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The

Legendary

J-Man

Screenshot Assistence: OC Studios


One day our hero is boundin' about the city mindin' his own buisness when...

brrrrring brrrrring

What in pie?

brrrring brrrring

It's the World 3: Paragon Wide Network Unit, or W3:PWNU. It's given ta every hero by the Longbow when they register wit Paragon City, just in case they need ya fer somethin. This is the first time it has ever gone off fer the J-Man.

Pardon me gentlemen.

Ah Ah,, come come on on,,

brrring brrring

We We weren doing anything We weren weren''t'tt doing doing anything anything!!!

Um .. J-Man speakin', balls out of control, how may I help ya?

Hello J-Man, this is the Paragon City Hero to Hero representative. Manticore has contacted us with an urgent mission. Please go speak with him in Brickstown, thank you.

click click


Luckily, our hero is already in Brickstown. He can't help but wonder what in pie would one of the Freedom Phalanx want wit him.

Yeah you disrespectful $#% I got a mission for you that you're about to accept.

An' more importantly, how in pie do the most famous heroes in Paragon City know who he is?

Excuse me sir, I'm the Legendary J-Man, ya wanted ta speak wit me?

Oh is that right? Yea that's right, jerk.

Ya think ya kin call me outta my busy day, insult me an' that I'll still work wit y a? What's gonna stop me from stickin' my big ol' boot right up yer rectum?

I know how you work J-Man, I've seen the cleanup crews. So not only do I know you weren't doing anything today, but I also have figured out at least seven different ways to take you apart since you landed.


My personal favorite is the one where I take your armor apart bolt by bolt with just one of my arrow heads. You gonna hear me out? You think you know me?

/em /em eyes narrow /emeyes eyesnarrow narrow

The J-Man likes the cut of this guy's jib, so he plans on at least hearin' him out.

Yea, I'm listenin'

The other Freedom Phalanx have gotten so stuffy. They stand in the same spot all day, it's boring. so I've devised a plan to make things a little more interesting.

Alright, good. I asked for you specifically J-Man, because I see what you do for this city.

So, what's this got ta do wit me?

I want you to deliver this package to Positron.

He wants the J-Man ta handle his package? It all seems ta make sense now....

Why didn't ya say so in the beginnin'! I'll grab a package any chance I kin git.


Manticore says he gits ta be Task Force Gotcha. J-Man takes extra special care not ta squeeze his package too hard. The last thing he needs is fer Manticore ta git pissed at him bein' too ruff.

Still curious as ta why Manticore even wants his help, the J-Man bounds his way ta Steel Canyon fer Positron.

Look at you standing there in your armor. I bet you can take that off, can't you?

Um ... excuse me, Positron?

What do you want?

MY URINE CAUSES CANCER!!!! You don't know what its like, do you? To be stuck in armor. To have to use the toilet in a clean room. Um ... sir thats not what I ...


Whoa, somebody is pissed.

No no, it's not like that, I have a delivery fer yas.

I hate standing here all day. It makes me so mad. LEARN TO USE YOUR OWN POWERS YOU #$%^$@& CHILDREN!

I am uninterested in your trash--who is it from?

Manticore. He says it'll make standin' here more interestin'.

All this #$@% is gray to me.

Well ... um ... her is your package.

poof poof

Is this flour?


So? What did he say?

As I was runnin' away I heard, "Do you have any idea what it will take to clean this off my armor? When I find you I am going to #@$%& your @%&$#. You think thats funny? None of your jokes are funny. I'm $%&#@ Positron!!!" Then I think he popped a gasket.

Oh we are not done yet. I got another mission for you.

HAHAHAH I have never met anyone as pissed as that guy. THAT IS HILARIOUS!

O rly? Ya rly.

Who's it against? Synapse.

Here is the break down. I want you to deliver this letter to him.

Hey Synapse.

*snicker* It was pretty good. You didn't git ta see his face. He was so pissed I was pissed, an' I was havin' a good time.

Hey J-Man.

Then while he is distracted I want you to tie his shoe laces together.

Manticore, sir, kin you be my patron hero?

You complete this mission and I'll think about it.

WHOA! How in pie do ya know who I is?

I am so fast that when I saw you walk up I ran to the hero registration office and went through every file of heroes who wear armor until I found yours. Then I read it at the speed of light, ran back here, stopped to get a sandwich, ate my sandwich, and tied my shoes all by the time you started your sentence.


... right ...

Oh snap! Think quick J-Man, ya can't let Manticore down.

That's um ... pretty fast. Well, I'm here 'cause Manticore has this letter. I already read it. WHAT!

No no no. Listen Synapse, that's no good, ya can't just read a letta like that, ya don't git the inflection Manticore intended. Here, lemme read it. *ahem*

Dear Synapse, Good buddy ol' pal how are things? Are you still sending the new heroes out on random fights against the clockwork? I hope things find you well.

I saw it in your hand, so while you were talking I took it, read it, corrected his grammar, and then ran over to thank him. I got back when you were saying "fast."

For me it seems like the same ol' thing over and over again. Sure I'm rich, sure I have everything I could ever want, but what about action? If you ever need to talk you know where I am. Your friend, Manticore

Well Synapse, I gotta go. Oh snap! Look, a purse snacher!

Hmm, I never thought Manticore liked me much, but the way you read that letter maybe I misjudged him.

tie tie tie tie

tie tie

thud thud MANTICORE !!!!!

HA! Like he could get away from ... oh WHOA!


HA HA HA Oh man that was good.

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

OK OK, who is next?

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

PFFFFFFT, Ok, I got this one. This'll be good, where is he?

*snicker* We can get the Back Alley Brawler ...

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha Heh, I'll put his location on your map ...

ha ha ha

... an' he was.. heheh ... He was all "SWEET CHRISTMAS!" BWA AHAHHA

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

HA HA HA J-Man, you are a genius! HA HA

ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha

MANTICORE!!! Oh great, it's Zeus himself. You better get outta here J-Man.

No you don't understand, the last time I pulled one of these prank TFs was with a regen scrapper. I'll hold him off. You did good J-Man, Task Force Gotcha is disbanded.

Statesman? Oh no, I got a bone ta pick wit him about what he did ta my debt. An' so ends anotha successful Task Force. JFS!!!

Manticore's Task Force  

Official J-Man Comic 38

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