THE ORANGE HELPER A short guide to using your Map to Freedom
Welcome to the My Map to Freedom experience â€“ how to live unleashed and alive! Maybe, like me, you have spent most of your life driven by a deep inner restlessness, a sense that there must be more to life than you are currently experiencing? Or maybe a feeling that something is missing and is just starting to make its presence felt? Whether this inner restlessness is new or age old, I want to honour the part of you that has recognised something is not quite right, and that you have taken your first steps on this exciting journey to discover what this missing ingredient might be. No matter what our external circumstances, whether we are aware of it or not, this inner restlessness drives us all. Even those of us who are aware and sense that something is missing find it diffcult to define what it is. And because of this we go after what we think we want.
Our conditioning teaches us that the restlessness we feel will go away if our external fortunes improve. So we hunt for the perfect relationship, the new car, the new house and whilst that might make the restlessness go away for a while, eventually the feeling comes back. So what is it you are really looking for? When you can find the space to inquire, you will find that what you really want is to feel fully alive in each and every moment, and if you inquire further you will discover that the only way to feel the aliveness you seek is by being the real you. What you are looking for does not exist on the outside. Freedom is an inside job.
Whilst we humans are remarkable creatures we have some basic limitations and the most prevalent is our need to create ways of acting, or behaving that enable us to cope with the challenges of daily life. These ways of coping stop you from being the real you and rob you of a life of happiness. Whilst these coping strategies are useful for keeping you comfortable, they become habits of closure and defensiveness that rob you of living a life of authenticity and spontaneity.
Your map allows you to see the light and shade of your nature in one place and helps focus your concentration by acting as a container for all that you are.
Recognising these habitual patterns of the personality is key to living your life as your true self and involves making ongoing conscious efforts to observe yourself and your patterns of closure.
As you work with your map you will come to see the nature of your self-created prison by understanding the walls you have built around your true self. The walls that were built for self preservation and self protection are now robbing you of feeling alive.
However, the challenge of observing the self is very real. In a world where we are perpetually in motion it is difficult to find the space to see what is right in front of us. (Or what is right inside us). We find ourselves overwhelmed and overworked, and tired and stressed people do not have the time, space or motivation to observe the self. It is much easier to return to our familiar distractions and bide our time until the restlessness goes away. It was out of this modern day and largely western problem that the need for a device that could help us observe our thoughts and behaviours in actions emerged. Your map is the answer.
The aim of your map is to bring awareness to the day-to-day dealings of your personality and show you the way back to your true self, filling the gap that is missing in your life and bringing you the aliveness that you long for.
Your map is a visual tool that puts distance between you and your layers of thought and behaviour enabling you to observe your thoughts and feelings in action. Your map aims to do two things; â€˘ Allow you to develop objective awareness and understanding about you and your life. â€˘ Act as an entry point for a daily practice of self observation called The R.E.S.T. Process.
THE LAYERS OF THE MAP The diagrammatic version of your map shown on the next page points to a tantalising truthâ€Ś namely that we are so much more than we think we are. Most of us think of our personality as the full extent of who we are, but the diagram on the next page points to the possibility that your personality is only one part of a much wider range of potential that exists in us all. The Layers of the map The Outer Layer - Details your personality traits. The ways you act and behave in the world and the ways people know you as you. The Second Layer - Details your thoughts. The ways you think about yourself and the ways you act in the world. The Third Layer - Details your needs, emotions and fears. This space on the map (comprised largely of blank space) shows your primary needs, emotions and fears.
The Center Space - Details your true self. The part of you that is a vast, largely unrecognised quality of being that has been encased in layers of protection and for the most part forgotten. That core part of your being is quite simply known as your true self. Most of us have had glimpses of our true self, for example in times of exquisite peace or happiness, but they have been fewer than we would like because our awareness is so dominated by the dayto-day dealings of our personality. Reconnecting with your true self or the real you is the ultimate work of the map, because it is this aspect of yourself that will bring you the freedom, joy and peace that you seek. This short guide will help you navigate the outer layer of the map.
There is much more to know about the other layers of the map but this brief introduction will get you started and help you decide if working with the map is something you would like to understand in greater depth. So with that firmly in mind, read the description of the outer layer of the ORANGE HELPER and notice what it explains about you and the way you live your life.
THE OUTER LAYER: YOUR PERSONALITY & DESIRE FOR LOVE
As an Orange Helper, your central towards value is love. You believe that if you are helpful you will be happy. The ways that you ensure that people will love you is by being seen as appealing, giving, caring and heartfelt and it is important to you that you are needed. The drive to win othersâ€™ affections by being considered important and appreciated for your efforts is a way of obtaining support without having to ask for it. You want to be liked and are always ready with an easy smile, helpful advice, or a friendly compliment. Relationship orientated, you reach out to others and are often the first one to lend a hand. You see yourself as approachable, nurturing and thoughtful. You would like others to see you as empathetic, supportive and altruistic. Your idealised image is that you are a loving and helpful person. You have a warm, sociable and enthusiastic personality and you are naturally practiced in the art of using positive communication to create rapport. Your natural strength is your genuine ability to listen to others, empathise with their feelings and meet their needs.
A good listener, you focus on the needs and concerns of others. You usually know what people need and feel, and enjoy taking on the kind of role where you can show your giving and generous nature. You have developed the gift of flattery to the level of an art form because you see how this skill can be a currency for creating intimate rapport. Secretly, you can feel needy and vulnerable, feeling that you must earn the right to be loved. Avoiding a deep sense of loneliness, you find ways to connect to and be of service to others. You have an innate sense of what to say or do to make people feel seen and admired, and can be very diplomatic and skilled when it comes to delivering messages in ways that people can hear. Like a fairy godmother or godfather, you like to do special things for people and surprise them with unexpected gifts. You take note of othersâ€™ desires and try to fulfil them. You take pride in your ability to comfort and support others. Your superpower though, is that you can be an excellent friend and will often go to great lengths to take care of and support those you love. Always ready to be helpful, others often depend on you. You have innate people skills and value interpersonal relationships above all else. Your extraordinary insight about what people need, and your ability to create mutual trust and affinity, are rare gifts. You love to be instrumental in helping others achieve their full potential.
THE OUTER LAYER: YOUR PERSONALITY & AVOIDANCE OF BEING UNLOVEABLE
As an Orange Helper, your central away from value is being unloved. You believe that if you are not loved you will be unhappy. Because of this your weaknesses and negative tendencies are related to the ways you ensure you always remain liked. Because of your unconscious fear of being unloved, you will often believe that you are the only one who sees and can give people what they need. This aspect of your personality leads to self-inflation, a form of pride. Though you might not realise it this pride masks the fact that you may give to people with strings attached. When you offer unsolicited advice or give compulsively, others may perceive you as bossy, overly demonstrative or manipulative. In an effort to have your needs met, you may promise more than you can deliver or deliver more than you promise. Unconsciously, you may feel needy and want to be taken care of by others and can become emotional, sullen or overly dramatic, suffering from psychosomatic illnesses. Whilst you are friendly, upbeat and want to be considered a ‘special’ friend you can get in your own way by over doing your focus on shape shifting to please others.
Skilled at going out of your way to notice what is needed you feel motivated when others acknowledge your efforts and express their appreciation, but you can be so focused on others that you don’t pay attention to your own unmet needs and feelings. You avoid appearing needy or useless and feel that to have your needs met by others, you must meet their needs first. Because you can’t help imagining that people are as sensitive to criticism as you are you may sugar-coat or shade the truth out of fear of hurting someone. At other times your cheeriness can feel false as it functions as an overcompensation to mask sadness, resentment or disappointment. Secretly, you fear being ignored and don’t want to feel left out, or be seen as inconsequential. To be liked, you avoid saying or doing anything that is offputting or unflattering. You feel much more comfortable giving than receiving. To let yourself receive, you would have to express your own desires, which makes you feel vulnerable. Focused on the needs of others, you may repress your own needs and feel taken for granted. Because you consider yourself to be indispensable, your vice is arrogance. Whilst you may believe that your giving nature is unconditional, if you dig deep enough you will discover that you have a habit of strategic giving. Giving to make people feel indebted to you.
THE R.E.S.T. PROCESS Now here is the exciting part! Your map is more than just a description of who you are. Your map can be used as a tool to help you transform your life! The real journey of the map lies in using your map alongside The R.E.S.T Process as a daily practice. The R.E.S.T. Process is designed to help you, step by step to unpack the ways you create and maintain your patterns of closure, and point you into a deeper experience of who you were prior to the development of your personality. It aims to shine a light on the coping mechanisms that have become your prison and give you the choice of regaining your freedom to engage creatively and consciously in the world. The R.E.S.T. Process is the practice of paying attention to and studying your habitual response patterns so that you can do the work of understanding them, working with them and eventually transforming them. Some describe the R.E.S.T. Process as a spiritual endeavor, some as a reflective process, others as a process of understanding and transformation.
However, you choose to describe it, it begins and ends with the idea that in order for you to find what is missing in your life you first need to know how you operate in the world. One of your deepest patterns is the false belief that you already know yourself well enough to understand why you think feel and act the way you do. Be assured that you do not. The R.E.S.T. Process follows the layers of the map and the letters stand for: R = Recognise your traits E = Explore your thoughts S = Surface hidden needs and emotions T = Transform through connection with true self This guide will focus on the first part of the R.E.S.T. Process ‘Recognise your traits’. As a starting point it will bring you significant awareness but if you wish to take the whole journey to freedom then the remainder of the R.E.S.T. Process can be found in the book ‘How to live Unleashed and Alive.’
USING YOUR MAP The journey back to you happens when you use your map alongside The R.E.S.T. Process. Before we dive into the R.E.S.T. Process let’s look at some map basics:
POSITIONING It is important to have your map open in front of you as you work through the R.E.S.T. Process because: Seeing You are learning to become a witness to your own habitual patterns. Your map allows you to see the light and shadow parts of your nature in one place and helps focus your concentration by providing a container for all that you are. As you work with your map you will see connections patterns and recurring themes with a new perspective and awareness.
Listening Working with your map is a form of deep listening. Through questioning, listening and acknowledging you will become an explorer, charting territory both strange and familiar. In each encounter with your map you will listen for the new and the steadfast, bring back learning and resolutions and listen for the wisdom they hold. Working with the map enables you to be playful with the unconscious and to let things come up to the surface as you gaze. The R.E.S.T. Process works in the same way as hearing a piece of music, seeing a painting or watching a movie. It is beyond the cognitive mind, the things you are aware of, and works directly with the unconscious. This brings unexpected epiphanies, ‘aha!’ moments and connections into your awareness that allow you to see and understand yourself and your experiences more clearly.
Sensing By keeping your map visible it allows you to sense who you are outside of the confines of your personality. It visually shows you the prison you are in and allows you to directly experience the wild spaciousness represented by the white space in the centre of each map. Your map is like an exercise machine - through keeping it visible and doing the work you will develop your life.
FREQUENCY & TIMING Most people find that they visit their map once a day. Usually the evenings are more effective than the mornings because the daily activity of the personality has presented a lot of material to work with! Some people prefer to visit their map once a week and look at the broad themes that have presented themselves. The important thing here is not to make this another ‘should’ on your long list of ‘shoulds.’ Visit when you can. Obviously the more you visit the more you will learn, but there is no hurry.
FOCUS When you work with the R.E.S.T. Process the starting point is ALWAYS ‘What am I struggling with?’ This is because your daily struggles are a gateway to your true self, the real you. They show you precisely how you forget your real self and they show the precise ways that you sleepwalk through your life. Once you understand how you fall asleep it is much easier to wake up!
SPACE & TIME The key to working with the questions is to take them slowly. When answering, close your eyes, be still and go deeply as you contemplate. The work stops the moment you stop answering the questions. You will get the most out of the process if you go as deep as you can with each question, not moving to the next question until you are truly ready. This means that you will need to have a quiet space and set aside some time. The full R.E.S.T. Process can take between 20 and 30 minutes, but taking a ‘Short R.E.S.T.’ can be done in as little as 60 seconds.
JOURNALING Journaling your visits to your map is a good idea. For those who enjoy journaling it has enabled them to record insights and notice patterns over a period of time. One word of advice though. If you are going to use a journal it is better to wait until you have completed the whole R.E.S.T. Process before you begin to write (no matter how big the revelation!) The reason for this is that the R.E.S.T. Process is a continuous stream of awareness from the unconscious mind where one awareness flows into the next. Journaling is a largely conscious process and as such can break the stream of unconscious unfolding, robbing you of the fullness of your visit.
THE R.E.S.T. PROCESS:
RECOGNISE YOUR TRAITS Before sitting down with your map and journal you first need to recall some aspect of your day or your life that you are struggling with and would like freedom from. The things you struggle with in your day-to-day life are the perfect gateway to connecting with your true self, the real you. You can choose something you have noticed that day, or something you have been struggling with for a while.
• Hiding from the world. • Fighting about what to eat or how much to eat. • Challenging children. • Having a difficult conversation. • Difficulty asking for what you want. • Getting into arguments about who is right. • Difficulty with forgiveness. • Being dishonest to get what you want from others. • Feeling unsafe around people who are no threat. ANY STRUGGLE WILL DO! When you have found something you are struggling with sit with your map in front of you and give yourself time to settle by focusing on your breath.
The ways you cope with your everyday struggles point clearly and precisely to the ways that you wander away from yourself because your daily struggles trigger your defensive and conditioned ways of behaving that rob you of your freedom. Once you understand the ways you wander away from your true self, it is much easier to find your way back. AWARENESS IS THE KEY.
Focusing your awareness on the outer layer of your map ask yourself these ’R’ questions:
Here are some examples of daily struggles that could be taken into a visit to the map:
• How does this trait limit me?
• Finding it difficult to ask for help. • Needing more money. • Not liking the way you look. • Worrying about what others think of you. • The need to people please. • Blaming others.
• How am I handling this limitation or challenge? Specifically, which trait/s do I notice? • What does this trait/s help me avoid doing, saying or feeling in relation to this challenge?
Allow yourself time for the answers to arise. The objective with these questions is to begin to notice how your traits are habits of defensiveness and closure that are robbing you of your freedom. This awareness may take time to arrive. It may take a few visits to your map before you begin to see, but there is no hurry.
CONGRATULATIONS You are one of the rare few who have taken these first steps on the journey to freedom and I can’t wait for you to find out how much more there is to know and understand about the map, the R.E.S.T. Process and yourself. If this brief guide has intrigued you and you are curious to explore further, then I have a question for you. Going forward how would you like to use your map? Would you like to… • Learn how to use the map to • be more unleashed and alive • free yourself of your limiting and self destructive habits • finally find what is missing in your life? Then the book ‘How to Live Unleashed and Alive’ is for you. • Use the map with coaching clients as a highly effective, visual framework that specifically points them towards their own, authentic self, reveals their unique barriers and shows how to dissolve them? Then the book “How to Live Unleashed and Alive’ with a full set of folding maps might be your next step? • Own a printed copy of your map in your preferred colour and format and see the many ways you can display it? (see the link opposite.)
mymaptofreedom.com/various-map-uses However you decide to use your map I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for journeying with us. I know that My Map to Freedom can help you you find the freedom you seek and I am honoured to welcome you to the growing community of explorers that are using their maps to radically change their lives. Hoping that one day our paths may cross. Jane