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Issue 61 August 2013


Tact is the ability to build a fire under people without making their blood boil.

SUMMER SPECIAL

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Character is what you are, Reputation is what people think you are.

Thank You For 5 Years!! This Issue begins Laughs&Lifts 6th Year of bringing Laughter & Encourage to you. We thank you and pray for God’s blessings to all our loyal advertisers and faithful readers. I pray we have made a difference in your life and in our community. Please continue to pray for us. Publisher Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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EARTHQUAKE: A topographical error


My family puts the “fun” back in dysfunctional!

Harbin Jewelers (State Certified Scales)

774-4427 I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.

Protect your world

Call me today to discuss your options. Some people think Allstate only protects your car. Truth is, Allstate can also protect your home or apartment, your boat, motorcycle - even your retirement and your life. And the more of your world you put in Good Hands®, the more you can save.

Auto-Home Life-Retirement

Mark Goodson (334) 347-3333 804Bollweevil Circle Enterprise a049146@allstate.

Putting our community in Good Hands® for over 30 years. Insurance subject to terms, qualifications and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Insurance Company, Allstate Vehicle and Property Insurance Company. Life insurance and annuities issued by Lincoln Benefit Life Company, Lincoln, NE, Allstate Life Insurance Company,Northbrook, IL, and American Heritage Life Insurance Company, Jacksonville, FL. In New York, Allstate Life Insurance Company of New York, Hauppauge, NY. Northbrook, IL. © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company.

I’m a social vegan…I avoid meet.

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 3


A preposition isn’t a good thing to end a sentence with.

Laughs&Lifts MAILING ADDRESS PARRISH PUBLISHING P.O. BOX. 681 • OZARK, AL 36361

334.379.7603 LaughsandLifts@live.com www.LaughsandLifts.com Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely coincidental and not intended to bring harm or insult to anyone. Information, stories, helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher. Laughs&Lifts is published on or near the first of every month and is distributed throughout the Wiregrass area of Alabama and mailed to subscribers anywhere in the world. Subscriptions are $30/year. Send a $30 check made out to Laughs&Lifts to P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 While Laughs&Lifts tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our clients advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographic errors or omissions.

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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An Elderly patient went to have her teeth checked, “Mrs. Bailey, your teeth are good for the next 50 years.” Beamed the Dentist,To which she replied, “What will they ever do without me?” GET YOUR TOOLS FOR THE SUMMER! GET

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Old fashioned southern-style BBQ. Slow cooked, on all natural, southeastern hard woods. We hand select each cut of meat, And we buy fresh daily, from local sources. If you like it, tell a friend about us. Pork Samich, with or without sauce……………..…………..……$.99 ¼ lb Southern -Style Sausage Dawg ……..………….…………...$3.99 Grilled Chicken Samich……………………………………………….….$5.99 ½ lb Burger…………………………………………….……….….………….$5.99 Foot and ½ Sausage Dawg…………………….….…………………...$6.99 Really, Really BIG Pork Samich…………………….…………..…….$6.99 Club Samich….…….….…….….…….…….……….…….…………….….$6.99 Peppers, Onions, Kraut, Chili, Cheese, Slaw (Each)….$.75

Includes one side item and a large drink. Add another side for only$2.99 Pork Samich, with or without sauce………………….….$6.99 Chicken Tenders……………………………………………..……$6.99 Southern-style Sausage Dawg…….…………….………….$7.99 Foot Long Sausage Dawg…….…………….………………….$9.99 Chicken Wing Plate….….……………………………………....$7.99 ½ lb. Loose Pork, with or without sauce……….………$8.99 Grilled Chicken Samich….……………………………………..$8.99 ½ Pound Burger………………………….…………………….….$8.99 Club Samich…………….……………………………………………$9.99 Really, Really BIG Pork Samich…………………….……….$9.99 ½ Chicken Dinner………………………………………….……..$9.99 Pork Spare Rib Plate………………………………….……….$11.99 ½ lb. Sliced Brisket (Samich or loose meat)………….$11.99

French Fries (All You Can Eat)……………………………….. …$3.50 Fried Okra………………………………..……………………….….…..$3.50 Onion Rings……………………………………………………………....$3.50 Fried Mac-N-Cheese………………………………………………....$3.50 Corn Nuggets…….…………………………….……………….……...$3.50 Brunswick Stew……………………………………………….………..$3.50 Home Made Chili…………………………………………….……..…$3.50 BBQ Baked Beans……………………………………………..……...$3.50 Kids Specials (Includes Fries)………………………….Only $3.99 BBQ Samich - Chicken Tenders - Hot Dog - Corn Dog Tater Salad……………………………………………………………….$3.50 Home Made Sauces: Cole Slaw………………………………………………………………....$3.50 Sweet BBQ -Spicy BBQ -Napoleon - Buffalo - Crazy Horse Side salad………………………………………………………….……..$3.50 Strawberry/Peach Cobbler……………………………………….$4.50 BY THE POUND Pork $10 Chicken $13.00 Brisket $15 Loaded Baked Tater………………………………………………….$6.99 Huge Salad (Pork, Fried Ham, Taco, Chicken or Brisket)…..$6.99

LET US CATER YOUR NEXT PARTY

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For Orders Call 334.445.4294 (HAWG) Facebook.com/hawgndawgz

DINE IN or TAKE OUT AUGUST 2013 LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM

Laughs &

Lifts

5


If you’re an atheist, who do you thank when it's Friday? CMJ AUTOMOTIVE LLC 334-618-0759 DBA AS

The Voice Of God By Wallace Kennedy, Jr

A child at a very young age identifies with the voice of the parents, after hearing them speak for a certain length of time they become familiar with their parents voice. The child is able to discern the voice of the parents from other people. Similarly God has endowed us with the capacity to recognize His voice. Over a period of time we can learn to distinguish God speaking to us through His Word and the response we get when we pray. The Holy Spirit, teaches, guides, helps, bring things learned to remembrance, and empowers us. Some key factors to help identify God’s voice. · Is what we hearing consistent with the Word (Scriptures) of God? By examining the Scriptures we will know the Words, character and nature of God. Our enemy and other people will try and make us feel guilty/condemnation, Romans 8:1 says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. God is just and faithful to forgive, so it is not His voice condemning us.

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1157 Andrews Ave Ozark, AL

MON -FRI 8-5

Jimmy (Ques) Baker Manager

The best way to succeed in Life is to Start from scratch… And keep on scratching!

1 John 4:1 Dear Christian friends, do not believe every Continued on next page 9

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 After all is said and done, a lot more is said than done. & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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My Grandmother is eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. She drinks straight from the cartoon.

We Have BACK 2 SCHOOL MONEY for You! 50% Off The Interest On 1st Payment of New Loan

We are giving away 6 Back to School Book Bags Come Visit us Today!

Kim, Manager Trellis, Asst. Mgr.

Good Night Kiss All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" "Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"

Pearl Dream After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

INGRAM MEMORIAL

Headstones, Vaults & Any Type of Cemetery Work

Susan Langley, Owner 2360 N. Range St. Dothan, AL

334-792-0044 1-800-598-0045 www.IngramMemorial.com Is there another word for synonym?

A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 7


If something doesn’t feel right, your not feeling the right thing.

Agriculture Politics

WEDDING GOWNS & FORMALS CLEANING AND PRESERVING

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture Washington, D.C.

Boots • Belts • Hats • Caps • Gloves • Shoes

COMFORTERS AND QUILTS

Dear Sir, My friend, Buba Peterson, over at Alexandria, LA, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs. If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise? Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election. Patriotically Yours, Mr. Smith P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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LOGAN’S CLEANERS & LAUNDRY 774-8012 618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.

Monday-Friday 6 Saturday 6-12

This house is in terrific condition and has it all! The huge walk-in closet in master for the lady; the extra 2 car detached garage/shop for the gentleman! A laundry room to die for spacious with storage cabinets, pull down ironing board. 1280 E. Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND • MULTI-FAMILY

334-983-GUNS

MIKE’S GUN SHOP 9 - 5:30 Mon - Sat

We Aim To Please

1287 E. Hwy 134 Pinckard, AL 36371

A man usually feels better after a few winks… especially if she winks back.


If your teenage daughter wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

$100 / $50 Mail-In Rebate

(Rebate issued as a Debit Card)

With the purchase of four eligible tires. August 1 through September 30, 2013

EVERYDAY 30-DAY TIRE PRICE MATCH GUARANTEE

January 1 - December 31�� 2013 8/1 - 9/30 $100 rebate: Bridgestone, Customer brings in a lower priced ad/written Continental, Goodyear, Hankook, and Perilli. estimate or Internet quote from a competing tire 8/1 - 9/30 $50 rebate: BFGoodrich, Dunlop, retailer/installer for the exact same tire(s) as one of GM’s12 tire brands. Firestone, General, and Michelin.

1801 US Hwy. 231 South, Ozark

Dog Days The sultry part of the summer, supposed to occur during the period that Sirius, the Dog Star, rises at the same time as the sun: now often reckoned from July 3 to August 11.

OFFICE SPACE FOR RENT

Dale County’s Small Business Incubator “Where Business Begins & Industry Grows.” 3269 Hwy 231 S. Ozark, AL 36360 Luck is a lazy person’s estimate of a workers success.

spirit. But test the spirits to see if they are from God for there are many false preachers in the world. ·Often times there will be things

that God says that our human reasoning (or logics) will not agree with, such as: Turn the other cheek, love your enemy, combat evil with good, the last shall be first and do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. There are many other statements that the human mind (flesh) will disagree with. Remember, God’s thoughts and ways are above ours, check the Scriptures. ·Sometimes the Word of God will challenge our faith. God wants to build our faith to deepen the relationship we have with Him. You may be asked to do something that may appear to us as unreasonable or not humanly possible, but, when we step out on faith God will help us accomplish the task he has given…not by our strength but through Christ Jesus we can do it. ·It will require courage to obey God. When God speaks, a decision requiring sacrifice or change of direction is often necessary. God knows our potential, sometimes we will have to push, and press and discover our potential is greater than we thought. The Holy Spirit will help us to “UNLOCK” hidden potential that is in us, gifts and talents that we did know we had. What is God saying to you today? Remember, God will never ask you do anything that he will not empower you to do! Read Matthew 16:21-25

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 9


If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in laws!

OZARK COLLISION CENTER Expert Auto Body Repair at Reasonable Rates Logan Webb & Chad Causey 334-791-5715

334-685-4857

28 YEARS EXPERIENCE

493 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL 36360 OzarkCollisionCenter@gmail.com

Shop # 334-774-2886 Fax # 334-774-2891

SUDOKO 1

SUDOKU 2

SOLUTION ON PAGE 26

People keep telling me Things they have heard About people And ask If I know Whether or not It is true? What am I, a rumortologist Laughs

FISHING TACKLE & BAIT Crickets, Worms & More

BUILDERS CASH & CARRY 855 S. Daleville Ave. Daleville, AL 598-2481

AUGUST 2013 The most common greeting in Florida…”How’s the hip?” & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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TH 19 ANNUAL

SOUTH ALABAMA PRO RODEO CLASSIC

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 11


Women don’t make fools of men…most of them are the do it yourself types.

Aunt T’s Kitchen Crispy Chicken-and-Rice Casserole Ingredients · 2 cups cooked long-grain rice · 2 cups chopped cooked chicken · 2 (10 1/2-ounce) cans cream of mushroom soup · 1 (8-ounce) can diced water chestnuts, drained · 1 (3 1/2-ounce) can sliced mushrooms, drained · 1 cup chopped celery · 3/4 cup mayonnaise · 1 small onion, chopped · 1/2 cup sliced almonds · 1 tablespoon lemon juice · 1 teaspoon salt · 2 cups crushed cornflakes cereal Preparation Stir together cooked rice and next 10 ingredients in a bowl. Spoon into a lightly

Hearty

Casseroles greased 13- x 9-inch baking dish. Sprinkle evenly with cereal. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until golden and bubbly. Serves 8-10

Ham-Hash Brown Casserole Ingredients · 1 (30-oz.) package frozen shredded country-style hash browns, thawed · 1 (10-oz.) package frozen diced onion, red and green bell pepper, and celery, thawed · 1 (10 3/4-oz.) can cream of potato soup · 1 (10-oz.) container refrigerated Alfredo sauce · 3 cups chopped cooked ham · 2 cups (8 oz.) shredded sharp Cheddar cheese · 1 cup grated fresh zucchini · 1 cup milk · 2 cups crushed round buttery crackers 3 tablespoons melted butter

Gluten Free Products ● Kangen Alkaline Water ●  Nature’s Sunshine Products ●  Dairy Free Products

●  Hallelujah Acres Products ●  Health & Diet Books ● Organic Foods

334-673-2444 1901 Wise Dr., Off Ross Clark Circle, Dothan, AL Always Open Online At www.ShopHealthConcepts.com

Laughs

You can always tell an intelligent person… AUGUST 2013 is the same as yours. & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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their opinion


My mother said “You won’t amount to anything if you procrastinate.” I said, “Oh yeah.. You just wait!.”

Hearty

Aunt T’s

Casseroles Preparation 1. Preheat oven to 400°. Combine first 8 ingredients. Spoon mixture into a lightly greased 13- x 9-inch baking dish. 2. Combine crushed crackers and butter. Top casserole with cracker mixture. 3. Bake at 400° for 30 to 35 minutes or until bubbly and cracker mixture is brown. Let stand 15 minutes.

Chicken Florentine Casserole Ingredients ● 2 cups cooked , chopped chicken breasts ● 1/4 cup butter ● 3 teaspoons minced garlic ● 1 tablespoon lemon juice ● 1 (10.75 ounce) can condensed cream ● of mushroom soup ● 1 tablespoon Italian seasoning

Kitchen ● ● ● ● ● ●

1/2 cup half-and-half 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 2 (13.5 ounce) cans spinach, drained 4 ounces fresh mushrooms, sliced 2/3 cup bacon bits 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese

Directions: 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees 2. Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stirring constantly, mix in the garlic, lemon juice, cream of mushroom soup, Italian seasoning, half-and-half, and Parmesan cheese. 3. Arrange the spinach over the bottom of a 9x9 inch baking dish. Cover the spinach with the mushrooms. Pour half the mixture from the saucepan over the mushrooms. Arrange chicken in the dish, and cover with the remaining sauce mixture. Sprinkle with bacon bits, and top with mozzarella cheese. 4. 5. Bake 20 to 25 minutes in the 400 degrees F (200 degrees C) oven, until bubbly and lightly browned.

482 S. Union Ave. OZARK 774-9345 5200 Boll Weevil Cir. ENTERPRISE 393-0503 270 Ross Clark Cir. DOTHAN 794-8521 2606 Ross Clark Cir, DOTHAN 792-1195 177 Hwy. 231 N. TROY 566-3413

We all came on different ships but we are all in the same boat now!

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 13


Good manners sometimes means simply putting up with other people's bad manners.

Why Did God Make Lightning Bugs What is the deal with Lightning bugs? I mean, here is this rather ordinary looking flying insect, but wait ... it has a glow-in-the-dark rear end! What was God thinking …These Lightning Bugs? I'm sure science has all kinds of explanations about how this fluorescent fanny is useful for mating and other stuff, but why did God choose to make the lightning bug glow? I wonder if when God was creating all the animals and everything around us, he came up with the idea of the Lightning bug and said, "The kids are gonna love this Little Black Lightning Bug.” We know that God loves us enough to create all the things we need to survive, but does God love us so much He created some things just to make us smile? Lightning Bugs in a Jar Just seeing Lightning bugs takes me back to those warm summer nights of my youth. I'd be running around the back yard with my empty Mason jar, racing toward the flashing lights all around me. I can still feel the joy and hear the laughter echoing through my memories. Lightning bugs were as much a part of summer as fireworks, fresh tomatoes, and big ice-cold slabs of juicy watermelon. God created so much diversity in this world, much more than is needed for mere survival. He made all of this for us, and He wants us to enjoy it. We can get so busy surrounding ourselves with manmade goods that we don't notice the living tapestry God has laid out all around us. I guess Lightning bugs do have a purpose after all. They are a reminder of a creative God who loves us so much, He'd even paint the rear end of a bug ... Just to see us smile....

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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Thanks from Bill and Pats Thrift Store for making our first two years a success. Please continue to shop our clothing store and visit our 2nd location with furniture, appliances, and electronics. Thanks for shopping with us.

We really do appreciate your business.

The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

NEW EXPANDED LUNCH BUFFET AND SALAD BAR Open 7 days a week for lunch! OPEN FRIDAY NIGHTS SERVING SHRIMP & CATFISH BUFFET $11.50 Includes Tea

Be sincere, whether you mean it or not.


Do unto others as though you were the others.

Does Your Dog Have Diabetes? Diabetes mellitus (also referred to as diabetes) describes a lack of response or quantity of insulin in the body. Insulin is a hormone produced by the pancreas, an organ that lies along the small intestine as it exits from the stomach. Insulin allows the body to absorb fats and sugars from the diet. Without insulin, the body cannot process these nutrients and becomes starved. Symptoms of Diabetes Mellitus •Excessive thirst •Excessive urinations, urinary accidents and urinary tract infections •Voracious appetite with weight loss The good news about diabetes is that it is treatable with insulin injections, exercise and diet. For the majority of diabetic patients, insulin therapy is a lifelong treatment. We will teach you to give the injections. To begin treatment for diabetes, we recommend: •Insulin: Injections need to be given at the same time each day. Do not change your pet’s insulin dose without consulting your veterinarian. Be sure that your pet eats a While the allergy petsWhen an insulin dose normal meal prior toseason giving for insulin. may be similar to the allergy is changed, your pet’s body takes 5-7 days to adjust. season for with people, the symptoms •Diet: Cats diabetes respond best to a low your pet experiences are quite carbohydrate, higher protein diet. Dogs respond best to different. higher fiberPeople diets. with allergies often sneeze, have a runny nose an ideal body weight •Exercise: Regular activity promotes and itchy eyes. Pets, on the other and keeps muscles strong. hand, commonly manifest their allergy symptoms through their skin. Common areas affected by allergies include: face, ears, axillae (arm pits) and abdomen.

ANIMAL HOSPITAL, LLC

“Your Pet. Their Health. Our Passion.” •Journal: Keeping a journal of daily activities, insulin injection times, appetite and your pet’s behaviors helps identify problems earlier. •Blood sugar checks: During the initial stages of treatment, we will be checking your pet’s blood sugar levels more often until an appropriate insulin dose is found. Good control of DM is possible in the majority of patients. There will likely be times when your pet is not under good control. Listed below are indications that your pet is no longer well controlled. Call the clinic if you notice: •Decrease in appetite •Vomiting, diarrhea •Return of: - Increased thirst

CONTINUED ON PAGE 21

As pet owners ourselves, we have been faced with the devastating decision about what to do with our pet’s remains as well as learning to cope with the loss. We discussed with our vet the different options and found that having our pet cremated was what we wanted to have done. Having been through this experience and with our knowledge of operating a crematory led us to purchasing our own pet crematory and providing a service that any pet owner could appreciate. Our separate pet crematory will allow us to offer cremation services exclusive to your pet. Owners: Whether you have an immediate need for our services or you are Terry G. & Terri Lynn Sorrells planning for a decision you will have to make for your pet in the future, 4550 Boll Weevil Circle, we understand how saying good-bye to your pet can be very difficult. Suite 2 East Enterprise Pet Crematory is committed to helping you through this sad Enterprise, Alabama 36330 time in your life.

334•347•0373 EnterprisePetCrematory.com

Laughs

“BECAUSE YOUR PET LOVED YOU”

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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There’s nothing wrong with having nothing to say unless you insist on saying it.


The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.

Dale Medical Center is a BLUE CROSS AND BLUE SHIELD OF ALABAMA

TIER 1 HOSPITAL Through the tiered network, Alabama hospitals are categorized into one of three “tiers” based on their performance in three primary areas of interest: quality awareness, patient safety awareness and financial awareness. Hospitals designated as “Tier 1” are recognized as having attained the highest level of compliance in these areas.

Dr. Sharita Trimuel, M.D. NOW ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS

Erasers are for people who are willing to correct their mistakes.

“Community People, Quality Healthcare, Right Where You Need Us!” ● Quality Care ● Over 75 Years Experience Skilled Nursing ● Over 25 Years Certified Home Health Aides ● Physical & Speech Therapy ● Medical Social Worker

(334) 774-1380 Serving: Pike, Barbour, Coffee, Dale, Houston, Geneva, Henry 126 Hospital Ave. Ozark, AL 36360 www.dalemedical.org

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

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Serving: Pike, Barbour, Coffee, Dale, Houston, Geneva, Henry

(334) 774-0750 126 Hospital Ave. Ozark, AL 36360 www.dalemedical.org

Truth needs no crutches. If it limps, it’s a lie.


The trouble with trouble is that it starts out as fun.

Second Annual Benefit

FEATURING

SPECIAL GUEST

PAULA DEEN THURSDAY, AUGUST 29, 2013 AT 7 PM AT THE OZARK CIVIC CENTER DOORS OPEN AT 5:15 PM FOR SPONSOR’S DINNER AND PHOTO OPPORTUNITY DOORS OPEN FOR GENERAL SEATING AT 6:15 PM GENERAL ADMISSION $25.00 SPONSORSHIP INFORMATION AVAILABLE AT 334-774-2601 EXT. 1251 TICKETS MAY BE PURCHASED AT OZARK CIVIC CENTER OZARK CHAMBER Of COMMERCE AND DALE MEDICAL CENTER PROCEEDS FROM THE EVENT BENEFIT THE DR. L.D. McLAUGHLIN MEMORIAL FUND

“You can’t control the length of your life, but you can control its width and depth.”

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 17


If you have trouble getting your children’s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

Freezer Order

C & B FARM SQUASH, CUCUMBERS & NEW POTATOES C & B FARM WATERMELONS , CANTALOUPES & PEPPERS

HIGHWAY 123 SOUTH AT THE INTERSECTION OF HWY 84 WICKSBURG, ALABAMA 334-726-3278 OR 334-726-3277

Cabinets Designed For Living Imagine our beautiful and functional custom designed cabinets in your home. You’ll love the style and affordability.

SOUTHERN INSTALLATION CABINET SHOP

FREE In Home Estimates by Dan Barefield Cell 334.726.3459 Office 334.774.9579

Auto-Owners Insurance offers broad, Flexible Protection for your car and you! Choose from a Variety of programs designed to fit your needs. We Also have many discounts available such as Multi-policy, multi-car and good student discount.

Call or visit us today!

ircle Insurance Agency 863 Andrews Avenue Ozark, Alabama 36360

334-774-7177 Sammy Judah

Donna Shuman

I have my own system for labeling homemade freezer meals. Forget calling them "Veal Parmigiana" or "Turkey Loaf" or "Beef Pot Pie." If you look in my freezer you'll see "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," and, my favorite, "Food." That way when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have what he wants." Thomas Edison In the early 20th Century, Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity. Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse regardless of the weather. To help the Sioux, Edison installed lights in the outhouse. With this kind act, he became the first person to wire a head for a reservation!

According to my best recollection, I don’t remember… AUGUST 2013 Laughs Eric Holder DOJ LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 18


My wife says I’m nosey, at least that’s what she wrote in her dairy.

STAND OUT & ATTRACT ATTENTION WITH FULL COLOR ADS & FULL COLOR PRINTING FROM

334-379-7603 A new nurse listened while the doctor was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots around here."

Nurses Go To Heaven Three nurses went to heaven, and were waiting turn to plead their case to St. Peter to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, but occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and said, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"

FIND AT LEAST 12 DIFFERENCES IN THESE PHOTOS

Never pick a quarrel, even if it is ripe.

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 19


Children brighten up a home; they always forget to turn off the lights.

The Beach

Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to the room to get something to drink one of the maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, “Can we drink beer on the beach?” “Sure” she said “but I’ll have to finish the rest of the rooms first.” Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. A jump-start cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything. There’s a pizza place next door to my office that sells pizza by the slice. You should come in and watch the man tossing triangles in the air.

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

20

WHO READS

Laughs&Lifts? YOU DO!

&

30,000 POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS! Reach Them With This size ad in Laughs&Lifts Family Magazine.

ONLY $100/mo. Distributed in over 300 locations In Dale, Houston, Pike, Coffee Geneva, Henry, & Barbour Counties To advertise in Laughs&Lifts call Roger

334-379-7603

OLD ICE HOUSE LUNCH BUFFET 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM TUESDAY - FRIDAY AND SUNDAY PRIVATE PARTY ROOM AVAILABLE

140 Jones Street • Ozark, AL www.theoldicehouserestaurant.com

TAKE-OUTS & CATERING

Gravity always gets me down.


Q: How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? A: Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 15 - Excessive urinations, urinary accidents and urinary tract infection - Voracious appetite with weight lossReturn of: •Lethargy, weakness •Seizures: this is an emergency We realize that this will be an adjustment for you and your pet. Very soon, you will feel comfortable with the injections and how your pet is responding. We are here to answer any questions that you have to make this transition time easier for you. Thomas Lee Windham, D.V.M. Healing Hands Animal Hospital, LLC 652 W. Roy Parker Road Ozark, Al 36360 334-774-2263

ABILITY IS WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING. MOTIVATION DETERMINES WHAT YOU DO. ATTITUDE DETERMINES HOW WELL YOU DO IT. ….LOU HOLTZ Logan’s All Pro Tint • Tire & Accessories

Auto Repair Facility

Yes, we do Vehicle Lettering 171 North Union Ave. Ozark, Alabama

334-774-0059 Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

A lawyer, a Rabbi and a Hindu. A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn." "No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!" That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 21


Human's are like tea bags, we don't know our own strength until we're in hot water. Wedding Preparation Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a pharmacy. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely.." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist: "We sure do." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "In that case, we'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list."

FREE CONSULTATION 334-443-3000

406 Ben St. • Suite 100 Near the Ft. Rucker gate

FaithworkzDisability@gmail.com

Ozark, Alabama 36360

Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s Morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it." Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really screwed up now.”

They found The Tree Frog in the July Edition of Laughs&Lifts

THE BEST CHILI DAWGS & HAMBURGERS AROUND! PLUS SANDWICHES, SALADS & WRAPS 774-3294 ~ Downtown Ozark ~ 173 S. Union

22

Rose Clark Hallford Has been Representing Clients in Disability Claims FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS

Kathy Rakestraw of Enterprise & Dennis Woods of Daleville

BUY 6 LUNCHES AND RECEIVE 7TH FREE

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

BEEN DENIED YOUR BENEFITS?

CONGRATULATIONS TO:

GET PUNCHED FOR LUNCH

Laughs

HAVE You Considered Applying for YOUR Social Security? Are you confused about the process or have you already

They Have Won Prizes Worth $100 1. Lube, Oil, & Filter from Gilland Chevrolet 2. 2 FREE Passes Animal Food from McClellans Zoo, in Banks 3. A Free Lunch Mon-Fri from KC’s Donuts & Dogs in Ozark, 4. 4 Admissions to the So. AL. Pro Rodeo 5. 1 Laughs&Lifts T-Shirt

My wife and I had words,but I didn't get to use mine.


Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at. CROSSWORD LEVEL EASY Across 1. Abbey area 5. Electrical unit 8. Dimwit 9. Messes up 12. Memorab___ 13. Marsh birds 15. Watch 17. Eye's middle layer 18. Lift 21. Like some wine 22. Pitcher's place 24. Lyric poem 27. Big bore 31. Purple flower 33. Big brute 34. Dictator 36. Line around which an object rotates 37. Vast extents 38. Human head bug 39. Good name, for short 40. "Hey you!"

Down 1. Goodbye word 2. Tumor 3. More artful 4. LAX abbr. 5. Miners' find 6. French Protestant, in history 7. Ballistic missile system abbreviation 10. Require 11. Military award 14. Fox demeanor 16. Early movie projector 19. Morning 20. Orb 23. Cheat, trick 24. Hackneyed 25. Faded out 26. "Or ___!" 28. Math term 29. Long stories 30. Odometer no-no 32. Rich Little is one 35. RX abbr. 36. Matterhorn, e.g.

SOLUTION ON PAGE 26 After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told

me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of-address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?"

Sawyers Produce The

220 W. Malvern Hwy Malvern, Alabama 334-793-6690

My wife enjoys sports and anything else that calls for an argument.

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 23


Don’t dig your grave with your own knife and fork.

Seen during a conference: FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

HOURS & LOCATIONS M & W & F 8 - 5 At the Farm in Skipperville Tu 8 - 3 & Th 8 - 12 At The Farm in Skipperville Tu 4 - 6 Ozark Farmers Market (Across the St. from City Hall) Th 2 - 6 Dothan 84 West Farmers Market Sat 8- 5 Ozark Farmers Market (Across the St. from City Hall) Sat 8- 5 Popular Head Farmers Market (Dothan)

WORD PICTURE PUZZLE

1

2

3

4

5

6

ANSWERS ON PAGE 30

BACK TO SCHOOL CLOTHES NEEDED DESPERATELY DALE COUNTY RESCUE MISSION NEEDS YOUR DONATIONS OF SCHOOL CLOTHES AND SUPPLIES DROP OFF AT 186 N. UNION AVE. OR CALL FOR PICK-UP

774-6510 Laughs

Outside Prescriptions Welcome Prescriptions filled in 1 Hour (In Most cases) Designer To Economy Frames ~ Emergency Repairs Lenses Duplicated ~ Hard & Soft Contacts Fitted Most Insurance Accepted ~ All Major Credit Cards Honored

FOOD ~ SHELTER ~ HOPE

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

24

Ozark One Hour Optical Inc.

1892 Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL

774-4703

My Mother is a Travel Agent for guilt Trips.


Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius. Arthur Conan Doyle, Sr.

What to Keep in a SafeDeposit Box

WIREGRASS

HANDYMAN SERVICE ADDITIONS WINDOWS DOORS SIDING ROOF REPAIRS NEW ROOFS

AWNINGS DECKS POLE BARNS BATHROOMS KITCHENS & MORE

FREE ESTIMATES ALL TYPES OF HOME REPAIR 334-248-4718

HARTFORD, AL

Dumb Questions asked on the TV and Radio Listener: My most embarrassing moment was when my artificial leg fell off at the altar on my wedding day. Simon Fanshawe: How awful! Do you still have an artificial leg? – UK. Talk Radio Interviewer: So did you see which train crashed into which train first? 15-year-old: No, they both ran into each other at the same time. - BBC Radio 4 News Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning.

● Insurance policies ● Birth, marriage and death certificates ● Adoption papers and divorce decrees ● Deeds, titles, mortgage papers and lease contracts ● Military records and citizenship papers ● Stock and bond certificates ● A videotape or DVD inventory of your home and all its contents

What NOT to Keep in a Safe-Deposit Box ● Originals of wills, trusts and power of attorney documents ● Medical care directives ● Funeral or burial instructions So what should you do with important items that shouldn't be kept in a safe-deposit box? Store them in a safe place at home, such as a fireproof/waterproof safe, where they are more easily accessible in a hurry. You might want to consider giving the originals of these documents to your estate planning attorney and making a copy to keep at home or to give to a close relative or friend. Even more important, make certain the person you've appointed in your power of attorney and medical care directives has an original copy of these documents. PS. If you would like to include Laughs&Lifts in your will that would be OK as well.

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 25


In a gunfight, the most important rule is..............HAVE A GUN!!

Food For Thought By Junius P. Long

SUDOKU 1 SOLUTION

If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for being in the country illegally ...you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If you have to get your parents’ permission to go on a field trip or take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If the only school curriculum allowed to explain how we got here is evolution, but the government stops a $15 million construction project to keep a rare spider from evolving to extinction ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If you have to show identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor or check out a library book, but not to vote who runs the government ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

SUDOKU 2 SOLUTION

If the government wants to ban stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines with more than ten rounds, but gives 20 F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If, in the largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not a 24-ounce soda because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If an 80-year-old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a woman in a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

CROSSWORD SOLUTION

If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If a seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher’s "cute," but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable ... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots. If children are forcibly removed from parents who discipline them with spankings while children of addicts are left in filth and drug infested “homes”... you might live in a country founded by geniuses but run by idiots.

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 The man who has a right to boast doesn’t have to. & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

26


"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading" Thomas Jefferson Recurring Bill Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie. So I rented him a tuxedo."

Aggressive Friend My good friend is more aggressive at work than she realizes. After she had her annual performance review, I asked, "How did it go?" "They had written that I was overbearing," she replied with a shrug. "I made them take it off."

Undesirable Food As a trail guide in a national park, I ate with the rest of the seasonal staff in a rustic dining hall, where the food left something to be desired. When we were finished with our meals, we scraped the remains into a garbage pail and stacked our plates for the dishwasher. One worker, apparently not too happy after his first week on the job, was ahead of me in line. As he slopped an uneaten plate of food into the garbage, I heard him mutter, "Now STAY there this time."

Laughs

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

27

Sedation Dentistry Sedation Dentistry is a revolutionary way to accomplish your dental treatments without fear or anxiety. You dream…we work. Sedation Dentistry is often used during procedures that require an extensive amount of time in the treatment chair, and sedation is ideal for patients who exhibit dental phobia. Sedation Dentistry offers anxiety-free dental procedures as the patient is in a deeply relaxed state. though fully responsive. It means something even more important, a comfortable experience, so that little is felt or remembered from the dentistry procedure. When you awake, you are well rested, and your smile is healthier and more beautiful.

Geoff M. Gaunt, DMD Aesthetic General Dentistry 2431 West Main Street, Dothan, AL 334-673-7440 DothanCosmeticDentistry.com

FIND THE

HOUSE WRENS We have hidden this House Wren in 4 ads in this month’s edition of Laughs&Lifts. 2 PEOPLE WIN WIN A PRIZE PACKAGE FROM AREA BUSINESS’.

Find the 4 ads with the hidden wrens & Follow these instructions: Mail the names of the 4 business’ in which you found the wrens along with your name, address and phone # To: Parrish Publishing PO Box 681 Ozark, AL 36361 OR: Email to LaughsandLifts@live .com with subject WRENS NO PHONE CALLS Drawing held on the 20th of the month

You are never fully dressed until you wear a smile.


Our strength is shown in the things we stand for, our weakness is shown in the things we fall for,

This month I want to talk about the time we spend with the people that means the most to us. I work at the nuclear plant in Columbia Alabama. We lost a dear friend of ours to a freak accident last month. His name was Ronnie Walsh. It was real devastating blow to us all that worked with Ronnie. He was loved by all of us. I didn’t know Ronnie as well as others did at work but I can tell you it was a true blessing to know this man. He was a Godly man and a great husband, father and friend. It was a pleasure to know and call Ronnie Walsh my friend. He didn’t fish or hunt much but he loved the lord and enjoyed God’s creation. Ronnie knew how important it was to make moments with his loved ones last. He left a legacy of goodness, kindness, and love that will last for generations to come. I envied his character and the kind of man Ronnie was. I know he is in a better place now but he will be missed by many on this earth. I thought a lot about the time I spend with family and friends after Ronnie’s death. We all take for granted the time we have on this earth. Some of the best times I have spent with my family have been in God’s great outdoors. Whether it is hunting, fishing, camping, or just hiking and getting outside, all of it is time that I will treasure for the rest of my life. The outdoors gets us away from life’s rat race and it brings family and friends together to a common ground. That is why I love the outdoors so much. I have made lasting memories with family and friends around a campfire, in a boat, or in a deer stand. I try to live by a motto and that is God, family, friends and the outdoors. That is what life is all about. Don’t take for granted the time you have on this earth. Make moments that you have with family and friends last. Make that time count. I encourage you to do it in God’s great outdoors. It is a wonderful way to get away from all the clutter in life and spend quality time with each other. I’m T.J. Ward with Trails To God’s Great Outdoors. Get outside and make moments last in God’s creation.

Directory Enquiries 1) Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please". Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?" Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off". Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?" Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland". On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on". In a London department store: BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

Sunday Compliment The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "Why I felt like a new man when I woke up!" AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 28


Blessed is he who will work as a member of the committee of which he really wanted to be the chairman.

AIR CONDITIONING

AUTO/PARTS-REPAIR-SALES

B

Ozark Tire & service

U RESIDENTIAL & COMMERCIAL….WE GET IT DONE!

S I N

ALTERATIONS

774-1416

● New & Used Tires ● Oil Changes 453 South Union Ave. ● Road Side Service Ozark, AL

E

Logan’s Cleaners & Alterations Take It Up or Let It Out! Buttons, Zippers, Hems & Mending

Quality Work at Fair Prices 774-8012 618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL

AUTO/PARTS-REPAIR-SALES

INKY’S

S S

SOUTH UNION GARAGE “Your 1 Stop Transmission Shop. We Take Pride In Your Ride!” Full Service Auto Garage • Oil Change • Tune-up • Brakes • Tires • Exhaust • Suspension • A/C • Front-End

24 HOUR TOWING & ROADSIDE

Mon-Fri 7 AM - 6 PM •• Sat 7 AM - 3 PM

D

334-774-5650

392 South Union Ave. • Ozark, AL

I

334-774-6533

ANTIQUES

Vintage Treasures Antiques & More 30 + Vendors With Unique 1 Of A Kind Items

US Hwy 231 North Ozark, AL. 36360

AUTO/PARTS-REPAIR-SALES

R E

Jennifer Mcleod has FINANCING FOR EVERYONE § Everyone Approved § No Credit § Bad Credit

APPLIANCE REPAIR & SALES

Appliance Sales • Parts • Service 334-379-3135 697-B North Union Ave. • Ozark, AL. 32 Years Exp

WE BUY CARS 445-1460

(334)774-0420 BAKERY

C KC’s Donuts & Dawgs Serving Donuts, Breakfast & Lunch Downtown Ozark 774-3294 ~ 173 S. Union Ave.

T

abcapplianceozark.com

AUTO-/PARTS-REPAIR-SALES

2618 US Highway 231 N. Ozark, AL

O R

BARBERS

Lee’s

OLE TIMEY BARBER SHOP

Rucker Blvd. Across From Enterprise Chevrolet

Y

The fellow who sings his own praise often gets it in a key that’s too high.

494.0300 AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 29


A good reply to an atheist is to give him an excellent dinner and then ask if he believes there is a cook

B

CHECK PRINTING SERVICE

FLOORING

U Check Printing Services

S

322 Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL

I N

334.379.7603

Wood ~ Ceramic ~ Carpet TILE SHOWER SPECIALIST

334-445-2866

E

LOGAN’S DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY

774-8012

LLC

936 Andrews Ave. • Ozark, AL 36360

CLEANERS AND LAUNDRY

M-F 6-5 Sat 6-12

FLOORING

618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.

S S

FLOORING

SNELL’S FLOORING

Hardwood • Ceramic • Carpet • Laminate Affordable Pricing & Professional Installation

334-774-8327

• 646 US Hwy 231 North • Ozark

CONSIGNMENT SHOPS

GOLD

DOTHAN GOLD EXCHANGE Across From UPS

D WE BUY GOLD

Women’s Consignment

& SILVER

50% Off

I

EVERYTHING IN STORE MUST GO El Palacio Square ~ Hwy 231 S. ~Ozark, Al. Tues. - Fri 10-5 ~ Sat 10-2 334-774-7900 ELECTRICIANS

Tyre Electrical & Plumbing

R

334.774.5194

30

334-774-2448 334-379-4831

E C

INSURANCE Sammy Judah ~ Donna Shuman

T

Alice’s Errands R 334-379-0793

AUGUST 2013 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR

CHRIS AND EDDIE ADKINS

VICE R E S N A M Y D N A H A A&

O

ERRAND SERVICES

Laughs

HANDY MAN SERVICES No Job Too Small Licensed and Insured

zark, AL Street ~ O 673 James

Call or visit us today!

“Specializing in Services Calls of All Types” 30 Years Experience! Licensed, Insured & Bonded

msalicew02@gmail.com

TOP DOLLAR PAID

4177 Montgomery Hwy. Unit 6 Dothan, AL 334-699-4653

Y

ircle Insurance Agency 863 Andrews Ave. ~ Ozark, Al. 36360

334-774-7177 ANSWERS TO WORD PUZZLE 1. Crossfire 2. You deserve a break today 3. Break the Bank 4. Barbershop Quartet 5. Contract Extension 6. Pen is Mightier than the Sword

If you must kill time, why not work it to death?


If at first you don’t succeed, you’ll get a lot of Free advice from folks who didn’t succeed either.

INSURANCE

PROPANE

B We all feel the same commitment to care for our families. Helping you meet your insurance needs is part of my commitment to you. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.®

Jenna Mack, Agent Ozark, AL 36360 334-774-2020

CALL ME TODAY!

jenna@jenna4auto.com

U S

SEWING MACHINES SALES & SERVICE

I

DERRELL’S

N

PARTS FOR ALL BRANDS OF SEWING MACHINES & VACUUM CLEANERS

SEWING & VACUUM CENTER

2507 MONTGOMERY HWY. AZALEA PLAZA DOTHAN, AL

334-794-0824

State Farm, Home Office, Bloomington, IL

0907504.1

E

LAWN MOWING LEWIS LAWN MOWING All Your Lawn Mowing & Edging Needs

ART LEWIS

STORE at2’s THRIFT P & l l i B Locations S

OWNER OZARK/DOTHAN ALABAMA

334-379-4430

THRIFT STORES

S

334-774-6954 347 & 351 N. Merrick Ave. Ozark, AL 36360

MOTORCYCLES

THRIFT STORES

WE BUY MOTORCYCLES D 334-406-9188

MOTORCYCLES MOST BRANDS

PAINTING SERVICE

I

Now Open In Midtown Shopping Center in Midland City

R

PAINTING SERVICE

E

334-983-0067 Psalm 34:8(KJV)8 O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.

TREE SERVICE

C T

Licensed, Bonded and Insured 24 Hour Emergency Service Trimming Topping Removal

O THIS SIZE AD IS ALPHABETIZED BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 3.5” W X 1” H $94.50 EACH QUARTER $35/Month

TREE SERVICE

CALL

or trimmed in your yard?

R Y

Do you need that tree cut

TREE SERVICES, FREE Estimates / Bonded & Insured

One of life’s hardest jobs is to keep up the easy payments.

Shane Crooks

334-774-0794

AUGUST 2013 Laughs LAUGHSANDLIFTS.COM & Lifts 31


2013

SEC12.COM

2013 SEC Helmet Schedule 8/31/13 Week 1 9/7/13 Week 2 9/14/13 Week 3 9/21/13 Week 4 9/28/13 Week 5 10/5/13 Week 6 10/12/13 Week 7 10/19/13 Week 8 10/26/13 Week 9 11/2/13 Week 10 11/9/13 Week 11 11/16/13 Week 12 11/23/13 Week 13 11/30/13 Week 14 SEC12.COM

Alabama

Arkansas

Virginia Tech* UL Lafayette

SEC Football Helmet Schedule

Auburn

Florida

Georgia

Kentucky

LSU

Wazzu

Toledo

at Clemson

Western Ky

TCU*

Arkansas St

at Miami

South Carolina

Miami Ohio

Kent State

OPEN

OPEN

Miss State

Missouri

Oklahoma St* Murray State

Ole Miss

2013 S. Carolina

SEC12.COM

Tennessee Texas A&M Vanderbilt

at Vanderbilt North Carolina

Austin Peay

Rice

Ole Miss

SE Missouri St

Western Ky

Sam Houston

Austin Peay

OPEN Samford

at Texas A&M Southern Miss

Miss State

Alcorn State

Toledo

OPEN Louisville

UAB

at Auburn

Auburn

Troy

at Texas

OPEN Colorado St

at Rutgers

Ole Miss

Texas A&M

Georgia St

at Florida

at LSU

at Georgia

Vanderbilt

at Oregon

Alabama

at S. Carolina

S. Carolina St

at Florida

SMU

at UMass

at Arkansas

UAB

OPEN

Tennessee

North Texas

at Kentucky

LSU

Florida

at Georgia

Arkansas

at Tennessee

at S. Carolina

at Miss State

at Indiana

OPEN

OPEN

Arkansas St

at Alabama

at Vanderbilt

at Auburn

at Cen. Florida South Alabama

OPEN Ole Miss

at Kentucky South Carolina W. Carolina

at LSU

Missouri

at Missouri

at Vanderbilt

OPEN

OPEN

Alabama

Florida

at Alabama

at Texas A&M

OPEN Tennessee

Florida Atl.

Bowling Green

at Georgia

Texas A&M

Florida

LSU

Kentucky

South Carolina

Idaho

at S. Carolina

Tennessee

at Ole Miss

at Miss State

OPEN

Furman

OPEN Auburn

at Arkansas

Georgia*

Florida*

Kentucky

Georgia

Missouri

OPEN

OPEN

at Arkansas

at Ole Miss

OPEN

OPEN Arkansas

LSU

Alabama State

at Tennessee South Carolina

at Missouri

at Alabama

Miss State

at Missouri

OPEN

Auburn

Georgia

Vanderbilt

at Texas A&M

OPEN

OPEN

OPEN LSU

at Ole Miss

at Tennessee

Vanderbilt

Appalachian St

Missouri

Georgia

at S. Carolina

at Auburn

at Vanderbilt

Ga. Southern

Kentucky

at Georgia

OPEN at Miss State

at Alabama

at Texas A&M

OPEN

at Kentucky

Arkansas

OPEN Alabama

at Auburn

MSU

at LSU

Alabama

Miss State

at Florida

New Mexico

Kentucky

at LSU

at Tennessee

OPEN Troy

OPEN Chattanooga

Auburn

Florida

OPEN

Florida State at Georgia Tech

* Denotes Neutral Site

Tennessee

Texas A&M

Arkansas

at Arkansas

Ole Miss

at Ole Miss

Texas A&M

Missouri

at Miss State

Vanderbilt

Clemson

at Kentucky

at Missouri

The 2013 SEC Football Championship Game will be played December 7, 2013 at the Georgia Dome

Wake Forest

2013 SEC Helmet Schedule 8/31/13 Week 1 9/7/13 Week 2 9/14/13 Week 3 9/21/13 Week 4 9/28/13 Week 5 10/5/13 Week 6 10/12/13 Week 7 10/19/13 Week 8 10/26/13 Week 9 11/2/13 Week 10 11/9/13 Week 11 11/16/13 Week 12 11/23/13 Week 13 11/30/13 Week 14 SEC12.COM

UROLOGY 2126 West Roy Parker Road ~ Suite 202 Ozark, Alabama 36360

Phone: (334) 774-1200 AUGUST 2013 Laughs Fax: (334) 774-1204 & Lifts NOW IN OUR 6�� YEAR 32

Juan A. Fernandez, MD


LaughsLlifts August 2013