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LeNurb | September 2010

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LE NURB IS BACK WITH A NEW LOOK Welcome Freshers! To all Brunel students...

Those of you that are new to Brunel University – welcome, and to those of you that are returning to carry on with your course of study – welcome back. This is a very interesting and challenging time to be at University, we have a new coalition Government whose policy on Higher Education is as yet unclear and all governments across the world are facing a major recession which means that money is tight and will remain so for a while ahead. Whatever the outcome of these historical events it is our job to work together to ensure that you enjoy the best possible experience as a student and that experience is intellectual, social and political. Our goal is to enable you to get the most possible out of your degree such that you will enjoy learning at this level, gain a good highly competitive on the labour market; more than this we want you to meet new and interesting people and enjoy yourself and also

take on some of the duties and responsibilities that will enable you to become a good citizen of the future. Your University is going through an exciting time of growth and development both in terms of scale but also quality. Over the past few years we have invested £350million in the campus buildings and facilities and we have recently started to build a new Business School and University auditorium, at a cost of £35million, which is located at the Eastern Gateway to the campus. When complete this building will provide state of the art facilities for staff and students within that School but also enable all the other seven Schools within the University to expand, relocate and co-locate. In addition Brunel has embarked on a campaign to recruit 40 new senior members of academic staff to improve the staff-student ratio and our research output. We are now within the top 30 of researchintensive universities nationally your degree is regarded within the wider society. I am delighted that you have chosen to be with us

One of them shaped Britain as we know it ... the other has a silly hat. during this exciting time and I am sure that between us we can create an even greater Brunel tradition for the future and that you will

use that experience as a great launching pad for your own future. Professor Chris Jenks Vice Chancellor and Principal

Design student wins award

How to be a Student rep

First year at Brunel

Freshers pull out section

Joel Brasher Jones interview

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LeNurb | September 2010

features Editor’sand notes 2Columns

Gaz Corfield

Foreword from the Editor

Welcome to Brunel! As you read this, you’ll be settling into your new halls, getting to

been here for far too long (like I have) you’ll be moaning about your bank balance, counting down the moments until Loan Day and spending as little as possible on food so you can enjoy the alcoholic debauchery that is Freshers Week. Continuing on the returners theme for a sec, the more observant of you will see that Le Nurb has changed. We are now a newspaper, something we haven’t been since about 1979. This makes us greener and (more importantly from my point of view), cheaper to produce: meaning there’ll be more editions of Le Nurb this year! We also have a couple of entirely new sections to the paper: Coffee Break, including Vic Jeg’s new comic strip Overheard Stories, and the all-new Union News, which (oddly enough) features everything that’s new around UBS. So anyway, Freshers … we’ve actually put some thought into this issue to make it useful, ’cos I’m nice like that. In

Contact Us Editor (Coffee Break & Union News) – editor@lenurb.com News Sub-Editor – news@lenurb.com Features Sub-Editor – features@lenurb.com Arts & Reviews Sub-Editor – arts@lenurb.com Sport Sub-Editor – sport@lenurb.com

ATTENTION ALL PLANETS OF THE SOLAR FEDERATION! If you’re a troublemaker with more time than sense and like the idea of poking your nose into stuff that doesn’t concern you, then come and write for Le Nurb. We’re looking for journalists, writers, artists, photographers and reviewers. Failing any of those, just show up at the Media Office (opposite Brunel University Press) with food and beer. We like beer. Especially free beer. The Chief Designer also likes his red rum. Just thought we’d drop that in there. There’s more article ideas than there are writers at the moment, so if being commissioned to go and write about something is what you’re good at, get in touch! editor@lenurb.com

keep guide to everything happening during the week, and there’s a map of campus on it

chief designer Vic (who looks like me but with a slightly less impressive beard) is dancing to silence, I’ve run out of beer, there’s no more Chinese takeaway to graze on, security just came in to ask why the hell we’re here at half past ten on a Thursday night (Folkerd, there you go!) and, most crucially, I’ve got to be back in here at early o’clock tomorrow to start the whole cycle again. Just another day in the life of a student!

Victor Jeganathan

about how great uni was in their day, how the beer was cheaper and the girls prettier. Or something like that. Yeah. You know something? Right at this

Four words from the Chief Designer My beard beats Gaz’s


LeNurb | September 2010

Columns and featuresNews 3

Universities too focused on research Claire Mason Science Minister David Willetts has said the balance between researching and teaching has “gone wrong” in universities, after defending cuts to science research. While addressing vice chancellors, Mr Willetts said he was shocked by how little teaching was valued in lecturers’ promotions. Willetts argued that universities that demoted the importance of teaching risked “losing sight” of their mission. The science minister previously defended plans unveiled to “raise the bar” on science research funded by the taxpayer. During a speech on the future of higher education, Mr Willetts said: “It remains hard to shift the impression that what really counts in higher education

photo © US Army Environmental Command is research. This needs to change.” He told the Universities UK annual conference he had found a report

“shocking” that recommended only one in 10 senior promotions in top universities in top

teaching. Mr Willetts said the focus in research was due to the incentives created by successive governments’ policies. “We have strengthened the incentives for everyone to carry out research with no change in the regime for teaching,” he said. The minister’s statement that only research that was commercially useful or academically outstanding should be funded was not welcomed by universities and scientists. Mr Willetts defended his policy by saying to the BBC’s Today programme public spending was “running way ahead of what we can afford” and taxpayers should only fund the highest quality research. Universities are expecting budget cuts in the Comprehensive Spending Review scheduled for October.

UK slipping down European graduate league Claire Mason The UK is trailing behind its international rivals in the number of students graduating from University. Between 2000 and 2008, among top industrialised nations for the amount of young people graduating. The UK is now slipping behind higher education systems in Iceland, Poland, Portugal and Slovakia. The report by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development said there are no signs that the enlarged cost of university is outweighing the

successful economy,” said Andreas Schleicher, the OECD’s special adviser on education. The Russell Group of leading universities has argued that further cuts would demote the UK’s higher education system “to a lower division of higher education quality from which we would struggle ever to recover.” An annual report issued from the OECD showed changes in education systems in almost 40 top industrialised economies and strong international competition to expand higher education. The UK has been increasing

the number of students but has failed to keep up with the ever more rapid growth of international universities. It currently falls behind countries including Poland, Australia, Ireland and Slovakia, as well as established high performers such as Finland and Sweden. Finland has the highest graduation rate among young people with 46% of men and 80% of women compared to the UK with 30% of men and 40% of women. The OECD’s report argues that both students and the economy gain an advantage from increasing graduate numbers. Mr Schleicher says that unemployment rates remain much lower for graduates than non-graduates. The report also states that about one in four graduates studying in the UK will take non-graduate jobs. The OECD has said that higher education as even though the government subsidises students this is outweighed by the increased revenue from higher tax. The report also shows that in the UK each extra graduate brings £58,000 to the taxpayer over a working life. Mr Schleicher acknowledged Australia and New Zealand as this year’s high achievers at university level and highlighted the achievement of Finland, Japan and Canada at school level.

© Brunel University Graduates: returning to their former elite status? Tens of thousands of applicants failed to get university places in the UK this year due to the economic crisis. There has also been a warning issued from universities and student leaders about the impact of any further public spending cuts. “At a time when many of our competitors are investing in higher education and research as a way out of the recession, we cannot afford to be left behind,” says Steve Smith, president of Universities UK. The President of the National Union of Students, Aaron Porter, said: “With the UK already being left behind other countries in its graduation rates and public funding, a double whammy of short-sighted funding cuts and arbitrary limits on student places will make matters far worse in the years ahead.” Head of the UCU lecturers’ union, Sally Hunt, warned that the “coalition government’s refusal to summer will come back to haunt us.

Today’s report shows a worrying decline in the UK’s standing in the world of education. We have plummeted down the graduate league table, going from a major player to a relegation candidate in less than a decade.” Director General of the Russell Group of leading universities, Wendy Piatt, has argued that other countries would “While our universities are bracing themselves for a period of austerity and uncertainty, other nations are rightly pumping billions of dollars into their institutions at this key time before the world economy picks up.” Universities Minister David Willetts said the report showed that higher education “faces some real challenges, which the government is determined to tackle. We have already taken action to boost student numbers by funding an extra 10,000 places and more people than ever are starting university this autumn.”


LeNurb | September 2010

4 News

BBC vs. “The Stig” Paul Dunn Since 2003, Top Gear’s Stig has been an enigma to viewers across the country. Recent revelations have threatened the programme’s future format as the mysterious driver reveals himself. Ex-Formula Three racer Ben Collins began writing his memoirs last Christmas after his job security came into question. Collins, 35, has previously appeared on the BBC programme as an expert driver however recent revelations that he is the man in the white suit has led to his immediate dismissal from the programme. From the perspective of the BBC and Top Gear producers, The Stig is one of television and motor racings best kept secrets. HarperCollins, who have now published Collins’ autobiography under the title ‘The Man In The White Suit’. BBC chiefs objected to the publishers’ unauthorised cashing in on the Top Gear brand and attempted

agreement signed by Collins to block the release of the book. Collins alleges that the BBC themselves revealed his identity, by listing him as a potential Stig in the Radio Times. After the hiring of different drivers to portray his role as “The Stig” Collins was led to believe that his future on the hit TV show was under serious threat. Angered by comments made by Andy Wilman, Top Gear’s producer, which compared him to a Dalek or the Blue Peter dog, he responded in an interview by saying: “I don’t think it’s quite the same thing and I thought I could leave with more respect than that.” Top Gear hosts Jeremy Clarkson and James May have recently hit out at Collins following his actions. Advertising for drivers in a top tabloid newspaper have revealed the bitterness felt towards the former ‘tame racing driver’. Collins alleges that the BBC themselves revealed his identity, by listing him as a potential Stig in the Radio Times.

Sunday Times University Guide 2011 Amy Blackford Unsurprisingly the universities of Oxford and Cambridge have topped the Sunday Times University Guide for 2011.

The list, published on the 12th September 2010, reveals the top universities throughout the United Kingdom. Comparing student satisfaction as well as many other variables the guide is fre-

Parliamentary Phone Hacking Scandal

Paul Dunn A fresh enquiry into the alleged phone hacking scandal that dominated this summer’s headlines has been announced by the Government. Former News of the World editor Andy Coulson resigned after serious allegations were made suggesting that that his employees had engaged in phone hacking. A recent report in the New York Times alleged that Coulson had "actively encouraged" his reporters to engage in the illegal interception of voicemail. Mr Coulson became the Conservative Party's Director of Communications mere months after the original scandal, and is now the highest paid special advisor to the government. Scotland Yard chiefs and several MPs have been criticised for their handling of the case. It is alleged that close links between detectives and the News of the World highly quently used by potential students when deciding where to further their education. Critics have often slammed the list by complaining that it does not truly represent the universities fairly and accurately. Brunel University came in at a very respectable

NUS to organise demo against funding cuts

Andy Coulson, former News of the World editor

brought to an abrupt end. There have been claims prevent the truth from prevailing have criticised who will be leading this conversation as MPs currently in charge. 49 out of 122 universities surveyed, dropping two places since last year. With 65 out of 100 stua 2:1 the university is often praised ployment within a year of leaving.

Sophie Carver ‘Arts and Architecture’ at the Bedlam Gallery

© Mark Large David Willetts, minister, is proposing cuts to HE

Gaz Corfield The NUS have launched a new website, http://www.demo2010. org/, to protest against government cuts to higher education. The coalition government has planned to cut some £1.5bn from university budgets across England and Wales, placing a greater burden upon institutions to fund their current

projects themselves. Aaron Porter, NUS President, said: “The National Demonstration is an opportunity for students to raise concerns with government plans to cut savagely into the further and higher education budgets, which would undoubtedly be disastrous for both sectors.” In addition to the NUS’ attempt to mobilise its members,

the University and College Union issued a joint letter to its members, along with the NUS, claiming that the national cuts would translate into “further budget cuts of 25% or more in colleges and universities.” The Union of Brunel Students also plans to send a contingent to the protests, which are taking place in Central London on the 10th November. For more info, email su.president@brunel.ac.uk

A new art exhibition has been showing this summer at the Beldam Gallery at Brunel University. The exhibition entitled “Artists and Architecture” is showing work from artists that are inspired by urban design and architecture. It includes work developed by James Winnett that responds to the shifting architectural, social and historical make up of the Brunel campus. Artists and Architecture will be showing on weekdays from 10.00am – 5.00pm until the 8th October 2010.

Brunel Fun Fact: The Hub was called The Bishop.


LeNurb | September 2010

News 5

RAF Bomber Command to receive Central London monument Gaz Corfield In a belated move by Westminster Council, permission was granted for the building of a monument to the airmen of RAF Bomber Command, the Second World War. Whilst other World War Two formations have their own memorials, such as the 7th Armoured (Desert Rats) Division’s in Thetford Forest, Bomber Command’s memorial is an emotive subject because for just over four of the Command were the only British personnel striking out against Nazi Germany. Bombing raids over German cities destroyed factories and railway lines, seriously hampering the German war effort, and the Command’s efforts also included the famous Dambusters raid, using the ‘bouncing bomb’. However, after the war there was great controversy over Bomber Command’s policy of

bombing German cities. Repeated raids killed many civilians and architecture; in particular, the city of Dresden suffered four consecutive raids that completely destroyed 15 square miles of the city centre and caused the deaths of some 25,000 people. In light of this, there was little appetite to build a permanent memorial to the aircrew

accounted for some 44% of the Command’s personnel. Given that these brave individuals were Great Britain’s only means of striking back at the heart of the Nazi menace between 1939 and 1944, it is about time that they were properly remembered.

Design student wins national award

to become an annual event. They launched the contest to challenge UK students to create fresh new product ideas for the promotional market. The BPMA deals with promoting best practise around the sourcing, manufacturing and distribution of promotional products. The award was sponsored by multinational conglomerate 3M, inventors of the Post-it Note.

Sophie Carver

© Rebmic via Flickr Command in WW2

Westminster city council’s decision to go back on decades of

night after night, over hundreds of miles over enemy-held territory,

BPMA Design Innovation Award this summer. Undergraduate design student Andrea Pisa beat over 120 other entrants to the £1,000 prize. Her entry was a lock designed for use on bags that can only be opened with two hands, safeguarding personal belongings when out in public. The competition was held by the British Promotional Merchandise Association and is set

Andrea Pisa accepting her award outside the BPMA headquarters

Brunel Fun Fact: Le Nurb began life as Le Nurb, then changed to Isambard, then back to Le Nurb, then to Route Le Nurb.

We are looking for ... Duct tape loving*, multi tasking*, scaffold tower building*, jumping*, hopping*, stark raving mad*, panic avoiding*, running*, groan at actors under breath when they miss their lighting cues capable*, multi skilled*, silly*, hold a paint brush capable*, interested in learning how to do stage sound*, don’t mind making and painting strange props able* and awesome*

Techies

* All within health and safety parameters of the Arts Centre

If you are interested and you think that you meet any these essential criteria come over to the Howell Theatre on the 30th of September at 6.30 pm


LeNurb | September 2010

6 Union News

UBS News Priya Pallan Welcome Freshers! Congratulations and welcome to Brunel, prepare yourself for the best years of your life … it all starts now! Let me start by telling you a little bit about myself, I am currently UBS President. The Union of Brunel Students is run by students for students. I graduated last year with a

Joel Brasher Jones Hello to all those who are about to grace upon the wondrous land that is Brunel. My name is Joel B-J (make as many jokes as you want, I do) and I am the Student Activities Vice President. I have been here

represents the students of Brunel

University within the institution, locally and nationally. We facilitate the student rep scheme within your schools, as well as the 100+ clubs and societies. We have a free Advice and Representation Centre and lead awareness and change campaigns to improve your Brunel experience. There are so many different ways to get involved, my advice to you is to get stuck in and make the most of your University experience. This year alongside our numerous campaigns and events, we will be organising a ‘Fund our Future: Stop the Cuts’ national

for longer than I remember but I have loved every minute of it. One the main reasons behind that is being a part of a sports team and a few societies. There are loads of things to do at Brunel and loads of clubs and societies to join. If your interests are elsewhere then you can start up your society or sports club, it is really easy. We also have a lot charity work going on and these wonderful

people are called the RAG team. RAG stands for raise and give and there are a number of events which you , yes you, can get involved, including a pirate invasion to another uni; hitchhiking to somewhere random in Europe; these to name but a few. If you have any energy after your lectures then get involved in something at the University. Try something new once in a while,

law degree and after an amazing four years I wanted to give something back and shape my Union, I ran in the elections for the position of VicePresident Academic Representation. After a brilliant year representing Brunel Students I couldn’t leave, so I ran for UBS President … you are reading this now but in a few years time you could be the one writing it! The Union of Brunel Students is so much more than a bar … (although it’s a pretty amazing bar!) we are a democratic, independent,

against the coalition government cuts to education. So watch this space. have an open door policy, so pop into the Union anytime if you have any problems, even better, just come in for a chat! Looking forward to seeing you all! All the best, Priya UBS President you never know you might like it, and to quote a certain beverage brand, “What’s the worst that could happen?” You can get involved in all aspects, be that playing or just social, Brunel will have the thing for you, and if not, come talk to us about it and we shall try and put it right. So once again Brunelians, get involved, and welcome to the family!

Student Representatives What do Reps do?

Course Reps:

Attend Staff-Student Liaison Committee meetings to suggest improvements to courses; Talk to module and course leaders to resolve issues facing students on each course; Be available for students who need advice or support.

School Reps:

Attend School Board meetings to suggest School-wide improvements for students; Talk to senior academic staff to resolve issues facing all students in the School; Co-ordinate with the Course Reps to ensure awareness of issues on each course.

Why are they important? They can help with a lot of the most common issues that you might face: timetable clashes; assessment feedback; late submission penalties; library resources; computer resources; lecture quality; and u-Link materials What’s in it for me? Accreditation and something valued by employers to put on your CV; Training in skills like public speaking, meeting management, and problem-solving; The power to improve Brunel and your time here. Nominate yourself online today: brunelstudents.com/studentreps


LeNurb | September 2010

Union News 7

UBS Autumn Elections 2010 Positions Available: Take the Power! You can take power at your Union by standing in the UBS Autumn Elections 2010. You can stand for: Student Trustee; One of 20 positions on Student Assembly open to any student; Academic Minorities Chair; Student Volunteering Chair; World Students Chair; One of 3 NUS Conference Delegates. For more information on any of the positions pick up a Nomination Pack from UBS Reception in the Hamilton Centre Atrium, or email joe.greenwood@brunel.ac.uk

Sam Middlewood To all others, welcome back! If you have just arrived on campus, don’t hesitate to ask questions of the start of my 4 years as an Engineering student here at Brunel, I was in the same place you are now, and since then I’ve been through everything that you are likely to experience here at Brunel and possibly more.

Vice President Avina Community Welfare Patel Avina Patel Welcome Freshers and returning students! Prior to being elected onto the Union Exec, I graduated in Business Studies and Sport Sciences, and like you have experienced moving away from home into halls, making new friends, dealing with time management so please don’t

here for you this week, but your Presidents) are also here for the whole of your academic year. My job started back in July, just after my graduation, and during the summer I have attended a range of events including: NUS training courses on how to effectively deliver change to you, our students; a conference to discuss how we as the cuts which are facing Higher Education; and the rest of the time for the year ahead. In my position as Vice President Academic Representation, hesitate to come and see us for advice! As your Vice President Community Welfare, I aim to inspire you, the students, through branching out and engaging you in nonacademic issues making full use of some exciting campaigns throughout the year, as well as working to Students both internally and within the wider community through volunteering and accreditation as well as facilitating coordination and development of the Advice and Representation Centre (ARC).

I can offer advice, guidance and representation to you as a student, should you require it with anything relevant to your academic studies at the University. I also oversee the Student Representation Scheme. As you will see over the next few weeks, we are currently recruiting for new Student Reps. Each level of each course here at Brunel offers the opportunity for any student to become a Rep. If you are keen to use your voice to bring change to your course, school, and potentially the whole University, you should really consider becoming a rep, and believe me this year’s scheme is set to be the best yet. Find out more at

brunelstudents.com/reps You will see constant improvement and change in your Student Union this year, and I think YOU should be involved in that change! There are many ways to get involved with UBS, brunelstudents. com/yourunion is the place to start.

Our ARC on campus is the best place to get advice on anything ranging from academic issues, to money and housing problems. The ARC Advisors are available all year

We will all be heavily involved during Fresher’s week working alongside the contacts providing a warm and welcoming atmosphere, and will be around the year so please go down to the Hamilton Centre where all your

advice to all Brunel students! They are also going to be out on the Quad during Freshers’ Week running The Hangover Hut to give you all a nice relaxing place to have a chat, ask questions and get advice from the best people to give it; ARC Angels, Find out more about the ARC at brunelstudents.com/arc

See you on campus, Middlewood Vice President Academic Representation – e: vp.academicrep@brunel.ac.uk text; 07944011779 http://twitter.com/brunelvpar

Look forward to seeing you all soon! Avina – Vice President Community Welfare vp.communitywelfare@brunel.ac.uk text: 07944001788


LeNurb | September 2010

8 Features

First Year At Brunel Amy Blackford Breaking out of the comforts of a semi-detached house in Surrey to a small room in a seven story building obsessed with middlewas different. But it is those opportunities where you get to speak to people from all different walks of life. Looking back at some photos I took throughout the year bring a huge smile to my face. It is crazy to compare the freedom you have when living out of home for

about the boundaries restricting your social life: this year has been a sense of freedom that I have never felt before. Now before you go thinking I am a sad, pathetic excuse for a teenager, going to nightclubs and the pub weren’t the norm in the conservative society that I lived in. Combined with the fact that I had to wait until the end of the academic year until my 18th, those who did go out soon became bored of going to the same old places. University has since completely transformed my life, in particular the social aspect. Gone are the days where night and takeaway with my group of friends back home,

that know me well know that I

at all. I often suffer from panic attacks throughout exams, before presentations and pretty much any other time when a huge amount of something is needed from me. When attending lectures I felt that sense of achievement university that I had wanted to go to and studying the course that I had always had an interest in. My ambition soon soared and eventually I became a student rep for my course as well as a student ambassador for the university. Now I know that image of a sad, pathetic excuse for a teenager is probably seeping its way back

you have restrictive parents and a middle class society that frowns upon you stumbling through the door at 4am. The atmosphere at university is completely different, however, and the students staggering home become great comic value; especially on a Wednesday night as we trail the streets of Uxbridge back to campus. University has been an eventful one to say the least and has led to strong friendships forming. It is the type of bond where you feel a strong urge to defend certain people at the smallest of things. At the end of the day I know I can say that the people I have met this year are, indeed, friends for life. From fun fancy-dress frolicking to the Sunday roast in The Hub, Brunel has more than exceeded my expectations of what a university experience should be. Forget about curfews, forget

day progressed and my contacts list grew I eventually thrived in the environment with people approaching me to praise my work. You cannot begin to imagine that indescribable feeling. That buzz. That satisfaction. I knew from that moment onwards that this was just my time to shine had come. By far my favourite memories are of Freshers’ Week. Having been inspired to become a freshers’ week contact for this year’s intake I only hope to be as welcoming as the students were to me. That overwhelming feeling you gain from yelling chants at the top of your voice, surrounded by

instead I seem to be replacing it with pirate invasions and foam parties throughout London. Receiving my results this year felt nothing like the apprehension and anxiety I felt when expecting my A Level results. I knew this year that I had done well. Those people

to your perception of me but my loyalty to the university had become so strong that I wanted to represent it because of all the good that it has done me. A standard give and take relationship is what we still have to this very moment. I will let you into a little

Queen of Hearts Dolly Brunson. Phil Ivey. Phil Hellmuth. Daniel Negreanu. All poker stars, all male. It’s no secret poker has always been a male-orientated game, traditional poker big-dogs being of the XY-chromosome, with women left behind to assume the position of dealer. However, the previous few years has seen a rise in women

year at university. Do not hesitate on a single opportunity that comes your way because you never know where it can lead you. I was given an opportunity to go to a press conference training exercise at Selhurst Park, the home of Crystal Palace Football Club. My self-confidence plummeted as soon as I met the other students as it soon dawned on me that they were far more experienced journalists, most knew how to do shorthand and some even had jobs at national newspapers where as I was an undergraduate student in

playing professionally and leisurely. Female tournaments, competitions and female-based website have been inspired by the increasing participation of women, like 21-yearold Annette Obrestrad: the youngest, female player to win a World Series of Poker Europe bracelet. The poker equivalent to winning the World Cup. Recently turned professional

player, India Storrar, describes being a female in a male-dominant world and how she felt leaving her steady job to pursue one of a poker player. She explains how it has taken its toll and yet improved her life and gives advice to women wanting to break into professional poker. India’s previous jobs as broker and investment banker were stressful but stable; ironically

quash that anxiety you feel when arriving at university. I can honestly say that if it was not for those occasions then I would not have settled in as quickly as I did. If I could offer any advice to the new students arriving this year it would be to fully immerse yourself into university life otherwise the only person holding you back from settling in is yourself.

Natasha Prayag her stress levels improved. India says ‘when I began playing professionally; I had no idea how awful it would be having no guaranteed income! I do feel guilty whenever I am not playing!’ ‘The hours are unsociable for me to socialise with normal (nonpoker) friends. Especially if they want to meet for drinks in the evening,


LeNurb | September 2010

Features 9 it means I have to drink a few hours after I wake and then I don’t want to play afterwards as I can’t play my “A-game” after a few beverages! So, I am basically awake until morning, on my own, and not making any money! I am lucky I have friends that are professional players too, so they have the same schedule’. India found her female break into poker relatively straightforward, she acquainted with professional players and thus understood bankroll management and game selection. was unfortunately not so pleasant; explaining this is the reason women worry about playing poker amongst men, but she vehemently extends women shouldn’t let this dissuade them: the poker club, I decided I wasn’t going to play in a public club or casino again. One horrible guy called me an idiot for making a bad call… Nowadays, I don’t care what anyone says but at the time I thought it was mean! I only went back to this club because I promised a friend I would take them, but then I really enjoyed the second time I played there. Given why more women don’t play, though

this is no reason, if you love the game, play!’ As for joining a maledominated society, India bravely thought very little of it, especially given her previous occupation which too was heavily male-dominated and her past and current partners have been professional players too. I asked India to give advice to any budding females wishing to make the big time. She heartily suggests ‘getting involved in a poker community. I have been going to a poker club nearby where I live for a few years, so I have lots of poker colleagues. Especially if you are going to be playing online, you can easily start to feel isolated so it’s great to have people supporting you and people to discuss hands/tournaments with.’ Nik Persaud, poker alias ‘Reraiseallin’ is a professional player, poker pundit and owner of BlackBeltPoker.com. Nik agrees ‘too little a percentage of players are female, though this percentage may appear bigger. The number is small, but there is no reason why this number can’t and will not substantially grow. I’d love to see more women playing’. Unlike others, Nik is opposed to separate gender games and would like to see everybody

Image via Flickr from Olivier Duperray

play together, ‘so long as they have a brain it doesn’t matter whether they are male or female. When everyone can sit together and play, the gap between male and female players will decrease.’ I asked Nik how swapping the traditional 9-to-5 job as a male has changed his life and how this differs from women. Nik describes himself as a ‘night person’, late nights and unsociable hours suit him. ‘With the revenue provided by poker, thankfully my family are supportive. However, the negative opinion on

gambling by family and friends on women wanting to turn professional can enormously discourage many women from making the transition. They should never let this stop them, chase the dream, they deserve it. It will take its toll on relationships for both: while I slept, my ex-girlfriend would play and while she slept, I would play’; India Storrah continues to establish herself as a professional poker player and hopes she can be an inspiration to other women wishing to do the same. There is plenty of space in poker for women, and men.

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Illustration Ciara Phelan, a recent graduate from Brighton University.

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LeNurb | September 2010 Columns and features 10 Features

Natasha Prayag Nobody should be denied the right to return home. What if you were denied that basic right? What if you were aggressively removed from your home, dropped thousands of miles away and forced to live in beyond deplorable conditions? Well, this has happened and continues to happen beneath our unsuspecting noses. In the late 1960s on an island unfamiliar to most, Diego Garcia -a small, idyllic island belonging to the Chagos Archipelago located in the Indian Ocean- its two-thousand inhabitants were forcefully removed by the British to allow the occupation of thousands of US soldiers and personnel; resulting in the illegal exile and severe mistreatment of two-thousand indigenous human beings. To secure Diego Garcia; the British agreed to grant independence over neighbouring Mauritius. In return they did not claim Diego Garcia or any other island within the Archipelago. Furthermore, the island was renamed ‘British Indian Owned Territory’ and leased to the US. After a deal struck between the US and UK government, the island was transformed into a US naval base in return for just $14 million. To ease the illegal extradition of the two thousand Chagossian people along, the then UK government maintained the abominable pretence; Diego Garcia was not in possession of an established society nor was it home to an indigenous population, just notable lie. The Chagossian people had resided on the island for several generations prior to their exile and had built shops, a school and a church. Moreover, the exile was sickeningly described by Sir Paul (1966) in his letter to diplomat Dennis Greenhill: “We must surely be very tough about this. The object of the exercise is to get some rocks which will remain ours... There will be no indigenous population except seagulls...” This was responded to by Greenhill: “Along with the birds go some few Tarzans or Man Fridays whose origins are obscure and who are hopefully being wished on to Mauritius.” The inhabitant’s animals were disturbingly gassed to death and in 1968 the Chagossian people were shipped to neighbouring Mauritius and Seychelles and the

The Right to Return UK, with no form of compensation or accommodation, forced to live in dilapidated housing without water or electricity and made to stew in their own, poignant sadness. This led to many taking their own lives. This was allowed to happen under Harold Wilson’s Labour government. In 2000, after years of tumultuous appealing, the exile of the two-thousand Chagossians

activity within the former Soviet Union after its expansion. Heinously breaching human rights laws and treaties, suspicions that Diego Garcia could have held detained “terror” suspects, much like Guantanamo, though the US and UK government deny any such activity. The island may also home nuclear weapons, contrary to the Treaty of Pelindaba: an African treaty for a nuclear-free zone;

arrest, detention or exile. This was breached. . Article 13: (1) Everyone has the right to freedom of movement and residence within the borders of each state and (2) Everyone has the right to leave any country, including his own, and to return to his country. This was breached. Article 25: (1) Everyone has the right to a standard of living adequate for the health and wellbeing of himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and medical care and necessary social services, and the right to security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control and (2) Motherhood and childhood are entitled to special care and assistance. All children, whether born in or out of wedlock, shall enjoy the same social protection. This was breached. The evident breaching accounts for a further seven articles for human rights according to the protecting the rights of whom it is supposed to: human beings. Thus far, to discuss the matter and it would seem the staff in the UK-ownership and human rights department at

by the courts and the right to return home was reinstated to the indigenous inhabitants of Diego Garcia. However, in 2004, Jack Straw’s sudden two Orders of Council removed this right once again. Furthermore, the shadow Foreign Secretary David Miliband recent proposition to designate the Archipelago a Marine Protection Area would deny the Chagossians their principal means of livelihood, ultimately prohibiting their ability to return. The plight of the Chagossians was uncovered by acclaimed investigative journalist, John Pilger, whose documentary ‘Stealing a Nation’ won the Royal Television Society’s ‘Best Documentary’ prize in 2004. Pilger uncovered the horrendous treatment and the carefully concealed series of lies fabricated by the British government. To this day, many remain unaware of the issue, though the naval base located on the island is home to B-52 bombers used against Iraq and Afghanistan. The island was initially leased to the US to monitor

signed by all territories in Africa. Having leased Diego Garcia to the US, the UK believe the island to be exempt from the treaty, although it as: ‘(b) “Territory” meaning the land territory, internal waters, territorial seas and archipelagic waters and the airspace above them as well as the sea bed and subsoil beneath’. currently advocates ‘human rights’ though they plan to create a Marine Conservation Area which would prohibit the Chagossians from returning. They proudly boast their work based on the principles of the Universal Declaration on Human Rights and numerous human rights treaties. They maintain the belief in a set of rights belonging to each and every human being: regardless of gender; religion; disability etc. their provisions and work for equal human rights on their website. hypocrisy. According to Article 9 of the Declaration on Human Rights: No one shall be subjected to arbitrary

annual leave comprises a few weeks, not all 52). Then why the eternal silence? Defensiveness? Evasion? Guilt. If you, like me and many others, believe the people of Chagos should be fully compensated and their right to return home reinstated, please sign the petition at: http:// www.gopetition.com/petitions/letthe-chagos-islanders-return-home. html. Alternatively, please write to your local MP by going to www. parliament.uk, click ‘MP, Lords and see your local MP. Oblige them to they place pressure upon the failing to right the wrongs of two-thousand people spanning two generations. Email Joanne Yeadon (joanne. yeadon@fco.gov.uk) to discuss and Zoe Townsley (zoe.townsley@ fco.gov.uk) regarding UK ownership of Chagos. Thank you.


LeNurb | September 2010

Features 11

A Student’s Life Revisited Mike Ryder When Gaz asked me to write a sort of ‘retrospective’ piece for the Freshers’ issue of LeNurb, naturally I jumped at the chance. ‘Great,’ I thought to myself, ‘a chance at last to tell the world what university is really like’. ‘But wait,’ said Gaz, ‘you mustn’t scare the kiddies.’ ‘Oh,’ I replied. ‘Damn.’ This was going to be far harder than I had anticipated.

This was going to take some serious thought… So, having drained a few bottles of cider to try and bring myself back to that familiar student-state, I sat down at my computer and began to think. I wrote a few words down on year at Brunel. Parties… Check. Fire-alarms… Check. Late-night Guitar Hero sessions…. Check. Copious amounts of cider… Check. Double check… Actually, better make that a triple check! At this point, my memory

started to turn hazy. Wasn’t there

sure. year photo collection to try and jog my memory. Parties… Check. More parties… Check. Academy… Check. Locos… Check. That was it. Locos: the hub of my life at Brunel and the place where I enjoyed some of some of the best nights of my life. I thought of the people I’d met; the friends I’d made. I remembered the countless the entire downstairs of the students’ union with the likes of Lionel Richie, Spandau Ballet and Bonnie Tyler. Now I was getting somewhere. I looked closer at the photos. I looked at the faces. They all looked so young. Had three years really passed by already? It was at this point I decided to grab another bottle of cider. It’s hard work being a writer sometimes. I sat back down to continue brainstorming. Everything I wrote now came back to one central word: friends. I’d found my answer. It’s strange to think, looking back at it now, how fast those three years of my degree passed. I don’t think for one moment I expected it to go by as quickly as it did. Three years. Three whole years, and for what?

Us versus Us Sarah Tawfiq

to the unachievable yardstick of perfection that is held above girls’ heads, that is the true dynamic: us versus us. It’s easy to go around talking about how they make women feel insecure, and inferior, and less than; how the beauty industry has set an archetype that is impossible to attain; how it is society that is compelling women

to starve themselves, and go to of how they need to look to be beautiful. But who is they? There is no dastardly organisation holding secret meetings to decide over tea and biscotti that the emaciated crack whore look is going to be all the rage for the upcoming Autumn season. There are no meetings. There is no conspiracy. At least, not in the way we’d like to think of it. We are the conspiracy. We are the ones buying, promoting, creating, supporting, and enabling every aspect of the irrationally high beauty bar we all declare to abhor.

No one is culpable but ourselves. Now, before you start lighting the corner of this page on fashion and beauty industries are, by and large, run by women. Edited, written, designed, concepted by women. Bought almost wholly by women (and a handful of gay men). We are the engine that runs the machine. We are the little, angry man behind the curtains of Oz. The foremost thing that we all need to do is understand that its all fake, it is make-believe. All of it, fun, fantasy, dress-up makebelieve. The images you see in fashion magazines are the product of hours of pulling and pushing and taping and pasting and pinning and smooshing and sucking in and

So I got a good degree, I made some awesome friends, and I wrote for this magazine more times than perhaps a sane man should. Even still, after all the things I did – all the things I accomplished – while at Brunel, I sometimes wish I’d done more. Take these words of advice from me then my friends, and may they guide your next three years. Remember that though it may not seem like it now, three years is actually only a short length of time in the grand scheme of things. Be sure to make the most of every opportunity that comes your way. Have fun, but have fun responsibly. Remember that you’re here to learn as well as to have fun. Don’t leave work till the last minute, and especially don’t in your third year! Work hard and you will certainly reap the rewards of your endeavour. With a little bit of thought and planning, you can easily work hard and still have time to party and hang out with your friends. So there you have comprehensive guide to a student in the space of hundred words. Simple

it: a being a few really!

Locos, sitting watching the world go by, please think of us former students, and the countless souls that have gone before you and those that will doubtless follow. While you’re at it, why not even put on a little Lionel Richie for old time’s sake, just for me. Think of us, and make us proud. Have fun, work hard, stay safe. www.mjryder.net

hours of posing that would make one of those human statues in Covent Garden weep into his tipcup. heartedly that I read fashion magazines, and am, at times, quite seduced by them, but a good amount of time, I look at them for what they are: not the bible, not an instruction booklet, just a big book full of pictures of people wearing a lot of stuff I wish I owned but would probably spill a plate of pasta on within minutes of getting dressed. The important thing to keep in mind is that it’s okay if they affect us, they just cannot be permitted to rule our lives.


LeNurb | September 2010

12 Features

Sarah Casey

‘All of this.’ Ever felt alone? By alone (and there are many variations on this theme) I mean alone in the sense that you wander the Brunel campus and wonder, where am I ‘in all of this’? Do you know? Do you know where you actually are in all of this? What exactly does ‘all of this’ mean, or rather, what does it mean to you? And how can you begin to negotiate ‘all of this’ when you don’t even know where the toilets are? Alternatively, let’s assume that you feel patronised by the above question. Let’s assume that you are one of 10,000 undergraduates or 4,000 postgraduates who know exactly how particular order, set on a trajectory for social and academic success. You stand at ease in Brunel’s Café Rococo. Your backside pouts from Gucci jeans. You don’t linger, you don’t sweat over the over-priced sandwich options in the chiller cabinet. Why would you? You know where you are and who you are in ‘all of this’. And, more importantly, you know what you want. You want a skinny decaff latte with geneticallyof cinnamon syrup. No chocolate sprinkles. And, yes … you want to drink in, not take away. You’re meeting friends. You have lots. Having been served way

customers ahead of you, you negotiate your way down the long line of stillto-be-served faces that stare longingly at the empty leather sofa that has just gained its Investors in Feng Shui It’s yours. Of course, it’s yours. You belong between two plumped leather squabs and an armful of friends. You have not wandered the Brunel campus and wondered, ‘where am I in all of this?’ This question has no relevance in your life. As such, you stop reading this article and abandon Le Nurb on the coffee table with a Perhaps some of you are now thinking, ‘is this a secret coffee shop for special people, or the one next to the library that is all chrome and clinical? Let’s just get one thing straight: secret coffee shops and secret places do not exist at Brunel. Do they? I have looked. I have wanted to press various library shelves and intimidating doors because - and here’s an embarrassing admission – I have felt that I am on the wrong side of university life. In my paranoid state, I have been convinced that I am starring in Brunel’s equivalent of The Truman Show. In my late thirties, I am, of course, a mature student. I am an academic minority. You only have to be over twenty-three to claim that glamorous title as your own. I often wonder what other mature students are doing here, or rather, what circumstances have preceded their reentry into Higher Education so late in life. As an English student, you may not be surprised to discover that I have constructed all manner of fanciful narratives on this very issue. This is because everyone else’s life is deeply interesting. Unlike my self, other

Image © Mandy Dale “Imagine being drunk and staggering into this toilet ...” mature students stand under Brunel’s concrete arches with collars up and cigarettes smouldering. They share Hawking and Dawkins, and talk with raised eyebrows about the economy and sodomy. They look wind-swept and interesting. I, on the other hand, emerge from the Ladies with my skirt tucked in my underwear. I started at Brunel on Monday 6th September, and became a fully enrolled student on Brunel’s PGCE Secondary English course. There was much heart-pounding and uncertainty as I attended the welcome meeting. Starting anything can be intensely surreal. I spent the next two days having an out-of-body experience. I was neither fully absent nor present. I was preoccupied with a simultaneous desire to engage on every level, with every task, with every person, yet I place, hover above it all, linger on the outside and push my face up against the safety of the glass.

I found secret toilets. I can’t tell you

where they are but I’ll describe them to you. Every cubicle is unoccupied. They are freshly mopped. There are no hand towels in the bin. The soap dispensers are full. The mirrors are to-ceiling fresh air. It is so beautifully quiet that through an open high window you can hear a distant world carrying on without you. Secret toilets: things like this make me happy. The second thing to happen was that I returned from my out-ofbody experience. I started to engage with the other students on my course. I left my inhibitions in the secret toilets and allowed the experience of being with others to permeate my that nobody is wind-swept, but all are interesting. Nobody has talked ‘economy or sodomy’, but I shall insist on some form of drunken debate when we inevitably have a night out. So, at the end of week one, where am I ‘in all of this’? Unglamorously, I have located myself between an (un)public convenience and a bar.

Our designer is buggering off! We believe he is going to hide in Tower A and learn about something called


LeNurb | September 2010

13 Zone A Chadwick Gaskell Health Economics Research Group School of Arts (taught programmes) Marie Jahoda Brunel Law School School of Social Sciences (UG, PG and research offices) Meeting House

Zone B Arts Centre Bragg Experimental Techniques Centre Brunel University Press

Isambard Complex A. North B. Meadow C. Michael Bevis D. Concourse E. Stephen Bragg F. West G. Maurice Kogan H. David Neave I. Central J. East K. Runnymede L. George Shipp M. Trevor Slater N. Shoreditch O. Syd Urry P. South Q. Brian Winstanley

Halsbury Graduate School Institute for the Environment School of Sport and Education Wolfson Centre Heinz Wolff Biosciences (enquiries) Brunel Institute for Bioengineering School of Sport and Education John Crank Computer Centre Mathematical Sciences (enquiries)

Zone C Bannerman Centre Assistive Technology Centre Cash Office Disability and Dyslexia Service Job Shop Library Placement and Careers Centre Student Centre West London Assessment Centre Hamilton Centre Brunel Hospitality Brunel Volunteers Campus Shops Students’ Union Lecture Centre Conference Office Media Services

Recital (Roberts) Room APDU Michael Sterling Brunel Business School (taught programmes) Research Support and Development Office School of Engineering and Design (PG taught and research programmes) Wilfred Brown Alumni Beldam Gallery Estates (Operations and Resources) Finance Marketing Registry/Admissions Security

Zone D Antonin Artaud Howell Howell Theatre (Howell Centre) Joseph Lowe Distribution Centre Maintenance Medical Centre Tower A Brunel Centre for Advanced Solidification Technology Design Exhibition Centre School of Engineering and Design (UG taught programmes) Tower B BITLab Tower C and D

14 15 16 17

Zone E

ACCOMMODATION

Zone A

Please do not use UB8 3PH in any satnav devices as these service providers have not yet adjusted their directions to the new vehicular entrance in Kingston Lane.

1

Uxbridge, Middlesex, UB8 3PH, UK Tel 01895 274000 Fax 01895 232806 www.brunel.ac.uk

Zone G

Isambard Complex A–Q

Zone E

Brunel Science Park Elliott Jaques Brunel Business School (taught programmes) Gardiner CLEAPSS Russell Brunel International (including LIBT) International Pathways and Language Centre MBA

Lancaster Complex 13 Borough Road Hall Maria Grey Hall Lancaster Hall Southwark Hall Stockwell

Mary Seacole Health and Social Care (enquiries) St Johns Information Systems and Computing (enquiries) Indoor Athletics Centre Lancaster Conference Suite Sports Centre

Sports Park

Galbraith Hall Fleming Hall Mill Hall

Zone F

2 3 4

Accommodation Office Counselling Service Housing Office

Athletics Arena Netball Courts Sports Pavilion Synthetic Pitches Tennis Courts

Saltash Hall Chepstow Hall Clifton Hall

Zone F

5 6 7

Bishop Complex 8 Bishop Hall 9 Kilmorey Hall 10 Lacy Hall 11 St Margarets Hall

12 Faraday Complex

Lancaster Complex 18 Gordon Hall

Map last updated 04/08/10 To download the latest version visit www.brunel.ac.uk/about/where


Fresher Events

LeNurb | September 2010

14

Monday Ticket Sales Various // Academy // 10am-5pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 11.30am Hangover Hut Free // Quad // 11.30am-12.30pm Golf Club Challenge Free // Quad // 12pm-1pm Netball Shootathon Free // Quad // 12pm-3pm Rowing Ergo Challenge Free // Quad // 12pm-5pm Mini Tennis Free // Quad // 12pm-2pm Popcorn/ Candy Floss Cart Free // Concourse // 12pm PJ Picnic and Tambrunel BBQ Donations // Picnic Area // 12pm Animal Farm Free // Bishops Green // 12pm-3pm Playground Games Free // Bishops Green // 12pm-3pm RAG Treasurer Hunt 50p // Meet at UBS Reception //12pm RAG Krispy Crème Sale Donation to RAG // Quad // 1pm Pimp My Contact Free // Quad // 1pm-3pm Photo Booth Free // Atrium // 1pm-5pm RAG Hook a Duck Donation to RAG // Quad // 2pm-3pm Men’s Football Taster Session Free // Quad // 2pm-4pm Women’s Hockey Obstacle Course Free // Quad // 3pm-6pm Halls BBQ Donation to RAG // Quad // 3pm Christian Union Tea and Cakes Donations // Quad // 3pm-6pm Kids Family Club Screening: Happy Feet Free // LC063 // 4.30pm-6pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 5.30pm Cult Film Screening: Last House on the left Free // LC114 // 6pm-9pm Circus Games Free // Quad // 7pm-9pm

Flirt! Pj Party ADV £3 Door £4 // Academy // 9pm-2am

Tuesday

Rowing Ergo Challenge Free // Quad // 12pm-5pm Christian Union Bungee Run Free // Quad // 12pm-5pm Sci-Fi Screening: Genesis of the Darleks Free // LC005 // 12pm-3pm

Freshers’ Fayre Free // IAC // 10am-5pm

Anime Tea and Cake Sale Donations // Atrium // 12pm

Pottery Session Free // Arts Centre // 10.30am-12.30pm

Trampoling Demonstration and Taster Session Free // Quad // 1pm-3pm

Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 11.30am

Pool Competition £1 Entry // Loco’s // 1pm-3pm

Cadburys Spots V Stripes Free // Bishops Green // 11am-6pm

Ultimate Frisbee Taster Session Free // Cemetery Pitches //1pm-3pm

Rugby League Hawaiian BBQ Donations // Bishops Green // 12pm

Ten Pin Bowling Trip to Airport Bowl £9 // Meet at UBS Reception // 1pm

Pottery Session Free // Arts Centre // 2pm-4pm

Swim/Kayaking/Sailing Slip and Slide Free // Bishops Green // 2pm-4pm

Wii Games Free // Loco’s // 3pm-5pm

Knitting Group Free // Arts Centre // 2pm-3pm

Make your own Halls Mascot/T-Shirt Free // Quad // 4.30pm-6.30pm

Cheerleading Taster Session Free // Exercise Studio // 2pm-4pm

Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 5.30pm

Brunel Dance Taster Session: Learn Salsa Free// Quad // 3pm-4pm

Sci-Fi Screening: Soylent Green Free // LC005 // 5pm-7pm

Halls BBQ Donations to RAG // Quad // 3pm

Cult Film Screening: Logan’s Run Free // LC114 // 6pm-9pm

School of Arts Stage; Live Music Free // Quad // 4pm-10pm

Circus Games Free // Quad // 7pm-9pm

Debating Workshop and Debate Free// LC005 // 4pm-6pm

Comedy Hypnotist £4 // Academy // 7pm-10pm

Film Society Screening: Little Miss Sunshine Free// H001 // 4pm-7pm

Blackout Rave £4 ADV £5 DOOR // Academy // 10pm-2am

Kids Family Club Film Screening: Finding Nemo Free // LC063 // 4.30pm-6pm

Wednesday

Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 5.30pm

Poster Sale Free // Academy // 9am-5pm Gaming Society: LAN Event Free// H004 // 9am-9pm Disability and Dyslexia Service Induction Event Free// Darwin Rooms // 9.30am-11.30am Islamic Society Open Day Free// Isambard Amenities Building // 10am-9pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 11.30am Knitting Group Free // Arts Centre // 11am-12pm Hangover Hut Free // Quad // 11.30am-12.30pm Space Ball Free // Quad // 12pm-4pm

RAG Sack Race Free // Quad // 5pm-6pm Wacky Olympics Free // Quad // 5pm-7pm Freshers’ Speed Meeting Free // Quad // 6pm-8pm Cult Film Screening: Clockwork Orange Free // LC-E // 6pm-9pm Anime Film Screening: Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind Free // LC061 // 6pm-9pm Christian Union Acoustic Night Free// Hub// 7pm – 10.30pm Return to Ibiza Beach Party ADV £3 Door £4 // Academy // 9am-2pm


Thursday Poster Sale Free // Academy // 9am-5pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 11.30am Ski Trip to Hemel Hempstead Meet at UBS Reception // 11.30am

Retro Hula Hooping Disco Free // Quad // 7pm-10pm

Rewind: RnB ADV £3 DOOR £4 // Academy //10pm-2am

Friday Poster Sale Free// Academy // 9am-5pm

RAG Unfair Tug of War Free// Quad // 12pm-1pm

RAG Dodgeball Donations to RAG // Netball Hall // 10am12.30pm

Sci-Fi Screening: TV Favourites Free// LC005 // 12pm-4pm Table Tennis Challenge Free// Atrium //12pm-3pm Men’s Football Host; Unfair Football Free // Quad // 1pm-2pm Athletics Club Fun Races Free // IAC // 1pm-5pm Athletics Host; Pineapple Relay Free // Quad // 2pm-3pm

Dance Club Danceathon Free // Quad // 10am-8pm

Free // LC005 // 6pm-9pm

Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 11.30am

Freshers Quiz sponsored by Endsleigh Insurance Free // Loco’s // 7pm-9pm

Hangover Hut Free // Quad // 11.30am-12.30pm

Fire Show Free // Quad // 8pm-10.30pm

BUMS Slacklining Free // Quad // 12pm-4pm

Live Music in the Hub Free // Hub // 9pm-12pm

Volleyball Cake Stall Donations // Sports Centre// 12pm-4pm

Global ADV £4 DOOR £5 // Academy // 9pm-2am

Ball Pit Free // Quad // 12pm-5pm

Halls of the Year Awards Free // Loco’s // 10.30pm

Make Your Own… Free// Arts Centre // 2pm-4pm Free // Quad // 12pm-5pm Fencing Taster Session Free // Exercise Studio // 2pm-5pm Women’s Rugby Union Host; Banana Rugby Free // Quad // 3pm-4pm Brunel Dance Taster Session: Learn Hip Hop Free// Quad // 3pm-4pm Polish BBQ Donations // Quad // 3pm Wii Games Free // Loco’s // 3pm-5pm Kids Circus Party Free // Isambard Amenities Building // 4pm-6pm Hellenic Society: Breaking the Ice Free // LC011 // 4pm-7pm African Drummers Workshop Free // Quad // 4pm-8pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 5.30pm Cult Film Screening: Planet Terror Free // LC005 // 6pm-9pm Make Your Own Cocktail Free //Academy // 6pm-9.30pm ACS Homecoming £5 //H001 // 6pm-10pm Christian Union text a Toastie Free // Text: 07821402349 // 6pm-9pm

LeNurb | September 2010

15 ef ul se Pu cti llo on ut

Silent Disco Free // Loco’s // 9pm-2am

Fair-trade Market Free// Quad// 12pm-5pm

ACS BBQ Donations // Bishops Green // 12pm

Us

Nokia Velcro Wall Free // Bishops Green // 12pm-5pm RAG BBQ Donations to RAG // Quad // 1pm-5pm Men’s Cricket Coconut Shy Free // Quad // 1pm-5pm Ultimate Frisbee Double Disk Tournament Free // Quad // 1pm-2pm Women’s Basketball Shootout Free // Quad // 2pm-3pm Film Making Fancy Film Festival Free // LC011 // 2pm-5pm Film Society Screening: Grand Tornio Free // H001 // 2pm-5pm RAG Duck Race Donations to RAG // River Pinn // 3pm-3.30pm Economics and Finance Society Ice Breaker Free // LC005 // 3pm-4pm Cheerleading Performance Free // Quad // 3pm-5pm Kids Family Club Film Screening: Toy Story Free // LC063 // 4.30pm-6pm Off Campus Freshers Meet and Greet Atrium// 5pm Cult Film and Si-Fi Screening: The Rocky Horror Show

Saturday Men’s Rugby Union Help the Heroes Free // Site 5 //10am-5pm Netball Rounders Tournament Free // Cemetery Pitches // 12pm-4pm Kids Disco Free // Academy // 2pm-5pm Outdoor Film Screening: Big Font Large Spacing Free // Quad // 7pm-9pm Rehab Launch Party £2 ADV £3 DOOR // Academy // 10pm-2am

Sunday Ultimate Frisbee Taster Session Free // Cemetery Pitches //1pm-3pm Chill out lounge Free// Academy// 8 - Late


LeNurb | September 2010

16


LeNurb | September 2010

Arts and Reviews 17

Arts and Reviews Shomari Anderson Flim

Sarah Tawfiq Musical

SALT

Wicked

Runtime: 1 hr. 31 min. Cert 12A Rating: Starring: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber, August Diehl Director: Philip Royce

So, you regularly take public transport and you like to plug in your headphones, turn the music up full volume and drift off into whatever land your music takes you. But this week, that’s not happening for you because everywhere you turn, posters plastered to buses, bus stops and train platform walls keep asking you the same nagging question, ‘Who is Salt?’ Well, I’ll tell you who it’s not. It’s not Mission: Impossible star Tom Cruise like originally intended, he passed the salt to Tomb Raider herself in this Bond/Bourne Trilogy Blonde-haired Evelyn Salt

come the sophisticated work heels and enough for leaping across the tops

to use to cover a security camera. Noyce keeps the pace moving, especially with Jolie setting off explosions at will and the mystery as to her true identity. Jolie’s performance in general is impressive enough, even when she is playing the role of a person who looks like they have been on the receiving end of one of Mohammed Ali’s punches, as seen in the early torture scenes. She brings the same sexy attitude to Salt as she did in Wanted, making her the most kick-ass A-List actress of her generation, just

happy life and is winding up another day to go home to her husband Mike, a world-class expert on spiders (so world-class in fact, he wrote a book about them: the title was, lacks some suspense and is predictable ‘Spiders’.) Then all the action starts when a Russian informer named possibility for a sequel and all Salt Orlov (Daniel Olbrychski) walks does is continue running. It is, quite simply, one big rabbit chase followed Jolie, claiming she’s really a Russian by explosion after explosion.

humour, catchy tunes and goose bump-inducing solo’s from the two superb leads Louise Dearman (Glinda) and Rachel Tucker (Elphaba). A youthful and lively chorus line keeps audiences worked up, and popular numbers such as ‘Defying Gravity’, No One Mourns the Wicked’ and Elphaba’s ‘I’m Not That Girl’ will leave you humming all the way out. The costumes and sets and Based on the book Wicked by are nothing short of extravagant, Gregory Maguire, the story is the prequel to The Wizard of Oz, and along the lines of a John Galliano tells the tales of the pre-Dorothy couture show), and with its Cirque days of the Glinda the Good Witch du Soleil-like production, it and her alleged archenemy Elphaba, glides the audience from scene to better known as the Wicked Witch scene in an effortless yet slightly of the West. rattling pace. Thrown into the same school For those apprehensively as young women, the two vivacious expecting a massacre and injustice women strike up an unlikely rivalries in romance and reputation, during a period of increasing political and social volatility. An era where the colour of your skin stains you as a pariah, where malicious propaganda dictated to the ignorant masses and where diversity is dispirited, quashed and shushed (particularly if you happen to be a farm animal!). Wicked reveled in taking the occasional satirical jab at political leaders, ‘Think of

Brunel Tea Society Fun Fact No. 41:

Whenever any school in Brunel has an open day there is always free tea and biscuits All we are saying is that they rarely check who is meant to be at these events

celebrated heads of state, did they have brains or knowledge? No they were just popular!’, but at the same time addressing social issues such as self-identity, beauty and morality whilst reining in any preaching to a minimum. Instead, it allows the audiences to take away what they choose from it. Political satire aside, the

Join us every fortnight on Wednesdays, 5-7pm Isambard Ground Floor Common Room First meeting

29/09/2010

The best place to enjoy a good teabag

there being plenty of furtive references to Dorothy, Toto, the yellow brick road and ruby shoes (which, admittedly, can only make sense if you have seen or read the “Wizard of Oz”) I skipped home (well, took the tube home) in my ruby slippers with all my childhood reminiscences of The Wizard of Oz in one piece.


LeNurb | September 2010

18 Features Paul Dunn Music

Disturbed - Asylum

From the Archives – complete with the typos of 30 years ago!

KINKS COME (from issue 25-1-79)

£1.80 Advance £2.20 on the Door The Kinks – now Mick Avory (Drums), Dave Davies (lead guitar, vocals), Ray Davies (vocals, guitar, keyboards) and newest members Jim Rodford (bass) and Gordon Edwards (keyboards) who joined after John Gosling and Andy Pyle left the group following growing, and yet never stray far from the brilliant, eccentric sensibility responsible for so many truly excellent records as ‘Lola’, ‘Dedicated follower of Fashion’ and ‘Waterloo Sunset’, to name but a few.

Short version: Disturbed spend an hour shouting about how the oil companies hate strawberries, the Nazis were very bad, werewolves are awesome, and how great it would be if criminals were presumed guilty … AND IT’S AWESOME! Disturbed have always been pretty damn good at creating heavy, angry music with zero subtlety, but with Asylum, their latest release, they have truly created a monster. From the ominous beginnings of ‘Remnants’ to their triumphant conclusion with a cover of U2’s ‘I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For’ (no, I have no idea either) there isn’t a single weak track to be found; I get the feeling that any of these songs could be released as a single and no one would object. John Moyer and Mike Wengren (bass guitar & drums respectively) have come to form an extremely tight rhythm section, and perfectly complement vocalist David Draiman’s distinctive style, where he seems to use his voice as a percussive instrument. Dan Donegan’s guitar parts dominate the mix, and he remains on top form with his riffs, but I was a little disappointed with his songs as well as they usually do. Lyrically and thematically, Asylum is more than a little confusing at points; while I don’t doubt their sincerity, the video for ‘Another Way to Die’ left me chuckling at the

sheer hammy over-the-top vision of a future where clean water is banned and eating a strawberry is a capital offence, all due to the control of the oil companies. How would such a penultimate track, ‘Innocence’, which seems to be angry with every single person in the world, but especially defence lawyers and you (yes, YOU) for perpetuating the gross injustice that is the … um, presumption of innocence? You know, one of our most basic legal rights!? Seriously, Disturbed, what the fuck?!? Screw it, who cares, it’s all about the music, and the musical highlight of the album is bonus track ‘Leave It Alone’, with its memorable chorus and heavy riffs. Other tracks title track ‘Asylum’, the holocaust inspired rage of ‘Never Again’ and the deeply personal ‘My Child’. If you like hard rock and metal, I highly recommend this album; just don’t listen too closely to the lyrics. Oh, and there’s a song about werewolves... Overall Feel: 9/10 Technical Musicianship: 7/10 Reviewer Bias: 7/10 Political Awareness: -4/10 Final Verdict: 8/10

and the calm of the past when the young were concerned with building a brave new future. But their young were concerned with building a brave new future. But their longevity is no accident (only the Who, of their 1964 competitor colleagues, have been more stable). Quality lasts. Individuality lasts. They stay around by staying new, proud of their achievements, determined to match or surpass them. WOTS ON This Friday’s Soul Disco has had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Add ‘The Ruts’ and Support for Friday turn of the decade, and Davies’ songs 2nd Feb. simultaneously became subtler and Ian Gillan Band have to use the from public favour; they never acted parlance ‘blown us out’. In fact their much like rock stars, and so people agency double booked them, therefore tended to forget how special they are; delete and write ‘to be arranged’. Be their unwillingness to be typecast assured something will be. sometimes led to their not being cast at all; they extolled working class Add ‘Incubus Theatre Group’ for tradition, music hass entertainment March 17th.


LeNurb | September 2010

Arts and Reviews 19

INVISIBLE by Kat Muhly

Sleeping past her alarm, Bella found that her comfy morning routine was already rushed. She was running ten minutes late for her lecture, which meant that instead of putting on makeup and trying on clothes in front of her mirror, she’d thrown skipped breakfast, as always, but the part of her mind that usually nagged her about this was quiet today. That – just her student ID – so she left without locking up. She was out of her hall at 9:15. She didn’t see anybody on her way out, since most people were already at lectures, and she realized she could probably run across campus to make up for lost time. For an October morning, the air was actually warm, and the sunlight on her face felt nice as she passed a block of large, concrete buildings, and then rows of brick accommodation. Around the lecture centre, a group of engineering students was talking over coffee. Bella slowed down to a walk here so she didn’t look so rushed, but their conversation about hypotenuse triangles didn’t interest her. She the grassy quad opposite, and that was when she noticed the girl sitting on a bench, sleeping soundly in a sweatshirt. Bella stopped, sensing that something about this was somehow wrong. She didn’t care if she was late for her lecture anymore – she’d probably already missed half of it. As she walked closer to the girl, though, she began to feel uneasy.

It was 9:25 in the morning, an unusual time to be sleeping, but there was still something else that was strange. When she was only a few feet away, she could see the girl clearly, and for a moment she stood there in confusion. She recognized the pretty, dark brunette hair and pale face far too well. Before she could stop herself, she was screaming. The sound was louder than the babble of conversations around her, echoing around the quad, but nobody really seemed to hear her. Another

Maybe they hadn’t. For a full minute, she stared at the Bella on the bench. She hadn’t reacted either, hadn’t woken up or even stirred. Taking another step forward, Bella lifted her hand to shake the other girl – her clone? a long-lost twin? – awake politely. The second she touched bench Bella’s hand, she felt an icy coldness that made her jump back, gasping. “Oh, god,” Bella whimpered. The girl wasn’t sleeping. She was dead. Bella numbly reached towards the girl’s backpack, where she saw the bright blue of a student lanyard. The key on it still said VISITOR PASS, with no name. Bella would’ve screamed again, but she doubted anybody was listening. knew she could go to the lecture centre, the closest building behind her. But as she approached, the automatic doors wouldn’t open for her. For the second time in the felt that she wasn’t really there. Shaking, she sat down on the cold

Style to try... Claudia Bradford Mixed Media What goes on a canvas doesn’t have to be restricted to traditional paint - this piece was made using more unorthodox media, including sugar strands, cocoa, chocolate and paprika. Whether you choose to go for something more realistic or a playful, Pollock-esque effect, I highly recommend giving it a go. There’s something oddly satisfying about drizzling a bar of Cadbury’s over a clean, white canvas and the different textures you can get are fantastic. Note: metal, fabric and plastic are also great materials to use for a mixed media piece, but if you’re working with food be sure to give the finished thing a good spray with some matte or gloss varnish to protect and preserve it!

student to enter so she could follow. A few minutes later, a blonde boy carrying a load of books passed by, paying her no attention. She took her opportunity to get into the building. There were no security guards in sight, so she made a beeline for the bathroom instead; somewhere to calm her shaky nerves. “Have you heard,” a redheaded girl was saying as Bella opened the door, “a girl’s been found dead in the quad? They say her name’s Bella.” Bella felt her lips pop open, and she shivered. What a strange coincidence. “I heard she was studying creative writing,” the second girl replied. Bella pushed past them, heading towards the mirror. Determined not to listen to them any longer, she stared into the sink basin and splashed some water onto her face. The action, instead of calming her, made her feel ridiculous. She glanced up at the mirror, but instead of seeing her dripping face, she was staring at the bland, tiled wall behind her. She clutched the edge of the sink, unwilling to believe that she was invisible. She had to have a Unless she was a ghost. Bench Bella hadn’t been her twin. That had been her body she’d walked up to, and probably even had the hall keys she’d been looking for a few minutes ago. She felt her breathing slow slightly while she thought back. She hadn’t seen any blood by her body – she hadn’t died violently, she reasoned – and a part of her was still around. Even if she was invisible, she was still here. minutes, she sat on the bathroom counter and marvelled at how quickly word travelled around the

campus. It seemed like everybody was beginning to talk about the girl who’d been found dead in the quad. She began to worry how her family would react when they heard. A part of her mind said that she could easily write an email asking them not to worry, saying that she was still okay, but she realised that this would cause more problems than it solved. Bella realised – holding her breath for three straight minutes – how much she’d taken for granted. Life really meant more when she didn’t have it. She suddenly had a list of all the seemingly inconsequential tasks she should have done in the past week: spending an extra minute talking to her new friends, had gone off in her hall because of burnt toast... When the bathroom emptied out, she decided it was time to return to the quad and see what exactly was happening out there to her counterpart on the bench. Getting past the automatic doors easily using the EXIT button, she already felt strangely distant from the body, as though it wasn’t a part of her anymore. Well, she, thought. Technically, it isn’t. The police had already gotten to the scene and roped off the area so casual passers-by couldn’t get too close. There was still a crowd of people around, obviously concerned judging by their rate of conversation, but two boys in particular caught her attention. One, with raven hair, was standing with a group of friends and laughing. She felt her skin tingle seeing him, but not in a pleasant way. The other was absolutely breathtaking, looked like a blonde angel standing in the middle of the crowd, but nobody seemed to see him, either. To be continued …


LeNurb | September 2010

20 Arts and Reviews

Professional profile Chris Ofili Claudia Bradford Age: 41 Field: Painting Training: Chelsea School of Art Awards: 1998 Turner Prize USP: Poo Main inspirations: Nigerian comic book heroes

crap. That’s not just me being incredibly self opinionated; on of elephant dung - sometimes smeared liberally across the canvas, at other times tactically placed as glittery, varnished balls of the stuff - is part of what makes his work so distinctive. Established in the 90s through his exhibitions at the Saatchi Gallery, comically exaggerated Blossom 1997 (below), to question racial

stereotypes. However, he does so in a humorous manner - using vivid, contrasting colours and OTT caricatures to get his point across light-heartedly. While his work has not been without controversy (his depiction of The Virgin Mary surrounded by seraphic vaginas cut straight from porno mags has managed to become the centre of a scandalous lawsuit between the mayor of New York City and the Brooklyn Museum of Art) and is a bit of an acquired taste, it carries a refreshingly simple message and is, in terms of meaning and choice of painting materials, is about as down to earth as it gets.

ADVERTISING Le Nurb welcomes adverts from external companies. By placing your ad with us you’re instantly reaching out to 16,000 students. Can you afford to let the largest Uxbridge demographic pass you by? editor@lenurb.com


LeNurb | September 2010

Arts and Reviews 21

Secret Shops

Vintage items, hot new design, bric-a-brac: brilliant bargains from stores you never even knew existed- London’s consumer passion.

Boutiques Mrs Jones

Stylist and designer Fee Doran is better known by her alter-ego (and fashion label) Mrs Jones, dressing the likes of The Scissors Sisters, Florence And The Machine, Cheryl Cole and Paloma Faith. Her private studio in Farringdon is something of a legendary hangout for musician and fashion insiders (as well as up –and-coming fashion journalist such as yours truly), but once per season Doran opens her doors to you– London’s most discerning shoppers. Look out for Doran’s own collection, ‘Backstage’ as well as a jumble of other labels, furniture, prints and books, jewellery and knickknacks. 71 St John St, EC1< 4NJ www.mrsj.co.uk

man out of boutique shopping (so last season) and heading straight to the pop-ups. The nomadic gang of gorgeous independent designers- from Bat For Lashes and Florence Welch favourite, Mine, to Nicola de Main and Cecilia Hammamborg- will be appearing in both Covent Garden and glamorous Clapham this past summer, you just need to know who to ask.

Larache

Photographer Hassan Hajjaj’s Shoreditch boutique is a riot of colour- a tiny outpost of Marrakech hidden on sleepy Calvert Avenue. His recycled furniture, cushions, pouffes and T-shirts are a side project to his rather successful day job- Hajjaj’s photography was part of ‘The Other Britain Revisited’ exhibition at the V&A, and his ‘Kesh Angels’ exhibition (a portrait of a female biker gang in Marrakech) is currently on at Rose Issa Projects in Kensington. 30-32 Calvert Avenue, E2 7JP www.hassanhajjaj.blogspot.com

Keiran Carter

Vintage Supermarket Sarah

For the hippest thing in window dressing, check out Supermarket Sarah’s temporary walls. Selfridges and the YNC gallery have already had Sarah’s hands on their displays, but it’s her own living room walls where the real magic happens. The freshest design talent London has to offer (including a Morrisons shopping bags) is shown and Sarah herself will welcome you in with a cup of tea and some cake. At an undisclosed location, and by appointment only, this is cutting-edge shopping on the sly!

Pop Boutique

More incognito than your average pop-up, this small boutique is the brainchild of fashion PR company Cube. Whispering among bloggers and fashion editors as the place to spot upand-coming names in British menswear, the tiny shop quietly revamps itself up to ten times a year to showcase a new brand. Uber hip brand Universal Works debuted here, and later this year expect Private White VC. 47 Lamb’s Conduit St, WC1N 3NG www.cubecompany.com

Swanfield

They won’t tell you about it, but half the fashion editors in London get some of their most striking clothes

hip and trendy whilst wearing original on-off pieces was never so affordable. 6 Monmouth St. Covent Garden London WC2 www.pop-boutique.com

Rokit

Rokit is fast-becoming one of the vintage pieces that have been lost to the decades. With four stores throughout the city- Covent Garden, Camden High Street, and two in Brick Laneit offers up your basic, staple pieces such as a Levi’s denim jacket and authentic military coats, to their own label of bags, accessories and T-Shirts. Each store however offers a different experience. The Covent Garden store with it’s bright, open-plan layout with everything organised for a smoother shopping experience. The Camden branch however is for the more adventurous shopper that doesn’t mind spending an hour searching through

Tucked away from the main parade in Covent Garden, Pop Boutique is the affordable alternative to premium vintage wear. Catering for both men and women, as well as quirky homeware spontaneously placed throughout the shop, this slice of vintage heaven sells recycled garbs from the 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s, as well as their own capsule collection ‘POP Label. With prices as

Cube

Started by an obsessive eBayer seven years ago, Shock and Soul has popped up at fairs and markets, taken over Islington’s Merchants Hall and is now due to open its own permenant store on Camden Passage. But for the crème of the stock, call for an appointment at the secret Dalston studio (preferably the second loans hit and you don’t mind living off of tinned soup until the next instalment. Nobody said looking good was cheap people.) 100 Islington High St, N1 8EG/ www. shockandsoul.co.uk

one-of-a-kind piece that you won’t see on anyone else in the city. www.rokit.co.uk

Hornets

A favourite with discerning menswear bloggers, Steve Salter’s tiny Kensington shop is tucked away behind St Mary Abbot’s church and sells impeccable second-hand menswear. Think Saville Row suits in excellent nick and lots of tweed, alongside contemporary designer labels and an impressive range of accessories and hats by Christy including classic top hats, bowlers and trilbies. Should be one on every dapper gent’s hitlist. 2-4 Kensington Church Walk, W8 4NB/ www.hornetskensington.co.uk

Shock and Soul

Even if you’ve already heard the wordof-mouth buzz about this impressive French vintage clothing business


LeNurb | September 2010

22 Coffee Break

Coffee Break Cookery Corner

Pasta Carbonara Serves 1 Preparation Time: 10 mins Cooking Time: 10 mins Cost: ~ £1.19 ea

Ingredients

75 grams Pasta (whichever you’ve got, it doesn’t matter) ~ 12p 100 grams Pancetta cubed (bacon will be fine if you haven’t got pancetta, chorizo also works really well) ~ 25p 1 egg (free range) ~ 25p 25 grams Parmesan grated ~ 37p Small bunch of parsley finely chopped (optional) ~ 20p

Method

1: In a dry frying pan, add the pancetta and fry over a medium heat until golden and the fat has crisped up. 2: While the pancetta is cooking put the pasta in a pan and cover with boiling water, cook until ‘al dente’. (“firm but not hard” – steady now! Ed.) 3: With everything cooking, crack the egg into a bowl and lightly beat with a fork, add the cheese and the parsley (if using it). 4: Once the pasta is cooked to your liking, drain and put back into the pan but off the heat, add the egg and cheese mixture to the pasta and stir well, next add the pancetta. Don’t worry about putting anything back on the heat, the heat of the pasta and the pan WILL cook the egg so long as you add it as quickly as possible! (if you take longer than a couple of minutes to add the egg, turn the gas back on so you don’t give yourself salmonella – Ed.)

stu_spivak via Flickr

Average Su-Doku

Evil Su-Doku


LeNurb | September 2010

Coffee Break 23

Horoscopes Aries (21 March-20 April) Anyone eating ill-matched muffins is possibly ill at ease mentally. Be warned.

Libra (22 September-22 October) You had a rough time of it and you may have been feeling a little crap, but now you will find yourself on top form. You can become an expert at anything if you put enough energy into it.

Taurus (21 April-21 May) Abandon all hope. You’re going to die. Painfully. And soon. It’ll involve a Citroen Saxo and a black dog that nobody else saw. Blame the Moon or something.

Scorpio (23 October-21 November) There will be nothing artificial about the next few weeks of your life. Don’t let the bastards get up your nose. There ain’t no shame in being proud and big-headed. You deserve it all.

Gemini (22 May-21 June) You’re as exciting as a dried cat turd. Drink more. Eat more. Fart less. Then you’ll have some friends and a social life.

Sagittarius (22 November-21 December) Ever visualised a beach, golden sand, palm trees, clear water, cocktails, endless sex and surfing? This will all be yours. Go forth and enjoy.

Cancer (22 June-22 July) Get your fat arse off that sofa and stop being a miserable bugger. The world ain’t going to come to you – you’re gonna have to make it happen.

Capricorn (22 December-20 January) You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard.

Leo (23 July-22 August) The conjunction of the celestial spheres makes it unadviable for you to venture out into the wider world. Ever. This is a ten year horoscope.

Aquarius (21 January-19 February) If you’re up late at night doing nothing but writing, then you’re a sad bastard. Go to bed. And have a drink. Do those things in reverse order.

Virgo (23 August-21 September) Everyone is spreading excellent rumours about you. They are saying that you are sleeping with real dogs and that you have been putting it about quite a bit. Tut tut.

Pisces (20 February-20 March) Love is irrational. Irrationality is insanity. You’re mad and everyone will avoid you because you listen to the Go Compare advert over and over again. But don’t worry, that’s an entirely sane thing to do.

A long time ago we had a practical mechanical course. The students were taught how to disassemble and assemble minis.

It just so happen there was a particularly nasty professor the students didn’t like who drove a mini.

The students took the professors car to pieces and rebuilt it bolt for bolt on the top of the lecture centre

It took a crane a few years later to take it down

Overheard Stories By Vic Jeg


LeNurb | September 2010

24 Sport

Review of end of year club Starting your own Club activities: Brunel Tenpin or Society Miriam Munford Whilst some club members finished their exams others went bowling, yet everyone met up for the end-of-term pub bowling. Downing a drink in one scored a strike and many were aiming for the perfection of a 300 game. The realisation of this objective proved as elusive as usual but it’s an easy (and fun) way to improve your personal best score! After a weekend recovering a trip to Thorpe Park was in order.

Unfortunately it was the ‘teacups’ that proved too much for one bowler but everyone enjoyed the day, even those who had been a little dubious about it, and went home to get ready for the end-ofyear meal. The Malt Shovel always provides good food and it was an excellent opportunity to say goodbye to those graduating this year, hand out league prizes and recognise the achievements of individuals. All in all, a good conclusion to a year of fun within Brunel Tenpin... bring on 2010-11

Gaz Corfield So you’ve come to Brunel, you’ve been to the bars, drunk lots, met lots of new drinking buddies, maybe you’ve even met some of the opposite sex. Perhaps you’re them (I live in a house full of women – fellas, it’s massively overrated, it’s not so much American Pie as American Psycho here) so you need to get away from it all and meet some new people. people who think like you? Surely there’s someone else out there who shares your passion for motorised chariot racing, campanology or competitive duck herding? You’ve scanned through the clubs and societies list but nothing on offer really takes your fancy … Easiest solution, start your you think, and there’s not much paperwork involved either. First people willing to be your founder members: you must have at least 20. Once you’ve got a group together, go and have a chat with the Student Activities people at UBS. If you at UBS reception in the Hamilton Centre. Student Activities will give you a Club/Society Startup Pack. At this point you want to be thinking about key committee positions (chairman, treasurer, secretary,

All rights reserved by ihpics via Flickr

social sec. etc) and your society’s Aims and Objectives. Once you’ve you’ll be given a Trial Period of three months. This is where you organise events and socials for your members and attract new people to come join you; basically, you’re on probation to see whether your club can survive. You do receive a budget of £20 for advertising that wisely. You’ll also have to come up with a constitution, and if you’re a sports club, a code of conduct/rules as well. This shouldn’t be too hard if your sport has a national governing body; if you’re a society, just some simple stuff about what’s cool and up, give them to Student Activities within the three month trial period and congratulations! You’ve just club! Yes, it’s really as easy as that. I’ve been through the procedure myself (as vice chairman of the Target Shooting Club … enough shameless plugging) and it’s not hard at all. Get enough likeminded people together, do stuff, and you’ve pretty much got a club there. If you’ve ever got a problem, pop into Student Activities and have a chat with them in there – they’re busy people but they’ve always got time for you and I, the students: without us the place is nothing.

From the Archives: Brunel Football (1979 ish) Ealing Tech Brunel 1st XI

0 8

With only one match this week Brunel put out a strong team in the Seetech league and had a comfortable victory over Ealing Tech. Brian Cooper who was disappointed because he did not get a mention the week before (he thought he had a good game!) had to referee this week and did penalty after only three minutes. With such a great start Brunel never looked in danger. To show how easy it was Scott Ingrams scored another goal (I

know it’s hard to believe) to double his total for the season. Watch out Bob Latchford! Goalscorers: Dave Poskett 3, Richie Grimston (who did not get a hatrick [sic]) 2, Steve Earnshaw 2, Scott Ingrams 1. Brunel 1st XI Dickheads

2 3

This week Brunel had an uphill struggle because those two wellknown “superstars” Paul Gaynor and Kev Woodhouse were still slightly pissed from the night before to the extent that Woodhouse didn’t know which end we were

to their centre forward for their equaliser! Brunel played well in scoring twice, but in the second half we tried to talk the ball into the net and surprisingly we never quite managed it. We defended resolutely and held out until with two minutes to go, a through ball evaded Scott “Beckenbauer” Ingrams’ head and their centre-forward made it 3-2. However, all is not lost. We have the pleasure of meeting the opposition again in two weeks’ time and we’re already sharpening up our studs!


LeNurb | September 2010

Advert 25

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SALAD UPGRADE

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Enjoy a medium size salad for the price of a small salad

TO DOWNLOAD EXTRA VOUCHERS AND FOR FUTURE OFFERS VISIT http://intranet.brunel.ac.uk/catering

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Buy regular hot drink + sandwich or panini + packet of crisps for just £4.95 Offer available only in Café Rococo and subject to availability. Offer ends 30/09/10.

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£1.50 OFF COMBO

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LeNurb | September 2010

26

Work In Progress Gaz Corfield The entire paper was put together by the Editor and the Chief Designer over six days. This started when the newly-appointed Editor was wandering around the SU and found the Chief Engineer of the radio station (http://www.brunelradio. co.uk) doing radio-type things negotiation, the Editor secured a

computer

and

a

telephone,

some writers to produce copy. Meanwhile, the Chief Designer started coming up with some tentative ideas, whilst the Editor frantically called and texted writers to get some usable copy. The Editor is eternally grateful to the Chief Designer for effectively building the paper from scratch (as part of the whole rebranding/ relaunching/”OMG let’s be different” scheme that the Editor came up with) on his own with no design help whatsoever. Except the Editor’s insistent tweaking of stuff.

God alone knows how we’re going to get issue 2 out. Having put the paper together (working from 4pm till 3am every day – freshers, this is a typical student’s working day, just so’s you know), we then tried printing a proof copy. This was surprisingly hard: 1. The John Crank printers don’t have A3 paper. Computer Centre, all your posters are full of lies, you bastards. 2. The Library shuts at 5pm, ‘cos it’s technically still the holidays, so we couldn’t get at the printers in there. 3. The Chief Designer could get at Tower A’s printers but not the computers, and could get at Tower C’s computers but not the printers. After running around like Usain Bolt on bad LSD, he managed to break the printer in Tower A. 4. Meanwhile the Editor playing Pantera EPs on full volume. Ever tried playing Five Minutes Alone (a 45rpm vinyl) at 33.3rpm? You don’t notice the difference. The Chief Designer, empty-

the Editor asleep over the editorial desk. At this point we said “sod it” and ordered more beer and takeaway. I’d like to mention the various beer brands and the takeaway company who kept us alive, but unfortunately

the advertising people won’t let me mention Yumchi, the Wychwood Brewery (Hobgoblin), Marston’s Brewery (Pedigree), the Morland Brewery (Old Speckled Hen), Newcastle Brown, Smirnoff, Sailor Jerry’s or Kopparberg. So I won’t.


LeNurb | September 2010

Sport 27

SUCCESS FOR BRUNEL CRICKET Adil Khan Deshmukh Brunel Cricket’s aim in 2009-10 was to build on the unbeaten 2009 season which included Division 3A and BUCS Knockout Cup titles. Our 2010 season started off with the Indoor Cricket season, with the team being entered into the SESSA Indoor Cup and the BUCS took the SESSA indoor cup by storm, comfortably winning the tournament. The much sterner test in the indoor season was the BUCS Indoor Cup. brushing aside the University of Hertfordshire and the University of Surrey, cementing Brunel Cricket’s unbeaten run of 15 matches. These to the National Semi-Finals which took place at the indoor school of

Ben Vallely Blackpool. Premier League? You’re having a laugh right?! At the end of last season, a boy from Blackpool who’s supported Manchester United his whole life despite having a predominantly City supporting family (*woo rebellion!!*) sat at Twickenham watching the day. He sat in a tangerine coloured shirt (not orange!) in homage to Blackpool Football Club, bought in Uxbridge’s Balcony Shirts that read “Blackpool – Meeting Bathing Water Quality Regulations Since 2000”. Funny shirt...but he wasn’t smiling. He was missing the most lucrative game of football because the Football Association and/or the Football League had decided not to carry on with the tradition of having the Championship at the end of May. This meant that it clashed with his lovely weekend at the Rugby down at Twickers...he was in the wrong stadium on that Saturday... By 5pm he was smiling though (God Bless mobile internet and live text from the BBC...) Blackpool were Championship Play-

the SWALEC Stadium in Cardiff. In brushed aside Royal Holloway, leading to a decider for a place in Opponents Southampton Solent proved to be very tough opposition progress by the team in its inaugural indoor season was something to be proud of as the team had won one progress by getting to the semiAfter Easter the outdoor season started, with the 1st XI competing in Division 2A and the 2nd XI competing in Division 3A. The 1st XI built on promotion from 3A, by of asking. Wins against Imperial College 1st XI, University of Sussex 1st XI and Reading 2nd XI as well as a rare tie against Portsmouth 2nd XI were enough to secure a

second successive promotion and gave the team momentum for the subsequent cup competition. The last year by coming second in 3A, missing out on promotion by just one win. The 1st XI received a bye in the dramatic fashion, winning by just 5 runs against Brighton 3rd XI. The with the 1st XI being victorious and progressing to the Semi-Finals against Brighton 2nd XI. Brunel

washed aside Brighton winning place for the second consecutive year. The Final took place on June 9th against UWIC (LSC) and it was a resounding victory with the opposition bowled out for a measly 132 runs and the runs knocked off easily. The 2010 season was a highly successful one for Brunel Cricket with a second successive league and cup double. Brunel Men’s Cricket is on the rise and we hope to see you this year.

TANGERINE ARMY!!!

off Champions, a spot in the Premier League and an estimated £90million awaited the boys in Tangerine. Blackpool are the 44th team to play in the Premier League since 1992, and arguably are the smallest and many think Blackpool will go back down, including most of the supporters who have the view that they’ve come up, get to see the likes of Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and City, Liverpool et al play at down and have fun in doing so. The picture come the end of be different to expectations however ... Fixture number one was a rearranged

So down the M55 Blackpool trundled simply to have a bit of fun. They emerged 4-0 winners. This Premier League malarkey doesn’t seem too bad so far does it lads? Following the game, before Chelsea’s late kickoff, Blackpool sat high on top of the Premier League table. Manager Ian Holloway, who’s always good for a sound-bite, remarked “I’m going to

take a photo of the table and retire”. Who could have blamed him if he had! Next came a trip to London for a match against Arsenal... which didn’t disappoint for goals either...for the home team. Blackpool got predictably thrashed by Wenger’s lads 6-0. A negative goal difference already... hmmm. Still I suppose this is all part and parcel of being a newly promoted team right?

set of Londoners. As a referee myself, I was not impressed when I caught the highlights that evening. Almost shop shut at half past three during the match. I only wanted a shirt to commemorate what could be Blackpool’s only season in the Premier League for a while! (Apparently all their expected punters were inside so there was no point staying open). I digress. Blackpool were robbed against Fulham. Absolutely robbed. A clear foul in the build up to Fulham’s decisions by the Assistant Referees left Blackpool with a still very credible 2-2

draw and a point rather than 3. So, 4 points from a maximum of 9... every Tangerine would have bitten your hand off if you’d offered them that before the start of the season! Then came Matchday 4, an away game against fellow-promotees Newcastle United who ran away with the Championship last season with performances that included a 4-1 thrashing of Blackpool at St. James Park... not this year. Blackpool won the Premier League encounter at the Park 2-0 and, at the time of writing, are FOURTH in the Premier League table with 7 points, behind Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United. A common chant may usually be “Premier League – You’re having a laugh!”, but at the moment, the goodhumoured Tangerine Army could be forgiven for jesting with the likes of Liverpool, Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur... “Champions League – You’re having a laugh!”. The best bit of it all being, regardless where Blackpool end up in the table, the supporters are going to be doing just that all season – having a laugh. Good luck to them!


LeNurb | September 2010

28

Sport

Joel Brasher Jones Vice President Student Activities

Liam Reynolds Today I spoke with Joel Brasher Jones, 23, Vice President Student Activities, aka ‘Greenwood’. Upon meeting him I was instantly met with his almost overwhelming passion for sports, societies and the students of Brunel as a whole. He has watched the university building site to the functioning campus you see today. He further encourages the use of the Contacts around the campus remarking “The contacts were amazing, they helped me move all of my stuff in and got me to introduce myself and come out of my shell. When I asked friends at other unis if they had received the same treatment, they had not.” This is one of Joel’s biggest goals at the university: developing and strengthening the sense of unity we have. From Joel’s experience at the university, from a nervous fresher to a tall and proud graduate, he explains that the “sense of community at Brunel is fantastic” with a multitude of different As the years progressed however, Joel wants more. One of his aspirations this year is being operated throughout the whole of January in which thirty activities will be held throughout the month in attempts to get students “trying new things, meeting new people and just having fun.” I would

personally recommend you watch out for the information that should hopefully be posted around campus in the up coming months. Having interacted with Joel’s enthusiasm I can say that I will also be looking forward to going down and giving it a go myself.

Another project that the vice president is looking into is getting all of the sports teams kits made by the same people, same colours and sponsors; giving the teams “an even better sense of identity.” A document which Joel has been working on has been settled between the University and the Union: “What it means is that if there are a certain amount of agreed football pitches, rugby pitches and so on, the university will not be able to dispose of them and replace them with, say, car

Students Turned On by Switching Off

parks.” By keeping the sports facilities the way they are, Joel hopes to keep One of his main inspirations for sports was his friend’s grandfather, former Welsh national rugby player Cliff Morgan, who introduced a young

and budding Joel to the game of rugby. “He came and watched all of our games, and for a man of seventy at the time it was very inspiring to receive such encouragement.” Another inspiration that he fondly remembers was the Lions Tour of 1997, in which the British Lions rugby team (composed of players from the Home Nations) challenged the then World Cup champions, South Africa. Joel’s enthusiasm and passion for what he

this as he himself looked to encourage his team mates. In his own words: “Take inspiration from your team mates and inspire them to be 100% committed.” When asked about his time on the rugby team Greenwood has only positive and fond memories “It was amazing, great friends and thinking outside of yourself. Also just belonging somewhere.” As all people at university may have encountered at sometime, the feeling of loneliness, being away from home missing all friends and family, I would say take Greenwood’s advice and “don’t say no, say yes to everything and do something with your life.” Joel’s career doesn’t just stop with he also enjoys playing golf. “If someone tells me I’ve got a good swing that’s it. When I get a compliment about anything that I do where somebody believes in me, I have to try as hard as I can to be the best I can.” When asked about where he wants to be in the future he responded “Professional sportsman, not just playing in a team but doing anything that sports entails.” Finally Joel’s advice to new students or even current students that are looking for guidance is “if life kicks you down, get up and kick it harder. Give it your all not just in terms of sports or social life but in your studies as well.” Overall we could learn a lot to be the positive and driven individual that Joel Brasher Jones is.

Students living in halls will be encouraged to have fun in the dark this academic year by taking part in the Student Switch Off. Halls will compete against each other to come top of the class in energy efficiency and students can get hold of amazing rewards for cutting carbon. Prizes will be given out over the course of the year to encourage students to save energy and do their bit to tackle climate change. These prizes will specifically be given to students who sign up to become Eco-Power Rangers – residents who pledge to use their energy carefully and encourage their friends to do so as well. Prizes on offer to students include Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, tickets to nights out, food vouchers, cinema tickets, NUS Extra cards and energy-saving gadgets. On top of all this, the winning hall will receive a celebratory end-of-year party. Other fun events such as film screenings and quizzes will also be held through the year. So how do you help your hall to win this year? Easy, just take small actions to save energy in halls - switch lights and appliances off when not in use, put a lid on the pan when cooking, don’t overfill the kettle and put on an extra layer of clothing rather than turning up the thermostat. Get in with a chance - pledge to be an Eco-power ranger now! Join the Facebook group – ’Brunel University Student Switch Off ‘ and check out www.studentswitchoff.org for more details. Why not come and meet us at Freshers’ Fayre – we’re the kids in lycra.

Issue 1 2010/11