The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

The Gold Coast Almanac Music. Words. Art. Entertainment. Quad Cities, IA/IL. November 2018.

It's Thanksgiving! Invite Everyone Over, Kill Them, Then Take Everything They Have! Just Kidding!!!!!!!!

Yay! Turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie and football and cranberry sauce and heartburn and anxiety!

Even though we live in America, we typically celebrate our modern Thanksgiving a bit dierently than our ancestors. Nowadays it's definitely not cool to steamroll groups of people and ruin absolutely anything and everything they ever held dear.

I'm not saying "some people" *cough* THETRUMPADMINISTRATION *cough* wouldn't absolutely do that in a heartbeat given even half a chance, however that does not mean you have to be a part of that!

PLEASE VOTE THIS MONTH!!!!

Anyway, enough of that, right?

Thanks for taking a moment to pick up a copy of this silly paper.

Are you hyperventilating into a paper bag about how much exposure to family this month brings you? Were you aware there is a new virtual reality place in downtown Davenport? You can literally put on goggles and head-

phones and a weighted vest and literally ascend to a completely dierent reality! A reality in which maybe Aunt Edna isn't rapid-fire questioning you if you are a lesbian because you are 32 and haven't gotten married yet. Or a reality in which your Uncle Bill wants you to feel his bicep since getting really into his local powerliting gym. Hey Uncle Bill! You're making me *a bit* uncomfortable. Also, you're not fooling anyone Aunt Edna, we all know you are a lesbian!

Ok enough fooling' around. What can I expect to read in this thing this time around?

Hey, good question! It shows you care and are fully-invested in actually reading this. Hell yeah!!!!

Inside you'll get a glance at our live music calendar and open mic & karaoke directory. Would you like to go to some kind of show or other fun-time event about town this month, well strap in because you'll find some of that too!

ALWAYS REMEMBER: If you are too much of a wimp to get up on stage

yourself, at least go check out the brave souls that do.

Also, if we're talking karaoke?

HILARIOUS. Self-Esteem has NO LIMITS when it comes to screaming the lyrics to a Spice Girls song four Busch Lights deep.

You'll also see GARP coverage from Codfish Hollow last month from Matthew Perry. Expert Food Reviews by Nick Mielke. A hilarious personal section by Charles Taylor. Poetry by Lars Meseke-Wren. HORRORScope by Lauren Alexis Wood. Art by Glen Lowry. A terrifying micro-fiction piece by Matt Moody. A Book Review of local author Misty Urban's new release The Necessaries by Robin Throne. A first-hand glimpse at her eclectic travel/hiking/ crat brew blog by Jodie Toohey (Hiking History Books and Brew). Kevin Schafer's brief coverage of All Senses Fest. Kristin DeMarr and Dasha Denger's glimpse into futureappletree studios 2. A moving anti-love letter from Sarah Elgatian, and much, much more!

Happy, happy, happy Thanksgiving! Let us give thanks and praise to the amazing folks who made this issue possible!

In addition to the above contributors you better get your ass over to Dead Poet's Espresso in downtown Moline, IL and warm up with a vanilla spiced chai.

Personally? I'm a HUGE fan of their tiramisu Italian creamosa. What the fuck is that? Aside from being addictingly delicious it is an Italian soda (club soda and flavored syrup - tiramisu is T.H.E. B.E.S.T.) plus cream. YUMMERS! Also, if you don't run the Turkey Trot I don't know what to tell you. It's the most fun! I trained for like a year and a half and then PR'ed my 5K at the Turkey Trot last year and then cried for at least 10 minutes with friends aterwards from joy. THAT is what Thanksgiving is about. Being so very thankful of those around you who support you and want you to succeed and I hope anyone and everyone reading this has that this month.

At the very least share a smile over this newspaper and then use it to put down on the car seat when you're transporting your dish to Thanksgiving. Cranberry sauce does NOT come out of upholstery! - with love from the head writer

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The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

I NEED TO SING

We all do, Jennifer. WE. ALL. DO. Luckily QC Karaoke is a

thing on Facebook. Keep an eye out for a link to their page

on the Gold your phone right Coast Almanac now anyway!

Facebook page. I OMG snap us! @snapthegca know you are on

The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

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Open Mics. Where they at?

WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!

Publisher Paradisiac Publishing www.paradisiacpublishing.com paradisiacpublishing@gmail.com

The Quad Cities is a talented town. We have a ton of open mics out there. Take a look below for the best ways to find out where those are.

LOCAL RESOURCES

MUSICIANS

Northwest Music Shop www.northwestmusicia.com

There are some fantastic local networking groups, who will absolutely fill you in on the best spots, give you a head's up on the crowd and atmosphere, and connect you with likeminded musician friends.

COMEDIANS

Check out the following resources to get connected: FACEBOOK GROUPS

Head Writer Lauren Alexis Wood (also the sole proprietor of Paradisiac Publishing - Remote interns always welcomed, this is a big undertaking!) laurenalexiswood@gmail.com

Poetry Editor Ryan Collins Executive Director of the Midwest Writing Center www.mwcqc.org ryan.collins@mwcqc.org

This Month's Contributors John Born Kristin DeMarr Sarah Elgatian Glen Lowry Lars Meseke-Wren Nick Mielke Matt Moody Chuck Taylor Matthew Terry Robin Throne Jodie Toohey Kevin Schafer

Quad City Musicians Quad City Area Musicians Quad City Bands & Musicians Local Live Music Quad Cities

River Music Experience www.rivermusicexperience.org

Monday Broken Saddle in downtown Moline at 8:30pm

Thursday Boozie's in downtown Davenport at 8pm

Friday

Brew in the Village of East Davenport at 10pm (3rd or 4th Friday of each month depending)Laugh Hard at the Speakeasy in Downtown Rock Island 7pm

Really?

That's it?

Got a tip on an open mic? HOLLER. AT. THIS. PAPER. YO. Sometimes there's open mics scheduled and then suddenly they aren't there anymore for whatever reason, or the host got the boot, or they change format or, whatever! Bottom line? If you have an open mic you'd like shown here, please just let us know!

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The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

MUSIC SECTION which allowed us all to experience a very unique and intimate performance that made the stage feel anything but secondary.

Continuing on through the night through dropping temperatures, a par-

tially concealed moon began to rise over the fields surrounding Codfish creating a beautiful night outside, as the illustrious Barn Stage was graced by Miles Nielsen and The Rusted Hearts, followed by Matthew Logan Vasquez, and Nathaniel Rateli. Miles, a Rockford native, and the son of founding

The 3rd Installment of the Garp festival invaded Codfish Hollow to close out the month of September; and given the

we entered the grounds the cow pasture (which doubles as a parking/ camping space during shows) greeted us with several coat and hat-clad revelers with beers perched in their gloved hands as they awaited Marv's arrival with the "Hay Rack Ride" which transfers them ever-so-switly from the pasture to the barn.

distinct chill which filled the final weekend of the month that closes out the 3rd quarter of the year, Garp seemed to also represent one last musical blowout as summer 2018 found its conclusion. However, the cold surely didn't keep any attendees away, and as

As we made our way onto the grounds to get the weekend in motion, the classic country sound of Minneapolis' The Cactus Blossoms beckoned us to the barn. The warm tones and inviting harmonies spilling from the stage courtesy of this brotherly duo resonated within

Did you go to Garp out at Codfish Hollow last month? Yes? Hell yeah! I heard it was the absolute bomb. No? No sweat!

Matthew Terry did and he's got the scoop. Words AND visuals!

the warmth of the wood. However the barn wasn't the only space this weekend where one could immerse themselves within the healing ambiance of music, though it was surely the warmest. Just southwest of the barn, beyond the art and food vendors and a caged o dilapidated home older than most in attendance, sat the Valley Stage. It was at this stage where we heard the breathy folk stylings of Small Houses. Part way through his set, due to unforeseen issues with the equipment on stage, he requested the crowd to "bring it in" and finished his set without the assistance of amplifiers,

Cheap Trick guitarist Rick Nielsen, brought his own blend of classic rock and soul to Codfish, resembling an inverted wooden ship, carrying the passengers somewhere far more magical than the exhausted early Autumn Iowa fields would suggest.

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crowd, and the swarm of people gladly standing in the rain for a chance to witness the soulful soundscape she creates stands as testament of the true acclaim she deservedly receives.

The energy Miles brought to the stage laid the groundwork for Matthew Logan Vasquez. Known originally as the co-founder of indie rock darlings Delta Spirit, Vasquez and his trio brought a palpable vivacity to the barn that was not only echoed through the edgy rock sounds they emitted, but was seen in the rhythmic shiting of the ever-expanding crowd. The walls of the barn seemed to be closing in as those in attendance began to fill the floor, and soon there would hardly be space to breathe as shoulders pushed up against one another.

Taking the stage in a jacket emblazoned with the words "The Future Is Voting", Rateliff was there with a message, and as the crowd erupted with excitement upon his appearance it was clear that they were ready for him to deliver. As the spotlight illuminated the man so many traveled to see, his voice cut through the pulsing mass, and he struck the first note of the set that would carry these revelers through the conclusion of Garp III, night one.

Day two of GARP III started off rather gray, and the fires that kept the crowds warm at the entrance as they awaited the ride back to their camps the night prior were already dancing from the metal ring enclosing the flames as we arrived Saturday aternoon. Our day started with exposure to another new artist, Kirby Brown. Brown took the stage with the Texas Gentlemen, who would later wow the crowd with their own set (where interestingly enough Kirby would join back up with them for a moment). His performance of country soaked 'Americana Rock' was a great start to the Saturday barn performances. Indie rocker Sam Evian then brought a change in atmosphere following the Texas-tinged tones of Kirby Brown. A song-writer reminiscent of Kurt Vile, who played this stage himself in 2016, Evian was a stand out surprise.

Prior to GARP I, I had no knowledge of his work, or the merchandise he dis-

played inspired by the logo from the water company which he shares a name with.

As the aternoon unfolded the overcast morning soon turned to rain, which drew many into the barn for Michigan Rattlers. Another weekend highlight, I saw them perform at the Raccoon Motel in August and was looking forward to their performance for weeks. They surely didn't disappoint, and seeing them with a full band was an experience exceeding that first slightly stripped down set in Davenport more than a month prior. As the rain continued to fall on the hollow, drawing several in for Campdogzz and free from the chilling mist, an equal crowd was gathering around the Valley Stage to take in the ethereal sound of LOLO. While this was my first LOLO show, she's a familiar face for the Codfish

The Dawn followed on the valley stage, and it was nice to take in the recognizable sounds of a group of artists that also made the trek from the Quad Cities. The Dawn had one of the most impressive light shows I saw outside the barn all weekend, and it was a welcome change from the muted tones that the soon-to-cease rain brought on.

As the lights from The Dawn illuminated the slowing rain, the barn was beginning to fill up for the Texas Gentlemen's turn at transferring this once quiet barn into a full-blown party. They had no problem doing just that, filling the space from the floor to the raters with their infectious Texas-sized Americana sound.

The party initiated by the Texas Gentlemen let the barn buzzing with the energy and excitement necessary for the blistering Nathaniel Rateliff and The Night Sweats set which was about to close out the 3rd installment of GARP. It has become well known Rateliff's love for this Midwestern musical mecca, as well as the legendary shows he puts on within the walls. This crowd came to be one with that legend, and Rateliff couldn't possibly disappoint.

As he and the Night Sweats, all clad in matching denim jackets with "The Night Sweats" adorned on the back, performed song ater infectious song, singing to a crowd that was widely returning the favor.

As the festival came to a close, and those not camping for the night made their way back to their respective homes, I turned let, opposite of my normal direction when returning from this place. Uncertain exactly where this road would lead, it just seemed like the right call, as we weren't quite ready for this adventure to end.

Matthew Terry matthew@matthewterryphoto.com

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The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

COMEDY SECTION Expert Food Reviews by Nick Mielke

F4M

Local Highlight ITEM: 'Taco Tuesday' Tacos @ Mound REVIEW: Words cannot describe this. It's like Christmas meets tacos, meets everything good about being alive. It has had the same result for me as autotune had on rappers that aren't actually talented. True game changer. In conclusion, pretty f*cking good

Old Standbys ITEM: Totinos' Pizza Rolls REVIEW: Honestly, not that bad until I looked at my cat's food and realized he eats better than I do. I ate a few, shot the rest out of my wrist rocket at the train bridge by my apartment. The sound is similar to a paint ball, the taste is ok.

Recommended pairing with laziness and Night Court reruns.

ITEM: Jack's Oven Pizza REVIEW: Meh, I knew what I was getting into with this one. If you like crackers with ketchup and cheese... oh s*it, I already did the Lunchables review. Recommended pairing with a 12 pack of cheap beer and late night PBS. ITEM: Store-brand Spaghetti Rings REVIEW: Do I even need to explain that this is awesome?

ITEM: Cosmic Brownie from corner store REVIEW: I've had so many of these. They're ok.

I'm gonna roll this one up so it looks like poop, toss it in a public urinal, sit outside, and watch a parade of confused/grossed-out people exit the building.

Personals by Charles Taylor M4F I have to say, you wore that slutty nurse costume with an air of dignity and class rarely seen these days. You reminded me of Doris Day. I was the dude puking in the alley of Tommies. I was dressed as that barbed wire baseball bat dude from that zombie show.

Let's get chicken fingers sometime. I was at the Bierstube for Oktoberfest and you were wearing a plunging vneck blouse. Remember that chick from those movies where kids kill each other? She had a bow and arrow, I think. It's not Big Trouble In Little China, so I didn't pay much attention to it.

She wore a dress with a plunging v to one of those pointless awards shows where rich people congratulate themselves. Well you were like her, if she lived in the Quad Cities and were eating a schnitzel sandwich with spaetzle for the side. Good choice. Our eyes met from afar, as a man that works 3rd shit at the Oscar Meyer plant stumbled past in an ill-fitting pair of lederhosen. He almost assuredly destroyed the bathroom that Frankie "Gasman" Hughes had worked so hard to clean for the night's festivities. I could tell that the man next to you was your boyfriend, I could tell you weren't happy. I went outside to talk with my friend Bob about Death Wish 3. When I came back, you were nowhere to be found. So I keep haunting the Moline bars, like a spectre, searching…

I need a dude that isn't afraid to wear a sleeveless Tap Out t-shirt to a wedding.

Somebody who has the kind of take charge, get in a fight at Tommies at 2am because somebody told you they don't listen to the Joe Rogan Experience kind of man. Obviously, your muscles must be bursting out of your shirt.

Hell, I don't even mind if you got sleeve tattoos ater 55 and work in sales for a plumbing supply company. The more you talk about "sharpening your blade" in regards to talking about free market politics, the better. I like the fact that you take more selfies than I do. No, I don't mind that you abandoned your first family for a woman half your age. Of course it didn't work out, but hey, roll the dice. Nut up or shut up. P.S. no fatties.

F4M Looking for a guy that isn't a muscle bound doucher. Nope, I'm looking for a nice guy. By that, I mean a guy that's still trying to have sex with me, but just doesn't have the guts to come out and say it. You know who you are if you're reading this. You always post on facebook about male privilege, completely forgetting the fact that you wasted $100k going to get an art degree. That's kind of the exact definition of privilege.

I want you to talk about your favorite indie rock band to me. You know the kind of band. Yes, the ones that sound like the drums were recorded at the bottom of a well that is located in a high school hallway. Double plus points if you identify as a cat dad. Giving this another shot. Hope springs eternal, as they say.

M4W I'm looking for a woman that has an appreciation for the finer things in life.

I'm of course talking about Clint Eastwood's 1992 Oscar winning masterpiece, "Unforgiven." I want a woman that understands the character arc of William Munny. Forgive me, but I've taken some film criticism classes in my day. You see, Clint became famous for his western roles. Starting with Rowdy Yates, on the TV Show Rawhide. Ask your grandfather about it. The hitch is, Clint always played the handsome, good looking hero. Even in "The Dollars Trilogy" he played the hero. Sure,

"Blondie" had an edge, but he always wore white in the end. Once again, ask your grandfather. Well, William Munny isn't Blondie. William Munny is an old man, trying to raise 2 young children alone. His wife is dead, he claims she changed him from his wicked past. He takes a job to kill a group of men, that cut up a prostitute. The lady made fun of a man's penis size, not a smart thing in the rootin' tootin' wild west. It will involve your face being brutally cut beyond recognition. Immediately dropping your value as a saloon matron. So anyway, Munny takes the job to help provide for his children, assured that his life of villainy is behind him. Cured by the love of a good woman… So anyway, you see the old Munny seeping back in. Ultimately he's able to help the prostitutes get revenge via murder.

However, things hit a snag when the sheriff "Little Bill", played expertly by Gene Hackman, kills Munny's friend Ned via interrogation about the whereabouts of Munny and the "Schofield Kid." Munny can't let this stand, when he finds out he's angered. He picks up a bottle of hooch and drinks it. The last ten 15 minutes of this movie is an unflinching portrait of a man consumed by hatred. It begs the question of whether any of us truly change. Munny shoots an unarmed man for propping Ned's body up in front of a saloon. Little Bill calls him a coward, and questions "You'd be William Munny… killer of women and children…" Munny says without any remorse, "That's right. I've killed women and children. (expert cut to the reactions on the prostitutes faces) I've killed just about everything that's walked or crawled at one time, and now I've come to kill you Little Bill.

For what you did to Ned." A gunfight ensues, and Munny kills a saloon full of men and dismisses his accomplishment by claiming he's always been lucky when it comes to killing folk. Little Bill, dying, "I didn't deserve this. To die like this. I was building a house."

Munny, "Deserves got nothing to do with it." Little Bill, "I'll see you in hell William Munny." Munny shoots him dead, and his transformation into his old self is complete. Lurking beneath the surface, has been and always will be a violent killer. So anyway, if you're down with that, let's go grab some Dunn Brothers some time and talk about "Any Which Way But Loose."

The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

Physically Go See A Comedy Show (In no way is this necessarily an all-inclusive list. If you want more comedy, follow your favorite comedians for show info and tell your favorite bars & venues that you want to see more of this!)

Friday November 2 Comedy Sportz - 7pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island Late Nite Shows: It's Your Fault 9:30pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island

Monday November 5 Wish We Were Joking Tour - 7pm Broken Saddle - Downtown Moline

Saturday November 10 Wacked at da Wedding - 6:30pm Skellington Manor Rock Island, IL Bill & Chuck's Excellent Comedy Showcase 2: The Revenge - 7pm The Circa 21 Speakeasy Downtown Rock Island

Late Nite Shows: True Story - 9:30pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island

Friday November 16 Late Nite Shows: Survivor - 9:30pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island

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Saturday November 17 Show Us Your Pokeballs Comedy Troupe - 8pm Broken Saddle - Downtown Moline

Friday November 23 Laugh Hard Stand Up Comedy Show 7pm The Circa 21 Speakeasy Downtown Rock Island Late Night Shows: Bandwagon 9:30pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island

Saturday November 24 Pimprov - 7pm The Circa 21Speakeasy Downtown Rock Island

Late Nite Shows: Trash Talk - 9:30pm The Establishment Theatre Downtown Rock Island

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The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

Fucking Literature, Man! Central Standard Time

by Sarah Elgatian Dear-According to Google Maps I would ride my 10-speed Trek three-point-three miles to your house every day when I still lived at home. Life was such hell back then, remember, because I had to balance work and my parents and my time with you?

We had that first fight because we'd never talked exes before and I couldn't lie to you. But then you stormed off through abandoned backyards and half-abandoned neighborhoods, so I cried and cried and tried to follow you--I couldn't afford to lose you.

So I went back to your place and when you showed up it turned out that you were just as scared as I was. So we figured out that we weren't perfect.

So I let.[1] [2] We would never be perfect and I knew that if I didn't leave then I never would, and I wanted something populated and vibrant, and According to Google Maps there are one-thousand-nine-hundred-eleven miles between my place and yours.

Yesterday there was nothing but distance between us. And yesterday that was okay.[3] But then a skinny white boy from the west side with dirt on his face and brass on his knuckles punched a few times to see if I was listening[4] .

I wasn't listening.

I had no intention of listening. I let that life behind me when I filled two suitcases with clothes and closed my eyes. I packed those bags myself and walked intentionally away from that place that never should have been.

That white kid with his brass knuckles had a name. But he didn't really matter until those brass knuckles punched and punched until they got through to meThis is the real world, babe.[5] So one-point-seven miles from your mom's house and point-eight miles from your new place you stabbed your brand new trench knife into his chest

four times because he just wouldn't stop hitting, and-I had forgotten this life.

I forgot those empty streets and the violence that starts when it's ater 2 and there's no more booze and you've spent too much time inside because of a record snowfall and your friend makes you get out of bed to go stop a fight and suddenly the person who introduced me to peace is holding abloody knife[6] and it's not just a pocket knife held up to a creep's throat as a threat to get him to take his hands off of me.[7] This time it's for real and the guy shouts and and now you're back in my life and I have this grip on our relationship so tight that my hand is cramping because if I let go there's no telling whether you'll ever be safe.

So there's this piece of me that I threw away when I hopped on a plane out of central standard time…and that piece of me knew how to react to this overexposed photo of you with the blank look of a criminal on your face and your head pressed up against a board counting off 70 inches behind you.[8] Instead, I just stare, unsure of the reality inside this photograph, like you died right in that flashbulb. Like I'm looking at the remains of the boy who begged me to stay home in the roach-infested house neither of us could afford because he was too afraid to lose our love.

It's a felony-stabbing someone. And I won't be any closer if you're taken away. I won't be able to protect you or tell myself you're alright. I'll probably just sit here like I do now staring at the two-thousand-forty-three miles on Google Maps because prisons aren't shown on street view.[9]

something.[12]

<3<3<3

The law doesn't care that I love you.

Now. From one-thousand-nine-hundred-eleven miles away. Or that I won't survive your incarceration.[13]

Yessssssss <3

Yours,

Nooooo you gotta name something here.

From the beginning of this piece and this transition it sounds like you let because you had one fight. Any way to smooth this transition?

Actually on second thought this whole paragraph… it's too in your head I think. Like your own knowledge of the situation provides plenty of insight and emotion, but to the audience this is the actual only window into any part of your relationship that you've provided to go with this piece and what comes ater this.

It might actually take some fiction but I think if you went back into this and made a stronger "Relationship.

Dispute. Gotta go" break down in this space it would serve you better. OR. (what I like better-)Just go into why you leave for personal reasons and he's too scared to follow you. I think that a fight is unnecessary really.

Guh <3 I always thought this was eddie, but then realized later that it's some other dude. It would be cool if this could be a little bit tweaked in the beginning. I think what throws me off with "punched to see if I was listening" is that the implied connection is immediately that it's someone trying to reach you. Of course you explain this all later but if the audience is expecting something else they can be confused.

Maybe "see if I was listening" can be developed into a different metaphor?

Again, this sounds like Brass Knuckles is saying this to you

But they wouldn't lock you up. They wouldn't break this grip I've reattached to you just to uphold a law.

Dunno why this reads so cliché to me… maybe try a more unexpected/visceral way of describing a bloody knife?

Laws take so little into account. They don't care that you were trying to keep Brass Knuckles from killing a friend.

The law doesn't care that your eyes are like cola [10] or that you love with your muscles[11] . The law doesn't care that it could break a boy who would otherwise play a role in the saving of-of

Not married to this call out to something else. Not necessarily opposed to it, but I think it being the same sentence is distracting from the weight of what Eddie did in this scene <3<3<3<3

Less yess. More… I wish it was more tangible like the eyes = cola one.

I can see you maybe wanting to clue the reader into the naiveté of your relationship at this time but I think you should keep the reader in 20 yr old sarah's brain through this whole thing.

I like you believing he's destined to do something great if only he wasn't trapped by his situation. Maybe play into that?

I think this piece is really about the tragedy of growing up in a shit hole town in the Midwest and an attempt to escape it while not being ready to let go of the good things that helped you survive it. Or not being able to leave it and getting pulled down into it without the possibility of escape … told from the perspectives of two people living this reality, so it has way more weight than some general op-ed on the crisis.

It's reallllll.

But then I see you get a little reluctant to leave behind truth in pursuit of the best way to capture that. So mainly through this I'd like to see you use your distance that you have now to kill some darlings.

I want the 1911 miles away bit to be the final line I think. I don't think this line is good enough to be the final line.

Perhaps drop?

However, the rhyme of "day" and "away" isn't the best so maybe a different way to say "every day"?

Carve

by Matt Moody A cratsman is only as good as his tools they say. The millwright, the carpenter and the cobbler.

So too, the Butcher.

His blades must needs be sharp, their edges thin like paper, to glide through flesh; tease it from the bone. To play a crystal note along the grain of marbled muscle.

The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

The slightest imperfection and the blade drags. The flesh tears.

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every space every crack and unseen flaw is perfection.

The note sours.

None will know but the Butcher but he will hear that note in his sleep.

So he strops his blades as he plans his first cut.

Her name is Eve. She deserves the best.

So I dare you to blaspheme, to go against my holy words, because I am a god and I am perfect just as I am.

Book Review of The Necessaries: Stories

by Misty Urban Published by Paradisiac Publishing Release date: November 1, 2018 Like coffee with your neighbor; well, maybe not quite

Lowercase G

By Lars MesekeWren I am a god and this body is the temple in which I reside.

Every time you speak against this shell, every movement of your tongue, every curl of your lip is heresy.

Yet y o u d a re to co n t i n u e to blaspheme, as though your words could ever stand against me.

Every word that I speak is divine prophecy unerring and true forevermore.

I speak against the universe?

No. The universe speaks against me.

This altar was built from the most holy rock, shaped by unseeing hands.

The divine creation you witness can never be duplicated, can never be recreated, can never be copied.

It's magnificence is unique; from the base to the tip every inch

by Robin Throne If you have talked with Iowa author, Misty Urban, you know well that dialogue is a strong suit and in her new collection of short fiction,The Necessaries, out November 1 from local indie publisher Paradisiac Publishing, Urban lays out this strength across the page to fold you into these seemingly familiar conversations, internal and external, and those not so familiar.

Think of it as if your neighbor knocked once and charged right in with the usual drama for a good coffee sit down, but this is not your usual coffee klatch with a copy of The Bell Jaris on the table, the fire alarm rang, and trash talk abounds. Whether it is Ben's dramatic irony in the titular story, "I'm not afraid of heights…I'm afraid of falling," or the ephemeral maternal dialogue of "This is How to Hold," Urban's image-bound prose pushes on poignant and iterative with such dimension to these characters "…like a git all over again…too fragile to hold" // So, read on we must these vulnerable stories of souls far from weak, but adventuresome and "the strongest thing I can think of," as she tells Ben. Voyage through relational territories of fairytales with endings as beginnings, like "the first swelling notes of a song," or the exquisite puff of a single sentence. Yes, read them for Urban's conversational exchanges and even more so, her stunning surprises of

language: "We leapt together, and the sky caught us." Spend time with The Necessariesand let Urban's sky catch you.

GRAB YOUR COPY NOW: paradisiacpublishing.tumblr.com

Quick Music Bit Keven Schafer stopped by All Senses Fest last month and wanted to share a photo he nabbed.

Pictured: Emma Ruth Rundle.

If you attended the festival and would like to share photos or talk about your experience (or your experience at any

of the live shows here in the area) in our next issue please reach out.

You can view write-ups and concert photography from local writers and photographers over at goldcoastalmanac.tumber.com.

Would you like to be featured on the blog or the next issue? Send in a quick note: paradisiacpublishing@gmail.com

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The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

It's Fall. I'd Like To Be In Some Sort of Nature Please and Thank You. But I couldn't come up with a niche.

When I travel, I love to hike. Seeing a location on foot, in my opinion, is the best way to go, whether that's a traditional hike up a mountainside, on a bike path along a river, or walking the city streets.

But I also love history. I write historical fiction in addition to poetry books, and my favorite places to visit when the weather isn't conducive to hiking are historical museums.

Books should be obvious. I'm a writer, so I love books, and therefore, I like to visit places where other authors did their work, along with bookstores and local libraries.

Finally, the first thing my husband and I do when going somewhere new is to look up if, and then where (becoming more common all the time), the local brewery is located. My favorites are wheat and fruit beers while his are IPAs and the darker selections.

To try to narrow it down, I thought about what would be most numerous in the location where I was most likely to travel. Seeing as I don't have the whole money-thing worked out yet, that location is going to be the Quad Cities, at least for a relatively long while.

herself on this: Well buckle-up because local author Jodie Toohey and her husband hike around, see amazing local sights, drink crat beer, learn historical facts, and then share it with people on her blog hikinghistorybooksandbrew.com so they can do it too.

Beautiful fall foliage? Check.

Local and regional history? Check.

Sweet-ass hikes? Check.

Crat beer? Check.

UM, HELLO?!?! Sign me the fuck up.

That sounds amazing.

Ok, enough hype, let's hear from Jodie

IF YOU CAN'T DECIDE, SAY YOU'RE ECLECTIC The two things I like to do most in the world are traveling and writing; their first and second positions shiting nearly constantly. My ultimate dream is to make a living while writing and traveling - maybe the income is a result of both, or maybe it's just writing, and I get to travel while I do it. I don't know yet, but I thought, just in case, maybe I'll try out some sort of travel writing.

I've already published a "travelish book," Versed in Nature: Hiking Northwest Illinois and East Iowa State Parks, which is part guidebook, part nature poetry book, and part memoir, all told through poetry.

But that didn't help me much. The Quad Cities has a plethora of hiking/ walking spots, historic sites, book stores and libraries, and (Yay!) micro and nano breweries.

Accepting I couldn't choose, I decided to put them all together. Ta-da!

Okay, so I was Hiking, History, Books, and Brews; now I had to figure out how to describe my newborn travel writing outlet. I thought of the decorating industry. What do we call people with collections of Precious Moments figurines, cats, neon paisley, and African safari animal art all at the same time all in the same room?

That's it! Eclectic. I would from then on describe my Hiking, History, Books, and Brews website as "an eclectic travel blog."

So, if you can't decide, just throw "eclectic" at it and be done. If you want to read about great hiking, history, book, and/or brew locations, mostly in and around the Quad Cities, check out my site at hikinghistorybooksandbrew.com.

Jodie Toohey lives with her alter-ego, the Wordsy Woman, in Davenport, with her family and collection of koala figurines, Isabel Blooms, nature art, and shelves and shelves of books.

The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

11

More Music Please!

If you've had anything to do with the music scene in the Quad-Cities in the past 30-35 years, chances are you have met or been within proximity of Pat Stolley. Stolley has been involved with the QC music scene in one way or another since he started playing live with local bands at the age of 16. One of the first bands he played with was the notorious local punk band, Meatwagon.

futureappletree studio 2 is open and ready for making music!

by Kristin DeMarr

Photos by Dasha Denger There's a brand new analog recording studio in town. futureappletree studio 2 opened its doors on September 30th during the Lowland Block Party! They are ready for you to come lay a track, mix, or just come and check out the space (and astounding amount of equipment)!

Some of the fondest memories I have from high school through my midtwenties were occasions where mutual friends and I hung out in Stolley's basement with him and his musician friends while they just jammed on their instruments. He is an extremely talented musician and has always had a knack for gathering likewise talented musicians as friends.

When I spoke with Stolley, he said he has pretty much always had recording equipment and at least some kind of home studio since he started playing.

In the beginning he did recordings out of his home. He eventually had his own "real" studio space around 1993-4. He has recorded albums for local bands Tripmaster Monkey, Chrash, The Dawn, The Velies as well as for most of the bands he has been in: The Multiple Cat, The Marlboro Chorus, Struggle in the Hive, The Oliver Twists, and The Orchard Keepers. He also had a record label: futureappletree records (futureappletree.com).

Stolley has been a musician, engineer, and producer at a professional level since at least 1995. He has had his hands somewhere in a recording studio and a record label for the past 20 years. He was one of the founding members of Daytrotter, which has become a very popular venue for music artists across the world. He explained that he and Sean Moeller were hanging out in his recording studio, and Moeller came up with the idea.

Stolley has drited away from Daytrotter (as has Moeller) and is pursuing his vision of an analog and experimental studio space with futureappletree studio 2. These ideas go back to the origins of the Daytrotter studio: recording "live, in a room, with eďŹ&#x20AC;ects, no headphones, no overdubs." (fs2.futureappletree.com). The philosophy for going "back" to old school recordings (vs using all the editing technology available currently) is analogous to a writer going back to using a typewriter, Stolley explained. There is less opportunity or

ability to edit. "Limitation is the most important imposition on the recording process." (fs2.futureappletree.com). An artist has to be more conscious about what they plan on doing, and what their concept is. The theory being that "[m]ore choices does not equal a better recording." (fs2.futureappletree.com).

The studio is right next to Rozz Tox (which has space you can rent to crash between recordings), and the studio is in a building with a guitar repair shop, project studio, and music store (Ragged Records and Music). It seems like the perfect place to be while recording!

If you would like a tour of the studio, a rate quote, or to schedule a time to go lay some tracks and/or mix, contact Pat Stolley at pstolley2000@yahoo.com.

Also, check out the expansive equipment list on their website: http://fs2.futureappletree.com

12

The Gold Coast Almanac - November 2018

will run out of ink.

Leo - What even is "holiday stress"?

You'll learn its in's and out's when your cousin announces that Thanksgiving is going to be at your place this year and she is bringing her international travel club along with her to experience America's biggest day of eating. What I am saying to you is that you are going to have to go back to fucking HyVee again and really stock up.

Virgo - You'll see an email pop up on your phone on the way to work that Sandra is bringing her cupcakes in, which are literally like the crack of cupcakes, so you'll speed up a little, because hello, but then you'll get fucking pulled over for speeding and by the time you finally make it to work they'll be gone.

Libra - You'll continue just being the best despite all odds and contrary belief.

HORRORScope

by Lauren Alexis Wood

mare.

workout?" because you made a big deal about it yesterday and on social media and you'll look around for something you can use to just take you away as soon as possible from this nightmarish hell you've created for yourself.

Pisces - You'll apparently put the tv remote in the bermuda triangle of your home because you will never see it again.

Aries - You'll bring your new sweetheart to family thanksgiving and forget to tell them that your uncle is actually racist.

Scorpio - She will call demanding the child. You must bring her the child!

BRING HER THE GODDAMN CHILD MAN! Bring her the child or suffer the consequences. By that I mean buckle the fuck up for this season's non-stopthrill-ride-blockbuster: "It's a NeverEnding and Unreasonably-Demanding Guilt-Trip-Filled Life". It's like Labyrinth (without David Bowie, any of the music, or any the muppets) meets the newest remake of Stephen King's It m e et s M i s e r y m e et s O n e F l e w Wayyyyyyy Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Sagittarius - You'll make the decision to wear light-colored linen to thanksgiving and you'll get cranberry sauce ALL THE FUCK OVER YOURSELF WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!

Taurus - You'll stay up making a bunch of treats for your coworkers but forget to cover them and then the dog will eat the majority of them overnight. The dog will be just fine. You on the other hand? You've just let the whole office down. God job.

Gemini - You will buy a really expensive water bottle designed to keep liquid at the exact temperature that you tell it to with your mind, specifically to make yourself drink more water, but you'll forget it somewhere and will remember to just light money on fire next time you have such a stupid idea.

Illustrated by Glen Arthur Lowry Capricorn - You'll forget one thing at HyVee and have to go all the way back but the parking lot is a fucking night-

Aquarius - You'll plan to get up early and workout but you'll forget to set your alarm and then you'll be late for work and the FIRST thing anyone says to you is "Hey, did you get up and

Cancer - You'll trip carrying a stack of paper and drop them everywhere and they definitely need to be in a very specific order but there is no fucking possible way in all of science and technology that you can put them back in that proper order so you'll just go to print them all off again but then the printer

If you'd like to actually hold the December issue in your hot little hand next month before you use it as filling to mail packages of Boetje's Mustard to family elsewhere, tell anyone interested in an ad to check out the Masthead (page 3). Happy Eating!