’s Football 2s Men’s Hockey 1s Men’s Hockey 3s Women’s Hockey 1s Netball 1s Netball 4s Netball 6s Men’s Squash 1s Men’s Squash 3s Men’s Table Tennis 2s Men’s Tennis 2s

v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v

Bath 1s Oxford 1s Uni of London 1s Bath 1s Men’s Football 3s Westminster 1s Hertfordshire 1s Essex 1s Portsmouth 1s Royal Holloway 2s UWIC Bristol Royal Holloway 1s Royal Holloway 3s Royal Holloway 1s Men’s Squash 2s LSE 2s Bucks New Uni 1s

2pm 6.30pm 1pm 3pm 2pm 2pm 2pm 2pm 2.45pm 1pm 4pm 5pm 3pm 1pm 3pm 1pm 4pm 1pm

Sports Hall Sports Hall Exercise Studio Centre Pitch Site 5 Site 5 Site 5 Site 5 Multi-use Astro Multi-use Astro Multi-use Astro Netball Hall Netball Hall Netball Hall Squash Courts Squash Courts Exercise Studio Tennis Courts

Wednesday 27th October 2010 Men’s Badminton 2s Men’s Basketball 2s Women’s Basketball 1s Men’s Football 3s Men’s Football 5s Men’s Hockey 2s Women’s Hockey 2s Lacrosse Netball 5s Netball 3s Netball 2s Men’s Rugby Union 1s Men’s Tennis 1s

v v v v v v v v v v v v v

Kingston 2s 1pm Sussex 1s 5.30pm Royal Holloway 1s 8pm Reading 1s 2pm St. Mary’s 6s 2pm Portsmouth 2s 1pm St. Mary’s 1s 2.45pm Reading 1s 2pm Uni. of Creative Arts 2s 1pm Imperial Medics 1s 3pm Kings 1s 5pm Royal Holloway 1s 2.15pm Imperial 2s 1pm

Sports Hall tbc Sports Hall Sports Hall Site 5 Site 5 Multi-use Astro Multi-use Astro Cemetery Pitch Netball Hall Netball Hall Netball Hall Site 5 Tennis Courts

Adam Boix

Whenever you recycle, remember to attach a label saying exactly where it came from.

October 2010 - Le Nurb

In a drama almost on a par with something from the late Scouse soap, Brookside, Liverpool have lurched and stumbled their way towards both the bottom of the table and the top of most comedians’ running orders. With time running out before RBS take control of the club, as its main creditor, Liverpool will seek to obtain a High Court ruling that will allow the board to sell the club without Hicks or Gillett interfering. Over the past few weeks, two new bidders have come out of the woodwork, with one in particular attracting all the column inches. New England Sports Venture (another American firm, but this one is responsible for the reinvigorated and successful Boston Red Sox) were thought to have the deal done and dusted when they offered £300m, enough to cover the debts of the club. They threatened to walk away last week, however, when the club suddenly found themselves on the brink of administration. Liverpool chairman Martin Broughton took the case to the High Court to approve the sale of the club without the backing of Hicks or Gillett. Broughton says, and is widely backed on this, that if the club is not sold to NESV then administration is a definite possibility: and with it, the crippling nine point penalty. As stated before, RBS loaned Hicks and Gillett

Template Sport 23 £237m to help them finance their purchase of the club, via ‘Kop Holdings’. When the loan falls due on Friday the 15th RBS have indicated that, as the main creditor, they would have to put the company (and therefore the club) into administration to force a change in ownership. Either way it seems that Liverpool will be entering the fourth month of the Premier League: a Premier League they seem keen to prop up. But will the club belong to the nation’s biggest bank; a new collection of American owners; or to the late bid from Peter Lim, the Singapore billionaire? Whoever takes on the ailing Merseyside team will be up against it straight away. Once the debts of ~£300m have been cleared, then surely the owners must invest in the squad. The January transfer window is the ideal time for them to have a spring clean and try to pick up a few bargains, but with the spiralling costs of many players (Yaya Toure for £28 million anyone?) it’s debatable whether they will be able to get anyone to effect enough change to save them from relegation. Hodgson has proved time and again that he is a technically gifted manager and a man who can squeeze the best out of any player. Just look at his work with Zamora last year. So, maybe some new coaches can help him better spread the message. Next to fix: the fans. This is the area that requires the most work. Liverpool fans, for years, have laboured under the illusion that they have a God-given right to be atop the Premier League, despite not winning the big trophy since 1989, a few years before many of you out there in reader-land were born. Since then there

Nigel Wilson

The Shankly Gate at Anfield, home to Liverpool FC has been the occasional trophy – Champions League in 2005 – but largely it has been a rather barren period for the Kop to cheer. Even so, the average Liverpool fan will attest to theirs being a‘big club’, as well as asserting their God-given right to be in the Top Four every year, challenging Manchester United et al. for the title. This puts enormous pressure on the players,

the staff, the manager and, in particular, the board. So maybe the breakdown of Hicks and Gillett’s relationship, and their subsequent divorce from the club’s fans, isn’t down to their money-grabbing ways. Maybe it isn’t down to the lack of success on the pitch. Maybe it is down to the fans demanding what they can’t have.

Levein - Scotland will be boring for a while Ben Moxey Craig Levein, manager for Scotland’s International team, has recently defended the system that he played in the World Cup qualifier against the Czech Republic. His highly defensive 4-6-0 system has been highly criticised by fans and press alike after the Czech team beat Scotland 1-0. When asked about the tactics, Levein said that his plan had worked, a sure case of ‘the operation was a success but the patient still died’. He also claimed that, within the next three years, most

international teams will adopt a similar strategy. Most managers would say that it is impossible to send players out for a draw, but it seems that that was Levein’s intent. When questioned about the tactics, Levein’s assistant Peter Houston warned the Tartan Army that the safety-first football would continue. “Going back to Friday night, I thought our players worked their socks off, and for long spells I couldn’t see the Czechs scoring. We’re going to have to get used to the fact that Spain are technically superior to us. It’s may be something we

Commonwealth Games get Delhi belly Ben Moxey From start to finish, the 19th Commonwealth Games were a shambles. Before the event, complaints rained in that the living standards were not acceptable. There were concerns over gang violence and whether the venues would be built in time. During the event, whole sections of the arenas went unsold and many complaints cropped up about the actual arenas themselves, with issues coming from top politicians to social activists. In 2003, the members of the Commonwealth Games Federation voted to award the 2010 games to Delhi, narrowly beating the Canadian bid for the city of Hamilton. Cue much rejoicing. For one, this was the first successful Indian bid for a major sporting event and, importantly, (for the voting members) the Indian bid team promised $100,000 to every participating country, along with flights and accommodation. All in all, the bid looked to be a sound one. However, by 2009 an Indian government report showed that two-thirds of the venues were ‘behind schedule’ and by January of this year the vice-chairman of the Indian Olympic Association, Raja Randhir Singh, expressed concerns that the Games would not be ready in time and that the Games Committee was poorly formed. But these

types of complaints surface before every major event, especially in countries under severe financial burdens (see the 2004 Olympics in Greece and the 2010 South African FIFA World Cup). All was quiet again until mid-September, when a footbridge collapsed near the Jawaharlal Nehru Stadium, injuring 23 people. The shockwaves of the collapse were felt not only in the building site, but all around the world with the Western media’s confidence about the readiness of the games falling almost as swiftly. Three days later, the BBC obtained photos that showed the state of the accommodation that the athletes would soon be living in. They showed sinks and baths covered in grit and dirt, beds with paw-prints on, trailing wires around the site and flooding from the air-conditioning units. At the time, England’s chef de mission Craig Hunter said, “With countries supposed to be moving in, there’s no plaster on walls, they are deep in water and extremely uninhabitable and quite dangerous in many respects”, and Commonwealth Games chief, Mike Hooper said, “there was excrement in places there shouldn’t be”. Hitting back at that, Lalit Bhanot, the secretary general of the Organising Committee, said that, due to cultural differences, there are different standards of hygiene and cleanliness in India compared with the Western World.

should look at at youth level, but that’s going back to things we’ve spoken about before” When it was suggested to him that it was pointless qualifying for finals if the team played in the ultra-defensive manner, and that smothering the game in that fashion would stop football altogether, Houston was dismissive. “I don’t think football will ever stop: I think that’s you going to extremes. Football won’t stop because people sit behind the ball … Craig will do what he thinks is best to try and get a result. I agreed with him, having looked at the Czech tapes”

Worryingly, Houston also referred to the microstate of Liechtenstein, ranked 149th by FIFA, as a role model for the Scottish national team. “Look at how Liechtenstein organised themselves against us. Everyone got behind the ball and for long spells it looked like they were going to come out with what they came for, and they’d have been over the moon with that” This depressing new tactic looks set to stay, so it seems that in the future Scotland can look forward to many more defeats and many more disappointing games. Go Scotland!

In addition, Bhanot also claimed that the athletes’ village: “is a world-class village, probably one of the best ever”. Sadly his views were a severe under-evaluation of the conditions; much akin to a salesman of the Titanic saying there were some ‘minor dings down the side, from the previous owner. They’ll buff out, honest. Now let me show you where Leonardo DiCaprio slept’. Since arriving at the Games, there have been too many issues to name them all. Here are but a choice few: excessive noise while archers lined up for shots; a diving board built too high; a running track that needed re-laying due to bumps; the ceiling on the weightlifting arena falling in and the swimming pool appearing to give some competitors a serious stomach virus. Also, factor in the sheer amount of money spent on the Games. The latest estimates put the cost at $6.8 billion, only $2 billion less than the bill for the Olympic Games in 2004. This from a country with the 11th highest GDP in the world, but with nearly 50% of population living below the poverty line surely the money could have been better appropriated? Three large slums were destroyed for the building of the Games, which turfed nearly 400,000 families out on the streets, this being the largest eviction of Indian citizens since ‘the Emergency’ of the 1970s. So after all that money, all that turmoil, all the controversy and the many frayed tempers in the international political arena, were the 2010

Commonwealth Games worth it? In my humble opinion, no. With the English taking home over 100 medals, it has been a largely successful Games for Team England. But the reason that any country hosts any major sporting event is to show that it is on par with its neighbours and can organise and stage a spectacle at that level. Sure, Delhi has displayed a spectacle, but similar to one you might see under the Big Top? Is this the sort of legacy that the planners would have wanted to have left behind? And is this the last time the world will entrust India with a major sporting event?

If you recycle, polar bears will treat you as their equal.

Connaught Place, venue for the Delhi Commonwealth Games, under construction

Le Nurb - October 2010

24 Sport Template

Brunel Boss Bournemouth Brunel’s winning girls with their trophy

Cara Hodkinson What do you get when you mix three graduates, one old girl, three trainee teachers and a tour rep? Brunel dominating the Bournemouth 7’s Beer Cup. Bournemouth 7’s originated as a festival of rugby but in 2009 saw the addition of netball leading to a mass increase in the number of people attending the event to over 20 000. 2010 was the year Brunel Pick ‘n’ Mix made the decision to enter the Netball Beer Cup. The festival is a prestigious event with the National Invitational Cup seeing a high calibre of athletes turn up to perform. The final of the

The Beer Cup!

Go team!

National Cup was a tight contest between Katz (the reigning champions) and Tutti Frutti (a young & exciting team) which finished with Katz just retaining their title. The final saw 4 Brunel Netball players and 3 coaches competing for top honours. Brunel Pick ‘n’ Mix entered the Beer Cup and had representatives from all of Brunel Netball Club. Some players were members of the 1st team whilst others were flying the flag for the 6th team. The competition started in the afternoon and Saturday morning was spent praying the rain would stop before we had to venture outdoors. The whole team were extremely smug about the lack of camping they had to endure.

The games started, and finished, with victories all round. Brunel’s girls left no mistakes unpunished! Sunday’s games continued in the same fashion and an undefeated weekend saw Brunel Netball win the Beer Cup after a dominant 12-6 score in the final. The team turned up to the tournament looking extremely professional with matching kit, even down to the personalised socks. Unfortunately, they were without the essentials and had to scrounge for bibs and a ball before they could play. The warm up consisted of carrying out squats whilst on each others backs; gymnastics competitions; and spoon trains. The team were there to win but were certainly going to enjoy

it whilst they did. Two evenings out in between the tough competition and eight girls in one bedroom for the weekend led to sporadic sleep and uncontrollable laughter. 8 girls, 1 shower – enough said! (I bet … Sports Ed.) The May bank holiday was filled with unpredictable weather and unexpected but thoroughly deserved success. Our eight Brunelians left Bournemouth early Monday morning with obscenely red faces; ridiculous tan lines; times to reminisce over for years to come, but most importantly, an extra addition to the trophy cabinet.


Lucozade Sport fuelling Brunel University Lucozade Sport are excited to kick off a new partnership with Brunel University as official Sports Nutrition Supplier. As you will know by now Brunel University is among the top sporting universities in the UK, and Lucozade Sport are here to help you get the best from your sport or exercise. As well as providing product and sports nutrition advice and testing to Brunel’s Sports Scholars, the wider sporting community at Brunel University can benefit from –

8 nutrition and hydration hints and tips from the Lucozade Sport Science Team (LSST),

8 access to drinks bottles and other useful hardware for your team through the Students Union, 8 20% discount on all products at www. – simply enter code BRU20L. In the first instalment of this Lucozade Sport series, Joel Enoch (Lucozade Sport Science Team) provides some handy hints and tips to help you eat healthily on a budget and ensure you are properly hydrated and fuelled for your training sessions, gym session or match.


Having been a student at Brunel I remember that take away menus come through the door on a daily basis. Although very tempting, remember that pizza, kebabs and chips shouldn’t be the basis of your diet! Healthy cereal and fruit for breakfast, tuna salad and bread for lunch and cous cous or pasta with chicken, with vegetables or salad are all cheaper, quicker than queuing at the local takeaway and will provide you with energy throughout the day! 8 Drink 2 litres of fluid per day, EVERY DAY! If you find it hard to drink this amount carry a drinks bottle with you to lectures to sip on regularly. 8 About 2-3hrs before you before you exercise, drink around 400-500ml of fluid and always take a drinks bottle to your training or the gym. 8 Lucozade Sport Lite is an ideal choice before, during or after exercise to provide electrolytes to keep you hydrated, whilst only containing 50 calories. 8 If you’re doing exercise that last longer than 60 minutes, you should drink a sports drink, such as Lucozade Sport Body Fuel to provide you with energy during the session. 8 After exercise, eat protein and carbohydrate as well as drinking fluids, this will help you to recover faster. Breakfast cereal, low-fat milkshakes with banana, or peanut butter on toast are great ways to start refuelling. For convenience or if you aren’t able to eat straight away try a specifically designed product such as a Lucozade Sport Recovery Bar or Powder.

For more nutrition advice visit the Lucozade Sport website -

Lucozade Sport Lite - hydrating Brunel University students

All Brunel University Sport Members are entitled to a 20% discount on Lucozade Sport products. Simply enter the code BRU20L at Please Recycle

Issue 2 2010