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Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections
LAUGHS&LIFTS is a FREE publication, published monthly and distributed anywhere consumers experience wait times ...and other high traffic business’: hair salons, physician’s offices, hospitals, hotels, senior centers, dentist offices, restaurants, grocery stores, government offices, auto repair shops, car washes, laundromats and many more. Each Edition of LAUGHS&LIFTS contains clean jokes, uplifting articles of faith, recipes, a crossword puzzle, Sudoku puzzles, interesting facts, and quotes ...plus coupons, offers, and value for consumers to take home. LAUGHS&LIFTS is intended to stimulate the minds of customers and their families. The goal of LAUGHS&LIFTS is to engage, entertain, encourage and provide value everywhere within the local community to maximize enjoyment for our readers and exposure to our advertisers.
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Because Laughs&Lifts Deliver…... 1. 2.
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Greater loyalty – When Laughs&Lifts is read by the readers. They share their magazine or tell their friends about Laughs&Lifts. Longevity – Unlike newspapers or weekly shoppers which typically have a one day life, Laughs&Lifts are read days and weeks after they are first published and distributed. Multiple readers – Many are read multiple times in doctors’ offices, beauty shops and auto repair shops. Fun to read, easily digested, informative, non-controversial content designed to keep readers on the page with your ad for a longer time. Large Circulation – 10,000 magazines distributed in your market area means that over 20,000 people will read (REALLY READ) a Laughs&Lifts each month. Over 200 sites in your market area gladly display and offer Laughs&Lifts Free to their customers. 98% Pick-up ratio- For every 10,000 Laughs&Lifts printed, 9800 are picked up and read… many are read by several of your potential customers. The 2% of magazines that are not picked up are given to organizations that distribute to overseas soldiers, prisoners, and shut-ins. Low Cost – Laughs&Lifts rates are lower than other magazines and newspapers.
JULY 2013 Government Philosophy: If it ain't broke, fix it 'till it is. LaughsandLifts.com 2
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
Harbin Jewelers (State Certified Scales)
The Les Nessman character on the TV series WKRP in Cincinnati wore a band-aid in every episode. Either on himself, his glasses, or his clothing.
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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
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They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
MAILING ADDRESS PARRISH PUBLISHING P.O. BOX. 681 â€˘ OZARK, AL 36361
334.379.7603 LaughsandLifts@live.com www.LaughsandLifts.com Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely coincidental and not intended to bring harm or insult to anyone. Information, stories, helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher. Laughs&Lifts is published on or near the first of every month and is distributed throughout the Wiregrass area of Alabama and mailed to subscribers anywhere in the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Laughs&Lifts to P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 While Laughs&Lifts tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our clients advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographic errors or omissions.
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 4
HANDYMAN SERVICE ADDITIONS WINDOWS DOORS SIDING ROOF REPAIRS NEW ROOFS
AWNINGS DECKS POLE BARNS BATHROOMS KITCHENS & MORE
FREE ESTIMATES ALL TYPES OF HOME REPAIR 334-248-4718
LOCATION ANNIVERSARY AUGUST
NOW N FURNITURE, ELECTRONICS, APPLIANCES, ECT. OPSE TUE - SAT 10 AM - 5 PM COME BROWSE & CHECK US OUT. Thanks for shopping with us. We really appreciate your business
ACCEPTING DONATIONS FREE PICK-UP & DELIVERY
334-774-6954 You made me smile so wide........ I can eat a banana side ways.
If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
Find me hiding in the Online Inventory Photos, send me an email and You might WIN a little one of me for the kids!
OLD ICE HOUSE LUNCH BUFFET 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM TUESDAY - FRIDAY AND SUNDAY PRIVATE PARTY ROOM AVAILABLE
140 Jones Street â€˘ Ozark, AL www.theoldicehouserestaurant.com
TAKE-OUTS & CATERING
A procrastinator's work is never done.
House Points "This house," said the real estate salesman, "has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I'm honest, I'm going to tell you about both. The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north." "What are the advantages?" inquired the prospective buyer. "The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing." Passed Note A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." The term "devil's advocate" comes from the Roman Catholic church. When deciding if someone should be sainted, a devil's advocate is always appointed to give an alternative view. JULY 2013 334-379-7603 5
Your garbage disposal eats better than 30% of the people in this world.
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Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them would burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
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Trellis, Asst. Mgr.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Voting for the Democrats because you didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Is like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache. CMJ AUTOMOTIVE LLC 334-618-0759 DBA AS
TIMES HAVE CHANGED Lou Gehrig earned a total of $316,000 during his 17 year career with the New York Yankees. In 1992, a fan paid $363,000 for a Yankee jersey that Gehrig wore during the 1927 season.
PROPHETIC BASEBALL In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first, and only, home run.
DAYS OF YORE!
From Corvettes To Semis
Light & Heavy Duty Towing
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
RULE OF THUMB 1157 Andrews Ave Ozark, AL
MON -FRI 8-5
Jimmy (Ques) Baker Manager
The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
INGRAM MEMORIAL Headstones, Vaults & Any Type of Cemetery Work
Susan Langley, Owner 2360 N. Range St. Dothan, AL
334-792-0044 1-800-598-0045 www.IngramMemorial.com Canada is an Indian word meaning 'Big Village'.
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"You know somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on my windshield, it said, ' parking fine' So that was nice!"
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PRESENT HELP By Wallace Kennedy, Jr
Be encouraged my friends and neighbors, don’t lose hope, we have the victory and we WILL NOT be victims to this fallen world. You may be wondering what our tomorrows may bring, will our desires, dreams and visions ever come to pass. God wants us to live a victorious life; Romans 8:37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Consider the woman that hemorrhaged for 12 long years, she believed when Jesus comes through her community: “if I can get to Him and touch His garment I can be made whole she said”. At the same time Jesus was going to Jairus house to heal His daughter who in fact was already dead, Jesus raised her from the dead (Mark 5). The man that layed by the pool for 38 years for the stirring of the water, had an encounter with Jesus and was healed. The man that was carried and lowered down through the roof top in the presence of Jesus was healed. There are many testimonies of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ healing people in so many ways.
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 8
191 W. Reynolds St. Ozark, AL
"If we concentrated on the really important stuff in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles" What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter? Pumpkin Pi!
Logan’s All Pro Tint • Tire & Accessories
Auto Repair Facility
Yes, we do Vehicle Lettering 171 North Union Ave. Ozark, Alabama
334-774-0059 Life is full of uncertainties ...of course, I could be wrong about that.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
After $10 Mail-In Rebate (Debit Card) June 1- July 31, 2013 Includes: Up to 5 quarts of the oil specified by the vehicle Owner’s Manual, including dexos1 synthetic blend (at conventional oil price) for 2011 and newer vehicles and an ACDELCO oil filter for the $29.95 rebate price. Excludes full synthetic oil and diesel engines.
January 1 - December 31�� 2013 Customer brings in a lower priced ad/written estimate or Internet quote from a competing tire retailer/installer for the exact same tire(s) as one of GM’s12 tire brands.
1801 US Hwy. 231 South, Ozark
A man is weighing himself in the bathroom, sucking in his stomach, when his wife comes in and says sarcastically, "That's not going to help."
NEW EXPANDED LUNCH BUFFET AND SALAD BAR Monday -Friday & Sunday OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS SERVING
Jesus made us a great promise: John 14:16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you forever; The Greek word Comforter means: paraklētos, which means: (1) summoned, called to one's side (2) one who pleads another's cause before a judge, a pleader, counsel for defense, legal assistant, an advocate (3) one who pleads another's cause with one, an intercessor (4) of the Holy Spirit destined to take the place of Christ with the apostles (after his ascension to the Father), to lead them to a deeper knowledge of the gospel truth, and give them divine strength needed to enable them to undergo trials and persecutions on behalf of the divine kingdom. So then, we have it better than those in Jesus day, we have the Holy Spirit abiding in us and with us always. Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble .Psalm 103:1-5 Let all that I am praise the LORD; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the LORD; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s! (NLT)
SHRIMP & CATFISH BUFFET $11.50 Includes Tea
Life is like a donut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 9
Santa saw your Facebook photos…Your getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
Aunt T’s Kitchen
For A Crowd
GREEK PASTA SALAD Ingredients: ·1 (16 ounce) package tri-color rotini pasta ·1 small red onion, diced ·1 cup diced roasted red peppers ·1 cup cubed mozzarella cheese ·1 (6 ounce) jar marinated artichoke hearts, drained and chopped ·1/4 pound salami, diced ·3/4 cup sliced stuffed green olives ·1 (4 ounce) can sliced black olives ·1/2 cup sliced pepperoncini peppers (optional) ·1 teaspoon Italian seasoning ·1/4 teaspoon garlic powder, or to taste ·1 pinch seasoned salt, or to taste ground black pepper to taste ·1/3 cup Italian-style salad dressing ·1/4 cup mayonnaise ·1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil; cook rotini at a boil until tender yet firm to the bite, 8 to 10 minutes. Drain and run under cold water to cool. 2. Mix rotini, red onion, roasted red peppers, mozzarella cheese, artichoke hearts, salami, green olives, black olives, pepperoncini peppers, Italian seasoning, garlic powder, seasoned salt, and black pepper in a large bowl. 3. Whisk Italian-style dressing and mayonnaise together in a small bowl; pour over rotini mixture and toss to coat. Add Parmesan cheese and mix well. Refrigerate salad at least 2 hours before serving. Serves 10
HONEY MUSTARD MACARONI SALAD Ingredients: ·1 (16 ounce) package elbow macaroni ·6 hard-cooked eggs, diced ·1/2 cup diced onion ·1/2 cup diced celery ·1/2 cup diced green bell pepper
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To make a long story short…Don’t tell it.
Kramer made his “entrance” into Jerry Seinfeld's apartment 284 times.
Aunt T’s Kitchen
For A Crowd
·1 cup milk ·1/2 cup sweet pickle relish ·1/3 cup prepared honey mustard ·1/2 teaspoon sea salt ·1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper Directions: 1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Cook elbow macaroni in the boiling water, stirring occasionally until cooked through but firm to the bite, 8 minutes. Drain and rinse macaroni under cold water until chilled. Transfer macaroni to a large salad bowl. 2. Toss pasta with hard-cooked eggs, onion, celery, and green bell pepper. Whisk mayonnaise, milk,pickle relish, and honey mustard in a bowl and pour dressing over the salad; mix well and season with sea salt and ground black pepper. Serves 12
LEMONY VEGETABLE PASTA SALAD Lemon Mayonnaise 1 cup mayonnaise or salad dressing 1/2 cup plain yogurt 1/4 cup lemon juice
1/8 cup chopped fresh or 1/2 tablespoon dried tarragon leaves 1/2 teaspoon salt Pasta Salad Ingredients 1 packages (16 oz each) medium pasta shells 1 1/2 lb asparagus, blanched and cut into 4-inch pieces 1 lb snap pea pods, blanched 8 medium green onions, sliced (1/2 cup) 1 medium yellow bell peppers, coarsely chopped (1 cup) Directions: 1. In large bowl, mix all Lemon Mayonnaise ingredients until well blended; set aside. 2. Cook and drain pasta as directed on package. Rinse with cold water; drain. 3. In large bowl, mix pasta and remaining Pasta Salad ingredients. Stir in Lemon Mayonnaise until well mixed. Cover and refrigerate 1 to 2 hours or until chilled. Makes 12 servings
482 S. Union Ave. OZARK 774-9345 5200 Boll Weevil Cir. ENTERPRISE 393-0503 270 Ross Clark Cir. DOTHAN 794-8521 2606 Ross Clark Cir, DOTHAN 792-1195 177 Hwy. 231 N. TROY 566-3413
A rumor gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 11
There is a fine line between tan and looking like you rolled around in Doritos.
While the allergy season for pets may be similar to the allergy season for people, the symptoms your pet experiences are quite different. People with allergies often sneeze, have a runny nose and itchy eyes. Pets, on the other hand, commonly manifest their allergy symptoms through their skin. Common areas affected by allergies include: face, ears, axillae (arm pits) and abdomen. Symptoms associated with allergies include itching, redness, and hair loss.
While the allergy season for pets Thesebesame symptoms can also be caused by: may similar to the allergy season for people, the symptoms parasites:are Fleas, yourExternal pet experiences quitemites (e.g.: scabies and Demodex) and lice. different. People with allergies Ringworm (morea common with cats) often sneeze, have runny nose Bacterial and yeast infections: and itchy eyes. Pets, on the other while commonly associated with any cause hand, commonly manifest theirof itching, these Infections intensify the degree of itchiness allergy symptoms through their skin. Common affected by pet may be Common typesareas of allergies your allergies include: face, ears, axillae experiencing: (arm pits) and abdomen. Fleas: Fleas are the most common cause of allergies. Flea control is imperative for all pets, but particularly in allergic pets Food: Common culprits: beef, chicken, pork, dairy, fish (cats), corn, wheat and soy. Atopy: Atopy describes a heritable disorder caused by an over-reactive immune system responding to normal, nontoxic substances (e.g.: pollens) in your pet’s environment. Some breeds are predisposed: Golden Retrievers, Terriers, Dalmatians, Bull Dogs. Dogs with allergies should not be bred to prevent transmission of this frustrating disease. Testing for your pet’s specific allergies
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 12
ANIMAL HOSPITAL, LLC
“Your Pet. Their Health. Our Passion.” helps tailor a specific program for your pet and offers the best results. Options for testing include: Blood allergy testing and intradermal skin testing. While there is no cure for allergies, your pet’s symptoms can be relieved with a combination of therapies to treat for infections, parasites and itching. Patients that undergo allergy testing will begin "allergy shots" to help control symptoms. The goal of any allergy therapy is to control the itching and limit skin and ear infections. Your veterinarian will discuss with you the best strategy to offer relief for your pet’s allergies. Lee Windham, DVM Healing Hands Animal Hospital 652 W. Roy Parker Road Ozark, Al 36360 334-774-2263 www.healinghandsanimalhospital.com firstname.lastname@example.org
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Monday-Friday 6 Saturday 6-12
The fortune you seek is in another cookie.
Getting something done in Congress is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
ASK DR. GAUNT
Last month I introduced our next series of articles: tough decisions that patients and dentists have to make regarding treatment-a reader driven topic based on your own tough decisions. I was asked about the choice between Implants vs. Bridge to replace a missing tooth. Wow, that is a tough one. Neither option is wrong, so I'll start with some benefits of choosing an implant since they are the newer kid on the block! Implants treat the space only without crowning both teeth next to the space; often the implant can be placed the same time a tooth is taken out, and implants can save the bone and gum structure that deteriorates after a tooth is removed. Ok, Bridge...Can be used if bone quality is not good for an implant; less overall treatment time; less out of pocket expense, especially if you have dental insurance. Great first "tough decision"! If Imagine our beautiful and functional custom designed you need a tie-breaker on an cabinets in your home. You’ll love the style and affordability. issue, feel free to call us for advice. Send me another idea for SOUTHERN INSTALLATION next month!
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FREE In Home Estimates by Dan Barefield Cell 334.726.3459 Office 334.774.9579
Auto-Owners Insurance offers broad, Flexible Protection for your car and you! Choose from a Variety of programs designed to fit your needs. We Also have many discounts available such as Multi-policy, multi-car and good student discount.
A smile costs nothing but gives much. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
Call or visit us today!
ircle Insurance Agency 863 Andrews Avenue Ozark, Alabama 36360
334-774-7177 Sammy Judah
When it does not exist…design it.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 13
What is the most important thing to learn in Chemistry?
Never lick the spoon.
Smile For the DMV
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," he reassured the man, "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "That is a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
SOME PEOPLE FIND FAULT LIKE THERE IS A REWARD FOR IT
JUMPING AT CONCLUSIONS IS NOT HALF AS MUCH EXERCISE AS DIGGING FOR FACTS
MIKE’S GUN SHOP
This Home Is A Charmer. Beautiful Hardwood Floors In Grandroom And Separate Dining. Large Updated Kitchen With Bar. This One You Will Have To See. Room For A Second Bath In Laundry Area. Extra Large Bedrooms, Nice Wide Hall Ways.
1280 E. Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND • MULTI-FAMILY
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9 - 5:30 Mon - Sat
We Aim To Please
1287 E. Hwy 134 Pinckard, AL 36371
Only dead fish go with the flow.
LEGAL: Used to mean lawful, now it means some kind of loophole.
OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT
Dale County’s Small Business Incubator “Where Business Begins & Industry Grows.” 3269 Hwy 231 S. Ozark, AL 36360 Friends Like That A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."
GET YOUR TOOLS FOR THE SUMMER! GET
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Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less. ~ Rabbi Julius Gordon TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE. SURVIVAL STRATEGY: As a "Prepper," Jason Deon Thomas, 32, of St. Petersburg, Fla., was preparing for the end of the world, and he intended to survive. To help, he had amassed 29 assorted guns, including a machine gun, and plenty of ammunition, along with bulletproof vests, body armor, helmets, and gas masks. Among other problems, Thomas isn't allowed to possess weapons: he's not only a convicted felon, but he's also on probation. A neighbor called police because he thought Thomas was a drug dealer, and sure enough the search also found cocaine, marijuana, and other drugs, as well as $7,390 in cash in Thomas's house. Thomas pleaded guilty to several federal charges, and was sentenced to 8 years in prison. (RC/Tampa Bay Times) ...So, he gets to live rent-free in a concrete bunker? Mission accomplished!
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 15
COMMUNITY PEOPLE QUALITY HEALTHCARE
Dale Medical Center
Thyroid Uptake and Scan Now Available at Dale Medical Center Dale Medical Center is happy to announce that their Nuclear Medicine Department will now be performing Thyroid Uptake and Scans. This scan will help doctors to better diagnose problems with the Thyroid Gland. The Thyroid Gland is located in the lower portion of the neck and wraps around the trachea or windpipe. It has two lobes attached to one another by the isthmus. Some say it is shaped like a butterfly with the lobes being the wings of the butterfly. The Thyroid Gland produces and stores hormones. Some of the functions of these hormones are to help manage heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature and metabolism. High (hyperthyroidism) or low (hypothyroidism) levels of these hormones can cause many problems for patients. These levels can be tested for with blood tests. The patients doctor may order other tests (Ultrasound, Nuclear Medicine, Biopsy) to
determine why these levels vary from normal and to gain more information about the patients Thyroid Gland.
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 16
A Nuclear Medicine Thyroid Uptake and Scan can provide a lot of information to your Doctor. It can relate the general structure of the Thyroid Gland and determine the degree of function in clinically-defined areas or nodules. The location of ectopic thyroid tissue can be determined. This scan can help the doctor differentiate different causes of hyperthyroidism and can assist in evaluation of congenital hypothyroidism. Before The Exam: ● Do not eat or drink anything for 2 hours before and after the first visit to the Nuclear Medicine Department. ● Patient should avoid foods high in iodine (Sushi, Kelp products, Seafood) for 2 weeks before the exam. ● Patient must not have had Iodinated Contrast Material (CT, IVP or Angio) for 4 weeks before the exam. ● Synthroid®, Levoxyl®, Levothyroxine® or other thyroid hormones should be discontinued 6 weeks before the exam. ● Cytomel® (T3) or Liothyronine should be discontinued 2 weeks before the exam. ● Antithyroid medications should be discontinued 4 days before the exam. ● Don’t discontinue any medications without first talking to doctor. During Your Exam: ● The Nuclear Medicine Technologist will explain the exam and answer any questions you may have. The patient will make three trips to the Nuclear Medicine Department. On the first trip the patient will be given a small radioactive iodine capsule to swallow. On the second trip, 6 hours after swallowing the capsule, an uptake measurement will be performed and pictures taken of the thyroid gland. This will take approximately 1 hour. Then on the third visit, 24 hours after swallowing the capsule, another uptake measurement will be performed. This visit will take approximately 15 minutes. ● The Nuclear Medicine Technologist will use an uptake probe for the uptake measurements and a gamma camera to take the pictures. These devices do not emit any radiation. They detect and record the distribution of the radioactive iodine in the Thyroid Gland. After the Exam ● The study will be reviewed by a Nuclear Medicine Physician and the results sent to your doctor. Your physician will discuss these results with you.
126 HOSPITAL AVE • OZARK, AL 36360 334-774-2601 Visit Our Website At www.DaleMedical.org For the latest news & Health information
SUMMER TIME IS HERE … SNAKES ARE OUT and ABOUT… DO NOT's
Snake bites Snake bites occur when a snake bites the skin. They are medical emergencies if the snake is poisonous.
Do NOT allow the person to become over-exerted. If necessary,carry the person to safety. Do NOT apply a tourniquet. Do NOT apply cold compresses to a snake bite. Do NOT cut into a snake bite with a knife or razor. Do NOT try to suck out the venom by mouth. Do NOT give the person stimulants or pain medications unless a doctor tells you to do so. Do NOT give the person anything by mouth.
When to Contact a Medical Professional
Considerations Snake bites can be deadly if not treated quickly. Children are at higher risk for death or serious complications due to snake bites because of their smaller body size.
Causes All snakes will bite when threatened or surprised, but most will usually avoid people if possible and only bite as a last resort. Snakes found in and near water are often mistaken as being poisonous. Most species of snake are harmless and many bites are not life-threatening, but unless you are absolutely sure that you know the species, treat it seriously.
First Aid 1. Keep the person calm, reassuring them that bites can be effectively treated in an emergency room. Restrict movement as much as possible to reduce the flow of venom. 2. Remove any rings or constricting items because the affected area may swell. Create a loose splint to help restrict movement of the area. 3. If the area of the bite begins to swell and change color, the snake was probably poisonous. 4. Monitor the person's vital signs -- temperature, pulse, rate of breathing, and blood pressure -- if possible. If there are signs of shock (such as paleness), lay the person flat, raise the feet about a foot, and cover the person with a blanket. 5. Get medical help right away. 6. Bring in the dead snake only if this can be done safely. Do not waste time hunting for the snake, and do not risk another bite if it is not easy to kill the snake. Be careful of the head when transporting it -- a snake can actually bite for several hours after it's dead (from a reflex).
Call 911 or your local emergency number if someone has been bitten by a snake. If possible, call ahead to the emergency room so that anti venom can be ready when the person arrives. You may also call the National Poison Control Center (1-800-222-1222•). The center can be called from anywhere in the United States. This national hotline number will let you talk to experts in poisoning. They will give you further instructions. This is a free and confidential service. All local poison control centers in the United States use this national number. You should call if you have any questions about poisoning or poison prevention. It does NOT need to be an emergency. You can call for any reason, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Prevention Avoid areas where snakes may be hiding, such as under rocks and logs. Even though most snakes are not poisonous, avoid picking up or playing with any snake unless you have been properly trained. If you hike often, consider buying a snake bite kit (available from hiking supply stores). Do not use older snake bite kits, such as those containing razor blades and suction bulbs. Don't provoke a snake. That is when many serious snake bites occur. Tap ahead of you with a walking stick before entering an area where you can't see your feet. Snakes will try to avoid you if given enough warning. When hiking in an area known to have snakes, wear long pants and boots if possible. JULY 2013
Laughs& Laughs &Lifts
“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible!” …Audrey Hepburn
OZARK COLLISION CENTER Expert Auto Body Repair at Reasonable Rates Logan Webb & Chad Causey 334-791-5715
28 YEARS EXPERIENCE
493 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL 36360 OzarkCollisionCenter@gmail.com
Shop # 334-774-2886 Fax # 334-774-2891
SOLUTION ON PAGE 26
FISHING TACKLE & BAIT Crickets, Worms & More
BUILDERS CASH & CARRY 855 S. Daleville Ave. Daleville, AL 598-2481 JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 18
Mummies who take vacation will relax and unwind.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall after a mediocre summer.
STAND OUT & ATTRACT ATTENTION WITH FULL COLOR ADS & FULL COLOR PRINTING FROM
334-379-7603 FIND AT LEAST TEN DIFFERENCES IN THESE PHOTOS
HUNGRY? COME ON DOWN &
TRY OUR FOOD! Dine In Only. With These Coupons Only. Substitutes and drinks are extra. Not Valid with any other offer.
BREAKFAST FOR TWO ONLY
2 Eggs, Bacon, or Sausage Grits, Toast, Jelly for 2 BACON DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER PLATTER
Dine In Only. With this Coupon Only. Substitutes and drinks are extra. Not Valid with any other offer.
Served with your choice Of Potato
NEXT DOOR TO THE KANGAROO ON 231 S. 4074 Hwy 231 South Ozark , AL
With the Purchase Of a Drink
BRAIN: An apparatus with which we think we think.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 19
Man’s most important senses…Horse and Common. Government Pipe Specifications 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 20
Highway 52 West ~ Malvern, AL 36349
Owners MICHAEL & DAISY MILLS Peas
A big shout out to sidewalks… Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
A wise man always makes sure that his wife’s birthday cake is short one candle.
TREE FROG We Have Hidden This Tree Frog in this Months Edition Of Laughs&Lifts 2 People will win a prize package from area business’ Find All 4 Tree Frogs & FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS: Mail the names of the 4 business’ in which You found the Tree Frogs along with Your Name, Phone # and Address, TO: Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, AL 36361 OR E-mail same to:LaughsandLifts@live.com Subject Line: TREE FROGS NO PHONE CALLS Drawing Held On the 20th of the Month
At the bank, I told the cashier, I’d like to open a joint account please.” OK, with whom?” “Whoever has lots of money.
the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.
YOU DO! 30,000
Reach Them With This ¼ page ad in Laughs&Lifts Family Magazine.
Distributed in over 300 locations In Dale, Houston, Pike, Coffee Geneva, Henry, & Barbour Counties To advertise in Laughs&Lifts call Roger
334-379-7603 Famous Last Words: “This is Easy!”
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. JULY 2013 334-379-7603 21
LIBERAL: A man who feels it is his responsibility to spend a conservatives money.
CONGRATULATIONS TO: Mandy Hughes & Kris Senn
Where the Flocks Gather
They found The Dalmatian in the June Edition of Laughs&Lifts. They Have Won;
We do birthday, wedding & special occasion cakes and cupcakes. Also available are cookies, candies, bars, loaf breads, muffins, cheese straws, cheese balls, and other light hors d’oeuvres
1 Free Lunch Tues- Fri from The Old Ice House Restaurant in Ozark 2 FREE Passes & a Bucket of Animal Food from McClellans Zoo in Banks, 1 Free Lunch from KC’s Donuts & Dogs in Ozark & 1 Laughs&Lifts T-Shirt RING AROUND THE ROSEY The nursery rhyme Ring Around the Rosey is a
rhyme about the plague. Infected people with the plague would get red circular sores ("Ring around the rosey..."), these sores would smell very badly so common folks would put flowers on their bodies somewhere (inconspicuously), so that it would cover the smell of the sores ("...a pocket full of poseys..."), People who died from the plague would be burned so as to reduce the possible spread of the disease ("...ashes, ashes, we all fall down!")
GET PUNCHED FOR LUNCH BUY 6 LUNCHES AND RECEIVE 7TH FREE
THE BEST CHILI DAWGS & HAMBURGERS AROUND! PLUS SANDWICHES, SALADS & WRAPS 774-3294 ~ Downtown Ozark ~ 173 S. Union JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 22
Dianne Cobb, Owner 334.479.2253 158 Broad Street Ozark, Alabama 36360
INTERSTATE HIGHWAYS The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies PARK STATUES If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
HAVE You Considered Applying for YOUR Social Security? Are you confused about the process or have you already
BEEN DENIED YOUR BENEFITS?
Rose Clark Hallford Has been Representing Clients in Disability Claims FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS FREE CONSULTATION 334-443-3000
406 Ben St. • Suite 100 Near the Ft. Rucker gate
Ozark, Alabama 36360
TWICE: Once too Often
Telling an angry woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat! CROSSWORD LEVEL EASY Across 1. Flatten 5. The ___ button 9. He fiddled while Rome burned 10. Czech capital 12. Box 13. Brown, of hair 14. Personal quirk 15. Most festive 16. Makes more animated 19. Strips 20. Dreary song 24. Drink 26. Edge 29. Raise your hand at auction 30. Crystal clear 31. Without thinking 32. ____ file: Frederick Forsyth spy thriller 33. On the ocean 34. Marries 35. German guy
Down 1. Shoe section 2. Complain 3. Big tech company 4. Neither's partner 5. Look after a child 6. Chills and fever 7. Nasty dogs 8. Spiderman's real name 10. Part of a website 11. "Hotel____" movie 17. Malady 18. WW II victory symbols 21. Type of sugar 22. Thyroid problem 23. Win over 25. Phi ___ Kappa 26. Move like lava 27. Bad-mannered 28. Wiped out the competition 31. Cheer leader cheer
SOLUTION ON PAGE 26 THE DOOR Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was ? Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories
from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. Thank goodness for studies like this.
It's not our age, it's that darn door....
The Sawyers Produce 220 W. Malvern Hwy Malvern, Alabama 334-793-6690
I can always tell if they use fake dinosaurs in movies.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 23
Worst Country & Western Song: Saddle Up The Stove, Ma, Iâ€™m Riding The Range Tonight!
Park Litter Attendant
No experience necessary, just pick it up as you go along.
HOURS & LOCATIONS M & W & F 8 - 5 At the Farm in Skipperville Tu 8 - 3 & Th 8 - 12 At The Farm in Skipperville Tu 4 - 6 Ozark Farmers Market (Across the St. from City Hall) Th 2 - 6 Dothan 84 West Farmers Market Sat 8- 5 Ozark Farmers Market (Across the St. from City Hall) Sat 8- 5 Popular Head Farmers Market (Dothan)
WORD PICTURE PUZZLE
ANSWERS ON PAGE 30 Blonde Loses Cell Phone!!
This blonde lost her cell phone so she went to a pay phone and called it. Her purse started to ring. She was like "OMG someone is trying to call me at the same time I am!" JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 24
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
DRIVE: A shot that comes after the whiff & before the Mulligan.
It was spring break and time for us to break out the camping and fishing gear. This year Danny, his son, my boys and I went to North Georgia. We had planned this trip for months and planned on going up for and staying for the whole week of spring break. We had checked out the weather a few days before it was time to leave and the forecast was cold with a slight chance of snow. That didn’t break our spirit at all; we just prepared for the weather and went. We started our journey that Monday morning. It was already cold at home and I was thinking to myself that it was really going to be cold up in those mountains. When we finally made it up to the entrance to the National Forest we had a long 8 mile drive on a dirt road up through the mountains and it was already beginning to snow. We finally made it to the lake where we would be camping and it was beautiful. The snow was falling gently around the cold clear water adding to the beauty. Our journey wasn’t over yet though. We unpacked on the shore line and had to paddle everything across the lake on our canoes to get to our official home away from away aka….the campsite. The snow storm got worse as the day went on and it just got colder and colder. We had a big fire going and had the tents set up. We found ourselves in a somewhat survival situation. What assured our survival in this snow storm was; shelter, fire, water, and the food we had with us. The next day woke up to a winter wonder land. I was sure that we were going to be snowed in for awhile but we were fine because we had assured our survival because we had prepared by bringing what was necessary to stay warm, dry and fed. It wasn’t a very comfortable situation but we survived it. What are some assurances you have for your spiritual survival when the storms of life are bad? CONTINUED 0N PAGE 27 If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of Free advice from folks who didn’t succeed either.
Plus Tax & Shipping
I’m not tense. I’m just terribly, terribly, alert.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 25
Why is it so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to?
C & B FARM & PRODUCE
SUDOKU 1 SOLUTION
FRESH VEGETABLES FROM OUR FARM C & B FARM PEAS • C & B FARM TOMATOES C & B FARM SQUASH, CUCUMBERS & NEW POTATOES C & B FARM WATERMELONS , CANTELOPES & PEPPERS
HIGHWAY 123 SOUTH AT THE INTERSECTION OF HWY 84 WICKSBURG, ALABAMA 334-726-3278 OR 334-726-3277
SUDOKU 2 SOLUTION
BIG DEAL I don’t know what the big deal is. Putting my toddler to bed is easy. In fact, just tonight, I did it 25 times.
LAW & DISORDER Q. Can you write? A. A little. Q. Have you ever been in prison? A. Yes, Sir. Q. For what? A. Forgery.
LAWN & ORDER
Reasonable Rates ~ FREE Estimates YEAR ROUND LAWN MAINTENANCE Lawn Cutting & Grooming Small Tree Trimming Debris Removal Pressure Washing JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 26
Austin Mitchell 334-733-9322 Christopher Jolly 334-237-8447 People say I’ve no taste but I like you.
KLEPTOMANIAC: A person who helps himself because he can’t help himself. CONTINUED FROM PAGE 25 You know those times that I am talking about. It’s the times you say, “I’m not going to make it through this, this is too hard and too uncomfortable for me.” What is your assurance in those bad times? The Bible says in Hebrews 10: 22-23, “Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies mashed with pure water. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; for He is faithful.” This passage is saying that we as Christians have been made new. We need to draw near with a true heart of the understanding that our Savior, the Lord Jesus, is faithful. We know He will never leave us. In John 4:13 it states, “Hereby know we that we dwell in Him, and He in us, because He hath given us of His spirit.” There are times that you might experience some hard times in God’s creation just like we did, but we made it through because we came together as a team to assure our survival. It made our friendship with each other that much stronger. It’s the same in the storms in your life. Your assurance is in Christ Jesus and you have brothers in Christ that you can go through life’s struggles as a team. You will be strengthened in your faith in Christ and in your relationships with your fellow believers in Christ. I’m TJ Ward with Trails to God’s Great Outdoors; get outside and enjoy God’s great outdoors.
Check Printing Services 334-379-7603
322 Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL
WEDDING RING: A one-man band.
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 27
ABBREVIATION: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning. Things You May Hear Just Before Unemployment - I don't know what we'll do without you, but we are going to try! - We told everyone you are leaving because of illness. The truth is I'm sick of you. - Its not that you aren't a responsible worker. In fact, you've been responsible for more disasters than any one else in the place. - Today I'm going to mix business with pleasure. You're fired! - I've got good news for you. You won't have to worry about being late for work ever again. - Tell me - how long have you been with us not counting tomorrow?
BREAKFAST FOR DINNER
Wife: I’m making breakfast for dinner tonight. What do you want?
Sedation Dentistry Sedation Dentistry is a revolutionary way to accomplish your dental treatments without fear or anxiety. You dream…we work. Sedation Dentistry is often used during procedures that require an extensive amount of time in the treatment chair, and sedation is ideal for patients who exhibit dental phobia. Sedation Dentistry offers anxiety-free dental procedures as the patient is in a deeply relaxed state. though fully responsive. It means something even more important, a comfortable experience, so that little is felt or remembered from the dentistry procedure. When you awake, you are well rested, and your smile is healthier and more beautiful.
Geoff M. Gaunt, DMD Aesthetic General Dentistry 2431 West Main Street, Dothan, AL 334-673-7440 DothanCosmeticDentistry.com SYNONYM: A word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
Me: Bacon. Wife: And? Me: *Blank Stare* Me: A Napkin JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com 28
How Hot Is It? Ask this Raccoon.
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."…..C.S. Lewis
B THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 2,25” H $135.00 EACH QUARTER $50 PER MONTH IF PAYING BY THE MONTH
THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 1” H $94.50 EACH QUARTER $35/Month APPLIANCE REPAIR & SALES
Appliance Sales • Parts • Service 334-379-3135
697-B North Union Ave. • Ozark, AL. 32 Years Exp
S RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL….WE GET IT DONE!
Logan’s Cleaners & Alterations
Take It Up or Let It Out! Buttons, Zippers, Hems & Mending
Quality Work at Fair Prices 774-8012
618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL
Vintage Treasures Antiques & More 20 + Vendors With Unique 1 Of A Kind Items
1880 South Union Ave. Suite C Ozark, AL. 36360
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. ~ Robert Byrne
WE BUY CARS 445-1460
Ozark Tire & service 774-1416
● New & Used Tires ● Oil Changes 453 South Union Ave. ● Road Side Service Ozark, AL
INKY’S SOUTH UNION GARAGE “Your 1 Stop Transmission Shop. We Take Pride In Your Ride!” Full Service Auto Garage • Oil Change • Tune-up • Brakes • Tires • Exhaust • Suspension • A/C • Front-End
24 HOUR TOWING & ROADSIDE
Mon-Fri 7 AM - 6 PM •• Sat 7 AM - 3 PM 334-774-5650
392 South Union Ave. • Ozark, AL
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 29
The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not our circumstances…. Martha Washington
B THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 2,25” H $135.00 EACH QUARTER
CHECK PRINTING SERVICE
$50 PER MONTH IF PAYING BY THE MONTH
Jennifer Mcleod has FINANCING FOR EVERYONE § Everyone Approved § No Credit § Bad Credit
THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 1” H $94.50 EACH QUARTER $35/Month
2618 US Highway 231 N. Ozark, AL
Check Printing Services 322 Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL
334.379.7603 CLEANERS AND LAUNDRY
LOGAN’S Michelle Glaze, Owner SOUP & SANDWICH LUNCH 158 Broad Street 11 AM - 2 PM Monday - Saturday Ozark, AL 334-479-2253 Facebook.com/EastAvenueBakeShoppe
KC’s Donuts & Dawgs R Serving Donuts, Breakfast & Lunch Downtown Ozark 774-3294 ~ 173 S. Union Ave.
OLE TIMEY BARBER SHOP
M-F 6-5 Sat 6-12
618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.
INVENTORY REDUCTION SALE Second Time Around Women’s Consignment
El Palacio Square ~ Hwy 231 S. ~ Ozark, AL Tues-Fri 10-5 • Sat 10-2
ANSWERS TO WORD PUZZLE 1.Point blank range 2. Walk in the Park 3. Tip of the Iceberg 4. Horsing around 5. 1 if by land 2 if by sea 6. He came out of nowhere
JULY 2013 LaughsandLifts.com
25% To 50% Off Our Already Low Prices!
Rucker Blvd. Across From Enterprise Chevrolet
El Palacio Square
DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY
Tyre Electrical & Plumbing “Specializing in Services Calls of All Types” 30 Years Experience! Licensed, Insured & Bonded
Confucius say: To make egg Roll, Push it.
DISNEY LAND: The world’s largest people trap, built by a mouse. FLOORING
INSURANCE We all feel the same commitment to care for our families. Helping you meet your insurance needs is part of my commitment to you.
Wood ~ Ceramic ~ Carpet TILE SHOWER SPECIALIST
334-445-2866 936 Andrews Ave. • Ozark, AL 36360
Hardwood • Ceramic • Carpet • Laminate Affordable Pricing & Professional Installation
• 646 US Hwy 231 North • Ozark
S I N
Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®
Jenna Mack, Agent Ozark, AL 36360 334-774-2020
CALL ME TODAY!
email@example.com State Farm, Home Office, Bloomington, IL
LAWN MOWING LEWIS LAWN MOWING All Your Lawn Mowing & Edging Needs
ART LEWIS OWNER OZARK/DOTHAN ALABAMA
DOTHAN GOLD EXCHANGE
Across From UPS
WE BUY GOLD & SILVER
TOP DOLLAR PAID
4177 Montgomery Hwy. Unit 6 Dothan, AL 334-699-4653
HANDY MAN SERVICES No Job Too Small Licensed and Insured
WE BUY MOTORCYCLES 334-406-9188 PROPANE
CHRIS AND EDDIE ADKINS 334-774-2448 334-379-4831
E IC V R E S N A M Y D N A H A&A E zark, AL Street ~ O 673 James
INSURANCE Sammy Judah ~ Donna Shuman Call or visit us today!
SEWING MACHINES SALES & SERVICE
ircle Insurance Agency T 863 Andrews Ave. ~ Ozark, Al. 36360
SEWING & VACUUM CENTER
PARTS FOR ALL BRANDS OF SEWING MACHINES & VACUUM CLEANERS
2507 MONTGOMERY HWY. AZALEA PLAZA DOTHAN, AL
O THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 1” H $94.50 EACH QUARTER $35/Month
SUMO WRESTLING: Survival of the Fattest.
Bill & Pat’s
THRIFT STORE OPEN TUESDAY-SATURDAY 9 AM - 5 PM 347 MERRICK AVE. OZARK, AL
774-6954 733-0078 701-4943
JULY 2013 334-379-7603 31
Nothing sells like full color! Now it’s easier than ever to have the marketing materials you need...
Did YOU Know… COLOR
• Business Cards • Sell Sheets
• Rack Cards
• Booklets and more!
increases readership by
• Memo Pads
• Presentation Folders
Increases the Desire to act on an offer by
increases Ad recall by
Call today for a quote or more information!
Call Roger @ 334-379-7603 2013 TURNAROUND LOW QUANTITIESJULY FAST LaughsandLifts.com