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ONLY JOKING!
Bare cheek Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon’s thoroughly scurrilous Brighton column
Dear Mr Diddy It sounds like you and your friend have been having a right old ‘Ding Dong’. A phrase which, ironically, is very close to giving you your title. But supposing, instead, you’d both had a good old ‘Sing Song’, you’d be equally close. Got it yet? That’s right. The film in question is none other than that much-loved cinematic classic Jules et Jim by Francois Truffaut, starring Jeanne Moreau, Oskar Werner and Henri Serre. Keep those letters flooding in!
In
• Grandma Moses • Kids International • Pubic lice • Rubber bullets • Catarrh
Out
• Ants’ eggs • Delhi belly • Marzipan • Accidentally following through • Roman showers
Mike.
Mike Hunter has the answers
Dear Mike, My film buff friend and I are engaged in a longstanding row; I am certain he is wrong, but need your help to prove it. The row concerns a black-andwhite film I dimly remember from childhood. Its plot follows the attempts by a well-known filmmaker to capture footage of a fabled beast on an uncharted island. Accompanying him is a beautiful, blonde actress, who, on arrival, is seized by the primitive islanders and offered as sacrifice to
In & Out
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What was that? Can’t remember the name of a book, song or film? Mike Hunter is the man with the answers....
described here is Mighty Joe Young. But, despite some superficial similarities, it could not be more different. For one thing, the era is completely wrong. It's just so frustrating. Please, please, please can you help! Yours P. Diddy, Hove
this creature – a stupendous ape, fully 30 feet tall. The beast falls for the woman’s charms and absconds with her. After a series of improbable adventures, the ape is eventually overcome and shipped to New York where, breaking its bonds, it runs rampage, finally meeting its end in a justly celebrated cinematic sequence atop the Empire State Building. I vaguely recall the last line went something like ‘It was Beauty killed the Beast’ and that the groundbreaking , full orchestral score by Max Steiner is considered one of film music's true masterpieces. My friend insists what is
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010_LS638_barecheek_Editorial 18/07/2013 14:14 Page 2
Wicked Chinese whispers Which torrid anglepoise mohair orang-utan fed greasy torrents to huge unaware mortgage adjusters? Who frank duck brine row job alleged cantankerous chickpea oven shirt? Which liquid parson gained big canal over seedy little buns Tuesday afternoon lunar eclipse?
Shhh! Let’s hope drimble flaccid cardboard boxes troupe sherbet bill posters cannibalism franchise sticker!
Looks like briar pipe underneath scrotum glassy cries of god save the pillowcase nefarious dead photographs?
Who wasted cream trousers languidly off half past Shakespeare chasm filing cabinet orgasm?
Our spies tell us that lord admiral wilted lettuce canned ordinary grapes deftly last monk day.
Which tantalising sterile yoghurt resisted arrest for grape ape codpiece mistaken identity lavatory candlestick riot?