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Dating

Westerners tips for the of the

New Rich

Developing World

Simple English Version

by

Richard Meros LAWRENCE & GIBSON • WELLINGTON


Contents of Dating Westerners Foreword 7 Beginnings 13 Why 39 Where 61 How 113 Common questions

133

Concluding 151


Foreword

by Ahmed Suderban

(a newly rich resident of the developing world) First I would like to thank Mr Meros for his study into the mind of the Westerner produced for the the new rich, and for those wishing to be rich, from the developing world. I have dated five Westerners. With the money of my family matched by Meros’ book I expect to date many more. Once, I lived amongst Western people. I was a student in London. I studied Westerner’s mating rituals. In my time in the West I did not find one date who could say what they wanted without shame. Western couples meet, breed and then part in a poor process. I think that their success also includes failures. I have three questions that I would like answered: (i) Why do men not telephone women at the date and time at which they have agreed? (ii) Why do women first like a man and then not like him? (iii) Why do people use slippery words when they want to say: ‘I like you and would like to spend more time with you’, or ‘I find you attractive, and not just the shape of your body, and would enjoy making love with you’? I did not find the exact answers to these questions in Dating Westerners. But I did get some good ideas. For example, the author of this book said some Westerners would prefer to be wrong with friends rather than right without friends. This is what Westerners are like! For example, when a sober man likes a woman he can not say so until he learns that the woman also finds the man to be nice. This is no good. We must risk things. The man who succeeds will be he who risks shame. But is rewarding the loudest good


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Dating Westerners

for a culture? There needs to be a choice for the Westerner who is shy. I will use popular sayings to express my points. In English they say ‘two wrongs do not make a right’. Let us test this saying in the real life. You are a nice Western man in a place that serves alcohol. You hope a nice woman will smile at you. This does not happen. This is the first wrong: shyness. This is not good. How does the Western woman act? Is she motivated by a shy man? No, she goes home. I am reminded of another popular idiom: ‘an eye for an eye’. This approach is also not good. I recommend this attitude be replaced by ‘a lip for a lip’. Love in other cultures is not the same as in these Christian sayings. In some other cultures there are sayings, which I will roughly translate, that express the opposite universal truth to those held to be true in the West. For example, in my home country we say ‘if a man offends you respond in kind but at faster and harder so that he sees he cannot beat the better man’. The later might be translated into the English saying ‘a stitch in time saves nine’. But in my country this saying is used to praise the brave, not to instruct in caution. These popular sayings have been introduced because I enjoy sayings. Popular sayings tell a visitor a lot about a culture. But also, most cultures have sayings that argue against themselves. What are we to think of a people who, in the morning, speak about a bird in the hand being worth more than two in the bush but also, in the afternoon, say ‘nothing ventured, nothing gained’? No society is made of pure good sense. I will try to make some good sense. My first advice to the Westerner: after your date has had time to see you as the person you are, tell them in direct and simple words what you want. They will likely agree. If this leaves you feeling some shame, you will also feel good at being truthful. I do not lie. My second advice suggests respect to the person who has said


tips for the new rich of the developing world

5

‘no’ to the offer of a date. Do not insult them or take back your offer. This is as good for the business of love as it is for the business of business. Some Westerners may not listen to my final advice. Your error is drinking to much before you date. Drunk people are ugly and I can only understand the will to drink as a will to death. But is there some other reason why the Westerner drinks a lot of alcohol? Perhaps he needs to feel numb allow him to dance? But to me the drunk is not a good dancer - he only thinks that he is. This dance of a drunk is only nice to others who are drunk enough not to notice the drunk’s ugliness. The drunks become lovers. Also, the teetotaler dates the teetotaler, because neither is as ugly as the drunk. But where is the love in this? It has been lost to fear and error. So there you have it: in those questions I offer the start of Dating the new rich of the developing world: a guide for Westerners by a new rich of the devloping world. My purpose has not been to show that the West is dumb and the East is best. No. I only want to show that the West is as lost as the rest of the world. With this shared idea, I hope that our young people come together in dating. If my words have lacked the Eastern power of Buddhism and Confucianism forgive me. They are what they are. I hope these ideas find you well, Mr Meros. Kind regards, Ahmed Suderban


Beginnings Many people think that the best thing about globalisation is the trade of goods and services. Do not get me wrong: I enjoy the smell of a factory as much as the next man. But I also realize that in thinking about the new world order too much time has been spent on goods, and too little on love. The book you hold, while itself made in a factory, will divert some thought from trade and onto romance. People have dated Westerners for many years. The best and most beautiful of less developed countries immigrate to the developed countries. A lot of money makes up for ugly. In the twenty first century the East is becoming more open and more wealthy; these countries once protected their independence. In the West poverty is growing. At the same time as these changes in power and money, English is now the world language of trade and fun. Advances in comms has meant you can talk to the world for low per minute prices. It has become simpler to cross all sorts of borders. For example, fifty years ago, international love travelled at the speed of a postman. Today it can be as quick as a mouse click. But before the speed of the world becomes too much, I will define an old word: love. Love is the risking of intimate communication between two sentient beings. Is this too hard? Is the language too tricky? Maybe. So let us look at three other definitions of love: J. Ortega y Gassett: “Love, being a gossamer of such delicate woof.”; Plato: “Love is a desire for generation and birth in beauty.” Shakespeare: “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes; Being vexed, a sea nour-


tips for the new rich of the developing world

7

A selection of books on love consulted by the author and his research team.

ished with loving tears.” This final one is entertaining, but is the worst of the four. My definition is better. But isn’t the world already that melting pot? No: though Othello and Desdemona were a couple many years ago, they are not normal. Mix a German and a French woman and you’ve probably got no problem. But we must look beyond. Or as Peter Sloterdijk wrote: “most roads do not lead to Rome - that is the situation, European: recognize it!” Lovers of Westerners may be impatient. They will have questions. I will not waste time. But I will also not ignore the fine points that might seem minor. Most brush these issues off as if they are errors. Not so! There is method in their madness.

Dating What does it mean to date someone? Or what does it mean to a Westerner to be dating? There is little evidence on the origins of the word ‘date’, but there is little doubt as to what it ‘dating’ means today. In the West dating means spending time with someone as well as having sex. If you are having regular, consensual sex with a girl or boy then you are ‘dating’ them. Let’s look at two big issues: Christians and consent. Not all girls from Western countries have sex with people they are dating. Christians may refuse to sleep with you until you are


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Dating Westerners

married to them. These old ways of living are not part of the modern West and will be dealt with quickly. To start: when trying to date a Westerner do ask if they are Christian. If they say ‘yes’ ask them if they believe that the Bible, including the Old Testament, (specifically Leviticus) is the one law and truth. If they say ‘yes’ then the fun is over. Perhaps you might play sport with them instead? It is very hard, and not worth the trouble, to sleep with a real Christian. You might as well be trying to bed an Orthodox Jew, a fundamentalist Muslim or a devout Hare Krishna. Experts at dating Westerners may enjoy the challenge of dating a real Christian. That said, this book is no more than an guide for the beginner. Consent is also important for dating. Consent means that the other person wants to date you and has told you this. Consent must be given freely and fully between two adults. If your culture does not fully value women as adults, the idea of consent may be hard to explain. I will try. Some daters will force consent. This fake consent will not save you from the law. If you make anyone date through threats then you are not dating. Some men trick themselves into thinking they have consent when they have used coercion. These men should think harder about their actions and should approach dating with a clearer mind.

Westerners I use the term ‘Westerners’ to mean a person from ‘the West’ who can laugh at his or her self and who will often do so to show they are relaxed with criticism. This play is a weak disguise because real criticism of the Westerner is not welcome. Comedy is the tool used by Westerners to deal with the contrast between their excesses and their nice beliefs. Westerners did not invent laughing at themselves. The new thing added by the West is the match of laughing at themselves with an urge to be a good person. This ‘urge to be good’ is at the


tips for the new rich of the developing world

9

How far west is a Westerner? A map “NORTH”

“WEST”

“EAST” AUS

“SOUTH”

The English speakers: New Zealand, Australia, Canada, USA, UK and Ireland. Close: Dutch, Swedish, West Germans

D

to

DA

UK & IREL A N

NZ

LEAST

CANA

USA

MOST

centre of the mind of the English-speaking world. Some people think that this is a response to all the bad things England and America have done to other places over the last three hundred years. This book considers Westerners as those who speak English and are from New Zealand, Canada, Australia, the United Kingdom and Ireland, and the United States of America. There are plenty of other humans who are Westerners but including them makes the book not good. There are many people who live in Europe who are like Westerners, but have become this way due to globalisation. Here I am thinking of the Dutch and the West Germans. The mind of Westerners will be looked at in a part of this book titled ‘How’. There the Western mind will be seperated from the body. Do not skip ahead: the book is science and those too fast will only hurt themselves. Now I want to say some more things about Christians. Dating Christians should be a whole other book. That topic is one that I, sadly, do not know. I guess that dating a real Christian involves a lot of work: your ideas will fight with their ideals and maybe you will not date them. Good news: many ‘Christians’ do not actually believe. These ‘Christians’ think the ideas in the bible are good to follow, but not 100% true. You may date them.

Others: French, Spanish, other Scandinavians, other Europeans. Other others: Mexicans, Russians, all albinos, Israelis, Rhodesians.


10

Western Men

Dating Westerners

To some people it may look like this book only wants to teach developing world men to date Western women. There are other times where this book discusses issues that developing world women will have with Western men. Why so few issues? Through history Western men have been much more likely to date the women of the developing world because men have been the people who have traveled out of the West. If women traveled they did so with men. Here are the most common past relationships of Western men to Eastern women: prostitution, patronage, slavery. Not all of these dates have been one sided for Western men. These are simply how Eastern women have begun contact with Western men. To know a man, Western or Eastern, you must know how a man talks about himself. In the West, real men are seen as those males who use their bodies to work. Men are farmers, factory workers or soldiers. It is more difficult for men who do paperwork to be seen as manly. Today there are less jobs on farms and in factories for Westerners. Western men are not sure of themselves any more. Women from the East can use these worries. For instance, you might praise his body and discuss his strength and say he is a winner. Do this even if you have more money than him. Western men may expect that women from the East will be more like traditional women than Western women are. When dating these men it is easiest to pretend that this is true. What can the developing world man learn from this study of Western Man? First, he should know that the Western man will see him as traditional and not a friend to women from the East. Developing world men will be at an advantage if they behave traditionally around their Western male friends. Then, as the Western man seeks to look like the nice man, accuse him of pushing European ways of living onto non-Europeans. Remind him of the history of his country. He will not be prepared. You will have your victory.


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Western Women Western women are not used to living alongside Eastern men. How do Eastern men know about these women? What does this teach them? TV shows Western women as available. Men from the East should be forgiven for seeing these women as without morals. But Eastern Men are forgiven they are still wrong. This error has ruined many dates between good men from the developing world and Western women. Developing nation men must listen! Your televisions are wrong. Western women may enjoy dating many different men, but they only occasionally do so for economic gain. Nor do Western women date because they are more erotic than women in your own countries. This is how it is in the West: women do not need to be virgins if they want to get married. This means that they are happy to date many different men and decide which is best for them. Why have Western women become so comfortable with free love? I believe that, again, the West’s lack of god has led us away from firm notions of what it means to be a man or a woman. This is, I tend to argue, a good thing. For the Eastern man, a Western woman ought to be treated like you would treat a male friend. You must date them because their minds interest you as much as their bodies. Or must you? Consider that many Western women like men from the East for representing the Western man’s lost masculinity. These women like some parts of traditional gender narratives that are now less common. This is called chivalry. The developing world man has two choices to appeal to the Western woman. He can show himself to be more masculine than the Western man, or he can also be less sexist than his Eastern countrymen. If he uses both options the Western woman will see him as smart in his own society, yet still as a manly type of man, which is becoming rare in the West.


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Dating Westerners

On Homosexuals There are many ways to date Westerners and who is the author to exclude same sex love? It is the author’s belief that those who have the skill needed to survive as the queer minority in a majority culture that does not accept them will also have the skill beyond that aimed for in this book. They are outside of the scope of this guidebook.

On tips If, in the context of this book, you don’t know what a tip is then you may need to date a Westerner to improve your English. If you do know what ‘tip’ means in the context of the title of this book, it is still possible that you don’t understand how the word ‘tip’ might be used in some other context or by someone who does not use words in a deliberately rational sense, such as a poet. The problem of knowing what ‘tip’ means is also an example of the difficulty in learning English: there are many meanings for ‘tip’. Throughout this book there are ‘English expander’ sections that will assist the reader in their quest to speak like a native. Few of the terms covered in the English expander have as many different meanings as ‘tip’. Let’s first explore what a tip might mean. In many of these examples the tip is a noun as well as a verb. Lets try some examples: (1) A tip is the end of some slender or tapering object. For example, the end of a pool cue is called the tip. (2) A tip is also a British terms for rubbish dump, based on the verb ‘tipping’ which means to overbalance or cause to overbalance so as to make something fall or turn over. For example, a bucket might be tipped into the tip. (3a) A final example is linked to the meaning of tip in this book: to give some practical advice. The money gift (3b) known as a tip


tips for the new rich of the developing world

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to

MOST

(baksheesh) fits in here. The mixing of races in dating a Westerner might be hard to begin, but once it has begun the mixing takes a life of its own. This concept is summed up in the notion of the ‘tipping point. The tipping point occurs when something takes a lot of effort to begin, but once a certain amount has been met, or a certain amount tipped out, the angle of the tipping device (for example a bucket) and the impetus of that which is tipped (for example, water) means that the object tips itself. Malcolm Gladwell’s writing about the tipping point is linked to dating Westerners. Despite his weak link to theory, his analysis gives optimism to people wishing for social change. The lack of real evidence of a tipping point is not the most important point: the point, or tip (see the first meaning), of my argument is that change requires optimism. Love also requires a little optimism: how can I ever know if she loves me as I love her: faith. And, in this crazy world of pushing rocks up hills, what is wrong with a little faith?

The Developing World: Number Ones: India, China. Others of the East: Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines, Vietnam.

LEAST

A little less east: Egypt, Iran, Kazakhstan, Turkey. Already Developed Easterners: Japan, Korea, Singapore, Taiwan.

WHAT IS IN A NAME? Throughout this book there are numerous words that refer to both ‘new rich’ and ‘developing world’. These words are meant to all mean the same thing and have been used to add diversity and rhythm to the book’s prose. The most common synonyms I have used are: NEW RICH: petit bourgeois, bourgeois, nouveau riche. DEVELOPING WORLD: east and south, the future, ghettoes.


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Dating Westerners

Why date a Westerner? I would be happy for every person who picks up this book to wish to date a Westerner. But this is not the truth. Some readers will only guess that Dating Westerners is for them. Others will be reading these pages as a curiosity. Others may be reading this book simply to review it for an airline magazine. The ideal reader is perhaps only one in five who pick it up The number of people dating Westerners is only going to rise unless there is mass global death. The reasons for dating Westerners will also rise. Below I list some of the big reasons:

Improving your English There comes a time in every student’s life when the cost of more education outweighs it’s benefits. This is a market truth. When the cost of education is higher than the value it will give it is also time for students to find a cheaper education. Dating a Westerner is the perfect step for any student of English to get free study. And while rich people do not need to save money, economic is never far from their minds. Even those people who want to date a Westerner but who consider that their English is already good will find benefit in spending time with a native speaker. For example, Westerners can teach you local sayings that will make you appear to be a native speaker. They will also fix your accent But at this point there is a problem: to date a Westerner you need to have good English. For example, if you have not mastered the basic skills that Westerners use to say nice things about Westerner’s bodies, the breast for instance, then getting a Westerner to date will be tough. But it is also difficult to perfect English unless you have already spent a lot of time around Westerners. The problem of dating a Westerner is that you need the skills


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learnt from dating a Westerner – in this case English – to first get a Westerner to date. How to solve this problem? The best method is failure. Date a very ugly Westerner. Dating a very ugly Westerner will allow you to improve your language skills before moving onto sweeter honey. An ugly ex-lover (or ‘ex’) also provides good conversation for future dates. Be honest about having had many lovers: very few Westerners want to be your ‘first’. Most Westerners prefer you have had other lovers. In love as with jobs: experience is a plus. A second option is to get Western friends before getting a date. Your Western friends may not be able to give you as much free time on you as a lover would, but they do help beginners evade the Catch 22. A third method is to tell the truth about your wish to learn English and offer to trade language lessons with the attractive Western person. Your lack of language means that you will always say exactly what you mean as you do not have the words to sugar coat any responses. The trouble is greatest for those who speak little English to start with. If your English too weak to read this book, then a translated version should be ready soon. And if this ‘simple English’ version is too easy, please buy the ‘full English’ version that has been sold in Western countries. The book is sold in the West not as a dating guidebook but as a humorous study that allow Western people to laugh at their own silliness.

To get a visa to live in their country Westerners know that being able to live in two countries is good. They also know that if you get married and it seems to be a true marriage, then you are allowed to live in the country of the other person as well as your own country. This does not mean that you should offer to marry the next Westerner that you see because they may only want to live in other Western countries. Early in the relationship, you must learn if your partner is a


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Dating Westerners

person who would marry you so that they can live in your country. Whatever you do, do not discuss marriage in the first six months of a relationship unless there is a threat to your life. If there is a threat to your life, some Westerners might marry you simply to save your life. This is called volunteering. We will talk about this later.

Money If you are dating Westerners for their money, this is not the book for you. This book is aimed at the new rich. To be clear: you already have money, and though you want more of it, you don’t need to date a Westerner to get it. In fact, you know that Westerners are actually very bad with money. You just have to look at the debt of the USA and to whom they owe that money.

The attraction of blondes Blondes are sexy. But so are brown-haired people. Yet in many Southern and Eastern societies, the only people who are blonde are albinos. There are not many of these people. It is natural that some people will want to date a Westerner so that they can play with blonde hair and try to understand what makes the hair glow.

Payback

For many years Western men ruled the South and the East. What did they leave behind? Railways, which were built with the sweat of the East, and a range of buildings made in the same way. Is there a better way to pay back the West than to date one of them and to mix your sweat with theirs? The sweat of people from your country in the past was not considered important; their lives were not considered important. By dating a Westerner you


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can show everyone that your people are equal, if not better, than Westerners.

Because it is easy Sometimes people do things because they are easy. Not everything should be difficult. For some new rich people from the developing world it will be easy to date a Westerner. In contrast to people from more conservative societies (and here we do not only mean women) the Westerner is an easy person to date. And once you have finished dating the Westerner you can end the relationship by saying ‘I want to end the relationship’. At that point in time you may feel the need to offer an excuse. It is best to just be honest. So if you want to say: ‘I have dated you for three months and don’t find you to be very nice’, then you can say that, or a sugar coated version, such as ‘I now know that we are different people and I do not see a future for us’. It works! There will be no wedding and no cover-ups and no lies. You can both move on with your lives.

Because it is hard Another reason to date Westerners is that it is hard to date them. It is much easier to follow the easy by marrying someone who your parents like. But what could be harder than saying no to your own culture by dating and becoming the lover of some human of a different culture? The new rich have already met many of the difficult challenges in their country. They have shown that they like challenges. Dating Westerners is simply the next challenge.


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Dating Westerners

Because it is hard Look at an adult video store. You will learn that most pornography actors are Westerners. The language of pornography is also English (German and Spanish, though it may be Russian and Portuguese, are second equal). People of the world who have been looking for sexy pictures have been making connections in their brains between feeling ‘hot’ and the presence of Westerners. This is the same mind game as the intellectual Pavlov played on his dogs. It is not exactly the same game, but it is training.

Because you have no choice‌ This reason is like the last one, but less about sexy pictures. Some people do not have dreams of dating Westerners but even these nice people may still want Westerners. Why is this? They want Westerners because they are a part of a culture that says white is good and beautiful. These people see pretty white people on television. Because they see so many pretty white people they soon believe that more white people are pretty. And what societies have more white people than Western societies? Even when an Eastern country is rich and powerful, they use light skinned models of their own nation. The racism is not just from the West, but is also in the East.


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Where to date a Westerner? There are four spaces that the new rich from the developing world can go to date a person from the West: in your own country, in their country, in a neutral country and on the internet. It might look like the best option is the easiest (dating them in your country), those who use the time and money to meet the Westerner in the West will have more options, not only for dates but also, for new food.

In your home country If your only aim is to date a Westerner then you will find chances at home. But remember: if you ust date a Westerner in the comfort of your own country, then there are costs: you may not find that blonde that you wanted. Westerners will visit a developing country for many reasons. Some, but not all, of these reasons are evil. For example, a Westerner may say “my work is evil but if I, a good man, does not do it in a nice way then the results would be worse”. These good thinking men are odd, but their thinking is common for Westerners who are overseas. These mind tricks will be talked about in a later chapter.

(a) the military man Where do US troops date when they are in your country? If the Afghanistan war is the Vietnam of today, then where is equivalent of the Bangkok ‘destress’ ? In terms of war, the sex workers of Thailand were to Vietnam, as those of ___________ are to Iraq? Where will army men will be based? The new rich of the developing world should expect to find them in local restaurants


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Dating Westerners

or bars. How will she get to him in his leisure? There are many questions, but each soldier is different. Lets look at some examples. Brotherls: there are very few other ways for the local woman to make money: let’s be honest. Once an army man finds a nice girl from the brothel he will ask her to become his mistress. He will have to pay all of her salary to make up for the work she will be missing, but by the end of his army work they will be a pair. The pair have been moving away from short economic contracts to long ones. Some of these couples will realise that they cannot live without one another. He will propose to her and they will get married. It is not far from the brothel to betrothal (marriage). He will take her back to the United States of America where her English will improve, his parents will accept her choice and they will compromise on the number of children that they’ll have. Overall army men are not good to date as they do not have enough leisure time. Simply: hey are not going to come out of their base and you are not going to get in. Let us be serious: most people reading this book will not reside in countries that are occupied by the United States of America’s military. I have studied army dating because this shows that there are harder situations in which to date a Westerner than the average new rich from the developing world will find himself or herself.

(b) the backpacker Once upon a time it was true that rich people would travel a long way to look at poor people. But in this century even the poor of the West is able to travel to where the poorer people of the East live. This started with the hippie trail across Asia in the 1970s. Today South America and India are the most popular places for travel by young people who want to look at the world. Almost any country, excluding those at war, will have a tourist scene. Warning: tourists are not the best people to date. You need to look for a special kind of tourist to date. Aim for the long-term


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backpacker who is going to spend more than one or two days in your city. In some cases it might be good for the backpacker to stay for only one or two nights if you are good at fast dating. But in general, more nights are best. To find backpackers you need to think like a backpacker: follow their herd. Find the cheap hotels and restaurants. These places serve as a resting place for the tourist who is tired from too much living in your country and who wishes to be with people like themselves, eating good food and watching re-runs of Western television shows from their teenage years, such as Friends (especially the episodes dealing with Ross and Rachel’s dating). The next best way to find Westerners is by reading a guidebook such as Lonely Planet. These books are good for maps and will tell you where Western people will be. A free alternative is the WikiTravel website. The next work is to make up a reason for being close with backpackers for long amounts of time. A job is a good idea: it also help you improve your English, learn the habits of the backpacker and let you understand the type of Westerner you find nicest. There are many jobs that will get you close to Westerners with no questions asked. As a teacher of your native language you can spend hours with a student or students. Pretty people may want to work as a bar tender or waitress, though these jobs may be a little too hard for the new rich. Maybe the best choice isworking as a manager of a backpacker hostel. There you could offer cheap deals to people who you like. A tip: make sure that you are nice to the other employees because some Westerners do not like people who are mean. There is a final option: teach a local skill. If there is a beach then offer surf lessons. If your face is not pretty, you can get a muscled and tanned body. A nice body can make up for being a little ugly. If no beach is close, you can teach music, but only if you want to date hippies, because they are the type who will think they can learn what they need from a week or two of lessons.

(c) the expat


22

Dating Westerners

If you want to keep your job and stay in the city then you can find a date with an expat. Expat is short for expatriot. This means someone living overseas. Western expats are an odd group. Most have gone through a stage where they were interested in your culture but have since become a part of a group of expats who love their own way of living. These expats would go home, but they do not fit in at home. Dating an expat is only a good option for people who have great English skills, for those new rich who identify with Western culture but cannot travel, for those who think dating must lead to marriage or for those looking for a challenge after dating backpackers. Typically the Easterner who wishes to date an expat will be older and more experienced than the person wishing to date a backpacker. Despite all of these warnings, I hope that some readers will remain. It is a sad fact that the Westerner who lives in your country is harder to date than the carefree tourist. You, the new rich person from the developing world, still need an answer to the question: ‘where?’Apart from when they sleep, expats spend 30% of their lives at Irish bars. The next best place is at good restaurants. The next best place is in their place of work.

In their home country Getting in is the big problem. There are a few ways to get onto Western soil. These ways will form the parts of this chapter. Some people from developing nations try to enter the West illegally, that is, without paying large visa fees to the government or private immigration businesses. These illegals then work without paying tax. To these people I offer my praise: they need it as their boats are poor and their dreams are large. With such big dreams these illegal immigrants will have more on their mind than dating Westerners. They will be left to their own.


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This chapter is only dealing with the new rich who go to the West as immigrants, tourists, or students. Refugees may find some help in my advice, though there may be too many suggestions that assume you are as cool as only the newly wealthy can be.

(a) “I am a foreign exchange student” Western schools are not what they used to be. Hollywood films still show old brick buildings where the best of the best challenge old ideas and make new rules. Sadly, this is only a reality for the the top one percent of schools. The one good thing that still happens at the costly Western universities is dating and dating’s practical cousin, networking. With no charts to prove which schools are best for dating, the hopeful student will have to do their own research. Beware of who you trust: dating Westerners may not be the number one priority for most other people who attend Western schools. Do not rely on stories as to which school is the ‘best’. Most people from the developing world will look for schools without racism and will be happy to live and date within their own group of foreign exchange students. These are not the right people to copy. As we say in the West, “nothing ventured, nothing gained’ The next important choice, after selecting one of the hundreds of schools, is picking a subject of study that allows for relaxation and the chance to get a date. Don’t study commerce as it will make you look short-sighted. Don’t study English as it is boring and full of geeks and the cute and cool ones drop out. Study architecture and design, but know that you will be dating pretty but not smart people. Politics could be a good choice of study, but the best topic is international law. The first weeks form your habits. Within these weeks there will be stress on you to join a group of international students. Avoid them: most international students get stuck in these groups and do not date Westerners. A good option is to date a Westerner who is also on exchange. For example, if you go to the United States there will be Swedish


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Dating Westerners

people who are also studying there. The Swede will trust you as you are also away from your home. Note: some Europeans will want to be your friend out of a real sense of international friendship. Before using your time with these nice people, you must make sure that they want more than friendship. But what about the actual dating? Dating for people of these communities comes naturally. If you are around them enough that they come to trust you, then one or two will want to date you. While you may have your own preferences in which Westerner you date, you will need to be subtle. Even though they seem nice, they may link you with stories of the lust-filled Oriental if you move too quick.. On the other hand, in cold places such as New Zealand, where people are shy, if you act as a strong lover this may provide a lot of dating opportunities. The rule is this: always be aware, assess the quantity of eye and body contact and make sure that the Westerner knows that English is not your first language so that you can make bold statements that begin ‘I am not sure about the correct way in which to say this in your language, but....’ before saying how your heart feels. The failure of many Oriental students is that they come to Western schools with the wish to study. These students learn too late that they wish to date a Westerner. Perhaps it takes them one semester to improve their English to a point where they are good at talking to locals. For these students their best chance is to return to their own country, practice their skills, and study this book before returning to the same country as either a tourist or a worker.

(b) “I am a foreign tourist” A hard way of dating a Westerner is as a tourist. The tourist has little time to spend with locals and will live with other tourists. There is always the dream of the attractive Westerner concierge, bellboy, cleaner, desk attendant and pool boy but while these people are close to the travelling foreigner, they are not likely to


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reply with interest. The focus his section, then, will be on dating fellow tourists. In researching this book I have learnt many stories of new rich people from the developing world who do not leave their home country to join the tourist groups. These people buy a Lonely Planet, as mentioned earlier, and follow it as if they are tourists in their own countries. This is not strange to the Westerner. Some of these people go so far as to say they are from an other country so that it seems like they truly are tourists. Once you have shown that you are a tourist - regardless of whether you are in the West or at home - you must find out what direction the Western person is going. Surprise the Westerner by saying that their travel is almost the same as yours. Make a joke about whether they are following you. Making this joke makes it hard for them to make the same joke.

(c) “I am a legitimate foreign worker” What is the West but an economic dream? That was how this book began. We’ve learned a lot so far and much of it points to the need to spend a lot of time with Westerners, to live amongst them so you may eventually date them. In contrast to tourism, the extra time that you have in the West with work will allow you to relax. Westerners will like you if you are relaxed because they are usually very stressed. There is one problem that has been said earlier: expat communities. In English, of course, it is only rich Westerners who are called expats. If you are living with other people from your home country you are likely to be called a ‘migrant community’. Regardless of what you are called, your community will not help you date Westerners. They will want you to help at the local mosque or other temple of your religion. Your countrymen will want you to support the businesses of your fellow migrants and to attend cultural events dressed in traditional clothes to present your home nation in a positive light. None of this will help you date Westerners. It must be avoided.


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Before you decide to work in the West as the best technique to date a Westerner a final issue needs to be thought about. Have you ever considered that everything that you’ve seen on TV about the West is not true? It is not possible to stop television images from standing in for our understanding of the West. Music videos, Hollywood films, CNN and sitcoms generally show nice pictures of happy, rich families who have problems, but these problems are always resolved by the end of the episode. Each person knows their heart and they express correct emotions. But the West is not like this at all. Will you be OK? The new rich from the developing world who is working in a Western country will have to deal with contrasts. It is possible that your wish to date a Westerner will leave once you learn the truth about Western society. There are many bad things about Westerners that you don’t see on television: toenail clippings, bad food and drunk people. Why are we Westerners like this? I cannot say... why are you Easterners the way you are? Aha touchÊ!

In a neutral third space For most people a lack of Westerners is not an issue: where there are beaches, ruins or oil there will be Westerners. But for a sad few, your home has no Western tourists. For the saddest of the sad, despite your money, you may not get a student, work or tourist visa for the West. For many Muslim countries this is a big issue. And so neutral zones exist. The main point to be aware of in this third place is that dating will mostly be limited to dating. With both the new rich person from the developing world and the Westerner on holiday, the chance of a long-term love is not big. The neutral third zone must be seen as the last chance for those from the least-dateable nations and then only as a stepping stone towards better dates ahead.


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In cyberspace Cyberspace, or the internet, is the fourth space in which you might be able to date a Westerner, though it is not really dating in the sense that I have defined it. Instead, like the neutral third place, cyberspace can be thought of as the space that leads to future real dates in your country or theirs. Chatrooms, message boards and personal WebPages allow internet users to talk to one another. It is true that these are good ways to find someone to date. The new rich cannot ignore cyberspace. The internet allows you to hide. This helps shy people. If in doubt, log off, then log back on under a new name. Those new to online dating with Westerners can use the trial and error method to learn what is and is not OK. The two techniques of actual online dating may be put on a line showing the power of the online relationship. At one end of the line is basic talking; at the other end is arranged marriage. In between lies the exchange of email, the use of online dating sites, and the use of video such as Skype.

A conclusion on quantities Admit the truth! You cannot tell us apart. Westerners all look the same to you. Admit it! You cannot use the normal signs of the body (Tshirts, facial hair, hair-cut, brand of shoes) to tell if we would share your passion for books or if we are Maoists. Simply put, one can’t judge a Westerner by his mobile phone. Make sure you try before you buy. This means that you cannot guess who will be a good date so you will have to try many different people. The point is that if you are picky about the kind of Westerner you date then you really do need to go to the West. You cannot experiment in large enough numbers at home.


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Dating Westerners

How to date Westerners If I were a young reader with less time I would have come directly to this section. I would have arrived with bright eyes, a fast heart and my unnameable zones wide awake with lust. The chapter will talk about the strange minds and bodies of Westerners. Bodies and minds are dealt with in two different sections that share many ideas. The body speaks the mind and the mind tries to give a reason for the body’to exist

Bodies that want Though it almost need not be said, good looks get dates. Every boy and girl should have a strong sense of how whether other people think they are beautiful. I do not say that beauty is all, nor do I say that your sense of your own beauty is correct. Some pretty boys will be seen as too girl-like by common girls, and may be assumed to be gay. Some pretty girls will be seen as too hard to date because they are above anyone all on heaven and earth. But everything will work out. Pretty boys will date the girls who find too much overt manliness to be a sign of being a cave man. Very pretty girls will date men who think themsleves to also be very beautiful. At this point some will wish to hear that what is beautiful to one person is not going to be beautiful to another. I will not talk much about these ideas. It is true that there are differences in beauty but these can be explained by makeup, money and Photoshop. Even though it is true that beauty is understood by all, there is still hope for the ugly. I do not mean that if you are ugly you will need to have a personality. That comes later and is important, but there are actual body chnges that will allow you to date a Western-


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er for weeks before he or she learns that you are less than the sum of your physical parts: an average body, make up, nice clothes, the use of curved mirrors, and a business card. A good way to create an idea of attractiveness is to join a subculture. Westerners will look past your beauty or ugliness and see you as belonging to a group to which they also belong . This does not work if you want to date a Westerner for a long time, but it is a good start. So what is the best subculture for you? As fashions change fast and there is a lot of competition over who is the best and most beautifu it is too hard to choose the winning a fashion without choosing a time period. It is easier to look back than pretend to be modern. Remember this: even those fashions that promote themselves as anti-fashion (for example, wearing black) change with time and the general culture. Once you have chosen an appealing subculture, you will need to learn the group’s interests: music, sport or books. Don’t do to much, but you must appear to be a longtime member of the subculture. The most important parts of this new body are your clothes and your hair. Once these are made nice you will, for at least a few dates, be able to be seen as beautiful to many people from your chosen subculture. A quick way for the person from the developing world to escape their subculture costume - you will have to do this at some point - is by saying that you now know that you do not need clothes t show who you are (don’t change your hair so fast). You can say that you now know that you can be yourself without the need to dress up. This will give you an excuse to dress normal, and will make your date think that they are the one who is odd. As for other tricks for odd bodies, there is always surgery. My 2011 book Privatising Parts talked about how Westerners are changing themselves into bodies that do not hurt. The key idea, as with the business that made you new rich in the first place, is to get rid of anything that causes pain. It can be as simple as shaving your head, or as complex as a mechanical heart.


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Odd Minds Here is where dating Westerners gets harder. The Western mind is strange and unusual, especially when it does not need to work for the body’s survival. The Westerner has been well off since about 1952. There is Western poor, but by international standards it is not so bad apart from in the USA. Being taken care of means that the Westerner can think less about where his next meal comes from and more about how to be liked and loved. And so the Western mind leads the Western body in a colourful game of how to live the good life. The Western mind moves like a person lost in the woods who does not yet know that he is lost. The Western mind does not remember its past and does not search for patterns. Look at the faces of the most well off Westerner and you will see that they are lost. Knowing the odd mind of the Westerner is very important if you plan to date the Westerner in a Western country. When you go to the Western country there is a chance that this odd culture will make you become like it. Your task is to date a Westerner but not feel that the West is better than your home. To those who speak good English, do not think you are safe: you are the most at risk. Tour English skills make you too confident and there are still behaviours that you must understand and, at times, copy. In the following pages I will offer a closer look at the rational and irrational behaviours of the Western individual. These are the most difficult parts of this book to learn, but without them you wont date many Westerners.

(a) rational, self-interested behaviours Most Westerners who are self-interested and also interested in the developing world fit into two types: the hedonist and the Orientalist. The hedonist knows that pleasure is happiness and happiness is the goal of life. Once the hedonist has money, he or she does


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not think much about economy: the idea is to stop the dullness of life by living wildly. This may seem irrational but there is something functional about some time workign and saving, followed by some time partying. In the West we call this ‘work hard, play hard’. A study of the hedonist is easy. She only cares for the mountaintop of pleasure. If you are as fast and strong you can date her. If you are not, you will be made an exile to history. In contrast to the hedonist is the rational Orientalist. These people travel to the developing world with the idea of mastering a different society. The Orientalist’s first job is to learn a new language. In that work she will avoid other Westerners. She believes that being seperate will give her a pure look at the developing culture. While the Hedonist must forget their work that made pleasure possible, the Orientalist must forget that she is a Westerner. At every point, her own life reminds her of the West. The weight of her shadow can be enough to ruin her trip. The void is desired and sometimes the void is reached. After this, no-one knows. In the short term, dating the hedonist and the Orientalist is not a problem. They wish to date for the pleasures dating affords. The hedonist wishes to rub against flesh, testing their body against another. The Orientalist wants to be loved for being both what they are and what they are not. In the mid or long term, the hedonist is the better option.

(b) seemingly irrational behaviours Volunteering and self-effacement challenge the idea that all of the Westerner’s acts are rational and self-interested. Volunteerism is the easiest of the two to understand. The Westerner who volunteers will see their efforts as a sacrifice to make up for the privilege of being rich. Self-effacement is a way of speaking used by the Westerner who is comfortable. It is a way of making fun of himself to show that he is a nice person and very happy with his life. I will go into more detail. Cynicism is a way of be-


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ing that splits behaviour and action, at once humourful but also resentful of opporunity. It is the worst of the three.

(i) the volunteer

The purpose of the volunteer is ot do good things for other peopl. The volunteer wants all Westerners to make a similar sacrifice so that the bad outcomes from colonialism will go away. He feels bad for having things when other people do not. He says “change the world” and wants other people to think he is good. Smart people may see that the word ‘good’ is like the word ‘god’. The Westerner wants to ‘do-good’; he is making himself into a God by being nice. The explanation for any action can be made into one self-interested motive. But that does not mean that explanations are ever really so simple. While the Westernerwants to avoid guilt for having nice things while other starve to death, this does not mean that the other desires of the Westerner, such as to help people, are fake. Think of the mind like a war: while Afghanistan was invaded for revenge and to make the private military more money, that does not mean that some of the fighters did not wish to help the situation of Afghan women. Given these motivations, which are not very rational, the new rich is right to be fearful of the volunteer. If you appear to be both wealthy and uncaring for the poorer in your society, even if you say that this is simply the way the world is, you will be considered to be the cause of the poverty and suffering. This is not the easiest Westerner to date. This date should be left to the experts. Young Lovers: do not argue with the Western volunteer about ethics or morality. Here is what to do: talk about you own concern for the suffering of all the people in your country. No one is left out. For example, as a new rich Hindu Indian, you must say something kind for the Muslims and North-Easterners within your country. Doing this may save you from having to say something nice about your Western neighbours, the Pakistanis. The Chinese will have to be nice to either the Uighers or the Tibetans.


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But be careful: if you say that you care, the Westerner may ask you what you are doing to help. Unless you do something to help the people who you have said that you like, do not pretend that these people take up much of your thinking time. Westerner volunteers will think you are a liar. At the least, as a new rich person you can tell the Western volunteer where the need is greatest and which volunteer programmes are scams. This may not earn you a date but if the volunteer stays in the country for longer than two months and their volunteering plans do not work out then they may turn into a hedonist and that means dating a local. And that could be you.

(ii) self-effacing

In contrast to the volunteer, the self-effacing Western backpacker is far more common and accessible, though understanding them is almost impossible. To self-efface literally means to ‘remove your own face’. To be clear, to self-efface really means to use words to make yourself look bad. In truth it is a way of showing confidence. Self-effacement, also known as self-deprecation (the reducing of your own value), involves many uses of words that are not true: irony, facetiousness, deadpan humour, sarcasm and faked pomposity. Self-effacement works well as a funny comment after an passionate argument. This comment shows how the speaker’s self-interest is met by the argument he has used. This type of self-effacement makes it clear people in the West also biases or needs. For example, I might argue against forcing women to wear a veil in public by saying that all people have the right to control their own bodies. After my argument I may self-efface by saying, ‘it makes it much harder for the Western lover to see her pretty eyes’. The joke is a way to reduce the tensions from an argument, but also to praise a culture when the religious behaviour is the main focus. It could also be a direct flirtation with the person who is argued against.


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Self-effacing humour ends an opponent’s wish to argue back by presenting saying that the Westerner is making the argument for his own interest. It is best for the new rich of the developing world not to get mixed up in these games unless she is an expert at English. Accept the comments without a problem, before moving back to the real issue. The real difficulty for the person from the developing world comes when more than one of these self-effacing Westerners get together. When they play back and forth like a game of untrue tennis it is impossible to learn who is the truthful one, and who is the joker? It all becomes like mud. Another Western idiom is good here: do not fight with a pig, you both get muddy but the pig likes it. Do not try to be better at self-effacement than the Westerner.

(iii) cynics

The cynic is a person who has a gap between what they believe and the actions that they make. The most common ‘cynicism’ that new rich people from the developing world will meet in the young Westerner is a stated belief that consumerism is bad, but actions that are constantly consuming. Young Westerners’ anti-consumerist beliefs are based on a difference to the goals of their parents. In comparison to the society in which they are visiting, even the Westerners’ ability to travel undermines their claims to anti-consumerist beliefs. The Westerner will still believe in anti-consumerist ideas, but their escape from their society that they oppose, makes them almost identical to that which they oppose. Confronted with their error the Westerner will defend him or herself with the language of anti-materialism, but are caught mid sentence by the contradictions between their beliefs and the travelling/escapist situation in which they find themselves. A storm of ‘yes, buts’ are used to hide the Westerner’s understanding of their own cynicism. In the long run this disconnection can be seen as self-interested behaviour as it makes the in-


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dividual immune to criticism. At the same time, this immunity does not allow for much pleasure, risk, or even communication. Ninety years ago Bertrand Russell wrote about the cynical attitude of young Westerners. He asked why this attitude was only seen in Western countries and not in the South and East. His answer was that material circumstances are met in the West and so cynicism creates a psychological distance between the well off young Westerner and the known, boring and inevitable life that is to come. Cynicism is not easy to fix. It is tied to the enlightenment’s move away from organised religion and strong moral codes. But there is a silver-lining that should keep the new rich interested in cynical Westerners. Laws and customs against inter-racial dating were based on moral ideas of natural order. The cynical Westerner does not believe in the truth of this order. Hence, they are less likely to see racial differences as a big problem. That means you can date the cynical Westerner easier than a God-fearing Westerner who see themselves as part of God’s master plan. The new Western, non-religious man is also less likely to accept tradition as a good reason for making women into house slaves. Dating is not a means to an economic contract but can explore the fertile lands of mysticism: love.


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Common Problems with Dating Westerners Some of common problems put Westerners off dating whereas others simply annoy the Westerner after they have finished the dating process. The chapter will offer easy answers to easy questions, before talking abour specific problems that might arise in the dating cycle. I will end with some comments on the future.

Gimmes A ‘gimme’ is a ‘give me’. That is to say, it is a question or task that is so simple that the we can make fun of its ease. In terms of dating Westerners, the following are ‘gimmes’. Q: Is she a prostitute? A: No. Not in that she will accept money for sex. That said, micro and macro issues of economics and attraction should not be ignored. Q: Why will she not sleep with me? A: She does not like you enough, or her morals do not allow it. Q: Why date? A: For pleasure. Q: Why are Westerners so cheap? A: Not all Westerners are rich and not all Westerners travel for three weeks and use all of their savings from the other fortynine weeks of work. Some Westerners prefer to spend less and travel longer. Some are from poor backgrounds or poorer Western countries. And some don’t want to spend more than they must. They are just like some of the poorer people in the South and East.


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Meeting Westerners and showing interest I have spent many hours talking about the best places to meet Westerners (see the chapter ‘where to date Westerners’ if you have not already). Almost all problems in telling Westerners that you like them come from limits on time. If there were no time limits in the world then every Westerner would eventually date you. Here is an example: it is very difficult to get a Westerner to accept a date if you approach them on the street. Western men are likely to assume a woman who talks to him in the street is involved in a scam. Western women will think that a man approaching her in the street is only interested in sex or violence. In situations with time issues many people say things they have heard in films that work for the film’s heroes. It is important to understand that such lines are used in films because films are also affected by severe time constraints. I cannot stress it often enough and in bold enough terms that ‘one-liners’ from Hollywood films do not work on native English speakers. If you ignore my advice you will (a) offend the Westerner and (b) create stereotypes about people from your culture that will make all international relationships come to nothing. If you see a Westerner that you would like to date, but there is little time, such as walking along a street, then you must still talk to them but be casual. This takes practice. Instead of using the word ‘date’ aim at setting up a second meeting with them in a public place with no obligation. During this first meet you should absolutely avoid any display of sexual interest in the Westerner. (This kind of interest should be avoided for the first three dates. After this you may start to casually joke about sex in a way that I will soon discuss). In situations that are less time dependent, such as in the hostel that you work in, or the nightclub in which you tend bar, or after music, surf or language lessons (never during), the use of pick


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Dating Westerners

up lines shows that you lack imagination. This is not to say that getting a date must not follow a script, but the script should be much longer than a single line. The pick up script should be a short essay which, if written down, would involve four to six paragraphs, and would be about one and a half pages long. There should be a strong introduction to excite the blood of the Westerner, a long middle section in which you smartly prove your credentials (but do not directly boast), and a final conclusion where you make a small offering of a date. It is best that you treat the Westerner as a friend, where the question of wanting to date one another is unspoken. If you can show the Westerner that they will have an good time with you then you do not even need to use the word ‘date’. Students of Zen will be aware of this method: dating by not-dating. You simply wish to spend time with the person who you wish to date. A good trick, at this point, is to introduce a shared hobby of which you can show the Westerner a local style, such as cooking dumplings or painting graffiti.

First intimacies After spending much of the last section telling you not to copy Hollywood movies, it might seem strange that I will now suggest that they have some uses. Once you are sure that the Westerner is interested in you and you need to show that while you are a good friend, you can also be a good lover. A good method of showing interest is to say you have never dated anyone before, let alone slept with anyone. Westerners cannot admit inexperience to each other, but it will be assumed that you do not know how to use language to hide your feelings. Your directness may be mistaken for niceness, even if your lack in confidence. Westerners act and react to behaviour based on whether it is seen as being honest, fresh or simply different. Being seen as fake


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is very unpopular. Some people in the West think that you must gain verbal consent at every new stage of intimacy. The author agrees with these ideas. It will assure yourself and your Western partner by asking if they are OK doing what you want to do. This is, in fact, a lot easier for the new rich of the developing world for they can ask direct questions, as discussed earlier, without feeling as bashful as the Westerner, who is not able mask their words as a second language speaker. So how is this verbal consent to proceed? Ask, ask, ask: but make sure that you vary your asking. Do not treat him or her like they are a list to be ticked off before the real action begins. Mix ‘can I?’ questions with ‘do you like?’ questions. Try questions like ‘do you want to?’ and ‘is this OK?’ or ‘are you OK?’ At the same time as seeking verbal consent you must not ignore non-verbal clues.

Enjoying the moment Enjoying the moment should be no problem: it is what you both want. But too much focus on whether you are enjoying the moment will make for a bad time. It was Nietzsche who said: “Experience, as a desire for experience, does not come off. We must not study ourselves while having an experience.” And so the author hopes that the present time, before enjoyment, is the time for self-study. I shall not go into details about the many ways that you might not enjoy the moment but I must say that you should use a condom. Good Westerners will insist that you do so. The ones who will not insist are the ones who you need to be worried about. One odd problem that the new rich might find when enjoying the moment is the ability to be a hedonist and have fun but not expect to get attached. With good internet connections, the lover left in the developing world after dating a Western tourist may try to heat up the now cold romance. The author knows how hard it is to let go,


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but the Westerner will not come back unless you are cool. But do not think that all Westerners are beyond love. If you want a date to come back to you then you must tell them how you feel. Send an email that tells them that you enjoyed your date and if they ever come back you would like to spend more time with them. They will probably probably respond ‘yes please!’ if you have been cool. And that is better than nothing. ‘Life,’ Allen Saunders once said, ‘is what happens while we are making other plans.’ Dating Westerners, I say, is what happens while we are dreaming of eternal love. The moral of the moment: stop reading and start dating.

The Great Beyond Once you have left the traditions of your home you will not be able to go back. Once you have walked around your home town, arm in arm with a young blonde man or woman, you will be forever marked as someone who may not be good for marriage, mortgage and children. Is this what you want. To be free? Maybe not. If you have started but then wish to be stop dating Westerners, you must pay the price. The best way back is through religious education. But what if dating Westerners is what you always wanted? What if the hug of one Westerner is the start of forever and ever and ever and ever? For those new rich who keep their desire for Westerners, the only action is moving to the West. Moving to the West is hard as politicians are making immigration more difficult. Don’t take these threats to mean that you should not try to live beyond your station. In fact, the threat of imminent deportation is likely to hasten your relationship to the Westerner into a marriage. If it is true that love tears us apart, then we must first have somehow come together. Good luck.


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Afterword

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by Richard Meros (a Westerner)

This book opened with an introduction by Ahmed Suderban, a new rich resident of the developing world. He wrote the first word, but only after reading this book. I shall have the afterword, after having read his foreword. Dear Ahmed, We’ve been writing man to man. In doing so we’ve forgotten three important groups: (1) women; (2) children; (3) the masses. This response will help you to see that our time is up. But let me begin with a mantra. The enemy of this book is all but clear: the simple Westerner who dare not date outside his or her culture. Liberalism must first change libidos as much as it has changed economies. Here is the mantra (poems cannot be put into simple English): Addressee, the rake who rakes in rupees and to she who owns the Yuan mown. Put the vice into my advice, the spice into recipes, the dance into guidance. Reap! You against them: spasm, garnish, repeat, go twice, thrice, as far as the Westerner. For you are the active partner now. You are, from this date forward, the one who dates. The best expression of womne’s freedom is the ability for them to take as many lovers as they desire without silly moralising. Is


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it wrong to think that if more people are dating then they are less likely to war? My assumptions are based on there be being to much energy on the earth. There is so much energy, thanks to the sun, that some must be wasted. But there are not enough activities that are able to waste this energy without ending. Dating is a good use for these energies. We can talk as much as we want about not being racist, but unless we are prepared to love other races then it is not good. And if things get so dizzy in this loving that we forget to put use birth control, then we may be forever connected to this other person through a child. I call this ‘progress’. At its very end, my desire is for the people of this book to make many babies of mixed races. By making millions of mixed race babies the peacekeeping efforts of the United Nations will be replaced by voluntary groups of children born of patchwork relationships. If every country has some people with strong connections to other countries then international communication becomes easier. Not only this, but the children of these mixed relationships will be more willing to sacrifice their lives to ensure peace in their own region. And that is the level of commitment needed to form a long-standing peace. By their very lack of a single home or race these children are less likely to allow their opinions to take nationalist sides. And if these children do join a military response they will only do so with themselves at the front of the charge, for they will also know the limited violence needed to stop other violence. At the end of the date, it does not matter if the body fools the mind into reproduction, or if the urge to date Westerners comes about spontaneously. Babies are all that matter. If this new rich dating scheme works out then dating will no longer be just for the new rich from the developing world, but for all! Is this really possible? Consider the following. Once upon a time flying was only for the rich. Westerners put on their best clothes, told the neighbours (“in case we don’t make it back”, but also to show off) and flew into the sky. The


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air gave way as the flying metal zoomed and opened not just the sky, but history. The sadness bought about two thousand years before by the failure of Icarus was defeated. Rich people could fly. But that was not enough. Thanks to the threat of communism, and the strength of unions, the West made these technologies available to every citizen. It was as much a show of the superiority of the masses as it was the capitalist economic system. Times have changed. The West’s economies are on the ropes it not good and it is time for the East to show it is equal, if not superior. The West’s insane capitalism of financial markets have emptied our economies and made us very unhappy. ‘Capitalism with Asian values’ needs to achieve two acts to stop it becoming as bad as the West. The first of these acts is to reverse the trend that sees the earth as a dump. This includes investing in green energies. The second act will be sharing wealth to those whose work have set these nations on their good road. In short, everyone will need to have the chance to date a Westerner, whether they want to or not. That is, it will be their choice. If capitalism with Asian values does not redistribute wealth, including love, then the authoritarian governments of the developing world will need to do their part. Bad governments consider yourself warned. Fight against the dating youth and it will be you who suffers. I urge you to make space for love to flourish, to fold back on itself like a mind that knows that the task of slearning never ends, and you will be rewarded with satisfied and ever compliant citizens. Ahmed, my friend, you suggested that you would write a book called Dating the new rich of the developing world: tips for Westerners. This is good, but not great. It is not enough. Let us open up the whole world. Let us aim for Dating Others. Let us not pretend that we can decide on these matters. As long as communication is risked, as we learn and trade languages and conversation, no book will ever close this series. Books, really, are not ends in themselves. Books are the tools that buildlna-


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guage. This book has been for simple English speakers. But in reading it they have become better, have learnt more words and more phrases. This final book - Dating Others - will be dedicated to those who wish to learn. Written in bold and one paragraph in bold on some loose page that can be removed and destroyed will be the following words (not in simple English): Congratulations on your interest in reading about Dating Others. Know that your interest is almost all that is required. There is no knowledge that I can offer you other than finding the spatial and temporal bounds whereby you will be surrounded by vast and various others. Once you are apart from your home, regardless of the situation, take out this book and pretend to read it. Soon enough a pretty thing will come over and ask what you are reading. This is where you act embarrassed and show that person the title that they, of course, have already glanced at. The trick is to announce yourself as part of the text, as a microgram of lust that does not hide amongst the pages but which uses the pages as a means to escape the page. In the same sense, dating an Other is not an end in itself, but a means of accessing a new bookshelf or record collection, and moreover to explore a new culture. Life is circular, and don’t you forget it as you cruise the curve. your friend, Richard Meros.


Dating Westerners: tips for the New Rich of the Developing World *simple english*