Latest 7 No: 556

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the city & news magazine for brighton & hove www.thelatest.co.uk

Brighton Lights The Brighton battle for Christmas Number One is on: Guy and Andrea’s ‘Fairytale Of Brighton’ goes up against Matt Whistler’s cover of ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’. See the videos on the new episode of Brighton Lights at:

H jobs H news H food H listings H tv guide H

thelatest.tv

13 – 19 December 2011

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Spamalot of laughs Join Marcus Brigstocke & Jodie Prenger for a feast of fun at Theatre Royal Brighton page 09

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS Last-minute shopping ideas & food gifts MATT WHISTLER The Shakin’ Stevens cover track goes viral with video word tags LIFE IS SWEET Dining at Brighton’s Agua Dulce

Available for private parties with karaoke Now taking New Year’s Eve bookings!

Last minute Christmas bookings still available 19 PRINCE ALBERT STREET, BRIGHTON

www.gars.co.uk

01273 321321 info@gars.co.uk

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003_LS556_contents _Contents 09/12/2011 17:38 Page 1

2011

CONTENTS >on paper brighton’s magazine

13–19 DECEMBER

>online

>on tv

thelatest.co.uk

thelatest.tv

NEWS & COMMENT

Brighton Lights Ep. 34

04 Sport: Brighton & Hove Albion The We Want Falmer book launch; the financial fair play rules, and FA Cup third round preview 05 Latest People Sussex Business Awards, Leaders’ charity support, the Xmas Pudding Race, plus Mackenzie Thorpe gallery and Jive Monkey openings 06 Latest Brighton & Hove News; jobs Talisker MacLeod in profile, Shakedown Festival 2012 announced and smartphones collected for schools 09 Cover Feature: Theatre Royal Brighton Horsing around: Todd Carty and Jodie Prenger in Monty Python’s Spamalot at Theatre Royal Brighton 10 Celebcity Mitch Winehouse, actress Julie Graham, Dita Von Teese and the Brighton & Hove Gay Men’s Chorus 11 Last minute & foodie Christmas gifts Gourmet hampers, sweet treats, sportswear, artwork and more in the last edition of our bumper gift guides 19 Mad Matt Matt Whistler’s Shakin’ Stevens cover goes viral with the power of video word tags

Brand new show. That’s what they say and it's true.

It’s brand new – Brighton Lights number 34 in fact.

Spamalot is coming up and Andrew Kay literally gets on a ladder to the stars, in this case Todd Carty and Jodie Prenger. On this performance Mr Kay could star in panto himself!

Val Aviv goes ice skating at The Royal Pavilion and Veronica Trickett checks out great photography at The Phoenix Gallery in Brighton Photo Fringe. I recommend the gallery for lunch, ice skating at teatime and Spamalot for supper.

We look back at Cinecity – which featured Nick Broomfield’s Sarah Palin’s You Betcha! and Steve McQueen’s Shame; Made11, plus Bethan Lloyd reports on the biggest protest march in Brighton in many years over public sector pensions.

Lastly, we see the battle for Xmas Number One: will it be Matt Whistler naked on a tea-tray sledging down snowy Southover Street while singing ‘Merry Christmas Everyone’ or Guy and Andrea's hilarious parody ‘Fairytale Of Brighton And Hove’?! Probably neither, but never mind, as Todd sings in Spamalot, “always look on the bright side of life!”

09

LIFESTYLE 15 Andrew Kay’s Food & Drink; Hotlist Life is sweet at Agua Dulce 18 Health Avoid the hangovers this festive party season

WHAT’S ON 19 Reviews & bookings Krater Comedy Christmas special review; Theatre Royal Brighton’s new season 19 Latest Brighton Download Chart This week’s Number One is...

20 Latest Previews Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows in cinemas, Glenn Tilbrook, Alex Horne and The Mojo Fins 22 Stars; TV Highlights & Listings Horoscopes with Val Aviv; Victoria Nangle sits down to watch Young James Herriot; seven days of TV listings

Listings for everything worth going to in the city this Christmas from pantos to musicals, Krater comedy and festive events. Enter our competitions to win the latest show tickets, new DVDs, CDs and more. Read all the latest show reviews and news headlines, and download tracks in the Latest Brighton Download Chart.

It’s all online: www.thelatest.co.uk/7

t

Sales Director Lynne Edwards Advertising Manager Natasha Prochaski Creative Director Andrew Kay Production Director Fiona McTernan

Art Director Stephen King Entertainment Editor & Production Editor Victoria Nangle Website & IT Tom Scrace Lisa Yousefi

Bill Smith

www.facebook.com/latest7

Comedy, music or clubs?

L7

19

Managing Editor Bill Smith Business Director Angi Mariani Finance Manager Sharon Caple Accounts & administration Claire Peerless

Watch Brighton Lights at thelatest.tv

Find out what’s going on in Brighton while you’re on the move with comprehensive listings straight to your mobile phone

m.thelatest.co.uk Editor Zara Baker Editorial Assistant Laura Burgess Sub Editors Chris Dyer Rachel Junior

Music Editor Jeff Hemmings Music Listings Nick Aldwinckle Design Anand Day Andrew Wright

Illustrators Lili Bé Graham Clark Paul Lewis Photography Patrick Kneath Diana Frangi

Watch our shows at www.thelatest.tv

latest brighton the digital capital of europe

01273 818150 Editorial: editorial@thelatest.co.uk Advertising: lynne@thelatest.co.uk Latest Homes, Unit 1, Level 5 North, New England House New England Street, Brighton BN1 4GH

When you have finished with this magazine please recycle it.

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SPORT

latest SEAGULLS Up the Albion!

Mark Brailsford celebrates getting Falmer

I

nteresting forces are at work within the Football League. Chairman Greg Clarke has been leading a quiet revolution that has the potential to make a massive impact on The Albion’s prospects. Following a recent meeting of Championship clubs to discuss financial fair play rules, some quite startling figures emerged. In the 09/10 season, 21 of the 24 Championship clubs made a loss; Sheffield United lost a whopping £19 million and are now in League One. Gus Poyet often refers to having a lower budget than other clubs – this isn’t a whinge, he is right. But this isn’t to say Mr Bloom is being parsimonious, it’s just that parachute payments for clubs relegated from the Premier League distort the division, arguably making it anticompetitive. This, in part, explains why The Albion are one of the clubs at the forefront of the drive to make the fair play rules even more robust than those proposed. You may be surprised to find that one of our closest allies in this debate happens to be Crystal Palace who, commendably, are also arguing for more stringent safeguards.

One notable absentee from the talks was Birmingham City’s representative, which perhaps shows us all we need to know about the attitude of the parachuted clubs who have the blow of relegation softened by two years of £16 million in payments and a further two years of £8 million. In any other industry this would lead to a bun fight to ban the clubs concerned for being anti-competitive. Football often argues it is a special case. Is it really? When the rest of the country is suffering badly from austerity can football really carry on being this profligate? The vote is in February to decide on the fair play rules.

The number one party venue in Europe’s sexiest city – BRIGHTON!

FA Cup Third Round The “magic” of the FA Cup may be a hackneyed cliché but it still holds some romance. Brighton Vs Wrexham is one such fixture. The Third Round draw has been kind to Albion, although you cannot underestimate lower league opposition at this stage.

The struggles of Wrexham mirror The Albion’s struggle to survive in the ‘90s and the Fans United concept (originated at The Goldstone) came in very handy when Wrexham were in their darkest days. For Wrexham the 15 per cent of gate receipts from a 20,00 crowd will help enormously. Hopefully we can get a big turnout for what should be a low pressure occasion and another excuse to visit the Cathedral of Dreams.

On the team front, it could be a good time to rest a few players: Craig Mackail-Smith always tires me out just looking at him – I’ve rarely seen a player run so much. Liam Bridcutt could maybe do with a rest too, so we could see Adam El Abd back in some capacity, perhaps in midfield. I, personally, would love to see Jake Forster-Caskey given a game. Who knows, we may even see the mythical beast with the gift for invisibility: Vicente. And after this one, maybe we’ll get Arsenal in the Fourth Round!

We Want Falmer book launch The follow up to the era defining, classic Albion book, Build A Bonfire, is out just in time for Christmas. Written by Paul Hodson and Steve North, We Want

“There will be readings and yours truly will play ‘Seagulls Over the Rainbow’” Falmer! launches in ‘Dick’s Bar’ at The Amex on Thursday evening (15 December). There will be readings and yours truly has been asked to play ‘Seagulls Over The Rainbow’ from Brighton Til I Die for those who missed it. It should be an enjoyable occasion because, after all, we got Falmer.

You make the booking, we make it happen.

Tell us what you want, we’ll provide it all.

A fabulous party and you have to do nothing!

NEW!! We can now film your party in high definition and give you a DVD to take away with you at amazing introductory prices. We are the first venue in the UK to offer this.

CALL JENNI OR RUTH ON 01273 687171 OR EMAIL BOOKINGS@THELATEST.CO.UK Birthdays Weddings Civil Partnerships Office Parties Hen and Stag Nights

005_LS556_latest people_Social Diary 09/12/2011 16:47 Page 3

latestPEOPLE

LATEST PEOPLE The Jive Monkey, NHR Organics & Mackenzie Thorpe gallery openings; the Sussex Business Awards & two charity fundraisers

Do the jive

Leading the way

The Jive Monkey – Brighton’s newest and most unique theatre and bar venue – opened it doors with a launch party on 1 December. The new venue is the brainchild of photographer and producer Sam Eddison and Brighton actress Laura Nixon, who is famed for her uncannily accurate onstage portrayal of Marilyn Monroe.

Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Every year Leaders branches across the south compete to create the best Christmas window display. This year, Leaders in Western Road chose to use their window display to raise the profile of – and much-needed funds for – local charity Seaford Downs Syndrome and Special Needs Support Group. The window display was unveiled on Thursday 1 December, with children and their families invited along. £1882.60 was raised for the charity.

Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Paul de Newtown (ambassador for Tuaca)

Igor Srzic-Cartedge, Andrea Fox (Juice FM), Deano Harrington

Laura Nixon & Sam Eddison (owners, The Jive Monkey)

05

Jamie Morley, Sophie Quinn (Jive Monkey)

The Leaders Team from Western Road, Hove

Children & parents from Seaford DSSNSG

In business

Organic essential

2011 saw the 23rd anniversary of the Sussex Business Awards. The awards were presented by Komedia compere, Stephen Grant and The Apprentice star Ruth Badger and were organised by Caraline Brown, founder of Midnight Communications. A list of all the awards winners can be found at www.sbawards.org.uk Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

NHR Organic Oils has opened the doors of its first shop at 24 Chatham Place in Seven Dials, Brighton. It’s a relaxing space in which visitors can experience the highest quality of essential oils, teas, massage oils, and healing eye pillows. NHR Organic Oils was founded over 15 years ago. www.nhrorganicoils.com Words and photos: Diana Frangi

Cllr Anne Meadows (Mayor of Brighton & Hove), Tony Meadows (Mayor’s Consort)

Turan Mehmet (1st Choice Building Ltd. – Leaders nominated contractor) with his sister Senay Smallwood, Finn & Hana

David Thorne, Branch Manager, presenting a cheque to Senay Smallwood (Seaford DSSNSG)

Laura Hoy (manager), Kolinka Zinovieff (owner)

Simon Fanshawe (Chair of Economic Partnership), Phil Jones (Wired Sussex), Caraline Brown (founder, Midnight Communications)

The Brighton & Hove Food Festival with Ruth Badger (2nd right), winners of the award for Tourism & Leisure

Rachel Carter, Kate Peters, Lucy Rayden, Charlotte O’Rourke, Gary Peters (BrightonAndHoveJobs.com)

Buzzword

Irina Blosse, Deborah Hood

Wacky races

Mackenzie Thorpe is a Brighton-based artist whose unique and distinctive work is exhibited and collected in galleries across the world. On Saturday 26 November Mackenzie was at his new gallery to meet and greet visitors and to show his latest limited editions including “Bee Boy” and his Christmas print “Snowy Tops”.

The new gallery can be found at 1 Union Street, Brighton. www.mackenziethorpe.net Words and photos: Patrick Kneath

Mackenzie Thorpe, Margot & Nigel Lowe (prolific collectors)

Victoria Zinovieff, Lucinda Warner, Zander Zinovieff

The Xmas Pudding Race was held in New Road, Brighton, on Saturday 3 December. Balancing a Christmas pudding on a tray while negotiating a perilous obstacle course, “Charlie’s Angels” defended their title successfully with “Completely Crackers” winning the best-dressed award. Details of how to support the charities can be found at www.xmaspuddingrace.org.uk Words and photos: Diana Frangi

“Bee Boy”

Charlie’s Angels (Winners 2011)

Completely Crackers (Best Dressed Award)

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LATEST NEWS

latest brighton & hove news the bigissue

Class acts

How can teachers make the most of Brighton’s creative and digital talent? Frank le Duc reports

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he digital media is a thriving sector of the economy in Brighton and Hove.

“Many of us have monthly contracts that allow us periodically to upgrade But schools face particular challenges in obtaining and using the our phones for free. The discarded phones are often simply put in a drawer technology that is becoming commonplace for pupils at home. The only never to see the light of day again. Through this scheme these can be put to classroom technology that many of us can remember was called the good use in schools to enhance our children’s education. blackboard and chalk. Overhead projectors were a rare accessory along with “The idea is simply that the smartphones are loaned to schools, on the occasional video on a television wheeled in especially for the occasion. demand, for specific learning projects utilising smartphones where some of Now, our children make their own videos and post them online in no time at the pupils participating do not own a smartphone themselves. We are, all. A generation seems to be evolving with super thumbs. Technology is their therefore, encouraging both individuals and organisations to donate surplus friend although it’s often treated as a classroom foe. Despite the challenges smartphones of any make and type to the ‘Smartphones for Schools Drop-Off’ around bullying, cyber-bullying and the theft and vandalism of phones and at Wired Sussex.” Rechargers and accessories are also wanted. other digital devices, some educators are taking a positive approach.

The Wired Sussex drop-off is at Studio 28 on Level 6 South of New England Here are two examples of the way educators are House in New England Street, Brighton. There is a trying to turn technological and cultural trends to second drop-off point at The Skiff at 6 Gloucester “Students are set tasks in a their advantage for the benefit of their students. The Street in Brighton. first is a project called Smartphones for Schools run similar way Sir Alan Sugar by a group called Digital Education Brighton. DEB is ADAPTING THE APPRENTICE an open community group consisting of schools, Meanwhile, scientists at Brighton University are challenges candidates” digital companies, education consultants and people using TV-style contests as a new tool to teach passionate about education. One of its founders is university students. Teams of contestants are set Mick Landmann, managing director of the graphic, print and tasks in a similar way Sir Alan Sugar challenges candidates in web design company Vivid.

The Apprentice. Pharmaceutical and chemical sciences He acknowledged teachers’ and parents’ fears about students and others on a pharmacy postgraduate course are children using phones to text during lessons and disrupt the taking part in “The Analyst”. classroom. He said: “To allay their fears of disruption Digital They are filmed from the start of their tasks in the Education Brighton are working with schools to develop and laboratory through to marketing-style presentations and run lessons that actively use the facilities available on their finally the boardroom where they are judged and winners are pupils’ smartphones. This is a sort of triple whammy by announced. The footage is posted on YouTube and on dealing with the problem of disruption [phones visible, on the university websites. desk not under it], utilising technology that is familiar to the The idea is the brainchild of Dr Bhavik Patel, lecturer at the pupils and proven to enhance learning.” university’s School of Pharmacy and Biomolecular Sciences.

He said: “The main purpose is to teach and learn, and also to HELPING TEACHERS KEEP CONTROL expose students to what they will be doing when they are “Despite their potential for learning, most schools ban employed. The method is proving extremely effective. smartphones, indeed all mobiles, in the classroom, partially at Students are putting theory into practical applications and least through fear of the disruption of pupils texting their then thinking of ways to market their results and finally friends during lessons,” continues Mick Landmann. “But most making presentations – all in a competitive environment.” pupils ignore the ban and do text their friends, albeit The teams then make their pitch to a panel before the surreptitiously, from under the desk. Surely it’s better to insist pupils openly winners are announced. Dr Patel said: “This idea is working well and the bring their phones with them and place them on the desk in full view, thus students seem to like it. All are winners as far as learning is concerned – and allowing the teacher to ensure they are not in use. no-one gets fired!” n

Brighton & Hove City Council leader Bill Randall on World Aids Day 2011

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e have, here in the city, one of only two care centres in the UK specialising in care for those living with HIV – the Sussex Beacon Centre. Set on a hill looking out onto the Downs, it has a range of facilities including rooms for patients to stay in and day-care services, including a unique women and children’s HIV service and vegetable-growing projects.

The Beacon, as with other organisations in the city, works hard to raise awareness about HIV

and support those who have it. It is an increasingly serious situation, and numbers of people diagnosed with HIV is expected to increase by seven per cent year on year. This is in part due to better awareness but also because it continues to spread.

It’s estimated that about 30 per cent of the people in the UK living with HIV do not know that they have it. It’s crucial to raise awareness about what HIV is, how it is transmitted, and what its effects are. This means that more people will find out and receive treatment much earlier. Tests are fairly simple, and there are some discussions

about offering them when patients register with a new GP.

“About 30 per cent of the people in the UK living with HIV do not know that they have it” World AIDS Day is commemorated annually on 1 December. People around the world come together to show their support for those living with HIV and to

commemorate friends and family who have passed away.

I attended a charity concert in St. Mary's Church, featuring the Brighton Gay Men’s Chorus, Qukulele (the UK’s first and only LGBT ukulele band), the Rainbow Chorus, Resound and Red Gray.

Songs performed ranged from Debussy to Madonna.

World Aids Day is a great opportunity to improve education about the issue.

If more people knew about it, we could break the stigma and increase prevention.

More information is available at www.worldaidsday.org

007_LS556_Wired Sussex_Layout 1 08/12/2011 12:44 Page 1

eMarketing & Online Sales Manager Filofax UK (Burgess Hill)

Events Coordinator

Wired Sussex (Brighton and Hove)

Customer Service Team Leader WPM Education (Burgess Hill)

Junior Sales Support Assistant Mason IT (Brighton and Hove)

Drupal Developer Unipro (Chichester)

Digital Account Director

Fortune Cookie UK (Brighton and Hove)

Digital Manager

Fundraising - RSPCA (Southwater, Nr Horsham, West Sussex)

Commercial Development Manager Brighton Fringe (Brighton and Hove)

Customer Services & Operations Manager, BundleBox BundleTech (Brighton and Hove)

Salesforce Developer

INTO University Partnerships (Brighton and Hove)

Freelance Web Designer – For user interface design Freelance animators/games interface designers – For kids’ media project German language Facebook support – For social media consultancy SilverStripe CMS freelancer – For various projects

Digital Media workshop – Fri 16 Dec, 6pm – 8pm. Venue: Zero G offices Brighton Drupal Drinks – Mon 19 Dec Dec, 7pm – 10pm. Venue: The Eagle Wordpress Brighton – Mon 19 Dec Dec, 7pm – 10pm. Venue: The Skiff Functional Brighton – Tues 20 Dec. Venue: The Skiff

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006_008_LS556_news DPS_editorial 09/12/2011 17:14 Page 4

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LATEST NEWS

latest brighton & hove news IN BRIEF n SHAKEDOWN FESTIVAL ORGANISERS GIVEN GO AHEAD FOR NEXT YEAR The Shakedown Festival organisers have been granted permission to use Stanmer Park next October. They are planning to follow up the first Shakedown Festival, which was held in September, with what they say will be “an even bigger and better event”.

The promoters said that they would bring two of the biggest festival tents in Europe to Stanmer Park. The tents are the same Kayam structures used by Radio 1 for their Big Weekend Events, ensuring Shakedown 2012 will be weatherproof.

This year almost 10,000 revellers enjoyed the likes of Ed Sheeran, Razorlight, 2 Many DJs, the Freemasons, Example, Zane Lowe and the pick of Brighton’s live music and DJ scene. Festival organiser Jonesy, from Juice 107.2, said: “We’re over the moon that the council and local authorities have once again shown their support for Shakedown. We’ve got some exciting plans for 2012 and have already confirmed our headliner which we will be announcing early next year.”

Early bird tickets have already gone on sale for what looks like being the final event in the British festival calendar – on Saturday 6 October. Councillor Geoffrey Bowden, Brighton and Hove City Council’s cabinet member for culture, gave “landlord’s consent”. The organisers still need to apply for a licence.

n NATIONAL LOTTERY WINNERS POP IN WITH GIFTS FOR THE MARTLET’S HOSPICE A host of lottery winners have been sharing their largesse with patients and staff at The Martlet’s Hospice in Hove. They arrived on a double-decker bus, trimmed with Christmas decorations, bringing gifts and festive cheer to the hospice in Wayfield Avenue. The visit of the National Lottery winners was arranged by Camelot, the lottery operator, and took place on Friday (9 December). It comes at a time when the hospice is appealing for urgent funding help. It closed its day hospice and aromatherapy services in October to try to save £190,000 in the coming year.

n BRIGHTON SCHOOLGIRLS PERFORM AT ZOO FOR SOCIAL MEDIA VIDEO Two girls from Brighton – Emily Craig, 13, and 12year-old Tori Ainley – were invited to London Zoo to perform a Christmas jingle which they helped to write. They were among six students who took part in an attempt to help ZSL – the Zoological Society of London – to get into the festive spirit with a seasonal social media campaign.

The pair performed at the zoo with fellow members of vocal group Vocademy outside Santa’s grotto, complete with reindeer. Emily and Tori spent weeks writing and practising the jingle. It was inspired by their favorite animals.

The jingle has been recorded and the video will be posted online to help promote the ZSL to their online users, with the final shout from the students being: “All we want for Christmas is 10,000 followers.” The video is on YouTube on the ZSL channel.

n CAMPAIGNERS URGE HOSPITAL TO OFFER HEALTHIER TRANSPORT CHOICE Brighton and Hove Friends of the Earth has started a petition urging hospital bosses to invest more in infrastructure for walking, cycling and public transport. The campaigners were spurred into action after the Royal Sussex County Hospital submitted plans for £10 million 400-space underground car park at its Eastern Road site. The underground car park is part of a huge set of changes proposed for the Royal Sussex. The changes involve knocking down the two oldest buildings on the site – the Barry Building and the Jubilee Building – and replacing them with facilities fit for the 21st-century. But Friends of the Earth say that current proposals deny people the choice of healthier forms of transport.

The spirit of change Talisker MacLeod is part of a new generation revitalising the church in Brighton and Hove. Frank le Duc meets her to learn chapter and verse

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breath of fresh air has been breezing through church life in Hove over the past six months. Talisker MacLeod, 30, was ordained as a deacon in June and joined All Saints in The Drive as a curate, assisting Father Phil Ritchie, a relative newcomer to the parish himself. She was ordained by a bishop who opposes women priests and she was part of what the church authorities described as “a bumper crop”.

The Reverend Talisker MacLeod stands out in a number of ways.

She is tall and striking with flame orange hair. She is one of a growing number of women in the ministry although still a minority.

And she has an unusual name. Ask her about it and you start to get a flavour of the down to earth humour she brings to her spiritual calling. Talisker is the name of a whisky taken from the place on the Isle of Skye where it’s distilled.

She said: “It’s one of the finest single malts. It’s exceptionally nice, I have to say. I’ve been blessed by the spirit.”

She confessed to being a bit flippant and mischievous at times, saying: “I find it quite difficult sometimes to realise I’m now one of the pillars of the community.

When people are being too serious I just want to poke fun. I’ve got a wicked sense of humour.”

Sharing a name with a Scotch, it should be little surprise that Talisker ran the college bar when she was a classics student at St Andrew’s. She said: “I left university knowing that the two things I was never going to do were being a teacher or a priest.” Well, after a spell teaching, and just six months after being ordained as a deacon, she said: “I think that God has a sense of humour.”

PROFILE

“Two things I was never going to do were being a teacher or a priest” In June she was ordained by the Bishop of Chichester the Right Reverend John Hind, who is due to retire next April. Like his predecessor, the late Eric Kemp, he has opposed the ordination of women priests although Talisker said: “Bishop John is remarkably supportive of us as people.”

Of her posting to All Saints she said: “I’m here to be trained. Your curacy is effectively your training post. I’m here to experience ministry in as many of its varied forms as is feasible. I do quite a lot of visiting – not just to the old and the housebound but also to younger people who’ve come to the church. I take part in various services. I run a house group. I run a Bible study and a prayer group. I taught one of the confirmation classes recently.”

All Saints is the only church in Hove listed on the Changing Attitudes website. The site helps gay and lesbian Christians work out where they will be welcome to worship. Talisker said: “This is a very friendly, very welcoming and very lovely church.

We have a tangibly and visibly growing number of young families. And we’re an inclusive church. Our strapline is the church for everyone in Hove.

“This isn’t high church. This isn’t low church. It’s sunny side of the middle. We’re just firmly Anglican with the odd touch of a smell from time to time. We only use incense on high days and holidays. This is still the civic church and very proud of being so but it’s very mindful of being a parish church with a vibrant and loving community. We want to make this building a real resource for the community so it can be a real asset. We’ve got this marvellous gift that we want to share.”

While the doors are often shut, to try to keep the heat in, All Saints is increasingly open. And at this time of year many will go along for the carol service on Sunday (18 December) at 5.30pm.

Expect the children’s crib service at 3pm on Christmas Eve to be popular and Midnight Mass at 11pm – with carols from 10.30pm. All Saints also holds a family service at 10am on Christmas Day. Advent and Christmas are times of hope and joy in the church calendar. And there is a weight of expectation on the likes of the Reverend Talisker MacLeod and the rest of the bumper crop. Given Brighton and Hove’s reputation as a godless city, perhaps they could yet be the answer to the Church of England’s prayers. n

009_LS556_Theatreroyalbrighton_editorial 08/12/2011 12:56 Page 1

COVER FEATURE 09

Horsing around

A seasonal treat and fantastic savings with Spamalot at Theatre Royal Brighton

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he international smash hit musical comedy Spamalot gallops into Theatre Royal Brighton from Thursday 15 December 2011 to Saturday 14 January 2012. If you are looking for a feel-good family outing this Christmas, then look no further. Spamalot is harmlessly funny, very silly and has dancing, audience participation and great songs. It is truly a pantomime for all seasons. ‘Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life’, voted the nation’s favourite song, is guaranteed to have children (aged 8+), parents, teenagers and grandparents singing along.

Written by original Python Eric Idle and John Du Prez, Spamalot is based on the story of King Arthur and his Knights – think Horrible Histories crossed with Merlin. The cast includes Marcus Brigstocke (CBBC’s Sorry I’ve Got No Head, BBC’s Have I Got News For You, QI etc) who plays King Arthur; Todd Carty (Tucker in Grange Hill and Tucker’s Luck, Mark in EastEnders) who plays his hapless sidekick Patsy, and Jodie Prenger (Winner of BBC’s I’d Do Anything, playing Nancy in the West End’s Oliver!) plays Lady of the Lake. All three won rave reviews when the show visited Brighton last year.

Making a trip to Spamalot even more affordable, the new ATG Theatre Card (annual fee £30) offers theatregoers a range of benefits, including a reduction of £5 per ticket on price bands A & B for all offpeak matinee performances of Spamalot (up to four tickets).

The card’s other benefits include priority tickets, ticket offers (including half price tickets on selected shows), no booking or

tues 13 december

fri 16 december

charity chuckle

sirens

pat cahill’s surreal and absurd outlook has seen him win the amused moose laugh-off 2011 and cavendish arms new act 2011. doors: 8pm, show: 8.30pm £8/£5

wed 14 december café bar:

christmas party special the perfect office party: food and entertainment with party pianos.

To book, call 01273 687171 www.partypianos.com 7pm £25 cabaret bar:

ellen & the echo + the black fields + tom staniford an exciting night sampling some of the soundtrack from forthcoming motion picture 'city of dreamers'. doors 7pm show 8pm £5/£4 advance

thurs 15 december

see website for details

christmas xxxtravaganza 10pm–2am £7/£5 nus

sat 17 december

rooftop studios presents: rock school end of year performance end of year performance from three of the best bands coming out of the rooftop studio rock school! doors: 2pm, show: 2.30pm £3

sun 18 december

jam brighton performances from kids who go to jam brighton school of rock 2pm– late £3

mon 19 december

prehab + choice + linten splinters bringing swinging sleaze, bluesy shmooze and prohibition drum and bass to ‘da people!’ doors: 8pm, show: 8.30pm £4

“The new ATG Theatre Card offers theatregoers a range of benefits” postage fees on most shows, priority brochure mailing, fee free ticket exchange and 10 per cent savings on pre show and interval drinks. The card is accepted at 39 venues across the UK and in the West End. Spamalot, Theatre Royal Brighton, Thursday 15 December 2011–Saturday 14 January 2012.

Book tickets online at www.atgtickets.com/brighton (bkg fee) or call 0844 871 7650 (bkg fee). Spamalot is suitable for children aged 8+ at parents’ discretion.

For the ATG Theatre Card, please visit www.atgtickets.com/theatrecard or call 0844 871 7633.

010_LS556_celebcity_Celebcity 08/12/2011 15:03 Page 2

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CELEBCITY

SPONSORED BY Image.net – Sonja Flemming/CBS

Celebcity with Jo Brooks Mitch Winehouse’s charity work, actress Julie Graham, Dita Von Teese, and Frankie’s return Pic: © Graham Franks

The soundtrack to our office ranges from The Smiths to The Muppets so we welcome any new music to the mix. Last week saw the launch of Brighton and Hove’s Gay Men’s Chorus’ self-titled first album and we are thrilled to hear our local celebrity choir belting out numbers such as Bowie’s ‘Heroes’ and Nine Inch Nail’s ‘Hurt’. The fabulous world of fame has already seen the men strip off for Gay Times, as they were featured in GT’s ‘annual naked issue’; It was all in the name of charity of course, with money going to Sir Elton John’s AIDS Foundation.

They also sang at Alan Partridge’s latest book signing, which must have been quite a surprise for a man who considers Paul McCartney and the Wings to be ‘the band The Beatles could have been’.

Winehouse spectacular I

attended the fourth annual Chestnut Tree House Snowman Spectacular Ball at the Hilton Brighton Metropole on 3 December– and what an amazing evening it was, with over £221,000 being raised for Sussex’s only children’s hospice. I sat with the lovely Julie Graham (patron of the hospice), her husband Joe, and Karl Jones from Moshi Moshi and his wife Soheila.

Performing on the night was Mitch Winehouse, who talked very movingly about the death of Amy, saying that his visit to Chestnut Tree House was the turning point in dealing with his grief. Mitch and Amy’s Mum Janis presented the charity a donation of £10,000 from the Amy Winehouse Foundation (the recently launched charity set up after Amy’s tragic death). The foundation will support charitable activities in both the UK and abroad, offering help or care for young people, especially those who are in need by reason of ill health, disability, financial disadvantage or addiction. To donate to Chestnut Tree House go to www.justgiving.com/chestnuttreehouse/donate and to donate to the Amy Winehouse Foundation visit www.comicrelief.com/donate/amywinehousefund

ITV Pictures

BBC Pictures

Julie Graham will be gracing our screens on BBC1 this Christmas Eve in prime time comedy, Lapland. Starring alongside Julie is the lovely Sue Johnston and an ensemble cast including Stephen Graham (This Is England), Elizabeth Berrington (Secrets And Lies), William Ash (Waterloo Road), Julie Graham (Survivors), Zawe Ashton (Fresh Meat) and my personal favourite from his Duty Free days, Keith Barron.

Pic: Nick Norton

SING STARS

Have you spotted a celeb in the city? comment@thelatest.co.uk

Jo Brooks is director of Brighton-based PR company JBPR Ltd, 01273 622555, www.jb-pr.com Send celebrity spots, gossip and pictures to job@jb-pr.com

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011_014_LS556_XmasGifts_Lastminute_Food__food 09/12/2011 14:38 Page 1

Last minute CHRISTMAS GIFTS

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Shopping saviours Latest 7 finds the perfect,

last-minute gifts to buy locally

I

f you still need to finish (or make a start!) on your Christmas shopping, don’t fret.

There is still time to bag some great gifts that won’t give away the fact that you left things until the last minute. Just make sure you take the time to gift wrap it properly too! Here we take a look at some great presents available to buy locally, so you won’t need to rely on the postman and websites running out of stock. Remember, foodie gifts make a great choice.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, after all.

This may be a cliché but in these foodie days it holds true for men and women alike. And this year the shops are simply full of fabulous foodie gifts. There are gifts for

Jolly Gorgeous Jolly Gorgeous Christmas handpicked luxury Italian hampers: unique and delicious products hand picked from remote and exclusive places in Italy. Exclusive in the UK to Jolly Gorgeous gallery. A real treat of preserves, chocolates, panetone, olive oil and sweets, including a pamper hamper with creams, soaps and lotions. Pick and mix your own size and budget, with a special discount offered to all Latest 7 readers!

Jolly Gorgeous, 12 Bristol Road, Brighton, 01273 782559, www.jollygorgeous.com

people who simply love to eat: great cakes and chocolates, gift packs of smoked salmon and hampers galore. And there are gifts for those who love to cook, from beautiful tableware and kitchen utensils to exotic and luxurious ingredients. Our very own Andrew Kay says he is never happier than when his Christmas stocking looks like a week’s worth of luxury food shopping with the odd kitchen gadget thrown in for good measure. Merry christmas and bon appetite!

Millie Pembleton There’s still time to buy her something special from Millie Pembleton Jewellery – order by 21 December with express delivery to receive in time for Christmas. Of all the cute and quirky pieces, our favourite has to be this adorable gingerbread man necklace!

Buy online at www.MilliePembleton.com

artrepublic Brighton Line art print signed by Sean Sims: a fantastic print, signed by the artist and a great gift for anyone who loves living in Brighton and Hove. Among the place names are many quirky titles created by the artist that seem to fit the city perfectly.

Available from artrepublic, 13 Bond Street, Brighton, 01273 724829, www.artrepublic.com

Golden Girl Step out and turn heads! Whether it’s a girls’ night in, or a girls’ night out, Golden Girl will offer you an individual beauty service like no other, tailored to meet your needs. Siobhan Regan of Golden Girl is a professional make-up artist and also offers facials, Swedish body massage and full body spray tans. Book a Christmas make-up party to learn how to create smouldering, evening looks. Christmas makeup special offer: two people for the price of one. Please call for more details.Contact Siobhan Regan on 07947 402 645.

011_014_LS556_XmasGifts_Lastminute_Food__food 09/12/2011 14:40 Page 2

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Last minute CHRISTMAS GIFTS

PROFESSIONAL MAKEUP ARTIST FULL BODY SPRAY TAN • FACIALS SWEDISH BODY MASSAGE WEDDINGS • PROMS HEN PARTIES SPECIAL OCCASIONS

07947 402645 pantharshiv@yahoo.co.uk

011_014_LS556_XmasGifts_Lastminute_Food__food 09/12/2011 14:41 Page 3

Last minute CHRISTMAS GIFTS

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Nick Rivett Sport Ltd

North Laine Photography

Trigger Point Grid Foam Roller, £39.99: foam rolling is essential for any athlete – it is used as a self massage tool to break down knots of muscle tissue to aid recovery and prevent injury. With three different sized ‘zones’ the grid gives a more targeted massage than a standard roller.

Nick Rivett Sport Ltd, 64 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FP (opposite Hove Town Hall), 01273 251700, www.nickrivettsport.co.uk

The Brighton Book by North Laine Photography: the long awaited book by the people behind the hugely popular Brighton and Hove calendar.

Featuring an abundance of great images within 328 huge pages it doesn’t disappoint.

Beautiful but fun, with plenty of querkiness thrown in. Only 6,000 printed and going fast! Have a flick through at brightonphotography.com Launch deal: £24 (signed first edition/normal rrp £39). Available from their own outlets: outside Snoopers Paradise, Kensington Gardens; East Entrance, Churchill Square; and online at www.brightonphotography.com

The Brighton and Hove Calendar 2012 (£6): Loved by locals and sent in their thousands to Brighton lovers everywhere. It’s a great calendar, great price and easy to send. This year the Pavilion ice rink gets a look in, as does the Zombie Walk! 58 great photos by 14 photographers capture the Brighton vibe. Available from their three outlets: outside Snoopers Paradise, Kensington Gardens; East Entrance, Churchill Square; and online at www.brightonphotography.com Sealskinz Ultra Grip Gloves: whether it’s cycling to work, or keeping your hands dry and warm during your early morning bootcamp session, Sealskinz waterproof, ultra grippy gloves are the perfect stocking filler for him or her this Christmas. With a waterproof and breathable membrane and merino wool lining these gloves offer superior warmth and wicking performance.

Currently on offer: £20 (normally £30).

From Nick Rivett Sport Ltd.

Brighton & Hove Albion limited edition print The Goldstone Ground on 26 April 1997 against Doncaster Rovers: the last ever match the Albion played and the last ever goal scored at the Goldstone. There are less than 100 prints remaining out of a limited edition set of 500. The print is A3 in size and is individually signed by the last goal Stuart Storer and the manager Steve Gritt. The price per print is £75 unframed or £85 framed.

Enquires to Stewart Weir: 23fotos@gmail.com

011_014_LS556_XmasGifts_Lastminute_Food__food 09/12/2011 15:14 Page 4

14 CHRISTMAS GIFTS food

Chillipepperpete Visit Chillipepperpete’s Chilli Shop, the coolest hot shop in the UK – a warm welcome guaranteed! They have the largest selection of chilli sauces made in the UK, dried chillies, chilli seeds and growing kits, chilli alcohol and exclusive chilli shirts from USA – hot stuff from the UK’s No 1 chilli company.

Open seven days a week, 10am–6pm (5pm Sundays) Chillipepperpete, 73 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4EB, 01273 672800, www.chillipepperpete.com

Cybercandy At Cybercandy in Gardner Street, they specialise in importing delicious candy, scrumptious chocolate and rare sodas from the far corners of the globe. They stock a host of weird and wonderful delights, whether you’re looking to fill Christmas stockings or thrill a Secret Santa, you’ll find something for everyone.

Cybercandy, 15 Gardner Street, North Laine, Brighton, BN1 1UP www.cybercandy.co.uk, www.facebook.com/www.cybercandy.co.uk

At Chillipepperpete’s Chilli Shop you will find the best chilli sauces, chilli chocolate and chilliabilia as well as the widest range of dried chillies, including many never before seen in the UK! Let the chilli experts spice up your imagination for a really hot Christmas present this year.

From Chillipepperpete.

Food For Friends The stunning Food For Friends recipe book is an inspired Christmas gift for all lovers of good food. It contains over 100 vegetarian recipes accompanied by spectacular photos. You’ll also receive a £10 voucher if ordered in the restaurant or online at www.foodforfriends.com/book Food For Friends, 17–18 Prince Albert Street, Brighton, BN1 1HF, 01273 202310, info@foodforfriends.com, www.foodforfriends.com

Jameson Whiskey

Micarmo

Micarmo are importers of exclusive, gourmet products from Portugal. Their entire range has been hand-picked in order to ensure the highest standards.

They can tailor a bespoke hamper based on your requirements or you can choose from one of the carefully selected, luxury hampers or gifts.

Micarmo, 01273 911217, info@micarmo.co.uk, www.micarmo.co.uk

Established in 1780, Jameson is crafted to ensure the perfect balance of spicy, nutty and vanilla notes with an incredibly mellow finish, unrivalled by other whiskies.

Versatility is at the heart of Jameson Irish Whiskey, which can be enjoyed neat, on the rocks or mixed in a long drink or cocktail such as the Jameson Whiskey Sour.

For more information on Jameson Irish Whiskey, or to become a fan of the Facebook page and see what Jameson has planned over the coming months, log on to www.facebook.com/jamesonwhiskey

015_LS556_food__food 08/12/2011 12:23 Page 1

ANDREW KAY’S FOOD & DRINK

Food & Drink Andrew Kay gets the taste and sounds of Spain at Agua Dulce

Life is sweet A

gua Dulce occupies the home of my long lost favourite Brighton eatery, The Latin In The Lane. I have so many happy memories of evenings and lunchtimes spent there and was devastated when they decided to close and move on. It took me a long time to go back and it wasn’t until Agua Dulce opened that I again felt comfortable there. Carlos opened his little patch of Spain on the south coast a while back now and my first review was of a very memorable meal in a room that needed some love.

Well, I’m delighted to say that I have been back and Carlos and his wife have worked wonders with the space, bringing back the warmth that one felt at the original ‘Latin’.

There is now a sensible bar area, the walls have relief images in the plaster, and there is a fine collection of traditional Spanish wooden boats to give the place some atmosphere.

We visited on a Thursday evening, which, by accident, happened to be Flamenco night. I “I had a glass of manzanilla like Flamenco, the agressively passionate and some olives, and we music and dance of Spain, and the brother tucked into a couple of tasty and sister act tapas until the main event” performing were extremely good; it was feisty stuff that made the hairs on my arms stand up.

But it was the food that we had gone for so on with dinner. I was joined for the evening by top date Ms McT. Knowing Carlos as I do, I threw him the challenge of choosing dinner. I had little doubt that he would rise to it and show off the best the kitchen can do. Ms McT does not drink in the week so I had a glass of manzanilla and some olives, and we tucked into a couple of tasty tapas until the main event.

First out were stuffed baby squid on fried greens. The tender pods of squid were perfect, the rice stuffing soft and savoury, and the greens added a rich, dark balance. Had I not known better I certainly could have scoffed the lot, but there was more to come. Much more. Croquettas are always a delight; I love them in Holland but these Spanish ones were filled with a creamy potato and salmon mixture and fried in fresh breadcrumbs. Totally scrummy stuff although I suspect slightly heart stopping. A goats cheese and vegetable salad was also good and rather dramatically presented, looking like an Ascot hat.

Next came a dish of rice cooked with squid and squid ink, topped off with prawns, and a dish alioli. I love the various rice dishes of Spain, and there are so many, many more than the ubiquitous paella. Paella itself is the most misunderstood of dishes and on a global scale probably the one that is

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cooked badly most often. This rice and squid dish was epic, scarily black but packed with flavour and tender squid. The pale pink prawns on top added a further level of sweetness and the heady garlic mayonnaise added fire and balance. By now I was working my way down a half bottle of good rioja – a perfect match for the dish.

And that is where any sensible person would have stopped, but neither Carlos or I are sensible and so he brought out a platter of suckling pig with soft, sweet flesh and crisp salty skin. It was indeed a meal in itself and for a lesser diner it could have been a dish too far. I took it in my stride and decided to have the pork and forego a pud.

That seemed like a good idea but Carlos was having none of it and insisted that we stay for a small pud and a glass of PX. Well, the PX swung it for me and I sat back down. In no time at all a plate of churros and chocolate sauce was sat between us, not the lightest of dishes from the Iberian repertoire but delicious nonetheless and, although I did my best, I admit to having been defeated.

The menu at Agua Dulce is rich and varied and there are dishes to suit all pockets and appetites. Always ask what specials they have and do not be afraid to experiment. There will always be a welcome for you whether you want a feast or simply a sherry and a bowl of olives.

Agua Dulce, 10–11 King’s Road, Brighton, BN1 1NE, 01273 328672 www.aguadulce-restaurant.com

Where do you tuck into tapas? andrew@thelatest.co.uk

Light Bites Winners!

BRIGHTON & HOVE FOOD AND DRINK FESTIVAL WINS SUSSEX BUSINESS AWARD The Brighton & Hove Food and Drink Festival won the Leisure and Tourism award at the Sussex Business Awards on 2 December at an awards ceremony held at the de Vere Grand, Brighton.

Managing Director of the Festival, Nick Mosley, from Brighton Visitor was joined on stage by Paula Seager from Natural PR, Adam Style from Style Accountants and myself where we collected the trophy from Ruth Badger, who was made famous in The Apprentice TV show.

Nick Mosley, Paula Seager, Adam Style, Ruth Badger and Andrew Kay

The festival, now in its ninth year, has grown from strength to strength and now brings £4.1 million into the local economy by attracting thousands of visitors to the city and boosting local food and drink businesses, as well as providing many fun, free foodie events for the local community.

“It’s terrific to be recognised for our work on this event, which is run entirely by volunteers and we are all particularly proud of Nick Mosley, our director, who has taken the awards to a new level this past year,” said Paula Seager.

The festival team is running Christmas mini-markets every Saturday and Sunday at Brighton Station until Christmas and the next big festival will be the Spring Harvest in April 2012.

Find out more at www.brightonfoodfestival.com follow me on twitter

latestandrew

016_LS556_Ads_Layout 1 08/12/2011 11:52 Page 2

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st ed Ju rd A a A tte aw an se Ro

finalist in the

BEST EATING EXPERIENCE

017_LS556_hotlist_Hotlist 08/12/2011 10:14 Page 3

HOTLIST

L7 Hotlist Cafés & restaurants catering for all tastes. For more dining options visit www.thelatest.co.uk British & modern European Probably Brighton’s most popular fish ’n’ chip shop and restaurant with a large loyal clientele. Traditional and family-run with favourites and excellent daily fish specials.

Open for lunch and dinner Tuesday to Saturday, it’s also a great party venue.

There are massive fish platters and seasonal seafood, plus vegetarian choices.

22–23a Baker Street, Brighton, BN1 4JN, 01273 681256

Restaurant? Located in an old fishing cottage in the very heart of Brighton’s Lanes, The Gallery Restaurant prides itself in offering the very best dishes, service and ambience – British style! In the summer they boast one of Brighton’s largest alfresco terraces with live jazz day and night, and in the winter the mood is relaxed and welcoming. Try their lunch set menu: one course for £7.95 or two courses for £10.95, and in the evenings two courses for £14.95 or three courses for £18.95.

28 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HL 01273 773327, www.thegallerybrighton.co.uk

Breeze Brasserie

The Loop Café-Bar & Coffee House

Bardsley’s

A bright, chilled restaurant, Breeze is situated on North Laine’s busy Trafalgar Street. Relaxed and upbeat, Breeze’s atmosphere matches its name, with friendly service and an informal, vintage style look combining exposed brick with reclaimed clocks and mirrors and modern café seating and comfy banquettes.

Inspired by Modern European cuisine, Breeze serves brasserie style food, plus a good selection of heartier rustic dishes made with local produce, throughout the day – breakfast, lunch and dinner – as well as offering a well stocked bar for those lazy evenings enjoying cocktails and good food. Breeze is the perfect addition to Brighton’s dining scene.

Breeze, 98 Trafalgar Street, Brighton, BN1 4ER, 01273 693377, www.breezebrighton.co.uk

The Foragers

The team behind this multi award-winning Hove institution have come up with an inspired Christmas menu and are offering a complimentary bottle of Prosecco to all festive bookings of 10 or more. Which all sounds a bit too good to be true, but it is, so pick up the phone and get yourselves a lovely bottle of bubbly! Great news: The Foragers has another award under their belt, having just been awarded an AA rosette!

The Foragers, 3 Stirling Place, Hove, BN3 3YU 01273 733134, www.theforagerspub.co.uk

The Gallery Restaurant – The Lanes If you’re looking for an independent restaurant offering some of the very best steaks and British dishes then why not try The Gallery

Nestling on Kemp Town seafront is this contemporary Anglo-Brazilian café-bar with a menu that features traditional English fare as well as some tasty Brazilian dishes.

Whether you choose one of the stylish red sofas, or the sunny south-facing front terrace, you can enjoy free Wi-Fi while you savour the homemade food and great selection of coffees.

Open 10m–6pm seven days a week.

16 Marine Parade, Brighton, 01273 677944, www.theloop-brighton.co.uk

The Old Bank Steak & Ribs

Kemp Town’s friendly new steakhouse restaurant serves delicious food with great service in a warm and comfortable setting.

Locally-owned and aiming to be the Cheers of the neighbourhood, The Old Bank offers quality steak and ribs, local catch of the day, grilled chicken and vegetarian dishes at great value prices. A fantastic wine list, selected mainly from local merchants by GQ wine columnist Jonathan Ray, compliments their wholesome and satisfying food. Kids’ menu great value.

Open Mon–Thurs, 5pm–9.30pm; Fri–Sun, 12pm–10pm; live background Sunday jazz 6–8pm, and open all day bank holidays. Plus the garden is now open for summer!

120 St George’s Road, Kemp Town Village, BN1 1EA, 01273 682200, www.oldbankkemptownbrighton.com

The Restaurant At Drakes

Awarded two AA Rosettes and having achieved the highest score in The Good Food Guide 2011 for the second consecutive year, The Restaurant At Drakes really has earned it’s reputation as Brighton’s finest restaurant.

Using only premium quality seasonal produce, Head chef Andrew Mackenzie and his team create superb modern European cuisine. Regularly changing two or three course dinner and lunch menus available daily or for a true foodie experience, opt for the gourmet five course Chef’s Taster Menu.

For an extra special touch, an elegant private dining room, with dedicated waiter is available for parties of up to 12 guests. The new summer terrace at Drakes is now open for informal alfresco lunches – perfect for well deserved sundowners after work.

43–44 Marine Parade, Brighton, BN2 1PE, 01273 696934, www.drakesofbrighton.com

The Townhouse Restaurant Kemp Town

The Townhouse is discovering itself as a home for all, with a dining area, lounge bar, private function suite and a piano room. The head chef brings all his prestige from The London Dorchester to create a menu specialising in locally sourced steaks, seafood and vegetarian dishes, that fits the Brighton way. Whether you want a quick lunch or wish to stay the evening, they promise you a warm welcome that will make you not want to leave! Enjoy the live pianist Wednesday and Friday nights, 8pm–10pm, or the resident jazz band for Sunday roasts, 5pm–7.30pm. Don't forget their great value lunch set menu (two courses £11.95, three courses £15.95 ) and evening (two courses £15.95, three courses £18.95 ), which runs Monday toThursday. For promotions visit their website or call them.

81–82 St James’s Street, Kemp Town, Brighton BN2 1PA, 01273 693216, www.thetownhousekemptown.co.uk

Chinese Gars Restaurant

This old Brighton favourite offers an exciting menu with some great new ideas and a wholly different experience in terms of style and presentation. Smart service, beautiful interiors and a chic atmosphere make this one of the city’s top places to be seen. Start downstairs at the bar. Eat from £10.

19 Prince Albert Street, Brighton 01273 321321, www.gars.co.uk

French Cocoa Patisserie

Cocoa is an authentic French patisserie near Brighton Station. Everything is homemade on the premises each morning with the finest ingredients. A selection of pastries, cakes, tarts, biscuits, jams, ice creams, sandwiches, quiches, toasties and salads to eat in or take away. Beautiful cakes made to order.

48 Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XB, 01273 777412

Mange Tout

Mange Tout is an independent bistro that opened two years ago. Great French cooking and fresh, local, ethical produce has proved to be a success. Visit for breakfast for the acclaimed eggs Mange Tout, lunch for the daily specials or dinner for refined French classics. Local beers and carefully selected wines or just a freshly squeezed orange juice with your breakfast!

Mange Tout, 81 Trafalgar street, BN1 4EB, 01273 607270

New Steine Bistro

“With more than a soupçon of Gallic charm The New Steine Bistro are true bon viveurs.

No fancy pants fashion fads here, but some well executed classics. Most importantly though is their open attitude: everyone gets the same charming welcome – guests and diners, locals and visitors alike – and when you have been once, you will want to return again and again.” – Andrew Kay, L7 food writer.

Their reasonably priced menu starts at £12.50 for two courses, £14.50 for three, Sunday to Thursday; £16.50 for two courses, £18.50 for three on Friday and Saturday.

A la carte menu available. Open 6pm.

10/11 New Steine, Brighton, BN2 1PB, 01273 681546/695415 www.newsteinehotel.com/restaurant.asp

Indian Chaula’s Gars Restaurant

Chaula’s is renowned for its signature dishes, distinctive décor and friendly staff. All meals are made fresh to order and every curry has

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its own distinctively flavoured sauce. Also a wide variety of vegetarian, vegan and gluten and wheat-free dishes. Buffet available 11am–3pm Monday to Saturday.

Eastgate House, 6 Eastgate Street, Lewes, BN7 2LP, 01273 476707, www.chaulas.co.uk

The Chilli Pickle

Local champion of regional Indian cuisine using seasonal, Sussex produce. For lunch you can feast upon a selection of award-winning King Thalis, street snacks, dosas, Romali Roti wraps and Kathi Kebabs. There’s plenty of choice for vegetarian gourmands to enjoy too.The Chilli Pickle has been recognised with a Michelin Bib, 2 AA rosettes, voted Top 100 UK Restaurant in The National Restaurant Awards and runners up in this year’s Brighton Foodie Awards.Lunch is served 12pm–3pm; Dinner 6pm–10.30pm Closed Tuesdays. Booking essential.

17 Jubilee Street, Brighton BN1 1GE, 01273 900383, www.thechillipickle.com

Indian Summer

Nationally acclaimed and a favourite with locals, Indian Summer is celebrating its 10th anniversary. Serving favourites like masala dosa and bhel puri, the menu is influenced from genuine recipes covering south, north, and central india. For lunch you can choose two courses for £10 or a new tapas street menu with four choices for 11.95. An elegant evening set menu starts at £21.95. Booking is strongly advised. For offers and events find them on Facebook.

69 East Street, Brighton, BN1 1HQ, 01273 711001, www.indian-summer.org.uk

Italian Donatello

Flagship venue of this local family-run business serving excellent value Italian food in stylish surroundings. Brilliant-value meal deals on blackboards outside – two courses £6.95, three £8.95 – as well as à la carte. The haunt of celebs in season from soap stars to politicos. Fun, friendly and fabulous value.

Brighton Place, Brighton, BN1 1HJ, 01273 775477, www.donatello.co.uk

Fat Leo

The budget branch of the Donatello stable but you’d be hard-pressed to see why. Quality family dining in the Italian mould but a little less expensive. Popular with students and young families, with trendy interiors, and a menu with the signature set-price boards proclaiming any two courses £5.95, and three at £7.95.

16–17 Market Street, Brighton BN1 1HH, 01273 325135, www.fatleo.co.uk

Mediterraneo Deli

Mediterraneo Deli is indeed a family business, dedicated to serving you the best tasting, truly genuine and most authentic Sicilian food. The family-run deli offers mouth-watering daily specials, birthday cakes made to order and typical Sicilian products. They enjoy catering for all events from lunch meetings to dinner parties and weddings. Every dish is prepared daily and served fresh to order with ingredients genuinely sourced from Sicily. Open 9am–3pm Mon-Fri, 10am–3pm Sat, 2a Clyde Road, Brighton, BN1 4NP, 01273 674350, www.mediterraneodeli.co.uk

Thai The Green Mango

The Green Mango has arrived to spice up Brighton and Hove! This modern Thai restaurant is committed to giving you the complete Thai experience, with the most authentic food possible. Lunch starts at £4.95, and we’re open every day, so come down and “gin yur yur” (eat a lot!)

8 Church Road, Hove, BN3 2FL, 01273 327226, www.thegreenmangohove.com

Wine bar Plateau

Plateau is a unique bar à vin and restaurant.

They have put a great deal of time and love into selecting their wines. To soak up their wine they serve ‘bites’, small dishes that are perfect to share or great as a starter. Follow your ‘bites’ with a ‘plat’ or ‘plateau’ and that’s their dinner experience. But don’t forget to try their cocktails!

Plateau, 1 Bartholomews, Brighton, BN1 1HG, 01273 733085

To add your entry to our Hotlist call Advertising on 01273 818150

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HEALTH&BEAUTY

Bottoms up

Enjoy festivities and avoid the Christmas party burnout that can come with a bad hangover

T

Ping Pong

Merrily on High!

Social Ping Pong at Latest Musicbar

his Christmas, the partying and late nights can take its toll on us, leaving us physically and mentally exhausted. But that doesn’t mean we should stay in and be a hermit throughout December; Christmas parties are a must. We look forward to them and enjoy celebrating with friends, work colleagues and family.

Healthwise though, we need to get the balance right when it comes to alcohol consumption. While the recommended guidelines are three to four units a day for men (one and a half pints) and two to three a day for women (one 175ml glass of wine), over the two to three weeks around Christmas we can actually consume around eight units – every single day.

Aside from affecting our mood, skin, weight and sleep, the excess alcohol also takes its toll on our liver. Quite simply, what is happening is this: the function of the liver is to turn glucose into fat, which it then sends around the body. Alcohol prevents this from happening so the liver gets full of fat and gets bigger. As a result we can feel sick. Excess alcohol in the short term (i.e: over the holiday season) means our liver is likely to recover and won’t be detrimental to our health.

Ongoing heavy and excessive drinking is when it can be really dangerous.

The way to prevent liver damage is to know your limit when drinking over the holiday season. There will be parties where you will exceed the daily recommended amount of units.

Counterbalance this by not drinking every day during the holidays. See our pointers (right) on avoiding a party hangover but if you do happen to fall victim to one this Christmas, see ‘Beat the Hangover’ for tips.

Avoid the hangover • Eat something before drinking alcohol – carbs are a great option and will slow down the body’s absorption of alcohol • Drink water or soft drinks between alcoholic beverages • Drink spritzers – a larger drink and less alcohol • Ask for a small (125ml) glass of wine • Drink half pints if you opt for a high strength lager • Making drinks at home? Invest in proper measuring equipment (or add it to your Christmas list) and measure spirits instead of pouring freely

Beat the hangover • Drink as much water as you can before going to bed and the following day • Avoid caffeine as this will dehydrate you even more • Drink a fruit juice for vitamins • Eat for energy: carbs and bananas (source of potassium)

Why risk it?

•All welcome to come and play table tennis •Bar available •Mince pies & mulled wine •Bring your friends Thursday 22nd December, 7.30pm Latest Musicbar, 14-17 Manchester Street, Brighton www.thelatest.co.uk/musicbar www.pingpongengland.co.uk brightontabletennisclub.com

While drinking is allowed this Christmas, drink driving is absolutely not – no matter how little alcohol is consumed. It can be confusing to know the limits; the actual law is 80 milligrams of alcohol for every 100 millimetres of blood in your body. There is no safe way to calculate this as it varies depending on age, weight, the type of alcohol you’ve drunk and food consumed. So why risk it? If you drink of an evening you may be unfit to drive the next morning. Caught drink driving and you can incur a £5,000 fine, a 12 month driving ban and a criminal record. That’s not to mention the danger you can be to yourself and others.

Enjoy Christmas; have a drink and be merry, but keep alcohol consumption to a safe level. Cheers. follow me on twitter

@latestzara

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MAD MATT BOOKINGS DOWNLOAD CHART

L7 Bookings On sale this week…

THE LADY IN THE VAN

Theatre Royal Brighton, 11–14 April 2012, £12–25, 0844 871 7650, www.agttickets.com/brighton The Alan Bennett play about the remarkable character at the bottom of his garden stars the talented actress Nichola McAuliffe.

PEPPA PIG’S TREASURE HUNT

Theatre Royal Brighton, 25–26 April 2012, £11.50–15.50 (family ticket £54), 0844 871 7650, www.agttickets.com/brighton Ahoy there, me hearties! Peppa Pig and her friends are going on a treasure hunt and need your help! Following the incredible success of Peppa Pig’s Party, Peppa is back with a brand new show featuring true to life

and rockabilly, they have a strong reputation for their wildly charismatic live shows. puppets, perfect sing-a-long songs and a new story that will charm and delight all her fans.

WOLF PEOPLE

The Haunt, 15 January 2012, £8, www.thehauntbrighton.co.uk Earlier this year the band sold out and psyched out a sweltering hot show/audience at The Prince Albert. ’70s grooves, kraut rhythms, pscyh guitar licks, folk nods... their sound is certainly eclectic.

LEGENDARY SHACK SHAKERS

Concorde 2, 24 April 2012, £11, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Nashville foursome The Legendary Shack Shakers began playing country acts in the notorious Lower Broadway district, and in 2001 came together to form the band. Mixing country, rock ’n’ roll, blues

The Lady In The Van

Matt Whistler’s video tag researcher Bob Wordsworth has a way with words

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his week’s exclusive is with Matt Whistler’s video tag researcher Bob Wordsworth: “For every great tag I came up with Matt Whistler paid me in polkadots cut out of a cereal box.

I am a freelancer; this is just so humiliating. Take your tag words Bob Wordsworth

and shove them up your... Merry Christmas Everyone – 2011 – 2012 – Shakin’ Stevens – Matt Whistler – Southover Street – tea tray – Xmas – naked –

To listen to the chart and submit your track, go to www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

TOYAH

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Concorde 2, 14 April 2012, £15, 01273 673311, www.concorde2.co.uk Cult figure, household name and music legend Toyah. Say no more.

1 BreakinBear Joe Cocker – Never Tear Us Apart (BreakinBear Dubstep Remix)

KRATER CHRISTMAS KRACKER

It’s the perfect festive party, and the good news is there’s plenty of Krater Christmas Krackers between now and 25 December. The three-course meal went down a treat: a deliciously warming soup, lamb shank that was so tender it fell off the bone, and a cheeky chocolate pot pud that hit the spot. It’s a tasty menu that makes a change from turkey and sprouts!

Added to the menu is a great comedy line-up. On this night, compere Stephen Grant provided plenty of funny stories and crowd interaction.

Comics Eddy Brimson and Sean Collins both touched on the woes of parenthood to great comic effect.

Brimson had me almost crying with laughter at his ‘wife story’ while a Jagermeister-fuelled Collins appeared to expose one family table’s closerthan-close relations and a South African ‘invasion’. Great fun. If anything, a third act would have made the night complete.

Komedia, 8 December JJJJJ Zara Baker

2 Tenek No Time For Fighting (JAB EDIT) 3 Chaos Borne Watching 4 The Woo!worths When I Became A Tyger 5 Osaro and RJ Shut Up And Dance 6 The Magik Word Break Free (Terrorvision) 7 The Last Cry Rebekka 8 Black Nail God Damn You 9 Moonlighter Every Time I Fall 10 The Wolfgirl Liberation Darkstar

Read reviews of recent shows online at www.thelatest.co.uk/7

sledger – sledge – Surfin’ Bird – Brighton – England – UK – LOL ROFL – streaker – London – snow – snowing – white – No.1 – uncensored – comedy hilarious – stupid – stunt – laugh out loud – cold – freezing – funny – songs – Florin Street – band – New York – carol – holiday – music video – Jingle Bells – lights – Victorian – Jamie Oliver – fairytale Christmas festive best – happy – text – Santa theme – Nirvana My Favourite Time of Year – LOL – Justin Bieber – I quit!”

Find Matt Whistler on www.facebook.com and select ‘like’

Latest Brighton Download Chart

TOP 10

Under review…

Photos: MCP

Mad Matt

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After a brief stint being pushed down the charts, it’s a welcome return to the top spot this week for BreakinBear’s nicely dubstep-ed up take on classic rocker Joe Cocker’s ‘Never Tear Us Apart’. Last week’s Number One, the heavier ‘Jab Edit’ of dark cyber-pop types Tenek’s ‘No Time For Fighting’ gets nudged down to take this week’s second place as fellow moody goth-bothering dance/rockers Chaos Borne climb to three with ‘Watching’. Meanwhile, at four, we have the indie rockers The Woo!Worths with their William Blakesounding ‘When I Became A Tyger’, with former chart-toppers Osaro and RJ’s flamboyant house hit ‘Shut Up And Dance’ at five.

11 Nick Conroy Better Days 12 EVOH “I Love Brighton” 13 Rubber Johnny Shut Up and Dance RJ remix 14 Nick Conroy Don’t Care 15 Nick Conroy Forever 16 Chaos Borne The Moment 17 Tenek State Of Mind 18 Jenny Hallam Me, Me, Me 19 La Lunalight Hear No Evil 20 Champion Fever Dragons SUBM YOURIT MUSIC & videos

SUBMIT YOUR MUSIC AND VIDEOS

www.thelatest.co.uk/7/music-chart

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LATEST PREVIEWS STAGEMUSIC&CLUBS

L7 Previews

MUSIC: GLENN TILBROOK

STAGE: THEATRE ROYAL BRIGHTON PRODUCTIONS IS LAUNCHED

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The Squeeze frontman incorporates the iPad into his set hris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook formed one of the most celebrated songwriting partnerships in recent times and their 2007 reformation saw them cashing in on their earlier success, with Glenn still working the circuit as a solo artist.

“The reaction to the tour has been amazing,” says Glenn, who is currently in the middle of a long UK tour. “When Squeeze got back together we were quite fastidious in preparation – it was a better show, a better Squeeze. And I wanted to take that to my solo world. I’ve got Simon Hanson and Chris McNally with me – although I wanted to do the opposite to Squeeze... the idea of acoustic guitars, wild bongos, ukuleles, harmoniums...

We’re also using iPads – there’s a drum machine app I would have paid £400 for a few years ago but now, as an app, it’s just £10!

“Next year, Chris and I will see if we can come up with anything Squeezelike and brilliant... if we can’t then we won’t do it; combining Squeeze and my own work has got to be real and passionate, on both counts.

Glenn Tilbrook, Monday 19 December, 7.30pm, £17.50, Komedia, 0845 2938480, www.komedia.co.uk/brighton

Theatre Royal Brighton Productions launches under the artistic direction of Christopher Luscombe with Maria Aitken and Philip Franks as associate directors

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mbassador Theatre Group (ATG) has announced a new theatre company, Theatre Royal Brighton Productions, which will present classic drama both on tour and in the West End, under the artistic direction of Christopher Luscombe, with associate directors Maria Aitken and Philip Franks.

“I’m delighted to have this opportunity to create shows for one of my favourite theatres,” says Christopher Luscombe. “All actors and directors have a fondness for Theatre Royal Brighton, and the distinctive magic of both the playhouse and the city. Brighton has a great tradition for outstanding theatre, and we hope to build on it. I can’t wait to get started.”

They will present three plays during their first year, beginning in May 2012, with each opening in Brighton before going on a nationwide tour of the country’s best playhouses and then to London. The intention is to deliver the highest quality theatre with the cream of British talent in established and, on occasion, rarely seen plays.

Christopher Luscombe began his career as an actor. His work includes seven years with the Royal Shakespeare Company, as well as appearances at the National Theatre and in the West End. His recent credits as director include When We Are Married in the West End (Olivier nominated for Best Revival) and the UK Tour of Spamalot for ATG. His acclaimed production of The Madness Of George III opens at the Apollo Theatre in January.

Maria Aitken has played leading roles for the Royal Shakespeare Company, the National Theatre and the Old Vic, and has starred in more Noël Coward plays on the West End stage than any other actress. She has directed many plays in UK regional theatres and in the West End, including The 39 Steps.

Philip Franks is best known for his starring roles in TV series’ The Darling Buds Of May and Heartbeat. In theatre, he divides his time equally between acting and directing.

Theatre Royal Brighton Productions will be produced by Howard Panter, Adam Speers and Evanna White for Ambassador Theatre Group.

follow me on twitter

CLUBS: CATHOLIC DISCIPLINE A new weekly night hosted by Brighton’s least understood noiseniks, Superheroes of BMX. Noise rock alongside Turkish prog, disco pop, Welsh language acid folk and TV theme tunes.

Sticky Mike’s Frog Bar, Thu 15 Dec, 8pm–12am, free CLUBS: JOHNNY WOO’S GAY BINGO It’s a show, it’s a party, it’s bingo – like you've never seen it! The alt drag performance and arty game show party. Headed by tranny superstar Jonny Woo, with Ma Butcher as the number cruncher and John Sizzle deejaying. With the choice of a meal deal ticket and cabaret seating.

Komedia, Wed 14 Dec, 7.30pm, £24/15

Maria Aitken, Philip Franks and Christopher Luscombe

Pic: GFG Photography

MUSIC: THE LEMONHEADS Alt-rock heartthrob Evan Dando and his Lemonheads are currently

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revisiting their best know album It’s A Shame About Ray. No original material has been produced since 2006 but expect some newer songs in the set...

Concorde 2, Tue 13 Dec, 7.30pm, SOLD OUT MUSIC: THE MOJO FINS Brighton-based outfit whose last album Shake The Darkness was produced by uber-producer Dave Eringa, the result being a much more sonically textured work.

Great looking bill also features Man Ray Sky, Gypsy Switch, Twin Brother and Fellow Stranger.

Pavilion Theatre, Brighton Dome, Fri 16 Dec, 7.30pm, £8 MUSIC: BEN OTTEWELL Singer and guitarist with indie rockers Gomez, this local boy released his first solo album earlier in the year, Shapes And Shadows, and in-between Gomez duties he does the odd gig here and there including this one at Komedia.

Komedia, Fri 16 Dec, 7.30pm, £12

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

0844 504 0004

Established since May 2009, our Kemp Town-based security services have flourished due to our customer service approach to licensed venue security. If you're looking for SIA licensed Door Supervisors and/or 24hr mobile response call us for a free quotation and free security advice. www.conciergeandsecurity.com – security you can depend on!

Enquiries: admin@conciergeandsecurity.com

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LATEST PREVIEWS FILM, ART, EVENTS&COMEDY 21

FILM: SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS (TBC)

COMEDY: ALEX HORNE – SEVEN YEARS IN A BATHROOM

Director: Guy Ritchie

Acclaimed comedy comes to Shoreham

ART: A XMAS KNEES UP Ink_d have asked the many artists who have exhibited there over the years to bring in new work for their seasonal group show, including work

by Anthony Micallef, Andy Doig, Ryan Callanan, Sean Madden, Jake Wood Evans and Maria Rivans.

A Xmas Knees Up, Ink_d Gallery, 96 North Road, Brighton, 01273 645299, Until 24 December ART: ROBERT HOFF New display of etchings by Hovebased artist Robert Goff (18371922). Over 50 etchings are on show, from local views of Brighton and Sussex to the scenery of Italy and Japan.

Robert Hoff: An Etcher in the Wake of Whistler, Prints & Drawings Gallery, Brighton Museum, Pavilion Gardens, 01273 290900. Until 26 April 2012 FILM: ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS – CHIPWRECKED 3D (TBC) Dir: Mike Mitchell Welcome to instalment numero tres in which Alvin, Simon and Theodore find themselves on a luxury cruise only to have disaster strike marooning them on a desert island.

No reason not to sing and dance though, is it? Woo hoo!

Featuring Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney and Jason Lee. Released Fri 16 December Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

For full details of film times: www.odeon.co.uk www.picturehouses.co.uk www.cineworld.co.uk www.worthingtheatres.co.uk

Pic: David Smith

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he idiosyncratic nineteenth century detective is back, with Robert Downey Jnr’s own fabulous take on ‘quirky’, dating back from when the difference between ‘eccentric’ and ‘mad’ was determined by the size of your bank balance.

When the Crown Prince of Austria is found dead everything points to suicide. Holmes, however, deduces murder is afoot and quickly gets embroiled in investigations to such a degree that he soon finds himself drawn into a tangled web of such cunning construction it could only have been made by his nemesis Professor Moriarty.

Joining Robert Downey Jnr’s Holmes are Jude Law and Rachel McAdams reprising their roles, as well as Stephen Fry, Jarred Harris and Noomi Rapace.

Released Fri 16 December Showing at Odeon and Cineworld

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itting an entire average lifetime into one hour takes some doing, but with some careful timing, no shortage of PowerPoint illustrations and a large number of intelligent and plain silly laughs mixed in together, Alex Horne manages to do just that.

This is Horne’s show that did so well at the Brighton Comedy Festival in October, now touring and coming back to our neck of the woods – to our great delight.

Working out that we spend on average seven years of our lives in the bathroom is just one of the rather incredible statistics brought to light in this show.

Using a smidge of audience participation (don’t sit in the front row if you hate the idea of joining in) and a lot of incredible ingenuity, this is a beautiful show brought together with love and a giant egg timer.

Alex Horne – Seven Years In A Bathroom, Ropetackle Centre, Thursday 15 December, 8pm, £10, 01273 464440, www.ropetacklecentre.co.uk follow me on twitter

COMEDY: PAPPY’S: WORK IN PROGRESS One of Britain’s best sketch teams tries out new material ahead of a national tour. Award-winning, utterly unpredictable and firm favourites in Brighton – this sketch trio are always worth a punt.

Upstairs At Three & Ten, Sun 8 December, 8pm, £8/5 COMEDY: OFFAL Established comedians test out some embryonic ideas alongside some brand new comics taking their first steps into a career in performance.

3 Jolly Butchers, Sun 8 December, 8pm, free EVENT: FATHER CHRISTMAS AT THE ROYAL PAVILION Meet Father Christmas in the Royal Pavilion and enjoy a festive tour of

latestvicky

the palace in your best fancy dress, greeting Dickensian characters along the way. Be sure to book in advance. Children must be accompanied by an adult.

The Royal Pavilion, Sat 17–Thu 22 December, daily, to book call 03000 290902, or buy in person at any Pavilion venue.

EVENT: WINTER WARMER CONCERT Enjoy the Vivace! choir with a glass of mulled wine and some winter treats in the beautiful Unitarian Church in the heart of the North Laine. Vivace! will take you on a musical journey, performing Christmas favourites and choral classics. All proceeds will go towards saving the lives of those living with TB in Africa and Asia.

Unitarian Church, Fri 16 Dec, 7pm–10pm, £5, call 01273 827070

Listings Send your stage listings to: stage@thelatest.co.uk Send your comedy listings to: comedy@thelatest.co.uk Send your events listings to: events@thelatest.co.uk Send your arts listings to: art@thelatest.co.uk Send your music listings to: music@thelatest.co.uk Send your club listings to: clubs@thelatest.co.uk Send your gay listings to: gay@thelatest.co.uk

TOTALLY COMPREHENSIVE! Brighton’s listings in one click: thelatest.co.uk On your mobile: m.thelatest.co.uk

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STARS | TV

STARS With Val Aviv

HARIES {Mar 21–Apr 20}

Mercury the planet of communications and negotiations leaves retrograde motion for dust and promises to straighten out your bewildered yet eager mind. There’s more to charm than a smile; it’s called diplomacy and will calm any storm!

HTAURUS {Apr 21–May 21}

Soon all will be revealed and you can know what the struggle has been about. Like most things that cook slowly, the sweet taste of success is so much richer. Don’t take your eyes off the future because that’s where you’re going.

HGEMINI {May 22–June 21}

Learning to strike a balance between the higher aspects of mind and the more animalistic desires of man can bring an entirely new perspective. Illumination comes via an unlikely friend who seems to go against everything you stand for.

HCANCER {June 22–July 22}

Why do we feel the need to build such rigid structures around our psyche? Consider that you’re stronger than you realise, especially if you have dependable friends. Something beautiful can happen if you allow someone to get closer.

HLEO {July 23–Aug 22}

With no shortages of good times billed on the calendar, does that mean you’ll be free from annoying set backs? No! But with the right attitude problems can be opportunities.

HVIRGO {Aug 23–Sep 22}

After three weeks of niggling frustrations, important negotiations and endless red tape, your exasperated ruler Mercury goes direct. Home is no longer the place where you pull your hair out but where you can enjoy others’ company.

HLIBRA {Sep 23–Oct 22}

You may start leaning towards tough love with family; this can bring everyone a sense of reality, security and fair play. In partnership the element of surprise may be the last thing you expect, but the stars suggest you’ll have to get used to it.

HSCORPIO {Oct 23–Nov 21}

Pay attention and ask everyone you meet if the grass is really greener. Some people may subscribe to this empty idea but not you. You’re doing just fine; you don’t need to compete.

HSAGITTARIUS {Nov 22–Dec 20}

Friends can help you to crystallise imaginative ideas, which need a little practical fortitude to turn them into a solid reality. Your mind is now racing. Slow down and work to polish the crafts at which your hand is being turned.

HCAPRICORN {Dec 21–Jan 19}

There are downsides to being so amenable and being in demand is one of them. No-one suspects that you already have a million things on your plate needing urgent attention.

So if work is mounting up, let them down gently.

HAQUARIUS {Jan 20–Feb 19}

Being an idealist does not mean you have to lose touch with reality. It also doesn’t mean that you have to be a martyr! You are not the only one gunning for an ideal world.

HPISCES {Feb 20–Mar 20}

What is most important now? Freedom,education or your wealth of experimental experience? Values are beginning to shift, which means finances may become unstable. Don’t fret, there’s infinitely more to your world than money.

Val Aviv is the presenter for Brighton Lights on Latest TV www.thelatest.tv For more astrological insights and monthly horoscopes visit www.valaviv.com or for a personal astrological reading contact Val Aviv at: astrology@valaviv.com

L7 TV Your weekly TV guide 813 – 19 DECEMBER ideas of healing animals and an over-confidence that is soon rubbing his new professors up the wrong way. With a suitcase full of novels and clean pants under his arm, the first-day-of-term feeling – surrounded and a tad awed by the bigger boys With Victoria Nangle (and girls), general confusion at the geography of the place, and earnest hope and expectation at a brand new life – is conveyed beautifully. Glasgow is a hustling city, with brand new motorcars passing by horse-drawn carts and postal orders holding the entire wealth of a term’s survival.

James soon makes two new friends, the outlandishly suave and self-confident Rob McAloon and the campaigning feminist Whirly Tyson. Whirly is one of only two women studying at the College, and is accused of being indecent with her flyers demanding ladies toilet facilities at the learning awks! Somebody’s taken Olly Murs and made establishment. It’s examples like this that place it him an early 20th century veterinary firmly within its own time, and make James’ student at Glasgow Veterinary College! It’s ringing endorsement and full support of everything true! Well, it looks like it’s true she does ring a little of 50/50 as among the first wave of hindsight. Surely, even if he feel-good Christmas telly was one of the nicest chaps “Motorcars pass coming our way from the BBC you’d ever meet, these were is hidden the young Iain De quite revolutionary ideas that horse-drawn carts, Caestecker who, it has to be would take careful and postal orders said, bears an uncanny consideration almost 100 resemblance to The Xtra years ago. To make the move hold the entire wealth Factor presenter and singer. from new boy to political De Caestecker steps up to radical in one short day brings of a term’s survival” the Sunday evening slot of us back to the Sunday evening period heart-warming drama programming of the show with a disarming smile and a concentrated frown which is a shame when an emotional journey was as the young James Herriot in the drama of the all ready to be had to female emancipation in a same name. Yes, some of us slightly older telly young man’s mind. watchers might be familiar with vet Herriot’s works All in all though, Young James Herriot warms the from Christopher Timothy’s machinations Christmas cockles in the way a real hearth fire with alongside Peter Davidson in the 1980s’ All a beaming Olly Murs in a reindeer jumper is likely to Creatures Great And Small, but this looks further do. It’s very Christmassy, with its Dickensian colour back, at what motivated the man to become a vet scheme, but equally bound to be loved by Monarch in the first place, and to contextualise how vets Of The Glen fans everywhere. Such a nice boy. Go on, might learn back in a time between the wars when give him a full series. And maybe a Garibaldi to so much was changing in the wake of the previous dunk in his tea. century’s Industrial Revolution.

Young James Herriot, BBC1, Sunday 18 December The series (well, the run of three programmes) follow me on twitter latestvicky opens as Herriot arrives in Glasgow with romantic

Telly Talk

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tuesday 13 Money BBC2, 9pm Last in the intriguing series about people’s personal attitudes towards moolah. Forty thousand pounds is, apparently, the average British income per household. Some struggle on this while others consider themselves quite affluent. How can the same budget elicit such varied responses? Here’s how.

My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas Channel 4, 9pm If it could work as a decoration on top of a toilet roll then that’s the dress for us! We just love the merengue pinks and weightdefying layers of net that go to make such splendid spectacle.

Filmed last Christmas, the team are back with their ‘Gypsy’ subjects, including two of the most elaborate weddings ever.

Tool Academy E4, 10pm Are these really such bad boyfriends if they’ve stuck around all this time through ridicule and personal embarrassment to be one of the last four couples? Oh yeah, there is that cash incentive. Still, here’s the biggie – a relationship obstacle course. Apparently there are six stages. Does any one involve gunge?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Noise Squad 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 2.45 Nigel Slater’s Simple Suppers 3.05 Barney’s Latin America 3.35 Splatalot 4.00 Alesha’s Street Dance Stars 4.30 Helen’s Extreme 2012 Adventure: Blue Peter Special 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Pet Squad 7.55 Newsround 8.00 Copycats 8.25 Iconicles 8.50 Lulu Zipadoo 9.05 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.20 Something Special 9.40 Charlie And Lola 9.55 ZingZillas 10.15 Wibbly Pig 10.25 Louie 10.35 Octonauts 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Coast 1.15 Trash To Cash 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Coast 6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Live daily dose of backstage gossip, training action and exclusive news from Strictly Come Dancing, with Zoe Ball.

7.00 Victorian Farm Christmas There’s farm work to be done before the festive season, including the hay harvest, to make food for the animals over winter.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals It’s Final Week on MasterChef: The Professionals and only three exceptional chefs remain to battle it out for the title. It’s time for Michel Roux Jr and Gregg Wallace to turn the heat up to boiling point. The three finalists hit the culinary fast lane cooking at San Pellegrino’s second best restaurant in the world: El Celler de Can Roca, in Catalonia.

9.00 Money See highlights.

10.00 Life’s Too Short Warwick seeks spiritual guidance, and following a visit to the dating agency where he met his wife, he embarks on a quest to find a new partner.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Emily Maitlis.

11.20 Leonardo Documentary examining the life of Leonardo da Vinci.

12.20am The Company 1.55 News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 May The Best House Win 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Murder, She Wrote 5.00 Best Dish: The Chefs

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Undercover Boss Australia 9.55 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas 10.55 Christmas At River Cottage 12.00pm Drop Down Menu 1.00 FILM: Local Hero (1983) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Christmas Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Mio Mao 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Milkshake! Christmas Songs 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: Miami 3.10 FILM: Noel (2004) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale John despairs now that only Cain can save him.

7.30 The Adventurer’s Guide To Britain Gethin Jones and naturalist Charlotte Uhlenbroek present the series in which they explore Britain and reveal how to get the most adventure out of short visits all over the country. In this episode, they head to the Pennines and unearth a hidden gem – Upper Teesdale.

8.00 High Stakes Jeremy Kyle presents the last in the series of the big money game show in which players have to cross the High Stakes grid to win increasing amounts of money from £1,000 to £500,000.

9.00 My Child’s Not Perfect Second episode of a two-part programme looking at the problem of children with behavioural, emotional or clinical issues. The show meets eight-year-old Maddy, who is on the verge of being excluded from school.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Rumor Has It (2005) Starring Jennifer Aniston, Kevin Costner, Shirley MacLaine. Perky romantic comedy following a woman’s quest to discover if there is any truth to the local legend that her parents inspired the story behind movie classic The Graduate.

12.20am The Zone 2.55 Kojak 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks A hurt Maddie lashes out at Callum, but will her harsh words send him running?

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 The Food Hospital Health series examining the science behind using food as medicine. 47-year-old Alan finds out about the risks of metabolic syndrome. An experimental plan is tried by Steph, who has been affected by chronic fatigue syndrome for 13 years.

9.00 My Big Fat Gypsy Christmas See highlights.

10.00 This Is England ’88 Follow-up miniseries to Shane Meadows’ award-winning This Is England ‘86.

In the first part, it is December 23 and life is not looking so festive for some. Lol is struggling to cope with new responsibilities and past haunts.

11.10 Random Acts 11.15 The Joy Of Teen Sex Series exploring the sex lives of today’s teenagers.

12.15am PokerStars.co.uk UK And Ireland Poker Tour 1.15 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 1.40 Offshore Academy 2.10 FIVB World Beach Volleyball Championship 3.00 KOTV Boxing Weekly 3.30 GE Blenheim Triathlon 3.55 That Paralympic Show 4.20 Scrapheap Challenge 5.15 Stephen Hawking’s Universe

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Ford Monday Night Football 11.00 Super Six Final Countdown 11.30 SPL Round-Up 12.00pm Soccer AM: The Best Bits 1.00 Netbusters 1.30 Ford Monday Night Football 3.30 Test Cricket (x2) 5.30 Super Six Final Countdown 6.00 Revista De La Liga 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Scottish Premier League 10.00 Super Six Final Countdown 10.30 Revista De La Liga 11.30 Football Asia 12.00am Scottish Premier League 1.30 Revista De La Liga 2.30 Super Six Final Countdown 3.00 Football Asia 3.30 Scottish Premier League 5.00 Revista De La Liga

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on the One Show.

7.30 EastEnders Phil is left reeling by the evidence he has found, but Shirley is convinced he is wrong.

8.00 Holby City Malick’s world is thrown into chaos when an ex-lover turns up at Holby. Can he stop his personal feelings influencing his professional judgement?

9.00 Death In Paradise Detective drama series. Dwayne ends up embroiled in a murder investigation when a piece of incriminating evidence is found at the scene of the crime.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine... Books – The Last Chapter? With the rise of electronic books, is the final chapter about to be written in the long love story between books and their readers?

11.40 FILM: Heavenly Creatures (1994) Starring Kate Winslet, Diana Kent, Sarah Peirse. Disturbing drama based on the true story of two teenage girls in 1950s New Zealand whose obsessive relationship leads them to commit murder.

1.15am Weatherview 1.20 Sign Zone: Frozen Planet 2.20 The Story Of Ireland 3.20 MasterChef: The Professionals 4.20 BBC News

6.00 Home And Away Benji accuses Brax of being the robbery’s getaway driver. Getting nowhere arguing his innocence, Charlie conspires with Brax to steal the evidence.

6.25 OK! TV A lively mix of celebrity gossip.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 How To Take Stunning Pictures Photography masterclass presented by Suzi Perry.

8.00 London: The Inside Story Fly-on-the-wall documentary series.

9.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama series. The team investigate when an unassuming businessman gets caught up in a murderous game.

10.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation Drama series. A double fatality at a Korea Town block party has the CSIs on the hunt for a missing boy who was the key witness to the shooting of his mother and uncle.

11.00 CSI: Miami Crime drama.

The team investigates the case of a person who was thrown into a wood chipper.

11.55 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation US drama series.

A rock singer who beat a drug habit years previously is found dead from an overdose while on tour.

1.00am SuperCasino 3.50 Animal Rescue Squad 4.05 The Gadget Show 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 HouseBusters (x2)

Sky Sports 2 7.00am Volvo Ocean Race 7.30 World Sailing Championships 8.00 Golfing World 9.00 European Tour Golf 10.00 Golf 1.00pm Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 2.30 Volvo Ocean Race 3.00 Golf 6.00 World Sailing Championships 6.30 Squash 7.30 Super Six Final Countdown 8.00 LIVE British Basketball 10.00 Sports Unlimited 11.00 Tenpin Bowling 12.00am British Basketball 2.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 3.00 World Sailing Championships 4.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Snow 7.00 WWE Afterburn 8.00 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 9.00 IRB Sevens Rugby 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Volvo Ocean Race 12.30 Fishing Gurus 1.00 Spruce Meadows Presents 2.00 IRB Sevens Rugby 4.00 WWE Smackdown 6.00 Great Run Series 7.00 BWF Badminton Super Series 8.00 Test Cricket 9.00 Test Cricket 10.00 Golfing World 11.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 12.00am Golf 12.30 BWF Badminton Super Series 1.30 Test Cricket (x2) 3.30 Golf: Ladies European Tour 4.30 Golf 5.00 Tenpin Bowling

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12.00pm Modern Family (x2) 1.00 House (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 The Great Tree House Challenge 9.00 Inside Gatwick 10.00 FILM: A Knight’s Tale (2001) 12.35am 35mm 2011 1.05 Big Trouble In Tourist Thailand

7.00pm Total Wipeout: The Final 8.00 Glamour Models, Mum And Me 9.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Him & Her 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am Don’t Tell The Bride 1.30 Him & Her 2.00 Glamour Models, Mum And Me 3.00 The Real Hustle: New Recruits

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Churches: How To Read Them 8.00 Balmoral 9.00 Donated To Science 9.55 Dinosaurs, Myths And Monsters 10.55 Jerusalem: The Making Of A Holy City 11.55 Vatican: The Hidden World 12.55am Balmoral 1.55 Donated To Science 2.50 Churches: How To Read Them

12.00pm Coronation Street (x2) 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Beauty And The Geek 4.35 Loose Women 5.35 Judge Judy 6.00 The X Factor Final Results 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Kelly’s Best & Worst 9.00 FILM: Deep Blue Sea (1999) 11.10 Peter Andre: My Life 12.10am FILM: The Jacket (2005)

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 The Father Dowling Mysteries 4.05 The Lakes 4.35 On The Buses (x2) 5.50 Heartbeat 6.50 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 The Best Of The Royal Variety 10.00 Agatha Christie’s Marple 12.05am Wycliffe 1.05 Numb3rs 1.50 On The Buses

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Shipwrecked: The Island 9.00 Rude Tube: Ultimate Champions 10.00 Tool Academy. See highlights.

11.05 Phoneshop 11.40 The IT Crowd 12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

4.40pm A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 9.00 Come Dine With Me 10.00 True Stories: Transgenders: Pakistan’s Open Secret 11.15 Calvet A Tale Of Gangsters, Drugs, Family...and Paint!

1.00am Come Dine With Me

11.00am The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 12.50pm Green For Danger (1946) 2.40 Saboteur (1942) 4.45 Castle Of Cagliostro (1979) 6.45 Imagine That (2009) 9.00 Alien Resurrection (1997) 11.05 The Dreamers (2002) 1.20am 4 Months, 3 Weeks And 2 Days (2007) 3.40 Close

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wednesday 14 The Royal Variety Performance 2011 ITV1, 7.30pm In the presense of HRH The Princess Royal is this bumper variety pack of entertainment hosted by the effervescent Peter Kay. With star turns including Tony Bennett, Cee Lo Green, Tim Minchin, Penn & Teller, Pixie Lott, Jason Manford and BGT’s winner Jai McDowall, there’s loads here.

Class Dismissed BBC2, 10pm It’s a very British thing, and apparently it’s back – class has returned! With riots on the streets and an old-Etonian government in power we could almost be back with Blackadder and The Prince Regent. Frank Skinner leads a team of comics mixing laughs with analysis and experimentation. Ra!

Charlie’s Angels E4, 8pm Our diamonds in the very well chiselled and carefully lit rough embark upon a new case – that of the journalist who went missing on a Caribbean cruise.

‘Cause that’s what all journalists can afford for their hols. Hmm. Anyway, Kate is in a bit of a dilemma as is turns out this journo did a nasty expo on her.

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Noise Squad 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Barney’s Latin America 3.35 Splatalot 4.00 Alesha’s Street Dance Stars 4.30 Postcode 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 7.25am Children’s television 7.25 Trust Me I’m A Genie 7.40 Leon 7.45 Pet Squad 7.55 Newsround 8.00 Copycats 8.25 Iconicles 8.50 Lulu Zipadoo 9.05 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.20 Something Special 9.40 Charlie And Lola 9.55 ZingZillas 10.15 Everything’s Rosie 10.25 Octonauts 10.40 Waybuloo 11.00 In The Night Garden 11.30 The Daily Politics 1.00pm See Hear 1.30 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Coast

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 May The Best House Win 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Murder, She Wrote 5.00 Best Dish: The Chefs

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Undercover Boss Australia 9.55 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas 10.55 River Cottage Christmas Fayre 12.00pm Drop Down Menu 12.50 FILM: Great Expectations (1946) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Christmas Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Dermot Murnaghan hosts a celebrity special of the quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Live daily dose of backstage gossip, training action and exclusive news from Strictly Come Dancing, with Zoe Ball.

7.00 Victorian Farm Christmas Historical reality programme. As Christmas nears, the team must source a yule log, and Ruth winterproofs the cottage.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals It’s Final Week on MasterChef: The Professionals and only three exceptional chefs remain to battle it out for the title.

9.00 Steve Jobs: Billion Dollar Hippy Documentary looking at Apple – one of the biggest corporations in the world, fuelled by game-changing products that tap into modern desires, and its leader Steve Jobs, who contributed to its success by fusing a Californian counterculture attitude and a mastery of the art of hype with explosive advances in computer technology.

10.00 Class Dismissed See highlights.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis.

11.20 Leonardo Dramatised reconstruction of the life of Leonardo da Vinci.

12.20am The Company 1.55 News

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Sean the tearaway impresses Belle. Aaron is keen to avenge Cain. Laurel senses that Ashley is being distant. Just a thought, why is there not a bigger police presense in such a trouble-rich village? Surly their crime stats must be through the roof! Quite possibly rivaling The League Of Gentlemen’s Royston Vasey area. Best stay local with the Dingles, y’know.

7.30 The Royal Variety Performance 2011 See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: American Dreamz (2006) Starring Hugh Grant, Dennis Quaid, Willem Dafoe, Chris Klein and Mandy Moore. Comedy satirising celebrity culture. A re-elected American president attempts to boost his sagging popularity by agreeing to appear as a guest judge on a smash hit TV talent show. To spice things up even more, the producers enlist a raft of desperate contestants, including an Arab suicide bomber specialising in ballads. Just in case you were missing X Factor already.

12.30am The Zone 2.35 FILM: The Jerk (1979) 4.10 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Maddie embarks on a mission of self-destruction to try to rid herself of her feelings for Callum.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Superscrimpers: A Christmas Special The Superscrimpers return with a festive theme. Mrs Moneypenny tackles the energy giants and reveals how customers can get some cash back.

9.00 Jamie’s Christmas With Bells On Jamie Oliver presents a festive foodie special with traditional classics alongside new ideas and fantastic party food, including turkey Wellington and jerky ham hock. Yum! Yum! Yum! 10.00 This Is England ’88 Follow-up miniseries to Shane Meadows’ awardwinning This Is England ‘86. It’s Christmas Eve and Woody’s been offered a promotion at work. Lol pays a visit to Combo in prison. Shaun takes centre stage for his acting debut.

11.10 The Joy Of Teen Sex Series exploring the sex lives of today’s teenagers.

12.10am Random Acts 12.15 MUSIC ON 4: Live From Abbey Road 1.00 The Album Chart Show Spotlight 1.15 Koko Pop: Christmas Special 1.40 FILM: The Ice Storm (1997) 3.35 Stephen Hawking’s Universe 5.25 Countdown

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Mio Mao 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Milkshake!

Christmas Songs 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: NY 3.15 FILM: Farewell Mr Kringle (2010) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Despite a romantic night in a cabin with Brax, Heath and Bianca, Charlie is troubled as she drives home and accidentally knocks Liam off his motorbike. Irene collapses on her first day back at the diner. Stu lashes out at Sasha over the tattoo. Will she accept his apology a second time?

6.25 OK! TV Jeff Brazier and Jenny Frost present a lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features from the worlds of fame, music and fashion.

6.55 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas Classic animation.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Europa League Football Live Europa League football action from the latest round of this year’s competition.

10.15 FILM: Blood And Bone (2009) Starring Michael Jai White, Julian Sands and Eamonn Walker. Drama. An ex-con takes the underground fighting world by storm in his quest to fulfill a promise to a dead friend. Is he really that good a friend if his dying wish is you get the stuffing knocked out of you on a ragular basis. Just saying, read a little deeper for your motives.

12.15am Pokerstars: The Big Game 1.15 SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Wildlife SOS 4.35 Wildlife SOS 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 HouseBusters 5.35 HouseBusters

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans (x3) 9.00 Revista De La Liga 10.00 Scottish Premier League 11.30 Super Six Final Countdown 12.00pm Revista De La Liga 1.00 Scottish Premier League 2.30 Football Asia 3.00 Revista De La Liga 4.00 Scottish Premier League 5.30 Hyundai A League 6.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 8.00 LIVE Fight Night 10.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 11.00 FIFA Futbol Mundial 11.30 Football’s Greatest 12.00am Fight Night

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be discussed here.

7.30 That’s Britain! In the final episode, Grainne Seoige looks into the price of heating British homes; and Stanley Johnson tries to persuade the public to become stand-in Santas.

8.30 The Impressions Show Impressions galore as Jon Culshaw and Debra Stephenson present a compilation of the very best moments from series 3.

9.00 Motorway Cops The Motorway Cops chase after runaway drivers, including a stolen high-performance car with a determined thief at the wheel.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The National Lottery Wednesday Night Draws 10.45 Would I Lie To You? Rob Brydon returns to the host’s chair for the fourth series of the comedy show.

11.15 Film 2011 With Claudia Winkleman Film news, reviews and interviews with Claudia Winkleman.

11.55 FILM: Westworld (1973) Starring Yul Brynner, Richard Benjamin. Acclaimed sci-fi chiller.

1.20am Weatherview 1.25 Sign Zone: See Hear 1.55 Country Tracks 2.55 MasterChef: The Professionals 3.55 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Snow 7.00 WWE Vintage Collection 8.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 9.00 Golfing World 10.00 Golf 10.30 Squash 11.30 BWF Badminton Super Series 12.30pm World Sailing Championships 1.00 Squash 2.00 British Basketball 4.00 Golf 4.30 World Sailing Championships 5.00 NFL - Total Access 6.00 Judo 6.30 European Tour Weekly 7.30 LIVE Greyhound Racing 10.00 Bowls 11.00 NFL - Total Access 12.00am European Tour Weekly 1.00 Asian Tour Golf Show 1.30 Trans World Sport

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Close 8.30 World Sailing Championships 9.00 British Basketball 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics: Oz Style 12.00pm Sports Unlimited 1.00 Fishing: Thinking Tackle 2.00 Kings Of The Snow 2.30 World Sailing Championships 3.00 Sports Unlimited 4.00 Squash 5.00 WWE The Bottom Line 6.00 WWE Afterburn 7.00 Soccerex Rio 7.30 Soccerex Rio 8.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 9.00 English Open Ten Pin Bowling 10.00 Cage Fighter 10.30 Trans World Sport 11.30 Cage Fighter 12.00am Watersports World 1.00 English Open Ten Pin Bowling Victoria Nangle

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3.00pm Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons 7.00 The Middle 7.30 Modern Family 8.00 The Great Tree House Challenge 9.00 The Cafe 9.30 The Simpsons 10.00 Lady Gaga Presents The Monster Ball Tour 12.25am Brit Cops 1.25 Rooftop Rainforest

7.00pm Hot Like Us 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 FILM: Cars (2006) 10.50 Family Guy (x2) 11.35 American Dad! (x2) 12.25am Russell Howard’s Good News 12.55 The World’s Strictest Parents 1.50 Exposed: Groomed For Sex 2.50 The Real Hustle: New Recruits 3.20 Russell Howard’s Good News

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Scrapheap Orchestra 9.00 Still Ringing After All These Years: A Short History Of Bells 10.00 John Arlott In Conversation With Mike Brearley 11.00 The Killing II (x2) 1.00am Still Ringing After All These Years: A Short History Of Bells 2.00 Scrapheap Orchestra

12.30pm Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Beauty And The Geek 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 This Is Justin Bieber 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Tulisa’s Best & Worst 9.00 Peter Andre: My Life 10.00 Perez Hilton Superfan: Katy Perry 11.00 FILM: Practical Magic (1998) 1.10am Emmerdale

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 The Father Dowling Mysteries 4.05 The Lakes 4.40 On The Buses (x2) 5.15 On The Buses 5.50 Heartbeat 6.55 Pie In The Sky 8.00 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Taggart 10.30 FILM: Hands Of A Murderer (1990) 12.30am Sherlock Holmes: The Master Blackmailer

2.40pm Gilmore Girls 3.35 Desperate Housewives 4.35 Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Charlie’s Angels. See highlights. 9.00 FILM: Die Hard 4.0 (2007) 11.30 Misfits 12.35am The Big Bang Theory (x2) 1.30 Scrubs (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 9.00 Time Team 10.00 Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day 11.05 WWII: Air War 12.50am The SS 1.55 Camelot

11.00am The Black Swan (1942) 12.40pm The Householder (1963) 2.40 The Cowboys (1972) 5.10 Little Norse Prince (1968) 7.00 Eragon (2006) 9.00 Aeon Flux (2005) 10.45 Family Business (1989) 1.00am Hotel Rwanda (2004) 3.35 Close

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thursday 15 Masterchef: The Professionals BBC2, 8pm It’s the grand final of Masterchef: The Professionals and internet restaurant booking is geared up for the deluge of appointments which will be made at the winner’s establishment. Double Michelin starred Michel Roux Jr and Gregg Wallace ask the finalists to cook one last time.

Without You ITV1, 9pm Anna Friel plays Ellie, hot on the trail of the truth behind her husband’s death. Was it an accident or was there something more? Pretending to be a friend of Milena Livingstone, the woman who died with her husband, Ellie rolls up at her office and offers to help go through the late business woman’s paperwork. To ‘help out’.

FILM: The Day After Tomorrow Film4, 6.30pm Enough to give you strange dreams listening to the coastal blustery winds and thrashing waves. The apocalyptic weatheras-a-baddie flick stars Jake Gyllenhaal as an intrepid teen marooned in New York city while weather expert dad Dennis Quaid hikes to the rescue.

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Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Noise Squad 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Barney’s Latin America 3.35 Splatalot 4.00 Alesha’s Street Dance Stars 4.30 Postcode 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 7.45am Children’s television 7.45 Pet Squad 7.55 Newsround 8.00 Copycats 8.25 Iconicles 8.50 Lulu Zipadoo 9.05 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.20 Something Special 9.40 Charlie And Lola 9.55 ZingZillas 10.15 Timmy Time 10.25 Louie 10.35 Octonauts 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Coast 1.15 Trash To Cash 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Coast 6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Live daily dose of backstage gossip, with Zoe Ball.

7.00 Victorian Farm Christmas Ruth Goodman and food historian Ivan Day try their hand at making a Christmas pudding using the same methods as Bob Cratchit’s wife in A Christmas Carol.

8.00 MasterChef: The Professionals See highlights.

9.00 Rev. Sitcom about a vicar running an inner-city church.

Ambition’s in the air. Pedantic Lay Reader Nigel has always believed he’d be a far better priest than Adam and finally gets the chance to prove it – or not.

9.30 Life’s Too Short Warwick throws a party in his new apartment to show it to his ex-wife and his new date Amy. But when Cat Deeley shows up, he can’t resist being a player, and no-one is impressed.

10.00 Frank Skinner’s Opinionated Frank is joined in Glasgow by Reginald D Hunter and Sarah Millican.

10.30 Newsnight In-depth investigation and analysis of the stories behind the day’s headlines with Kirsty Wark.

11.20 Leonardo Alan Yentob tells the story of the creation of the most famous work of art in the world.

12.20am The Company 1.55 News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 May The Best House Win 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Murder, She Wrote 5.00 Best Dish: The Chefs

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Undercover Boss Australia 9.55 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas 10.55 River Cottage Christmas 12.00pm Drop Down Menu 12.55 FILM: Oliver Twist (1948) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Christmas Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00am Asian Tour Golf Show 6.30 LIVE Asian Tour Golf 10.30 Golf 1.00pm Ladies Golf 3.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 4.00 Trans World Sport 5.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 6.00 Ringside 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Barclays Premier League World 12.00am World Sailing Championships 12.30 America’s Cup Uncovered 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Barclays Premier League World 5.00 Ringside

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Charity thinks that it is time Jai was honest with her.

Debbie anxiously waits for Cain to wake up.

7.30 Counting On Christmas: Tonight Julie Etchingham reports on some of the ordinary families all over the world who have been devastated by the year’s economic turmoil. The stories include those of a bankrupt Greek family business owner who set fire to himself and middle class Americans living in tents.

8.00 Emmerdale Will Cain be able to remember who attacked him?

8.30 Coronation Street Lloyd says a sad farewell to Weatherfield. Peter battles with his conscience. Owen’s feud with David and Kylie spirals out of control.

9.00 Without You See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 Piers Morgan’s Life Stories: Peter Andre Peter Andre joins Piers for his first full-length television interview since he broke up with Katie Price in 2009. Repeat.

11.35 A Night With Will Young Kate Thornton presents a one-off special featuring one of the UK’s top pop artists, Will Young.

12.30am The Zone 2.30 Counting On Christmas: Tonight 3.00 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks George’s attempts to reunite Maddie and Callum backfire.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Kevin’s Grand Design Presenter Kevin McCloud continues the epic challenge of building his very own eco-home. Kevin wants to create a new kind of development, where neighbours share vegetable gardens and look after their own central village green, so he starts teambuilding exercises to get private and council tenants working together.

9.00 Living With The Amish The teens stay with the Burkholder family, members of a plain order called Horse and Buggy Mennonites. As the boys work on the family melon farm, Etonian George begins to question his privileged and ambitious life at home.

10.00 This Is England ‘88 Follow-up miniseries to Shane Meadows’ award-winning This Is England ‘86.

It’s Christmas Day but Shaun has messed up, and it hits him hard.

11.05 Random Acts 11.10 Black Mirror Another chnace to see the first episode.

12.10am MUSIC ON 4: Alex Zane Pops Out 12.45 MUSIC ON 4: InputOutput 1.00 FILM: Faintheart (2008) 2.30 Southland 3.15 Happy Endings 3.40 Japan Tsunami: Caught On Camera 4.55 Unreported World 5.20 Countdown

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.30 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Milkshake! Christmas Songs 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 CSI: NY 3.10 FILM: The Christmas List (1997) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Charlie’s conscience is throbbing.

6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip.

6.55 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas Classic animation.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Highland Emergency Documentary series.

8.00 Fairground Attractions Documentary series which looks behind the scenes of travelling fairs and shows. In Weston-super-Mare, Carter’s Traditional Steam Fair have discovered their business is under threat from a rebuilt Grand Pier, with all its latest hi-tech rides.

9.00 The Mentalist Crime drama series. The crime-solving team are called to investigate the death of a local decorated police officer. Lisbon has to put personal issues aside in order to crack the case.

10.00 It’s All About Amy Documentary series. A week of fun in the sun in Dubai sees Amy enjoying a speedboat ride, practising her Arabic, and putting her newly acquired horse riding skills to the test on a camel.

11.00 Police Interceptors Documentary series profiling the work of a high-speed police interception unit in Essex.

12.00am SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Wildlife SOS (x2) 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 HouseBusters (x2)

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show If it has Britain talking then it will be talked about on the One Show.

7.30 EastEnders After Phil’s latest stunt, the feud between the Mitchells and the Brannings steps up a gear.

8.00 The Manor Reborn The final part of this series presented by Penelope Keith and Paul Martin on the reinvention of Avebury Manor sees designer Russell Sage and the historical experts rush to get the house finished for opening day. The Queen Anne bed is too big for the room! Quelle catastrophe!

9.00 Crimewatch Catching the crims 10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Crimewatch Update The latest developments on the cases featured on the main Crimewatch programme.

10.45 Up In Flames: Mr Reeves And The Riots Documentary following one shop owner in the aftermath of the riots of August 2011.

11.30 This Week A political review of the week presented by Andrew Neil with Michael Portillo and guests.

12.15am Skiing Weatherview 12.20 Sign Zone: How To Survive The Meltdown – Panorama 12.50 Countryfile 1.45 Antiques Roadshow 2.45 Britain’s Hidden Heritage 3.45 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm Hyundai A League 4.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 5.00 NFL – Total Access 6.00 Sailing America’s Cup Uncovered 6.30 World Sailing Championships 7.00 Barclays Premier League World 7.30 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 Time Of Our Lives 11.00 Ringside 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 European Rugby

Sky Sports 3 6.00am UK Carp Cup 7.00 WWE Experience 8.00 History Of The World Darts Championship 9.00 UK Carp Cup 10.00 Bowls 11.00 Racing News 11.30 Aerobics Oz Style 12.00pm Fight Night 2.00 Hyundai A League 2.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial 3.00 Bowls 4.00 Watersports World 5.00 WWE Vintage Collection 6.00 WWE Special: Rey Mysterio - The Life Of A Masked Man 7.00 Asian Tour Golf 8.00 Golf 9.00 Golf Ladies European Tour 10.00 WWE Late Night Raw 1.00am WWE NXT 2.00 WWE Special: Rey Mysterio - The Life Of A Masked Man 3.00 World Sailing Championships 3.30 ATP Tour Uncovered

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12.00pm Modern Family (x2) 1.00 House (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Glee 10.00 Kylie Live In 2011 Aphrodite Les Folies 12.00am Brit Cops 1.00 Rooftop Rainforest

7.00pm Top Gear 8.00 Don’t Tell The Bride 9.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 11.00 Family Guy (x2) 11.45 American Dad! (x2) 12.30am The World’s Strictest Parents 1.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 2.00 Tourettes: I Swear I Can Sing

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Top Of The Pops: 1976 8.00 What Happened Before The Big Bang? 9.00 Jerusalem: The Making Of A Holy City 10.00 The Slap 10.55 Andy Hamilton’s Search For Satan 11.55 Top Of The Pops: 1976 12.25am Only Connect 1.25 What Happened Before The Big Bang?

12.00pm Emmerdale 12.30 Nanny 911 1.30 The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Beauty And The Geek 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x2) 6.30 All Star Family Fortunes 7.30 The Xtra Factor: Louis’ Best & Worst 8.30 The X Factor USA: Performance Show 10.00 FILM: Gremlins (1984) 12.15am Coronation Street

12.55pm Heartbeat 1.55 Pie In The Sky 3.00 The Father Dowling Mysteries 4.05 The Lakes (x2) 5.05 On The Buses 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Pie In The Sky 7.50 The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes 9.00 Wycliffe 10.00 Law & Order: UK (x2) 12.05am FILM: The Life Of David Gale (2003)

5.00pm Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 9.00 How I Met Your Mother 9.30 Happy Endings 10.00 Phoneshop 10.35 Rude Tube 11.05 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night 11.55 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.50am Scrubs (x2)

1.35pm The Good Wife 2.35 Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.50 Relocation, Relocation 6.55 Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 9.00 Southland 10.00 The Closer 11.00 The Killing 12.00am Southland 12.55 The Closer

11.00am Alexandra (2007) 12.50pm Waterloo Road (1944) 2.25 Carry On Up The Khyber (1968) 4.10 Only Yesterday (1991) 6.30 The Day After Tomorrow.

See highlights (2003) 9.00 X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) 11.05 Street Kings (2008) 1.10am La Linea (2008)

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friday 16 The Big Quiz: Coronation Street V Emmerdale ITV1, 9pm The thing about being in a soap is that you have to remember your character’s plotlines and keep an eye on what’s going on in the real world. Without getting the two confused. Stephen Mulhern hosts this quiz with questions on 2011’s fabulous soap plotlines and news coverage. Separate things.

British Comedy Awards 2011 Channel 4, 9pm Hosted, as ever, by the pal of every comic on the up Jonathan Ross, this looks back at the year and recognises the talents that have shone comedically. This being comedians, a few bumps in the proceedings and random declarations may well be par for the course. Good for recommending Crimbo box sets.

50 Years Of Bad Sex More4, 10pm Not dishing the dirt on a marriage involving separate bedrooms, but journalist Jacques Peretti casting a critical eye over TV sows, movies and pop groups that have influenced our ideas of what is ‘sexy’. Bank on Carry On clips, as well as extracts from Baywatch, Sex And The City, The X Factor and Abba. We say!

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6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Noise Squad 11.45 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.45 Doctors 2.15 Only Fools And Horses 3.05 Barney’s Latin America 3.35 Splatalot 4.00 Alesha’s Street Dance Stars 4.30 Postcode 5.00 Newsround 5.15 Pointless

6.00 – 8.00am Children’s television 8.00 Copycats 8.25 Iconicles 8.50 Lulu Zipadoo 9.05 Tinga Tinga Tales 9.20 Something Special 9.40 Charlie And Lola 9.55 ZingZillas 10.15 64 Zoo Lane 10.25 Louie 10.35 Octonauts 10.45 Waybuloo 11.05 In The Night Garden 11.35 The Pink Panther Show 12.00pm The Daily Politics 12.30 GMT With George Alagiah 1.00 Animal Park 1.30 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.15 The Weakest Link 3.00 Escape To The Country 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Coast 6.00 Strictly Come Dancing – It Takes Two Zoe Ball is live from Blackpool Tower Ballroom with a bumper final edition of It Takes Two. 7.00 The Culture Show Andrew Graham-Dixon looks back at the cultural the highlights of the year.

8.00 Mastermind Subjects: The Life & Work of George Orwell, The Life of Sir Francis Walsingham, The West Wing and The Valley of the Kings.

8.30 MasterChef: The Professionals - Michel’s Classics Double Michelin starred Michel Roux Jr gives MasterChef fans and serious cooks a culinary master class.

9.00 Stuffed: The Great British Christmas Dinner Documentary looking at the history and tradition of the British Christmas dinner and the role it still plays. With contributions from actor Simon Callow, cultural critic Jonathan Meades, food writers Paul Levy, Prue Leith and Diana Henry, and historians Kate Colquhoun and Kathryn Hughes.

10.00 QI A compilation of some of the best bits from the I Series of QI. 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 The Review Show Kirsty Wark and guests, including Paul Morley and Natalie Haynes, look back over 2011’s cultural highlights.

11.50 FILM: Where The Truth Lies (2005) Starring Kevin Bacon, Colin Firth, Alison Lohman. Thriller.

1.30am Culture Show 2.30 News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 May The Best House Win 3.00 Dickinson’s Real Deal 4.00 Murder, She Wrote 5.00 Best Dish: The Chefs

6.05am Sali Mali 6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.25 Frasier 8.55 Undercover Boss Australia 9.55 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas 10.55 Superscrimpers: A Christmas Special12.00pm Drop Down Menu 1.15 FILM: Miracle On 34th Street (1947) 3.10 Countdown 4.00 Deal Or No Deal 5.00 Christmas Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Although he is still in critical condition, Cain is able to reveal the identity of his attacker – but is he telling the truth?

7.30 Coronation Street Becky fumes as Steve gatecrashes her meeting with Danny.

8.00 Wild Britain With Ray Mears The outdoorsman presents his personal highlights from the first two series and explains why the best place in the world to view wildlife is right here at home.

8.30 Coronation Street Will Eileen consider Jason’s advice after Lesley becomes aggressive?

9.00 The Big Quiz: Coronation Street V Emmerdale See highlights.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Unforgiven (1992) Starring Clint Eastwood, Gene Hackman, Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris, Frances Fisher, Jaimz Woolvett and Saul Rubinek.

Uncompromising western. Long after he has settled into a peaceful life as a farmer with his two children, reformed gunslinger William Munny is coaxed out of retirement by a young gun who wants his help in bringing the men responsible for attacking a prostitute to justice.

1.00am The Zone 3.00 Columbo: Ashes To Ashes 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Mitzeee returns from a fraught trip with Warren, which makes her think about reconsidering Brendan’s proposal.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 Come Dine With Me Cookerybased reality series. Four amateur cooks from Herefordshire - customer service advisor Mandy, ‘professional bum’ John, actor Simon and accountant Sarah – battle it out to win one thousand pounds. Single vegetarian Mandy cooks beef for the very first time and is on the lookout for an eligible bachelor. Lawks.

9.00 British Comedy Awards 2011 See highlights.

11.10 Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night Comedy quiz with Chris Moyles, who is joined by celebrities from the UK and America for an array of challenges. The guests are John Barrowman, Jimmy Carr and Pixie Lott.

11.55 Sean Lock: Lockipedia Live Sean Lock performs at London’s Hammersmith Apollo during his sellout tour of Britain and Ireland.

1.00am MUSIC ON 4: The Crush With KFC Krushems 1.55 Random Acts 2.00 Comedy Lab: The Warm-Up Guy 2.25 My Name Is Earl (x2) 3.10 Happy Endings 3.35 St Elsewhere 4.25 Brothers And Sisters 5.10 Countdown 5.55 Sali Mali

6.00 – 7.30am Children’s television 7.30 Thomas & Friends 7.45 Noddy In Toyland 8.00 Fifi And The Flowertots 8.10 Peppa Pig 8.15 Peppa Pig 8.28 Roary The Racing Car 8.40 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 9.15 The Wright Stuff 11.10 LIVE With Gabby 12.10pm 5 News Lunchtime 12.15 Law And Order 1.15 Home And Away 1.45 Neighbours 2.15 Chinese Food In Minutes 2.25 CSI: NY 3.20 FILM: Single Santa Seeks Mrs Claus (2004) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Neighbours 6.00 Home And Away Roo is torn between Sid and Harvey, but when she finally makes up her mind her lover’s reaction is not what she expects.

6.25 OK! TV Lively mix of celebrity gossip, big name interviews and features.

6.55 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas Classic animation.

7.00 5 News At 7 7.30 Fifth Gear Motoring magazine show.

8.00 Ice Road Truckers: Deadliest Roads Documentary series. As a snowstorm threatens to put the skids under all three drivers on top of the Rohtang Pass, Rick has to face the road alone when his spotter Boyo moves on to another job.

9.00 FILM: Speed (1994) Starring Keanu Reeves, Dennis Hopper, Sandra Bullock, Joe Morton, Jeff Daniels. Fast-paced action adventure following a Los Angeles SWAT-team cop’s attempts to foil the plans of a deranged bomber.

11.25 Comedy Kings: Best Of Just For Laughs Coverage from the Just for Laughs comedy festival in Montreal.

11.50 Inside Hollywood The latest film and TV news from the USA. 12.00am SuperCasino 4.05 Motorsport Mundial 4.30 Fifth Gear 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 HouseBusters (x2)

6.00am Barclays Premier League World 6.30 LIVE Asian Tour Golf 10.30 Golf 1.00pm Ladies Golf 3.00 Barclays Premier League World 3.30 America’s Cup Uncovered 4.00 Ringside 5.00 Barclays Premier League World 5.30 Football League Weekend 6.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Super Six Final Countdown 12.00am Take It Like A Fan 12.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 1.00 Football League Weekend 2.00 European Rugby 4.30 Barclays Premier League Preview 5.00 Football League Weekend

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 8.00 EastEnders Pat takes the family for a day trip in Clacton to take their mind off their financial problems.

8.30 The Two Ronnies Sketchbook Reunited before Ronnie Barker passed away, the comedy legends returned behind their famous desk. From him and me.

9.00 Have I Got News For You Popular news quiz with team captains Paul Merton and Ian Hislop, guest host and guest panellists Nick Hewer and Jack Whitehall.

9.30 Live At The Apollo Host Sarah Millican is joined by Australian funny man Steve Hughes and the awardwinning Russell Kane.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 The Graham Norton Show Graham is joined by actor Jude Law, who discusses his role as Watson in the new movie Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, alongside Holmes himself, Robert Downey Jr. 11.20 The National Lottery Friday Night Draws 11.30 FILM: Millions (2004) Starring James Nesbitt, Daisy Donovan.

Heart-warming fantasy adventure.

1.00am Weatherview 1.05 Sign Zone: Fry’s Planet Word 2.05 MasterChef: The Professionals 3.05 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Barclays Premier League World 8.25 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm NFL – Total Access 5.00 Powerboating UIM Class 1 5.30 Super Six Final Countdown 6.00 World Sailing Championships 6.30 Tight Lines 7.30 LIVE European Rugby 10.00 Take It Like A Fan 10.30 Super Six Final Countdown 11.00 Football League Weekend 12.00am NFL – Total Access 1.00 Asian Tour Golf 2.00 Golf 3.00 Golf Ladies European Tour 4.00 Take It Like A Fan 4.30 World Sailing Championships 5.00 Elite League Ice Hockey

Sky Sports 3 6.00am WWE Raw 9.00 Ringside 10.00 World Darts Championship 2.30pm Kings Of The Snow 3.00 WWE Special Rey Mysterio – The Life Of A Masked Man 4.00 WWE Raw 7.00 Asian Tour Golf 8.00 Golf 9.00 Golf: Ladies European Tour 10.00 WWE Late Night Smackdown 12.00am WWE Late Night Bottom Line 1.00 Test Cricket 3.00 NFL – Total Access 4.00 NFL

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12.00pm Modern Family (x2) 1.00 House (x2) 3.00 Stargate SG-1 (x2) 5.00 Futurama (x2) 6.00 A League Of Their Own 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Futurama 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 An Idiot Abroad 10.00 A League Of Their Own 11.00 The Cafe 11.30 Wall Of Fame 12.00am Cop Squad

7.00pm Top Gear USA 7.45 Merlin 8.30 World’s Craziest Fools 9.00 Him & Her 9.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Family Guy (x2) 11.15 American Dad! (x2) 12.00am Mongrels 12.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 1.00 Him & Her 1.30 World’s Craziest Fools

7.00pm World News Today 7.30 Transatlantic Sessions 8.00 Still Ringing After All These Years: A Short History Of Bells 9.00 Tony Bennett’s 85th Birthday Concert 10.00 Tony Bennett: An American Classic 10.45 The Swing Thing 12.15am Tony Bennett’s 85th Birthday Concert

1.30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show (x2) 3.40 Beauty And The Geek 4.40 Loose Women 5.40 Judge Judy (x3) 7.00 The Cube 8.00 The Xtra Factor: Caroline & Olly’s Best & Worst 9.00 The X Factor USA: Results 10.00 The Amy Winehouse Story 11.00 Perez Hilton Superfan: Katy Perry 12.00am Coronation Street

1.00pm Heartbeat 2.00 Pie In The Sky 3.05 The Father Dowling Mysteries 4.05 The Lakes (x2) 5.10 On The Buses 5.40 Heartbeat 6.45 Pie In The Sky 7.55 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 DCI Banks: Aftermath (x2) 11.05 Murder In Suburbia 12.05am Agatha Christie’s Poirot

4.35pm Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.30 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 Desperate Scousewives 9.00 World’s Greatest Body Shockers 11.05 British Comedy Awards: Live Lock-In 12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2) 1.05 Scrubs (x2)

2.35pm Come Dine With Me 3.05 Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.50 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Grand Designs (x2) 10.00 50 Years Of Bad Sex. See highlights.

11.40 FILM: No Country For Old Men (2007) 2.00am Heroes Of Comedy

11.00am Cheaper By The Dozen (1950) 12.40pm Shane (1953) 3.00 Singin’ In The Rain (1952) 5.05 Whisper Of The Heart (1995) 7.20 Zoolander (2001) 9.00 Knowing (2009) 11.20 Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) 1.05am Carrie (1976)

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027_LS556_TV_sat_L7wed14apr.qxd 07/12/2011 16:04 Page 1

saturday 17 Strictly Come Dancing BBC1, 7pm It’s the final! We know! Another one! Last week was The X Factor, the week before was I’m A Celebrity... – it’s exhausting!

With Sir Bruce, Tess and the finalists taking up residency in the famous Tower Ballroom in Blackpool, this is going to be some darn fine dancing, and voting entirely from the public.

Westlife: For The Last Time ITV1, 9.05pm Grab a hankie to dab at that tear as after 13 years together Westlife appear for their last ever TV special before going their separate ways. Who will go solo and who will try for a career in a soap opera? Just saying, Boyzone. Christine Bleakley presents proceedings including live performances and stores.

The Killing II BBC4, 9pm & 10pm This fast-paced import really is one of the best thrillers on TV. Lund and Strange are now in Afghanistan on a mission to track down the killer. Brix decides to search the army barracks; Buch is shaking things up in the cabinet to find out what falls out; and Raben refuses to retract his statement. Phew!

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ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live 11.30 Home Cooking Made Easy 12.00pm BBC News 12.10 South East Today 12.15 Football Focus 1.00 British Olympic Dreams 1.30 Equestrian: Olympia - Puissance 2.25 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 2.55 FILM: Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) 4.30 Final Score 5.10 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 A Question Of Sport

6.00am Little Charley Bear 6.05 The Adventures Of Abney And Teal 6.20 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 6.30 Octonauts 6.45 Mike The Knight 7.00 Roar 7.25 Arthur 7.50 Dennis & Gnasher 8.05 Pixelface 8.35 Splatalot 9.00 Deadly 60 9.30 Dick & Dom Go Wild 10.00 Who Let The Dogs Out? 10.30 I Want My Own Room 11.00 Deadly Art 11.15 Dennis & Gnasher 11.25 MOTD Kickabout 11.45 FILM: The Preacher’s Wife (1996) 1.40pm FILM: Splash (1984) 3.25 Flog It! 4.25 One Man And His Dog 5.05 FILM: The Triple Cross (1967) 7.05 Top Gear Vietnam Special Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May visit Vietnam and are told to travel the entire length of the country in just eight days, thereby achieving what the American military failed to do in ten years. First they must each buy suitable transport for the trip. ‘Suitable’ and ‘Top Gear’?

Hmm. Not the most obvious match.

8.20 Dad’s Army Classic comedy about the Home Guard unit of Walmington-on-Sea. Captain Mainwaring has an unexpected and most unwelcome guest, much to Frazer’s delight.

9.00 FILM: Defiance (2008) Starring Daniel Craig, Liev Schreiber, Jamie Bell, Alexa Davalos, Allan Corduner and Mark Feuerstein. Thriller based on a true story. In 1940s Eastern Europe, four Jewish brothers flee to the forest to escape persecution and death at the hands of Nazi forces after their parents are murdered.

Once there, they find more refugees are using the forest as a hideout, so they band together to share resources and attempt to outwit the German forces, who are always on their tail.

11.05 TOTP2 Christmas Mark Radcliffe digs deep into the Top Of The Pops archives to bring some festive performances from the likes of Slade, The Pogues and Abba.

12.35am FILM: The Gorgon (1964) 1.55 BBC News

6.00 – 7.15am Children’s television 7.15 Tati’s Hotel 7.25 Monk 7.30 Super Hero Squad Show 7.50 Horrid Henry 8.00 The Cool Stuff Collective 8.30 Phineas And Ferb 8.40 Phineas And Ferb 9.00 Hannah Montana 9.25 Coronation Street Omnibus 11.45 This Morning: Saturday 12.40pm ITV News & Weather 12.45 Countrywise Kitchen 1.15 FILM: About A Boy (2002) 3.10 FILM: Death Becomes Her (1992) 5.00 Meridian News And Weather 5.15 ITV News & Weather 5.35 New You’ve Been Framed! The Next Generation 6.35 FILM: Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix (2007) Starring Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Ralph Fiennes, Richard Griffiths, Gary Oldman, Julie Walters, Maggie Smith, Jason Isaacs, Michael Gambon, Alan Rickman.

Fantasy sequel. Harry is dismayed when the Ministry of Magic denies Voldemort’s return and appoints a nasty new teacher at Hogwarts to keep an eye on Dumbledore. The new teacher’s constant meddling with the curriculum convinces the students that school cannot prepare them for the battle ahead, so they form a secret duelling club with Harry as their tutor.

9.05 Westlife: For The Last Time See highlights.

10.05 FILM: The Boat That Rocked (2009) Starring Philip Seymour Hoffman, Bill Nighy, Nick Frost, Rhys Ifans, Kenneth Branagh, January Jones. Comedy set in the 1960s.

Finding a distinct lack of rock ‘n’ roll on the airwaves, a group of eccentric DJs start running a pirate radio station from a boat on the North Sea – but they soon find themselves targeted by government ministers.

11.10 ITV News & Weather 11.25 FILM: The Boat That Rocked Still rockin’! Best make sure that darn boat don’t capsize!

12.50am The Zone 3.00 Kojak 3.55 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News

6.00am Sali Mali 6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 BT And Channel 4 Present... 7.00 Sailing: America’s Cup Uncovered 7.25 The Med Cup 2011 7.55 The Morning Line 8.55 The Hollyoaks Music Show: Christmas Special 9.55 T4 Stars Of 2011: The Unseen Bits 10.45 Sunday Brunch: Saturday Starter 11.05 Real Stories: Jennifer Lopez 12.10pm The Big Bang Theory 12.45 The Big Bang Theory 1.15 The Simpsons 1.50 Channel 4 Racing 3.50 Come Dine With Me (x5)

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Angelina Ballerina 8.50 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 10.05 Animal Rescue Squad 10.25 Justin Bieber: The Making Of Under The Mistletoe 10.45 The Gadget Show 11.45 FILM: Eloise At The Plaza (2003) 1.30pm Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 1.35 FILM: Snow (2004) 3.25 FILM: Mrs Miracle (2009) 5.15 FILM: A Christmas Carol (1999) 7.15 5 News Weekend 7.20 NCIS Drama with the Naval Crime Investigation Service. Just two days before Christmas, a home invasion robbery is linked to an old murder case. The suspect was identified as a dead petty officer, and NCIS tries to find out what happened in time for the holidays.

8.10 NCIS US drama. The team investigates the cold-blooded murder of a devoutly religious marine in what appears to be a hate crime.

9.10 The Mentalist US drama series following the work of CBI consultant Patrick Jane. The CBI team launches an investigation into the National Society of Authentic Santas when one of its members is found murdered.

10.00 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

When Mac and Stella investigate the shooting of a deaf woman, the truth about Lindsay’s traumatic past comes to light.

10.55 CSI: NY Crime drama series.

The murder of a former drug addict uncovers a sinister insurance scam worth millions of dollars.

11.50 Inside Hollywood The latest film and TV news from the USA. 12.00am SuperCasino 3.55 The Great Artists 4.20 Divine Designs 4.50 County Secrets 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

6.00am Barclays Premier League Preview 6.30 LIVE Asian Tour Golf 10.30 Golf 1.00pm LIVE European Rugby 3.30 LIVE European Rugby 5.45 LIVE European Rugby 8.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Road To London 12.00am LIVE Fight Night International 4.00 Road To London 4.30 Wild Spirits 5.00 World Sailing Championships 5.30 Take It Like A Fan

6.00 Winter Wipeout Richard Hammond and Amanda Byram present as 20 brave and chilly Brits face a new obstacle course in a snowy, winter wonderland setting.

7.00 Strictly Come Dancing See highlights.

8.10 Merlin Fantasy drama series.

With Morgana at the helm of a vast Southron army, a deadly net is closing in around Camelot. When the sorceress strikes, the ferocity of her attack forces everyone to run for their lives – even Arthur. But Morgana won’t let him escape that easily.

8.55 The National Lottery Saturday Night Draws 9.05 Strictly Come Dancing Results Sir Bruce Forsyth and Tess Daly present the exciting live final from Blackpool’s Tower Ballroom.

This is the last chance for the couples to impress, as the viewer votes decide who is crowned the Strictly Come Dancing champion 2011, with the glitterball trophy up for grabs. All the couples from the cast take part in a very special group number.

10.15 BBC News 10.30 Match Of The Day Gary Lineker introduces highlights of the day’s six Premier League games.

11.55 The Football League Show Manish Bhasin presents highlights from the Football League.

1.10am FILM: Bat 21 (1988) 2.50 Weatherview 2.55 BBC News

6.25 Channel 4 News 6.55 4thought.tv 7.00 100 Greatest Toys With Jonathan Ross Jonathan Ross presents a countdown of the nation’s favourite toys and games, from Action Man to Trivial Pursuit, as chosen by Channel 4 viewers. Inventors and toymakers tell the inside stories of their creations and success, while today’s celebrities, authors, actors and journalists reveal what it was that made them love a particular toy or game. Last minute Christmas present ideas aplenty, whether for nostaglic grown-ups or joyful kiddies.

10.00 Catherine Tate: Laughing At The Noughties Comedienne Catherine Tate celebrates the best in comedy from the last decade, with insight, revelations and anecdotes from prominent figures in entertainment. Featuring newsreel and pop culture archive, with contributions from Alan Carr, David Walliams, Noel Fielding, Rob Brydon, David Tennant, Leigh Francis, Dom Joly, Miranda Hart, Lee Mack, Mathew Horne, Rebecca Front, Al Murray, Chris Addison and Ross Noble. Lots!

12.05am FILM: The Omen (1976) 2.10 FILM: The Rocker (2008) 3.50 St Elsewhere 4.40 Brothers And Sisters 5.25 Countdown

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Ringside 7.30 Super Six Final Countdown 8.00 Football League Weekend 9.00 Barclays Premier League Preview 9.30 Take It Like A Fan 10.00 Soccer AM 12.00pm LIVE World Darts Championship 5.00 LIVE Football League 7.30 You’re On Sky Sports 8.25 Football First: Game Of The Day 10.15 Football First: Match Choice 11.45 Football First: Match Choice 1.15am Football First: Match Choice 2.45 Football First: Match Choice 4.15 Spanish Football 5.45 Sky Sports Classics

Sky Sports 3 6.00am Trans World Sport 7.00 Tight Lines 8.00 To Be Announced 9.00 WWE: Smackdown 11.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 12.00pm Take It Like A Fan 12.30 Super Six Final Countdown: Weigh-In 1.00 LIVE Golf: Ladies European Tour 3.00 WWE Special: Rey Mysterio - The Life Of A Masked Man 4.00 WWE: Smackdown 6.00 WWE TLC Preview 6.30 World Sailing Championships 6.55 LIVE Spanish Football 9.00 LIVE Spanish Football 11.00 WWE: Late Night Superstars 12.00am WWE NXT 1.00 LIVE NFL 4.30 Take It Like A Fan 5.00 Max Power

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

12.30pm Glenn Martin, DDS (x2) 1.30 Oops TV 2.00 Futurama 3.50 Modern Family: Sophia Vergara 4.00 Emergency With Angela Griffin 5.00 Noel’s Christmas Presents ReOpened 6.00 The Simpsons (x2) 7.00 Futurama (x4) 9.00 FILM: The Devil’s Own (1997) 11.10 Inside Gatwick 12.10am Night Cops

7.00pm Doctor Who Christmas Special 8.20 Wallace And Gromit: The Wrong Trousers 8.55 FILM: The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) 10.05 Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 10.50 Family Guy (x2) 11.35 American Dad! (x4) 1.05am Russell Howard’s Good News Extra 1.50 Lee Nelson (x6)

7.00pm Sacred Music At Christmas 8.00 Antarctica: Of Ice And Men - Time Shift 9.00 The Killing II. See highlights. 10.00 The Killing II 11.00 American: The Bill Hicks Story 12.45am The Slap 1.40 Top Of The Pops: 1976 2.10 Tony Bennett’s 85th Birthday Concert

12.00pm The X Factor USA: Results 1.00 The Cube 2.00 All Star Family Fortunes 3.00 The Xtra Factor: Best & Worst (x5) 9.00 FILM: Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) 11.15 Amy Winehouse: Her Life And Legacy 12.15am Peter Andre: My Life 1.15 Life’s Funniest Moments 1.40 Planet’s Funniest Animals

9.20am Agatha Christie’s Poirot 10.35 FILM: The Towering Inferno (1974) 1.45pm Agatha Christie’s Poirot 4.05 FILM: Agatha Christie’s Thirteen At Dinner (1985) 5.55 Lewis 8.00 Doc Martin 9.00 Foyle’s War 11.00 Murder In Suburbia 12.10am FILM: Hands Of A Murderer (1990) 1.50 On The Buses

12.55pm Hollyoaks Omnibus 3.25 Desperate Scousewives 4.30 FILM: Scrooged (1988) 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.30 Happy Endings 8.00 How I Met Your Mother 8.30 The Big Bang Theory 9.00 FILM: Die Hard 4.0 (2007) 11.30 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 12.30am FILM: Hostage (2005) 2.25 My Name Is Earl

9.00am A Place In The Sun 9.40 Time Team 10.40 Kirstie And Phil’s Perfect Christmas (x2) 12.50pm The 100 Greatest Musicals 3.30 Grand Designs (x3) 6.50 Grand Designs Revisited (x2) 9.00 The Arbor 10.50 FILM: Rita, Sue And Bob Too (1987) 12.40am The Arbor 2.30 FILM: Rita, Sue And Bob Too (1987)

11.00am The History Of Mr Polly (1949) 1.00pm Bride Wars (2009) 2.40 Saboteur (1942) 4.50 The Cat Returns (2002) 6.25 Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) 9.00 Star Trek II: The Wrath Of Khan (1982) 11.10 Star Trek III: The Search For Spock (1984) 1.10am The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) 3.20 Close

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sunday 18 Just Henry ITV1, 7pm Based on the award-winning novel by Michelle Magorian, this drama set in post WWII Britain focuses on troubled 15-year-old Henry. Living in a tense household consisting of his mum, step-dad and grandma, he has always believed his idolised dad died in the war. Then he turns up very alive. Whoa, life shake!

Black Mirror Channel 4, 9pm Ever bumped into someone at a party and drawn a blank as to who they are? In the near future everyone has access to memory implants that records everything they do, see and hear, meaning you’ll never have to reach to place a face again. But is that altogether a good thing? The unnerving drama unfolds.

Misfits E4, 10pm Has anybody actually kept count of how many probation officers these well meaning super kids have actually killed? Seems like somebody has when a fake medium with superpowers brings familiar faces from their past back to life. Maybe it’s time for Simon’s Superhoodie to step up?

Season crescendo anyone?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

6.00am Breakfast 7.35 Match Of The Day 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show 10.00 Fern Britton Meets... 11.00 Country Tracks 12.00pm Escape To The Country 12.45 MOTD Live: Portsmouth V Southampton 3.05 Bargain Hunt Famous Finds 3.35 Cash In The Celebrity Attic 4.20 Lifeline 4.30 Songs Of Praise 5.05 BBC News 5.20 South East Today 5.30 Lost Christmas

7.00 Countryfile The team re-create a traditional country village Christmas.

8.00 Antiques Roadshow Fiona Bruce is in a festive mood as she opens this seasonal selection box from the Roadshow team. The most talkedabout finds of the year are updated as Fiona reveals what happened after the cameras stopped rolling.

9.00 Young James Herriot The drama telling the story of James Herriot’s early years begins, as he starts his first term at Glasgow Veterinary College. After blundering his way into the case of a suffering dray horse, he learns his first lesson in veterinary medicine: you treat the owner, not the animal.

10.00 BBC News 10.15 South East Today 10.25 Take That: Progress Live Recorded coverage of Take That’s Progress Live 2011 UK Tour, in which the band reunited on stage with Robbie Williams at the City of Manchester Stadium.

11.45 Have I Got A Bit More News For You Extended version of the popular news quiz.

12.25am Weatherview 12.30 Sign Zone: Film 2011 With Claudia Winkleman 1.10 Holby City 2.10 Bible’s Buried Secrets 3.10 MasterChef: The Professionals 3.40 BBC News

BBC2

6.00am Little Charley Bear 6.05 The Adventures Of Abney And Teal 6.20 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 6.30 Octonauts 6.45 Mike The Knight 7.00 Roar 7.25 Arthur 7.50 Dennis & Gnasher 8.05 I Want My Own Room 8.35 Wingin’ It 9.00 Christmas Download 10.00 Something For The Weekend 11.30 The Hairy Bikers’ Twelve Days Of Christmas 12.30pm Flog It! 1.00 EastEnders 3.00 Equestrian: Olympia – World Cup 5.05 Antiques Road Trip 5.50 Great British Railway Journeys 6.20 Celebrity Eggheads A celebrity special of the quiz show.

6.50 Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May compare the Mercedes SLS, the Porsche 911 GT3 RS and the Ferrari 458 Italia in an epic road trip up America’s East Coast.

8.00 James May’s Man Lab Christmas Special In this Christmas special James and the team try to create their own Christmas miracle, by making it snow.

9.00 A Night With The Stars Professor Brian Cox presents a specially recorded programme from the lecture theatre of the Royal Institution of Great Britain. In his own inimitable style, Brian takes an audience of famous faces, scientists and members of the public on a journey through some of the most challenging concepts in physics. With the help of Jonathan Ross, Simon Pegg, Sarah Millican and James May. 10.00 Match Of The Day 2 Colin Murray presents highlights of the day’s busy four match Premier League schedule.

11.30 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Rhod Gilbert hosts with team captains Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding, and guests Jimmy Osmond, Tom Parker from The Wanted, Caroline Flack and Charlie Baker.

12.00am Life’s Too Short 12.30 FILM: Secret Santa (2003) 1.55 News

ITV1

6.00 – 7.00am Children’s television 7.00 Sooty 7.15 Annabel’s Kitchen 7.25 The Cool Stuff Collective 7.50 Horrid Henry 8.05 Generator Rex 8.30 Victorious 9.00 Wizards Of Waverly Place 9.25 Monk 9.30 Horrid Henry 9.45 Planet Sketch 9.50 FILM: The Neverending Story (1984) 11.30 FILM: A Cinderella Story (2004) 1.10pm ITV News & Weather 1.15 FILM: Jack Frost (1998) 3.05 FILM: Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971) 5.00 All Star Family Fortunes Christmas Special 5.45 Meridian News And Weather 6.00 ITV News; Weather 6.15 Odd One In Bradley Walsh presents a special Christmas edition of the hilarious celebrity game show.

7.00 Just Henry See highlights.

9.00 Michael Buble: Home For Christmas In this festive special, singing superstar Michael Buble performs a selection of classic seasonal hits and other favourites from his luxurious Canadian mountain chalet. Michael also welcomes a host of celebrity guests including Dawn French, Gary Barlow and Kelly Rowland and invites them to join in the festivities. Some extraordinary duets have been promised. Coo. 10.30 ITV News; Weather 10.45 FILM: Ocean’s Twelve (2004) Starring George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Andy Garcia, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Matt Damon, Bernie Mac, Don Cheadle, Vincent Cassel, Elliott Gould, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Shaobo Qin, Carl Reiner, Robbie Coltrane, Eddie Izzard and Eddie Jemison. Slick crime caper sequel. Casino boss Terry Benedict knows Danny Ocean stole 190 million dollars from him, and he wants it back. Ocean and his team of thieves have just two weeks to raise the cash, but there is a mystery thief competing for the loot.

1.00am The Zone 2.05 Motorsport UK 3.05 Kojak 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Morning News

Channel 4

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Men’s Health Survival Of The Fittest 8.00 One Tree Hill 8.45 Hollyoaks Omnibus 11.15 Sunday Brunch 12.05pm Cee Lo Takes The UK: Christmas With All The Goodies 12.20 Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows: T4 Movie Special 12.40 The Simpsons 1.10 Shipwrecked: The Island 2.10 The Simpsons 2.45 FILM: A Christmas Carol (2004) 4.30 Deal Or No Deal 5.30 Channel 4 News 5.40 4thought.tv 5.45 The Political Slot 5.50 FILM: Fred Claus (2007) 8.00 Home For The Holidays Entertainment series in which a soonto-be-married couple bring their extended families together for Christmas in a manor house where all it not as it seems. If they can survive the company of their own relatives, 24 hours a day for a week, they could win up to half a million pounds.

Hosted live by Vernon Kay. 9.00 Black Mirror See highlights.

10.00 FILM: Bruno (2009) Starring Sacha Baron Cohen, Gustaf Hammarsten, Clifford Banagale and Josh Meyers. Comedy about the outrageous exploits of Bruno, a fictional gay Austrian fashion reporter, as he pursues fame in LA. After disgracing himself in front of his native fanbase, Bruno heads to the US to reinvent himself, accompanied by his assistant Lutz, the only person left who still believes in Bruno’s greatness. In his quest for worldwide fame, Bruno takes the most ridiculous means, including adopting a black African baby and provoking a near-riot at a caged boxing bout in Texas.

11.35 FILM: Carrie (1976) Starring Sissy Spacek, Piper Laurie, William Katt, John Travolta, and Amy Irving.

Classic horror about a lonely highschool teenager.

1.25am American Football Live 5.00 Freesports On 4 5.25 Countdown

Channel Five

6.00 – 8.30am Children’s television 8.30 Angelina Ballerina 8.45 Rupert Bear 9.00 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Funky Valley 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.30 Roary The Racing Car 9.40 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 10.00 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 10.05 Thundercats 11.05 Andre Rieu: Live In Concert 11.50 Ice Road Truckers: Deadliest Roads 12.50pm FILM: Winter Storage (1949) 1.00 FILM: Scrooge - A Christmas Carol (1951) 2.45 FILM: A Grandpa For Christmas (2007) 4.25 FILM: Mrs Miracle 2: Miracle In Manhattan () 6.10 FILM: Our First Christmas (2008) Starring Katerina Graham, Dixie Carter, Steven Eckholdt. A newlywed couple with children from previous marriages attempt to bring their families together at Christmas, but the kids are somewhat reluctant to embrace their new siblings.

7.55 5 News 8.00 FILM: Hancock (2008) Starring Will Smith, Jason Bateman, Charlize Theron, Jae Head, Eddie Marsan.

Action comedy about a disillusioned superhero. Cynical vigilante Hancock’s superhuman powers help him fight crime and save lives, regularly causing chaos and costing millions of dollars in property damage in the process. After saving the life of a public relations expert, he accepts the man’s offer to help improve his image.

10.00 FILM: Renegade Justice (2007) Starring Steven Seagal, Eddie Griffin, Carmen Serano. Action thriller. A man with a violent past seeks revenge for the murder of his son, a police officer who was gunned down in a drive-by shooting.

11.45 Indiana Jones: The True Story Documentary about intrepid academic Roy Chapman Andrews.

12.55am SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Europa League Football 5.00 Hana’s Helpline 5.10 The Milkshake! Show 5.35 Thomas & Friends 5.45 Roary The Racing Car

Sky Sports 1 6.00am Football First: Match Choice 7.30 Football First: Match Choice 9.00 Sunday Supplement 10.00 Goals On Sunday 11.30 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 2.00pm LIVE Ford Super Sunday 4.00 LIVE Ford Super Sunday 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Test Cricket 12.30am IJF World Circuit Judo 1.00 Spanish Football 2.30 Ford Football Special 4.30 Spanish Football

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Road To London 6.30 Spanish Football 8.00 Fight Night International 9.30 NFL 11.00 Fight Night International 12.30pm LIVE European Rugby 2.45 LIVE European Rugby 5.30 LIVE European Rugby 8.00 LIVE Spanish Football 10.30 Ford Football Special 12.30am Asian Tour Golf 1.30 Golf 3.00 Close

Sky Sports 3 6.00am World Sailing Championships 6.30 Live Asian Tour Golf 10.30 Golf 1.00pm WWE TLC Preview 1.30 World Darts Championship 4.30 WWE: Experience 5.30 Live NFL 9.30 LIVE NFL 1.00am European Rugby Special 2.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm The Simpsons (x2) 3.00 Futurama (x2) 4.00 Glee 5.00 The Simpsons (x3) 6.30 Noel’s Christmas Presents 2011 8.00 Got To Dance – The Warm Up 8.30 The Simpsons 9.00 Little Cracker (x2) 9.30 A Very Gaga Holiday 11.00 A League Of Their Own 12.00am Ross Kemp Back On The Frontline 1.00 UK Border Force

7.00pm FILM: Cars (2006) 8.50 Great TV Mistakes 9.00 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 10.00 American Dad! (x2) 10.45 Family Guy (x2) 11.30 Him & Her 12.00am Mongrels 12.30 Russell Howard’s Good News 1.00 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 2.00 How Not To Live Your Life (x2) 3.00 White Van Man (x2) 4.00 Mongrels (x2)

7.00pm Churches: How To Read Them 7.30 The Secret Life Of Bob Monkhouse 9.00 The Roasts Of Christmas Past 10.00 The Space Shuttle: A Horizon Guide 11.00 Imagine: Alan Ayckbourn – Greetings From Scarborough 12.05am The Secret Life Of Bob Monkhouse 1.35 The Roasts Of Christmas Past

2.30pm Peter Andre: My Life 3.30 Planet’s Funniest Animals 4.00 The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 2011 5.00 FILM: Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium (2007) 7.00 Super Tiny Animals 8.00 FILM: Gremlins (1984) 10.15 FILM: Deep Blue Sea (1999) 12.25am Perez Hilton Superfan: Katy Perry 1.25 FILM: Wedding Daze (2007)

8.25am Heartbeat (x2) 10.25 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 12.35pm Agatha Christie’s Marple 2.40 Agatha Christie’s Marple 4.40 Foyle’s War 6.45 FILM: City Of Angels (1998) 9.00 Lewis 11.00 FILM: Mystic River (2003) 1.35am Agatha Christie’s Pale Horse 3.20 Nightscreen 3.40 Emmerdale Omnibus

11.10am How To Look Good Naked 12.15pm Supernanny US (x2) 2.00 Make It Or Break It (x3) 5.00 Sorority Girls 6.05 Scrubs (x2) 7.00 FILM: The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 Misfits. See highlights. 11.05 Tool Academy 12.10am Chris Moyles’ Quiz Night

4.00pm Come Dine With Me Extra Portions (x4) 6.15 Christmas At River Cottage 6.45 A River Cottage Christmas Feast 7.50 Christmas At River Cottage 8.55 River Cottage Christmas Fayre 10.00 Christmas With Gordon 11.05 Father Ted (x2) 12.10am Spaced 12.45 The IT Crowd 1.15 Black Books

11.00am The 39 Steps (1959) 1.00pm Carpool (1996) 2.45 Carry On Teacher (1962) 4.25 Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) 6.35 Stardust (2007) 9.00 Star Trek (2009) 11.20 The Hills Have Eyes (2006) 1.25am Reno 911! Miami (2007) 3.15 Close

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029_LS556_TV_mon_L7wed14apr.qxd 07/12/2011 16:07 Page 1

monday 19 The Bleak Old Shop Of Stuff BBC2, 8.30pm This is what Crimbo telly is all about – taking a vaguely familiar premise and turning it on its head in a comedic manner packed with cheeky stars and naughty turns.

Starring Robert Webb, Johnny Vegas, Katherine Parkinson, Pauline McLynn, Stephen Fry and more, Dickensian secrets and the poor house beckon.

Imagine: The Art Of Stand-Up BBC1, 10.35pm Alan Yentob presents the first of a two-part series on the art of stand-up. Much debated these days as to whether it can be taught, how much it’s used on TV and how much of an art form it is, he discusses it with various comics including Billy Connolly, Eddie Izzard and Omid Djalili.

Sorority Girls E4, 11.05pm Bit of a turnaround – a format that allows Americans to laugh and mock at how uncouth us Brits can be. You knew our girls wouldn’t disappoint! Anyway, the remaining UK pledges get to run their own Sorority rush day to show their American sisters the kind of girls they would recruit.

Burping the national anthem?

sport

¸ terrestrial BBC1

BBC2

ITV1

Channel 4

Channel Five

Sky Sports 1

6.00am Breakfast 9.15 Rip Off Britain 10.00 Homes Under The Hammer 11.00 Real Rescues 11.30 Cash In The Attic 12.15pm Bargain Hunt 1.00 BBC News At One 1.30 South East Today 1.40 Only Fools And Horses 2.30 Helicopter Heroes 3.15 Escape To The Country 3.45 Hairy Bikers’ Best Of British 4.30 Flog It! 5.15 Pointless

6.00am Little Charley Bear 6.05 The Adventures Of Abney And Teal 6.20 Raa Raa The Noisy Lion 6.30 Octonauts 6.45 Mike The Knight 7.00 Who Let The Dogs Out? 7.30 Sam & Mark’s Big Wind Up 8.00 Junior Bake Off 8.30 Deadly 60 8.55 What’s New Scooby-Doo? 9.20 FILM: Space Camp (1986) 11.00 The Hairy Bikers: Mums Know Best At Christmas 12.00pm Restoration Home 1.00 The Weakest Link 1.45 To Buy Or Not To Buy 2.30 FILM: Merrill’s Marauders (1962) 4.05 Coast 5.05 Watching The Wild: Otters 5.15 Antiques Road Trip 6.00 Celebrity Eggheads Quiz show.

6.30 Great British Railway Journeys Michael Portillo takes to the tracks.

7.00 Nigella’s Christmas Kitchen Nigella reveals how to enjoy the run up to Christmas.

7.30 Christmas University Challenge Christmas University Challenge is a series of matches featuring teams of distinguished graduates from ten universities.

8.00 University Challenge In the first of the quarter-final matches the University of Manchester plays University College London.

8.30 The Bleak Old Shop Of Stuff See highlights.

9.30 The Rob Brydon Show Christmas Special On this Christmas extravaganza, Rob Brydon is joined by an eclectic mix of guests.

Comedian Noel Fielding, Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, Kiwi comedian and star of Flight Of The Conchords, Rhys Darby, and Shooting Stars’ very own Angelos Epithemiou join him.

10.00 Never Mind The Buzzcocks Anarchic, award-winning pop quiz.

10.30 The Funny Side Of Christmas Clive Anderson presents the best and the worst that TV has served up to us at Christmas.

11.30 QI Mind-expanding quiz.

12.00am Rev. 12.30 The Grumpy Guide To Driving 1.00 FILM: The Big Heat (1953) 2.30 BBC News

6.00am Daybreak 8.30 Lorraine 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show: 5 Days Of Christmas 10.30 This Morning 11.25 ITV News 11.30 This Morning 12.30pm Loose Women 1.30 ITV News & Weather 2.00 May The Best House Win 3.00 Midsomer Murders 5.00 Best Dish: The Chefs

6.10am The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Freshly Squeezed 7.30 Perfect Couples 7.55 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.20 Everybody Loves Raymond 8.50 Frasier 9.25 Frasier 9.55 The Big Bang Theory 10.25 The Big Bang Theory 10.55 The Simpsons 11.20 The Simpsons 11.55 FILM: The Muppets Take Manhattan (1984) 1.40pm FILM: Toys (1992) 4.00 Deal Or No Deal: Deal Panto 5.00 Christmas Coach Trip 5.30 Come Dine With Me

6.00 Meridian Tonight 6.30 ITV News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Amy starts to consider keeping her baby.

7.30 Coronation Street A grieving Tracy takes desperate measures to keep Steve.

8.00 Countrywise Kitchen At Christmas Paul Heiney and Mike Robinson look for the very best ingredients to make the most important meal of the year. Mike meets a lord famed for his turkeys and chickens and finds out the secret to their special flavour.

8.30 Live Celebrity Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Christmas Special Chris Tarrant presents a special festive episode of the game show. Some of the UK’s best-known celebrities pair up and play live in an attempt to bag that magical million.

10.00 ITV News At Ten; Weather 10.35 FILM: Dave (1993) Starring Kevin Kline, Sigourney Weaver, Frank Langella, Kevin Dunn. Warmhearted comedy about a regular guy who, being a dead ringer for the American president, is employed as a stand-in when the leader is taken ill. But then the president has a stroke, and Dave’s temporary assignment is extended indefinitely.

12.35am The Zone 2.35 The Jeremy Kyle Show 3.35 ITV Nightscreen 4.35 Jeremy Kyle’s Christmas Wishes 5.30 ITV Morning News

6.00 The Simpsons 6.30 Hollyoaks Brendan and Mitzeee plot against Warren.

7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 4thought.tv 8.00 The Year The Earth Went Wild Documentary. With a recordbreaking cold winter, the tsunami in Japan, the extraordinary killer American tornado season, the floods in Australia and a hurricane in New York, 2011 has seen an onslaught of epic-scale climate and geological events across the world.

9.00 King Of Christmas Lights Cutting Edge shines a light on the world of extreme Christmas decorating, looking at the Brits who live to adorn their houses in festive regalia each year.

10.00 Home For The Holidays Entertainment series in which a soonto-be-married couple bring their extended families together for Christmas in a manor house where all is not as it seems.

11.05 Random Acts 11.10 Syria’s Torture Machine Documentary investigating the detention and torture of Syrian civilians since the uprising against President al-Assad began this year.

12.05am FILM: Rosemary’s Baby (1968) 2.30 FILM: The Conformist (1970) 4.25 Drifting 4.35 World War II: The Last Heroes 5.30 Brothers And Sisters

6.00 – 8.25am Children’s television 8.25 Peppa Pig 8.35 Roary The Racing Car 8.45 Bananas In Pyjamas 8.55 Ben And Holly’s Little Kingdom 9.10 Bert And Ernie’s Great Adventures 9.15 The Mr. Men Show 9.25 Hana’s Helpline 9.35 Mist: Sheepdog Tales 9.50 Disney’s 12 Days Of Christmas 10.00 Thundercats 10.35 Meerkat Manor 11.05 Ice Road Truckers 12.05pm The Mentalist 1.00 5 News Lunchtime 1.05 FILM: Eloise At Christmastime (2003) 2.50 FILM: This Christmas (2007) 5.00 5 News At 5 5.30 Top 20 Soap Moments 6.00 Eddie Stobart: Trucks And Trailers Documentary series lifting the lid on the fascinating world of the legendary Eddie Stobart haulage company. Keep on truckin’!

6.55 How To Play Baseball Animated fun. Everything you have always wanted to know about baseball, with Disney’s Goofy.

7.00 The Gadget Show Consumer technology show. A winter special sees Jon and Polly hitting the slopes, Suzi snuggling up indoors and Jason splurging on a bit of Christmas shopping.

8.00 Charley Boorman’s Extreme Frontiers Travel show.

The concluding chapter of Charley’s Canadian campaign sees him head for the Pacific coast.

9.00 FILM: Step Brothers (2008) Starring Will Ferrell, John C Reilly, Mary Steenburgen. Comedy. Two spoilt middle-aged men who still live at home become stepbrothers when their parents marry.

11.00 FILM: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007) Starring John C Reilly, Conner Rayburn.

Spoof biopic about a musician from the Deep South who is determined to succeed in order to make his povertystricken parents proud.

12.50am SuperCasino 4.00 Meals In Moments 4.10 Five VOD Grey’s Anatomy 4.55 County Secrets 5.10 HouseBusters (x2)

6.00am Good Morning Sports Fans 7.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 8.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Ford Football Special 11.00 Spanish Football 12.30pm Ford Football Special 2.30 Fight Night International 4.00 Spanish Football 5.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 6.30 Netbusters 7.00 Sky Sports News At Seven 7.30 LIVE Football League: Championship 10.00 Netbusters 10.30 SPL Round-Up 11.00 Barclays Premier League Review 12.00am Football League: Championship 1.30 Soccer AM: The Best Bits 2.30 Sports Unlimited 3.30 Watersports World 4.30 Max Power 5.30 FIFA Futbol Mundial

6.00 BBC News At Six 6.30 South East Today 7.00 The One Show 7.30 Inside Out Chris Jackson hosts a special edition of the current affairs programme with stories from across England.

8.00 EastEnders Yusef’s announcement that he is taking Zainab and Kamil to Pakistan turns Zainab’s world upside down.

8.30 A Question Of Sport Christmas Special Sue Barker hosts a Christmas edition of the light-hearted sports quiz, with regular captains Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell. Joining them are TV presenters Jake Humphrey and Tim Lovejoy, comedian Patrick Kielty and impressionist Alistair McGowan.

9.00 Young James Herriot Drama telling the story of James Herriot’s early years. When a farm is threatened with a deadly disease, James must put aside his prejudices to reunite the family.

10.00 BBC News At Ten 10.25 South East Today 10.35 Imagine: The Art Of Stand-Up See highlights.

11.45 The Graham Norton Show Repeat of Friday’s show.

12.30am Weatherview 12.35 Sign Zone: Who Do You Think You Are? 1.35 World’s Most Dangerous Roads 2.35 MasterChef: The Professionals 3.35 BBC News

Sky Sports 2 6.00am Aerobics: Oz Style 6.30 Kings Of The Snow 7.00 WWE: The Bottom Line 7.55 World Sailing Championships 8.25 LIVE Test Cricket 4.00pm Test Cricket 5.00 Great Run Series 2011 Review 5.30 Wild Spirits 6.00 British Junior Carp Championships 7.00 LIVE World Darts Championship 11.30 Great Run Series 2011 Review 12.00am NFL 2.00 Shell’s Wonderful World Of Golf 3.30 PGA Tour Classic 4.30 Barclays Premier League Review 5.30 Netbusters

Sky Sports 3 7.30am Golf 8.30 Asian Tour Golf 9.30 World Darts Championship 2.00pm Golf 3.00 Asian Tour Golf 4.00 WWE: Raw 7.00 Test Cricket 8.00 Test Cricket 9.00 NFL 11.00 WWE: Late Night Bottom Line 12.00am WWE: Late Night Afterburn 1.00 WWE NXT 2.00 WWE: Late Night Raw 4.15 Sky Sports Classics 4.30 Great Run Series 2011 Review 5.00 Close

Victoria Nangle

kextraterrestrial Sky1

BBC3

BBC4

ITV2

ITV3

E4

More4

Film4

2.00pm Safebreakers 3.00 Got To Dance – The Warm Up 4.00 Inside Gatwick 5.00 The Simpsons (x2) 6.00 Chris And Wes: Let’s Do This 6.30 The Simpsons (x3) 8.00 Terra Nova 9.00 Little Cracker (x2) 9.30 Trollied 10.00 FILM: The Devil’s Own (1997) 12.10am Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Special 12.40 Cop Squad

7.00pm Doctor Who 8.00 The World’s Strictest Parents 9.00 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 10.00 EastEnders 10.30 Mongrels (x2) 11.35 Family Guy (x2) 12.20am American Dad! (x2) 1.05 Gavin & Stacey (x2) 2.05 How Not To Live Your Life (x2) 3.05 White Van Man (x2) 4.05 Mongrels (x2)

7.00pm The Golden Age Of Canals 8.00 Top Of The Pops: 1976 8.30 Only Connect 9.00 Natural World 10.00 Season’s Greetings 11.50 The Golden Age Of Canals 12.50am Natural World 1.40 Top Of The Pops: 1976 2.10 Only Connect 2.40 The Roasts Of Christmas Past 3.40 The Golden Age Of Canals

3.40pm Beauty And The Geek 4.35 Loose Women 5.30 The ITV2 Panto: Jack And The Beanstalk 7.00 The Xtra Factor: Winner’s Story 2011 8.00 You’ve Been Framed! The Next Generation 9.00 Peter Andre Uncut: Piers Morgan’s Life Stories 10.30 FILM: Practical Magic (1998) 12.40am Coronation Street

8.00am Agatha Christie’s Marple 10.05 FILM: Arthur 2: On The Rocks (1988) 12.20pm Columbo: A Bird In The Hand 2.25 FILM: Carry On Jack (1963) 4.15 George And Mildred 4.45 Agatha Christie’s Marple 6.50 Agatha Christie’s Poirot 9.00 Lewis 11.00 Inspector Morse 1.10am Numb3rs 1.50 Cracker

4.35pm Rules Of Engagement 5.00 Scrubs (x2) 6.00 The Big Bang Theory (x2) 7.00 Hollyoaks 7.35 How I Met Your Mother 8.00 My Name Is Earl (x2) 9.00 Rude Tube 10.00 Desperate Scousewives 11.05 Sorority Girls. See highlights.

12.10am The Big Bang Theory (x2)

3.00pm Coach Trip 3.35 Location, Location, Location (x2) 4.40 A Place In The Sun (x2) 5.45 Relocation, Relocation 6.55 Come Dine With Me 7.55 Kirstie’s Homemade Christmas 9.00 The Secret Millionaire 10.00 Bin Laden: Shoot To Kill 11.40 The Daily Show 12.15am The Secret Millionaire

11.00am Waterloo Road (1944) 12.35pm The Black Swan (1942) 2.15 Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid (1969) 4.25 Laputa: Castle In The Sky (1986) 6.55 Imagine That (2009) 9.00 The Lovely Bones (2009) 11.35 The New World (2005) 2.15am Exiles (1961) 3.55 Close

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