It’s Not Me It’s You by Sarah Butler
WORK
WORK
Embarking on what has seemed like a stint of brutal exhibitionism has proved tough. I have found myself at the epicentre of application turmoil, engaged in a nearly entirely one-way correspondence in the hopes of securing a placement. Intern prospects first appearing dense with opportunity have each slowly fallen away to apologetic offerings of “it’s just not the right time” – that is, if a response is given at all. The process has been gruelling, however, it has already taught me more about the industry than the entire second year of my degree. Although not quite yet under the wing of creative professionalism*, the experiences have embedded some pretty strong notions of perseverance, assertion, and self-support. Chasing applications thrust into my hands fully accounts for the way I take action. Naiveties towards securing design work were quickly stubbed, revealing the effort and awkwardness of trying to push your work — often to people so practiced in an unbothered veneer. By getting re-jected (a lot), I came to view closed doors as simply “not meant to be”, rather than a direct personal attack threatening to place me in a mental stupor for days on end. The beginning saw verbal or written rejections as entirely immobilising, however, my continual lack of success did, in fact, teach me some pretty vital lessons in resilience.
Instead of perceiving rejected works as unworthy, I learned to see them as just not the right fit 18
19 Rejection no longer tied directly to my self-worth as a designer, these missed opportunities could now motivate the development of my practice. Questioning why I was applying to certain places helped make me realise my fall down; yes, these studios aligned with my career objectives, however, was I bringing their same production level to the table? Often not. Instead of punishing myself for a studio’s lack of interest, I learnt from their project approach, injecting energy into building up my own work. Thinking this way has helped lessen heavy waves of success related self-loathing, which are known to cripple any ounce of remaining creativity. The reaction to admit defeat, although a protective instinct, proves highly unhelpful and a pretty severe inconvenience when you’re trying to get stuff done. As someone who struggles with their mental wellbeing, I have found the importance of laying off the pressure, and just giving myself a break during the process. Building the courage to communicate directly with studios can prove draining, but easing up on self-inflicted pressure can open up far more creative energy. Knowing which days to leave to online research and which to dedicate to phone calls has allowed me to cultivate a real confidence in correspondence. Truthfully I’ve never felt more vulnerable as a designer, (nor ques-tioned my existence to this extent) but these experiences have been invaluable in thickening a previously pretty frail creative skin. * Author persevered, returning from a 2 month Internship in Berlin at time of publication.
WAYS OF WORKING
WAYS OF WORKING