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Well gang, here we go again...... It’s another Christmas/New Year edition, in fact the 6th! I just dunno where the time goes when you’re getting on a bit like what we here at Baywatch Towers are. It’ll soon be the “Baywatch Old Peoples’ Home” at this rate. It seem that one day you’re sitting around the pool sipping a nice cold G&T and the next (like tonight) it’s getting out the wincyette pyjamas and chucking another log on the fire (well, getting a few gas bottles anyroad). And of course, now the winter’s here, my favourite telly progs are going to be on 29 hours a day, keeping me glued to anything else but the b****y telly. Yes, it’s time for our sensibilities to be battered around by such “wonderful entertainment” shows as “I Wanna Be A Celebrity, So I’m Poncing About In The Jungle Somewhere, Desperately Trying To Make People Like Me” and “strictly Come Pratting About In Silly Clothes Making A Pillock Of Myself” and of course, my perennial favourite FOOTBALL......Yawn Yawn Yawn. I think when it’s raining, I’ll watch the shopping channels or even take up crochet! I KNOW:::::it’s only me that doesn’t like these progs...or is it? Right, that’s my “upsetting people” bit for now. Now what was I saying? Oh yes, I was chuntering on about something or other. It’s been nice, over the past couple of months, since the October edition, to speak to a lot of business people who are getting a bit more positive about the future - that’s what we all need to hear. We’ve got to bin old Mr Doom and Gloom and think positive, that’s the way forward. Some of our old advertisers are back and some new ones have joined the fold, so please, whenever you can, support them. There’s not a lot you can’t get around here and they will, I’m sure welcome the opportunity of getting to know you. Unfortunately, we still hear the “I haven’t got any business, so I can’t afford to advertise” logic. Well, if you don’t let people know what you have to offer, then you won’t get any, will you? Just a thought.... Talking about letting people know - just last night it was the latest in the series of Lee Dean’s World Tour of Chiclana at Venta El Pino and we decided to keep the numbers down to 80, because we needed to be completely indoors (the old Winter thing again!), but we let too many people know! As a result 106 people, including Spanish, Dutch, Argentinian, French, Chilean and others from goodness knows where else, including us Brits, boogied the night away until past 1.00 a.m. showing that even here in Chiclana there are things going on that we can go to. (The Community News Section has loads of info about December events). It’s just a pity that the Ayuntamiento has, we’re told, an aversion to granting entertainment licences. Miserable old gits! I reckon that this area could be a really thriving top quality holiday centre for European visitors if more live entertainment - especially on the beachfront areas - was allowed. We’ve moved forward a bit since the October edition, and now have our very own Baywatch Fun Forum. We’d be ever so chuffed if you’d use it. There are no restrictions on what you say (well, within reason) and you’re invited to use it to promote your business ventures as well as having your say and a chat about the area and what’s going on. There’s a comprehensive classifieds section for your ads, and all sorts of other categories for you to use and enjoy. To get to the forum, go first to our website at: www.baywatchspain.com and you’ll find a button there saying “current issue”. Click on that and Bob’s your aunty. If you like you can add this forum to your favourites and go straight there next time. The website itself is simply a doorway to the forum - we don’t try and fill it with ads, ‘cause I personally reckon it’s pointless, as 99% of people only want the forum and don’t bother to stop and read the ads on the home page. So, there y’are, it’s up and running and ready for you to use, so please do. It’d be nice if ALL you lot registered and made it the number one forum for the Costa de la Luz. Well, Crimble time again - get the deccies out, dust off the tree that’s been festering in the pool room since January, blow up the electric circuits with those old tree lights and deck the halls with boughs of Holly, tra la la la la la la la etc. Actually, I haven’t seen any Holly over here, or Mistletoe come to that. Mind you, which gals would want to snog us old blokes, even if we think they would if we waved a bit of tree over their heads! Mind you, although we moan about the silly season, I reckon that secretly we all enjoy it after all the preparations are out of the way. Well, have a great Xmas and a prosperous, peaceful and, above all, a healthy 2012. Thanks so much for your support, encouragement and friendship. The present Mrs Gruntfuttock and I are, we feel, pleased and privileged to live amongst such a great community. Hasta Banana till 2012


Love at first sight....... Vittorio and Francesca came to Cadiz for a holiday in Christmas 2002 persuaded by Italian friends who studied in Cadiz. They returned after their holiday to Italy to sell their business, and move permanently to Spain. In less than a year in Cadiz they opened their pizzeria Di Bocca In Bocca.. They say: “We chose that name because we had no money left for advertising and we considered that word of mouth (de boca en boca) was going to be the best way for the locals to get to know about us”. Their establishment became well known in Cadiz. A good part of their success, apart from Francesca’s warm personality, was Vittorio’s gastronomic capabilities. They moved their business recently and now offer their superb menu here in Chiclana. Their thin pizza base, crunchy, without oregano and little cheese, pizzas of potatoes or aubergine, and chocolate pizza! Exquisite! There is no fixed menu - you eat what Francesca recommends. It’s confusing at the beginning, but after a while it is one of their enchantments!. Their specialities include Pentolaccia or Pasta in clay bowls and Fettuccina Prawns. Also on offer are different types of pizzas, pasta of the day, BBQ meat (everybody cooks their own meat the way they like it) and speciality meats of your choice are available if you require. The restaurant is situated in Chiclana de la Frontera in Camino del Oso y el Madrono (next to Venta Pepe) in Pinar de los Franceses. See their ad for telphone numbers . Di Bocca in Bocca is also available for prívate functions (weddings, birthdays and any other celebrations). Francesca’s footnote: “ Here the clientele are our family - they are not famous people but for us they are”.

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Jethro’s daughter asked him for a pet spider for Christmas. He went to the pet shop and they were 5 euros He said to the pet shop man “Oi ain’t payin’ that, oi can get one cheaper off the web!”


If you get really bored over Christmas when Lidl are closed and you’ve played with all the grandkids’ presents, here is our top ten list of really pointless things to do.

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message. See how long you can hold a note (Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes) Not that much fun, but it passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Try to not think about penguins (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway. Use your secret mind power (Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes) Pick a passer by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers. Pretend you're a robot (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding 'zzzzzt' sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment. Scratch yourself (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel good? Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Pick a random word out of Baywatch and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises Pinch yourself (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain. Try to swallow your tongue (Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes) There's not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid. Pretend to be a car (Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes) Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

THEY’RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY HA HA......


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Since my last report there have been many meetings of various types within Andalucia, too many for me to attend in person. Some I managed and enjoyed very much. 1st October the Mercedes Club were in El Bosque about 20 cars were in attendance. We were unable to drive through the town on this occasion as there was a cycle race going on. We had a guided tour round the mill museum and enjoyed a good meal in the venta opposite the bull ring. 2nd October La Barca de la Florida just the other side of Paterna organised by the Motoclub Los Piraos. There were many cars and bikes in this small town. This was probably the most expensive event that I have attended so far. It cost 5€ per person which included 3 bebidas a plate of paella and a tee shirt! See pictures above. 9th October the Granada to Moclin rally. Moclin is a very small village in the mountains just outside Granada. The rally started in the centre of Granada where over 100 cars dating from the early twenties to the late eighties proceeded all through the city with thousands of spectators lining the route. We followed one another with a police escort up through the mountains and by-passed Moclin (this is Spain. You didn’t think that the Moclin rally would actually go there, did you?) covering approx 50Km and ended up at a restaurant where all the cars were put on display. The following week I joined a club from Sevilla to attend a weekend in Ronda. The high -light of this was the Saturday afternoon at the Ascari Race Resort (sometimes used by Top Gear) where we had the opportunity to drive a Lotus round the circuit for a few laps. Great fun. The same week there was a rally at El Cuervo just the other side of Jerez organised by the Seat Club where by all accounts there were a lot of cars of all makes. (you just can’t go to all of them) Picture 4 5th November there were hundreds of Seat/Fiat 600 in Sevilla Picture 3 So you see, if you are interested in the old car scene, there is much to see and do in quite a small area. That’s all for this time as I am of to the UK for the Classic Car Show at the NEC. CH


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Belen Viviente - Medina Sidonia

This unusual day is held in Medina Sidonia on the Sunday before Christmas Day, and is quite literally, a living portrayal of the Nativity. This year it’s on the 18th December. More than 600 people, composed of residents of all ages, are responsible for giving life as realistically as possible to the 66 scenes that form the Bethlehem Nativity, the camp of the Magi, the Roman census office, craft workshops , field tillage, grazing work, merchants, barbers, butchers, bakeries, etc. A replication of Bethlehem is developed along the Santa Maria area and historic streets and squares feature hundreds of scenes of Bethelehem. A great place to take the kids.


Young Denzil and his dad went down Truro to do some Christmas shopping. They were in the new shopping centre for the first time, and were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that could move apart and slide back together again. Denzil said “ Yer, what’s this Dad?” His dad, (never having seen

a lift before) said “ buggered if I knows - I never sawed nothin’ loike if afore " While they were watching in amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled her way up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small chamber. The walls closed, and Denzil and his dad watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until the last number was reached; then the numbers began to light in reverse order. Finally the walls opened again, and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. Denzil’s dad, said quietly to his son

“ Yer, go fetch your mother ”

There is something very special about cooking at Christmas time. Whether it is because we have guests staying, excited children, in-laws to impress and worry over, or just family traditions that we want to maintain, it's a time to try somethoing new for breakfast, so go on, give it a go! White sliced bread 4 eggs 1 cup milk 3/4 cup cream 1/4 cup and 2 tablespoons butter 2/3 cup brown sugar 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 tablespoon and 1-1/2 teaspoons golden syrup or maple syrup Directions: Butter a baking dish, and then arrange the slices of bread in the bottom. In a large bowl, beat together the eggs, milk, cream, vanilla and cinnamon. Pour over the bread slices, cover, and refrigerate overnight. The following morning, preheat oven to 350F (180C, Gas Mark 4). In a small saucepan, combine the butter, brown sugar and corn syrup (or golden syrup), and heat until bubbling. Pour over the bread and egg mixture. Bake in the preheated oven, uncovered, for 40 minutes.


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Here’s your dose of Soduko for this month but we call it....

SOD-U-DOH!

SOLUTION AT THE BACK SOMEWHERE AS USUAL)

Santa’s got a new motorbike for Christmas ..... it’s a HOLLY DAVIDSON! It’s nice to meet someone who’s passionate about what they do, and in the case of Alex, a German national of gigantic proportions, this is apparent from the time you step into his butchery in Chiclana town. The incredible aromas found in delicatessens has always been a draw to me and in this case, as I stepped over the threshold, my senses were assailed by the most delightful aromas of a host of cooked meats. The newly opened San Antonio butcher’s shop is also a deli specialising in German cooked meat products. The cold counter is brim full of meaty delights including German sausages of all kinds, pressed and processed chicken, turkey, beef and pork and even slight variations on a Spanish theme, including Morcilla (Black Pudding to us Brits) with PIne Nuts or dried fruits. The resident chief butcher Pepe is a jolly chap as well and offers a smiling welcome to all, although he needs Alex to translate. All the meat products are made on the premises with traditional spices being sourced in Germay for authenticity and Alex tells me that if there are any German specialities you require, he’ll be happy to make them for you - made to measure meats - what next? You should give it a try - you never know what you’ll find to your taste there. See the ad opposite....


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Sitting there, sipping a gin and tonic and looking out over the deserted beach as the cool November sun slowly sinks over the horizon is a great thing to do, but it can be even better. Combine this with eating some of the most interesting food to be found at the beachfront can make life, just for an hour or so, complete for the bon vivant. I like to think of myself sometimes as such a person with a grand sounding title when I’m not locked in a small office at Baywatch Towers and the other week, I was given the opportunity to visit Meson de las Americas to sample some of the Argentinian delights that the genial hostess Claudia had to offer. Here’s a restaurant that doesn’t only offer the usual fried fish or pork fillete with sauce, but has a tremendous range of Argentinian specialities including Argentinian Beefsteak, Empanadas Criollias (sort of Argentinian Cornish Pasties), Bombas (Potato with spicy meat and served with a tasty sauce), a host of different salads with original dressing sauces .... the list goes on! Claudia is extremely proud of her culinary heritage and this certainly shows in the variety and quality of the food she offers, So.....along with all this, there are games sessions on Thursday and Friday afternoons where you can while away a wintery hour or three playing such board games as draughts, backgammon, dominos and suchlike. Another useful service is ”a buffet to order” where you can hold your own party and Claudia will provide the food and premises for your own jolly- it’s a great setting for a birthday bash. Recently, our Sue from Creative Cakes has started providing a range of sweet cakey goodies, especially appropriate for an afternoon or early evening snack with a cup of something. Yes it’s certainly well worth a visit to Las Americas. From the main road through La Barossa, turn down by Los Drogos, park up there and go left along the prom and you’ll find it just 50 metres along. See you there!

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he went into the stable. "Je.....sus !" he shouted. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary - it's far better than Colin!"


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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by St Peter at the pearly gates. Saint Peter said “In honour of this holy season you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas in order to get into heaven” The first man fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out a cigarette lighter and lit it. “This represents a Christmas candle” he said. “You may pass through” said Saint Peter. The second man produced a set of key, rattled them and said “These represent Christmas bells” “You may pass through as well” said Saint Peter. The third man started desperately searching through his pockets and eventually produced a pair of flimsy lace knickers. Saint Peter looked on in amazement and said “What on earth do they represent?” The man replied “They’re Carol’s”


HERE IS A CHRISTMASSY WORD PUZZLE for the KIDS TO SOLVE. It’s so easy that we haven’t even put the solution in!

make all the words fit into this grid - use each word only once

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?.. Claustrophobic”

How did Good King Wenceslas like his pizza...? Deep pan, crisp and even...


Go to our new website at www.baywatchspain.com and join our new fun forum - have your say - it’s your forum!


Internet Eye: Part Two - Digital Threats Last time we talked about the types of people who might be a threat to your online activities – evil hackers, hacktivists, cyber-criminals, cyber-terrorists and cyber-warriors and why they threaten every net user – but how exactly how do they theaten you? Because digital threat comes in so many forms – you need to understand the nature of those threats. Here is a list of the worst internet threats that you could possibly face. Be afraid, be very afraid. These threats are not going to disappear “real soon now” - in fact we can expect them to get worse as more scumbags are attracted to the internet for the rich pickings it offers . Simple Threats Some threats have been around almost as long as the internet itself – some of them are even older – but they still form one of the minor annoyances of everyday internet life. Viruses: A virus is a self-replicating program that attaches itself to floppy disks, program files and memory sticks. Viruses can wipe out personal information, corrupt your operating system and sometimes necessitate re-installing your entire computer from scratch. Spyware and Adware: The only difference between these two is that Spyware will track your movements across the web and adware will serve up ads when you least expect them. Combined together they can present you real problems as it serves up pop-up ads like a demented criminal version of Google. Spam: Spam is unwanted email that will often offer dodgy pills- and access to even dodgier websites. Once upon a time it was an easy task to send a few million unwanted emails – but spammers are getting cleverer all the time – and could be using your computer to send spam!

Advanced Threats Phishing: Phishing is targeted Spam craftily designed to hook the recipient by appearing to emanate from trusted source. Falling victim to a Phishing attack can lead to compromised banking information or a possible full hostile takeover. Worms: are very similar to viruses except they propagate across the internet itself by infecting computers and then searching for more computers to infect – allowing the infection of millions of computers on the Internet in just a few hours. PDF Malware: The Adobe “Portable Document Format” is used by organisations, companies and publishers to distribute digital documents at low cost – but it is possible to write “evil” PDF documents which can lead to full hostile takeover.

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All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy

CONTINUED FROM OPPOSITE PAGE...

Full Hostile Takeover Once you fall victim to an advanced attack – more software will be downloaded to your computer. This software is capable of hiding itself inside the operating system and taking full control of the computer – monitoring keystrokes, collecting passwords, stealing personal information and confidential documents. Once your computer is controlled from the outside it can be used as part of a 'BotNet” - vast networks of compromised computers which can be used to send Spam and attack other computers on command - all without your knowledge. Newer pieces of crimeware such as “Zeus” can copy your banking details, steal money from your online account, and then show you false banking statements that assure you there is nothing wrong – until the money has been laundered. An unsecured computer is “low hanging fruit” to the evil doers on the internet – and in the next part of this series - we will talk about basic computer security to help minimise possible internet threats and ensure that your computer is part of the solution and not part of the problem.

A teddy bear working on a building site went for his tea break and when he got back he noticed his pickaxe has been stolen. The angry bear reported the theft to the foreman, who grinned at the bear and said "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked”.


Xmas and New Year with your Pet It's that time of year when decorations start to go up. These are likely to be an attraction for your pet. Try to keep your is th ds More wise wor pet out of the room where the elen H om fr decorations are, unless you are th on m s le there so you can ensure that they ty S 9 K Hardy of don't play with them (some of is as m st which are likely to be electric) and Grooming. Chri as well keep presents containing chocofor your pets late well out of reach of dogs as y’know! chocolate is toxic to dogs. Be aware that seasonal plants such as poinsettias, holly, ivy and mistletoe are also toxic to dogs. Some male dogs may also try to scent the Xmas tree as it is an unfamiliar item in the room – if it is an electric tree do not turn on unless you are present - and ideally place on a table out of reach. Real trees shed needles and these need to be vacuumed regularly to avoid needles in paws. Fairly quickly we move from Xmas to New Year and ........ FIREWORKS! Many pets are frightened of fireworks and here are a few things we can do to help them. Provide them with a den, be this a blanket over some chair seats or a crate, with the door wedged open, to create a dark space where they can retreat safely if they want to. Feed your dog before you expect fireworks and try to feed turkey which is rich in tryptophan (which converts into serotonin which helps sleep) and carbohydrates like rice or pasta to speed up its' absorption. Pull curtains to block out flashes and turn up the TV or radio to block noise. You can also give a long lasting treat like a stuffed Kong as the action of chewing can release stress relieving endorphins. Try to avoid stroking or cuddling your dog if they are stressed, as this reinforces fears or phobias, ignore the behaviour and act normally, the idea being the dog sees there is nothing to worry about.

Enjoy this festive season with your pet!

Cute Pets Corner.....

Here’s a couple of examples of pets who have embraced the world of technology.....on the left is Helen’s Charlie, probably waiting for Countdown to start, and on the right is Julie’s kitten doing what your Baywatch editor feels like doing sometimes! Keep those cute pets photos coming in we’ll be featuring some more in the


PET TRANSPORT TO THE U.K.

We’ve had some good advice from Rachel of Posh Pets Spain, clearing up many questions about taking your pets home to the U.K. and things to watch out for when choosing a transporter to do the job for you. Rachel says: “As we have all been told, as of 1st January 2012, DEFRA will have changed their rabies policy. It will from then, be only 21 days after the rabies vaccination that your pet can enter the U.K. from France or Spain.Of particular interest to us, there will be no need for a blood test. There will be NO excuse NOT to take your pets with you when you return home to the U.K. The introduction of these new regulations will make it cheaper and much easier to travel abroad with pets.” If you are looking at using a Pet Transportation company to transport your pets, it is important to choose wisely, using the following guidelines: • Bear in mind your pets are not a piece of luggage or furniture, therefore use a company who recognise and respect this and are experienced animal handlers. Try and use a “pets only” transport company, rather than a removal firm! • When transporting pets by land, check that the vehicle used is customised for the purpose.having safe and secure travel compartments with water containers, be rotary vented, have twin air condi tioning and all the windows should have privacy glass. It is far better that there is no bulkhead between the driver and the animals to ensure that the driver can hear the pets. • Check that the driver is an experience pet handler and ask for testimonials or references If you need any further advice or help, contact Rachel at Posh Pets Spain who will be glad to speak to you. For her contact details, see the Posh Pets Spain ad above.


HAPPY ENDING - FINAL FELIZ A regular round-up of information to keep you up to date and informed of the work of this commendable charity....

Thanks to generous donations from two of our Committee members and other people, we have been able to do work on the runs for the dogs and have been able to lay concrete and gravel.

We have re-homed over 70 dogs this year, mostly due to the work of Margarita and her overseas contacts. We have had some wonderful photos of the dogs in their new homes, but there are far too many to show you. We are delighted to have made even a small difference .We have several dogs booked to go to the UK in the New Year, when the DEFRA laws change on 1st January 2012. But, It hasn´t all been good news. This year we have seen many cases of Filiaria and Leishmania, due to a heavy mosquito presence last year. We also have one severe case of mange in a dog. All these are treatable but expensive. Should you care to donate; you can do it via Paypal on our website www.happy-ending-finalfeliz.eu, or by transfer to our emergency account. Caja Rural del Sur, Avenida de los Descubrimientos 134, 11130 Chiclana de la Frontera, Cádiz. .acct no: 3187 0133 13 2972995415 in the name of Margrethe Gloersen, or at LHD in Los Gallos If anybody in the Conil or Vejer area wishes to donate for our dogs, food, blankets, financial donations or items we can sell at our car boot sale, please contact Andrew Townsend: andrew.townsend@yahoo.co.uk or Tel 637 982 331. We are also short on volunteers and if you have the time and are prepared to help please contact Margarita on 617 099 706 or Andrew on 637 982 331 for details. I´d like to thank the volunteers who we couldn´t do without at the kennels or the car boot. Sue, who organizes events and trips (I do a bit too!), Andrew who runs our Facebook page, Brisa who keeps our charity accounts in order and the rest of the members of the Committee, particularly Margarita, Tina and Karen for their total dedication to the dogs.

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don’t forget to visit the new Baywatch Forum Go to www.baywatchspain.com and click on the link

In Medina Sidonia, there exista a Boarding and Training kennels with a difference. I went there to meet with Begoña, the owner and I must confess, I didn’t expect to see what did. 10,000 square metres of space and freedom, several large enclosures for the dogs to be free during the day, a swimming pool for them and plenty of shade. At most times of the day, the staff are playing with and excercising the guests and every dog is treated according to it’s nature. I went into some of the kennels which are really like hotel rooms and was very impressed with the standard of comfort - infra red heating for cold nights,a nice cool environment for the warmer times and each room has it’s own patio! The only thing missing was Sky T.V. in every room, but I expect that can be arranged! The ancilliary buildings include a grooming parlour and a dispensary and the kitchen was stacked with all sorts of foodstuffs - enough to cater for all tastes. Training classes are also available here - now that’s a really useful service, as it’s not just the dogs who are trained, it’s the owners as well! The prices charged for all this luxury are amazingly low - a quick ‘phone call will put you right on that score - and you’ll find a warm welcome from people who really care about the welfare and well-being of dogs. I’ve now reached a decision - next year at holiday time, I’m leaving Purdy and Honey at home, and putting myself in Medina Sidonia Kennels for a fortnight! I don’t consider I’ll be “wuffing it”! (sorry),


We love to get your letters here at Baywatch Towers and we will be awarding a prize to the sender of the “Star Letter” published in each edition. Here’s one to kick off this new scheme...... send yours in for the February edition Dear Baywatch,

This is simply too much of a time saver not to share it with your readers. After years of research, I think I have come up with the most efficient way of shampooing your cat. 1. Lift the lid of the toilet and add half a cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom. 3.Quickly put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. (You may need to stand on the lid afterwards) 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Don’t worry about the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5.. Flush the toilet three or four times, this provides a 'power-wash and rinse'. 6. Get someone to open the front door of your house and be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand as far away from the toilet as you can and lift the lid. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.. I hope you will greatly benefit from this. Have a very merry Christmas Yours sincerely,

The Dog

STOP PRESS - we’ve just received this reply....


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I reckon that turkeys are cleverer than chickens........... Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Turkey?

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1 large white loaf 1 large onion, diced. 1 apple, peeled and diced. 2 stalks of celery, sliced. quarter pound of butter. Half a cup of raisins. Sage, to taste. Salt, to taste. Pepper, to taste. Saute the onion, the apple and the celery in butter. Combine and moisten all of the ingredients with hot water. Stuff the turkey before roasting, or bake the stuffing in golf ball sized balls in a buttered dish. Mmmm!


NEWS ABOUT INTERNET CONNECTIONS from our friends at La Alterniva

La Alternativa are pleased to announce the installation of their brand new high-speed internet circuit. Working closely with Cable Europa better known as 'ONO' it has been made possible for them to offer much faster connection times. Add this to the huge investment in new equipment and constant upgrades and they wil be able to offer fiber optical speeds wirelessly of 10Mb, with even faster speeds being rolled out in 2012. and it's not just the download speed that will benefit, so will their upload speeds. So all you Facebook and Twitter addicts, Gamers, YouTube uploaders, in fact, anyone who even uploads just one photo in an email, you will be able to experience the lightning speeds of their new upload capabilities. (See the article on uploads vs. downloads) We asked Rob why there is no alternative to Alternativa - this is what he said.... The two logos on our ad mean a lot to us. The Junta de AndalucĂ­a has issued the CMT license proving that. "What we say is what we do." Our speeds are real and proven, not the fanciful wishes that other companies would like to achieve. The CMT license is a prestigious award which involves a lot of work to achieve and means that we meet the criteria of a licensed ISP. So I think we need to shout about it. The ONO logo confirms that we are now one of only 2 commercial agents in the area and again I think we need to advise people of this, so they do not fall in to the trap of going with unlicensed providers. La Alternativa have kindly agreed to explain about the main differences between uploads and downloads....... For the average user, download throughput is the primary metric used when considering the speed of your broadband package to measure the quality of your online experience. Download throughput represents how quickly you can receive information, such as reading email, browsing web pages, downloading content such as music, photos or applications as well as the quality and buffer rate when streaming video. Because download is more meaningful for popular activities, residential Internet packages are typically asynchronous, and normally download is much faster than upload. An example: 6Mbps/512kb package means 6 megabits of downstream per second, while only a fraction of the upstream at 512Kilobits per second. Packages vary widely with some having an upload as low as 128Kbp/s or just about twice as fast as a dial-up connection. Naturally, upload speeds are very important if you are hosting information via a web or email server. This is because the upload throughput will determine how quickly other users can access information from your network. Your upload is another person's download and vice versa. Most residential users aren't hosting servers, so in that respect upload is typically not a big issue. However, where upload throughput really matters is when you want to quickly share outbound content from your connection. Examples of these activities include sending an email and uploading photos or video to a website like Facebook, Twitter or YouTube. As more users have a higher need to send large emails and post higher resolution photos and videos to websites, upload is telling a larger part of the whole story. Another increasingly popular use of upload is peer-to-peer (P2P) file sharing programs, such as BitTorrent, where upload is required to continually send content in order to have the privilege of downloading. VoIP, Video Conferencing and Online Gaming also require upload throughput for the bi-directional interactions. So, depending on what you are looking to do with your broadband connection be sure to consider upload speed carefully. Remember that although neither is particularly fast, even 256Kbp/s will allow you to upload twice as fast as 128Kbp/s and you'll appreciate that the next time you upload pictures or send that big email attachment to a friend


This is the only community magazine with it’s own local forum visit now and register; www.baywatchspain.com and follow the link


I have had many requests to again provide the frequencies and details of the various ITV regions that are available to Sky viewers via other channels. If you experience signal problems following strong winds or during rain/bad weather, it is advisable to tune to one of the following ITV regions; ITV 1 BORDER SCOTLAND ITV 1 TT N ITV1 MERIDIAN S ITV 1 MERIDIAN E ITV 1 ANGLIA S ITV 1 YORKS W.

FREQUENCY POLARISATION VSYMBOL RATE FEC

10.891 H 22.0 5/6

ITV1 LONDON ITV1 GRANADA ITV1 ANGLIA E ITV1 CENTRAL W

FREQUENCY POLARISATION VSYMBOL RATE FEC

10.758 V 22.0 5/6

ITV1 CENTRAL S ITV1 CENTRAL E ITV1 WALES ITV1 WEST ITV1 W COUNTRY ITV BORDER ENGLAND

FREQUENCY POLARISATION VSYMBOL RATE FEC

10.832 V 22.0 5/6

STV EAST STV NORTH STV WEST UTV ULSTER

FREQUENCY POLARISATION VSYMBOL RATE FEC

10.906 V 22.0 5/6

Don’t forget that the strongest signal for BBC 1 is found on channel 974 BBC1 LONDON, 971 BBC1 SCOTLAND and 972 BBC1 WALES and changing to these channels will improve your chances of a better signal during poor weather.Once these start to break up you will only find that channel 501 sky news after this goes then forget tv its torrential rain.If you find that you satellite system breaks up in light rain then you may have an alignment problem ,LNB fault, cable fault or just a low gain Sky box. Still the best sky box for this area is without doubt the PACE ds430n or the earlier model the PACE 2600 both these boxes have a high gain tuner and can still be bought via EBAY.For further free information do not hesitate to contact me for more individual advice on 679195027 Regards Steve

HO HO HO . . . . .

Santa was about his rounds one Xmas eve when he landed on a large mansion in the countryside. Down the chimney he clambered, straight into the bedroom of a beautiful 18 year old girl. " Oh " she said, “ I’ve always wanted to meet Santa Claus, won’t you stay for a while? ” " No I’ve got loads to deliver " said Santa “ I’ve really got to get on ”. The girl slipped her nightie down around her waist, and said “ are you sure you won’t stay? ”. Santa, being very ethical said “ No, I’d really love to, but, as I said, I’m very busy ”. The girl let the nightie fall to the ground and said “ Oh, go on, I’m sure you want to stay” Santa, with a dry throat, croaked “ Well I’m going to have to now - I’ll never get back up the chimney ! ”


Sherlock Holmes decorated 221B Baker Street - he painted the front of the house blue, all except the front door which was yellow.Watson was curious "why have you painted the house blue but the front door yellow?" he asked. "Lemon Entry, dear Watson, Lemon Entry" replied Sherlock


Now ‘tis nearly next year, yer be the top fourteen things you should be doin’ in yer garden: Plant up some of they there window boxes with colourful Christmas/winter plantings. Bung in the last of yer spring bulbs. Be kind to yer Christmas pot plants so that they’m at their best from Christmas to Los Reyes – the Three Kings festival of 6 th January. 4) ‘Ave a tidy up to get rid of the fallen leaves and stuff what do lay around and make the place untidy. 5) Do a pre Christmas weeding and tidy up to maximise the Christmas display from still flowering plants. Don’t do no heavy pruning though ‘til the annual big cutback in January/February. 6) Cover valuable plants what be vulnerable to frosts with fleece, wind break material or bubble wrap. 7) Harvest vegetables and fruits and the last of walnuts and pecan nuts if you got ‘em for the festive season. 8) If you’m growing new potatoes for Christmas cover ‘em with fleece in case there be an early frost. 9) If your oranges and mandarins are still green and sour make a note to plant some early fruiting varieties before the spring. 10) Clean up , prune and feed soft fruit beds, though I knows we don’t do much in the way of they round yer. ‘Tis a pity really, ‘cause we’m ever so fond of our rhubarb and blackcurrants. Oi might just ‘ave another go at growing they next year. 11) Make last plantings of plantlets for Swiss chard, peas, broad beans, winter onions and leeks and salad leaves. They’ll be ready in plenty of time fer the spring then. Salads ....Mmmmm 12) If you haves olive trees pick what’s left on ‘em now. Pickle some and if you have sufficient alone or with neighbours and friends arrange to have them pressed for your own extra virgin cold pressed olive oil. One litre normally needs 5 to 6 kilos of olives and a personal pressing a minimum of 200 kilos of olives. 13)The tops of palm trees can be pruned and shaped to look their best, even though that little bugger of a bug ‘as been causin’ havoc. Make sure you keeps up yer treatment with Confidor we thinks we’ve managed to save one of our infected trees, so ‘tis worth it. Fer more informa tion on this, see last month’s Baywatch. 14)On dry days start winter projects such as building paths, terraces, rockeries, raised beds, ponds and walls for a compost heap. Shreddings from the winter cutback and Festive season green kitchen waste will provide good starter material. Tis a really good idea to get yer own compost heap goin’. ‘Tis more environmentally friendly and better all round than buying fertilisers and chemical stuff. (Also ‘tis cheaper). Keep a bucket and a shovel in the car and if you sees any horse dung round, grab a bucketful fer yer Rhubarb ... (all right, we all know the joke - Ed). There, that lot should keep ‘ee exercised and warm up to Christmas. Then you can enjoy a festive rest . There’ll be tons more to do in the new year to make sure yer Spring and Summer gardens are as bootiful and productive as possible. Oi’ll be back next time with more......fer now though have a proper job Christmas and a noice healthy and peaceful year1) 2) 3)


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The “Tebbit Cricket Test” Revisited

Recent proposals from the spanish right-wing - to ensure that every foreigner who comes to live in Spain should have a general knowledge of spanish history, culture and language - reminded me of similar proposals back on the green, green grass of home. Often, while scoffing grass and guzzling sheepdip in those green and pleasant lands, Black Sheep would hear other sheep bleating loudly about the influx of goats who refused to learn sheepish, ate strange goatish food, and refused to act sheepishly like a good sheep should. These sheepish attitudes to goats in the flock was most infamously publicised by the notorious Norman Tebbit “Cricket Test” - which insisted that truly loyal goats would support the sheepish cricket team even when they were playing against goatish teams – totally ignoring the fact that the speepish cricket team were complete and utter rubbish. But we live in goatland now – and the shoe is very much on the other cloven hoof. We are the ones that should learn goatish ways, language and culture - and Black Sheep was wondering - just how much do the average sheeple know about goatish culture? In the spirit of Norman Tebbit – we at the sheep pen have racked our brains for hours – well about 30 minutes actually – to invent the “Black Sheep Tebbit Quiz”. It might tell you a little about how much you know, or a lot about how much you don't know, but you will learn that Mr. & Mrs. Black Sheep spend too much time watching Spanish television! Cultural acclimatisation!! Baaaaaa!!! QUESTIONS 1) What is the name of the current mayor of Chiclana and which political party does he represent? 2) Who is the leader of that political party who narrowly escaped death in a helicopter crash? 3) What is the name of the ex-mayor of Chiclana and which political party does he represent? 4) Who is the current leader of that political party? 5) When that leader steps down after the upcoming elections – who is the “leader in waiting” 6) What is the name of the hotel in the long-running Andalusian soap “Arrayán” 7) Christian Galvez presents which famous gameshow on Channel 5?

8) Belén Esteban, Lydia Lozano, Kiko Matamoros and Kiko Hernandez are regular co-presenters

on which daily gossip magazine programme? 9) Name the regular “Salvame” contributor who had her song “Soy un Tsunami” banned from entering the Eurovision song contest? 10) Which famous bull-fighter was involved in a head-on collision while allegedly drunk this year? 11) Spain was captivated by the wedding of an 85 year old bride this year – who was she? 12) What is the name of the annual 3-day ethnic music festival in Chiclana? 13) What is the name of the huge annual festival of electronic music held in Barcelona? 14) Where is the tomato throwing festival “La Tomatina” held every year? 15) Miguel Carcaño is on trial for murder in Sevilla – but what was the name of the alleged victim? 16) Two famous Spanish actors were married this year – who were they - and why is the bridegroom currently in the news? 17) Where did the late “Cameron de la Isla” come from? 18) If Letitia is the “royal princess” – what is the name of the “princess of the people” (“la princesa del pueblo”) - in Spain?

19) Which famous television personality presents “AR” on her daily morning talkshow? 20) The US soap “Ugly Betty” was an English speaking version of which Spanish speaking telenovela? Answers at the back------


All our advertisers thank you for your suppport in 2011 and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy 2012


Hi sports fans --- I’m still here - with some more info for you .... I haven’t yet been snapped up by a lesser publisher like News International! Right, on with the round-up... Cycling (continued from previous Baywatch) The Tour of Britain took place from Sep 11th – 18th. Stage 1 started in Peebles in Scotland and continued through Britain going via Stoke On Trent, Exeter, Taunton, Bury St Edmonds and finishing in London. The last stage was won by Mark Cavendish, but the overall race was won by a Dutch Cyclist Lars Bloom in a total time of 26hrs 57mins 35seconds, 2nd was Britain’s Stephen Cummings, 3rd the Dutch rider John Bart. Mark Cavendish eventually finished 13th- 2 min 53 sec behind. A week later, on the 25th Sept Mark Cavendish was the 1st Briton since Tommy Simpson in 1965 to win the One Day World Championship race over a 266 km course in Denmark Rugby World Cup 2011 This took place in New Zealand and was won by the Host Country, beating France 8 -7 in a tense final. The best British Team was Wales, who lost to Australia in 3rd place play-off by 21-18 (another close game). England reached the quarter final losing to France 19 -12, Ireland also reached the quarter-finals before losing to Wales 22-10, Scotland failed to qualify for the group stages. Tennis I wonder will 2012 be the year for Andy Murray - will he at last win one of the Grand Slam Titles ? Andy has had a great end to the season winning the Japanese Open by beating Rafael Nadal, The Bangkok Open, beating Donald Young and the Shanghai Open beating Spain’s David Ferrer. Andy has moved above Roger Federer to become the World’s No 3 Player, so let’s hope he can win a Grand Slam now. Boxing Amir Khan is set to defend his WBA & IBF Light-Welterweight World Titles against Lamont Peterson in America on Dec 10th. David Hayes announced his retirement from Boxing on his 31st Birthday. He is hoping to get an Equity Licence to become an actor !!!! Woman’s Boxing is now to be introduced into the 2012 Olympics, and why not ??? let’s have your opinion. Athletics Mo Farah has been named as the Men’s European Athlete of 2011. He won gold in the 5,000 mtrs and silver in the 10,000 mtrs in the World Championship in Bejing. COMPETION TIME ...come on you knowledgeable lot. To win a bottle of wine, answer this.... Who is the only Briton to have won medals at 2 different sports and at 2 different Summer Olympics , and in which sports? First correct answer out of the hat wins. Send your answers to me at: lambosport@ fastmail.fm Right that’s it for this month, more next time. Bye for now and a very Merry Christmas to you all.


HERE’S A NEW FEATURE .......... LAMBO’S LOCAL SPORTING HEROES

Here we go with the first in this series - John Grice, or Jockey John as he’s known. As a youngster John was apprentice Jockey to the Houghton Stables, and rode many races. He also looked after a horse called Ribofillio for 3 years. This horse was a champion 2 year old in 1968, although in 1969 he was beaten by just half a length in the Irish Derby and by a short-head in the St Leger. Ribofillio also ran in the Prix de L’arc de Triomphe, but was unplaced. John then had weight problems ( but you wouldn’t think so now !!!!) and was forced to turn down the chance of becoming a Jump Jockey. Major Houghton, the owner of the stables was tragically killed in an accident in 1951 and his wife took over running of the stables. However, as women were not allowed to hold licences back then, an employee had to do so for her. Mrs Houghton reached the grand old age of 101 on Nov 8th and had still been riding out in her 80s. John and his wife Anne retired to Chiclana some 6 years ago and John still retains his avid interest in all things equestrian.

Come on all you sporting persons... what have you done in the way of sport ? Let Lambo know and he’ll do a feature on you.

Have a really great Christmas and a healthy, prosperous and fulfilling New Year. Why not let Baywatch help you develop your business in 2012 to make Xmas 2012 a good one as well?


It’s new............. It’s fun.............. It’s informative

It’s...The NEW Baywatch Friendly Forum

To get there, simply go to our website at www.baywatchspain.com and you’ll find a button there that will take you to the forum. Once there, register (it’s quite simple) and you’ll be free to post to your heart’s content. What’s on, free classified ads, business recomendations, pet information etc. etc. it’s all there. Let your friends and family in the U.K. know about the forum - they’ll find it useful as well!

B!!Nfssz Disjtunbt!boe!b Ibqqz!Ofx!Zfbs up!bmm


After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night" a Sunday School class was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like. One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary and the infant, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure. The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy replied ... "Oh, that's Round John Virgin�


English as she is spoke...here are extracts from some

signs seen throughout the world. All these are really genuine! They make some of the local Spanish menus seem well translated!

In a Bangkok Temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN. Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. Dry cleaners, Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE, OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. On a poster at Karachi Airport: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP. In a Cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS, FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE, OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. In a Tokyo Bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. In the lobby of a Moscow Hotel, across from a Russian Orthodox Monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY, WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY, EXCEPT THURSDAY. A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE, THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT, UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE. Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS. A Laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND THEN SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

I asked Carol what she wanted for Christmas. She said “ My car’s playing up a bit, so I wouldn’t mind something cheap to run around town in ” Job done - I’ve bought her a pair of trainers from Lidl


Please don’t forget to mention that you saw their ad in Baywatch when you ring an advertiser. It helps them and us!


Pago Pedal Pushers Leisure Cycling Group - The Story So Far

The first ride we held was from Casa Blas (Shirt Sponsor) 12th September 2010 with 3 cyclists to include myself and Dianne my wife. Our first member Brian has continued riding with us as we have gone from strength to strength and now has the grand title of El Presidente. We have progressed to attract more riders to include a whole family with their children, the youngest little Roxy riding with her dad on a seat fixed to his cross bar. New routes and Ventas are being found as we explore further afield. Our 50th ride was a great success, we had a compliment of 12 riders and then many family members joined us after the ride for the buffet lunch at Casa Blas. This birthday ride was an away day kindly organised by Brian our El Presidente. We loaded up our cars early in the morning and set off to the beauty spot Via Verde de la Sierra Puerto Serrano. The cycling route to Olivera is by way of an old railway line cut through the hills, the scenery is stunning, the tunnels are a little testing, but as a group the 35 km on a slight gradient was an absolute delight. The lunch stop was at the Equestrian Centre in Olivera, the centre is sited at the top of a steep incline where family and friends were waiting to join us for lunch, there cheers of encouragement gave new life to our tired legs. The lunch and cold beers regenerated our energy levels for the return journey. The 35km return to base was a little easier and was achieved by all in a very good time.A great day was had by all. The PPP is made up of male and female, all ages from 4 - 74. We have had over all 34 people cycle with us last year, some of our members work away or live here part time, we usually attract 812 riders on a regular basis. Our main ride is on Sundays. But we also offer a Wednesday ride for the more advanced cyclist, nicknamed the "Wednesday Warriors" as the ride is more testing with off road. (Check for details on a weekly basis on our website www.jrnet.com/ppp) On Thursdays is our beginners group meet at Casa Blas for a easy flat shortish ride. Rides start at a Venta or place of interest at 10.00a.m for a 20 - 30 km ride, we have coffee stops and a final get together for a beer if you wish. The PPP has: No rules No constitution Use of a buddy system Re-group as necessary Nobody gets left alone Not a race Any old bike will do We have a website= www.jrnet.com/ppp Or contact Barrie Cale 634 319 365 or 672 391 442 "See you there come and see what we are about ,don't be shy cycling keeps you fit"


Dear readers, Winter is setting in and many of our members along with hundreds of “Chiclaneros” are still forced to live without electricity (a basic human right). The PP Council following an election promise discarded the town plan (the new, new AGB) that was prepared to replace the old one (nullified in the high court) and commenced drawing up yet another one. As a result the previously approved bylaw that should have allowed (earlier in 2011) for the legal recognition of older properties (around 5 years +) and possible connection to electricity, sewage and water was also made null and void. In mid September the ChiFRA Management Committee sent a strong letter to the council, expressing the general frustration felt by our members and subsequently were invited to a meeting on the 2nd of November by the Delegate for Urbanization Mr. Nunez, who told us that the Junta de Andalucía is developing a plan that is expected to be ready in January or February 2012, similar to the bylaw approved in Chiclana under the previous government. We were also told that their (new, new, new) plan could be made available by the end of 2011, or early 2012 for 90 day public scrutiny and amendment. This very lengthy process will continue until all the “allegations” are addressed and then sent to the Junta de Andalucía for approval. It was indicated that the plan would allow for most houses to get electricity and that built-up areas where the connections were close by would also receive water and sewerage. Minimum plot size in some areas shouldn’t be a sticking point, as they want to allow the recognition of older buildings without having to necessarily segregate them. The flood dam in Pago and the new ring road along with the city tram system were all hinted at being on hold due to lack of regional funding although no direct answer was given to those questions. The meeting ended with the Foreign Assistance Delegate, Stefan Schauer offering us his help and availability to answer your questions at a “ChiFRA Social Meeting”. If you’d like more information please go to our web page at www.chifra.org.

A Merry Xmas and Happy New Year!! Roger Alan Holmes – ChiFRA President.


Here’s the Sod-U-Doh & Puzzle solutions - how did you do?

ANSWERS TO THE BÑLACK SHEEP’S QUIZ 1) Ernesto Marín – PP 2) Mariano Rajoy 3) José María Román – PSOE 4) José Luis Zapatero 5) Alfredo Pérez Rubalcaba 6) “Arrayán” 7) “Pasapalabra” 8) “Sálvame Diario” & “Sálvame Deluxe” 9) Karmele Marchante 10) José Ortega Cano 11) The Duchess of Alba 12) FIMEC 13) SÓNAR 14) Buñol

15) Marta del Castillo 16) Penelope Cruz & Javier Bardem – who is starring with Daniel Craig in the Bond movie “SkyFall” 17) San Fernando (aka “la Isla”) 18) Belén Esteban 19) Ana Rosa Quintana 20) “Yo Soy Bea”

The Black Sheep’s tip for insomniacs Don't count sheep - use goats instead. Every time a goat jumps over the fence say to yourself "Goats leap, goats leap..."

Publisher: Baywatch Publications C/Virgen del Carmen, 3 Buzon 11, 11130 Chiclana de la Frontera Cadiz Tel: 678 745 025 E-Mail: baywatch@fastmail.fm Forum: www.baywatchspain.com Who does what around here...... Editor Lee Dean Production Lee Dean Design Lee Dean Staying up all night to get it out on time Lee Dean Making the tea Lee Dean Taking the blame Lee Dean Distribution Carol Dean Listening to editor’s moaning Carol Dean

Copy and payment drop-off points: Box 34, The Post House, Los Gallos, Box 11, Milenuim Locutorio, C/Virgen del Carmen, (Road next to bus station by old bridge).

Although we make every effort to ensure the accuracy of all information in this publication, we cannot accept any liability for errors or omissions. The views that are expressed herein by advertisers and contributors are not necessarily those of the publishers. So there

Regular Contributors include: Brian Lambert Paul Day Helen Hardy Peasmold Gruntfuttock Jan Hill Roger Holmes The Galloping Guru


Here’s the recipe for getting away from the rugby on the telly....

Take a sunny Sunday morning,a couple of hundred people who have the nostalgia bug and a hundred or so classic motor bikes, scooters and mopeds. Mix all that lot together in a large car park in Sanlucar and there you have it - an interesting and fun diversion. The CLUB LOS NOSTALGICOS in Sanlucar held their annual rally and ride on 9th October and gathered together an impresive array of classic and vintage two wheelers. It has to be said there were a few that needed a bit more attention to get them to pristine condition, but the owners will maybe get round to it “manana”. There were a couple of surprises on view, most notably a 2nd World War British Army BSA gold star and sidecar, brought back to original condition - even the rider and passenger had WW2 helmets! Even the present Mrs Gruntfuttock who, it has to be said, isn’t really a biker’s moll, found it interesting - there were several 1960s Lambrettas and Vespas on show and they brought back memories to her of late evenings in Cheltenham when she rode with the Mods! One of my favourites was a beautifully restored 1958 BMW 250 which was, incidentally, for sale - the aforementioned Mrs G refused to get her purse out, so it didn’t come home with us though! Of course, the event was widely publicised (not) so a lot more people could have enjoyed this gathering if they’d known about it - there are certainly worse ways of spending a few hours on a sunny Sunday - we’ll definitely be there for the next one.....we’ll try and get details in advance and let you know where and when.


COMMUNITY NEWS AND EVENTS There’s a Party Quiz Night at Bar Oasis, on Friday 9th December from 7.30 - late. Including a Vintage Quiz. Grand Raffle. Hot & Cold Buffet. Tickets 5E available from Bar Oasis, LHD, La Alternativa & The Happy Ending stall at Casa Curro Car Boot sale on Sundays. All proceeds to Happy Ending Animal Rescue, so come and support this worthwhile night out and help the animals. It’s the the final month of this summer/autumn session of ChiFRA's Spanish classes. Due to a couple of holidays during the session, some of the classes will go until mid-December. We'll take off a few weeks for the Christmas/New Year holidays and start up again in January (probably the second week) for another 12 weeks or so. We'll put out an email to current students; everyone else keep an eye on the website (www.chifra.org). Anyone who isn't participating this time who knows they want to be in the January-April-ish classes can contact us in advance at spanish@chifra.org. Por ahora, desfruta las fiestas y nos vemos en enero, Bob Hamilton & Les Constable Having moved The Posthouse to its new premises, the official inauguration took place the other Saturday and many old and prospective clients of Jilly and Annelise came to sample the nibbles and cava and see what the new Posthouse has to offer.Pictured left are the aforesaid with some of their clients celebrating the opening. Jilly told your reporter “It’s been a really succesful day and we’re so pleased to meet so many of our clients. We hope they’ll take full advantage of the services we offer...Hic” Yes, there was a lot of cava! The new Posthouse offers a full range of useful services including Avon cosmetics and printer cartridges along with the normal mail boxes, so get down and check it out and don’t forget - get your Christmas packages for the U.K. packed and down there pronto!

Jornadas de las Puertas Abiertas in Medina Sidonia

This festival lasts for several days, from 6th - 11th December to coincide with Constitution Day and the Feast of the Immaculate. The journey around the town consists of the Route of the Monuments, Patios Road and Exhibition Road and in addition. street markets and activities for all ages are scattered about the area. The route of the monuments include the churches, convents, the Roman archaeological site and Roman Road. In 2007 (as a novelty) the ruins of the Castle of Medina-Sidonia, in its first phase of restoration, was opened to the public and this guided tour is accompanied by explanations of archaeological activities and discoveries. The route of the Patios visits about 25 private properties between neighboring houses and courtyards and catering establishments. On this journey you can see houses, with typical Andalusian patios, with ornate interior courtyards(some of which are museums in themselves) or patios restored down to the smallest detail to preserve their originality. Well worth the trip up the hill to assimilate such culture.

On 9th December, the Azahar Costa hosts a Christmas Dinner Dance with the Salsa Group “Tabu” and an English DJ providing music for dancing with a raffle for Happy Endings, tombola for Age Concern and a 3 course meal all included in the ticket price of 18 euros for adults and 12 euros for children under 12. Tickets are on sale now - call 658 307 518.


A round-up of what’s occuring in the area in support of charity organisations and other stuff of local interest There’s a Christmas Concert on Sunday 11th December at Azahar Costa - Chiclana. Doors open at 5.30 - concert to start at 6pm. All proceeds go to the AECC - Chiclana branch. 5€ per person.Come along for a cheerful evening with lovely Christmas music. Tickets available in advance from Carol Beven - 630 928 644 or bevenpca@hotmail.com There’s a CHRISTMAS FAYRE on Saturday 17th December at Nº3,Carril de los Mirlos KM 17 on the N340 (Behind the Go Kart track in El Colorado). A Main attraction will be Lee Dean singing Christmas songs and carols. There’ll be Mulled wine and Mince Pies, a raffle, tea, coffee and cakes and bar snacks. Christmas stalls welcome – contact Maggie 956 493 237 or 659 354 350. Come and join the fun and help Animales de Andalucia with their rehoming of 300 dogs a year.

150 walkers dressed in pink bras, flowery bras, grass skirts and pink wigs descended on Barrosa on Sunday 16th October to take part in the first El Paseo de la Luz and we hope the first of many, judging by the support it received from both the Spanish and British communities. The day was perfect with everyone having made a great effort in decorating their Bras and getting into the spirit of things. The 150 walkers were either doing a 5km or 10km charity walk. We had a wonderful uplifting 'Zumba' warm-up from Vicky before we left Barrosa Plaza and she was there when we returned holding a 'Zumba' class for all the supporters of the day and for some of the walkers who still had energy to dance when they returned. The day had a serious side . as October was 'Breast Cancer Awareness Month' that is exactly what we were doing. The 3 aims of the day were- to raise awareness of cancer and how treatable it can be when diagnosed early. To raise funds for the AECC who support research andsupport families affected by cancer. To get fit - which can reduce the chances of cancer. A big thank you to all who gave their time to support the day by either organising the event or taking part in the charity walk. The sum raised so far is 1960 euros.Can we top that next year?Irene A MESSAGE FROM OLGA..We are delighted to invite you & your family to our Annual Christmas Party. We want to show our appreciation to all of our customers, friends, neighbors and local businesses for their continuous support to our Charity for Abandoned Animals. We will open our regular “flea market” at 54 Marquesado Rd. at 10 am. At 12:30 pm, we will move across the street to “Venta El Pino”, to enjoy a bit of good music and dance. We will have the performance of our favorite artist, Lee Dean. We will also have a Spanish clown for the kids and a Spanish duet singing typical Andalusian Xmas carols. Also, do not miss the Raffle Prizes, this year we have quite good ones, for all ages! Look for the Prize list on this issue. Where? : Venta “El Pino” (up the road from Lichfield’s) When? December 11th, 2011 Time:12:30 Need more info? Please, contact Olga Fernandez-Flygare at 669-101157 or olgarsa257@hotmail.com.

Don’t forget - we’re happy to include your community

or charity event in this listing FREE OF CHARGE. Let everyone know what’s occuring and encourage support.


Power Roller Exerciser (with instructions) 10 Euros Telephone 956497648 Roof Bars for Renault Scenic 2002-2003 (with instructions) 20 Euros Telephone 956497648 Childs Car Seat - Concord fixmax. Suitable child from 9months to 12 years (9-36 kilos) (full instructions) only used twice New Condition 45 Euros Telephone 956497648 Snowboard - Burton Clash 161 in blue graphics complete with blue standard bindings and padded travel bag. Ready for the coming season (Sierra Nevada only 4hrs drive away is covered with white stuff) 185€. Pair of size 42 (uk 8) Burton Ruler snowboard boots blue/white/gray 35€ . Call Steve on 679195027 Childs bike full suspension orange very good condition ideal xmas present 75€ Swimming pool cover 10 x 5 . /Unused .Very good condition with elasticated ties blue rubber/pvc 150€ call 667745359 Room to rent in El Marquesado area. Couples or females only please. For more information and full details, ring 956 405 863. Child’s car seat. Bought new and used 3 months by my grandchild in 2007, it is suitable for infant up to 18 kg (instruction booklet included) 50€. Also, a baby stroller in great condition. 35€. - Contact Anne: 956 444 194 or 680 556 332 PRAMAC 6500 Diesel Generator. Yanmar Diesel Motor (7.4 HP). Mecc Alte Spa Alternator (4.36 kW) On wheels. Key start. Bought in Jan 2007 and used until July. Only been used occasionally as a reserve generator. Great generator; produces all the power you'll need to run your equipment or entire house. Fuel efficent and low maintenance. Bought for 2050 euros and only used for six months. First 1000 euros gets it. Contact Bob Hamilton on 678 511 087 or baker.hamilton@gmail for more information. DVDs -special extended editions. “The Fellowship of the Ring”, “The Two Towers” & “The Return of the King Lord of the Rings Symphony”. All boxed and in mint condition.Also special collectors edition of “Creating Golum”. Mint & boxed. condition. 4€ each or 20€ for the lot. Telephone 600 88 38 39 All proceeds to Happy Ending-Final Feliz Canon Digital camera EOS 1000 D Kit Including:Zoom lens EF-S18-55mm, Wide strap, Battery, Battery charger, Interface , able, Video cable. 400 euros. Tel: 662 544 265 Two orange sofas. 2 seater & 3 seater. Delivery can be arranged. They are being safely stored in El Burrueco, but we now need the room, hence the much reduced price. Would be good for a holiday let etc. Margarita on 617 099 706. All proceeds to Happy Ending-Final Feliz Ford Ranger Pick Up. 2002. Low mileage. White. Tow bar. Needs ITV. 3600 euro ono. Or part ex for smaller with tow bar. Phone 616 786 674. Shower Screen 70cm x 135 cms 15 Euros Telephone 956497648


Right Ho--Here’s the Advertisers’ Directory It’s our own version of Yellow Pages and we’ve tried to put things under their appropriate headings as best we can. ANIMALS & PETS

Avila Vet Final Feliz Medina Sidonia Kennels Posh Pets K9 Grooming

BARS &

FURNITURE

El Mueble Rustico

956 402 972 617 099 706 956 233 468 GARDEN SERVICES 952 597 035 Clemente 634 336 788 666 208 741 Philip Lafferty 674 506 069 Plot 66 638 743 623 Sueno Andaluz 956 498 502 RESTAURANTS 956 409 578 Pools & GardensYour Way 670 429 406

Al Compas Bar Nero’s Bar Oasis Casa Blas Di Bocca di Bocca El Coliseo La Vista de Medina Meson de las Americas Wok Chinese Buffet Libre

616 280 408 620 570 460 956 239 019 687 303 972 956 407 976 646 489 06 610 898 851 956 495 536

BUILDING & MAINTENANCE

Clemente Geoff Chiclana M & S Maintenance Property Care SH Construcciones Spanish Builders Steve Sueno Andaluz U:K: Building Services

HEALTH & BEAUTY

Barefoot & Beautiful Dental Anglada Dr Kate Walsh (GP) Dr Jover Hernando (Opthalmologist) Jens (Physiotherapist) Kombucheria Health Shop Lola del Rio Naturavid Optica Barbado Scootercuts Steve (Keep Fit)

POOL MAINTENANCE

Clear Water Pools European Services Philip Pools & Gardens Your Way Sueno Andaluz

CARPENTRY

PROPERTY LETTING

JEWELLERY & CLOTHING

Blevins Frannks I Stand By You 678 745 025 LHD Autos 610 870 390

952 809 212 TRANSLATION 659 293 766 956 495 388 Gloria Martin DeWitte

636 603 862 Active Language Instituto Internacional de Idiomas LEGAL SERVICES COMMUNICATIONS 956 534 036 La Alternativa 956 531 347 Sonia M.G iron Pacheo Temple Cambria 617 073 669 TV/SATELLITE

COMPUTER SERVICES

800 885 081 658 307 518

FOODSTUFFS

Creative Cakes German Butcher Litchfields Monopoly

956 230 841 956 400 055 661 971 462 956 531 342

Colour Vision Steve Harris

628 147 489 678 128 757 956 221 426 856 922 595

SERVICES

956 494 415 679 195 027

956 141 876 PLEASE NOTE: 693 737 211 Many of these advertisers have more than one contact number - see their ads 647 3090 596 for additional ones. Inclusion in this directory does not imply a recommendation by us, although we are METALWORKING Cerrajeria El Tarifa 956 498 820 not aware of the inclusion of any naughty or nasty people. This directory listing is not intended to reMOTORING place the rest of the magazone, so don’t Fred Stephen Mechanic 689 338 998 just tear this page out and chuck the rest LHD Autos 956 495 388 away.

Int Golf Academy Cortijo Calinka 956 412 156 La Patina 667 227 532 679 195 027

ELECTRICAL

Property Care Robert Wood Steve Harris

LEISURE AND SPORTS

SERVICES

TUITION

680 958 785 Julie’s Sewing Svcs

At Your Service Colin Wood

658 382 237 956 233 219 674 506 069 670 429 406 956 498 502

634 336 788 616 786 674 673 425 603 956 412 156 647 466 295 SOLAR ENERGY 647 070 193 HOUSEHOLD & FURNISHING Andaluz Solar 678 511 087 610 880 486 El Mueble Rustico 956 452402 956 498 502 Julie’s Sewing Services 636 603 862 T-SHIRT PRINTING 633 344 280 Graffiti 678 745 025

INSURANCE & FINANCE

Steve

680 706 481 956 412 156

697 354 130 & MANAGEMENT 956 1010 51 CadizCasa 956 495 177 678 672 210 Casita Limonares Chalet 678 745 025 Clear Sky 670 405 163 956 313 555 M & S Maintenance 673 425 603 626 471 829 Skyline Costa Luz 606 256 572 956 451780 Sueno Andaluz 956 498 502 956 53 08 07 956 445 239 RELIGIOUS MATTERS 956 402 600 648 148 600 678 262 658 A.N.C.F. 618 422 720

BUSINESS SERVICES, PRINTING & PUBLICITY

Graffiti The Post House

PLUMBING & GAS

956 452402 Graeme Claytor Property Care



December Baywatch